I am an avid reader of many different styles of writing but I figured I’d give it a try at writing my own fan fic for a change. I hope that I do not disappoint, as “A New Future” is my first time writing a story.



My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

3. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

14. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

18. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

19. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

21. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

23. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

24. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING.

"You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more.”

25. My mother taught me CONSEQUENCES.

"If you don't tidy your room, there'll be hell to pay."

26. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live

Never go to bed angry, stay up and plot your revenge

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

Boys are like slinkeys. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

My night in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Oh, I have a photographic memory... it just hasn't developed yet

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the ambulance do."

When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.

I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide

You know the speed of light;so what is the speed of dark ?

We're not sarcastic-we're hilarious

We're not annoying-we're just cooler than you

We're not bitches-we just don't like you

We're not obsessed-we're just best friends

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Life was so simple when boys had cooties.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.

No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone.

Tell the truth and run.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

I put the FUN in DisFUNctional :)

It's all fun and games until someone get hurt...then its hilarious.

I dream of a better tomorrow--when chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

My imaginary friend thinks you have seriouse problems...

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

I dont have a short attention span, i just...oh look, a kitty!

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

I ran with scissors, and lived!