Hello!

My name is Noneofyourbusiness. I'm a fanfic reader who hides under a thick, fleecy blanket of unhealthy coping habits and memes from my chronic depression, which I have (thank god) recently began attending therapy for. The main fandom I am very, very, very immersed in is Harry Potter.

I have many times considered abandoning fandom because of the horrible addiction and need to escape from this terrible, boring, and just nerve grating world I live in where I am in every sense of the word crippled by social interaction anxiety, mental health, sexual confusion, and just the curse and blessing that is emotion. I don't know if fandom has helped me or hurt me by making be become so addictive and needy for an escape to a fantasy world where I don't actually exist that I will skip classes or tap out of them just to imagine those worlds as vividly as I can. Where I will try to avoid interacting with my own family and friends so I can stay inside of my bubble of make believe.

The way I have been dictated by my fear of change and reality has scared me away from analyzing my discomfort of my gender and sexuality and how I am perceived by myself and my peers and family. My redundant and repetitive routine has left me longing for a change that I am to scared to look for or attempt to think about. The only thing keeping me going and making me... What's the word?... just, decide to NOT hang myself from my closet with a belt is the fear of the mental scarring and financial debt I'll burden my family with, but I feel so much longing as I think of departing this endless cycle of distress, emptiness, incompleteness...

WHO KNOWS MAYBE I'M JUST FUCKING RETARDED?