101 things to do at WalMart - If you have done at least 10 of these then you my friend, are super awesome!!

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"

6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and candy".

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code Red in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station, turn them all off and turn up all the volumes to the max.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"

15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.

16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hell" upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!)

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

41. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

43. Two words: "Marco Polo."

44. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.

45. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

46. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

47. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

48. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

50. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

52. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."

53. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

54. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.

55. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

56. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."

59. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

65. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.

70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.

71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag

72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming"

73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes

74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices

75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane

76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle)

77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"

78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight

79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.

80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.

81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section

82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.

83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.

84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.

85. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it.

86. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smily face!"

87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.

88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught

89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.

90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."

91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.

92. Rearrange items as you see fit.

93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.

94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs.

95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex).

96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recomended).

97. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.

98. Follow someone until they notice.

99. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7 Up commercial.

100. Throw Skittles at people and scream "TASTE THE RAINBOW!"

101. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.

Female come backs

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost
this...
If you don't resend this then your love life will be doomed for eternity.

GIRLS REPOST THIS AS "female comebacks"

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile

8 things to help keep your insanity at a healthy level

1 At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2 In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

3 Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

4 Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

5 Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

6 Sing Along At The Opera.

7 When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

8 When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

Weird Questions No One Has the Answers To

Are children who act in R rated films allowed to see them?

If the SWAT team breaks down your door, do they have to replace it later?

What idiot put an 's' in the word 'lisp'?

What do you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If you're in a vehicle going at the speed of light, what happens if you turn on the headlights?BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAA

Can you breathe out your nose and your mouth at the same time?

Who was the first person to say, 'See that cow there? I'm gonna squeeze those dangly things and drink whatever comes out.'?

Is 'Cute as a button' supposed to be a compliment? Since when were buttons cute? ugh, i agree

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt'?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped spot but not illegal go on a handicapped toilet?ewwww

Have you every noticed that if you rearrange the letters in mother-in-law, it will come out as 'Woman Hitler'?...oh shit...

What happens if your snot freezes inside your nose?

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER:Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA:Here it is.
TEACHER:Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS:Maria.

TEACHER:John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER:Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:No, that's wrong
GLENN:Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER:Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:What are you talking about?
DONALD:Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER:Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:Me!

TEACHER:Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER:Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE:I is..
TEACHER:No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE:All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER:George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER:Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.T

EACHER:Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE :No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER:Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:A teacher

Top 10 signs you're dealing with a dumb criminal

1) He took public transportation to and from his bank robbery.

2) He is using his seeing eye dog as a look-out.

3) Instead of a cherry pie, she shoplifted yeast, flour, eggs, and a jar of cherries.

4) You caught him driving a stolen car with "The Club" still on.

5) He tries to convince you that he thought crack was a breakfast cereal.

6) He responds to your use of verbal force with a bunch of "Yo'momma" oneliners.

7) He makes himself laugh every time he says he's innocent.

8) He claims diplomatic immunity because he's a citizen of the Republic of Texas.

9) He asks the judge for a senior citizen discount on his 7-year sentence.

10) He left footprints and a bloody glove at the crime scene.