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Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have cookies.)

Welp, your here (for some reason) I'm the Productive faffer, time waster extraordinaire. Welcome to my grotto. (If you see Pinkie Pie here, just click her a few times. She should get the message.)

The Assassin's Song: The life of an assassin: questions, the constant threat of death and the fact that you work until you draw your last breath. However, one refuses to be intimidated by death, refuses to live by the rule of 'killer 'till killed' and above all, he refuses to be denied his answers. His question is as follows: who, or what, is behind his final contract? And just where will it lead him?

(MLP universe is property of Hasbro and Lauran Faust. I claim ownership of the Characters Blood Moon, Sand Stalker and all other OCs mentioned. All OCs are free to use, just give me a heads up.)

Fahdon: And there he stood, the newcomer, in silent rage and glory. He stood atop the bones of the Dovah, a blade in his mouth and breathing heavily as magic crackled around him. The dust cleared slowly, his head slowly raising from the corpse he stood upon, a fire raging behind his hard eyes.

"Who are you" Celestia demanded, Twilight trembling beside her.

"Me? I'm the dragon slayer."

(MLP universe is property of Hasbro and Lauran Faust. Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim belong to Bethesda game studios. I claim owner ship to Remus-The Featurless, my Dragonborn. OC is free to use, just give me a heads up.)

Everlasting Duties: (located on SonictheEchidna's profile): After Blaze defeated his mega evil, he resided in Ponyville with the pony of his dreams. But now, something is amiss. He must go to Equestria's alternate reality and defeat the mega evil with the help of another pony, Blood Moon. In cooperation with Productive faffer, we bring you Everlasting Duties!

(MLP universe is property of Hasbro and Lauran Faust. I claim ownership to Blood Moon and Sand Stalker. StE's OC, Blaze, the Overlords and Mega Evil are his own property.)

Frequencies: Something has happened in Equesrtia. Ponies lives saved, criminals behind bars and all thanks to a single pony, yet nopony knows why. All they know is that whoever it is, goes by the name 'The Fox.' However, the dark shape saving the peaceful ponies of Equestria is far from what everypony expected. And far from what anypony wants.

(MLP is property of Hasbro and Lauran Faust. Aiden Pearce and related WATCH_DOGS elements are property of Ubisoft Montreal.)

New Road: I've walked many roads, seen many lands. Followed many symbols. All to find a nation, a history and symbol, I could believe in. Roads have taken me far, further than I believed possible. History taught me otherwise. Message in that; never underestimate the Old World and the gifts-and curses-the land can hide. Found a new road now...not quite as lonely as the last...

(MLP is property of Hasbro and Lauran Faust. Ulysses and related Fallout: New Vegas elements are property of Bethesda Game Studios.)

(In any MLP fics, let's assume whenever I wright 'A tune they/he/she thought they/he/she recognised' we're talking about the MLP them tune. Unless stated otherwise, that is.)

Likes/Dislikes

Let's assume I dislike and like everything and do and don't like. It's funnier that way.

By the nine...

OATH TO NIRN

I'll think of the DRAGONBORN
Every time I shout
And I'll remember ALDUIN
When evil won't win out

PAARTHURNAX will come to mind
If I win an inner battle
I'll think of HEIMSKR if I find
Someone who likes to prattle

SERANA'S who I'll think of
When what's right's worth more than kin
And if someone vows to help me
I'll remember ODAHVIING

I'll think of ERANDUR if there
Is shame within my past
And LYDIA if I meet someone
Loyal to the last

I'll treasure ARNGEIR'S wisdom
When I watch the skies above
I'll weep for poor KARLIAH
If I lose someone I love

I'll grin and think of BRYNJOLF
If I get called 'lass' or 'lad'
And CICERO if someone's strange
And well and truly mad

HADVAR and RALOF I'll recall
When great friends grow apart
I'll honour ULFRIC STORMCLOAK
If there's freedom in my heart

I'll think of MERCER if someone
Is not quite what they seem
If someone's proud and haughty
Then I'll think they're like NAZEEM

I'll think of FARKAS when I meet
A slow but loyal friend
And DERKEETHUS if there's one
Who'll follow to the end

If a dad betrays his daughter
Then I'm thinking of HARKON
And of TULLIUS and KODLAK
When I'm old but fighting on

I'll think anyone's like ASTRID
Who won't leave the past behind
If someone's brave but heartless
Then DELPHINE will come to mind

I'll think of ONMUND and J'ZARGO
And BRELYNA when in school
I'll remember DELVIN MALLORY
When someone's accent's cool

I'll be thinking of AELA
When a woman knows her mind
And of GELEBOR when someone is
The last one of their kind

I'll honour SAVOS AREN
When a noble teacher dies
And I'll remember ESBERN
When I meet a man who's wise

You'll find me thinking of MIRAAK
When pride proceeds a fall
And STORN CRAG-STRIDER if a man
Gives up his life for all

I'll shed a tear for DURNEHVIIR
If I'd hate to be a slave
And GALLUS, SKJOR and ARNBJORN
When love outlasts the grave

I vow to think of TAMRIEL
When I look to the sky
And to honour all its people
Up until the day I die

I make this oath because of just
How legendary they are
I'll pay my tribute to them now
By shouting FUS RO DAH!

...It's beautiful.

Skyflower51.

The Assassin's Song

On those dark weary days and those cold windy nights, pray the assassin will watch over your plight. With blood on his hooves and death in his heart, the assassin will watch over from the end till the start.

With blood on his blade and shrouded in night, the assassin will be there, with his ever silent might. From dawn until dusk and from winter till fall, year after year he will always stand tall.

With blood on his blade and shrouded in night, the assassin will be there, with his ever silent might. From dawn until dusk and from winter till fall, year after year he will always stand tall.

The assassin will watch over all good colts and mares, always listening to there ever hopeful prayers. He will always watch over the weak and the poor, should you ever cross him he'll give you what for.

With blood on his blade and shrouded in night, the assassin will be there, with his ever silent might. From dawn until dusk and from winter till fall, year after year he will always stand tall.

The assassin will be there so silent and still, watching and waiting for the moment until. Those who have wronged you will fall to his blade, and never will he rest till the debt has been paid.

With blood on his blade, and shrouded in night the assassin will be there, with his ever silent might. From dawn until dusk and from winter till fall year after year he will always stand tall...

The story of Ronnie Biggs

They gave me thirty years… an' ah did none…

Spent mah life on the run… with mah bottle of rum…

I outran the law… can't take it more…

Ah lived all mah life… at the edge of a knife…

But mah clock is tickin'… the plot thickenin'…

The walls are closin' in, and mah hair is growin' thin

No more...no more…ah can't take it no more, no more, now that mah life's become a bore…

Ah headed back to mah home… to live mah life alone…

The day that ah die… is feelin' close by…

But the day ah returned… is the day that ah learned…

You can't defy the law for a gig, for this is the story of Ronnie Biggs

Oh no more… no more… no more, no more, ah can't take it no more…

Ranks of the Shadow Weavers (The Assassin's Song)

1. Initiate foal (Taught in the ways of an assassin by more senior assassins. Strictly theoretical.)

2. Initiate colt/filly (Further taught in the ways of an assassin by a more senior assassin. Primarily theoretical, basic practical movement and combat skills.)

3. Initiate stallion/mare (Further taught in the ways of an assassin by a more senior assassin. May continue with theoretical if they wish, primarily practical movement and combat skills.)

4. Apprentice (Taken onto the field by a more senior assassin to learn, practice and use skills in a more practical manner. Cliff note: Apprentices are there to learn, not to partake in assassinations. Avoid involving Apprentices if possible. Any assassins found deliberately involving Apprentices will be summarily punished by the Chapter Leader.)

5. Novice (After completing training and their time as an apprentice, the assassin will rise to the rank of Novice. Novice rank conveys the standard issue belt, sword, standard issue hoof-bow, field supplies and forest green coat. Novices will be able to perform basic and simple contracts under the supervision of a senior assassin, generally the one to have taken them onto the field as an Apprentice.)

6. Learned Novice (Step above the rank of Novice. The Learned Novice is an honorary title, signifying the assassin leaving the rank of the a novice newcomer, and rising to a more respected and significant position. The Learned Novice rank conveys the deep green coat. A Learned Novice will still be accompanied by a more senior assassin, though will be trusted with more of the assassination’s details and given more responsibilities.)

7. Assassin (The rank of Assassin shows that the assassin has reached a more trusted position in the Shadow Weavers, as such, they will be trusted to go at jobs alone. The rank of Assassin conveys a better weapon, leather armour within the coat and the wine-red coat.)

8. Journeyed Assassin (Step above the rank of Assassin. The Journeyed Assassin rank is generally given to an assassin that has held the Assassin rank for at least two years, unless under special circumstances, and shows that the assassin has been successful in his or her duties so far and is well accomplished for his or her rank. The Journeyed Assassin is to be trusted with long-distance contracts. The Journeyed Assassin rank conveys the blood red coat.)

9. Mercenary/Cutthroat/Deaf-step (At this point, assassins will be given a choice of paths to take in the Shadow Weaver. They will be encouraged to take different paths depending on their skills and work-style. The Mercenary is a Shadow Weaver soldier, generally given jobs that require a harder hit or a more intimidating presence. The Mercenary rank conveys the coffee-brown coat and generally a heavier weapon. The Deaf-step rank is reserved for the quietest of assassins; these assassins are generally kept away from assassinations and given jobs that require a lighter touch, such as scouting behind enemy lines, spying and other stealth jobs that do not require murder. The Deaf-step rank conveys the slate-grey coat and smaller weapon, generally a dagger, and are granted a more powerful ranged weapon, such as a blow-gun. The Cutthroat is reserved for the most promising assassins that display a suitable balance of both combat and stealth prowess. The Cutthroat ranking path is generally the most popular but least common of the Shadow Weaver, as they must excel in both fighting and stealth techniques. The rank of Cutthroat conveys the dark blue coat. Cliff note: rank nine assassins are the basis of ‘experienced’ assassins, as such, they are capable of taking on an Apprentice at this point.)

10. Warrior/Murderer/Shadow Tail (Step above the previous ranks. This rank is similar to that of the Journeyed Assassin, though it takes longer to achieve as it shows experience as well as skill. The Warrior rank shows that the assassin has fought hard and is capable of holding his own against multiple opponents. The Warrior rank conveys a stronger weapon, armour and the mud brown coat. The Shadow Tail rank is given to assassins that have successfully infiltrated and escaped numerous strongholds and other enemy bases, when the odds seemed stacked against them. The Shadow Tail rank conveys the ash grey coat. The Murderer rank is by far most difficult to achieve, as it takes numerous assassinations of both silence and combat to obtain. The Murderer rank conveys the navy blue coat and a lighter blade of darkened metal . Cliff note: Murders are to be considered of higher rank than Warriors and Shadow Tails, but still answer to higher ranking assassins.)

11. Enforcer/Reaper/Shroud (The highest hoof-soldier rank. These assassins are to be considered to be of some of the highest ranking assassins, as they have shown great prowess in their respective fields. The Enforcer rank is given to a highly accomplished and respected fighter, generally after a memorable feat of battle. The Enforcer is granted a weapon forged by the Weaver himself and stronger hoof-bow, alongside the oak brown coat. The Shroud rank is granted to only the most silent of assassins, after honing their abilities to such a degree that they could easily sneak up on Celestia herself. The Shroud rank conveys a weapon forged by the Weaver himself and the fog-grey coat. The rank of Reaper is one of the most coveted and respected ranks within the Shadow Weavers, as they are amongst the ranks of some of the most highly skilled and successful assassins of the Shadow Weavers hoof-soldiers. The Reaper rank conveys a weapon forged by the Weaver himself, the midnight blue coat and permission to take charge over the Shadow Weavers under the absence of the Chapter Leader.)

12. Master (The highest rank in the Shadow Weavers. The rank of Master is the most coveted, most desirable and most respected rank of the Shadow Weavers. The Master rank encompasses all three previous ranks, turning the spy, assassin and warrior division into a unifying force. These assassins are generally reserved for only the most dangerous of contracts. The rank of Master conveys the black coat and a personalized weapon. At this point, the assassin is no longer tied to a single chapter, and is authorized to move from chapter to chapter, should they desire, but because of this, Reapers can give them orders when taking control of a chapter in the absence of the Chapter Leader.)

13. Chapter Leader (Chapter Leader is not technically a rank, as it is generally given to retired assassins of high rank. Despite this, the Chapter Leader may remain active but is once again tied to the chapter they lead. When appointed this rank, the assassin may appoint a second and third to advice and take over a chapter when they are on leave or working. They may also appoint a successor. Chapter Leaders are identified by the blood red sash worn across the chest, holding the black symbol of the Shadow Weavers.)

14. The Loom (While not a rank, The Loom is an important part of the Shadow Weaver, so it deserves mention. The Loom is the counsel of Chapter Leaders that sit at the black table, the group of assassins who make the decisions and control the Shadow Weavers as a whole, deciding on what action to take on organisation-affecting circumstances. The Loom answers directly to the Weaver.)

15. The Weaver (The Weaver is the assassin at the very top of the food chain. The Loom answers directly to him, may have their authority undercut by him and are appointed by or cast out by him. The Weaver holds all political power in the Shadow Weavers in a dictator like fashion, even so, The Weaver generally has The Loom run day-to-day operations. The Weaver in known for rarely stepping from the shadows to take direct action, historically, the Weaver has only taken action four times.)

16. Outcast (An Outcast, while not a rank, is still a position in the Shadow Weavers. When an assassin betrays the Shadow Weaver, whatever their rank, they are cast out of the order permanently. A broken blade, symbolizing the broken oath, is forcibly tattooed to their face. The Outcast is granted a white coat and standard issue, novice equipment. An Outcast is given a week for to leave Equestria, but afterwards, a ‘kill on sight’ order is posted, telling all active assassins to kill the Outcast on sight, given that it does not interfere with a contract.)

Stuff I just though I'd add.

"It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank 'a gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses." "Hit it." Elwood and Jake Blues respectively.

"..." The Stig.

"If you don't think, you shouldn't talk." The March Hare.

"The Dude abides..." The Dude.

"Fuck your poshness, I'm a testicle." Buddy of mine.

"Who here is a single-pringle?" "Fuck your pringles, I'm a hula-hoop!" Same buddy.

"Squiggly." Me.

"Fanfuckingdabbydozy." Lee Evans.

Bex, Kren Fundein I finished the Greybeard's 'open gate' shout. (Open, Break Unfurl)

For the lols man, the lols.

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

If all those 'if you can relate to this, copy this to your profile' things annoy you...actually, never mind.

Do you think Castles are emotive?

For now, Productive faffer out.