Who are Batman & Pigeon? Emmett is Captain Doofus? What are the Cullen's irrational fears and why oh why does Jasper have a spoon in his pocket? (Kind of weird, read the summary in the a/n inside, it gets back to BxE normal note passing after a few chapters, promise.)

New chapter is up! This story is from Ian's point of view where parts are left out of the story. From Wanda's extraction to her reinsertion into Pet, Ian is full of thoughts, feelings, and doubts about Wanda and their future life together.

Previously named First Impressions-Twilight fan Lily thinks it's all a story, but is it? She learns more than what she expects when she moves close to Forks. What if she gets imprinted on by Jacob and Renesmee's son? What kind of trouble will arise?

Based on the indifferent child of earth's one-shot/list. The story behind the list. Think you know everything about Emmett? Think again. Any brain combustion, confusion, or gut busting can't be held against us. Read at your own risk. Enjoy! No.4-5 up now.

All the girls in East Coast Academy wanted one thing- the king, the playboy of the school,EDWARD CULLEN. What happens when the beautiful Isabella arrives and Edward is determined to make her his? Will she fall for the playboy? All HUMAN.

A bit of light humor. Twilight and New Moon have magicked themselves into the halls of Hogwarts, putting some wellknown characters under their spell.

Complete. A wish sends Bella back in time to Chicago, 1918, and to a human Edward. This story is baby-free.

Edward and Bella continue the journey after a steamy night in Bella's truck. LEMONY FRESH! M/F, Edward/Bella, Adult Content

Twilight/Harry Potter story! Edward and Bella are on a second honey moon a few years after she is changed. They run into some unsuspecting wizards and discover Hogwarts! Can Edward and Bella help defeat Voldemort? R&R! Please!

Characters from Twilight passing notes and such. It's back up! Everyone cheer! Huzzah! Rated T cos I curse like a sailor.

In one quick and thoughtless act, Bella Swan sends a letter in a bottle across the ocean. It reaches England, where Edward Cullen finds it, and begins their correspondance, one that leads to more than either of them could expect. AH

Losing her daughter in a crowd, Bella finds her in the arms of Prince Edward. Now, the three of them have to face the paparazzi, the world, and their true feelings for each other. All human, canon pairings, set in present day. ON HIATUS.

Oh hey, Bella. Yeah I've only had a crush on you for about forever. That's why I joined that website and convinced you to be my friend, basically, so that I'd stand a chance in real life. AH AU B/E

All human. Edward and Bella meet each other at a bar. They get drunk and hit it off. Edward admits that he won’t have sex till marriage. Bella, on a whim, asks Edward to marry her – he agrees. What a shame that Edward doesn't believe in divorce…

Edward thought of Bella as just a friend, but Bella always felt more.That was 3 years ago and now she's ready to make Edward Cullen fall in love with her and make this the best summer of her life. All Human OOC Lemons Gall-lore! WARNING: NC-17

A collab between Kitschisme and Rosette-cullen Isabella Swan has lived as a servant her entire life. She has come to expect cruelty from her masters, but will her luck change when she is purchased by the mysterious, brooding millionaire Edward Cullen?

Hilarity ensues when Edward comes back at the end of New Moon and he and Alice get Mrs. Cope to change their schedules to put them in Bella's gym class. How can they appear human when their superhuman athletic aptitudes keep getting in the way?

During the summer between Twilight and New Moon Bella and Edward share many days and nights together. In these up coming chapters we explore the possible scenarios that might take place if Edward were to plan all the dates. Rated T for safety.

Funny fanfic telling what you SHOULDN'T do in Twilight fanfiction... Includes JacobXBella, EmmettXBella, and my personal fave: BananasXBella! New chapters include The Movie, Yum Lemons, and 2008. Curing Twilight fanfiction, one parody at a time.

Edward decides it's time to give Nessie "The Talk". Hilarity ensues. Now extended to other characters!

When ten-year old Renesmee arrives homes from school one day, she reveals to Edward that she has a crush on her best friend Jacob, eliciting memories of him and Bella in grade school. Kid!fic. Pure fluff. AU AH, Edward/Bella

Simon thinks about Kaylee. Simon/Kaylee

Edward and Bella are caught passing notes in class. The teacher has the note read to the class. A series of embarassing events ensues, including Edward in a trunk, Bella in a gas mask, Carlisle as Tarazn, and Emmett with blue hair.

The seasonal obligation of finding a tree turns into much more. One-shot, ExB smut, smut, smutty holiday gift for dvorndran

When Edward is with Alice one day while Bella is at the Cullen's, Bella decides to check out Edward's laptop, and finds a very interesting website...

While Bella is at the Cullen's house to help decorate for the Christmas season, she gets an unusual text message from Emmett by mistake leaving both Edward & Rosalie pissed, Alice & Jasper in hysterics, and Bella mortified. Could it get any worse? BxE, AU

It's Christmas time, Renesmee's first Christmas. And for her first Christmas, the Cullens decide to take her to visit Santa Claus! Nessie is excited and she knows EXACTLY what she is going to wish for. What exactly? You'll have to read to find out!

Five vampires and one human play a movie quote game, first one to laugh loses. M for language.

Let the Cullens pass notes! I find it hilarious. Maybe you shall, too. ;D

Written for the Official Twilight SmutVent Calendar. One-Shot. Bella only wants one thing for Christmas; she just has to convince Edward to give it to her.

Bella and Emmett are siblings. They are now orphans and have to move in with Carlisle and Esme, they have four children. What will happen when Edward meets Bella? All human. AU. OOC. Disclaimer: I OWN NUTHIN!

Part of "Additional Breaking Dawn Moment" collection: Edward is out with Renesmee, who spots a old playground in the distance and starts to daydream about playing on it. This leads to Edward wanting to bring those daydreams to life...

Part of "Additional Breaking Dawn Moment" collection: Edward and Bella find Renesmee listening to Bella's mixed CD from Bella's 18th birthday which leads to Edward dancing with Renesmee...with her on his toes. It's a SHORT ONE SHOT!

PDA Public Display of Affection in school is fun! :D BXE One-shot Takes place at the end of Twilight. :D

Post Twilight. Edward and Bella watch a horror movie together. Fluffy! One-shot. BXE Happy Halloween!

During Biology, Edward gets a peek into someone's fantasy staring none other than himself & the one person he finds himself growing increasingly attracted to: Bella. When Bella suddenly begins to feel ill, he offers her a ride home... BxE, AU

Edward saves Bella from her 50th birthday celebrations, and then he gives her what she really wants. One-shot.

Short fluff. Edward tries to convince Bella that marriage at eighteen isn't so bad. One-shot, Pre-Breaking Dawn.

Bella shares her first intimate experience with Edward. When she tries to reciprocate, everything falls apart at the seams. Will Edward explain what went wrong? Can they get back to where they were? An entry to the DTE contest. BxE, AH

For Jayeliwood's sexy Edward contest. Bella's last few months as a human mean everything to Edward. Her health is his top priority, so it would only make sense that he took it into his own hands. ExB Sexy doctor smut.

Edward whisks Bella off to Manka's Inverness Lodge for a romantic weekend. She’s insecure, he has doubts and they finally deal with all their issues honestly, including Jacob. Winner of the Danger Magnet Award at the Denali Coven and four TwilightAwards.

ONE-SHOT LEMON FOR JAYELIWOOD'S SEXY EDWARD CONTEST. ALL-HUMAN! Military Edward finally comes home to his love sick wife. Read and Review!

Edward is a firefighter that is spending the night with his wife when he gets paged to put out a fire. BXE All human. For Jayeliwood’s Sexy Edward Contest. One-shot. Lemon. Voting has started!

Part 1 of 3 of Vampire Bella Trilogy. Begins after Eclipse and follows Edward and Bella as they make it through their wedding and Bella's change. Rated M for adult material.

Part 2 of 3 of Vampire Bella Trilogy. This story is the sequel to The Fairytale Continues. It follows Bella in her first year as a vampire. Rated M for adult material.

This story starts off after Edward rebuffs Bella's modest advances in their newly acquired bed in Edward's room. But things take a turn for the better for these two lovesick kids when Alice takes things into her own hands. Never bet against Alice!

Edward is looking for his Coffin of Love, Bella is there because she lost a bet. BXE Complete

I gazed into his eyes. "You want to create memories, Jacob?" It took him ten seconds to answer. "Yes." JabobxNessie one-shot. R&R

Written for Twilighted's Breaking Dawn's Missing Moments Challenge. BREAKING DAWN SPOILERS.

Edward and Bella have been friends since they were toddlers. When they grow older, will their friendship become something more? Stories from when they were little, through teen and adult years. Modern day. T for later chapters.

SPOILERS FOR BREAKING DAWN. A missing moment from the book, some fatherly bonding time. Fluffy one-shot.

A more grown up Breaking Dawn. Bella and Edward become closer as the wedding nears. When she's finally changed she gains a power that helps her feed. Mixing themes from the Hamilton Vampire series. Not a crossover, AU. Very Mature, be warned!

It is Post Breaking Dawn, and Bella is changed, and married to Edward. Charlie finds out that Bella is a vampire, but no one believes him. They take him to the hospital and put him under the care of the skilled Dr. Dover! Fun ensues :

One-shot. Ian's thoughts on touching Wanda. Nothing dirty, minds out of the gutter, please.

Edward decides to take Bella on a ride she'll never forget. M/F, Edward/Bella, LEMONTASTIC!

Edward wants to make sure Bella doesn't miss out on any of life's important moments. Bella's only got the one request. The Cullen clan take it upon themselves to make sure Bella doesn't miss a thing. Pure fluff.

Simple fluff. Edward and Bella experience the fragileness of a certain creature.

Edward and Bella's wedding night...Can't tell you anything else 'cause that would ruin the story o.O

Edward has a most unlikely fantasy fulfilled after Bella gets dirt inside the Volvo after a well-planned hike. Rated M cause I'm paranoid.

Melanie and Wanda have...special needs. How in the world can they explain it to the boys?

Wanda can get anything they need during raids. Well...Mel needs some condoms. WandIan, implied MelJared.

A funny no longer one-shot I came up with sitting in a hospital waiting room. Those crazy Cullen's are at it again! VAMPIRES! It's being continued thanks to bribes from My-Bella and E. C. Cullen. The new stuff is what happens when Edward gets home!

Bella is forced to leave behind Forks and Jacob when Renee needs her. But she finds herself neighbors with the Cullen's and the Hale's. What happens when Bella finds the only person she can open up to in her beautiful neighbor? All human. T just in case.

Bella is known for her vivid dreams. What happens after she is changed and no longer has sleep as an escape for her 'freaky' brain? Will her mind find another way to cope? This story tells of how Bella changes- once she's changed. Continuing my ExB fics

Edward and Bella have a picnic in the summer sun. A cute and short one-shot. BXE RATED K NOT M! Sorry for the confusion!

The Host" by Stephenie Meyer. Wanderer misses Ian while he's gone on a raid. When he returns, she welcomes him warmly and he revels in his new ability to make her react to him physically. Fluff. One-shot.

The Host fic. "'Ours' meant sharing the rest of my life with this man." WandIan. Fluffy.

The Host fic. Ian loves to see Wanda blush. Just a one-shot, full of much needed fluff for all WandIan lovers! Beware of sugar overload.

Jared surprises Melanie with one of her favorite things.

AU version of the end of Eclipse – when Edward and Bella go to their meadow, Bella decides to take Edward up on his offer.

Edward proves his love to Bella by showing her thirteen reasons why he loves her. Takes place after Eclipse. Major Fluff. NOW COMPLETE!

My name is Bella Swan, and I'm pregnant. My fiancé is overprotective, and won't even let me walk up the stairs alone. So what could possibly go wrong? Mood swings, cravings and name games, to name a few. — WINNER of 4 Twilight Awards! WRITTEN BEFORE BD!

For daddys little cannibal's contest. Emmett, Edward and Bella all play a simple game of truth or dare. Not very cliche, rated for some innuendos, but nothing too bad.

A Midnight Sun-like one-shot. Edward hears Bella say 'I love you' for the first time. In his words.

Bella and Edward face what may be their greatest challenge: Marriage. One threat still stands between the couple and their fairy tale ending. Bella is the key to protecting the Cullens; but can she find enough control in time to save them?

Carlisle has had it with the children's constant bickering so he sends the Cullen's to family therapy. Suicidal Edward,Bella's fear of committment, Alice addicted to shopping, Rosalie's hostility, Emmett and Japer's gambling..who will survive? FUNNY

In the middle of summer, Bella demands of Edward "WHY WONT YOU SLEEP WITH ME!". and Emmett walks in on the two when Bella is too hot for comfort!

Bella becomes sick, and with her superb luck, it's on what's suppose to be the most important day of a girl's life. Edward comes to the rescue and they once again, discover romance in an odd situation. Written for MUSICALLY INCLINED's challenge. One-Shot.

Completely and utterly pointless fluff. Edward tells Bella about the many colors he loves to see her wear. Short one-shot.

Rated "M" for suggestive & naughty language. Find out what it's like to be a sofa in the Twilight Universe. This is a Cookie League production. If you enjoy, please check out our other stories.

Edward's thoughts at the alter on his wedding day. One-Shot.

Rated "M" for suggestive & naughty language. 'Sexy Cars' takes on a whole new meaning in this one shot about the Cullen family autos. This is a Cookie League production. If you enjoy, please check out our other stories.

More than you ever wanted to know about the Cullens' bathrooms. Rated "M" for suggestive & naughty language. This is a Cookie League Production. If you enjoy, please check out our other stories.

A classic nursery rhyme with a vampire twist! And a surprising winner!

The songs of Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" humorously re-written to the plot of Twilight. Come join the fun and sing along! You know you want to...

FKA August Thirteenth. EPOV. B&E's wedding night, what is their newlywed life like? What challenges will they face as they begin their forever together? Will Edward finally see Bella as his equal... what will it take?

This is what My-Bella and myself think would happen if The beloved Cullen's had to go to a home improvement store. Oh for the love of a toilet! what will we do with our dear sweet Emmett.

This is a little conversation between Edward and Bella that takes place during the summer between Twilight and New Moon.

What if Bella HAD to be changed due to dire circumstances? A study in the form of an alternative ending to Eclipse. One-shot

Bella convinces Edward they should 'practice' their self control before they get married. What effect will this have on them and the other members of their family? Funny, Fluffy, and, eventually, a little lemony. Sequel to The Talk, but stands alone.

Bella needs it bad from Edward...

Edward's continuing worry about being with Bella before she's changed leaves him no choice but to have The Talk with Carlisle. Some things are too important to leave to chance.

Post New Moon. Bella finally decides that she will marry Edward. Now find out their true feelings about why they have done all the things that seemed to keep them from achieving their true desires. ExB , Graduation, Wedding, Transformation, Freedom

Edward's version of Chapter 20 from Eclipse. What were his true plans for that night? How did he really feel about Bella's reluctance over his marriage proposal? Just what was he feeling when she finally let him slip that ring onto her finger?

A short oneshot Christmas story, about Bella telling us about different Christmas memories with the Cullens. Everyone is human. Merry Christmas Everyone! R&R plez.

This one shot takes place at the end of Eclipse, after the meadow, before the wedding. Edward gets creative while trying to solve one of the complications of his being with Bella while she's human. In this case, his cold body temp. Hint Warm and Bubbly

The wedding is over. Edward and Bella prepare for the honeymoon and life after marriage. This is a happy, feel good version. Sorry, limited conflict.

I know that vampires can't get pregnant, but i decided that in my own little story they can. Bella and Edward and the rest of the Cullens have to figure out what to do. Besides, isn't making the impossible happen what writing's all about?D

Instead of getting bit in the hand in the ballet studio Bella was bit in the neck so now there is no turning back for Edward. How will E & B deal with her sudden and unplanned change? R&R!

What do the Cullens do when Emmett is bored? Play Trivial Pursuit of course!

I know there are alot of post eclipse stories out there but try it you might like it! I tried to stick very close to the story line so hopefully we can all experience a glimpse of what steph might have in store for us!

Bella is pregnant, and Edward is ecstatic, Charlie is mad, and What do the Cullen's say? an unexpected enemy shows up.... partial chapter 2 is up! xBxEx better than it sounds, scouts honor. OMG! It's a username change! Previously fly4ever.

Alice and Rosalie decide to take Bella to Vegas for a bachelorette party against her will. The boys feeling leftout, decide to get themselves into a little trouble too. 1st fanfict...rated T

Jacob doesn't even like geometry.

The graduating class at Forks High School takes a senior trip to San Francisco, California. Edward has plans for Bella on their free night. A ‘semitone’ is the smallest difference between two musical notes.

In the first chapter of Eclipse, Charlie seems to have put more thought into parenting. How did he get to that point? Charlie’s thoughts during the Epilogue of New Moon.

The result of too much daydreaming.... hehe.

How can Bella make Charlie understand why she welcomed Edward back?

Set in the summer after Twilight. Pointless, funny fluff.

How does Bella get unglued from Edward? Find out and prepare to laugh! Complete for now...maybe I'll come up with more hilarity.

“Spending eternity with a bad flashlight is not something to be taken lightly,” Alice said, her words riddled with cryptic vampirish meaning. “Forever is a long time to be stuck with a cheap LED light, especially when you’re awake at night a lot.”

Bella has some issues uploading to her favorite fanfiction site, and Edward offers her a solution, a back way in so that she can update. Full of fluff, but also informative for anyone who wants to update and can't because this site won't let them upload.

Kaylee sneaks away from the good doctor's room for a late night snack of strawberries but makes the mistake of waking the whole crew.

How exactly did Simon's shirt get unbuttoned during 'Jaynestown' and how WELL did things go? Fluffy oneshot.

Kaylee and Simon and playing a game of strip 'guess what surgical or mechanical instrument this is.' Fluffy oneshot.

Edward has decided Bella needs protection. What kind ofprotection? The kind you can buy at Walmart. In the pharmacy.

This was a Twilight Christmas story challenge. It had to include an awful lot in a oneshot: see the AN before the story. Merry Christmas!

Exactly how do the Cullens tease Edward before he goes to watch Bella sleep? Comes before Her Worst Nightmare.

Something besides Bella is making Edward warm...

Post New Moon Edward angst. Charlie arrives while Edward and Bella are watching a movie. Bella has fallen asleep in Edward's lap.

Charlie feels protective of Bella, and he’s not thrilled with Edward at the end of New Moon. He also remembers being a teenager. It’s time for Charlie to have a chat with Edward.

Bella is sick and Edward is worried.

Kaylee wants to do something Simon doesn't and Jayne catches them in a compromising situation. SimonKaylee

All Simon and Kaylee need are a little push to get their feelings into the open. SimonKaylee

Set after That Old Yeh Shen Story. Simon and Kaylee are having trouble finding privacy.

Set during Jaynestown. Simon is such an easy mark...

Set after Objects In Space. Simon and Kaylee are having trouble sleeping.