I'm new so enjoy my stories. I'm writing one about Seth and his imprint. I'm a major fan of twilight. I just found out I'm team switzerland. But I lean more on Edward. Oh, and I'm team seth too. I've read the books 10x. Don't judge me. But enjoy leave reviews. I have an idea with imprints but I don't know who it should be. I'm deciding between Paul, Seth, and Brady.

Funny Phrases:

"It takes 42 muscles to frown,28 muscles to smile,but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone."

"Doctors say I have multiple personalties. We disagree with that."

"When life gives you lemons,make apple juice,then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you did."

"When life gives you lemons, chunck them at the people you hate."

"It doesnt matter whether the glass is half empty or half full,just drink it and get it over with."

"I'm not afraid of Death.What's he gonna do,kill me?"

My FAVORITE characters:

1. Seth

2. Edward

3. Jacob

4. Emmet

5. Quil

6. Paul

7. Embry

8. Alice

9. Bella

15 Things to do when your in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. ( I love this one! )

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!

15. Grab alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"

10. Nessie



I'm the girl who isn't dancing, just jumping up and down screaming the lyrics.

I'm the girl that if you call my friend a brat I WILL say something.

I'm the girl that will slap you if you push me.

I'm the girl that speaks my mind, whether you like it or not.

I'm the girl that walks like I am proud even if I have toilet paper stuck on my shoes.

I'm the girl that you don't wanna be on her bad side.

I'm the girl that doesn't take crap from anyone.

BUT I'm also the girl that carries a book in her purse.

I'm the girl that wears sweat pants to the dance.

I'm the girl that no one knows her name, for good or bad and I like it that way.

I'm the girl who acts shy one second and the next I will be laughing like an idoit.

I'm the girl that people call "Bitch" and "Freak" "Mean" and "Weird" but I take that as a compliment.

I'm the girl that doesn't have normal hobbies. I read and I write.

I'm the girl that hasn't been asked out at all.

I'm the girl who isn't a people person but I am when it comes to friends.

I'm also the girl they call "best friend."

Lessons Learned in Twilight:
1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast

TWILIGHT FANS: would rather rely on Alice for future predictions

NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG!

TWILIGHT FANS: say OH MY EDWARD!! (OME)

NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings

TWILIGHT FANS: know that Jasper already can sense their feelings without saying a word

NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or i'll tell on you!

TWILIGHT FANS: say shut up or i'll provoke the Volturi and blame you

NORMAL PEOPLE: think that vampires are all like Dracula

TWILIGHT FANS: know A LOT better and absolutely love the Cullen vampires

NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!

TWILIGHT FANS: when being chased yell EDWARD SAVE ME!!

NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms

TWILIGHT FANS: know that the Cullens might be playing baseball somewhere and Emmett was just at bat ; )

NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation

TWILIGHT FANS: would go directly to FORKS WASHINGTON

NORMAL PEOPLE:dont have this on there profile

TWILIGHT FANS: MUST have this on there profile

You know you live in 2010 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/LiveJournal/MySpace.
4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.
7.As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
8. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.
9. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.
10. You were too busy to notice number five.
11. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.
12. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.
13. Put this in your pro if you fell for it. You know you did. (Yup, every SINGLE time!)

1. Prance around the house singing Madonna's 'Like a virgin' at the top of your lungs every loud when Bella is around to hear it. I would be dead.

2. Running it by Charlie that Edward has been 'sleeping' with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.

3. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob.

4. Program his locker to—whenever he opens it to sing (LOUDLY) YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS, SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! HERE WE GO NOW! YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! GET bobba NOW! And repeat. Over and over and over. very funy

5. Ask him where babies come from. Tell him he's stupid when he won't answer your question.

6. For his birthday give him a $100 McDonalds gift card, and get offended when he tells you he doesn't eat food.

7. Ask him why he likes watching Bella sleep. Call him a pervert.

8. Replace his ringtone with 'Outta my head' by Asheele Simpson. Make sure he can't change it.

9. Color on all his Bella pictures with permanent to replace them.

10. Ask him to be a vampire with you for Halloween. (A.N. That has got to be the easiest costume for him!)

11. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.

12. Constantly remind him that he almost lost Bella to a DOG.

13. Picture yourself with no clothes and covered in blood. Ask him if he wants him a liar when he says no.

14. Tell him Bella's in love with Mike and she has been 'doing' things with him. Tell him you were kidding once he murders Mike.

15. Ask him if Charlie is secretly a unicorn. (A.N. I love that show on youtube!)

16. Make him watch the 'Twilight' movie.

17. Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is hot. When he says no, tell him he has low self esteem issues.

18. Buy him a dog. Name it Jacob. Train the dog to follow him everywhere. P.S. Make sure he doesn't eat it.

19. Ask him why he's not as hot as Robert Pattinson.

20. Ask him if he's ever done it. When he says no, take a picture of him and tape it to the 40 year old virgin movie poster.

21. Make him watch 'Hairspray' with you. Ask him why he's not as hot as Zac Efron. When he says that he is, ask him why he wasn't the star of the singing high school people.

22. Nail his CDS to the ceiling along with his stereo.

23. Start singing 'Paper cut' around him constantly.

24. Tell him that Paul imprinted on him.

25. Glue pictures of Jacob all over his walls.

26. Take his pulse and call 911 when you 'discover' he doesn't have any.

27. When you 'discover' he's a vampire, throw holy water on him and shout,"The power of Christ compels you!"

28. Make a lifelike Bella dummy (with Bella audio) and throw it into a fire. (A.N. Or have Jane burn it mentally, and she'll be happy since she can't burn Bella either.)

29. Bake him a birthday cake with 107 candles and make frequent jokes about him being "over the hill"

30. Whenever he gets mad at you for annoying him so much, turn to the nearest person and go,"Don't worry, its just his time of the month."

31. Volunteer him for a blood drive.

32. Ask him what Hogwarts was like and why he didn't just eat Voldy. (Voldemort. The bald guy who wants to kill Harry.)

33. Paint his piano neon pink. Refuse to buy a new one.

34. Get a shock collar with sequins on it and have Emmett put it on Edward. Give Jacob the remote.Love this one

35. Tell him Alice saw that if he wanted to blend in with humans, he had to wear matching pink liquid eyeliner and nail polish.

36. Paint his Vanquish Pepto Bismol pink.

37. Every time he walks near you jump in front of the nearest car and scream "Save me Edward!"

38. Follow him around concentrating really hard on songs from shows such as 'Barney' and 'The Wiggles'.

39. Challenge him to a breath holding contest and accuse him of cheating.

40. Tell Aro that Edward would like to set up a ball room dancing class with him and the rest of the volturi.

41. Dye his hair blue and give him round black sunglasses and threaten to hide Bella if he doesn't wear them to school.

42. Blindfold him and take him to a tanning salon.

43. Jump out of corners and proceed to beating him with large planks of wood every ten minutes
Sit in his room and stare at him for hours. When he demands why you're staring at him tell him that you're not leaving until he falls asleep. When he tells you he can't sleep, threaten that Santa won't come if he stays awake.

44. Spray cheese into his mouth and force him to swallow it, all the while yelling, "WHAT'S WRONG EDWARD, DON'T YOU LIKE THE CHEEEEEEEESE?

45. Make him a shirt that says "I Like Humans - I Don't Eat Them". Force him to wear it.

46. Make him drive you to La Push so you can jump back and forth on the boundary line screaming "Vampire Land!" "Werewolf Land!" "Vampire Land!" "Werewolf Land!" "Vampire Land! "Werewolf Land!" "Vampire Land!" etc. I would bring Steph and Anna M to do thid with to music.

47. Make him watch 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire'. Mouth the word "Cedward!" in his general direction.

48. Paint his Volvo pink and write "I love Jacob" all over it

49. Sing "It's a Small World" over and over in your head and follow him around.

50. Give his number to Jessica, and tell her he's interested.

51. Ask him about Bella's eighteenth birthday party.

52. Just think of the color black when he's around so he thinks he can't read your mind either.

53. Take every picture of him and draw fangs on them.

54. Watch 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire' and cry hysterically screaming "No Edward!" when Cedric dies.

55. Refer to him as "Eddie".

56. Prank call him saying you have kidnapped Bella and will only accept his Volvo as ransom.

57. Ask him where he buys his contact lenses. Daily. For about, ooh, a year.

58. Eye him suspicously every time he walks past, gripping a crusifix and throwing strings of garlic around your neck.

59. Sing "I Know A Song That'll Get On Your Nerves" in your head continually, over and over again, he'll go insane in less then three hours guarenteed. (A.N. That pretty much is the song!)

60. Come to school wearing dark robes, red/black contacts, and white makeup. Go up to Edward. Claim to be from the Volturi, and ask him where Bella is. (A.N. That's easy for me. I'm somewhat pale, and I already have black eyes!)

61. Get Carlisle to have "The Talk" with him.

62. Offer to put mountain lions on the endangered species list.

63. Run around the school with flyers that say "Save the Mountain Lion!"

64. Tell him Darth Vader is his father

65. Make Bella president of the 'La Push Cliff Diving Society'.

66. Randomly run up with a stake yelling "Die, fiend!"

67. Superglue Bella's window shut.

68. In front of Nessie, say aren't you glad you didn't kill the little brat.

69. Remind him that Jacob and Nessie are eventually going to...well you know.

70. Say, "Wow, you lost your virginity at 107 and your daughter is going to lose hers at 7 to the guy who was in love with your wife."

71. Go up to him and say "Humans are friends, not food." Continue to think this throughout biology class. (A.N. I love that from 'Finding Nemo'!)

72. Purposely slice your finger open from a piece of paper then wave it in his face and squeel, "EDDIE! KISS IT BETTER!"

73. Every time you take a picture of him, ask him if he'll show up when you print it out.

74. Before you print it out, photoshop it so he doesn't show up in it out and show it to him.

75. Continually poke him with a pencil muttering quietly about how it's the closest thing to a wooden stake you can get.

76. For his birthday, buy him spray-on tan.

77. Challenge him to an eating contest and bet all of his money that you'll win. (A.N I should try that once I find out he's real! But do not take that bet with the werewolves.)

78. Whenever he comes near you, eye him suspiciously and put a scarf around your neck.

79. Cover his yard with "Beware of Vampire" signs.

80. Make an "I love Jacob" website and say Bella made it.

81. Write a long, detailed, novel about how the werewolves destroy the vampire race.

82. Tell him over and over again, "Nessie loves a werewolf. AKA The guy who was in love with your wife!"

83. Tell him that Nessie is Jaspers daughter.

84. Make him watch 'Ed, Edd, and Eddy' with you. Continually ask him "Which one are you in there Eddie? Is it him, him him... etc?"

85. Everytime he goes swimming (or refers to it), sing as loudly as you can, "Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!" over and over again.

86. Whenever he's near you, think of either Bella doing things Jacob, or Jasper, or even Emmett, or Nessie doing things with Jacob

Twilight Oath
I promise to remember Bella
Each time I carelessly fall down
And I promise to remember Edward
Whenever I'm out of town
I promise to obey traffic laws
For Charlies sake of course
And I promise to remember Jacob
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Carlisle
When ever I am in the Emergency Room
And I promise to remember Emmett
Every time there's a huge boom
I promise to to remember Rose
Whenever I see someone that holds pure beauty
And I promise to remember Alice
When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me
I promise to remember Nessie
When I see that beautiful curly hair
And I promise to remember Esme
When someone tells me they care
I promise to remember Jasper
Whenever my emotions are unfurled
And I promise to remember the Volturi
When someone speaks of dominating the world
And i promise to remember the Pack when i see a group that bonds together

Yes I promise to love Twilight

Wherever I may go

So that all may see my obsession
Because I know what the Twilighters know

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that you now have a built in Volvo radar, copy this into your profile.

Things to do on an Elevator:

1) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) Meow occasionally.

6) Stare At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) Say 'ding ' at each floor.

8) Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) Swat at flies that don't exist.

22) Call out "Group hug" then enforce it.

FuN sAyInGs :

Bite me. Oww not literly.

I Bite. Don't believe me? Come closer child...

Caution: I drive like you do!

But Mommy...strangers have the best candy

Save the Earth, it's the only planet with Chocolate

No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.

I didn't ask to be a princess but if the crown fits...

Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.

EARTH FIRST!! We'll get the other planets in time.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

"People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door."

I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Your mom looks like Voldemort (oooooh burn)

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

Don't call me emo or I'll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain and then I'll die and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT!

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Tell the truth and run.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

"When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade"

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Don't mess with me I've got a stick

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kindof girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it."

"Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else"

"Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real."

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not."

"Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?"

"What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy."

"A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying 'Man, that was fun!'"

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you."
— Rita Mae Brown

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."
— G.K. Chesterton

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help.. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Ever had writers block when talking?

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Smile, and the world will smile back at you. Laugh, and they'll all think you're on drugs.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak.

If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.

"This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence."

People can be divided into three groups. Those who make things happen. Those who watch things happen. Those who wonder what happened. Congratulations on being the captain of the third group.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Straight is something crooked that was bent.

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy.

If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!

Watch out for the idiot behind me!

Buckle up... it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car

Learn from your parent’s mistakes use birth control.

He who laughs last thinks slowest..

All men are idiots, and I married their king.

All men are idiots, and I'm dating the prince.

Friends help you move; real friends help you move the body.

Very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes

Low riders are for little boys who can't get it up.

Saw it, wanted it, threw a fit, Got It!!

Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my siblings do you want?

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions

My mind is like a steel trap: rusty, dangerous, and banned in 37 states.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

When you are not looking at it, this sentence is in Spanish.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

So many cowboys, so little rope (rawr Jasper I'm coming)

Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

The looney bin called. They have something for you.

Sarcasm, one of the many things I offer.

I speak English, some Spanish, and fluent sarcasm

Quotes: "Boys are like shoes . . . they go well with everything." "NO ONE TOLD ME THAT WE WERE GOING TO DO THAT TODAY!! OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE WORN MY GOOD KICKING SHOES!!"
"And again, no one tells the idiot.".
"Witch, give me your shoe. I need to throw something at your boyfriend."
"I'll F-ING kill you. Just watch me. Or, on second thought, someone video tape me."