Favorite books:

- Vampire academy

- Twilight series

- Hunger games

Girl Comebacks!

Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do Not Enter"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized!"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason" Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy." Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you. Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you." Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (why wait that long)

2) Thou shall not do drugs. (alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Walmart has a bigger selection)

4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5) Thou shall not steal from your parents. (everyone knows grandma has more money)

6) Thou shall not get into fights. (Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)

7) Thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off)

8) Thou shall not strip in class. (Hooters pays more)

9) Thou shall not think about having sex. (like Nike says, "just do it")

10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street. (just leave 'em in the middle)

The Six Truths of Life:

1. You can't lick all of your teeth with your tongue.

2. You just tried to do the above.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're realizing you're an idiot.

5. You'll copy this into your profile for some other sucker to read it.