Author has written 1 story for Star Wars.
Hi, you guys, what’s up? (Oh, I’ll tell you what, it’s the ceiling, man.) My username is Phil the Panda 7, but you can call me Phil (one of my various nicknames…). Well, Phil is short for Philomena, so obviously I’m a girl, and I’m going to call you guys my carpet peeps, because that’s what my choir teacher calls the kids who stand on the carpet, not the floor, hence the name carpet peeps, and I always thought that that sounded cool, so you, my friend, are now a carpet peep. Hopefully some of my stories will be about Narnia, because I love Narnia to the point of infatuation, and some will be about Star Wars, and some of my other favorites. If you're lucky, I might even do a Clique/The Pretty Committee thing. I like talking and am very descriptive (wait, would talking technically be called writing, or still talking because I’m telling you a story? Hmmm, will have to get back to you on that one…) but read at your own risk because you could be sitting here quite a while. But, hey, you’re on Fan Fiction, this place is all about being in and reading/writing about your favorite story, without having to through all the horrors of editing and publishing and editing again! (Speaking from experience on that one--guess who hates editing? Who, me? Oh, you’re so smart! Oops. Sorry, there. Forgot to mention I’m a tad bit sarcastic…heh heh heh…) So read on, writer to writer, and have fun!
Urrg! Sorry, guys, but in case I haven't mentioned, I am quite the technological dunderhead (which means I pretty much suck at technology)--and I kinda locked myself outa my account...for like two months...so yeah, that's why there has been absolutely no updates, but I'm back, so yay!
Name: Philomena is my middle name (in case you didn't just read the first paragraph...)
Age: 13 as of 2014
Appearance: Crazy-curly hair that goes half-way down my back, nerd glasses, blue-gray eyes, about 5'5" (is THAT how you do the little feet/inches thingy?)
Weapon(s) of Choice: Author's Wrath, and then pen is mightier than the sword, but why pick one? I'll take the pen AND the sword, thank you very much!
Dinosaur of Choice: Remind me again WHY EXACTLY I NEED A DINOSAUR?!?!?!
Hero of Choice: Two words: Captain and America!!!
Device of Choice: Good question...I'd say probably this computer I'm working on...
Element of Choice: Fire, Darkness, or Dragon
Status: Why am I answering this?!
No, Status amongst your Characters: Gotcha. Let's just say...OH HOW SHOULD I KNOW?!
WARNING! I tend to write a lot, so if you don't like reading, my dear little carpet peep, then why are you on this?!
Harry Potter fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts!
Percy Jackson fans: I wanna go to camp Half-blood!
Pokémon fans: I wanna catch 'em all!
Hunger Games fans: I'M GOOD.
Digimon fans: (walks over to HG fans)
Pikmin fans: (does the same)
Legend of Zelda fans: (caught in between the two)
Mario fans: c'mon bro, it's awesome over here!
Narnia fans: yea, it is!
X-Men fans:...shut yo mouths.
Kirby fans: YOU SHUT YOURS! (Runs to Legend of Zelda fans) DUUUUDE JOIN THE NINTENDO!
Sonic the Hedgehog fans: (look downdrodden)
Hunger Games fans: NO! (Throws Tracker Jacker nest)
Kirby fans: AUUU! AUUU MY EYES! AUUUU-
PJO fans: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!
Hunger Games: oh, did I hit him? I WAS AIMING FOR YOU!
PJO fans: THAT DOES IT! (Tackles Hunger Games fans to the ground and starts beating up)
Harry Potter fans: ENOUGH BOTH OF YOU! (separates)
Wings of Fire fans:...What did I miss?
Pikmin fans: everything.
1. Hold your breath
2. Go to your profile and add this
3. Still holding your breath
4. If you made it, your a good kisser
Oh my goodness I almost died because I suck at computers (technology in general, actually), but YAYAYAYAYAYAY I made it! (Ooh la la...)
YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies.
You love jeans.
Dogs are better than cats.
It's hilarious when people get hurt.
You've played with/against boys on a team.
Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck. (suck x10!)
You own/ed an X-Box.
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You watch sports on TV.
You love video games.
Guitar Hero/Rock Band rule!
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun.(Depends on which sport)
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on.
Total: 10
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/stick. (Ummm, does Chapstick count...?)
You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink (on occasion!)
Go to your mum for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
Video games are boring. (gasp!)
Rock Band/Guitar Hero are a waste of time.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars. (I might just have to punch you for that...!)
You were in gymnastics/dance.
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
You smile a lot more than you should.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can. (Special occasions only!)
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like putting make-up on someone else for the heck of it. (*Blows smoke from finger guns* and I'm pretty good at it too...)
Like being the star of every thing. (Are you kidding me?)
Typing your name...WITH BODY PARTS
Type your name with your elbow: phik (It sounds like I invented a new cuss word)
Type your name with your nose: py8ip; (Weelllllllllllll...)
Type your name with your left foot: ;phil (SHUT UP, IT WAS CLOSE!)
Type your name without looking: phil (Mmmm hmmm *blows smoke from pistol*)
Type your name with your face: (...okay...) -p;0yhi8mk0op;-/, (And that is why, my dear little carpet peep, society does NOT type with their faces!)
From someone's profile:
This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.
A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?
Repost this if you truly believe in God.
Birth Months:
JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive (maybe just a little...) Sexy (Excuse me?!). Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
(I was born in February, and hopefully won't die in February. i'd say I judged myself pretty well...(glances at 'attractive')...fairly well...)
MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
MAY: (This is ME this is ME!)
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay (Why there aren't many stories are up). Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds (Never had one in my life). Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
Most girls; Are cheerleaders
Other girls; Are captain of the football team
Most girls; Cry, fuss, and stuff themselves with chocolate for a week after their boyfriend breaks up with them
Other girls; Put a sign on their ex-boyfriends back that says; "Never gonna get any"
Most girls: Learn how to bake bread and cakes from their mom
Other girls; Learn how to Barbecue from their dad.
Most girls; Play with dolls with their sister
Other girls: Play video games with their brother
Most girls; Have fits and plan revenge
Other girls: Play pranks
Most girls; Slap people
Other girls: Punch people
Most girls; Become anorexic and shove their fingers down their throats
Other girls; Would down a whole bag of Potato chips and not give a fudge
Most girls; Would think this was garbage
Other girls: Would copy and paste this
CLASH OF THE STORIES!
Harry Potter fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts!
Percy Jackson fans: I wanna go to camp Half-blood!
Pokémon fans: I wanna catch 'em all!
Hunger Games fans: I'M GOOD.
Digimon fans: (walks over to HG fans)
Pikmin fans: (does the same)
Legend of Zelda fans: (caught in between the two)
Mario fans: c'mon bro, it's awesome over here!
Narnia fans: yea, it is!
X-Men fans:...shut yo mouths.
Kirby fans: YOU SHUT YOURS! (Runs to Legend of Zelda fans) DUUUUDE JOIN THE NINTENDO!
Sonic the Hedgehog fans: (look downdrodden)
Hunger Games fans: NO! (Throws Tracker Jacker nest)
Kirby fans: AUUU! AUUU MY EYES! AUUUU-
PJO fans: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!
Hunger Games: oh, did I hit him? I WAS AIMING FOR YOU!
PJO fans: THAT DOES IT! (Tackles Hunger Games fans to the ground and starts beating up)
Harry Potter fans: ENOUGH BOTH OF YOU! (separates)
Wings of Fire fans:...What did I miss?
Pikmin fans: everything.
I COULDN'T FOCUS ON MATH BECAUSE-
Garmadon took over my brain and made it in his image
I was busy using the force to lift up my pencil
Lloyd asked me to get his comic book and I can't remember the name of it
raptors killed my math brain cells and then ate them
the compys poisoned my finger and I needed to clean it
Andrew the Piplup watered down my coffee this morning (I don't drink coffee!)
I was busy making faces on the paper
the force...it calls me...
Matt the grovyle was hungry so I feed him my math book...it tasted good
Olimar needed more cash so his Pikmin carried my paper away and then he sold it
a bulborb ate my calculator
a raptor ate my calculator
I ate my calculator (wait, what?)
toothless ate my calculator
there was the funniest thing on the internet the other day, and-
...FOOOOOORCE...
the raptors ate my desk (they're hungry today!)
the cat slept on my right hand, so I used my left to write a love letter. it looked like a hate letter...
Mr. foot finally kissed my sister (you'd understand it in my family...)
the raptors ate the replacement brain cells
a dragon wanted to eat me outside, so I used my celestial bronze pencil to kill it. I'm writing this in blood...
I accidentally died and had to escape the underworld
(cool using-the-force noises)
Percy called me with the iris message, so I said 'find Annabeth, and-wait, you're still alive?'
I found diamonds so I had to mine them with my pickaxe, which broke so I needed to craft a new one
I had to fend off the raptors with a bomb before they ate me
yes, they technically ate me with the brain cells
I needed to dim my Lanturn
Lloyd disappeared in my fanfic and I had to fish him out
the compys swarmed me, so I used my celestial bronze pencil to kill them
I fell asleep waiting for Jurassic Park 4
I needed to repopulate the red Pikmin after a bulbear ate all of them but Steve
and then Steve went to kill a blowhog
I don't know if Steve is still alive
the magical pixie sparkle-power from Barbie princess bothered me, so I killed IT with my celestial bronze pencil
I LOVE THIS PENCIL!!!!!!
Vanessa V. Velociraptor was hungry (where are they all coming from?) and she ate my erasers
my celestial bronze pencil needed to be sharpened
Percy called me again with the iris message and said, 'yea I'm alive now give back riptide!'
I needed it to help with the magical pixie sparkle-power from Barbie princess from 5 accuses ago
so I did. that was fun...
Hiccup called me iris-message-style and asked where toothless was. I said 'he ate my calculator.'
why is everyone using the iris message nowadays?!
Silver and her warriors need me! let me out of this Starclan-forbidden place!
I went to jump off the empire state building while singing I Believe I can Fly.
I had to write this. :)
FIVE STEPS TO BECOMING AN AWESOME WRITER
1: Follow the rules
Much too often I find the Misc. Book section clogged up with introductions to profiles and useless poetry. people, please, that section is for...wait for it...MISCELANIOUS BOOKS. You can introduce yourself on your profile like everybody else!
2: Take a note or two from other authors.
'a smile played on his lips'. 'silver carpet crept under the sofa'. Both from other books I've read. Find yourself an author and look around at his or her writings, take a note about a good adjective or description. It'll make the world a little bit better.
3: Correct your spelling
No, I don't want to see how fudged-up you can write. Correct your grammar, look it up, find a Beta Reader, use the spelling check conveniently stowed away in Microsoft word. It's a pain in the neck for misspelling to be read.
4: KILL ALL THE MARY SUES!
Mary Sues. We all hate 'em. Double check your characters; does Bob really need flying and fire powers? Will Jose actually use her camouflage ability? Specify they're abilities on one or two specific elements. If they have abilities.
5: Study up
Research your borrowed characters. In other words, THERE IS ONLY ONE FUDGING NIGHT FURY! I MEAN, REALLY, PEOPLE PLEASE! Don't make them do something they wouldn't do in their own series. A child's show isn't going to curse and a teen's is. The hero is rarely selfish and the villain has reasonable plans.
WORDS TO LIVE BY (or, good phrases off the internet)
"don't ask them questions; it might possibly kill you."-Lotuspaw of Stormclan
"WHY DO I GO ANYWHERE WITH YOUUUU?!?!"-multiple characters riding on something fast
"I'm like a prickly pear!"-graystripe, warrior cats spoofs
"everything is awesome!"-The Lego movie
"I'm a prickly pear, I'm a prickly pear-"-graystripe, warrior cats spoofs
"you can't put aging cream on a 5-year-old, she'll disappear!"-berdgrum, Jessie
"we are so hooped!"-Jay, Ninjago
"blue? it's my favorite color!"-Nya, Ninjago (I hear ya, girl.)
"This does not compute!" (twitch, twitch)-Zane, Ninjago
"May the force be with you."-Obi wan canobi, Star wars
"there has been a failure ON THE INTERNETS."-LOL cats poster (oh no! :0)
"WHAT."-my older sibling Laura
"hey look at me, I'm-"(CRASH!)-me at the ice rink (I fell 6 times before I got it.)
"The last time America was in Germany and we saw someone standing above everyone else, we had a problem."-Captain America, The Avengers
"Never giving up, so hold your head up-"-Pokémon theme song
"dude hey dude dude hey dude hey dude-"-Amberdiamondswords
"bringing dinosaurs off this island...was the worst idea...in the long, sad history of bad ideas."-Jurassic Park 2
"WELL, THEY TRY TO GET OFF THE ISLAND, BUT SOME INEXPLAINABLE FORCE, KNOWN AS THE HUMAN COMEDY TV, PREVENTS THAT!"-me, in response to why the Gilligan's Island crew doesn't get off the island
"WHAT is THAT?"-several characters
"weren't there always four clans in the forest?" "no, Firestar. there were always five."-Bluestar, the darkest hour
"S-Scourge, Scourge is dead!"-random tortishell, the darkest hour (best...fail...EVER.)
"pain. love it!"-Hiccup, how to train your dragon
"a gggggggirl?"-Pokémon comic
"you're right! the natural response for women is to scream!"-my friend after seeing me about to get hit with a basketball
"Okay, if I turn purple then you know not to eat them!"-Tai, Digimon (lovely way of experimenting -_-)
"Throw a blanket over it!"-Catbug
"you scared?" "no...are you?" "no...but...maybe I'll just hold onto you...so you don't chicken out on me, okay?"-Matt and Tai, about to get shot with arrows (I LOVE THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES!)
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make a plane."-Philosiraptor
"the sentence on the bottom is false
the sentence on the top is true"-Philosiraptor
"if a tomato is a fruit, then is ketchup a smoothie?"-Philosiraptor (Gross, gross, GROSS! I HATE ketchup, and that has just partially ruined smoothie for me!)
"In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some divine force is really trying to mess up your day."- Percy Jackson
"ACK!"-Several character's exclamation of surprise
"Hey, nice house you got there. Be a shame if something happened to it..."-Creeper meme
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do then by the things you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."-Mark Twain, Minecraft end quote (I don't play Minecraft, but I like this quote!)
"The duration of a film should not exceed the capacity of the human bladder."-Alfred Hitchcook
"make like Elsa and Let it go!"-me, after hearing my sister complain for the twentieth time.
"How am I supposed to find the link? your profile is like six feet long!" me, trying to figure out Renre's Fan Fiction
"I can fly, that therefore makes me superior to all of you."-Yoshi caption
COPY AND PASTE SECTION (What we've probably all been waiting for...)
Copy and paste this if you love cookies, waffles, and cake.
Copy and paste this if you are a Narnia fan.
Copy and paste this if you think Pikmin have an advantage against everyone else (bow to your flower king!)
98% of the world would have a breakdown if Justin Bieber was on the top of the Eiffel Tower saying he's gonna jump. Post this if you're part of the 2% sitting in the front, eating popcorn while yelling, "Do a flip!"
Copy and paste this if you BELIEVE YOU CAN FLY!!!!
Copy and paste this if Pikachu has lost weight since 1998. Because he obviously has.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews in your email, paste this into your profile.
If you actually take the time to read other peoples profiles, copy this to yours.
If you ever wished you could live in a story, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. (ha.)
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you hate girly-girls or people who think that they are everything, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are a nerd and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're a girl and get sick and tired of guys assuming that you're weak and can’t fight, copy and paste this into your profile.
Less than 1 percent of female teenagers don't use make-up. Are you one of those who don't? BE PROUD AND GLUE THIS THING IN YOUR PROFILE!
If you love writing, copy and paste this into your profile
Only fteefin prenect of poelpe can raed this. fI you are one fo taht prenect, cpoy and pstae tihs itno yuor porflie
98% of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2% that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you like reading fics, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have a crush on a tv show character, copy and paste this into your profile.
Ways to Annoy People at the Cinema:
Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
Go, "Oooooh . . ." whenever anyone kisses.
Clap when the good guy gets killed.
During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.
Yell out what is going to happen.
Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.
Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.
Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino . . .)
Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.
Try to start a wave.
Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.
Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.
Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"
Sing with the theme music.
Bring and use your own air freshener.
At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."
Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.
Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.
Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.
When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"
Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"
Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.
Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.
Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"
Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.
Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.
Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room.
Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.
Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"
Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"
Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"
Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.
Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.
Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.
Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.
You are a... (When I bold it, it means it applies to me)
CHILD OF ZEUS
You like being in charge.
You often wish you could just zap someone with a thunderbolt.
You were voted Class President.
You do what’s best for everyone.
You think you have what it takes to run for President. (*snickers* Or at least I'd do better than the current one...)
You think every problem has a solution
You love showing off.
You like plane rides.
You are hydrophobic
3/10
CHILD OF POSEIDON
You feel at home in the water.
Your favorite vacation place is at the beach.
You enjoy snorkeling, scuba diving, surfing, etc. (You forgot knee-boarding!)
You want to do something about the marine species being abused today.
You visit the local pool on a daily basis
You swim professionally.
You hate seafood.
You never get seasick.
You’d rather ride a boat than a plane.
You are acrophobic.
6/10 (I may be a halfblood?!)
CHILD OF HADES
You’re not that much of a people person.
You like staying in the dark and writing.
You experience bad moods on a regular basis.
You like listening to loud, angry music.
You spend most of your time alone.
You think parties are sometimes loud and annoying.
You like to keep to yourself.
All your closets are padlocked (or you wish they could be)
You write in diary/journal/blog. (My blog, carpet peep, as you can hopefully see)
You feel most active at night.
4 1/2 /10
CHILD OF DEMETER
You own a garden.
You have a green thumb.
You’re an environmentalist.
You have a special connection with animals.
You’re a vegetarian.
You like going hiking, camping, and looking at the natural wonders of the world.
You always check a product if it’s environmentally-friendly.
You love going to flower shops.
You think global warming is a threat that must be dealt with. (Is it getting hotter in here?)
3/10
CHILD OF ARES
You often start fights.
You’re a very aggressive type of person.
You like watching wrestling.
You’re competitive.
You like reading about war.
You don’t take * from anybody.
You have anger management.
You never back away from a fight. (You will be spinning from my verbal whiplash, and I don't cuss.)
Everyone does what you say.
You don’t always think before you do something.
2/10
CHILD OF ATHENA
You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
You’re probably the only person who visit the library on a regular basis.
Half of your Christmas presents last year were books.
You like reading about war, mostly about the reasons and controversies behind it.
You’re the valedictorian in your class.
You’ve never gotten a grade below 80 in your report card.
You get political jokes without asking people to explain them.
You think it would be better if you were the President.
You have a huge shelf of books at home.
You think vinyl pocket protectors are useful
7/10 (You better believe it. :) )
CHILD OF APOLLO
You’re very creative and artistic.
You like listening to all kinds of music in general.
You always feel sunny and optimistic.
You are talented at drawing
You like writing poetry.
You can play at least 3 musical instruments.
You like going to art museums.
You almost always win 1st Place in Art Contests.
You have straight A's in Art on your report card
Your school notebook has more doodles than notes.
3/10
HUNTER OF ARTEMIS
You dislike boys in general.
A deer is one of your favorite animals
You can shoot targets
You like silver.
You like the moon better than the sun
Zoe Nightshade is awesome.
You love wild animals
You spend most of your time outdoors.
You love to move around the place
Hunting is not cruel, if it's to hunt down monsters
4/10
CHILD OF HEPHAESTUS
You have a way with tools.
You build awesome things during your free time.
You’re the best at Woodshop in your class.
Metalworking is your forte.
You have your own toolbox.
You often search the Internet to look for pictures of robots.
You’re a techie.
You often have carpentry projects.
You dream of being a carpenter.
You aren’t afraid of fire.
0/10 (Not surprised...)
CHILD OF APHRODITE
Every guy/girl swoons for you
You like putting on makeup.
You naturally smell good.
You never experience a bad hair day.
Your favorite activity is clothes-shopping.
You’re always at the front of every trend.
You’re the popular girl/guy at your school.
You’re often invited to parties.
Your motto is ‘It’s never a party without me.”
You look at yourself in the mirror on a regular basis.
You have a posse with you most of the time.
1/11
CHILD OF HERMES
You like pickpocketing your friends.
You’re a prankster.
You consider yourself restless.
You’re the best speaker in the class.
You like thinking on your feet and using your wits.
You’re inventive and resourceful.
You often start arguments.
You’ve never lost a debate.
You like making witty and sarcastic statements.
5/ 9
CHILD OF DIONYSUS
You’re the life of the party.
You like wine. (I LIKE SPARKLING WATER, DOES THAT COUNT?!)
You can finish a martini in less than a minute.
You have a happy, cheerful disposition.
You’re a foodie.
You like going to social events and mingling with people.
You like trying out new food.
You feel that you’re abundant in life.
4/8 (Facepalm... why why why why why)
This is an original by my friend Reevee21
One has not Truly Lived,
till you have heard a Purple Martin's song,
till you have proven one right wrong,
till you have tasted chocolate on your tongue,
till you've set your gaze upon a Chinese lung,
till you conquered your worst, scary fear,
till you saw a campfire very near,
till you met someone you truly loved,
till you stroked the feathers of a turtle dove,
till you stayed calm and whisper "I believe",
till you felt the agony of a loved one leave,
till you held your breath and your lungs explode,
till you tasted an alo' mode,
till you dare to see a dragon take flight,
till you've experienced lightning's beautiful light,
till you've hummed or sang a song,
till you stay up all night long,
till you write on FanFiction,
till you felt the cool touch of lichen,
till you worn your favorite color,
till you stroked a cat...or...
one has not truly lived
till they get out in life
and explore
dream
imagine
eat crème
dare
fly
scare
write
kneel
soar
feel
One has not Truly Lived till They have Truly Lived.
Things I Do In My Spare Time:
Read read read
Watch movies AMAP (As Much As Possible)
Imagine the glory of real velociraptor in dinosaur train
Sit at my dad's desk and type on the laptop
Stare at the ceiling (I am booooooooorrrrrrreeed)
Breath
Try to touch the high beams of every doorway
Try to use the Force (You can stay busy for hours trying to make that thing work.)
Attempt to clean up 'the Bermuda square', A.K.A my bedroom
Imagine my favorite dragon
Update my profile on fanfiction
Draw cats, dragons, Pokémon, and my trainer all over the whiteboard
Imagine about five hundred different kinds of crossovers, but only manage to do three of them
Play on the iPod I share with my sisters
Try to figure out words like kleptomaniac (addicted to stealing) and trebuchet (a medieval catapult)
Go around singing random songs at the top of my lungs. Examples
"LET IT GO! LET IT GO! CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANY MORE!"
"THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS!"
"THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW!"
7 Reasons Not to Mess with Small Children.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Things to do on an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask, "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...
When I was born I was BLACK,
When I grew up I was BLACK,
When I'm sick I'm BLACK,
When I go in the sun I'm BLACK,
When I'm cold I'm BLACK,
When I die I'll be BLACK.
But you sir,
When you're born you're PINK,
When you grow up you're WHITE,
When you're sick, you're GREEN,
When you go in the sun you turn RED,
When you're cold you turn BLUE,
And when you die you turn PURPLE.
And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Cinderella walked on broken glass.
Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass.
Belle fell in love with a hideous beast.
Jasmine married a common thief.
Ariel walked on land for love and life.
Snow White barely escaped a knife.
It was all about blood, sweat and tears,
Because love means facing your biggest fears.
Idiot test: 20 and You lose!
Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.
Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking.
You have run into a glass/screen door.
You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.
You have run into a tree.
It IS possible to lick your elbow!
You just tried to lick your elbow
You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star have the same rhythm.
You just tried to sing them.
You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen
You have choked on your own spit.
You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it. (Never seen it)
You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice
You just looked at it.
Your hair is blonde/dirty blonde/has blonde in it.
People have called you slow.
You have accidentally caught something on fire
You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes/cheek.
You have caught yourself drooling.
You’ve fallen asleep in class.
If someone says “fart” you laugh. You just laughed.
Sometimes you just stop thinking.
You tell a story and forget what you were talking about.
People are often shaking their heads and walking away from you.
You are often told to use your “inside voice”.
You use your fingers to do simple math.
You have eaten a bug.
You are taking this test when you should be doing something important
You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it
You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand, pocket, head, etc.
You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t even when you know it won’t happen to you.
You break a lot of things.
Your friends know not to use big words around you
You sometimes tilt your head when you’re confused
You have fallen out of your chair before
Total: 18. Oh good!
10 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity.
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
3. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
4. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
5. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
6. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
7. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."
8. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
9. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
10. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!!
A List of Random Facts:
- The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.
- You are more likely to die from a coconut than a shark attack.
- It is literally impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
- Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
- If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
- The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
My Mother Taught Me
My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."
My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING.
"You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more."
My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Go Into Your Bedroom And Do This! (OK, I'm doing it in my friend Reevee21's room because she has Internet and I don't. :P)
1. Grab the book nearest to you, and go to page 111, Paragraph 6. What is it? "She didn't answer." (Loki's Wolves)
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch? A hot pink reading lamp.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Puss in Boots The Three Diablos
4. Without looking, guess what time it is? 5:25 PM
5. Now look at the clock. What time is it really? 5:48 PM
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? My best friend's three-year-old sister speaking gibberish to herself.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? About two hours ago, and I was having a water-balloon fight.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? My Personal Messages.
9. What are you wearing? Baby pink t-shirt with ruffled flowers, cutoff Justice jeans, homemade charm bracelet.
10. Did you dream last night? Yes, and I can't remember for anything what it was about.
11. When did you last laugh? 'Bout 5 minutes ago.
12. What are on the walls of the room you are in? Reevee's Pokémon posters.
13. Seen anything weird lately? Reevee's Kansas Crawfish poster. (Creeeeeeepyyyyy! :P)
14. What do you think of this quiz? My back is cramped from leaning over the computer for this long. 'Nuff said.
15. What is the last film you saw? See Question 3.
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? I'd use it to buy college tuition to YALE! (Go Bulldogs :P)
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
18. If you could change two things about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Get Obama fired!! Oh, and force everybody with over 2 million dollars to give at least half to charities concerning child abuse, poverty, world hunger, and others. Oh, I'd also force the Middle East to stop fighting and killing people 24/7.
19. Do you like to dance? Like nobody's watching. :)
20. George Bush. What about 'im?
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Avery Rose
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Christopher Gorden
REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE:
1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)
2. Meet the recruitment bunny!
3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!
4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!
5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys!
6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life!
7. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?
8. WORLD DOMINATION! And the dark side is sooo much better than the good side!
9. You get to wear a white lab coat! (ooh la la)
10. You can access our stock of cool evil gadgets. (aka a blender and toaster.)
11. You get to wear tall black shiny boots and a black shiny belt. (NO SUSPENDERS! WE'RE NOT FIREFIGHTERS OR PEOPLE WHOSE PANTS FALL DOWN!)
12. You get to wear creepy masks.
13. Keyword: Power! You get lots of it.
14. All of the black capes have cool inside pockets to hold my secret bunny collection. Did I just say that out loud?
15. We get a vacation unlike the Jedi's.
16. We can do dangerous things like sky diving or eating chili or sunbathing. (Though it is hard to sunbathe when you are wearing black.)
17. We get to order our minions around.
18. When no one is looking, we have funny faces contests.
19. We love to mix stuff in the blenders and dare each other to drink it.
20. Sometimes, we hijack the TV studios and make our own commercials.
21. HOT BAD GUYS!!!
22. You get to act stupid any time and people are to afraid to laugh at you.
23. We have hot fudge sundaes every Tuesday!
24. The reason you joined
Girl Comebacks!
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: I would go to the ends of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: Your eyes, they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Guy: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Girl: It's in the phone book
Guy: But I don't know your name
Girl: That's in the phone book too
Guy: I know how to please a woman
Girl: Then please leave me alone
Guy: I can tell you want me
Girl: Ohhhh, your so right, I want you to leave
Guy: If you were a hamburger at McDonalds you would be McGorgeous
Girl: Would that be under your McLame Burger
Guy: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven
Girl: Not nearly as bad as when you fell on planet rejection
Guy: Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again
Girl: No, but sure...next time just be sure to keep walking
Man: If we were the last people on Earth, then will you be mine?
Woman: If we were the last people on Earth, you would be dead by now.
Man: Your body is like a temple
Woman: There are no services today
Girls, copy and paste this on your profile
-0-50 OR SO AWESOME WAYS TO MAKE YOUR TEACHER WANNA BACKHAND YOU!!-0-
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG??” very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “wow I can tell you’re a blast at parties”
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “ THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!”
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, “Your racist against paper aren’t you.”
8. Don’t do your Homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a supply teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name is Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say “PROVE IT!”
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write "This paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds." at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream “OMG GET AWAY! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!!”
16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena
17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room
18. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree!" after everything your teacher says
19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
20. Speak in French.
21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance”
22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well
23. "The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then."
24. Hand in an essay where every word is misspelt.
25. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “The queen is never late, everyone else is simply early."
27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”
28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”
29. Tell yourself knock-knock jokes, then laugh loads.
30. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”
32. Bring in a 7th Grader and says he’s your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question, just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewellery. I.e. necklaces, earrings, etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘I am retarded’
42. Talk to a pen.
43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what’s wrong, yell “NO I WON’T MAKE OUT WITH YOU AFTER CLASS!”
44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”
47. When a substitute teacher is taking the register, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down and go "OOOHH I KNOW THIS!!"
49. When a teacher calls on you say, "I forgot." To every question she asks.
50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favorite song.
ADDITIONALS
51. When the teacher is not facing you, get the whole class to move their desks forward towards the him/her!
52. Hum throughout the lesson, but make sure you do not get caught!
53. When a teacher asks you a question... Reply "ERM, COMPUTER SAYS NOOO!!"
54. When the teacher makes a statement, stand boldly and shout "I OBJECT!!"
55. REPEAT the last word the teacher says but say it much louder!
56. While the teachers back is turned, everyone swaps seats!
57. If you are sure you haven't passed the test, write your phone number at the end with a heart!
58. When you hear a Police car siren from outside, run around screaming in the classroom shouting "Oh no, they're here. Oh my gosh. @#!*% . @#!*% . @#!*% . What do I do? Miss/Sir you have to help me! Oh gosh. They must have found the body! HELP!"
59. When it's your turn to answer a question... Shout "NEXT!"
60. When they tell you to do something, shout back "Yeah? YOU AND WHAT ARMY?!"
Add this to you profile if you think it's funny:
Father: "You’re in big trouble Miss!"
Child: "I didn’t do anything!"
Father: "YOU KICKED HIM!!"
Child: "It was an accident!"
Father: "In the Face...?"
Child: "My foot slipped..."
Father: "Five times?!"
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME, PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed...
or if you might do these...
MUHAHAHAHAHA...
EUREKA! I FOUND THE FRIEND POST!!!!
FAKE VS. REAL
FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
BEST FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
BEST FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying “THAT WAS AWESOME!"
FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Cry with you, then beat up the sorry looser that made you cry.
FRIENDS: sitting at your funeral
BEST FRIENDS: sitting in jail for killing your murderer
FRIENDS: help you when your lost
BEST FRIENDS: steal the map, mess up your compass and give bad instructions
FRIENDS: ask why your playing Zoo Tycoon at 11:00 P.M
BEST FRIENDS: ask about everything in it then buy another Lock Ness Monster for you (true story!)
FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.
FRIENDS: frown upon violence, science fiction and bloody killing
BEST FRIENDS: say "sure I'll watch Jurassic Park/The Avengers/X-men!"
FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography of your life...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's butt that left you.
FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
BEST FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what’s wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
BEST FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost it...
AND NOW, FOR MY FAVORITE POST!
- FOR ALL THOSE CRAZY PEOPLE:
- When in doubt, push random buttons!
- There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
- Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
- Some people are like Slinky's. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.
- Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
- Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run--he hates that.
- Best excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
- Dear math, I am not a therapist, solve your own problems.
- When life gives you lemons, keep them cause hey, free lemons.
- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
- I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
- Sometimes I wonder "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" then, it hits me.
- I don't suffer from insanity . . . I enjoy every minute of it.
- WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps . . . I tend to walk into walls and off the occasional cliff.
- There are three kinds of people in the world: those that can count, and those that can't.
- The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.
- You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us.
- Slinky escalator = endless fun
- People tell me I'm weird and I say "You just figured that out?"
- Best friends are the people that know all about you and still put up with you.
- It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
- I dream of a better tomorrow- where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.
- I don't have a short attention span, I just - ooh, a kitty!
- I'm not insane . . . I just do whatever the voices tell me to.
- I don't obsess; I think intensely.
- At my lemonade stand, I used to give the first glass free and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.
- If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- The statistics of insanity is that one in every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If it's not them, it's you.
- The buddy system is essential to survival; it gives the enemy something else to shoot at.
- If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
- Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that.
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.
- Whoever said words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary.
- Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
- Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
- That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.
- I do not deny everything.
- Always proofread to make you sure you don’t any words out.
- You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then.
- When you get caught looking at him, remember he was looking back.
- I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago.
- I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
- Who ever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box.
- Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
- My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious mental problems.
- I'm not lost, I'm exploring.
- Last night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?
- If your somewhere where everybody is panicked, except you, chances are you don't fully understand the situation.
- God made man before woman, because true artist makes a rough draft before a masterpiece.
- Duck tape is like the Force, it has a light side and a dark side, and it keeps the world together!
- Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
- Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! Unless you wanna slam a revolving door, that's not going to happen.
- I don't smoke, there are cooler ways to die. (Such as jumping of the Empire State Building yelling 'I believe I can fly!').
- I didn't fall over, I was testing gravity. It still works.
- Whoever said nothing was impossible, obviously never tried to slam through a concrete wall.
- It takes real skill to trip over empty air.
- Voldemort had a flat face because he ran into the wrong wall at the station.
- I click my pen when I'm bored... or just to annoy the teacher.
- Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up
- Most learn from observation. Some learn from experimentation. Then there are those who touch the fire to see if it's hot.
- Be a rebel! Open the wrong side of the popcorn bag!
- Yes, I hit like a girl. You could to if you tried a bit harder!
- Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive.
- When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and let life wonder how you did it.
- Awkward moment when its quiet and you're eating something crunchy.
- Awkward moment when you trip up the stair's... in public.
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.
- I reject your reality and substitute my own.
- I would agree with you but then we both be wrong.
- You don't have to live forever, you just have to live.
- A wise man once said, "I don't know- go ask a woman."
- Your situations/circumstances do not define you.
- "Who's more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?"
- We are all born equal, but some are more equal than others.
- "It's not how often you fall...it's how quickly you stand back up."
- No one gets a second chance at life, that's what makes it so precious and so important.
- I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones.
- If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
- If you laugh I will laugh. If you cry I will cry, and if you jump of a cliff I will laugh harder.
- Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution."
- Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!
- Everyone brings happiness to this house: Some in coming, some in leaving.
- Determination: The feeling you get before you do something extremely stupid.
- Today, I thought about the phrase "revenge is sweet" and then thought about the phrase, "revenge is a dish best served cold." I have now come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.
- One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
- I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
- The trouble with real life is that there's no background music.
- My best friends and I are the kind of people who will spend all day trying to drown a fish.
- My friends (and I) are the type of people who spend all day trying to drown a fish.
- We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do.
- We live in an age where there are handicap parking spots in front of ice-skating rinks.
- We live in an age where the banks leave the front doors open and chain the pens to the counter.
- We live in an age where there is Braille lettering on the drive-up ATMs.
- Strangers stab you in the front.
- Friends stab you in the back.
- Boyfriends stab you in the heart.
- Best friends poke you with straws.
- God made men first. Then He had a better idea!
- Boys are like Slinkies. Practically useless, and yet it is so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.
- Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Whoever says "as easy as taking candy from a baby" has obviously never tried.
- Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
- I'm only Grumpy because you're Dopey.
- I'm the kind of girl who can watch a horror movie without getting scared, but jumps and screams when the toast pops out of the toaster.
- Forget love. I'd rather fall in chocolate!
- US quality: made in China.
- Other people want to be werewolves and vampires. I want to be a unicorn.
- Let's eat, Gramma!
- Let's eat Gramma!
- PUNCTUATION SAVES LIVES.
- I find inspiration in cooking, my family, and my dog.
- I find inspiration in cooking my family and my dog.
- COMMAS SAVE LIVES.
- It takes skills to trip over flat surfaces.
- I didn't fall. The floor just needed a hug.
- WARNING: Do not annoy the writer. She may put you in a book and kill you.
- Cleaning my room:
- 1% cleaning
- 30% complaining
- 69% playing with stuff I just found
- School:
- 1% learning
- 30% sleeping
- 69% drawing manga characters in the margins of your notebook
- Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
- Normal people scare me... but not as much as I scare them.
- I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.
- It is better to keep your mouth shut and make people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
- I wasn't calling you names. I was stating the obvious.
- I'm sick of all this talk about vampires and werewolves. What we really need is a good book about unicorns.
- I'm not cynical. Everything just sucks.
- Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
- That which doesn't kill you... will probably try again.
- The difference between brilliance and stupidity is that brilliance has its limits.
- I respect your opinion. I just think it's stupid.
- You have the right to remain silent, so please just shut up.
- I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
- I didn't slap you! I just gave you a high five in the face.
- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
- A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones that need the advice.
- I'll try being nicer when you try being smarter.
- Ah... Medieval Times. When boys opened doors for girls instead of trampling them on their way out. Those were the good old days.
- I didn't choose the fandom life. The fandom life crawled from the depths of hell, grabbed me in a chokehold, and dragged me into the flames. But hey, it's actually kinda fun down here...
- Learn from me. I am wise. No I'm not. Overlook me. Don't. Are you confused? No, you're not. I am happy. You are sad. No, I'm sad. You're not happy. You are happy. I'm confusing. You are confused. Now it makes sense. Ha.
- Smile... even though it freaks other people out.
- There's a fine line between sanity and insanity. I believe I crossed it several hundred miles back.
- Fate drove me here, then told me to get out of the car.
- When there's an awkward silence... "FOR NARNIA!"
- They told me I could become anything. So I became a rock.
- Bookstores are one of the only pieces of evidence we have left that people are still thinking.
- I ran with scissors. And lived.
- I did what they said and took the road less traveled –– now where the heck am I?
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away –– if well aimed.
- DRINK COFFEE! Do stupid things faster with more energy!
- You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.
- My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone.
- Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
- Did you know sarcasm is your body's natural defense against stupidity?
- Don't follow me. I'm lost too.
- Don't mess with me. I've got a stick.
- Smile, because I have no idea what is going on!
- Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are vegetables?
- One way to figure out how things work –– push all the buttons!
- What is this normal you speak of? Is it contagious? Stay away! I might catch your normal!
- Without those blonde moments, life would be so dull.
- When women are depressed, they eat chocolate or go shopping. When men are depressed, they invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
- Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
- Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional...
- Cheese... milk's leap toward immortality.
- If you say "gullible" really slow, it sounds like "oranges"!
- Without ME, it's just AWESO.
- Come to the nerd side. We have pi!
- The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... and spiders.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, what's your favorite color in the alphabet?
- There is a fine line between numerator and denominator.
- Roses are red.
- Violets are blue.
- I hate rhyming.
- Zebra.
- The following statement is true.
- The previous statement is false.
- The cactus wants a hug.
- Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
- Excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it.
- I see regular people!
- Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
- Silence is golden and duct tape is silver. You choose.
- If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
- I'm so gangster. I carry a squirt gun.
- If two wrongs don't make a right, try three!
- If you can't fix it with duct tape, you haven't used enough.
- I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on eBay!
- There is no "I" in "team" but if you switch around a couple letters, there is definitely a "ME"...
- The person who smiles when things go wrong is thinking of a list of people to blame it on.
- I am NOT saying you're stupid. I am merely implying it.
- There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Usually, it belongs to an incoming express train.
- Just when I thought that you said the stupidest thing ever, you kept talking.
- An idiot is a window washer who steps back to admire the wonderful cleaning job he did on the 44th floor.
- Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
- In order to lose your mind, you must have one in the first place.
- All people have the right to stupidity; some just abuse that privilege.
- I have two rules:
- One, that I am never wrong;
- And two, if I am wrong, refer to rule one...
- When giving lethal injections, the doctors first sterilize the needles. I have one question that I would love to ask –– "WHY?"
- He who claps last is not paying attention.
- If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.
- I'm not random. You just can't think as fast as me.
- MOO... I'm a fish
- Give me candy –– OR ELSE.
- Notice how "or else" is bolded, capitalized, and italicized.
- Think.
- Do you really want to mess with me?
- The question is not whether or not you have the right to remain silent. The question is whether or not you have the capacity.
- You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
- Some see the glass as half full, some see it as half empty. Me? I just want to know who the heck is drinking my soda.
- The greener grass on the other side is probably artificial turf.
- Practice makes perfect, but since nobody's perfect, why practice?
- Education is important. School, however, is another matter.
- It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile, and absolutely none at all to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
- Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
- Advice is not my forte. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
- I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
- Secret admirers are stalkers with stationery.
- It's not stealing. It's borrowing with no intention of giving back.
- Procrastinators: the leaders of tomorrow.
- Tu madre. You just got burned in Spanish.
- Chocolate is the answer no matter what the question is.
- It's okay, Pluto. I'm not a planet either.
- At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Deep, huh?
- If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.
- Worst time to have a heart attack: during a game of charades.
- Whoever said that nothing is impossible has obviously never tried eating a liquid.
- Whoever said that nothing is impossible has obviously never tried to fly a helicopter upside down.
- Whoever said that nothing is impossible has obviously never tried nailing Jell-O to a tree.
- Whoever said that nothing is impossible has obviously never tried lining up a group of people alphabetically according to height.
- Come to the Dark Side. We have COOKIES!
- Welcome to the Dark Side. Are you surprised that we lied about the cookies?
- Come to the Light Side. We have ICE CREAM!
- Welcome to the Light side. Heh, sorry, we're out of ice cream.
- Don't attempt a staring contest with a brick wall. They cheat a lot.
- When someone annoys you, remember that it takes 47 muscles to frown but just 4 muscles to stretch out your arm and punch the daylight out of them.
- Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
- Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
- If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
- 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
- What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
- I didn't trip. I was just doing a random gravity test.
- If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer!
- I've got a problem for your solution.
- Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
- Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead.
- I didn't fight my way to the top of a food chain to be a vegetarian.
- Microsoft bought Skype for 8.5 billion! What a bunch of idiots. I downloaded it for free.
- War does not determine who is right... only who is left.
- Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- Diamonds are a girl's best friend because they're sharper than knives.
- Relax. Nothing is okay.
- Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.
- Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics.
- You have the right to remain silent. I have the right to ignore whatever you say. Either way, it works in my favor.
- We're not retreating, we're just advancing in a different direction.
- I was going to take over the world, but then I saw a shiny thing.
- The Tooth Fairy teaches kids that it's okay to sell body parts.
- Be insane, because well behaved girls never made history.
- A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere.
- You're a special kind of stupid, aren't you?
- The doctor says that we have multiple personalities.
- I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours.
- The early bird gets the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.
- They never suspect the short one.
- Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over.
- Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- Anyone else having trouble getting to Narnia?
- I've used up all of my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
- Stereotyping? How do you type with a stereo?
- People know don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was.
- Hey stupid! Your sock is untied!
- Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
- I'm not as random as you think I salad.
- On a scale of 1 to crazy I'm a penguin.
- I see no good reason to act my age.
- Hey you! Yeah you! No, not you, the other guy! You right there! Yes, you! Do you like tacos?
- I tried being normal, but I didn't like it.
- Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.
- Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is.
- Flying is not inherently dangerous –– crashing is.
- I have not lost my mind; it is backed up on a disk somewhere.
- Forecast for tonight: darkness.
- Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
- I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes.
- If you had a life you would stop talking about mine.
- Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Take him into a round room and tell him to sit in a corner.
- In a world of Cheerios, be a Froot Loop!
- Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.
- You, you, and you –– panic. The rest of you follow me.
- If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense.
- I have a dream and in it, something eats you.
- Everyone is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful.
- Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a Barbie doll.
- If aliens are looking for intelligent life, don't be scared. You have no reason to be.
- If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.
- Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world, but shhhh... it's a secret!
- Quick, what's the number for 9-1-1?
- I ran into my ex today. Then I put it in reverse and hit him again.
- Hi! I'm human. What're you?
- Patience is what parents have when they also have witnesses.
- We are the people our parents warned us about!
- I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a... aw, who am I kidding?
- I'm smiling because I'm your sister. I'm laughing because there's nothing you can do about it!
- Earth is full. Go home.
- I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
- An overly positive attitude may not be enough to solve a problem, but it sure ticks people off enough for it to be worth it!
- I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
- Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody's looking.
- The cops never find it as funny as you do.
- Reality is for people who lack imagination.
- Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
- People say I've lost my sanity, but I can't lose what I never had.
- The voices in my head may not be real, but they still have pretty good ideas...
- You're just jealous 'cause the voices talk to me not you.
- Nine out of the ten voices in my head agree that I'm insane. The tenth is off chasing cars.
- The voices in my head don’t like you.
- I used to have a life. That was before I learned how to write.
- If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
- Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
- Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge.
- WARNING: Jumping into toxic waste does not give you super powers.
- Bad spellers of the world UNTIE!
- When nothing goes right... go left.
- It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up.
- OOOH... DRAMA! Let's get popcorn!
- Do it today! It might be illegal tomorrow!
- You! Off my planet!
- The first sign of madness is talking to yourself. The second is when the voices in your head answer back.
- Allow me to introduce my selves.
- There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over.
- Not all men are annoying... some are dead.
- If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable.
- Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
- Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now.
- WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.
- If I throw a stick, will you go away?
- Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.
- It's you and me versus the world... we attack at dawn.
- A day without sunshine is like... night.
- I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster.
- I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.
- Real friends don't let you do stupid things –– alone.
- The butterflies are plotting SOMETHING...
- Best friends know how stupid you are and still choose to be with you in public.
- Don't try to out-weird me –– I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.
- You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
- You say "crazy" like it's a bad thing.
- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
- Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!
- Stressed is desserts backwards.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- I am free of all prejudices... I hate all people equally!
- I am in shape... round is a shape.
- I don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in my pool.
- I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
- Oooooh... a life. Where can I download one?
- The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
- People say that money can't buy happiness. However, I just purchased marshmallows. Isn't that the same thing?
- If it ain't broken... fix it 'til it is.
- I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?
- A rejected invention: Instant water! Just add water!
- I've got things to break, people to laugh at, objects to drool over and who knows what else.
- The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't by accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.
- EMO –– Extravagantly Made Origami
- Everything is edible. Everything. Even I am edible, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.
- Taste the rainbow –– eat crayons!
- What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Hold my purse."
- Do not lead me into temptation. I can find it myself.
- The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life.
- Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. By the Hulk. On an adrenaline rush.
- If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
- Death by chocolate –– oh, what a way to go.
- My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
- I'd take a bullet for you. Not in the head, like in the leg or something.
- Worst. Idea. Ever. *pause* Let's do it.
- People who investigate noises in horror movies deserve to die.
- I've probably learned more from Google than I have from school.
- Your eyebrows are as beautiful as an enormous caterpillar.
- My friend's the kind of person who breaks the silence at a funeral by yelling, "KUNG POW CHICKEN!"
- When there's a will, I want to be in it.
- Don't try to hold your hand over my mouth to make me shut up. I'll lick you.
- The greatest pleasure in life is doing something people tell you not to.
- Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself!
- So stick that in your juice box and SUCK IT!
- Say no to drugs.
- Say yes to tacos.
- Whatever it was –– I didn't do it!
- I swear Mario is a hobo. He wakes up every day in the same clothes, runs around in sewers collecting coins, and to buy what? MUSHROOMS!
- Ever noticed that "studying" is "student" and "dying" put together?
- Dear Guy-Sitting-Next-To-Me: Yeah, I see you copying me. But joke's on you. I didn't study either.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- Wanna hear a joke? Miley Cyrus.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- I don't get it...boys think girls are so complicated. Haven't they met themselves?
- If you're reading this then you're not dead. Good for you.
- I ROCK! Guitar hero told me so.
- There's nothing wrong with talking to random objects. It's when they start to talk back that you need to worry.
- Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- DEATH: the number 1 killer in the U.S... tell your friends.
- Three hundred sixty-four days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers. Yet on Halloween, it's encouraged! Why is that?
- Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!
- If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
- They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.
- What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man?
- What do I do when I see someone EXTREMELY GORGEOUS? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired I put the mirror down!
- Facebook is like jail. You sit around and waste time, you write on walls, and you get poked by people you don't know!
- I wish I had Dora's parents… They let that girl go everywhere!
- I am proud of myself. I finished the puzzle in just 6 months while the box said 2 to 4 years.
- Girls spend the first ten years of their lives playing with Barbies, and the next ten years trying to look like one.
- I decided to burn lots of calories today, so I set a fat kid on fire.
- I want to merge My Space, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
- Just because I'm cute doesn't mean I'm harmless.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute... screw the fruit!
- The surest sign of intelligent life out there is that none of them have tried to contact us.
- Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.
- PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bad girl.
- When you find a real man...
- Ask him if he has a SINGLE brother!
- He broke my heart...So I broke his JAW!
- Girls don't make mistakes, we date them.
- A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
- You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
- Who was the first person who looked at a cow and say "I think I will squeeze those dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
- I'm such a genious. (Only good spellers will get the joke)
- Do people in England try to sound like Americans, like we try and have British accents?
- Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
- STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand
- Engineering: "How will this work?"
- Science: "Why will this work?"
- Management: "When will this work?"
- Liberal Arts: "Do you want fries with that?"
- You should never let anything stop you. Except safety rails. They're there for a reason.
- Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
- Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.
- Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
- We're so cool ice cubes are jealous.
- Ever wonder why bologna and lasagna don't rhyme?
- Laughing until your stomach hurts is what friends are for.
- By the time you finished reading this you'll realize you just wasted 5 seconds of your life
- I burst laughing out in class today... I got that joke you told yesterday!
- There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled.
- People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
- You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Yeah, well I'm all that and a bag of M&Ms. Taste my rainbow!
- The absolute greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you can't.
- Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides know they're playing.
- Does being fluent in sarcasm count as a second language?
- Obsession? What do you mean, I have an obsession? (hides book behind back)
- You're just jealous because I'm the only one the voices talk to.
- There is no 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in PIE, and so there is an 'I' in MEATPIE and since MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
- Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.
- I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
- Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn't they already know it?
- If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
- A computer without Internet is like a person without a soul.
- When something has a sign that says "Do not touch" it is actually a test of how daring you are. Touch it.
- Tape microwave popcorn to the ceiling; it's cheaper than a smoke alarm.
- You are more likely to die on your way to buy a lottery ticket than to win the lottery.
- Punching someone in the face is a very efficient way to see how forgiving they are.
- Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Why doesn't glue stick to its bottle? Why do you still call it a building when it's already built? If you aren’t suppose to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? Funny world.
- Very few personal problems can't be solves through suitable applications of high explosives.
- I do too have an hourglass figure; the sands just keep shifting.
- I didn't lose my marbles. I gave them to a kid with a marble run.
- I love Mondays! Hey, the medication's working!
- I let my mind wander, and it never came back.
- Don't let your mind wander. It's too small to be let out on its own.
- I just need a toxic substance... L.A. tap water will do just fine.
- I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.
- The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and don't let it find me.
- It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?
- I said I had my reasons. I never said you would understand.
- Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
- Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
- When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.
- Sarcasm is one more service we offer.
- Don't worry, our staff is used to stupid questions.
- Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
- Diplomacy is the art of saying "Good doggie" while groping for a bigger stick.
- What's the point of having a giant paper clip if you won't use it for world domination?
- Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!
- Note to self: do not use axe to kill a fly on a person's head.
- Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
- 10% sugar, 10% spice, 80% demon child so you better be nice.
- I let some blind guy borrow money the other day. Yeah, he said he was gonna pay me back the next time he saw me...wait.
- Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese. There are five people in my family so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or dad. Or my older brother Will. Or my younger brother Ho-chan-chu. But I think it's Will.
- Be optimistic. All the people you hate are going to eventually die.
- I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
- I love how in scary movies the person says, “Hello?” as if the murderer’s gonna be like, “Yeah, I’m in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?”
- I keep some people's phone numbers in my contacts just so I know not to answer when they call.
- If you were on fire and I had some water, I'd drink it.
- A clean house is a sign of a broken computer.
- Note to self: It is illegal to stab someone for being stupid. No matter how much they deserve it.
- This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.
- You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it.
- If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
- Have you ever watched a Disney movie or something now that you're grown up and realized you had no idea what was going on when you first saw it?
- My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said, “At the end of this ruler is an idiot.” I got detention for asking which end.
- Anatidaephobia — fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.
- There is nothing worse than that moment in which you are sure you're going to die after leaning back in a chair a little too far.
- I think that part of a best friend's job after you die is to immediately clear your computer history.
- Help! I've fallen and I can't reach my Life Alert!
- Keyboard not found... Press any key to continue.
- Ah, the internet: where men are men, women are also men, and thirteen-year-old girls are FBI agents.
- If Google can't find the answer, it's not a question.
- Sometimes, Google should come back with a message that says, "Trust me, you don't want to know."
- When butterflies fall in love do they feel humans in their stomachs?
- There’s a fine line between genius and stupidity. I like to play jump rope with that line.
- When I have kids someday, I’ll tell them to watch the movie 2012 and say, “I survived that.”
- If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
- A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
- The internet is like Egypt; we write on walls, convey messages with pictures that no one understands, and worship cats.
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
- Scary thought: A ghost could be humping you right now and you'd never know.
- I hate it when you miss a call by like two seconds, but when you call back immediately after, no one answers. What did they do, leave a message, drop the phone, and sprint as far away as possible?
- Always say no to drugs, because if your drugs are talking to you, it's time to quit.
- A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
- Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
- He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
- I look around and all I see is stupid! On a completely unrelated topic, I like to look at mirrors.
- Can we be antisocial butterflies?
- Music is like candy; you throw away the rappers.
- “Did you just fall?” “No, I attacked the floor." "Backwards?” "I’m skilled.”
- "Wait! Violence is not the answer!" "You're right; it's the question! And the answer is YES!"
- "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," the sarcastic teacher said. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher.
- "Well, actually, I don't," said the student, "I just hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
- "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will decend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, then pick your favorite.''
- Your friend calls you at 3 in the morning. "Are you asleep?" "No, I'm skydiving."
- Would you like a cookie? So would I.
- I Googled you today and I'm disturbed with what I found.
- If you are reading this then step 1 of my evil plan is complete.
- I have no patience for impatient people.
- Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman.
- You're a great friend. But if the zombies are after us, I'm tripping you.
- DO NOT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE.
- You little rebel. I like you.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
- Misuse of "literally" makes me figuratively insane.
- Spelling is dificoult.
- Spelling is chalanging.
- Spelling is hard.
- If you can't be a good example, be a warning.
- What floats in water?
- a) bread.
- b) apples.
- c) small rocks.
- d) duck.
- Sorry. I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
- Kiss me. I'm pretending to be Irish.
- Fear of spiders: arachnophobia.
- Fear of small spaces: claustrophobia.
- Fear of clowns: normal.
- Real men don't sparkle. Real men defeat dark wizards.
- Most Intelligent Person In The World [citation needed]
- Legen-
- (wait for it)
- dary!
- Everything in moderation. Except chocolate.
- I am disappointment in you're grammar.
- Everything is easier said than done. Except for talking. That's about the same.
- Alliteration is alarmingly addictive.
- "B" is for BACON and that's good enough for ME!
- What girls don't know: when a boy acts like he hates them, he actually likes them.
- What boys don't know: when a girl acts like she hates them, she actually hates them.
- I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I swear, I was just aiming for your face.
- I'm not deaf. I'm just ignoring you.
- Never say to a police officer: "I swear to drunk I'm not God!"
- I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
- Caution! I drive as bad as you do...
- If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
- I do whatever the voices tell me to do. It just depends on who yells the loudest.
- I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick. What about you?
- My day is not complete until I have terrified a complete stranger.
- Never get into an argument with a schizophrenic and say, "Who do you think you are?"
- Stress: a condition brought on by overriding the body's desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.
- This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and ruthless violence.
- See, when Miley Cyrus licks a sledgehammer while naked, it's "art" and "music". But when I lick a sledgehammer, I'm "wasted" and have to leave Home Depot.
- We'll be friends forever...because you know too much.
- My room is not messy. It is an obstacle course meant to keep me fit.
- 10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden...in his house.
- Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.
- Don't worry about the people in your past. There’s a reason they didn't make it to your future.
- Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
- I can resist everything except temptation.
- I have CDO. It's like OCD but all of the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.
- If aliens are looking for intelligent life, then why are you scared?
- If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- If explosives didn't solve your problems, you obviously weren't using enough of them.
- If Fed ex and UPS merge, they would be called Fed UP.
- If history repeats itself, I'm so getting a dinosaur.
- If I promise not to kill you... can I have a hug?
- If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
- If you're color blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on skittles, give me red... LEMON DARNIT!"
- Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?"
- It's sad your own mom dresses you like that.
- I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have.
- I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly, if it's worth it.
- Jogging is a slow sprinting, Coach!
- Just remember – if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
- Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.
- Paper may beat rock, but only until the catapults roll in!
- Remember: Eat your school, stay in drugs and don't do vegetables . . . Wait . . .
- Right now, I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
- Sanity is a state of mind. It's near Colorado. :D
- Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of it.
- Set sail in a general that way direction.
- The pen may be mightier, but the sword still hurts.
- The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
- The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
- The rules only apply if you get caught.
- The three of you panic. The rest follow me.
- Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.
- When I die, friends will go to my funeral, good friends will cry at my funeral, but my best friend will change my facebook status to "Chillin' with Jesus".
- When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
- When they laugh, we'll laugh along too. Because we know better. We know.
- A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.
- I'm not as dumb as you look.
- They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
- It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely.
- It takes a big man to cry...but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
- Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows.
- No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning.
- I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself.
- Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them.
- Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys.
- When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later.
- When all else fails, use duct tape.
- I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
- Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again
- My Reality Check bounced.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- "What's behind this door?" -opens it- "...another door. Hilarious."
- "There are 1000 ways I could kill you, and 941 of them hurt." "So what do the other 59 of them do? Tickle?"
- "They locked you in?" "No, I locked THEM out! Why must you always see these things backwards?"
- I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
- Out of my mind, please leave a message.
- Define normal.
- Do you think I'm weird? Don't answer that.
- What if weird meant normal and normal meant weird?
- Worry when I say I don’t need chocolate.
- You say you don’t trust me with sharp objects, I ask why not.
- You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same.
- My mom finds it tiring to worry about me.
- Don’t expect anything from me until I’ve had my daily dose of chocolate.
- How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- There's no future in time travel.
- Smith & Wesson -- the original point and click interface.
- Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
- Oh Lord give me patience, and give it to me NOW!
- A good pun is its own reward.
- If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
- Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor
- The road to success is always under construction.
- Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
- What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
- Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
- Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
- Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
- How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he’s lost?
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
- Boys should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.
- Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
- Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
- When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
- Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
- Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
- Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
- There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
- Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
- You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
- I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
- Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
- It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
- Gene Police: You!! Out of the pool!
- Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
- It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
- A friend of mine stopped smoking, drinking, overeating, and chasing women — all at the same time. It was a lovely funeral.
- Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.
- Madness does not always howl. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "Hey, is there room in your head for one more?"
- Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed often and for the same reason.
- Nothing says "you're a loser" more than owning a motivational poster about being a winner.
- The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious.
- Less is more. Unless you're standing next to the one with more. Then less just looks pathetic.
Copy and paste this onto your profile if this made you laugh or if you are like this sometimes. *cough cough crazy cough cough* (I am proud of being crazy :P)
Phil the Panda 7
