(As of 4/30/2018 - I'm going to keep this up just to remember how naive and cringy I was back in 2012)

My name is NightGuardian, or you can call me Laura (I prefer if you don't actually)

Name: Laura

Age: 12 (about to be 13 on July 25th)

Gender: Female (Duh)

Likes: Food, ice cream, Vampire Academy (woohoo!), Scrubs, CSI, Law and Order, Food Network, cooking, PRETZELS!!

Dislikes: Twilight, Grey's Anatomy, All things sparkly (sorry, not a girly girl)

Really Dislike: EDWARD FREAKIN' CULLEN!!!

I am the boy who never finished high school because I got called a fag everyday.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMT s stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian,
because they constantly make fun of them.

I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson"

its so cruel how people treat them. i'm not against gays. it doesn't bother me,you fall in love with who ever you want and sometimes you can't help it.

If you have gone to someone's profile page, had to scroll down a mile to see their stories, got ticked off and cursed them internally, and nearly sent them flames, all because they had so many Copy and Pastes, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe. If you are part of the less than 1 percent that questions the legitimacy of such a fact, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers have tried drugs. If you actually did research and found out that it was 47 percent at most, copy and paste this into your profile.

95 percent of teenagers care about popularity. If you LOVE pretzels, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a fan of Edward Cullen, save a cow, eat a lion.

If you're a fan of Jacob Black, save a dog, adopt a werewolf.

If you're a fan of Bella Swan, then you've got issues, girl.

Not everybody can be in the minority. If you're non-non-conformist, copy and paste this. No, wait, don't. Be so non-non-conformist that you don't NEED to copy and paste this.

If you are excited about the Hunger Games movie, copy to your profile.

Haikus are random
They never make any sense
Refrigerator

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 of kids would DIE if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you are 1 of the 2 that would laugh their heads off at the others.

If Phineas and Ferb is the only good cartoon out there these days, copy this into your profile. (except for Spongebob; he's okay.)

If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If one part of you is calm and the other part like to stand on their head and sing theme songs,copy and paste this to your profile

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that Chip the Wolf should just go to the supermarket and buy his own cookie crisp instead of trying to steal someone else's, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get, like, two reviews, copy this into your profile

If you think that those kids should just let Lucky have his cereal back, copy this into your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile

If your part of the .0000000001 percent of people who does NOT have a MySpace, copy and paste this into your profile

If you get a kick out of explosions, put this in your profile

If you have ever gotten a song stuck in your head that you only know a few words to, and then gotten so fed up that you looked the lyrics up online just so that you could have something else stuck in your head, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you already have a gajillion of these "copy this into your profile" things, copy this into your profile.

If you still need the alphabet to remember the letter's order, copy this to yout profile.

If you've ever tripped down the stairs, add this to your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, add this to your profile.

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile

If there are times where you DO annoy people just for the heck of it, copy and paste this into/onto/in your profile/bio.

If you've ever pointed out to someone that For He's a Jolly Good Fellow and The Bear Went Over the Mountain have the same tune, put this in your profile.

If you've ever written stuff on your car windows when they're covered in condensation, copy this to your profile

If you can think of at least one person you would like to push down a well copy this into your profile.

LOL If u have ever dun anything stupid in your life copy and paste this into your profile

If you ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you really have no idea how this copy and pasting stuff started, but enjoy it anyway, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless (but fun), and you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have read every single one of these up to here, award yourself 5 points and copy this somewhere into your profile.

If you don't like Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile

If you agree that TV shows should never be cancelled, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you don't like Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana/Destiny Hope Cyrus/Whatever She's Calling Herself Now, copy and paste this into your profile

93 percent (or something like that) of teenagers and children would go insane if the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus were about to jump off a skyscraper and die. Copy and paste this into your profile if you are part of the 7 percent that would grab popcorn, a chair, and scream 'JUMP! JUMP! JUMP'

Pairings I Support:

Percy Jackson & the Olympians

Percabeth- Percy and Annabeth

Beckalina- Beckendorf and Silena

Gruniper- Grover and Juniper

Chrisse- Chris and Clarisse

~You Know You’re Obsessed With Percy Jackson When…

You go to the Empire State Building and you ask for the 600th Floor.

There’s a thunderstorm going on and you scream, “CALM DOWN, ZEUS!”

Every time you use the Internet, you thank Hermes.

When you see Harry Potter, you think of Percy with glasses.

You burn food to see if it smells good.

You see an owl, you go, “Hi Athena!”

You’re in a running/swimming race and you’re praying and sacrificing to Hermes/Poseidon.

You think that your favorite singer is a child of Apollo.

Someone close to you dies and you give them money (LOTS of it) just in case…

Everyone else is creating a Twilight family and you create a PJO family.

You go on a cruise and you hope the boat isn’t The Princess Andromeda…

You’re on a boat and you pray that Poseidon is in a good mood.

You’re in the air (hang-gliding, cliff-diving, bungee jumping, flying, in a plane, etc.) and you hope Zeus is in a good mood and won’t blast you out of the air.

You go to Aunty Em’s and say you’re camera shy.

You find your true love and thank Aphrodite for sending him/her to you

You know Muse is the best singers. Get it, the Nine Muses??

Bring a blue plastic hairbrush with you everywhere.

When it gets really cold randomly, blame Kronos.

You get a Greek mythology calendar for Christmas

You get really mad at Hades when a family member dies.

You sometimes try to control water.

You don't read anything but PJO for 3 months.

You've gone to Google maps and looked up Camp Half-Blood’s address.

You carry a ballpoint pen in your pocket.

That everytime you pick up a pen, you think it'll turn into a sword.

Everytime you play dodgeball, you bring a suit of armor.

You go to San Fransisco looking for the Old Sea Man.

You find yourself praying to Poseidon for rain.

Whenever your internet slows down, you yell at the sky and say "HERMES! WHY DO YOU LOVE ANNOYING ME?!"

You pray to Athena when you don’t study for a math test.

And when you flunk said test, you blame her irritation on Percabeth

You start hearing Percabeth in every song you hear.

You curse a god/goddess a lot.

You have one (Or more) pictures relating to PJO in your room.

You know PJO better then most sane people. (Yupers)

At least half of your friends have read all the PJO, or are going to in the very near future

You wish you could find a rainbow and a golden drachma to see if Iris messages work

You give friends and youself a godly parent,

You are trying to learn Greek

You keep thinking about one of the PJO books when you go on a trip.

You think of Percy every time you see a dark haried green-eyed boy

You have an instant crush on Nico! (Hades NO!)

You just have to research more about greek mythology (Did that. Know everything now. )

You want to learn Latin.

You copy/paste this onto your profile

Most of your fics are PJO related, even if it is a cross over

You have taken every test you can find about what demigodly parent you would/should have, and your trying to get your friends to

You make sure all of your friends (Or most of them), have an idea about what you say when talking about PJO

Your friends (At least one), think you are obbsessed with PJO, and you agree (Duh!! I've been trying to get a bunch of my other friends to read it. Some of them have, and they love it :D)

You have one or more things related to PJO on your school stuff, and if someone asks you why, you tell them

You have something on your school things (Or home things), that says 'Daughter (Or son if you're a guy) of God/goddess', and you don't even try to hide it, even if it says daughter of Name of unliked god/goddess.

You’re nodding and smiling when you read this

You own every single book

You are planning on adding a lot more things to this list

You call yourself a demigod

You wish with every fibre of your being that the first page of The Lightning Theif told the truth, and the PJO series is real

You find yourself praying to a random god when you didn't study for a math test because you were too busy reading PJO

You've called someone you know a satyr.

You think the TLT poster in your room is a video camera, and they are secretly watching you.

If you Yell at people who think PJO is stupid copy this to your profile. (Yep.. People think I'm insane now.. They're right...)

If you're obsessed with PJO like me, copy this into your profile

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you have ever laughed at something that you wouldn't normally laugh at because it was really late at night, copy this into your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. Oh the irony...

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you forgot your phone number when some one asks for it copy this into your profile.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (You know we could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with colds off those forklifts . . .)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no, we get real fake bacon.)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (Hmm . . . something must have gotten lost in the translation . . .)

On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one . . .)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

On a children's fold-away stroller: Do not fold while child is in stroller. (Wouldn't that save time?)

23 Ways To Annoy People In An Elevator

1)CRACK open your bag, peer inside and ask, “Got enough air in there?”

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you’re embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: “You’re one of THEM” – and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY, “I wonder what all these do?” And push all the buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when someone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: “I have new socks on.”

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: “Is that your beeper?”

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: “This is my personal space.”

14) WHEN there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn’t you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say “Hi Greg, how’s your day been?”

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: “That’s mine!”

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don’t exist.

22) CALL out “Group hug!” then enforce it.

23) When the lift is going down, scream “We’re gonna die!”

23. Make race car noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift as you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. Walk in with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!", then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring--don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say, "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, then say, "Is that your final answer?"

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask people what floor they want. Whenever they answer, give them a glare and say, "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

33. Ask loudly, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell different people that you can see their aura.

35. When the door closes, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. Dress up in a long black cloak with a hood, stare at everyone, and in a deep voice announce: "It is time..."

My name is Tiffany

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren’t ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can’t do a wrong

I can’t speak at all

Or else im locked up

All day long.

When im awake im all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren’t home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe ill just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie’s bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I’m so afraid now

I’m starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He’s already locked it

And i start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"I’m sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted

Into a unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While i lay there motionless

Brawled on the floor

My name is tiffany

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me

And you can help

Sickens me top the soul,

And if you read this

and don’t pass it on

I pray for your forgiveness

Because you would have to be

One heartless person

To not be effected

By this Poem

And because you are effected,

Do something about it!

So all i ask you to do

Is pass this on!

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile

Copy and paste if you cried or screamed whenever Percy thought about Annabeth in Son Of Neptune.

If you screamed like a fangirl everytime Percy remembered something from his past copy and paste this.

More Copy and Paste Stuff!

I'm not so good at advice; may I intrest you in a sarcastic reply?

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.

WARNING: Do not follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls and off cliffs.

Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real.

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have. (I don't have ADD, I have SAS: short attention span)

What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man?

I'm not littering . . . just donating to the Earth.

It's funny--the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up.

I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you... you're just not laughing.

I used up all my sick days at work so I'm calling in dead.

Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home.

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Note to self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

My favorite word is sarcasm.

Please don't drop cigarette buds on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

If you want to look young and thin, hang around with old fat people.

If Wal-mart is lowering their prices everyday, how come the store isn't free yet?

Sarcasm doesn't work on a sarcastic person.

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' (if I HAD one . . .)

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

Screw fire and save matches!!

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.

Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. . . if well-aimed.

One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.

I hear your silence loud and clear.

According to the latest figures, 43% of all statistics are utterly worthless.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.

Tell the truth and run.

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Friends come and go while enemies never do; they just multiply.

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.

Generally, generalizations are wrong.

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.

Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.

The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?

Whatever you are, be a good one.

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.

The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.

Belief gets in the way of learning.

If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?

When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.

Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.

We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we perceive reality.

If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.

A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.

Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.

Education is important. School, however, is another matter.

When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.

Cynics are made, not born.

What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it? . . . . Next week.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

My mind works like lightning . . . . one brilliant flash and it's gone.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Don't underestimate the power of funny. It moves mountains.

Never say that! Never! Run before you walk! Fly before you crawl! Keep moving forward! Because if we fail, I'd rather fail really hugely. All or nothing!

Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them more.

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional . . .

When I'm stressed, I laugh. When I'm happy, I laugh. When I'm nervous, I laugh. If I find something funny, I can't stop laughing.

If you find any poisonous plants in your tea, just to let you know, it wasn't me.

Don't pop my bubbles. I'll get depressed.

Anatidaephobia: the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.

If your heart was really broken . . . you'd be dead so shut up.

People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled "Bang", I don't think you'd kill too many people.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

Emmett's the strongest, Edward's the fastest, but Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make people jealous.

They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.

The 50-50-90 rule: any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

The voices may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

Why be difficult, when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Newsflash, Honey, I don't live to please you.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.

Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver.

When life gives you lemons . . .
make grape juice, and watch the world wonder how you did it. (OR)
squirt 'em in peoples' eyes!

Be insane- well behaved people never made history.

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

To the world you are just one person, but to one person, you're the world.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and was too stubborn to ask for directions.

It's always in the last place you look . . . of course it is, why would I keep looking for it?

Happiness is just around the corner! . . . Too bad the world is round . . .

I'm not random . . .
I just have many thou- OH, A SQUIRREL!! (OR)
you just can't think as fast as me.

I can only please one person a day. Today's not your day, and tomorrow's not looking good either.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!

If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that thing up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you *!"

Rock beats paper. Always. But since we live in a world where Paper may beat rock, use Cannonball; it makes a big hole in paper.

I hate it when people say there is no such thing as normal. There IS such thing, as normal means average, what is considered to be most common. Normal. Of course, I'm not normal at all so I have no idea what I'm on about. If you want to learn how to explode things, crush things, cause things harm, or whatever random things you need, I'm your girl. If you want to know about anything that you will actually USE in life, go somewhere else.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it . . .

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water!

He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it.
She Said: You wear pants don't you?

"Sir, we're surrounded!"
"Excellent, we can attack in any direction!"