Hello, I'm whatevs at your service! :D

I'm a girl, caucasian(in simple terms I'm white).

My age is what I'm acting like at the time, but I'll give you a hint...I've just graduated from high school :3 , and where I live, you don't need to know, besides most of the time I'm not even there, cuz I'm off in my own little world. :P

My favorite things to do are read fanfics(of course),play video games,listen to music(mostly from animes),watch animes,going for walks in the woods behind my house,and playing with my dogs.(Shocked, I'm not a total couch patato XP)

I love my family, friends, life, reading, dragons, Anime, Japan, gaming.

I'm not going to say hate, so lets highly dislike snobs (Who have their nose so high in the air they can't see where they are going),men that are perverts(except Pervy Sage ;) he's awesome), people who judge other people before they get to know them, and people who underestimate me.

I'm obsessed with dragons.

My Favorite animes are:Naruto,Naruto Shippuden,Kuroshitsuji,Inu-Yasha(it was the first anime I ever saw),D.Gray Man(in Japanese english dubb sucks),Bleach,Fullmetel Alchemist,Kekkashi,Code Geass,Ghost in the Shell,Hell Girl,D.N.Angel,Samurai Deeper Kyo,Cowboy Bebop,Disgaea(no not the game, the anime it's funny),Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo(now that is the funniest anime I have ever seen),Samurai Champloo, Princess Tutu, and many others I can't think of at the moment. I LOVE the 4th Naruto Shippuden Movie! I cried at the end.

Most of the music I listen to is from Japan but some of my favs are: Most all of Ali Project, Vocaloid and Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, basically anything popular.

My fav mangas. . . . Got way to many dude. Lets just say, I will read almost any I can get my hands on.

Well I can write, but not as good as most people on here, and I would make myself look stupid. '

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list:

Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, Chocolate Chan, Staring.out.my.flooded.window, TheDevilsAngel93, c. b. o. l., Vert911, pinkcherryblossoms225, CherryBlossoms016, Sam-AKA-SakuxSasuLover-, crimsonchidori, Alicia Kawa Uchiha, SilentSinger948, NaruHinaxNejiTen,Kingu Kitsune, Jinchuriki94,Minato Namikaze's Wife, 15interestingfacts

Ninety-five percent of kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley bored, Gem W, Bara- Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Carzy Billie Joe loving freak, shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/ fairy to be, The Gypsy- Pirate Queen, MCR Rocks, Andrew Laplante, Twilight's October Sky, LittleGothGirl13. KagomeMiko92, apparox148, the-purple-fuzzle, Tinatheturtle,doubletime twins, giadolphin, Arrowshot,Minato Namikaze's Wife, 15interestingfacts

"REMEMBER WHEN

REMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HIGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was COOTIES?
'm 0 m' (was your hero)
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMIES were your siblings
and RACE ISSUES were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?

Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now

Love vs. Sex

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit
some friends one evening
and time passed quickly as each shared
their various experiences of the past year.

She ended up staying longer than
planned,andhad to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid
because it was a small town and she lived
only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees,
Diane asked God to keep her safe from
harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a
short cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she
noticed a man standing at the end as though he
were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
andsecurity wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley,she
walked right past the man and arrived
home safely.

The following day, she read in the
newspaper that
a young girl had been raped in the same
alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
the fact that it could have been her, she began too
weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
help this young woman, she decided to go to the
police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so
she toldthem her story.

The police asked her if she would be
willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify
him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out
the man she had seen in the alley the night
before.

When the man was told he had been
identified,he immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and
asked if there was anything they could do
for her.

She asked if they would ask the man one
question.

Diane was curious as to why he had not
attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he
answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
She had two tall men walking on either side of
her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of
teenagers will not stand up for God?

Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly
believe in God..

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you
no matter what...and if you stand up for him he will
stand up for you.
I bet 93 of you people that read this won't repost

25 reasons I owe my mom. Thanks a bunch mom!!(My mom said ALOT of this)

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of DIFFUSION.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Only in America are we this stupid:

1. Only in America ...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America ...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America ...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America ...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America ...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART.

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mommy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mommy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mommy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mommy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mommy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mommy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mommy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mommy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mommy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mommy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mommy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mommy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mommy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mommy I wanted to live
But mommy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mommy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mommy all I wanted to say is "Mommy I love you"
In memory of the Colombian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "Goodbye"

Now you have two choices
1) Re-post and show you care
2) ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, C&P this into your pro.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Ambercrombie and Fitch told them it's not cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you'd be part of the 8 percent laughing your butt off.(All my pants, shirts, and shoes NEVER go over $40 thank God for Walmart.)

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people who answer "Where to begin?"

If you ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, C&P

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, C&P

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfiction, copy this into your pro

If people think you are mentally insane...copy this into your profile

If they are right...copy and paste this into your profile

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your pro

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!( I have ADD so when talking to me be prepared for random stuff that goes WAAAY off the subject.)

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, C&P

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, C&P

If you've ever walked into a doorway you could have clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this into your profile

My best friend is insane, if you agree or have an insane friend, copy and paste this on your pro.

If you think the kids should just stop chasing Lucky and leave the freakin' leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.(When I was in class for taking the GED and they where showing a vid on HOW TO USE A CALCULATER !We are taking the damn GED I think we should know what this is !)

If you have a problem with counselors, copy and paste!!

If you think everyone's out of their minds (including yourself...but that's a given), copy and paste this to your profile

If you love rain, copy and paste.

If you think Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann -- Disney's PIRATES OF THE CARRIBBEAN -- are made for each other and that, no matter how awesomely awesome Jack Sparrow may be, he should never, under any circumstances, be with Elizabeth, COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YUR PROFILE!!

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy, copy this into your profile (My little cusin, little brat will not leave me ALONE!)

If you are a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is plotting world domination,copy and paste this into your profile. (Only when people piss me off *smiles sweetly*)

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste into your pro

If you've ever copy and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have a really long profile, C&P this to make it even longer.

If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in the middle of a conversation, C&P

Chocolate chip cookies are the best! If you agree C&P!!

If you have your own little world, C&P

If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy and paste

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 of the teenage population has tried smoking pot. If you are one of the two percent who haven't, copy and paste this into your profile.

Ever Wonder?

1. Why do we play at a recital, and recite at a play?
2. Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
3. Why feet smell and noses run?
4. How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same?
5. Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
6. If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
7. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
8. Why does our alarm clock go off by going on?
9. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
10. Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
11. Why is it that to stop Windows Beta, you have to click on "Start"?
12. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
13. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
14. When you wind up a clock you start it, so why when you wind up a speech do you end it?
15. Why do we park on the driveway and drive on the parkway?
16. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
17. Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
18. How come a wise man and a wise guy are different?
19. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
20. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
21. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
22. If Vegetable Oil is made of vegetables, what is Baby Oil made of?
23. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
24. Why is there no ham in hamburgers?
25. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
26. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
27. And why does your house burn up while it burns down?
28. Why is there no apple in pineapple?
29. Why do we fill in a form by filling it out?
30. If you wonder about these questions too, copy and paste this into your profile and maybe we'll get some answers

Random Questions

1. If the sky is the limit, then what is space? Over the limit?
2. Are children who act in 'R' rated moves allowed to see them?
3. Why is it when an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in a asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets?
4. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
5. If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
6. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out." ?
7. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt."?
8. Isn't Disneyland just a people trap operated by a mouse?
9. Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
10. Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?
11. Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
12. Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are crazy?
13. Why is it when some products you have to turn upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn down?
14. Why do people say ,"you can't have your cake and eat it too" when no one would have a cake if they can't eat it?
15. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
16. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
17. If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
18. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it
19. If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
20. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
21. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
22. If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?
23. If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

If you have deja vu a lot, copy this into your profile.
If you probably have a body in your closet, copy this into your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you have an iPod and love rocking out to it, post on profile.
If you would kill to have wings, post on profile.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and geting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy.So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality they are amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.

It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.

The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.

So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.

If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you.

Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.

Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Tell the truth and run.

Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

If you think that writing fanfics are fun, put this in your profile!

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

You’re just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!

I’m the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.

When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you!
Woman: But would you stay there??

I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas, used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "Your next" "Your next". Well they stopped doin that crap when i started to do it to them at funerals.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

ur parents lied. ur not special. ur just stupid.

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fucker upside the head

Pass it on...

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

"Love your enemies! It really pisses them off"

"Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."

We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration!

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly i think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," i don't think many people would be dead...

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really good at one thing, staying strong.

Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public

Always forgive our enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

Emo kids have cool hair

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say "Are you gonna drink that?"

Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.

Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.

Guns don't kill people. I do.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron."

"They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?"

"People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual."

"When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I kinda wanted to be a VAMPIRE."

my imaginary friend doesn't like you either

I hate it when the voices argue with my imaginary friends

Smile. It confuses people.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it

flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I’ve got problem for your solution…

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.

The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as the go by.

When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade.

Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship.

Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Don't mess with me I've got a stick.

I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet

One way to figure out how things work: push all the buttons!

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have

Somebody needs a Happy Meal.

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

Being normal is overrated.

Never hide the bodies in the same place, your closet gets full after a while.

"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."

ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

I could tell you what happened in the first chapter of Breaking Dawn, but then I would have to kill you.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

"When all else fails blow shit up."

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!

"I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly"

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

"You say tomato...I say fuck you."

When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

"Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again

To put it nicely, I hope you choke

"True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream"

Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them

I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care

True love isn't free, but i'd pay anything to have it

real life isn't full of happily ever afters, just bursts of happiness that don't last very long

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

The world is cruel... get used to it!

Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal.

If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.

The evil gnomes poked me in the bum wit a stick.

Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things and no good thing ever dies, except my dog scruffy, he got hit by a car.

Welcome to the world of very scary fearies!

For those who think fearies are innocent little creatures...

Killing gnomes with sporks!

Would you like a cookie? So would I.

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

Checking away messages. It's like stalking, but no one knows you are doing it. I even have people's names on my buddy list that I don't know, but I hear they have really good away messages. Some people really put their all into away messages. There are the people who document their every move: "I am taking a shower, but when I get out, I am going to pee, shave, and then iron my pants. Call me if you need me before I go to the mall at 2pm." Then there's the creative one: "I am away from my computer right now." And of course there's that one from the really cool guy: "Yo its friday night, I am drunk, and not sittin up lookin at away messages" Funny how that guy never seems to go idle.

Don't take it personally.. but you smell like an ice cube

Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?"

A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water!

Behold the mighty...chihuahua?

Busy polking my neighbor with a spork. shes really old and wrinkly this is fun muahahaha

Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot

Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!

Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

Feeding my pet old person right now...!

Hello. You have reached The Autopsy-profile. If you are already cut open, Press 1.If you are ordering a new body, Press 2.If you are ordering a cut body, Press 3.If you are picking up a body, Press 4.If you chose none of the options above, please stay on the profile. You will soon be tracked down and picked up in a nice cozy black 'sleeping-bag'.Have a nice day and thank you for choosing Autopsy-profile!

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I?

I do what cheerios tell me.

I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.

I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my hande, here is my...other handle? Shit. now i'm a sugar bowl

I'm bartending at an AA meeting

I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you!

I'm knocking on heavens door.. voice in background Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! me That wasnt my fault!! It was poor constrution... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that...

I'm out driving with my keys in an electrical outlet...

If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.

My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet...

Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions.

The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole.

yo-yos were invented as a weapon

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your butt off

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever run down an "up" escalator, paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever run up a "down" escalator, paste this into your profile.

If you have a sibling who has the ability to beat your butt on a daily basis, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

If you've ever started laughing at something that is remotely funny and can't stop copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever been poked and made a noise resembling that of a constipated animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever read past two AM in the morning copy and paste this into your profile.

If at first you don't succeed, try walking around the brick wall.

You have more chance of dying by an asteroid collision than in a plane crash.

The dimensions of the Space Shuttle, one of humanities greatest achievements, were specified over 2500 years ago by a horse

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why is it called common sense if it's so rare?

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!"

A good or best friend!

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

A good friend will help you find your way when you are lost. A best friend will be the one who stole your compass and your map and is giving you bad directions.

A good friend will help you learn to drive. A best friend will help you roll your car into the lake to collect the insurance.

A good friend will watch your pets when you go away. A best friend won't let you go away.

A good friend will help you up when you fall down. A best friend will point and laugh because they tripped you.

A good friend will go to a concert with you. A best friend will help you kidnap the band.

A good friend calls your parents "Mr." or "Mrs.". A best friend calls your parents "Mom" or "Dad".

A good friend asks you for your number. A best friend asks you for his number.

A good friend will hide you from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after you in the first place.

A good friend lets you make an idiot of yourself in public. A best friend is up there with you making an idiot of themselves too.

Friends hug you good-bye. Best friends rape you in the hallway

Friends will ask you why you are crying but best friends already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.

She's my best friend, break her heart and I'll break your face!

A friend will laugh at you when you play the air guitar a best friend will be standing there next to you doing the drum beat on your head

A friend will know your favorite pop song a best friend will know your sercreatly into death heavy metal

Friends will love your mom, best friends will want to marry your mom so they can officiaclly be your father

A friend will start talking like you, with a best friend it will make no sense when you talk

A friend will try and find you a date to the dance, a best friend will be your date

A friend will tell you "yes you do look good in that dress!" a best friend will be telling you, in detail, how hidious you appear

A friend will take a bullet for you, a best friend will be the one pulling the trigger

A friend know of the guy you like, a best friend knows all twelve of them

A friend will keep track of the guy you like a best friend will track the guy you love

A friend will try and calm you down when your pissed, a best friend will be cracking jokes until your over it

A friend will be jealous when they see you kissing a guy, a best friend will be overprotecively ready to kill the poor guy for it

My friends are people who would spend hours trying to drown a fish but I love them to death!

You know you've got the greatest friends when the only time they make you cry is when you're laughing too hard.

Good friends fade. Best friends are forever.

Random List of Common Sense

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those

who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

ONE FOR THE GIRLS!

(1) A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "i'll miss you..."

(2)Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

(3) Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

(4) Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, straight, and sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Good Advice For Girls

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his friends,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how he is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER!

Did you know...

kissing is healthy.

bananas are good for period pain.

it's good to cry.

chicken soup actually makes you feel better.

94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.

lying is actually unhealthy.

you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.

it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.

89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.

it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.

chocolate will make you feel better.

most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.

a good friend never judges.

a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.

boys aren't worth your tears.

we all love surprises.

Now... make a wish.

Wish REALLY hard!

WISH WISH WISH WISH

Your wish has just been recieved.

Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...

Your wish will be granted.