Jasper-rox-ma-polkadot-soxhide bio
Ummm... okaaaaaaaaay... umm... am I supposed to write about maself here? I'll take that as a yes. Riiight... me... Ma name is Clotty. Yeah. I love cheese (applewood smoked cheddar), cars (Audis TT and R8), Metallica and all subsequent matal bands, writing and anything funky I am the most -cough- brilliant, random, funky, amazing, wounderifical, woopificated cough person in the world. I have a permantent cold. I love cheese. Cheese rox ma multicoloured polkadot sox. Indeed. Huzzar! Huzzar! And to thoust a toast! With jam! Jam is soooooooo funky! It rox ma sox! Ummm... I is now confuzzled... 'Coz i dont like jam -gasp-! Je suis bilingual et eternally confuzzled. J'aime aussi le petit cochon d'inde! Woop! Go guinea pigs! Ummm... Is there a limit on how much I'm allowed to write on this Profile/Bio thing? If so, has anyone reached it? Can I be the first? Do you like cheese? I like cheese! Cheese rox! Yay cheese! Did you know that... General sounds like queneral, which in turn sounds like funeral, which is too depressing... Also, my personal view is that 'quiet' should be spelled with 2 q's - qquiet. however, if it was, would it be sounded kwhyet(as it is now) or kwookwhyet? Pleease give your views! Also... I like books! Such as... The Twilight Saga! (Esclipse is the best in ma opinion, then Twilight) Angel! Darkest Powers Trilogy (not that I've read all of them, wot with them not being out...) Harry Potter! I Coriander! Dragons In Our Midst! Book Of Dead Days! Ummm... Loads of others that I can't be bothered to list! |
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Into the Dream by fanpiremari reviews
Previously named First Impressions-Twilight fan Lily thinks it's all a story, but is it? She learns more than what she expects when she moves close to Forks. What if she gets imprinted on by Jacob and Renesmee's son? What kind of trouble will arise?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 76,403 - Reviews: 169 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 3/19/2012 - Published: 11/6/2008
BellaSitting with the Cullens by Elise Penn reviews
When Bella gets hurt by having too much fun, Edward puts her on ultimate lockdown mode. The Cullens take turns bellasitting her! Extremely funny and worth reading. PLEASE REVIEW Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, it belongs to Stephanie Meyers.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 21,234 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 11/12/2011 - Published: 5/28/2009 - Bella
Everyday Moments Of Perfection by HarlequinRaven reviews
A collection of drabbles and one-shots; all about our favourite seer and empath, Jasper and Alice. The unseen moments of their lives; the highs, the lows, and every part in-between. Includes; missing moments from books, family moments and AU/AH specials.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 57 - Words: 66,302 - Reviews: 1262 - Favs: 321 - Follows: 183 - Updated: 1/14/2011 - Published: 11/2/2008 - Alice, Jasper
Shields of Power by thunderful reviews
What if Bella already knew about vampires before she came to Forks, what if she'd already met the Volturi, but wasn't allowed to tell anyone? And most importantly, what if she had her own gift?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 45 - Words: 151,866 - Reviews: 4775 - Favs: 6,076 - Follows: 2,865 - Updated: 1/14/2011 - Published: 9/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Environment Week by mswhitlock reviews
It's Environment Week at Forks High School. What happens when Mr. Banner decides to take the school camping to celebrate? Rated T just to be safe.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 26,875 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 80 - Updated: 7/27/2010 - Published: 10/6/2009 - Bella, Edward
Hogwarts: The Twilighted Version by AvrilSays reviews
While trekking in Britain, the Cullens come across a suspicious looking ruin, which turns out to be a school of magic - Hogwarts. Soon, the Cullens are lured into the world of magic.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 15,123 - Reviews: 207 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 5/14/2010 - Published: 12/21/2008
Twilight alt by writing style reviews
Bella dislikes Edward to the core
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 14 - Words: 16,727 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 1/2/2010 - Published: 9/16/2009 - Edward, Bella
Morning Dew by Revontuli reviews
Did the battle scene at the end of Breaking Dawn leave you feeling cheated? -- This is my alternate ending to the series.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Suspense/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 11 - Words: 33,536 - Reviews: 108 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 12/31/2009 - Published: 9/13/2009 - Bella
Never Ending by Alycat13 reviews
Two months after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, but instead of sitting around crying she actually does something about it- R&R- "You may not love me today, tomorrow, or ever, but I will love you until it kills me, and, even then, you'll be in my heart."
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 44 - Words: 38,768 - Reviews: 272 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 78 - Updated: 12/23/2009 - Published: 2/28/2009 - Bella
Isis Academy by blue.eyed.girl.620 reviews
Bella is the Goddess of Beauty and Love, moving to a school for mutants. Summary sucks alot but i promise it will be good! Not my story, my sisters. Read my profile to get the whole story about my sister.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 54,601 - Reviews: 174 - Favs: 118 - Follows: 84 - Updated: 12/11/2009 - Published: 2/14/2009 - Complete
Metamorphosis by Riniel o Imladris reviews
Pale lavender eyelids flicker, thick black lashes caress porcelain cheeks – and Bella opens her eyes... She is awake. She is all right. Edward's point of view in "Breaking Dawn", beginning with Book Three.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 21 - Words: 259,088 - Reviews: 878 - Favs: 1,339 - Follows: 527 - Updated: 11/29/2009 - Published: 9/21/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Phone Calls by Rock'n'Slash reviews
8 yr. after BD. Just random hiliarious phone calls between Edward&Jacob, Bella&Nessie, and Emmett&Jasper. Included: u-arent-good-enough-4-my-daughter-ness, all-men-are-idiots-ness, & lets-reek-havic-on-the-poor-pathetic-humans-ness. Some lauguage.MWHAHA!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 71 - Words: 36,725 - Reviews: 1867 - Favs: 522 - Follows: 299 - Updated: 11/14/2009 - Published: 9/15/2008
The Misadventures of Emmett by Glittercups69 reviews
This is alot of short stories about non-other than Emmett! they are all pretty funny and the ideas for them came from storied on here and from friends and my own brain power lol enjoy and don't forget to R/R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 10,506 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 10/15/2009 - Published: 2/2/2009 - Emmett
Twibbles by Addicted to Edward Cullen reviews
A collection of Twibbles I have written. A Twibble is a story of 250 words or less that contain a specific quote from one of the Twilight books.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 988 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 10/6/2009
Something Other by Unofficial Cullen reviews
Bella Swan is not a vampire, werewolf, or witch. She’s “something other.” Vamps/Werewolves included. Canon Pairings. Nominated for Indie TwiFic award!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 31 - Words: 63,708 - Reviews: 849 - Favs: 1,109 - Follows: 463 - Updated: 10/4/2009 - Published: 10/31/2008 - Complete
The Instant Message Wooing of Bella Swan by addisonj reviews
Edward Cullen is a painfully shy computer geek who falls for high tech coworker Bella Swan. Unfortunately, he's afraid to talk to her without his laptop present. He needs Alice and IM for help. One shot for Google-ward Contest. AH. Complete.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,389 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 88 - Follows: 23 - Published: 10/3/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Captain Sparklesalot by beckysparkles reviews
Cullen Family time. Don't you just love it! Emmett is bored and wants to play, but how will he get Edward to agree? And what will happen when they all join in? Hope this makes you smile.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,969 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 9/25/2009 - Published: 9/16/2009 - Emmett, Edward - Complete
Explanations by Smittenwhenbitten reviews
After Breaking Dawn, Charlie knows they can't tell him everything, and he won't ask them to; but did Bella really know what she was getting into when she married Edward? A Bella and Charlie chat, with Edward and even Emmett getting involved in the end.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,068 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 9/24/2009 - Published: 9/20/2009 - Bella, Charlie S. - Complete
Eternal Dusk by AnkouBlake reviews
Breaking Dawn spoilers! Three years after their victory, the Cullens are continuing to live their peaceful life in Forks. Renesmee continues to grow at an alarming rate, both physically and mentally, developing new abilities as time wears on. When she is
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Supernatural - Chapters: 15 - Words: 41,494 - Reviews: 156 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 9/10/2009 - Published: 9/28/2008 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Jacob
The Subtle Art Of Perception by HarlequinRaven reviews
Behind every beautiful thing in the world, there is some kind of pain. Leah/Jasper friendship. Post BD. Rated M for language/mature themes.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 18,899 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 8/31/2009 - Published: 5/19/2009 - Leah, Jasper
Plain To See by Smittenwhenbitten reviews
How did Charlie begin to realise that Edward wasn't going anywhere this time? A local well meaning busybody points out the truth - and it doesn't help Charlie's headache! Set during Eclipse while Bella was still grounded.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,072 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 17 - Published: 8/25/2009 - Charlie S. - Complete
Keep Away with the Cullens by piratehannelore reviews
Edward's on edge. Emmett and Jasper can't handle it. So they decide to give Edward a taste of his own medicine...with a game of keep away...with Bella as the prize. What happens when the rest of the family joins in? Reviews please. T for mild language
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 31,272 - Reviews: 860 - Favs: 463 - Follows: 400 - Updated: 8/23/2009 - Published: 8/28/2008 - Complete
Belladventure! by Kiara212 reviews
The Cullen's go to Africa, but everything turns to chaos! Jasper's mental, Carlisle and Alice with a camera is an impending disaster and why are those cannibals chasing them? There are a lot of adventures to be had in Africa! I don't own Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 27 - Words: 44,379 - Reviews: 108 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 8/2/2009 - Published: 11/10/2008
Twilight One Shots by AimeexLauren reviews
Bunch Of Twilight One Shot Stories By Me. More Coming Soon :
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,652 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 6/14/2009 - Published: 4/8/2009
50 Things To Do When You're Bored by Lost in Believing reviews
50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Cullen Style. You never know what could happen in the Cullen Household. Hilarity ensured for some chapters. Sometimes other people are brought into the craziness...All 50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Now Complete!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 52 - Words: 76,434 - Reviews: 3235 - Favs: 949 - Follows: 442 - Updated: 4/13/2009 - Published: 7/3/2008 - Complete
My Book of Twilight OneShots by Kathryn1234 reviews
Title Says All!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,684 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 3/21/2009 - Published: 1/2/2009
Truth or dare: twilight style R&R! by ttwilighttlover101 reviews
READ THIS STORY. a fun story about truth or dare, funny and entertaining. takes place the summer after twilight. read and review please!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,275 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 2/28/2009 - Published: 9/16/2008
JACOB'S FLAWS by LOSHLOVERXOXO reviews
THIS IS A STROY TO MAKE FUN OF JACOB. IF YOU LIKE JACOB THEN LIVE WITH IT.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,664 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 2/21/2009 - Published: 11/6/2008
Twilight: If Only by TeamVampire reviews
Twilight version. Series of one shots about hilarious situations which could occur, if only someone would trigger them.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 585 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 5 - Published: 1/31/2009
Surviving by MonsterMovie reviews
Edward leaves with Alice and Jasper and Bella are left on their own. Edward returns and doesn't like the idea of Jasper and Bella. Thus begins a rollercoaster of events
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 6,506 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 89 - Updated: 1/18/2009 - Published: 10/14/2008 - Jasper, Bella - Complete
Abridged Twilight : Brunch by Gennerator reviews
Twilight condensed. Just add water and you've got the real thing!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 671 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/5/2009 - Complete
Twilight: condensed by Lacuna Inc reviews
Basically, this is a condensed version of Twilight for those not courageous enough to read the original book. I don't blame you. This story is definitely anti-twilight, so if you're a rabid fan, this is not for you.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 658 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Published: 12/15/2008 - Bella, Edward
The Meadow by ocicat reviews
A parody of when Bella and Edward went to the meadow in Twilight. Please read. Three SHOT?
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,885 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 12/11/2008 - Published: 10/6/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Bella & Alice : The Prank War by NoOffence101 reviews
When Alice and Bella get pranked by the Cullen boys, they team up. And there's nothing scarier than a future seeing vampire pixie, and a clumsy, crafty human! This is my first FanFic but I think it's good lol! Chapter 4 here!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 3,504 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 106 - Follows: 107 - Updated: 11/23/2008 - Published: 7/3/2008 - Alice, Bella
Twilight One Shots! by ANNEMARIECULLEN reviews
Collections of my Twilight One-Shots! Various ratings! Read and Review please.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,145 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 10/28/2008 - Published: 10/24/2008
Silver Paint by smileyboo22 reviews
When Bella accidentally damages Edward's car in his absence, she suffers at the hands of a nosy neighbor. Will Edward be there in time to save her? Humor. Oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,852 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/25/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Fun at the Park by smileyboo22 reviews
When Edward goes out hunting for the day, Alice and Emmett decide to take Bella to the park. Hilarity ensues, involving a large luncheon basket, a tire swing, and a dangerously orange frisbee.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,861 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 10/25/2008 - Published: 7/7/2008 - Bella, Alice
truth or dare w vampires by vampirechick123 reviews
Its truth or dare with vampires... Bella realizes what being a Cullen really means. Very funny R&R you'll love it. rated T for a reason. COMPLETE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 17,247 - Reviews: 587 - Favs: 399 - Follows: 192 - Updated: 10/13/2008 - Published: 10/27/2007 - Bella, Emmett - Complete
MSN with Every1! by luvingharrypotter reviews
Bella, Jake, and the Cullens have some fun on MSN.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,133 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 9/20/2008 - Published: 9/10/2008
Emmett Does His Homework by Rogue12158 reviews
Homework is a part of life. But for our dear Emmett Cullen, it's torture with a cheese topping. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH! T for swearing.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 745 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/14/2008 - Emmett - Complete
Twilight Condensed! by MonSolo23 reviews
Chapter 1: Twilight, NM, and Eclipse. CHAPTER 2: BREAKING DAWN INCLUDES SPOILERS. Rated for adult themes/minor language in Ch 2.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,892 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 8/11/2008 - Published: 4/15/2008
Twilight Condensed by Victoria Humblydum reviews
The Twilight series presented in an easy to read, Book-A-Minute format. Turn those days of reading into seconds!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 382 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/21/2008 - Complete
The Twilight Series OneShots by an edwardian princess reviews
These are my Twilight OneShots... Alternate endings, stuff that i wish could've happened and various parts of the Twilight series retold in other character's perspectives.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,860 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/5/2007