(Warning: this profile contains some elements of strong language, insults and general misbehaviour. In fact, I'd say the ratio of nice stuff to horrible stuff is about 1:4. If you don't like it, then press ALT + Left. K thanks, bye.)

"Alright, it's a Jammy Dodger. But I was promised tea!"

God, I was just looking at my old profile and I cringed. I mentioned Spongebob Fucking Squarepants as one of my favourite TV shows, I was so naive. :sigh:

Anyway, this is the part where I introduce myself. I'm Machismo, (good start). I have been on this Earth for nearly 17 years. And if I am honest, Earth is a pretty shit place, when we look at the war, the famine, the extreme racial tension... oh and Piers Morgan. He's a twat.

I bet that after an introduction like that, you probably think I'm some kind of bored, depressed, unorthodox, self-harming emo child, who swears quite a bit. I'm really not. I'm bored. But, I'm not depressed. I don't particularly enjoy the feel of a sharp blade on my wrists.

So, that's me and I can't be fucked with this anymore. Enjoy my writings.

Update: So, I've been looking at other people's profiles and apparently, the cool thing to do is list things. Whether that means writing your hobbies, your influences or whatever you ate that morning, everyone seems to have a list of some kind. In conclusion, I am going to jump on this bandwagon and ride it to kingdom-come. I'm such a whore.

My list will be the appropriately titled...

Things That Piss Me Right Off:

- X-Factor/Britain's Got Talent/American Idol.

- Millwall FC.

- 14 year olds, who think they are a cross-blend of Rocky, Rambo and insert overrated rapper's name here.

- Big Brother (I think it would be better if the tasks involved surviving an out-break of smallpox or Nazi Zombies or a hungry lion).

- People who post things like 'FML' or 'So depressed... :(' on Facebook. Why? Very simple. These people are what I like to refer to as ASWERS, which is an abbreviation of the term 'Attention Seeking Wankers'. They know people will comment and ask them what's wrong. Then, the ASWERS say something similar to 'dw' or 'it's ok, i'm fine'. WHY DO SAY YOU ARE DEPRESSED, THEN WHEN PEOPLE SHOW AN INTEREST IN YOUR SHIT LIFE, YOU TELL THEM NOT TO WORRY! YOU OBVIOUSLY WANT THEM TO WORRY, ERGO THE ORIGINAL STATUS OF 'FML'!

- Those girls who go out with your mates and become so controlling and anal, that they turn their boyfriends into boring, fun sponges. If anyone reading this is either, a) one of these girls or, b) a boy who takes their hoe's over their bro's, I have one simple instruction for you: G.T.F.O.

I'll update this list with new things that piss me right off.