Keep-Your-Distance-Im-Insane
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Joined 08-23-13, id: 5051945, Profile Updated: 11-15-13
Author has written 2 stories for Web Shows, and Rise of the Guardians.

Hi, I'm Keep-Your-Distance-Im-Insane. Which I am, of course. :)

I don't use smiley-faces often... Oh, well!

Info about me: First, I LOVE TO SING (and play the piano). I love the Maximum Ride series, Harry Potter series, Percy Jackson series, Skuldggery Pleasant series, writing stories, drawing anime/manga-type-stuff, making up OCs then drawing them in anime/manga-type-things, and George Weasley is my boyfriend, so back off fangirls! HE IS MINE!

Going onto other matters...

NAME GAME!

Real Name: Ingrid

Gangsta Name (first 3 letters of your name plus 'izzle'): Ingizzle. S'sup, dawg?

Detective Name (fav colour and fav animal): Black Wolf

Soap Opera Name (Middle name and name of current street): Jaymee Way

Star Wars Name (First 3 letters of last name, first 2 letters of first name, last three letters of mum's maiden name): Siminurg

Superhero Name (Second favourite colour, favourite drink): Red Sprite

Arab Name (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of your siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Nmauhce

Witness Protection Name (mum's middle name): Catharine

Goth Name (black, and the name of one of your past or present pets): Black Cadbury

Mental Hospital Phone Menu:

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital!

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are blond, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

If you belong in the mental hospital, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love Harry Potter, copy this into your profile.
If you're one of the few people who actually reads profiles, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you cried when Fred Weasley died (in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows), and not afraid to admit it, copy, paste this on your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy this to your profile.
If you want to see a Quidditch match copy and paste this into your profile.
If you loved DH, HBP, OotP, GoF, PoA, CoS, and SS/PS, and know what all those initials stand for, copy and paste this on your account.
If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever snuck on fanfiction when you were supposed to be doing something else, say, your homework, copy and paste into your profile
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing, or a combination of both, copy and paste this into your profile.
Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that hasn't, put this in your profile.

If you have ever wanted to just drown your teacher, copy and paste this to your profile.

This is weird, but interesting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!Paste this to your profile if you can read this!

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this because in the Bible it says "If you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven."

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you and/or your best friend is insane, add this to your profile.

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you absolutely LOVE to sing even though you may or may not suck, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

If you're still waiting for your Hogwarts letter, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you, post this on profile.

If you think Harry Potter is still better than Twilight, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you feel the need to read through someone's profile even when you don't know them, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you miss Fred Weasley from Harry Potter, put this in your profile

If you forgot your phone number when some one asks for it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, put this into your profile.

If you like the concept of magic, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are one of the poor souls who challenged the laws of gravity, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

GRYFFINDOR:
[x] You’ve never done illegal drugs.
[x] You have a lot of friends.
[ ] You get along with everyone.
[x] You haven’t made fun of someone for at least two months.
[ ] You love soccer.
[ ] You love baseball.
[x] You’re into writing and art.
[x] Favourite music genre is pop rock.
[x] You believe in "innocent until proven guilty" theory.
[x] One of your favourite colours is red or gold. (red is awesome)
[x] Good grades at school.
[ ] One of the worst things you can do is lie.
[x] You plan on going to college/university.
TOTAL: 9 (I'M IN GRYFFINDOR!)

HUFFLEPUFF:
[x] You’re content with mostly everything in your life right now.
[x] You laugh a lot.
[ ] You like to follow trends.
[x] Politics suck.
[ ] You love to swim.
[ ] Water polo is awesome.
[ ] Pink is one of your favorite colors.
[ ] Black is morbid & depressing.
[ ] You’re an optimist.
[ ] You’re completely straight edged.
[ ] You’re very emotional.
[ ] Rap, R&B, & hip-hop is your favorite music genre.
[x] You don’t believe in going steady at a young age.
[ ] You’ve made fun of at least one person this week.
TOTAL: 4 (Only four? Wow...)

RAVENCLAW:
[ ] You’re depressed to a certain extent.
[x] You love to read.
[x] You appreciate theatre & arts. (Sometimes...)
[x] Sports suck. (YEAH!)
[ ] You’re shy.
[x] Loyalty is the MOST important thing in a relationship.
[ ] Hate is completely unneeded.
[ ] Indie is your favourite genre of music.
[x] Every once in awhile you have little anger outbursts.
[x] Lying is sometimes okay.
[x] Blue is one of your favorite colors.
[ ] Serious is better than funny.
TOTAL: 7

SLYTHERIN:
[x] There’s at least one person you hate.
[ ] Basketball is a good sport.
[ ] Football is amazing.
[x] Black is a cool color.
[ ] You’ve lied about something serious.
[ ] You’re a very deep person.
[ ] You have considered suicide.
[x] Very loyal.
[ ] You like metal.
[x] They make school seem more important than it is.
[x] You’re scared to grow up.
[ ] You’ve done drugs in the past month.
[ ] Anger is one of your primary feelings.
[ ] You have trust issues.
[ ] Guilty until proven innocent.

TOTAL: 5


PJO FANS: MUST have this on their profile!

NORMAL PEOPLE: Rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast
PJO FANS: Will tell Zeus to make it rain

NORMAL PEOPLE: Say OMG!
PJO FANS: Say OH MY GODS!

NORMAL PEOPLE: Go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
PJO FANS: Won't go to one because they will take away their awesome demigod powers

NORMAL PEOPLE: Say shut up or I'll tell on you!
PJO FANS: Say shut up or my godly parent will vaporize you!

NORMAL PEOPLE: Think that PJO fans are stupid
PJO FANS: Know that normal people are stupid

NORMAL PEOPLE: When being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!
PJO FANS: When being chased use their demigod powers

NORMAL PEOPLE: Get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
PJO FANS: Yell at Zeus to calm down

NORMAL PEOPLE: Would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
PJO FANS: Would try and find Camp Half Blood

NORMAL PEOPLE: Don't have this on their profile

PJO FANS: Would have this on their profile already


Girl Comebacks!

Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the ends of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together. Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together.

Man: Your eyes, they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Woman: About as much as when you got kicked out of Hell.

Girls, copy and paste this on your profile!

If you have pulled a Max: You have made a snap decision and decided to do it without thinking it through first.

If you have pulled a Fang: You have sneaked up behind someone without them noticing, making it seem like you came out of nowhere.

If you have pulled an Iggy: You have run into an inanimate object without realizing it was there. This could include, poles, wall, doors, tables, etc.

If you have pulled a Nudge: You have talked about something nonstop for the past five minutes, not allowing anyone else to speak. This is also known as rambling.

If you have pulled a Gazzy: You have farted in a big group of people really loudly, and everyone could hear it and smell it.

If you have pulled an Angel: You have invaded someone else’s personal space, without any consideration for that person. You can also pull an Angel by gaining a whole lot of useless powers that you don't really need...but I highly recommend the first one.

If you have pulled any of these, copy and past it to your profile and say the ones you have pulled.

I have pulled a Max, Fang, Iggy, Gazzy, and Angel.

Things to do in Wal-Mart

1. Get random items and put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun. *wink wink*

If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you.

Don’t mess with me, I’ve got a stick.

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Someday, my prince will come. He just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,

Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,

Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,

Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,

Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,

Calling me FAT wont make you THIN,

Calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,

So why bother?

Ponder this:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile. (i aint screwing my life up)

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dummy?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Find the person who made you cry and punish them.

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - bitch - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Would try to put the fire out on your house

BEST FRIENDS: Would be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen

FRIENDS: will pick you up when your down

BEST FRIENDS: will push you back down and laugh

FRIENDS: ask why you're crying

BEST FRIENDS: already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: will say you can do better

BEST FRIENDS: will call him up and say "You have seven days to live"

FRIENDS: will help you with your drug problem

BEST FRIENDS: are the ones who sold it to you

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "Holly shit!! That was frcking insane!!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried and hold you till you stop.

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Have you on speed dial and always text you.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!"

20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY


1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

8 Dont use any punctuation

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.

14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . . . e-mail this to someone to make them smile and laugh. Its called therapy.

Job at the FBI

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background
checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two
men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the
circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting In a
chair kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could Never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your
wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my
wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and
go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death
with the chair.'

MORAL:

Women are crazy. Don't mess with them- and yes i know 'cos i am one...

The toothfairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.

Santa teaches you that it's okay to break into houses as long as you bring presents.

Show me a girl with both feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show some one who can't put her pants on

I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours.

Backstabbing is fun... the look on your face is priceless

Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it

I snap crackle and pop rice krispies.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

Workin' hard or hardly workin'?

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly

I say we shoot Cupid and see how he likes it.

I believe that dragons unicorns and sporks do exsist.

The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole.

Behold the mighty...chihuahua?

When you look at the sky do you see a cloud or a dinosaur in a tutu?

Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.

Snot is brain juice leaking out of your nose.

If you're really my friend, I'll probably make jabs at you. It's all in good fun. But don't confuse jabs with insults. Insults involve actual dislike.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

"All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies." (TOO FREAKING TRUE!)

"He who laughs last thinks slowest and he who laughs first doesn't get it."

"Therapist The/rapist... scary thought"

"Welcome to the Ool. There's no "p" in it, lets keep it that way." (Lol...)

Every time a guy ignores me, I know it’s just because he’s a vampire in love with me, and he is too polite to drink my blood.

Did you know that they have Bill Nye the Science Guy under T.V. shows and that ten people have written stories for it?

What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.

I'm an optimistic pessimist. (Paramore refrence!!!)

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

Your multiple personalities are freaking out my imaginary friend!

It takes 48 muslces to frown but only 14 to flip some one off.

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive.

I'm the kinda girl who always falls for the sidekick, always.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. (Lol so true)

Parents spend the first half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Who ever said 'nothing is impossible' never tried to slam a revolving door.

(Like you don’t gasp every time you see a silver Volvo.)

I wish my lawn was emo... then it could cut itself.

Strangers have the best candy.

You stare because I’m different...(0.0) ('.') ('.') ('.')I stare because you're all the same.

Free hugs.

Your epidermus is showing!

Come to the Dark Side... We have cookies!!

I do what ever my rice Krispes tell me to.

You dropped your pocket.

I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.

I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny.

Its all gouda.

I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his 'time of the month'.

My imaginary friends are jealous of my voices.

When Edward goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Harry Potter.

You cry. I cry. You laugh. I laugh. You jump off a bridge. I laugh.

I'm not fat. I'm just short for my weight.

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

Your chances of being struck by lightning go up if you stand on a hill beneath a tree raise your fist to the sky and shout, 'Storms Suck!'

'We're gonna kick Luke and Titian ass.' 'What? Luke has a tight ass?'

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. (BOO-yah!)

Can I borrow your pen? I need to stab you in the eye.

Your year book picture still haunts me.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere.

Don't try to out-weird me-- I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast ceral.

Don't you look at me with that tone of voice.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

Shakespear must have had a lot of one-night-stands because anyone who can make suicide romantic had to be a smooth talker.

Love can be soo boring

Many a grandchild was spoiled because you simply cannot spank Grandpa.

Ociffer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Ahh pure love (smiles wistfully) It makes me sick.

You're a special kind of stupid aren't you?

Fanfictions aren't everything... but they're right up there with oxygen.

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Colin.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.

You say crazy like it's a bad thing...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

They laugh because we're losers...We laugh because they just figured it out.

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

(said during baseball game) Anything going that fast should have seatbelts and a flight attendant

Stop with your premeditated spontaneity.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit.

If it wasnt for physics and law inforcement I'd be unstoppable.

How come we drive on a parkway and park on a drive way?

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

A computer password is like a toothbrush: Change it every six months and don't share with anyone else

On the down side I now am registered for things I don't want to be and I find my self paying for things I didn't buy and the up side I won Aol's most creative password

I trippped over a wireless phone

Remember students, all Voldemort really needs is a hug.

They say ignorance is bliss; I would rather be blissfully ignorant then know THAT.

Never say 'things couldn't get any worse.' God takes that as a personal challenge

The world is big enough for Werewolves AND Wizards.

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

Why are the Force and duct tape the same? Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.

People say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

I'm easily distrac- Look, shiny!!

Emily is not the wolf girl. I am.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I'm a big fan of letting my imagination run wild. There's always a chance it won't come back, but it always has, and usually with an odd scent attached to it.

If you're looking for sympathy, it's right between 'shit' and 'syphilis' in the dictionary.

I will temporarily rule the world, forever.

Aww heck no, I didn't kill him.

Everyday I think people can't get any stupider. Everyday I am proven horribly wrong.

Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate.

In an average room there are about, 120,496 objects a Ravenclaw can use to kill you. Including the room itself.

I have the kind of friends that if my house was burning down, they'd be there making S'mores and hitting on hot firemen.

Sometimes I wonder, 'Why is that frisbee getting bigger?'... then it hits me

I wanted to be a warrior like you, not a damsel in this dress.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!

So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun.

If you cry, I cry. If you laugh, I laugh. If you fight, I got your back. If you trip, I'll catch you when you fall. If you jump off a bridge... Oh heck ,wait for me!"

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

If I asked for your oppinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.

I am a peaceful person that is filled with violent rage.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. (Too. Freaking. True.)

I know at least one person who would love to push me down the stairs

Music is my boyfriend.

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!

I'm here because Heaven wouldn't take me, and Hell was afraid I'd take over. (I would do that...)

Fanfiction...Beacuse it's cheaper then therapy. (So true...)

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they've seen me laugh, and they've seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Ohh look its a bird, it's a plane, it's... an egg salad sandwich

Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird.

Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door. (Or nailing jelly to the wall)

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die, and your mom say you can still keep it. *SOB*

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

I'm so gangsta, I carry a squirt gun.

Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. (ROFL!!!)

Slinky Escalator Endless fun

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up. (Soooo true)

Palm Reader: -gasp- "You're going to die. But don't worry, you'll live through it."

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train. (No. The light at the end of the tunnel is a reminder of why the hell you're in a tunnel)

If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk!

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity?... I think I lost it.

Do not attempt to follow my footsteps. I walk into a lot of walls. (...Yeah, taht pretty much describes me.)

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

You can't spell awesome without ME!

A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does this work? What's the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he's got your gun too!

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

'If you are first you are first. If you are second you are not in first.' (Really? I didn't know that.)

I was normal before I met you!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.(Why do all the good jokes have to be so funny, yet so wrong?)

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I say, when life gives you lemons, make apple juice and laugh at the looks people give you.

'I'm not moving backwards, I'm just moving forwards in another direction.' (Haha. That's technically true.)

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my roof!

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Wrinkles merely show where smiles have been.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

If I went to Hogwarts, and got sent to Dumbledore's office, I would so skip down the hallway and sing, 'I'm off to see the wizard...' LOL!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties.

"Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that."

"I do not suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it."

You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, bitch.

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit just a little bit harder.

Every time you open your mouth, you get in trouble. Alternatively, just stick up your middle finger under the table.

There's nothing wrong with taking to random objects, its when they start to talk back that you need to worry.

Who ever said that words never hurt obviously has never got hit by a dictionary.

Nine of the ten Voices in my head think I'm sane. The tenth is undecided.

Growing older is manditory. Growing up is optional.

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had.

Yeah, Im a loser, but the coolest loser you'll ever meet.

"We may not make good decisions But hell, we make good stories."

"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. "

"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "

"Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face, when you push them down a flight of stairs. "

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.""

I am gone.

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Chance Meeting at the Coffee Shop by Last of the Star Makers reviews
AUDIENCE? WHA- What are you doing looking for romantic fanfiction about me and an OC? That's so silly, Audience. TWANSITION! LA is freaking HOT. SO hot that I almost gave up coffee and wouldn't have met- ...do you hear that? The shrieking? Like a horde of females screaming with excitement. Screaming and...running...towards me... Good LORD! RUN AUDIENCE! RUN! :Toby Turner/Tobuscus:
Web Shows - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 31 - Words: 101,636 - Reviews: 178 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 109 - Updated: 1/20/2014 - Published: 8/9/2012 - Tobuscus
Winter Snowstorm by MinkaMouse reviews
Sequel to Frosted Glass: The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes was the moon. It was shining brightly in the sky and the sight of it comforted her. She didn't know where or who she was yet the moon seemed to reassure her. It didn't give her many answers. In fact, it only ever said one thing to her before it decided to keep quiet. It was her name: Lady Luck.
Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 21,217 - Reviews: 247 - Favs: 255 - Follows: 380 - Updated: 4/21/2013 - Published: 4/7/2013
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Jack Frost Is Nipping At My Nose reviews
Jen never thought that she'd be seeing Jack Frost anytime soon. Her brothers see him, and try to point him out to her, but she can only hear his voice and feel his form. Will she be able to see him fully, and could she possibly fall for him? Read to find out. And, come on, really? I had to say that? Pretty much every story does! Argh! I am cliche. NUUUUU! Rated T just in case.
Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,566 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 9 - Published: 11/21/2013 - Jack Frost, OC
I Write Songs For You reviews
Laurie is the lead singer of her band, Jam Sesh. They're a YouTube sensation, in fact. Many fans follow them and they've even released a few albums and singles thanks to some major music companies! But what happens when one YouTube star meets another? Total chaos or will something else bloom instead? Love, perhaps? I truly have no idea where this is going. Honestly.
Web Shows - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,531 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 11/21/2013 - Published: 10/11/2013 - Tobuscus