No one's the same person through all time. We all have different sides of ourselves. Some we show, others we hide. Well, this is my dark side. The one that's constantly haunting me, yet others refuse to see it. The one that makes me hate myself, the one that over and over again tries to tear me down. I'm a happy person, believe it or not. The problem is, I don't always believe it myself. You can say that it's only mood-swings but I think it's more than that. Because these thoughts, these dark, longing thoughts, are always with me. I might try to dig them deep down inside of myself, but there still there. So, that's why I decided to write them down instead. Whenever I'm angry or sad, whenever I feel like everything would be much better if I just ended it all, I take my black leather book, and write it all down. And you know what? It makes me happier. It makes me feel like crying and screaming in anger and sorrow isn't entirely useless. And when I write my own, little stupid stories, I return to my black leather book, read the thoughts that once and perhaps still do, haunt my mind, and I use them for my story. So in the end, I only cherish my dark side. I do still have my light side after all.

You might now think, that my stories are only filled with depression and anger, but to me, they're filled with meaning. I write happy and fun stories as well, but this is my pen of dark thoughts. This is my place for all of the stories that the happy and innocent me, would hide away. So that my friends can't see the depressive and lustful girl inside of me. It's awful isn't it? How I try to hide myself. I kind of hate myself for it, but I guess, some things are just better hidden in the dark.

I myself hate it when people post and write things about how horrid and unfair their lives are. You probably do too, and find that what I've written is a load of crap. It is really. But it's true. And I just had to get it out. I doubt anyone's going to read this anyway. But you obviously have, and I'd like you to know that even though I seem totally depressive and maybe even suicidal, I'm not only like this. I'm happy too. I both love and hate life, just like I both love and hate myself. Perhaps you've read or seen The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Well, I'm like Charlie. I'm both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that can be.