Important Author's Notes

BEWARE THE SLOWNESS OF MY UPDATES! Seriously, I have a rather random schedule, and random bursts of inspiration, so while I sometimes post several things in a short period, I can end up going ages between updates.

Also, I will not leave an abandoned story up on this page unless that story has a completed companion fic that would make no sense without the abandoned one there to supply context. As of right now, the only incomplete fic I have on this page that is abandoned is Discovered by the Roadside. My other stuff may be very slowly updating, or on hiatus, but has not been abandoned.

Speaking of which, Discovered by the Roadside is up for adoption for anyone who wants to tackle it. There was an adoptee at one point, but they seem to have dropped off the face of the planet without me realizing it. Anyone interested can PM me, and I'll give them what details I still have for the story. Multiple people are free to adopt it, so long as no one copies off another fellow adoptee.

Current adoptee(s): Primessparrowforever

ALSO, APPARENTLY, MOST LINKS TO PLACES OUTSIDE OF FFNET DO NOT WORK, SO TO GET AROUND THIS, I'VE SPACED OUT THE ACTUAL LINKS THEMSELVES. JUST COPY/PASTE, THEN REMOVE THE SPACES UNTIL YOU GET A WORKING ADDRESS.

EPIC LINKS OF AWESOMENESS!!!

For those of you who want to create a decent OC, but don't know where to begin, here's a guide I made to help you.

A Comprehensive Guide to Writing OCs: http : // anasazidarkmoon . deviantart . com / gallery / ?offset=72# / d2rhiv9

Here are a few pics from my Final Fantasy X story, The Makings of a Hero. I did these myself, though.

Charlie: http : // anasazidarkmoon . deviantart . com / gallery / ?offset=120# / dmuq95

Another Pic of Charlie: http : // anasazidarkmoon . deviantart . com / gallery / ?offset=96# / dm1lda

A friend of mine, Violet Lylybelle, has an awesome fic set in The Walking Dead's universe, titled Lone Wolfe. A playlist featuring some of songs that inspired her can be found here. More will be added as needed, so check it out if you're a fan of the story.

About Me

Sex: Female

Age: 36

Height: 5'8"-5'9"

Weight: A lot

Hair: Reddish-Brown

Eyes: Green

Likes: Dragons, Animals, Anime, Manga, Reading, Writing, Drawing, Playing Video Games, Walking around my neighborhood, The colors green, blue, & purple, Magic the Gathering, My dogs, My cat, Role-playing games, Sleeping, YouTube, Cheesecake, Chocolate, Good crackfic

Dislikes: Intentional Ignorance, Extreme Temperatures, Super Cheerful Happy Colors, Most Bugs, Prejudiced People, My accent, Humanity, Being constantly broke, The current economy, Migraines, Writer's block

Favorite Video Games: Final Fantasy VII/VIII/XI/X/X-2/XII, Dirge of Cerberus, Champions of Norrath/Return to Arms, Legend of Dragoon, the Mario series, the Zelda series, the Metroid series, Super Smash Brothers series, Pokemon, Dragonball Z Budokai 1, 2, & 3, Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem, Kingdom Hearts 1 & 2, Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance, dotHACK series, Resident Evil 4 & 5, Digital Devil Saga 1 & 2, Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver, Dark Souls series, Bloodborne, Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time, Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story, The Last of Us, SoulCalibur 2 & 3

Favorite Anime/Manga: Inuyasha, Sailor Moon, Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Dragonball/Z, YuYu Hakusho, Case Closed, Gundam Wing, Akira, Escaflowne (movie & show), Vampire Hunter D, Witch Hunter Robin, Wolf's Rain, Outlaw Star, FullMetal Alchemist, Ronin Warriors, Tenchi Muyo, Cromartie High School, s-CRY-ed, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Akira, Naruto, Furi Kuri (or however it is spelled), Ninja Scroll, Macross Plus, Bleach, Trinity Blood, Azumanga Daioh, Samurai Deeper Kyo, Yotsuba&!, Because I'm the Goddess!, Princess Ai, Parasyte, Uzumaki, One Punch Man

Favorite Authors: David Eddings, Mercedes Lackey, Terry Goodkind, J.K. Rowling, Anne McCaffery, Robert Jordan, Weis & Hickman, Piers Anthony, R.A. Salvatore, J. R. R. Tolkien, Clive Barker, Stephen King, JoAnne Bertin, Elizabeth Kerner, Naomi Novik, C. L. Wilson, James Rollins, Neil Gaiman, Kristen Britain, Melanie Rawn, Max Brooks, Harry Turtledove, James Patterson, George R. R. Martin, R. S. Belcher, Edgar Alan Poe, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Anne Bishop, Jacqueline Carey, Marion Zimmer Bradley/Diane Jane Paxson, Anne Rice

Favorite Movies: Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, The Rock, Con Air, Man on Fire, Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2, Armageddon, LotR, PotC, Ever After, Spider-Man 1 & 2, Bruce Almighty, Evan Almighty, Mulan, most of Adam Sandler's movies, the Blade movies, Braveheart, The Patriot, Head of State, the Alien and Predator movies, Beauty and the Beast, Wall-E, Kung Fu Panda, Monsters vs. Aliens, The Boondock Saints, The Boondock Saints II: All Saints' Day, The Astronaut Farmer, Meet Joe Black, 300, Watchmen, V for Vendetta, Dawn of the Dead (2004), Land of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Zombieland, the Star Trek movies, most of the Star Wars movies, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Coraline, The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Robocop 1 & 2, Boat Trip, Road Trip, Eurotrip, Serenity, The 40 Year-Old Virgin, Superbad, Pineapple Express, The Last Samurai, I Am Legend, Hancock, Bad Boys 1 & 2, The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, Event Horizon, the Transformers movies, Silent Hill, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Kick-Ass, Death at a Funeral...the list goes on.

Favorite Guys: Vincent Valentine (FFVII), Sephiroth (FFVII), Squall Leonheart (FFVIII), Zell Dincht (FFVIII), Auron (FFX), Nooj (FFX-2), Gippal (FFX-2), Sesshomaru (Inuyasha), Alberich (Mercedes Lackey), Spike (Cowboy Bebop), Lavitz (Legend of Dragoon), Albert (LoD), Hiei (YYH), Youko (YYH), Seto Kaiba (YGO), Yami Yugi (YGO), Nicholas Wolfwood (Trigun), Vegeta (DBZ/GT), Mirai Trunks (DBZ), Duo Maxwell (Gundam Wing), Zechs Merquise/Milliardo Peacecraft (Gundam Wing), Amon (WHR), Scar (FMA), Roy Mustang (FMA), Maes Hughes (FMA), Greed (FMA), Hatake Kakashi (Naruto), Iruka (Naruto), Balthier (FFXII), Basch (FFXII), Pretty much every male character in Bleach (except that block of wood, Sosuke Aizen), Leroy Jethro Gibbs (NCIS), Jimmy Palmer (NCIS), Shane Walsh (The Walking Dead), Daryl Dixon (The Walking Dead), Frank Castle (Daredevil/Punisher), Aaron Hotchner (Criminal Minds), Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds), Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock), John Watson (Sherlock), Atomic Samurai (OPM), Boros (OPM), Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer) Amenadiel (Lucifer)

Favorite Gals: Tifa Lockheart (FFVII), Rose (Legend of Dragoon), Freya Crescent (FFIX), Quistis Trepe (FFVIII), Yuna (FFX), Paine (FFX-2), Sango (Inuyasha), Kerowyn (Mercedes Lackey), Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV (Cowboy Bebop), Millie Thompson (Trigun), Videl (DBZ), Lucrezia Noin (Gundam Wing), Izumi Curtis (FMA), Raven (Teen Titans), Hyuga Hinata (Naruto), Fran (FFXII), Penelo (FFXII), Pretty much every female character in Bleach, All the girls in Azumanga Daioh (except that annoying cow, Tomo), Pandora (Because I'm the Goddess!), Abby Sciuto (NCIS), Carol Peletier (The Walking Dead), Michonne (The Walking Dead), Penelope Garcia (Criminal Minds), Molly Hooper (Sherlock), Mary Watson (Sherlock), Tatsumaki/Tornado (OPM), Fubuki/Blizzard (OPM), Chloe Decker (Lucifer), Ella Lopez (Lucifer), Dr. Linda Martin (Lucifer), Mazikeen Smith (Lucifer)

Characters I Just Like: Vivi Ornitier (FFXI), Cougar (s-CRY-ed), Alex Louis Armstrong (FMA), Hohenheim Elric (FMA), Wrath (FMA), Luigi (The Mario Games), Bowser (The Mario Games), Volke (Fire Emblem: PoR), Naesala (Fire Emblem: PoR), Koga (Inuyasha), Kirara (Inuyasha), Rin (Inuyasha), Toboe (Wolf's Rain), Neville Longbottom (Harry Potter), Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter), Severus Snape (Harry Potter), Gimli (LOTR), Kuwabara Kazuma (YYH), Quina Quen (FFIX), Amarant Coral (FFIX), Rock Lee (Naruto), Aburame Shino (Naruto), Jiraiya (Naruto), Larsa (FFXII), Shifu (Kung Fu Panda), Temeraire (The Temeraire Series), Freddie (Cromartie High School), Mechazawa (Cromartie High School), Matsun (Because I'm the Goddess!) Takeshi "Jumbo" Takeda (Yotsuba&!), Yotsuba Koiwai (Yotsuba&!), Optimus Prime (Transformers), Hershel Greene (The Walking Dead), Dale Horvath (The Walking Dead), Jason Gideon (Criminal Minds), Franklin "Foggy" Nelson (Daredevil), Wilson Fisk (Daredevil), Mycroft Holmes (Sherlock), Mrs. Hudson (Sherlock), Saitama (OPM), Genos (OPM), Bang/Silverfang (OPM), Bomb (OPM), Garo (OPM), Puri Puri Prisoner (OPM), Trixie Decker (Lucifer)

Pairings I Like: First of all, I just want everyone to know that I'll read the vast majority of pairings, as long as they're well-written, but here's some of the ones I particularly enjoy.
1. Virtually all canon pairings
2. Yaoi and Yuri (I have an open mind, so deal with it)
3. Any well-written OC pairing (OC DOES NOT automatically mean Mary Sue/Gary Stu!)
4. Just about anything in a Humor/Parody. Okay, here we go...

Scar/Lust (FMA), Scar/Human and Adult!Al (FMA), Greed/Martel (FMA), Scar/Riza(FMA), Reno/Yuffie (FFVII), Sephiroth/Yuffie (FFVII), Vincent/Elena (FFVII), Reeve/Aeris (FFVII), Lucil/Elma (FFX), Clasko/Calli (FFX-2), Hiei/Kurama (YYH), Kakashi/Iruka (Naruto), Any Gundam Wing pairing, Draco/Ginny or Hermione (HP, but only in parody), Snape/Sinistra (Harry Potter), Harry/Hermione (Harry Potter), Harry/Luna (Harry Potter), Harry/Luna/Hermione (Harry Potter) Basch/Ashe (FFXII), Scar/Lust (FMA), Armstrong/Rose (FMA), Hinata/Jiraiya (Naruto), Hinata/Naruto (Naruto), Shikamaru/Temari (Naruto), Bowser/Peach (Mario), Luigi/Daisy (Mario), Retsu Unohana/Kenpachi Zaraki (Bleach), Daryl/Carol (The Walking Dead), Rick/Michonne (The Walking Dead), Nephrite/Naru (also known as Neflyte/Molly in the English dub of Sailor Moon), Frank Castle/Karen Page (Daredevil), Sherlock Holmes/Molly Hooper (Sherlock), Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb (Pacific Rim)

Pairings I Hate: Okay, while I do try to keep an open mind about pairings, here are some I absolutely REFUSE to read...

ANY SORT OF INCEST, Harry/Voldemort, Snape, Dumbledore, Draco, WHOEVER! (HP); Draco/Snape (HP), Sirius/James/Remus (HP), Scar/Envy, Ed, Mustang...(FMA), Hughes/Mustang (FMA), Mustang/Havoc, Breda, Falman, Fuery...(FMA), Envy/Greed (FMA), Envy/Ed (FMA), Gatta/Luzzu (FFX), Auron/Tidus (FFX), Kakashi/Gai (Naruto), Spike/Jet (Cowboy Bebop), Tsume/Kiba (Wolf's Rain), Gaara/Lee (Naruto), Larsa/Al-Cid (FFXII), Balthier/Vaan (FFXII), Daryl/Beth (The Walking Dead)

Quotes:
You wouldn't believe the things you can make with the common, simple items lying around on your planet...which reminds me: you're going to need a new microwave. -- Orlin "Stargate: SG1"

All your precious popularity amounts to nothing because, in the end, we're all worm food! -- Me, after watching an episode of "Paranoia Agent"

Bodies are for hookers and fat people! -- Bender "Futurama"

Dr. James is going to write you a prescription for a self-kicking ass! -- My brother, James

I'm normally a nonviolent person, but if you don't quit, I'll rip your spine out and beat you to death with it! -- Me, yelling at James

I said, "WOO...HOO!" -- Homer Simpson

You're like MacGyver with estrogen! -- Prue "Charmed"

... -- Rude "Final Fantasy VII"

Jesus this, Moses that, Abraham hit me with a Whiffleball Bat... -- Adrian, disguised as an Archbishop "Little Nicky"

Once Sparhawk knows exactly where she is, he'll fall on Scarpa and his father like a vengeful mountain. -- Aphrael "The Hidden City"

He has the weapons, he has the connections, and he knows the hangar's dark secret.-- MTG card "Arms Dealer"

I jammed the whatsit into the whackdoodle, but I think I broke the thingamajigger. -- MTG card "Krark Clan Engineers"

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is no man so good, who, were he to submit all his thoughts and actions to the laws, would not deserve hanging ten times in his life. -- Michel de Montaigne

If I woke up looking like that, I would run toward the nearest living thing and kill it. -- Master Shake "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"

Oh, give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in...places! -- Robot Devil "Futurama"

I was sort of considering going along. Sparhawk might let me hold his cloak while he kicks in the gate. I don't think anybody's assaulted Hell lately. -- Vanion "The Ruby Knight"

You want an explanation? GOD...IS...PISSED! -- Brian "Family Guy"

You poor thing...you're a sin against nature and your body's in so much pain... Almighty god who shapes us all, please return these scarred souls to your unending womb...-- Scar "Fullmetal Alchemist"

You can't kill an unarmed upside-down man! -- Dr. McKay "Stargate Atlantis"

Don't you run, Needles! -- Tidus "Final Fantasy X"

Gluttony is like a giant puppy...that eats people. -- Ieva, referring to the homunculus from "Fullmetal Alchemist"

Scar is armed and dangerous! -- Ieva, referring to Scar from "FMA"

I'm as normal as they come and this is a contest of freaks! What do you want me to do, fire my slingshot at him? -- Maes Hughes "Fullmetal Alchemist"

Now my arm's fallen off, too! -- Alphonse Elric "Fullmetal Alchemist"

Hind-legged Slasher Man! -- Scar, in Sin the Dark Priestess' fic, "Tequila Sunrise: Bloodshot Eyes"

I dreamt I was a moron. -- Squall Leonheart "Final Fantasy VIII"

May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce -- The Six Maidens "Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past"

Faye-Faye! Smoke-smoke, Faye-Faye! Puff-puff, Faye-Faye! -- Ed "Cowboy Bebop"

Bonsai, bok-choy, wise-guy, waterboy, lights shine bright in the old town tonight! -- Ed "Cowboy Bebop"

Ma'am, you were just the victim of a New York City mugger. As I suspected, he was a coward and a weakling, and also wore more cologne than any man should wear. -- Longfellow Deeds "Mr. Deeds"

The hideousness of that foot will haunt my dreams forever. -- Emilio "Mr. Deeds"

Yes, I shall go down in history as "The Man Who Opened a Door". -- Leonardo DaVinci "Ever After"

Greed is a real hard-ass! -- James

I don't think he saw us...he was too busy trying to put his pants on! -- my sister, Felicia

The dead have liberty and justice for all. -- Felicia

It's like a tickled Cap'n Crunch! -- Felicia

Give me that, you foul word! -- Felicia

You know, it's a good thing you're not a big fat guy or this would be REALLY difficult! -- Kuzco "The Emperor's New Groove"

I kill, therefore I am! That's all the proof I need to know that I exist! -- Barry the Chopper "Fullmetal Alchemist"

Call Baka-Baka and tell him we have some cluck-cluck! -- Mom

I think I'd like to be a gigolo. -- Nanny (a.k.a. my grandmother)

You've got until the count of five before I start throwing sharp objects. -- Volke "Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance"

Squee! Teehee, teehee! -- Samantha

I'll break your arms off and use 'em like nunchucks! -- Alan

Sometimes I envy the dead. -- Me

Mine! Mine! Mine! -- Seagulls "Finding Nemo"

Why don't you shut up before I slit your throat and watch the dust come out! -- Caretaker "The Longest Yard"

The only cure for stupidity is a bullet. -- Me

You look like a Man-o-Lantern! -- David "The 40-Year Old Virgin"

I see you're still fatter than holy hell. -- Carter Pewterschmidt "Family Guy"

Jaganshi, would you be so kind as to tell me why exactly you are molesting a statue? At one o'clock in the morning? -- Severus Snape, in JoIsBishMyoga's fic "The Best Defense"

What? My balls aren't there! -- Tachibana "s-CRY-ed"

You remind me of Vienna Sausages...all crammed together, but take 'em out of the can and they're STILL thinking about each other! -- James

You need hearing problems! -- James

If I had known my heart would break, I wouldn't have dropped it on the floor. -- James

I know where I'm going, I just don't know how to get there! -- James

Oh my God, Envy turned Wrath into a rabid badger! -- Me

The State Alchemist Killer Melvin...ooh, scary! -- Me

The only difference between insanity and fanaticism is medication. -- Me

Oh dear, my taco ruptured. -- Me

If you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. -- God "Futurama"

You can't count on God for jack! He told me so himself! Now come on, if we don't save those monks, no one will!" -- Bender "Futurama"

I spell yay "W-E"! -- Felicia

Zankoku na tenshi no youni... Shounen yo shinwa ni nare... -- Opening lyrics to "Neon Genesis Evangelion"

Like an angel without a sense of mercy, rise young boy to the heavens as a legend... -- Translation of opening lyrics

The brave do not fear the grave. -- The Battle Arena floor "Final Fantasy VII"

Look, it's Muslim kryptonite! -- Some kid on "Wonder Showzen"

Why don't you make like a tree...and get the fuck out of here! -- Doc "The Boondock Saints"

Well, I'm in business...business of kicking your ass...and let me tell you, business is booming! I'm open for business...business of giving you the business! -- Meatwad "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"

I am the blade of vengeance. They dare only whisper my name: Yojimbo. -- Yojimbo "Final Fantasy X"

A puppet that can no longer be used is mere garbage. -- Majora's Mask "The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask"

Home is where you can find a decent graveyard and strangers can disappear without any awkward questions. -- MTG card "Braids, Cabal Minion"

Slow and steady may not always win the race, but at least it doesn't end up splattered all over the walls. -- MTG card "Overeager Apprentice"

The Boros legionnaire saw a noble sacrifice, the Rakdos thug a blazing suicide, and the Izzet alchemist an experiment gone awry. -- MTG card "Fiery Conclusion"

My soul needs cough drops. -- Me

I will never blend in! I have a broken blender! -- Pepito "Dr. Doolittle 2"

I don't do fear. -- Raven "Teen Titans"

The people and the friends that we have lost, or the dreams that have faded...never forget them. -- Yuna "Final Fantasy X"

I'm either a Sasquatch or a midget! -- Felicia

You shut your mouth when you're talking to me! -- Lady on "The Wedding Crashers"

Only one who renounces everything possesses the strength to transcend anything. -- Trema "Final Fantasy X-2"

I don't like your plan. It sucks. -- Yuna "Final Fantasy X-2"

You are free to sever the chains of fate that bind you. -- The Legend of Dragoon

When Dragoons meet, blood will flow, and as they leave, time does slow. -- Rose "The Legend of Dragoon"

The only difference between you and smart people is smart people know more stuff. -- Chris "Freddie"

I'm what you colonials might call a "bad-assed motherfucker"...who also happens to be an expert in the delicate art of Japanese flower arranging. -- Lloyd "Boat Trip"

I'm a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar. -- Wash "Serenity"

You should never judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes...then you're a mile away and you have their shoes. -- A t-shirt I saw

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. -- Another t-shirt

Death on a leaf! -- Hitch "Hitch"

I believe we have already established that "cucaw-cucaw" and "tuki-tuki" don't work. -- Harry Block "Evolution"

Don't you have someone else you can annoy? Friends? Family? Poisonous reptiles? -- Manny "Ice Age"

It's better to be hated for who you are than be loved for who you're not. -- From the Van Zandt song "Help Somebody"

I was just violated by a barnyard animal! -- Roy O'Bannon "Shanghai Knights"

With my flame, I will burn him to the bone! -- Koume "Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time"

With my frost, I will freeze him to his soul! -- Kotake "Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time"

Broomstick Butt-Rubbers...for the gay man in all of us. -- James

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. -- A sign at Zaxby's

They're a lot more worried that --oh-- a bird will crap on you and you'll level the palace. -- Tantras "Magic's Promise"

I've got a ladder in my hand and I'll throw it! -- Uncle Pat

This is my story, and you're not part of it. -- Auron "Kingdom Hearts 2"

Pinako...my house is gone. -- Hohenheim "Fullmetal Alchemist Manga"

Warning: Insane Sasquatch Bastard imminent. Avoid at all costs. If it gets in eyes, flush immediately with warm water. -- Me, in a review

Greed is such a case of sex on legs... -- Skatanic (is on deviantart)

Scar is a sexy, panda-fearing hobo! -- Me, after reading yet more manga

Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. -- Joe, a.k.a. Skipper "Madagascar"

Hoho the Doughnut Show! Watch out! Look at him go! -- James

Don't have sex...because you WILL get pregnant. And die. -- Coach Carr "Mean Girls"

Men should not interfere in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup. -- I honestly don't know, but it definitely isn't mine

And on your left you can see a herd of dangerous College Students; watch out, they bite. -- Ieva

I heard an animal make a noise like that one time and they rolled it over and it was dead! -- Ramon "Happy Feet"

I will not die a monster. -- Otto Octavius "Spiderman 2"

Silly mortal! Fire is for gods! -- James

No more thinking; it's time for pie! -- Me

Let me get a piece of cheese before I do something drastic! -- Me

And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many. -- Bible, Mark 5:9

I do believe you killed my hat. -- Urahara "Bleach"

Words of wisdom usually come from people who have no idea what the hell they're talking about. -- Me

Yay! I've become a Weapon of Mass Destruction! -- Andy

It's Chicago, but it's pronounced "Chihuahua"! -- James

If we had wenching in modern times, it would be called "Game". -- James

I like to think that the last thing that passed through his head--other than that bullet--was to wonder how the hell Andy Dufresne ever got the best of him. -- Red "The Shawshank Redemption"

LA BOCA! -- Austin

Oodles de boodles kept top the noodles. -- Austin

Flying Penis! -- Austin, while playing as Luigi on "Super Smash Brothers Melee"

When there is no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the earth. -- Some guy on TV "Dawn of the Dead"

Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no time during your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. -- Pissed-off School Guy "Billy Madison"

Run dream: run on. Pass beyond the waking, and walk into the daylight. -- Yojimbo "Final Fantasy X"

There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present. -- Oogway "Kung Fu Panda"

That's Daddy! He's not God! -- My cousin, Amber

Religion is like getting new clothes. Most people keep the clothes their parents give them. Some will go shopping for new clothes. After spending a great deal of time, they'll return home with a mix-and-match outfit and feel satisfied. The last remaining few deem clothes illogical and unnecessary and go naked. -- I don't know, but it sounded cool

Get out of the car! There's a road coming! -- Christina

I'll poke you in the titty with my eye! -- Christina

The battle is over. Now all you have to do is bayonet the survivors. -- Mr. Dean

Not now! We're still on the plane, you dumbass! -- Major William Lennox "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

My father was a wheel! The first wheel! You know what he transformed into? NOTHING! But he did it with honor! Dignity, damn it! -- Jetfire "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

A bear, a lion, and a pig all meet. The bear says "When I roar in the forest, the entire forest shakes with fear." The lion says, "When I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me." The pig says, "Big deal. I only have to cough and the entire planet shits itself." -- Anonymous (I found it on Transformerlover95's profile)

Hooray, I’m a llama again! Wait… -- Kuzco “The Emperor’s New Groove”

Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing. -- Optimus Prime "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

I'd be disappointed if you weren't doing something doom related. -- Andy

OK, look, we're a partnership, but we're a partnership with boundaries. We got a new rule. From now on you can't say the word "flaccid" to me. This is our little boundary box. We're gonna take the word "flaccid" and put it in there with my mom's titties and your erection problems, and we gonna close this box and we gonna throw this bitch in the ocean. And the only way that you can get to this box is you gotta be motherfuckin' Jacques Cousteau. -- Mike Lowery “Bad Boys II”

Now that's how you supposed to shoot. From now on, that's how you shoot! Oh man, I want my next partner to shoot like that. Whoo! It takes a dysfunctional motherfucker to bust somebody in the head like that. That's some dysfunctional shit! My next partner's gonna invite me to his barbecues and shit, though. -- Mike Lowery "Bad Boys II"

Welcome. Please be advised that there is a 12-foot mech-ninja roaming the area. He is not friendly, and if encountered, you will most certainly die. Thank you, and have a nice day. -- Me

Flamethrowers: because someone once thought "I'd really like to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done." -- A poster on verydemotivational.com

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. -- The Bible, Isaiah 40:31

It's kinda like a tasty virus. -- Faecat

Three guys in the car, rave music, no girls, I’m not gonna judge, but I swear to Christ that if you don’t pull over and give yourselves up, quietly, your head is going up the driver’s ass, his head is going up your ass, and you, you drew the short straw, because your head is going up my ass. -- Hancock, “Hancock”

Ding-dong, motherfuckers! Ding-dong! -- Romeo "Boondock Saints II: All Saints' Day"

All the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!', and I'll look down, and whisper 'no.' -- Rorschach “Watchmen”

Did he just go crazy and fall asleep? -- Wash "Firefly"

Las muerjas se sentarán en la sección de no fumar. -- Me, in Spanish class ages ago. (Translation: The dead sit in the nonsmoking section.)

I mean every word I ever say, ever, because I'm...Harry...Potter! -- Harry Potter, in the Potter Puppet Pals episode, “Wizard Swears”

Cling tenaciously onto my buttocks! -- MadRaven

I think on the way here, some alien zapped you with a stupid ray…twice. -- Ratchet, in Starseeded’s fic “Barricade Surprise”

Reading fanfic is like panning for gold in a sewage pipe...you gotta dig through a lot of shit before you find the real treasure. -- Me

Honey, I’m straight and I’d fuck Jacob! -- Jason

A man who inflicts suffering cannot rest. His guilty mind won't allow it. But today...I can finally close my eyes to the living nightmare...and lay down knowing I won't wake again. -- Scar "Fullmetal Alchemist"

Bootstrap totally shanked the J-Nor! -- The Dork of York

Happiness comes in shades of grey. -- James

Eleven gold won’t buy you a Resurrect. -- Shawn, a.k.a. Bob

Starscream thinks he’s all that and a bag of chips, but all he is is a stale Dorito. -- Me

Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. -- Margaret Mead

I am the Cursed Wormy Arm…no, wait. I am the Cursed Demon Armor! Once your flesh becomes one with my steel, you will lose all emotion and become a warrior of death, for I shall take your soul! -- Alphonse Elric, “Fullmetal Alchemist”

I should avoid casting any spells tonight, if only to give the laws of physics time to cry alone in the corner. -- Vaarsuvius “The Order of the Stick”

No, no, no…you have writing to do. You can die later. -- Faecat

If they projected the fact that they are dangerous any harder, there would be little puddles of “danger” on the floor around them. Look, it’s “danger,” don’t step in it! -- T’fyrr “The Eagle and the Nightingale”

Sorry, readers, but I can't finish the story, as my chapter ending suffered a massive bout of teenage rebellion and ran away from home to elope with my plotline. -- Me

Kirk! The horny space-pirate guy! -- James

Crushed and broken beneath an unconscious naked child...yep, I think I'm done here. -- Vegeta "Dragonball Z: Abridged"

Oh yeah! Intercontinental Ballistic Facepalm! -- James

Seriously, five ancient sages of bitchdom all gathered on the peaks of Mount Bitch one day to proclaim your birth. Then a hundred years later, when all the bitch-stars all aligned, you were born and made everyone's life around you a living hell because you are such a BITCH! -- Krillin "Dragonball Z: Abridged"

When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the Earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return. -- Leonardo da Vinci

It's raining man-juice!
Hallelujah? -- Catherine & Sara "CSI"

Hey, I don't have to sit here and be insulted!
That's right, you could ride off and let us insult you behind your back like we were doing already. -- Skif & Elspeth "Arrow's Fall"

I'm as human as the next man.
I WAS the next man! -- Jones Sr. & Indy "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade"

Your God has abandoned you.
My God is with me always. -- Possessed Unas & Simon "Stargate: SG-1"

I'd probably look like a jackass if I even suggested it.
Only a jackass can change the world. -- Gippal & Auron "Final Fantasy X-2"

Is your order on the screen correct?
I don't know! It's covered with paper! -- McDonalds Drive-Thru Guy & Felicia

So you're having the child out of wedlock?
No, I'm having it outside. -- Me & Felicia

Are you calling me gay?
No, no, I just thought you could use some extra seamen on your poop deck! -- Carter & Peter "Family Guy"

Think we need a password?
How about "Kick...it's...ass!" -- Rikku & Paine "Final Fantasy X-2"

Why didn't you answer your cellphone?
I was falling off the ladder. -- Jessica & Nash "One Life to Live"

Hark! What yonder window breaks?
The one you threw the rock through! -- James & Mom

If you print that, it's slander!
It is not, I resent that! Slander's spoken; in print, it's libel. -- Peter Parker & J. Jonah Jameson "Spiderman"

How do you spell "wife"?
Kid, you spell it W-H-O-R-E. -- The Kid & Hayes "Seraphim Falls"

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
I don't know. Were you thinking "Holy shit, holy shit, a swordfish almost went through my head"? If so, yes. -- Max & the Chief "Get Smart"

These men are in criminal violation of the Environmental Protection Act, and this explosion is the result of it!
Your MOTHER! -- Walter Peck & Egon Spengler "Ghostbusters"

You like Seymour!
He needs serious mental help!
Yeah, but you like him anyway.
That's because I love mentally ill people! -- Me & Felicia

Uh-oh!
Don't tell me...we're about to go over a huge waterfall.
Yep.
Sharp rocks at the bottom?
Most likely.
Bring it on. -- Pacha & Kuzco "The Emperor's New Groove"

And shepherds we shall be,
For thee, my lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from thy hand,
That our feet may swiftly carry out thy command.
And we shall flow a river forth unto thee,
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In nomine Patri, et Filii, et Spiritu Sancti -- The McManus Family Prayer "The Boondock Saints"

Is that what the trainees call you?
Oh, that they call me, other things among. And "Great Stone-Face," or "Herald Stone-Heart. They take me, perhaps, for granite.
Was that a joke I just heard? A pun?"
Not possible. No sense of humor have I. All know this. -- Talamir & Alberich "Exile's Honor"

When you're sad, it always seems to rain.
Lots of people are sad when it rains.
It rains because you're sad, baby. -- K & Laura "Men in Black 2"

Is the future of our race not worth a single human life?
You'll never stop at one! I'LL TAKE YOU ALL ON! -- Megatron & Optimus Prime "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

Agent DiNozzo, what in the name of Primus compelled you to attempt car surfing with my twins?
Uh, the power of Christ? -- Optimus Prime & Anthony DiNozzo, in Gixxer Pilot's Transformers/NCIS fic "Alienated"

Do you hear that screaming?! Do you hear that screaming?!
Oh, they'll stop screaming when they die. -- Tanya & Jason

The roof, the roof, the roof is more dramatic!
We don’t need no monsters, let the motherfucker fall…fall, motherfucker, fall! -- Me & Faecat

Strawberries are good for you!
Name a fruit that isn’t.
…Elton John? -- Felicia, Me, & James

You really dream about world domination?
Not all the time. -- Jack Carter & Nathan Stark, Eureka

What the hell were you thinking?
I did NOT get out of the car!
Don't you EVER do that again! ...now you've got something to write home about, Palmer. -- Leroy Jethro Gibbs & Jimmy Palmer, NCIS

And who was holding the gun to your head?
My conscience? -- Me & Mario

You masturbate more than anyone else on the planet!
Shit, everyone knows that! Tell me something no one knows!
When you do it, you’re thinking about guys!
…not all the time. -- Rufus & Jay, Dogma

I am the fire of the western sea
I am the child of the earth
I sing to the sun, but the moon sings to me
My mother was born at my birth -- The Mad Prophet "Jericho Moon"

The Lord bless thee, and keep thee:
The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:
The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. -- The Bible, Numbers 6:24-26

Button, oh button, oh where hast thou fled?
Didst thee tarry too long amongst fabric and thread?
Didst thou roll from my bosom and cease to exist?
How I wish I could follow thee into the mist. -- Severus Snape, the Potter Puppet Pals episode “Snape’s Diary”

But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun!
Yeah, his shenanigans are just cruel and tragic.
Which makes them not shenanigans at all, really.
EVIL shenanigans!
I swear to God I’ll pistol-whip the next guy who says “shenanigans”!
Hey, Farva? What’s the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls, and the mozzarella sticks?
You mean Shenaniganz? You’re talking about Shenaniganz, right? -- Mack, Ramathorn, Foster, Captain O’Hagan, & Farva “Super Troopers”

Well, he’s no Chuck Norris…
You bring that golden calf bullshit into this House of Brando one more time and I swear I will discipline you. -- Jared Kowalski & The Commander “Manly Guys Doing Manly Things”

Martin, aide-moi! Martin, niaise pas!
I'm sorry, I don't understand you.
Fuck you!
Right language, wrong words. -- David Bouchard & Martin Ward "Bon Cop Bad Cop"

I've been stabbed and blown up, too...and dumped by the only girlfriend I ever had.
Same. But you know the difference? When mine left, she took all my money. When yours left, she took all her money. -- Yamcha & Krillin "Dragonball Z: Abridged"

First of all, I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing business with a giant carrying a shotgun. -- James Munroe "The Expendables"

I always hear 'punch me in the face' when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext. -- John Watson "Sherlock"

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. -- The Bible, John 15:13

I may be on the side of the angels, but don't think for one second that I am one of them. -- Sherlock Holmes "Sherlock"

Speed of light and strength of all
The Ginyu Force shall make them fall!
We're King Cold's army's strongest force
We'll beat them all, secure the course!
If trouble meets us as we pass
WE'LL SHOVE OUR FISTS RIGHT UP THEIR ASS! -- Ginyu Force Battle Creed "Dragonball Z: Abridged"

Hey, guys! Look at me! I'm a talking cat! Can you believe it?
GOD, ARTEMIS, YOU'RE SO LOUD!
Look who's talking.
WHAT'S THAT? CAN'T HEAR YOU AROUND ALL THE COCK IN YOUR MOUTH!
I don't have cock in my mouth right now.
WHA...I WASN'T...UGH, NEVER MIND! -- Artemis, Raye, Amy, Mina "Sailor Moon Abridged"

Oh, sure, you can stay behind. And when I get back, I'm gonna shove my fist so far up your ass that everyone's gonna think, "Wow, that is the whiniest looking puppet I'VE EVER SEEN!"
...what?
The fuck?
SHOULDER! DEEP! CLOUD! -- Tifa, Cloud, Barret "Final Fantasy VII Machinabridged"

And the Dragons' song, so wild and strong
Fell from the sky like rain
Upon my soul; which, watered well, bloomed with a joy no words can tell
Where once was a dusty plain -- Song in the Silence

Now it's time to meet the muses!

Azrael: The Angel of Death, and strangely enough, my Humor muse...probably because of my warped and sometimes childish sense of humor. He's a big smart-ass, and he's tall and pale, with dark hair, a neatly trimmed beard and mustache, and deep blue eyes. I've got a drawing I did of him as my featured deviation on my deviantart page, if you're really that interested in him.

Heron: A highly intelligent eagle-wolf hybrid. He's got the head and body of a Gray Wolf, but talons instead of paws on his forelegs and huge wings. Heron's my all-purpose muse, although he's secretly a big cornball and keeps throwing romantic ideas at me. He and Azrael actually get along quite well and are currently working in tandem on "The Makings of a Hero", as well as some ideas for my upcoming stories. (See below)

Kimbley: Yes, as in the maniac Zolf Kimbley from Fullmetal Alchemist. Apparently, he just showed up one day, and decided that he's going to be my DARK muse. You won't find too much of his stuff here, but he's taken credit for most of the really creepy stuff I've already written.

Randall the Drunken Leprechaun: Umm...he was a muse of mine a long time ago, but disappeared and has only recently returned. He's a stereotypical leprechaun, but doesn't have the Irish accent, and he takes credit for anything I've written where a character is drunk, high, or stranger than normal.

Current Stories

The Makings of a Hero: (Final Fantasy X) Chapter 40 now up! An unfortunate accident occurs and Charlie ends up joining Yuna's pilgrimage. She's never played the game before, however, which means that she has no idea what lies ahead of her. Rated T for mild cursing and violence.

Broken Boundaries: (Final Fantasy X) Chapter 6 now up! After much deliberation, I decided that it'd be best to rewrite this before starting on the sequel. That way I can clean up any grammar/plot/whatever mistakes made in the first one. If you liked the original version, then I'm sure you'll like the new version more.

Predator: (The Walking Dead) Chapter 3 now up! Shane survives his altercation with Rick, but not unchanged. Now dealing with a hunger he cannot explain, the line between man and beast blurs as he relies on those like him to show him the way forward.

Abandoned Stories

Discovered by the Roadside: (Transformers) THIS STORY HAS BEEN ABANDONED, BECAUSE I'VE JUST BEEN SO DISAPPOINTED WITH THE DIRECTION THEY TOOK THINGS AFTER REVENGE OF THE FALLEN. THE ONLY REASON I HAVE NOT TAKEN IT DOWN IS ON ACCOUNT OF ITS COMPANION FIC, SEVEN DAYS OF DEATH, ALREADY BEING COMPLETED. UP FOR ADOPTION.

Completed Stories

Broken Boundaries (Old Version): (Final Fantasy X) The first fic I ever posted! It's pretty rough, considering that I had no beta at the time, but give it a chance if you have time. Ria Summers was an ordinary gas station attendant until the night the monsters appeared. Now she's on a quest spanning across two worlds with a Tonberry, her messed up magic, and a man who can't decide whether he's dead or not! Rated T for profanity and violence.

Gladiator: (Crossovers) My first humor fic! What happens when the "evil" wizard Katz kidnaps random guys from the worlds of SoulCalibur, Yu-Gi-Oh, Inuyasha, and Final Fantasy VII, VIII, and X? Complete and total insanity! Rated M for profanity, perversion, and flat-out weirdness.

Flaming Queen Alchemist: (Fullmetal Alchemist) A oneshot about what happens when Mustang loses a bet. No pairings. Rated T in case Roy in a dress offends people.

Dust Busters: (Fullmetal Alchemist) Winry and Sheska decide to do some detective work and get into something they shouldn't, much to Ed, Al, and Scar's dismay. Rated T for language and some suggestive themes.

The Hawk, the Stray, and the Would-Be Romeo: (Fullmetal Alchemist) A oneshot about events that unfold while Riza walks Black Hayate. Surprise ending inside!

Crime and Punishment: (Kingdom Hearts) A oneshot of how I thought things in a specific scene should have gone.

Low Blow: (Final Fantasy VII) A oneshot in which Reeve is punished because of Cait Sith. Rated M for language.

Showtime!: (Transformers) A oneshot gift-fic for Faecat based on a crack-tastic plotbunny she helped spawn. The Autobots and their NEST comrades bear witness to a rather disturbing event. Rated T for brief mentions of nudity.

Dorito of Doom: (Transformers) A oneshot gift-fic for Gixxer Pilot based on a conversation we had. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe take Starscream's resemblance to a certain snack food a little too seriously. Rated T for safety, and just because I'm used to rating most everything that way.

Crossing: (Transformers) A slightly AU oneshot in which Jazz is alive, and trying to help a boy through a dark time without revealing himself as an alien. Rated T for attempted suicide.

Seven Days of Death: (Transformers) A oneshot companion piece to Discovered by the Roadside. It follows my Decepticon OC, Darklight, through several events set on Earth and Cybertron. Rated M for dark themes.

I know that no one will really care, or anything, but I wrote an FMA song celebrating the death of Brigadier General Basque Gran!

(Sung to the tune of Joy to the World)

Joy to the world!
Gran is dead!
'Cause Scar...blew off...HIS HEAD!
What happened to his body?
Who cares? Let's throw a party!
We'll party all night long!
We'll party all night long!
'Cause Scar did us a favor
And Gran is gone!

If you like the "Zelda" series, and the band "Queen" then go to this link and check out this video!

If you like the Fullmetal Alchemist manga, go check out this amazing video!

If anyone wants to see some of my artwork, go here and tell me what you think: http: // anasazidarkmoon . deviantart . com

And here's the link to my fictionpress account, if anyone wants to read any of my original, non-fanfiction stuff:

(Sees everyone glaring at her) Uh...okay, I'll stop bombarding you with useless information now.