ALERT: CRAZY HARRY POTTER FAN IN THE HOUSE!!!

Hellloo my fellow awesome nerds!!! I'm the8horcrux and I'm here to write nerdy stories about other stories! My profile is pretty long, so if you just want to know a few things about me then you can just read this first part. (Yes, I'm one of those people who copy and paste literally everything)

I am a budding actress (and yes, I am a girl), a hopeful writer, and an optimist. I am a supporter of women's rights, and I love soccer. I believe that the world was wide enough for Hamilton and Burr *sob*.

I am a pure Ravenclaw.

I am a Percabeth fan.

My job is Auror.

My favorite color is blue.

My motto is: "One hundred bad days makes one hundred good stories, and one hundred good stories makes me interesting at parties." (All rights go to AJR).

I always have one song or another in my head, most of the time a Hamilton song.

I will never use swear words or adult themes in my stories.

My goal: To write at least one fanfiction about every single one of my book/movie/play obsessions, crossover or otherwise. No easy task, since I love so many of them. But it'll happen... eventually.

But seriously, I am like the nerdiest person ever. Ask me any question about Harry Potter, there's a 99.9 percent chance that I'll answer correctly. Same with Percy Jackson, or any of Rick Riordan's stuff.

So yeah! That's the basics! If you want to know exactly what my book/movie/play obsessions are, continue down. If you don't really care, then continue waaaayyy down to my stories, where I hope you will read and review!

I write A LOT more Percy Jackson fanfics than Harry Potter fanfics. This is not because I like Percy Jackson more, or am more obsessed with it (although I am WAY obsessed with both) I just feel like some stories are concluded more than others. J.K. has done such a good job with Harry Potter, I honestly feel like there's nothing I could add to it (except the cursed child, which I absolutely DO NOT ACCEPT AS CANNON). The series is practically perfect the way it is (EXCEPT CURSED CHILD). Not to say that everything Rick Riordan writes isn't perfection too, it's just that there's always new demigods coming, or new world destroying events happening, that there are so many backstories that haven't been written.

Obsessions of mine in no particular order (if there is W sign after (this stands for written), that means I have written about it. Percy Jackson series and spinoffs all have the same amount because I include them all as the same, except Trials of Apollo, because that series hasn't been finished yet. How many signs there are means how many fanfics I have written about it, crossovers including):

Harry Potter W

Percy Jackson and the Olympians W W W W W W W

the Heroes of Olympus W W W W W W W

The Trials of Apollo (Three weeks and counting until Tyrant's Tomb comes out! EEEEE I'M SO EXCITED!!!)

The Kane Chronicles

Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard

Hamilton (the play)

Artemis Fowl

Septimus Heap

Michael Vey

Leven Thumps

Fablehaven

Dragonwatch

The I.Q. series (which is not on fanfiction right now)

Anything MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., but no other spin off show W W W W W

X-Men

the Magisterium

Narnia

The Hobbit (Trying to read the Lord of the Rings)

Star Wars

As you can see, I've got a long ways to go. If only I would stop writing about Percy Jackson and/or Avengers XD

The Quote Wall

It is our choices that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities. - Albus Dumbledore (The Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter)

The truth is a wonderful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution. -Albus Dumbledore (The Philosopher's Stone, Harry Potter)

It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to our enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to our friends. -Albus Dumbledore (The Philosopher's Stone, Harry Potter)

We've all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are. -Sirius Black (The Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter)

Things we lose always have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect. -Luna Lovegood (The Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter)

You think the dead we love ever truly leave us? You think that we don't recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? -Albus Dumbledore (The Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter)

Parents shouldn't leave their kids unless-unless they've got to. -Harry Potter (The Deathly Hallows, Harry Potter)

Books! And cleverness! There are more important things-friendship and bravery- Hermione Granger (The Philosopher's Stone, Harry Potter)

This was being human. Standing on the tarmac, watching mortals load the body of a friend and hero on the cargo hold, knowing that he was never coming back. Saying goodbye to a grieving young woman who had done everything to help us, and knowing you could never repay her. -Apollo (The Burning Maze, Trials of Apollo)

All get what they want; they do not always like it.- Aslan (The Magician's Nephew, The Chronicles of Narnia)

"Keep what I found? I have to, at all costs." -Tony Stark (Avengers: Endgame)

"It does seem that the more one gets the more one wants, doesn't it?" -Meg March (Little Women)

For what you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing, it also depends on what sort of person you are. -Narrator (The Magician's Nephew, The Chronicles of Narnia)

"All these years sneaking around, and we can just be ourselves?" "You should always do that. You have to flaunt the weird, my friends." -Annabeth Chase and Alex Fierro, (The Ship of the Dead, Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard)

"Look around, look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now..." -Eliza Schuyler Hamilton, (That Would Be Enough, Hamilton)

"Love doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes, and we keep loving anyway, we laugh and we cry and we break and we make our mistakes..." -Aaron Burr (Wait for It, Hamilton)

"...you have no control who lives who dies who tells your story..." -George Washington, (History Has Its Eyes On You, Hamilton)

"I am the one thing in life I can control! I am inevitable, I am an original!" -Aaron Burr (Wait for It, Hamilton)

"I'm past patiently waiting, I'm passionately smashing every expectation!"--Alexander Hamilton (My Shot, Hamilton)

When Life gives you lemons, freeze them, demand to see Life's manager, chuck them at Life's nose, burn down Life's house, and scream, "THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO MESS WITH ME, LIFE!" -the8horcrux

Percy Jackson: Mission Marvel reading order:

Percy Jackson: Mission Marvel (Complete)

Percy Jackson: Civil War (Complete)

Percy Jackson: Infinity War (Complete)

Percy Jackson: Endgame (In progress)

Untitled Estelle Blofis story (check poll for more details, coming soon!)

Ninety-five percent of kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you are one of the five percent who aren’t.

If you have ever ran into something/someone while reading a book, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you do not know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy and paste this onto your profile!

Do you hate getting into a good FanFiction, but then discover that it hasn't been updated in years? If so, copy and paste this into your profile! By doing so, you agree to do everything you can to get that author back to writing, either by PMing them, leaving a demanding review (all caps is recommended), or leaving a review.

You Know You're a Writer Checklist: (Bold equals yes)

You have the last chapters of the story done without even thinking of the characters names.

You often imagine your books becoming movies.

Spell check is your best friend.

You'll spend an hour trying to find one word because you wouldn't dare use a synonym.

Not being able to write is like not being able to pee, you just can't hold it in for very long.

You write so fast, you leave out words in a sentence.

Things that are written badly annoy you and make you want to rewrite them better.

You laugh at jokes you wrote yourself.

You can spell words like 'troublesome' but can't spell 'the' half the time.

If you are not writing or typing, your fingers are moving constantly. (I swear I have an issue, I literally type out the words that I'm saying)

When you have to write some sort of story in class, you get carried away and write like ten times more than everyone else, including the teacher.

You would rather die than use words like 'good' or 'nice' and etc.

You put off the last chapter of a story because you don't want it to end. (i.e. the last chapter of Deathly Hallows, literally cried when I finished because I'd never be able to read it again for the first time)

If a story, movie, show, etc, finishes without a suitable ending, you have a powerful need to write it better.

You like to fidget, tap, or chew on the tip of something when you are trying to come up with a new sentence, paragraph, chapter, or story. (MY NAILS ARE MUTILATED. CURSE YOU, WRITER'S BLOCK!)

You are in love with the Thesaurus.

You dream of new stories.

You often revisit some of your old stories.

Someone can call your name twenty times and you still don't hear them if they're writing.

You would rather write than go out.

Your/you're and their/there/they're are errors that send you into an apoplectic fit.

You get cranky if you don't get to write that day.

You've heard/seen/thought something and thought, I need to write that down.

You wake up in the middle of the night and scrabble for a pen and paper you keep next to your bed to write down a scene to make the voices be quiet so you can get some sleep.

Getting a scene finished is more important than the bathroom or food.

A blank wall becomes a screen where the scene you're writing plays write in front of your eyes.

Even though you try your hardest to resist, you sometimes find yourself correcting your own grammar.

You've apologized out loud to a character after doing something horrible to them.

23 out of 28! Wow! Guess I really am a writer. Now if only I could get a real book published...

YOUR GUY SIDE:

you love hoodies

you love jeans

dogs are better than cats.

it's hilarious when people get hurt

you've played with/against boys on a team

shopping is torture

at some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter

you own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega

sad movies suck

you own/ed an X-Box

played Hotwheel cars as a kid

you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers

you watch sports on Tv

you go to your dad for advice

you own like a trillion baseball caps

you like to go to high school football games

you used to/do collect football/soccer/baseball cards

baggy pants are cool to wear

it's kinda weird to have a sleepover with a bunch of people

green, black, red, blue or silver are one of your favorite colors

you love to go crazy and not care what people think

you love sports

talk with food in your mouth

sleep with your socks on at night

11/24 Not bad... does that count me as a tomboy? 'Cuz I am a girl

YOUR GIRL SIDE

cats are better than dogs (I love them both the same. Also, why is this listed on the girl side? Tons of boys I know like cats better than dogs, and most girls I know like dogs better than cats.)

you wear lip gloss/chapstick

you love to shop

you wear eyeliner

you wear the color pink (Not all the time, but occasionally)

you go to your mom for advice

you consider cheerleading a sport

you hate wearing the color black

you like hanging out at the mall

you like getting manicure and/or pedicures

you like wearing jewelry

skirts are a big part of your wardrobe

shopping is one of your favorite hobbies

you don't like the movie Star Wars (WHAT BLASPHEME IS THIS?!!!)

you were in gymnastics/dance in grade 2

it takes you around/about one hour to shower and get dressed (both together I guess, but definitely not separate)

you smile a lot more than you should

you have more than ten pairs of shoes

you care about what you look like

you like wearing dresses when you can

you like wearing body spray/cologne/perfume

you love the movies

you used to play with dolls as a kid

like putting make up on someone else for the joy/joke of it

like being the star of everything

8/25, this concerns me slightly...

THE 27 COMMANDMENTS OF FANFICTION

1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for spelling and grammar errors. The Fanfction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for a reason.

2. Thou shalt not post a chapter of less than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses.

3. Thou shalt not put Author's Notes in the middle of a story.

4. Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a story, unless the the characters are actually texting.

5. Thou shalt keep to one tense, and one only, throughout the story. Do not switch randomly.

6. Apply the above five to POV's as well.

7. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing in your story. It probably is quite funny.

8. Thou shalt not use ,;, or :( to show the emotion exhibited by the character.

9. Thou shalt try to keep characters in character!

10. Thou shalt not teat every criticism as a flame

11. The Authors Note is not a spot for personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so.

12. Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase 'first fic' in the summary.

13. Thy created characters must not have names exceeding five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name exceed five words in length.

14. Thou shalt not insert thyself into the story as a character- yes, we know that thy is in love with thyself but we don't need to read about how thy ends up with the main character.

15. If thou art writing a story that differs from the original plot line, thou shalt point it out in the beginning.

16. Thou shalt not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change (a good reason).

17. Thou shalt show not tell.

18. Thou shalt NEVER use the phrase 'I suck at summaries' in-est thine summary. This annoys thine readers.

19. Thou shalt not write the same way thou speak-est- writing is an art.

20. Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word 'Okay', right. ' 'K' and 'Ok' are not acceptable compromises.

21. Thou shalt only use cliches when (a. thou art writing a parody and (b. find a new and interesting twist to make cliches bearable to thine readers.

22. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thine readers will be confus-ed.

23. Thou shalt not EVER make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THINE READERS AND THE FANFICTION GODS. THOU HAST AN ENTER KEY FOR A REASON.

24. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on, it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and make angels weep.

25. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before you writeth the fic. Misspelling the name of the main characters makes readers angry and distracts from the story.

26. Thou shalt not say in thine summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses. The only exception is when a summary is cut short and a continuation of it lies inside.

27. Thou shall use paragraphs and space the story so it is not terrifyingly daunting to thine readers.

THE FUNNY STUFF

Ways to keep a healthy level of insanity:

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

6. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

7. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

8. Order a Diet Water when you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

10. Sing Along At The Opera.

11. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

12. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

14. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

16. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity:

Copy and Paste This To Make People who read bios Smile.

Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.

-Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

-Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. (I don't really agree with this, but it was hilarious so I had to paste it)

-There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Waffles in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.

-I'm going to live forever, or die trying.

-If I had something good to say, I would have already said it.

-Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

-Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.

-Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

-Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.

-I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

-Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

-When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

-Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

-They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." But I think a gun helps, you know? If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people, would you?

-I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, idiot!

-That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.

-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

-Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you exactly why it's not. How true.

-I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist. I think Einstein managed to do that, too...

-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

-There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. Teachers must live by this rule.

-Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.

-I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago : )

-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Whoever said that nothing's impossible obviously hasn't tried slamming a revolving door.

Whoever said "Words don't hurt" obviously hasn't gotten a hard-back encyclopedia thrown at his head before.

Behind every great man is a woman shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

If you can't beat 'em, join'em. If you can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If you can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If you can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If you can't kill 'em, you’re screwed.

Rhetorical questions are persuasive, aren't they?

He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke at first.

Silence is gold. Duct tape is silver.

If you do it, you'll regret it. If you don't do it, you'll regret it. Either way, you're still gonna regret it, so why not just do it?

I'm only smiling 'cos I have no idea what's going on.

I looked up at the stars one night and thought, "Where the heck did my ceiling go?!"

As an older, more mature adult, your job is to...make fun of the little kids!

There are easier things in life than finding a good lover. Like nailing a Jell-O to a tree, for instance.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you realize that you're on fire? Do you remember to stop, drop and roll? Or do you just start running around in circles, screaming, "I'M ON FIRE!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!"

If a safety pin, duct tape or a band-aid can't fix it, then you have a serious problem.

Three people can keep a secret if two are dead.

A man walked into a bar and said..."OUCH!!"

War doesn't determine who's right, it determines who's left.

Come to the dark side, we have cookies!

I went to the dark side. Yeah, they lied about the cookies.

OH MY GOSH! THE RAIN'S WET!

I'm not AD--Ooh, look, a butterfly!

ADOST: Attention Deficit-Ohh Shiny Thing

I'm a dinosaur, so, like, rawr, and stuff.

God made men first, then he had a better idea!

I reject your reality and substitute it with my own.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the devil goes, "Oh, crap, she's up!"

It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.

ADHD writer: Once upon a -- no...There was once a -- no...THE END! .

You know you're a geek when procrastination doesn't affect your grades.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.

I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking too good, either.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak.

This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.

I didn't say you were stupid, I said you are stupid. There's nothing past tense about it.

PONDER THIS

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. Shouldn't that be where the work stops?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?

Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?

Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

Why is it that 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, it's encouraged!?

Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

Can bald men get lice?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do sheep not shrink when it rains?

Why are they called "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"? (WHO THOUGHT OF THIS GENIUS SENTENCE?!)

Why is it called common sense if it's so rare?

Stupidest Last Words In The History Of Mankind:

What does this button do?

It's probably just a rash.

Are you sure the power is off?

The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!

Which wire was I supposed to cut?

I wonder where the mother bear is.

I've seen this done on TV.

These are the good kind of mushrooms.

It's strong enough for both of us.

This doesn't taste right.

I can do that with my eyes closed.

I've done this before.

Well, we've made it this far.

That's odd.

I'll just put my head in it to make sure.

Don't be so superstitious.

Now watch this.

Look Ma! No Hands!

Don't worry, it's not contagious.

Of course it's safe.

It can't get any worse...

There's only one way to find out!

*This part is funny/terrifying, so I'm including it

Have an American history teacher explain this… if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.

Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford'.

Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford'.

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.

Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

Now here’s the kicker.

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.

A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy, huh?

Six truths in life

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time: a physical impossibility

2. All idiots, after reading this will try it (I TOTALLY DID THIS AND DIED LAUGHING WHEN I SAW THE SECOND LINE, AND I THINK I BROKE MY TONGUE)

3. And discover that it's a lie

4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.

5. You will soon post this on your profile for another idiot to see.

6. There is still a stupid smile on your face.

(This fits in both The Funny Stuff and the Percy Jackson Section, so I'm putting at the end of The Funny Stuff)

Perfection Percy Jackson Quotes

"You named him Festus? You know in Latin, 'festus' means 'happy'? You want us to ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon?"

"Yours in demigodishness, and all that. Peace out."

"With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later."

"Percy: 'Don't I get a kiss for luck? It's kind of a tradition, right?' Annabeth: 'Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then we'll see.'"

"'It's him,' I said. 'Typhon.' I was seriously hoping Chiron would say something good, like 'No, that's our huge friend Leroy! He's going to help us!'"

"(evil automatons banging heavily on locked door) Leo: Who is it? EA: VALDEZ!! Leo: Valdez who?"

"On the bright side, both Jason and I outrank you, Octavian. So we can both tell you to shut up."

"I try not to think. It interferes with being nuts."

"The fall? That was nothing! I fell twice as far from the St. Louis Arch." - Percy

"Hercules, huh? That guy was like the Starbucks of Ancient Greece. Everywhere you turn--there he is."

"Never seen Jason fly before, He looks like a blond Superman."

"This is Annabeth, Uh, normally she doesn't judo flip people."

"Jason: 'I could have killed you.' Percy: 'Or I could have killed you,' Jason: 'If there'd been an ocean in Kansas, maybe.' Percy: 'I don't need an ocean--' Annabeth: 'Boys, I'm sure you would've been wonderful at killing each other. But right now, you need some rest.' Percy: 'Food first, Please?'"

"No, Pipes. It could be a random group of giant eagles flying in perfect formation. Of course they're Roman!"

"Great. I should have installed a smoke screen that makes the ship smell like a giant chicken nugget. Remind me to invent that, next time."

'Forget the chicken-nugget smoke screen. Percy wanted Leo to invent an anti-dream hat.'

"*sees Percy and Annabeth sleeping* Frank: 'Oh...you are in SO much trouble.' *Percy and Annabeth wake up* Percy: 'What? Oh, we just fell asleep.' Frank: 'Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped! We've been scourging the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out-oh, gods, have you been here ALL NIGHT?' Annabeth: 'FRANK! We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it.' Percy: 'Kissed a couple of times.' Annabeth: 'Not helping!'"

YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE PERCY JACKSON SECTION! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

The Percy Jackson Pledge (The Heroes of Olympus Version)

I promise to remember Percy
When a warrior fights on and on
I promise to remember Annabeth
For those who have been there all along
I promise to remember Grover
When someone follows a dream
I promise to remember Tyson
When someone leads a team
I promise to remember Jason
When someone falls from the sky
I promise to remember Leo
When someone's mother dies
I promise to remember Thalia
When someone goes beyond and above
I promise to remember Piper
When someone falls in love
I promise to remember Frank
When parents go to war
I promise to remember Reyna
For those dedicated to the core
I promise to remember Hazel
For those who honor people's trust
I promise to remember Rachel
For those who feel they must
I promise to remember Bianca
For those who die too young
I promise to remember Nico
For those who go unsung
I promise to remember Luke
For those who make the wrong decisions
I promise to remember the Demigod Traitors
When people cause division
I promise to remember the Olympians
When people meddle in affairs

But more than this I swear
To never forget this world
To never not care
I promise to never grow old enough to regard this as simple stuff
For Percy Jackson changed my life
And forever I'll love this gang through both wars and strife

1. Percabeth or Prachel?

Stupid question. Obviously Percabeth, and Rachel can't date.

2. Favorite guy character?

I wanna say Percy, but that's everyone's favorite character so... Leo.

3. Favorite girl character?

Reyna/Annabeth. What? I can't choose. These questions are HARD.

4. Favorite god?

Poseidon.

5. Favorite goddess?

Artemis/Athena. Again, I can't choose.

6. Zeus, Poseidon, or Hades?

Hades. I feel for the guy, plus his powers are cool. And I love Bianca.

7. Is Luke hot?

Heck no.

8. Would you join the hunters?

I would for a couple hundred years.

9. Archery or sword fighting?

Hmmm... I want to kick butt at both, so that's hard to decide. Probably archery, though I would want to be good at both.

10. Iris Messaging or Hermes Express?

Iris Messaging. WAY cooler.

11. Favorite Minor God/Goddess?

That's easy. Terminus. Just kidding! I had you there for a second. Hecate.

12. Favorite book?

In PJO, probably the Lightning Thief. In HoO, it's tied between Blood of Olympus and The Son of Neptune.

13. Least favorite?

That's hard. All of them are my favorite. But if I had to choose... the House of Hades. Too depressing for my tastes.

14. Would you like to live year-round at Camp Half-Blood, or just in the summer?

Probably just in the summer.

15. Favorite couple?

This is everyone's answer, but this time I don't care. Percy and Annabeth!

16. Are you a demigod?

Stupid question. Why would I be answering these questions if I wasn't?

17. Who would be your parent?

Hades, Poseidon, or Athena. Maybe just Hades and Athena. I love Poseidon, seriously, but I would LOVE to be Hades' kid. Their powers are SO cool.

18. Favorite minor character?

Clarisse or Lou Ellen.

19. Ethan or Luke?

Luke.

20. Favorite monster?

Mrs. O' Leary.

21. Camp Half-Blood or Camp Jupiter?

That's hard. I love both camps. On the one hand, Camp Half-Blood is more fun, on the other hand, Camp Jupiter has Reyna. Camp Half-Blood, I guess.

You know you're a Percy Jackson Fan When...

You go to the Empire State Building and ask for the 600th floor.

You think your favorite singer is a child of Apollo.

You think your favorite author is a child of Athena.

Everyone is creating a Twilight family and you create a Percy Jackson family.

People say they've read Twilight/The Hunger Games and not Percy Jackson and you look at them like they're insane.

You sometimes try to control water.

You do not read anything but Percy Jackson for three months and when someone offers you a different book you hiss at them.

You've gone to google maps and looked up Camp Half-Blood/Camp Jupiter's address.

You make Rick Riordan characters on the Sims, Miis on the Wii, and other video games.

You repeatedly curse 20th Century Fox for making such a crappy Percy Jackson movie and spend your time imagining how you would do it.

You recite lines randomly from books.

When you see/hear about anything from mythology-related, you talk about what it was in Percy Jackson (page, book, series, etc) and what happened to it.

Suddenly want to go to San Francisco/New York/Boston.

You jump up whenever anyone says they're from the Bay Area.

You claim that Percy IS in fact real and lives in New York, no matter how your friends argue with you.

You have dreams about Percy Jackson Characters/Events.

You spend your time debating with yourself about Harry Potter or Percy Jackson is better.

You write fanfiction constantly, even when you're not at your computer.

You have a countdown to The Tyrant's Tomb.

You and your other PJO friend cracks up whenever someone mentions Canada/Canadians. (Sorry Frank...)

The first thing you ask someone when you meet them is, "Have you read Percy Jackson?" And all your friends roll their eyes.

You curse someone in Greek/Latin.

You're nodding and smiling when you read this.

You own every single book, including Heroes of Olympus and Trials of Apollo when the rest of the series comes out.

You're planning on adding a lot more things to this list.

You call yourself a demigod.

You wish with every fiber of your being that The Lightning Thief told the truth, and Percy Jackson was real.

Your godly parent is... (I love this)

OooooooooO

ZEUS (Jason and Thalia Grace)

You like being in charge

you often wish you could just zap someone with a thunder bolt

you were voted Class President

you do what's best for everyone

you think you have what it takes to run for president

you think every problem has a solution

you love showing off

you like plane rides

you are hydrophobic

5/9

OoooooooooO

POSEIDON (Persassy Jackson)

you feel at home in the water

your favorite vacation place is at the beach

you enjoy snorkeling, scuba diving, surfing etc.

you want to do something about the marine species being abused today

you visit the local pool on a regular basis

you swim professionally

you hate seafood

you never get seasick

You'd rather ride a boat than a plane

you are acrophobic (sometimes, okay?)

5/10

OoooooooooO

HADES (Nico Di Angelo)

you're not that much of a people person

you like staying in the dark

you experience bad moods on a regular basis

you like listening to loud angry music

you spend most of your time alone

you think parties are something loud and annoying

you like to keep to yourself

all your closets are padlocked

you write in a diary/journal

you feel most active at night

1/10

OoooooooooO

DEMETER (Katie Gardner)

You own a garden

You like the great outdoors

you have a green thumb

you are an environmentalist

you have a special connections with animals

you're vegetarian

You like going hiking, camping, and looking at the natural wonders of the world

you always check a product if it's environmentally/friendly

you love going to flower shops

You think global warming is a threat that must be dealt with

5/10

OoooooooooO

ARES (Clarisse La Rue)

you often start fights

you're a very aggressive type of person

you like watching wrestling

you're competitive

you like reading about war

you don't take crap from anybody

You have anger management

you never back away from a fight

everyone does what you say

you don't always think before you do something

5/10

OoooooooooO

ATHENA (Annabeth Chase)

you have an insatiable thirst of knowledge

you're probably the only person that visits the library on a regular basis

half of your birthday presents last year were books

you like reading about war, mostly about the reasons and controversies about it

You're the valedictorian in your class

You never got a grade below 90 in your report card

you get political jokes without asking people to explain them

you think it would be better if you were the president

you have a huge shelf of books at home

you think vinyl pockets protectors are very useful

8/10

OoooooooooO

APOLLO (Will Solace)

you're very creative and artistic (creative, yes. artistic, no)

you like listening to all kinds of music in general

you always feel sunny and optimistic

you are talented at drawing

you like writing poetry

you can play at least three musical instruments

you like going to art museums

you almost always win 1st place in art contests

you have straight As in Art on your report card

You're school notebook had more doodles than notes

3/10

OoooooooooO

HUNTER OF ARTEMIS (Zoe Nightshade)

You dislike boys in general

a deer is one of your favorite animals

You can shoot targets

You like silver

you like the moon better than the sun

Zoe Nightshade is awesome

you love wild animals

You spend most of your time outdoors

You love to move around the place

Hunting is not cruel if it's to hunt down monsters

9/10

OoooooooooO

HEPHAESTUS (Bad Boy Supreme, Team Leo, Mr. McShizzle)

You have a way with tools

You build awesome things during your free time

You're the best at wood shop in your class

Metal working is your forte

You have your own tool box

You often search the Internet to look for pictures of robots

You're a techie

You often have carpentry projects

You dream of being a carpenter

You aren't afraid of fire

0/10 (wow, I'm not Hephaestus at all)

OoooooooooO

APHRODITE (Silena Beauregard)

Every guy/girl swoons for you

you like putting make up

you naturally smell good (I don't really have a smell, I like to think)

you never experience a bad hair day

you're favorite activity is clothes shopping

you're always at the front of every trend

you're the popular girl/guy at your school (if you count being popular meaning the nice girl that most people like, except the mean ones)

You're often invited to parties

You're motto is "it's never a party without me"

You look yourself in the mirror on a regular basis

2/10

OoooooooooO

HERMES (Luke Castellan)

you like pick pocketing your friends

you're a prankster

you're a speed demon

you consider your self restless

You're the best speaker in the class

You like thinking on your feet and using your wits

You're inventive and resourceful

You often start arguments

You never lost a debate

You like making witty and sarcastic comment

4/10

OoooooooooO

DIONYSUS (Dakota)

You're the life of the party

You like wine

You've probably tasted every alcohol drink out there

You can finish a martini in less than a minute

you have a happy, cheerful disposition

You're a foodie

You like going to social events and mingling with people

You like trying out new food

You feel that you're abundant in life

You think that too much of anything is bad

3/10

OoooooooooO

1. Hunters of Artemis 9/10 (YAY! I've actually always wanted to be a Hunter of Artemis, but I wished I could date boys)

2. Athena 8/10

3. Zeus 5/10

3. Poseidon 5/10

3. Demeter 5/10

3. Ares 5/10

4. Hermes 4/10

5. Dionysus 3/10

5. Apollo 3/10

6. Hades 1/10

7. Hephaestus 0/10

Sooo... No Hephaestus, basically no Hades, tiny bit of Apollo, tiny bit of Dionysus, some of Hermes, lots of Ares, lots of Demeter, lots of Poseidon, lots of Zeus, mostly Athena, basically a Hunter of Artemis. That should tell most of you what you need to know about me. You're welcome!

Things Learned From Percy Jackson-

1. When in doubt, find the dam snack bar-The Titans Curse

2. With great power comes a great need to take a nap-The Last Olympian

3. Paradises are places that can get you killed- The Battle of the Labyrinth

4. Gods get offended easily. Then they blow stuff up.- The Titans Curse

5. You can fight monsters, see Annabeth, and make things go BOOM at the same time.-The Battle of the Labyrinth

6. You can't fix a person like a machine.-The Battle of the Labyrinth

7. Monster will vaporize when sliced by a celestial bronze sword.-The Battle of the Labyrinth

8. Avoid poisonous swords or you'll die, after you shrivel slowly to dust-The Battle of the Labyrinth

9. Anything is possible: including blue food and that Percy can pass seventh grade - The Sea of Monsters

10. People, and horses, who call Mr. D. the wine dud end up in a bottle of Merlot.- The Titans Curse

11. Three kids can drown in a really big bath.- The Lightning Thief

12. Everything strange washes up in Miami-The Sea of Monsters

13. You can't enjoy practical jokes when you feel like one.-The Last Olympian

14. Just say hello to the poodle.-The Lightning Thief

15. When you need Tantalus to go away, tell him to chase a donut. -The Sea of Monsters

16. Even heroes drool in their sleep- The Lightning Thief

17. When things seem bad enough, they usually breathe fire.-The Sea of Monsters

18. When barnyard animals don't want to kill you, they want food.-The Lightning Thief

19. Don't blow your nose when someone near you is running from skeletons.-The Titans Curse

20. Don't beat a god in a video game- he might want your soul. -The Last Olympian

YOU ARE NOW LEAVING THE PERCY JACKSON SECTION! THANK YOU, COME AGAIN.

YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE HARRY POTTER SECTION! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Twenty-four problems all Harry Potter Fans will understand: (I got this from Pottermore, I do not own anything)

Feeling victimized because you have to lug suitcases and bags every time you go on vacation instead of using an Undetectable Extension Charm like Hermione.

Noticing distinctive birthmarks or markings on strangers and spending way too much time wondering what kind of Animagus they are.

Spotting an owl and expecting it to stop and deliver your post.

Whispering Lumos every time you turn on a light/ Nox every time you turn it off.

When all you want is a warming Butterbeer-seriously, is that too much to ask?

Finding yourself on an inconsolable heap on the couch after re-reading your favorite character's death even though you've read it hundreds of times and knew it was coming.

Making random hissing noises at snakes hoping that your Parseltongue has been lying dormant all these years and one day, they'll answer you back.

The abject horror at finding out that one of your friends hasn't read the Harry Potter series, followed by a serious internal debate at why you're friends with them in the first place.

... followed by an indescribable jealousy because they have such a glorious journey of discovery ahead of them.

Experiencing a kind of rage that only sending a Howler will soothe. An angry text or a sharply worded email just isn't the same.

Learning how to knit so you can recreate the socks that Dobby made for Harry.

Eyeing up eccentrically dressed strangers and wondering if they're wizards in disguise.

When you're stuck outside on a freezing cold day, lamenting the fact that you're not Hermione and can't conjure up warming blue fire in a jar.

Shouting Alohamora confidently when you're locked out, only to discover that you're still locked out because that's a stick you're holding, not a wand.

People catch you reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone/Any Harry Potter book and say, "Haven't you already read that one?

Binge watching all the films and giving yourself a headache from crying so much.

Bellowing Expelliarmus at people during arguments.

Being asked to give a speak and discovering "Nitwit", "Blubber, "Odment", "Tweak", don't quite cut it.

Desperately wishing being an Auror was an legitimate career. Now what am I supposed to do with my life?

Catching sight of a cat with 'spectacles' around its eyes and wondering...

When you wake up with a head full of Nargles and no one else understands.

Staying up until twelve in the morning on all of your birthdays, desperately wishing that Hagrid will come and give you a letter to Hogwarts after all this time.

Randomly quoting the Harry Potter books to your friends and they all look at you blankly.

When you start reading another book and have to stop because it's just not Harry Potter. (except Percy Jackson).

THE HARRY POTTER PLEDGE (I got this from something on Wattpad and edited it bit)

I promise to remember Harry when the time comes to be courageous

No matter what happens and no matter how outrageous

I promise to remember Ron when I am feeling overshadowed

When I am pushed to the side and the spotlight is borrowed

I promise to remember Hermione when I am picked on for being smart

And to remember that we are also judged by the purity of our hearts

I promise to remember James and Lily when someone dies before their time

Especially if it happens during their prime

I promise to remember Dumbledore and help the greater good

To help the world and always to what he would

I promise to remember "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good"

Like the Marauders truly understood

I promise to remember Fred and George when I ever need a laugh

And try not to be sad when only out of two remains only half

I promise to remember Lupin and fight for human rights

Even when the rest of the world never sees your real plight

I promise to remember Tonks when I'm feeling hyper and cheery

And bring up the spirits of those who are feeling dreary

I promise to remember Hedwig who lived and died soaring

Her presence makes everything anything but boring

I promise to remember Percy when ambition gets the best of me

I no matter what, I will never leave the family that loves me

I promise to remember constant vigilance for Moody's sake, of course

And in the presence of an enemy, never show remorse

I promise to remember Hagrid who sees beauty in that which is ugly

Even if it can be a bit bloody

I promise to remember Neville when I stand up for what is right

Even if I am the only one willing to fight

I promise to remember the Golden Trio when a friend says, "I'll be there"

Together our problems and hardships we bear

I promise to remember Ginny when I must face my fears

And fight despite my being so young in years

I promise to remember Dobby when asked the fight of freedom

And remember that no matter what the world says, I can be anyone

I promise to remember Luna when I dare to be different

Though sometimes I often feel insignificant

I promise to remember Draco when I make a bad choice and pay for it

But my enemy forgives me, despite our disagreements

For Harry Potter changed my life

Despite it being long

And no matter what anyone says

I will always sing its song.

YOU ARE NOW LEAVING THE HARRY POTTER SECTION. THANK YOU, COME AGAIN.

All credits of this beautiful speech goes to Nic-n'-Nyx. Copied from Drag0nst0rm's profile.

You may be a reject. You may not be smooth with the spoken word. You may be the most popular kid in school. You may be the boss at your office. You may be short or tall or heavy or light or anorexic or white or dark or struck by an unfriendly label. You may be the homeless guy on the corner or the one inside the store signing books as you hand them out. You may listen to Justin Bieber or to Three Days Grace. But what you are is a writer; never doubt the power of what you can do. Tell me, what did you learn more from this year; the President, or the Hunger Games? The senator or Rick Riordan? The public speaker or Clarissa Fray? Your boss or Pi Patel? American Idol or the Twilight Saga? A list of facts or Harry Potter? Which of them stole the most of your time? Which is more well-known?

It's the book. Every time. People fail to realize flaws in our society in their own lives, but they see it in District Twelve and in the Capitol. Books make clear what we can't see with the naked eye. Authors are the ones that speak to people's hearts. Writers are the ones people turn to for lessons and entertainment. It's been this way for thousands of years. We are the teachers of every child who opens a book. The themes we write are the themes they learn. We are there in every life, a quiet influence bound in a pretty cover, months' worth of work and reading, colored with imagery built around the lightning rod of an unforgettable plot line. A story spent months reading is memorable more than a speech listened to for just five minutes. I can't name all the leaders of the world right now, nor what they decide to preach about, but I can tell you all the characters from Percy Jackson, and every little thing they taught me. And they are things worth learning.

So don't think there's a better way to make a point. Don't think there's a better way to reach your audience. Fiction stories have been striking the hearts of their readers farther back than anyone alive can remember. And striking the heart is what makes literature so different from everything else. Don't ever doubt your ability to show someone something new, to teach them a life lesson, or the importance of what you have to say. Say it in this foreign language everyone knows. Decorate it with characters and light it with sights and smells and sounds and touches and tastes and give it to the public gift-wrapped with your finest effort. Because I guarantee you, someone is bound to hear you clearer than they've heard anyone else before.

I hope you've found some words of inspiration. The world needs it desperately. Do us all a favor, all you writers, and come out of hiding. We've had the greatest influence of all over people of the past, and as we act now, we are the ones influencing the future. We have more knives and pens than the BVB Army, more sway in society than the Senate (whom we have proved this to before), more power than any celebrity you could name. I'm calling on you now. Rise up. I dare you to write something today that readers won't forget. I challenge you to make someone cry with one thin little page of text. I urge, no, I demand you to put something down on paper that'll be copied and produced and remembered for longer than Ancient Mythologies have been. I dare you to slam a revolving door. I demand you to write a message in the folds of a book and watch how, in awe, people unwrap it. Watch your footprints stand bold against the falling snow and refuse to be covered. It is all possible, I assure you. You have no idea just what power you hold in a pen - or a keyboard - until you use it.

And right now, the world needs you to use it more than ever.

We, writers, have made history. We were the ones to record it. And that ability has not changed at all, just our awareness and will to use it. We were given the gift language and storytelling for a reason.

This is that reason. It's calling. So ask yourself what message you want to send. Ponder about what you want to say. Because the world is listening to us above all other beings currently on this earth. Us, not the movies, not the official-labeled politicians, not the superstars. And it's our job to give it a story that's worthwhile.

What's yours?