for all we know, the universe could be expanding into a jelly doughnut

Wouldn't it be better to be alone than have friends?

Why must people team up to survive zombies? You'll have a much better chance by yourself.

Some problems can't be solved with TNT

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Someday your true love will find you. Mine fell down a volcano.

The more I learn, the less I understand.

"Before you criticize someone always walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you do criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes"

"My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone."

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

I'm going to live life or die trying

Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license."

Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to make your face frown, BUT,

it only takes 4 to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother @#?&! upside the head... Pass it on."

"Love your enemies! It really pisses them off"

I hate it when the voices argue with my imaginary friends

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it's weird

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

"When all else fails blow shit up."

I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care

Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!

I could never find another man like you...Hell, half the time I can't even find where I parked the car.

That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast.

If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

Buckle up!! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car.

Slinky Escalator = Everlasting fun.

Stupid weatherman...Sunny and clear my ass.

Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.

You're a great friend but if the zombies chase us I'm tripping you

"An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough."

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific

As I lay in my bed one night, and stare at the stars; I wonder...Where the heck is my ceiling?!

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good.

How can I think outside of the box, if they won't let me out of it?

Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

Yes, I am insane, but every now and then I have these horrible periods of boredom where I have to be normal like you.

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I?

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

I once gave up anime; it was the most terrifying weekend of my life.

My day isn't complete until I have freaked out a complete stranger.

I don't know what my problem is, but I do know its hard to pronounce.

Knowledge is power and power corrupts. Study hard; be evil.

You are NOT a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are made of the same decaying organic matter as everyone else.

That's when I started breaking into people's houses. I didn't steal anything, but I did rearrange their furniture.

You laugh because I'm a little different; I laugh because I rigged your house with explosives.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every last minute of it!!

Kids like us should wear WARNINGS.

I Googled you today and I'm disturbed with what I found.

There's two kinds of people in the world, those who have a plan prepared for when the zombies take over the earth, and those who don't... We call those last people, dinner.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.

You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

I'm a blue raspberry addict. Deal with it.

How to Tell if You're a Writer

-If you talk to yourself.

-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. ‘I wonder why I talk to myself so much?’)

-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. ‘Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’)

-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, ‘Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!’

-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.

-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.

-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

-If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.

-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.

-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.

-If people think you might have A.D.D.

-If you think it’d be cool to have A.D.D.

-If you start constantly talking in third person, present/past tense.

-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no ‘apparent’ reason.

-If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.

You May Be A Writer If:

Every time you hear a song, you think of a new story or one you've already written.

You have the last chapters of a story done before even thinking of the characters names.

You often imagine your books becoming movies.

Spell check is your best friend.

You give even the smallest of characters a huge background.

You hesitate before killing of one of your favorite characters.

You smile really big when you are going to finally write a character love scene.

Every time you read something, you make your own story of the same thing.

You'll spend an hour trying to find one word cause you won't dare use a synonym.

Not being able to write is like not being able to pee to you... you just can't hold it in for so long.

You write so fast, you leave out words in a sentence.

You have to tell at least one person your whole story before it's even written.

Things that are written badly annoy you and make you want to re-write it better.

You laugh at jokes you wrote yourself.

You can spell words like 'troublesome' but can't spell 'the' half the time.

If you are not writing or typing, your fingers are moving constantly.

You talk to yourself...constantly.

When you have to write some sort of story in class, you get carried away.

You would rather die than use words like 'good' or 'nice' and etc.

You put off the last chapter of a story simply because you don't want it to end.

You start to cry when writing about a death or other depressing event you knew was coming, and you are the one writing it.

When on a roll, you will ignore hunger, sleepiness, or the urge to pee until you run out of ideas.

If a story, movie, show, etc. finishes without closure, you have a powerful need to write a suitable ending.

You like to fidget, tap, or chew on the tip of something when you are trying to come up with a new sentence, paragraph, chapter, or story.

You are in love with the Thesaurus.

You dream about your stories.

You dream of new stories.

You often revisit some of your old stories.

Someone can call your name twenty times without you hearing if you're writing.

You would rather talk to the voices in your head than the person sitting next to you.

You would rather write than go out.

Your/you're and their/there/they're are errors that send you into an apoplectic fit.

You get cranky if you don't get to write.

You've heard/seen something, and thought, I need to write that down.

You wake up in the middle of the night and scrabble for a pen and paper you keep next to your bed to write down a scene to make the voices be quiet so you can get some sleep.

Getting the scene finished is more important than coffee, the bathroom, or food.

A blank wall becomes the screen where the scene you're writing takes place right in front of your eyes.

You can't write because you're mad at one of your characters.

You argue with said character.

You start to laugh out loud in public at what something your character might say.

Even though you try your hardest to resist, you often correct your own grammar on IM.

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself too much.

Your family/friends have come to the ignore the habit of your talking to yourself.

You've apologized out loud to a character after doing something horrible to them.

I JUST WANT TO SAY HOW MUCH TEAM IRON MAN I AM RIGHT NOW. CAPTAIN AMERICA IS THE MOST GIGANTIC DOUCHE THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. HE RAN OFF WITH THE FRICKING TEAM AND LEFT TONY TO DEAL WITH THE GOVERNMENT AND PRESS AND IT'S HIS FAULT THAT RHODEY LOST HIS USE OF LEGS. HE MADE TONY SEEM LIKE THE ENEMY WHEN ALL TONY WAS TRYING TO DO WAS KEEP THE TEAM TOGETHER, AND STEVE GOES AND DESTROYS ALL OF IT. AND YET TONY GETS ALL OF THE BLAME. FUCK YOU STEVE. FUCK. YOU.

Also, the relationship between Harley Keener and Tony is the most adorable I've ever seen.

Thank you for listening to my rant.

"I'm not crazy, Pepper. I just finally know what I have to do. And I know in my heart that it's right." -Tony Stark.