woman comebacks;

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing

Man:Aren't you tired baby? You've been running in my mind all day.
Woman:Yeah, I know. I've been trying to find a way out.

FRIEND: will walk into your house after ringing the doorbell or knocking,
BEST FRIEND: will walk in and yell,"I'm home!"

FRIEND: will call your parents by their first names,and grandma and grandpa by their last/first names BEST FRIEND: will call them MOM and DAD, GRAMS AND GRANDPA

FRIEND: will tell you that your a great singer even if you're terrible, BEST FRIEND: will tell you that you suck.

FRIEND: will give you a shoulder to cry on and wipe your tears when you’re rejected BEST FRIEND: will go up to him and say, "It's because you're gay, isnt it?"

FRIEND: will visit you in jail. BEST FRIEND: would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS FREAKING AWESOME'!!

FRIEND: will always be like "well you deserve better". BEST FRIEND: Will call him and say "You have seven days to live and maybe less if I feel like it"

FRIEND: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIEND: loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIEND: always ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIEND: helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food

FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night BEST FRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and herself in the process

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when you’re not down anymore

FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and say nice to meet you BEST FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and scare the crap out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts you

FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying BEST FRIENDS: Already has a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Will help you move BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body

FRIENDS: helps you up when you fall BEST FRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much, retard?"

FRIENDS: gives you their umbrella in the rain BEST FRIENDS: takes yours and says, "RUN, LOSER, RUN!"

FRIENDS: Tell you that you look nice. BEST FRIENDS: Say your outfit looks like throw up, and then help you find a new one 10 minutes before school starts.

FRIENDS: Say "good luck" when you go get your ears pierced. BEST FRIENDS: Help pick out your studs, take before after pictures of your earlobes, and then put up with the unending questions and mirror-staring.

FRIENDS: Roll their eyes when you start rambling yet again about your boyfriend (the fourth time that night). BEST FRIENDS: Start gushing with you.

FRIENDS: Smile when you get obsessed with something. BEST FRIENDS: Get obsessed with you.

FRIENDS: Say "sees you later!" BEST FRIENDS: Say "I LUUUUUHHHVVV you! DON'T LEAAVVEE!" and then tackle/hugs you.

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Forgives you. BEST FRIENDS: Hold a fake grudge against you until you let them borrow a hair band.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about you

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what everyone else is doing BEST FRIENDS: Will find the crowd that left you and kick their butts

FRIENDS: Tell jokes with you. BEST FRIENDS: Have countless inside jokes with you.

FRIENDS: Tell you that you're the most annoying thing on earth. BEST FRIENDS: Say the same thing, except then they laugh and say "I guess that counts for me too!"

FRIENDS: Annoy you. BEST FRIENDS: Annoy you, but then make you laugh.

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his butt

FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house BEST FRIENDS: the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think you’re insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them BEST FRIENDS: kick your butt and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running through bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!" BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running right with you

FRIENDS: Will ignore this. BEST FRIENDS: Will re-post this crap.