The Abominable BlowHard

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Joined 05-07-11, id: 2903045, Profile Updated: 08-17-18

Author has written 3 stories for Naruto.

My greatest goal in life is to have a harem... Since I can't, I must dream... These stories, about these people, are the stories I dream of. These are the voyages of the fictional kings and queens of all that was is and ever will be...

And the crap below is what I contribute to it.

These are

BedRoom Jutsu's

What would you do? What if it did happen, do you think you could do it. I know you all have those thoughts. But if it came to be, that you could have them fulfilled, only a small few of you have the ball's ( or ovaries ) do go through with it. Then again, how many would get away with what they truly want?

BedRoom Jutsu's is a story of some who will get what they want. {Warning - Includes Explicit Intimacy (Smut)}

I, Shinobi: Naruto Uzumaki!

Okay So you get the cliche. I woke up in a fictional world as another person. And this person just so happens to be the main character! No idea how to speak the language.. oh wait, I know that... No idea how to read the... okay so I know that too. But surly I can't do the jutsu! ... okay this can't be real right? I know how it should turn out, but things have already begun to change. How do I not only keep my self alive and undiscovered, but also keep the world safe? My knowledge of the future of this world will be useless once the ripple effect of the changes I have already made sets in!

I, Shinobi: Naruto Chibi!

Okay So you get the cliche. I woke up in a fictional world as another person. And this person just so happens to be a brat sized Naruto Uzumaki! No idea how to speak the language.. oh wait, I know that... No idea how to read the... okay so I know that too. But surly I can't do the jutsu! ... okay this can't be real right? I know how it should turn out, but things have already begun to change. How do I not only keep my self alive and undiscovered, but also keep the world safe? My knowledge of the future of this world will be useless once the ripple effect of the changes I have already made sets in!

I, Shinobi: Hiruzen Sarutobi!

Okay So you get the cliche. I woke up in a fictional world as another person. And this person just so happens to be the leader of the entire village! No idea how to speak the language.. oh wait, I know that... No idea how to read the... okay so I know that too. But surly I can't do the jutsu! ... okay this can't be real right? I know how it should turn out, but things have already begun to change. How do I not only keep my self alive and undiscovered, but also keep the world safe? My knowledge of the future of this world will be useless once the ripple effect of the changes I have already made sets in!

I, Shinobi: Sasuke Uchiha!

Okay So you get the cliche. I woke up in a fictional world as another person. And this person just so happens to be the dark emo himself! No idea how to speak the language.. oh wait, I know that... No idea how to read the... okay so I know that too. But surly I can't do the jutsu! ... okay this can't be real right? I know how it should turn out, but things have already begun to change. How do I not only keep my self alive and undiscovered, but also keep the world safe? My knowledge of the future of this world will be useless once the ripple effect of the changes I have already made sets in!

I, Shinobi: Hinata Hyuuga!

Okay So you get the cliche. I woke up in a fictional world as another person. And this person just so happens to be the hero's future wife! No idea how to speak the language.. oh wait, I know that... No idea how to read the... okay so I know that too. But surly I can't do the jutsu! ... okay this can't be real right? I know how it should turn out, but things have already begun to change. How do I not only keep my self alive and undiscovered, but also keep the world safe? My knowledge of the future of this world will be useless once the ripple effect of the changes I have already made sets in!

I, Shinobi:Sakura Haruno!

Okay So you get the cliche. I woke up in a fictional world as another person. And this person just so happens to be the most useless of them all! Oh and she's still partly in my head! No idea how to speak the language.. oh wait, I know that... No idea how to read the... okay so I know that too. But surly I can't do the jutsu! ... okay this can't be real right? I know how it should turn out, but things have already begun to change. How do I not only keep my self alive and undiscovered, but also keep the world safe? My knowledge of the future of this world will be useless once the ripple effect of the changes I have already made sets in!

I, Shinobi:Kakashi Hatake!

Okay So you get the cliche. I woke up in a fictional world as another person. And this person just so happens to be the teacher responsible for training the hero who saves the world! No idea how to speak the language.. oh wait, I know that... No idea how to read the... okay so I know that too. But surly I can't do the jutsu! ... okay this can't be real right? I know how it should turn out, but things have already begun to change. How do I not only keep my self alive and undiscovered, but also keep the world safe? My knowledge of the future of this world will be useless once the ripple effect of the changes I have already made sets in!

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Better Left Unsaid by Kenchi618 reviews

Mizuki never got to shoot his mouth off at Naruto the night he took the Scroll of Seals. Other than skipping a half-manic monologue from him what exactly did this change for everyone's favorite blonde ninja? Who knows? Rated M for language/later events.

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 78 - Words: 1,011,175 - Reviews: 9432 - Favs: 13,321 - Follows: 12,544 - Updated: 4/2 - Published: 12/14/2010 - [Naruto U., Ino Y.] Team Ten

Schrodinger's Fox by 36Tesseract reviews

The 4th Hokage sealed half of the Kyuubi into Naruto & the other half into himself, before being consumed by the Death God. So our fox, much like Schrodinger's Cat, is half-dead/half-alive and therefore cannot die, and while he's in Naruto... neither can he. Plus, one half of the Kyuubi, can talk to the other half who con talk to the rest in the Death God's gut.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 20,122 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 198 - Follows: 276 - Updated: 7/12/2018 - Published: 1/1/2017

Shiryokugakure: The Village Hidden in Plain Sight by 36Tesseract reviews

This is my reply to the Missing Hokage Challenge by Lionheart. Naruto nearly dies getting Sasuke back. But when it's reveled the sharingan can control the kyuubi, the village council decides to transfer it into the Uchiha. Knowing full and well that the extraction would kill Naruto. So Tsunade packs them up and they flee.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 58,636 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 348 - Follows: 477 - Updated: 11/18/2017 - Published: 5/17/2012 - Naruto U.

LATE Naruto: Life After The Ends by 36Tesseract reviews

In this fiction Naruto is killed during the Sasuke retrieval mission and wakes up back when he first became a gennin. What could Naruto do if he had an extra year of experience to start with.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 58,462 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 619 - Follows: 829 - Updated: 10/2/2017 - Published: 4/30/2012 - Naruto U.

Unplanned Paternity by TwinTrouble reviews

Indefinite babysitting duty was so not on Kakashi's list of things he wanted to do with his life.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Family/Adventure - Chapters: 17 - Words: 151,206 - Reviews: 3516 - Favs: 6,615 - Follows: 6,838 - Updated: 5/28/2017 - Published: 6/22/2010 - Kakashi H., Naruto U.

Wisdom of Chance: An Evil Awakens by 36Tesseract reviews

This is a Spin off of my other fiction Wisdom of Chance, covering Vaanarash's Two Challenges; "Sons of Battles challenge" & "Tenten's Ulterior Motive Challenge." Naruto has gained the memories of a wisdom past & Tsunade has rejected Sakura for Tenten. However In this one, when Sakura is rejected, her path takes a darker turn. She starts down the road to becoming the Jakuna no Kogo!

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 32,254 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 5/3/2017 - Published: 6/2/2016 - Naruto U., Hinata H., Tenten, Temari

Wisdom of Chance by 36Tesseract reviews

This Story is in response to Vaanarash's Two Challenges; The 1st being his "Sons of Battles challenge" in which Naruto gets holes in his memories, which are filled by the memories of a certain dead shinobi, & 2nd Being the "Tenten's Ulterior Motive Challenge" in which Tenten decides to pursue Naruto because of his relationship with Tsunade the 5th Hokage!

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 33,770 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 235 - Follows: 329 - Updated: 5/3/2017 - Published: 11/20/2015 - Naruto U., Hinata H., Tenten

Uzumaki: A Lone Fox by 36Tesseract reviews

What if Naruto never stole the scroll, never learned the shadow clone jutsu? What if he didn't graduate? How would things change for the village, for team 7? What would Naruto do to become a shinobi? What would the powers that be decide would be best for the village?

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 40,499 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 126 - Follows: 222 - Updated: 5/3/2017 - Published: 4/30/2012 - Naruto U.

The Thousand Ninja by 36Tesseract reviews

The Kyuubi Attack went differently. Some who died didn't, Some who lived didn't either. The whole Fox was sealed inside Naruto instead of only half. Naruto wasn't alone as a child. Properly raised Naruto can become either 1 or 1000! OPNaruto! OP-Hiraishin-Itachi/Haku! Hiraishin-Kakashi! Jonin-Iruka(Hokage-To-Be)! Full Akatsuki attack Pre-timeskip! Evil-Curse-Seal-Neji not Sasuke!

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 43,600 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 128 - Updated: 5/3/2017 - Published: 5/17/2012 - Naruto U.

T8: Retroversion by 36Tesseract reviews

An AU of S'tarKan's Team 8. Permission Granted. Starts with Ch19 as transition chapter. I suggest you read "Team 8" before reading this. As a member of Team 8, lead by Yuhi Kurenai, and teamed up with Hinata & Shino, Naruto will find support and friendship that allow him to excel to great heights long before he was meant to! Thank You, & enjoy.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 12 - Words: 135,044 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 179 - Follows: 232 - Updated: 5/3/2017 - Published: 2/6/2009 - Naruto U.

A Drop of Poison by Angel of Snapdragons reviews

WIP An unconscious Iruka forces Naruto to return to the academy for another year. It also marks the beginnings of a prank whose far-reaching consequences will shake Konoha to its foundations.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 33 - Words: 194,748 - Reviews: 7690 - Favs: 13,447 - Follows: 14,359 - Updated: 12/3/2016 - Published: 10/3/2008 - Naruto U., Iruka U.

Tsunade's Heir by funkmasterjo reviews

Tsunade adopts Naruto. What will life be like living with two medic nins and a mother who's playful fingerflicks could bash through trees? Now how about adding an infamous pervert and a philosophic demon to the mix?

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 41 - Words: 205,946 - Reviews: 2448 - Favs: 4,127 - Follows: 3,815 - Updated: 5/10/2016 - Published: 8/2/2006 - Naruto U.

Naruto: Potential Realised by Iron Monkey Fist reviews

The old man survived the invasion and acknowledged Naruto's services to Konoha. How would the shinobi world cope with a Naruto who realises his full potential and becomes the splendid shinobi only few believed he could be?

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 27 - Words: 309,648 - Reviews: 3817 - Favs: 9,178 - Follows: 9,203 - Updated: 9/17/2015 - Published: 6/24/2011 - Naruto U.

Team 8 by S'TarKan reviews

What if Naruto had been selected for a different team? What if he'd had a different mentor? Who would guess the consequences would be so large?

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 276,868 - Reviews: 15063 - Favs: 22,138 - Follows: 19,440 - Updated: 4/23/2015 - Published: 1/1/2006 - Naruto U., Hinata H.

Never Use Shadow Clones to do Your Paper Work by gentlemankitsune reviews

Arranged marriage: the concept of being engaged and married to your partner without having known the person beforehand. A concept usually applied only to the lords and ladies of the elemental nations, but not the Ninja. Never the Ninja. Too risky. Too dangerous. Suffice to say, Minato was a very trusting man as he lived. Too trusting. Forced Harem. Yugito Temari Fu Mei Kurotsuchi

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 42 - Words: 226,939 - Reviews: 1340 - Favs: 2,665 - Follows: 2,292 - Updated: 1/25/2015 - Published: 2/4/2014 - Naruto U. - Complete

Aberration by Rin O' Gen reviews

The second she realized she was in the world of Naruto, Rae swore she wouldn't interfere. Even so, looking at the shivering 8-year-old before her, she couldn't help but hold him close. It's not like one friend will change anything, right? T for violence and some language.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 113,124 - Reviews: 2771 - Favs: 7,333 - Follows: 7,753 - Updated: 1/13/2015 - Published: 8/28/2010 - Naruto U., Kakashi H., OC

The Great Romantic by MogtheGnome reviews

What are the odds that giving someone a gift would end up cascading into THIS kind of reaction? Probably pretty low... But this way is funnier.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 57,721 - Reviews: 1111 - Favs: 3,349 - Follows: 2,883 - Updated: 3/4/2014 - Published: 9/29/2007 - Naruto U., Tenten

Naruto: Shinobi Institute of Performance Analysis by MaxFic reviews

Not every idea Orochimaru ever had was bad. When one of his mothballed programs gets refreshed by the Third how will the world change for Team 7 when they are given brutally honest evaluations of their skills, personalities and potentials. With this knowledge laid bare before them and their Sensei what do they do and how to they grow. STRAIGHT/NON-YAOI

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 35 - Words: 174,523 - Reviews: 3066 - Favs: 7,891 - Follows: 5,035 - Updated: 1/23/2014 - Published: 3/28/2013 - Naruto U., Karin U., Fū - Complete

When Jutsu Go Wrong by Leonineus reviews

When two jutsu combine, odd things can happen, as Naruto Namikaze just discovered. AU/AT, NaruxHarem

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 83,330 - Reviews: 329 - Favs: 1,455 - Follows: 1,519 - Updated: 11/12/2013 - Published: 1/19/2011 - Naruto U., Hinata H.

Team ROOT by Leonineus reviews

Danzō knows the Sandaime will never consent to the Kyūbi jinchūriki being placed in his ROOT program, so he takes matters into his own hands, as well as those matters pertaining to a certain newborn Hyūga heiress... NaruHina, powerful!Naruto and Hinata

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 30,235 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 466 - Follows: 508 - Updated: 11/12/2013 - Published: 4/22/2011 - Naruto U., Hinata H.

Motivation by Durandall reviews

Kakashi made a mistake. Shikamaru is smart. Shino is skilled. Naruto is strong. Maybe something amazing could happen, with the right ... motivation.

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 136,375 - Reviews: 1043 - Favs: 3,895 - Follows: 3,812 - Updated: 10/21/2013 - Published: 2/18/2011

Naruto the REAL Fifth Hokage by Traban16 reviews

After the Orochimaru Invasion, the Shinobi Council and Konoha Elders sat down with the Fire Damiyo to discuss a new Hokage. What if the Fire Damiyo read reports on the Invasion? What if he decided the Fifth Hokage should be Naruto? Naruto/Harem

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 235,015 - Reviews: 2075 - Favs: 5,452 - Follows: 4,677 - Updated: 9/10/2013 - Published: 3/9/2011 - Naruto U., Hinata H.

The Empty Cage by Rathanel reviews

AU. Desperate and rushed, Minato Namikaze is forced to rely on the Death God's seal, a seal he doesn't fully understand, and his son pays the price with his life. So who is the blond-haired kid running around Konoha? M for language and violence.

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 58 - Words: 373,732 - Reviews: 1923 - Favs: 2,935 - Follows: 2,597 - Updated: 8/11/2013 - Published: 8/20/2011 - Kyuubi/Kurama

Naruto: Shadows of the Mind by Vaanarash reviews

Sarutobi had always had the best of intentions when he made his decisions concerning Naruto. But you know what they say about the road to Hell and intentions. Now, with unseen enemies and shadowy secrets all around him, Naruto must choose his path and live his life his way. No matter the cost. Gray Naruto, Sort of Naru/FemHaku, Naru/? no harem, no yaoi.

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 262,871 - Reviews: 1367 - Favs: 2,423 - Follows: 2,427 - Updated: 6/1/2013 - Published: 6/5/2009 - Naruto U.

Masters of Genjutsu by Tsukune08 reviews

Naruto is known as being hopeless in the case of Genjutsu. From the beginning he is told he could never become a Genjutsu user. What would happen if those people were wrong and he had friends and a sensei who helped him to achieve that goal?

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 40 - Words: 343,886 - Reviews: 4200 - Favs: 6,469 - Follows: 5,074 - Updated: 5/27/2013 - Published: 5/27/2011 - Naruto U., Kurenai Y. - Complete

Danzo's Team by kosmos00 reviews

Danzo asks to be Team 7's Jounin. Follows Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke as they grow into their positions. Kakashi is still in the fic. A more military take on the Narutoverse, will try to focus on ninja using tricks instead of brute force. strong!team.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 114,808 - Reviews: 706 - Favs: 2,386 - Follows: 2,506 - Updated: 1/18/2013 - Published: 2/10/2012 - Danzō S., Team Seven

Lies and Deceit by Kabukiman reviews

AU. Naruto, tired of being lectured on his chakra control and to be more like Sasuke, decides to take action. Time to show the world how great the Uchiha prodigy truly is. Warning: General Team 7 bashing. Cursing.First chapter's kinda lame, gets better.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 94,249 - Reviews: 969 - Favs: 2,204 - Follows: 2,330 - Updated: 7/11/2012 - Published: 2/5/2006 - Naruto U., Hinata H.

Naruto One Man Team by Ackdam reviews

After graduating from the academy, Naruto starts to reveal his true self. Won't everyone be surprised at what the 'demon' can do?...Powerful Naruto - NaruXHarem - Saku/Sasu/Kiba bashing - Rated M for language, violence and adult themes.

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 431,868 - Reviews: 4374 - Favs: 9,576 - Follows: 8,159 - Updated: 5/6/2012 - Published: 1/15/2010 - Naruto U., Hinata H.

Snake and Fox by ChunkyLover584 reviews

Naruto, fed up with his team ignoring him, runs off during a training session and soon finds himself in the forest of death. See how this seemingly insignificant event, changes the Naruto Universe forever. NARUxANKO

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 52,249 - Reviews: 371 - Favs: 1,915 - Follows: 791 - Updated: 7/30/2010 - Published: 7/24/2010 - Naruto U., Anko M. - Complete

People Lie by Nugar reviews

Lies have power. They can change a simple-minded believer into a two-faced schemer and a timid follower into a fanatical devotee. They can change a child angry at the world into a man consumed by more than vengeance. But that power is a lie as well.

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 34 - Words: 286,222 - Reviews: 2444 - Favs: 3,777 - Follows: 2,965 - Updated: 7/25/2010 - Published: 8/24/2007 - Naruto U., Hinata H.

Chunin Exam Day by Perfect Lionheart reviews

Naruto finds he is flung back in time and must repeat the entire Chunin exam over and over and over, until he gets it right and possibly saves Konoha in the bargain.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 77 - Words: 344,950 - Reviews: 15590 - Favs: 9,665 - Follows: 7,359 - Updated: 5/22/2010 - Published: 12/4/2007 - Naruto U.

Naruto Hatake by Agent-G reviews

AU. What if Naruto had been raised by Kakashi his entire life and how would raising Naruto change Kakashi's life as well? NarutoHinata, KakashiAnko later on.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 63 - Words: 315,249 - Reviews: 3599 - Favs: 6,303 - Follows: 3,487 - Updated: 1/31/2010 - Published: 9/25/2007 - Naruto U., Hinata H. - Complete

Out of the Darkness: A Jinchuuriki's Tale by S'TarKan reviews

People have asked for a sequel with Riley from There's Always A Way... So I got to wondering what someone with his sarcastic personality would be like in Naruto. Warning: This is darker and grittier.

Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 48,966 - Reviews: 626 - Favs: 1,089 - Follows: 1,095 - Updated: 12/1/2009 - Published: 8/6/2006 - Naruto U., Hinata H.

All Is Relative Except the Stubbornness of a Demon by Uncle Stojil reviews

The Kyuubi doesn't want to die. He cannot even grasp the idea of himself dying. He's meant to be immortal and he has no intention whatsoever to go against his very nature. True, he's stuck inside Naruto, but the boy has absolutely no say in this matter.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 76,985 - Reviews: 912 - Favs: 3,453 - Follows: 3,660 - Updated: 6/7/2009 - Published: 8/15/2008 - Naruto U.

Spying no Jutsu by daniel-gudman reviews

Disguised as a girl, Naruto will spy on Kage level kunoichi at the Cute Polar Bear Hot Springs Festival. On a related note, Sasuke deals with his growing attration to a mysterious new kunoichi. Also, the first ever Iruka Love Polygon. That I'm aware of.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 11 - Words: 89,511 - Reviews: 1279 - Favs: 3,770 - Follows: 1,753 - Updated: 1/11/2009 - Published: 3/24/2006 - Naruto U., Iruka U. - Complete

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

I, Shinobi: Naruto Uzumaki reviews

Okay So you get the cliche. I woke up in a fictional world as another person. And this person just so happens to be the main character! Okay this can't be real right? I know how it should turn out, but things have already begun to change. How do I not only keep my self alive and undiscovered, but also keep the world safe?Extra-Insert-Story.[Not-self] Dnt like thn dnt read.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,065 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 9/13/2018 - Published: 8/17/2018 - Naruto U.

I, Shinobi: Sakura Haruno reviews

Okay So you get the cliche. I woke up in a fictional world as another person. Oh and she's still partly in my head! Okay this can't be real right? I know how it should turn out, but things have already begun to change. How do I not only keep my self alive and undiscovered, but also keep the world safe? Extra-Insert-Story.[Not-self] Don't like then don't read.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,981 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 8/19/2018 - Published: 8/18/2018 - Sakura H.

I, Shinobi: Naruto Chibi! reviews

Okay So you get the cliche. I woke up in a fictional world as another person. And this person just so happens to be a brat sized Naruto Uzumaki! Okay this can't be real right? I know how it should turn out, but things have already begun to change. How do I not only keep my self alive and undiscovered, but also keep the world safe?Extra-Insert-Story.[Not-self] Dnt like thn dnt read.

Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,568 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 8/19/2018 - Published: 8/17/2018 - Naruto U.