Alright, girlscouts, listen up! I am what doctors call a "nihilist", so I don't want any innocent kids reading my stories, when they come. They will be depressing, like nothing else.

Also, you should know that I swear. Hey, it ain't my fault. I was born and raised in Old Havana! Those are the slums of Cuba, for those who don't know. Yeah, I'm a Cuban. Or I was. You know, some people escape Cuba and some people are kicked out. I was kicked out for causing civil unrest, meaning I had a particularly violent drunken episode. So when old Castro heard about some sort of business deal in America for manual labor, he offered me and some of my jailmates for free. It wasn't cuz he liked Capitalism any more, but because he wanted to get rid of me and the others. So I got a job here in America paving roads and now I am retired.