THE STORY OF JACK SCH!TT

Jack: It's pronounced "sh!t", don't get it wrong.

Who is Jack Sch!tt, you ask? The lineage is finally revealed! Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Sch!tt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation!

Jack is the only son of Awe Sc!htt and O Sch!tt. Awe Sch!tt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Sch!tt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Sch!tt, Inc. In turn, Jack married Noe Sch!tt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Sch!tt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Sch!tt, Bull Sch!tt, and the twins, Deep Sch!tt and Dip Sch!tt. Against her parents' wishes, Deep Sch!t married Dumb Sch!tt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced.

Noe Sch!tt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then know as Noe Sch!tt-Sherlock. Dip Sch!tt married Loda Sch!tt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Sch!tt.

Fulla Sch!tt and Giva Sch!tt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the "Sch!tt-Happens" wedding. The children of the Sch!tt-Happens are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Sch!tt, the prodigal son, left the home to tour the world, and recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Sch!tt.

So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Sch!tt!", you can correct them.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

"

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."

"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

"My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message, or

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart

FEMALE COMEBACKS!!
pick up line comebacks, add to it

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

x x

Girls Are Like Phones; They Like To Be Held And Talked To But If You Push The Wrong Button You Get D.I.S.C.O.N.N.E.C.T.E.D

It's True That We Don't Know What We Have Until We Lose It, But It's Also True That We've Don't Know What We've Been Missing Until It's Arrived

If Barbie's So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends?

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't

What a guy means, when he says some stuff-
"You know how bad my memory is!”
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned…but I forgot your birthday."

“Oh, don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s not big deal.”
"I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

“Take a breath honey. You work too hard.
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"It‘s a guy thing"
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"It would take too long to "
"I have no idea how it works."

"I cant find it."
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

9 Things I Hate About Everyone:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". darn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 dollars to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, it can't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was
BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism