Hello there!

If you're reading this then in all likelihood I just left a pretty lengthy diatribe of a review on one of your stories (or on one of the stories you read) in which I detail its shortcomings. If you're going to get mad about it, remember that I have every right to review your story in as scathing a fashion as I'd like and do try to be open to criticisms. Just eat your humble pie and move on, grow as a writer and improve :)

My favourite stories are everything that I've reviewed thus far, although some may be me under a different name because this account hasn't existed forever. My favourite authors are people who've publically replied to me thus far. The stories I'm following are the stories that I'm reading currently because I don't want to sacrifice all of the websites basic functionality for some stupid iconography. My profile picture is (really quickly done and a bit shoddy) art by me.

Peace and love, One Overly Cynical Bastard.

Stock Criticism Retorts:

If you would like to reply to my review of your story, please take into account the following stock answers before composing your reply to make sure that none of your counter-argument applies. This saves me the time of going over everything multiple times, rebuking the same thing over and over and is much more convenient for the both of us :)

"If you don't like, then don't read" - This doesn't/hasn't/ won't/can't cut it as a response to any criticism, its really just a lazy deflection of any and all negative attention so that the author can continue to fester in their little echo chamber of positive attention and never improve. If you find yourself going for this one, reevaluate your position of review. There is also the slight issue that I wouldn't review a story I didn't like, I just like the story for the "wrong" reasons I guess.

"You're just a hater/flamer AND OR You just spread hate/negativity" - Let's just get this out of the way, I don't hate, I don't flame, I review. It's an important distinction because hating means calling someone a retard or telling them they should die or they don't deserve anything good, whereas reviewing is saying "This is bad, you could do this, this or this. Try to avoid this," etc. See the difference? And as for just spreading hate/negativity, this isn't my only account, it's just the one I use to review things and act like a cynical bastard. I contribute plenty to the community aside from telling people about their crap writing, just this is where I go to do the former.

"Lol you realise I just do this for fun right lolol" Or anything to that effect, usually paired with a statement implying that this excludes them from criticism - I write reviews for fun, so I guess that means you're a hypocrite for criticising me?

"F*ck you," - F*ck you too guy :(

I'll probably add to this list in time.

Number of times blocked thus far: 2

Number of times unblocked thus far: 1

Number of people who deleted their account/story post-review thus far: 1