Deathly Hallows Mayhem

Scene 1: The Ministry of Magic

HARRY, RON, AND HERMIONE: UMBRIDGE!!!

HARRY: Give us that locket or I’ll darn you to heck!

UMBRIDGE: What the Flobberworm!!! Educational Decree number three hundred and fifty five thousand six hundred and seventy eight clearly stated that no ex-student shall contradict the ex High Inquisitor of Hogwarts School of W-

HERMIONE: Shut the Phoenix up!

RON: Wait…that doesn’t start with an F…

HARRY: SHUT UP, RON! MY LIFE SUCKS ENOUGH WITHOUT YOU BUTTING YOUR DREADFUL SPECKLED MUG IN!!!

HEMIONE: Anyway, give us that locket!

Scene 2: Xenophelius Lovegood

HERMIONE: Mr. Lovegood, that’s not a Crumple-Horned Snorcack!

RON: What is it then?

HERMIONE: It’s an Erumpent horn! I read about it in The Book of Highly Dangerous Objects and Other Various –

(Crumple Horned Snorcack Explodes)

XENOPHELIUS: Oh, Shhhh-

DUMBLEDORE: DUMBLEDORE!!! (from Potter Puppet Pals)

Scene 3: Bellatrix’s Vault

(Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Griphook the goblin are in Bellatrix’s vault)

GRIPHOOK: AVADA KEDAVRA!

(Harry, Ron, and Hermione die)

GRIPHOOK: (to Gryffindor sword)

You’re mine, now!

L is for the way you look at me…O is for –

(Harry, Ron, and Hermione wake up)

HRH: STUPEFY!

Ron: RUN!

(They run)

RON: (goes back)

L is for the way you-

(Harry and Hermione drag him away)

HERMIONE: It’s a Dragon! I knew we shouldn’t have come here! I read about Dragons in Gringotts in the book of-

Dragon: (roars)

Scene 4: Snape’s Death

VOLDEMORT: You have been very useful, Severus. Very, very Useful. Very, very, very useful, Snape-a-doodle. But the Elder Wand is MINE!

(Talks to Nagini in Parsletongue)

Kill

(Nagini kills Snape)

SNAPE: Harry, look at me with those bright, green eyes!

HARRY: But...wait…those are contacts…my eyes are hazel!!

SNAPE: What the firebolt?!?!!! UGH! Just take my memories and darn yourself to heck.

HARRY: I’m Harry Potter, Harry Harry Potter… (From Potter Puppet Pals)

SNAPE: Oh Firebolt!

(Dies)

Scene 5: The Prince’s Tale

SNAPE: Lily in the Sky with Diamonds…

LILY: (slaps Snape)

You called me Mudblood! Go darn yourself to heck!

VOLDEMORT: Voldemort, Voldemort, ooo Voldy Voldy Voldy Voldemort! Muahahahahaaa!!

HARRY: Where am I?

DUMBLEDORE: (meditating)

Om Shanti……………..

HARRY: DUMBLEDORE! I’m dead and you’re meditating!!!! Firebolt you!!!

DUMBLEDORE: No. You can go back and fight the crap out of ol’ Voldy!!! In the meantime, I’m going to find Grindelwald and talk to him…he dumped me AGAIN.

Well, Tootles!!!

VOLDEMORT: Let’s see how the Boy Who Lived matched his powers with Voldemort, the Almighty Lord who conquered-

HARRY: AVADA KEDAVRA!!!

VOLDEMORT: What the-

(Dies)

(Silence)

PEEVES: We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter’s the one,

And Voldy’s gone Moldy, so now let’s have fun!

HARRY: That was fun! I want to do it again! Do you still have that Time-Turner, Hermione?