hiya im maxlight

im 16 and a girl.

my favourite fanfictions are Maximum Ride, Harry Potter, Blue Exorcist, Black Butler, Teen Titans and Pitch Black/Riddick.

I also love to read crossovers.

WHAT TO DO IN AN EXAM……

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "THIS IS STUPID!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how cute the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Masturbate.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.

32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."

34. Fake an orgasm. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #5 moved you, deeply.

35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.

36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.

37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.

38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.

39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if heshe did it.

42. Dress like the professor.

43. If your a boy wear a hot pink dress

44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.

45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras

Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things

Controversial Issues:
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...
Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestions: Defrost.
Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert: Do not turn upside down.
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
On a toboggan: Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.
On a knife sharpener: Caution: knives are sharp.
On a box of aspirin: Do not take if allergic to aspirin.
On a bottle of laundry detergent: Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.
On a muffin packet: Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.
On a mattress: Do not attempt to swallow.

FRIENDS Vs. BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - bitch - run!"

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reasons why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

FRIENDS: Will take the knife, and leave you be.

BEST FRIENDS:Will take the knife, and do a strip check every day for the next 3 years.

You know you lived in 2010when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have a screen name or myspace.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) You read this list, & keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list, you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You actually scrolled back up to check that there was a number 5.
11.) & now you're laughing at your stupidity.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for it. And you know you did. I did.

40 things that make you a Maximum Ride fan

1. You're friends think you're crazy for being obsessed with six flying kids and their talking dog.
2. You see someone in a white lab coat then run off screaming.
3. You've called one of your siblings/friends/family members Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, or Angel.
4. You refuse to talk to anyone who's named Ari.
5. You claim you have wings.
6. You drool when you hear the word 'Fang'.
7. You daydream about meeting the flock.
8. You've reread Maximum Ride about 3 times or more.
9. You look for the flock's theme songs and get excited when you find one that fits perfect...
10. You study about birds.
11. You hate science class/refuse to dissect any type of animal.
12. You have a crush on Iggy or Fang or both.
13. You read Fang's blog daily. Even though you know it's JP talking. (almost everyday)
14. You're waiting for your 'Nick Ride'.
15. You are counting down the days for the next book.
16. You will go to the first opening for the movie, even if it's at midnight. (yeah if my parents let me)
17. You look in the mirror cautiously to make sure your reflection is not an Eraser. (once in a while)
18. You hate dog crates.
19. You think scientists are evil. (not all of them)
20. You argue with people if Max is a girl's name or a guy's.
21. When your spending the night at a friend's, you say you'll take first watch.
22. You've found a new respect for blind people.
23. You think MR is the best series ever and you want to meet James Patterson, author.And kill him.
24. You say 'U and A' a lot. (i wrote it in a bunch of yearbooks)
25. You think you have a Voice like Max.
26. You've gotten your Online Friends hooked on it. (my awesome friends that i email want to read them)
27. You use sarcastic remarks from MR.
28. You know what 'Fax' is. (DUH!)
29. You were one of the characters from MR for Halloween.(want to be this year)
30. You claim to have brain attacks.
31. You protect your thoughts. Angel might be reading them.
32. You give a crazy look to people who don't know what MR is.
33. You daydream of flying.
34. You love chocolate chip cookies.
35. You seriously felt like you were in the book.
36. If you want to become a writer because of MR (im not the best writer and i dont really write i read)
37. If they make a poster, shirt, key-chain, button, anything MR you will buy it. (i dont have that much money, but i wish)
38. If you love Fan-fiction.
39. In school, it's hard to concentrate because you're thinking of Maximum Ride.
40. You want a talking dog.

Things Maximum Ride has Taught Us:

1. Being different is okay.

2. Even the little things can help save the world.

3. Red-heads are evil!! (besids the weasleys of course!!)

4. Love always makes itself known. Even if it takes you five books and fourteen years of your life to see it, it's there.

5. 6-year-olds do have the ability to take over the world.

6. Duct tape is a handy tool if you have a mimicking 8-year-old.

7. The loss of a vet would be a tragedy.

8. Dressing in dark clothes and never talking does not make you emo; it makes you Fang-like.

9. French is the universal language.

10. Fang-sized is an acceptable form of measurement.

11. Count your blessings.

12. Teen magazines don't help you in life or death situations.

13. Nachos and Mountain Dew are proper mind controlling devices.

14. Fang has the power to sum up your life story in nine words.

15. Even a kick-ass, leader of a merry band of mutants like Max can make mistakes.

16. Never get hooked on Valium.

17. The best breed of dogs are talking Scotties!!

18. If one cannot be corrupted by power or money, there's always Snicker's bars.

19. It is okay to sell your soul for a chocolate-chip cookie.

20. Kids are better than adults.

21. You'll know the Apocalypse is coming when Max is wearing a dress.

22. The best cooks are blind pyros.

23. Submarines are tiny tin cans of doom.

24. Desert rat should always be cooked to well-done.

25. School really is an evil place.

26. Teachers really are out to get you.

27. Remember to flap.

28. Only one bird kid could pull off preppy Top-Siders.

29. GIRLS KICK BOYS' BUTTS!!

I smile because I have no idea what's going on.

I'm not short, I'm fun size.

It's a beautiful day... Now watch some idiot screw it up.

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence at something that happened yesterday.

"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff"

"I'm not going to call myself the god of vertically challenged people, I'm a dwarf"

"Odd how easily you can forget your hand is on fire"

"Pandas are awesome because they aren't racist. They're black, white, and Asian."

"Fan-Fic: Because sometimes the author screws up, and things need to be fixed."

"In 2012 I won't be freaking out about THE END OF THE WORLD! I'll be too busy freaking out about THE END OF MAXIMUM RIDE!"

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend than copy this to your profile.

If you have an annoying younger--or older-- sibling, please copy and paste this into your profile.

If random songs pop into your head for no apparent reason, copy and paste this on your profile.

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE, COPY/PASTE THIS ON YOUR PROFILE!!

If you have annoying siblings, copy/paste this on your profile!

If you're one of the few people who actually reads profiles, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love Harry Potter, copy this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing, or a combination of both, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fan fiction copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever snuck on fan fiction when you were supposed to be doing something else, say, your homework, copy and paste into your profile

If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, (250!? I've read a 450 in less than one day!) copy and paste this into your profile

If you read Deathly Hallows in under a week, (two days (holla!)) copy and paste this on your profile

If you counted how many days were left for Harry Potter 7 Part 2 to come out, copy/paste this on your profile

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile!

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would sigh and say: "where to begin?"

If you have ever zoned out for five consecutive minutes or more, place this on your profile

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your head off

If you have your own little world, copy and paste into your profile

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading, and writing, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to slap someone for no apparent reason but know you'll find one later copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who needs to get run over, copy and paste this into your profile.

Some people are like slinkies, good for nothing, but they make you smile when you push them down a flight or stairs. If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile.

I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me. If this saying applies to you, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you read Maximum Ride Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports in under four hours, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you love Maximum Ride , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate Robert Pattinson (so much that you laughed when you heard his car was towed away) , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are totally against Catherine Hardwicke directing Maximum Ride , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know all the words to your favorite song/songs copy and paste this to your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover,

Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliche, Insane Winged Girl, MysticalPearl,MaxWing,sk8rchickmax,Blackwingsrainbowtips, MyNameIsCAB, ChetCheerio, Weightless, MiniFeverency, XxFaxness4everxX, xXFlyingWithoutWingsXx,Girl-with-black-wings, rocketdog791, It’s Fnicking Awesomeness

If you have an increasingly sophisticated and extensive vocabulary, situate this in your, characterization.

What sweet little girls are made of: Sunflowers and bows. What awesome little girls are made of: Gun powder and lead. Copy this if you’re awesome

If you laughed out loud while reading Maximum Ride, copy this onto your profile.

If you screamed like a little kid when you found out a Maximum Ride movie was coming out, copy this onto your profile.

If you're obsessed with Max Ride to the point where it's not even funny anymore, copy this onto your profile.

If Faxness is one of your obsessions, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you wish you were Max Ride just so you could make out with Fang, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you used to be one of those girls who thought it was irrational to be in love with a

fictional character, then read about Fang and changed your mind, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fan fiction copy this into your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. (FANG!!!!!!!!!)

Copy this into your profile if you LOVE Fang!

If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think Fang is so smexy he is on the verge of exploding from smexiness, copy and paste this in your profile.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight and Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, GamerGal546, Girl-with-black-wings. Rocketdog791, It’s Fnicking Awesomeness Maxlight3 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx, Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc., AVirgoGirl, xcheergrlx3, Mrs.DiAngelo, Nico's Future Wife, DaughterofPoseidon32498, larkgrace, Daughter of Athena94, rocketdog791, It’s Fnicking Awesomeness, FaximumRideForever72734

-If you've ever read past two in the morning, copy this into your profile.

-If you read peoples profiles, looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy this into your profile.

-If you have WAY too much things to do on your hands and your on fan-fiction.net instead of doing them, copy and paste this in your profile.

-65 percent of teenagers spend more time watching TV than reading. If you are part of the 35 who read more than you watch TV then copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.

-If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

-If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals don't use the meat, copy and paste this into your profile.

-Drugs are bad news. Spread the word.

-Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your profile.

-Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.

-If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this into your profile.

-98 of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you like fire and fireworks and explosions and things that go boom, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you have ever yelled at an inanimate object copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever wanted an inanimate object to go die copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever thrown something at your television when you saw a character you despised, whether it be a piece of popcorn, a fork, or a chair, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you love to sit at your computer all day, doing time wasting things, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you spend 10 hours on Fan-fiction each day, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you enjoy reading the and copying the "copy and pastes" from other people's profiles to your own, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you are a computer addict, copy and paste this in your profile.

-If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have a thing for pasting things on your profile, paste this on your profile

-If you're on the computer, paste this on your profile

-If you aren't me, paste this on your profile.

-If you have ever yelled at and/or slapped an inanimate object from anger, paste this on your profile.

-If you have a profile, paste this on your profile

-If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

-If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

-If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear baiting, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!

-If you have ever wondered what the afterlife is like, copy this into your profile.

-Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

-If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you freakin' could, copy this into your profile

-If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile.

-If you've met your not-blood related twin (in resemblance or personality), copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished a book character was real so, so, so incredibly bad, copy and paste this onto your profile. (FANG!!!)

-If you've ever said a totally random comment that had nothing to do with the conversation for no reason whatsoever, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because you're a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you are obsessed with something and people have told you that you are crazy copy this to your profile.

-97 of percent people would cry if Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen from Twilight) was standing on top of a sky-scraper, about to jump. If you're one of the 3 who would sit there eating popcorn screaming "DO A FLIP!" Then copy & paste this on your profile :)

If someone has ever asked you what Maximum Ride is about, and they give you a look that says, do-I-really-hang-out with you? copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you weird, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever sang the "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" song copy this into your profile!

If you want to see Maximum Ride(the movie) on the very first day it comes out... I'LL SEE YOU THERE!(oh...and copy this to your profile.)

If you have ever stayed up ALL NIGHT just so you could finish a really good book, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you are in love with a fictional character, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever walked into a wall because you were looking sideways at a friend, copy this into your profile.

If you have more than 100 books in your room, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that people who don’t like Harry Potter are crazy/stupid/losers, copy this into your profile

If you think that people who don't like Maximum Ride are crazy/stupid/losers, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you constantly forget what you're saying or are about to say, and I mean CONSTANTLY, copy this into your profile.

If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been the only one to think some really stupid joke was funny, copy this into your profile.

If you only copy and paste this crap into your profile to make fun of yourself, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over nothing, copy this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you ever wished you had wings and could fly with the flock copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If u have a sister or brother who is a morning person, and u sometimes want to strangle them for waking u up at6 AMon a SATURDAY because they turned on the TV in another room or something, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking' Trix, copy this into your profile

If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freaking' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think that the leprechaun should just give the kids the freaking Lucky Charms so they'll stop chasing him copy and paste this onto your profile

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

If you know that getting good grades has nothing to do with being smart, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile:)

If you are a total spaz copy this on to your profile

If you absolutely HATE Justin Bieber then copy and paste this onto your profile.

94% of teens would die if Justin Bieber was abut to jump off a cliff, you are one of the 6% that would be screaming "DO A FLIP!!" then copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

If you are like Max, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you relate everything to Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you absolutely CANNOT live without one or all of these books series (Harry Potter,Maximum Ride, Hunger Games, Mortal Instruments, The Missing etc.), copy and paste this into your profile!

If you love the whole blind, pyro, mutant, baker thing about Iggy, post this in your profile.

If you hate it when people label you, copy this into your profile

If you have a secret that nobody knows copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have had enough of me copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like me and my stories copy this onto your profile

If you think Max and Fang should get together now copy and paste this into your profile.

If you relate everything to Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you wish that you could fly so much it hurts, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever imagined killing off a fictional character to steal her fictional boyfriend, copy this in your profile (Fang!!!!!!!)

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile

Boys say that in everything they do, they can kick a girl's butt so bad that they cry. If you're a girl who kicks the boys' butts so bad they cry like girls, copy this into your profile and add your name. Moonstar of FireClan, Flamestar, Samishi Destiny, Silverstar's Shadow, Darkangel24700, iLoVeMoOnYnPaDfOoT, Someone aka Me,Yourcool79, Give up your Prejudices, MyNameIsCAB, chibi-sarus, hawkstar2, CrazyLittleKookoo, rocketdog791, It’s Fnicking Awesomeness

When I read Maximum Ride I wanted to kill Fang for not kissing Max sooner. I mean, COME ON! If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl)Pepper Lemon(Roshaun, Ronan) Second Daughter of Eve (Several, not telling.),Phish Tacko (Marty McFly, Klaus Baudelaire, Alex P. Keaton) Sugary Snicket (Danny Phantom/Fenton in my early FFN days, Durza, Dexter Morgan, Sirrus) FanofSnicket (Klaus Bauldalaire!!) Insanefangirl (Randall off monsters inc.), NicNack4U (Arnold, Aladdin, Captain Jack Sparrow, Drake Parker, Josh Nichols, Crazy Steve, Spencer, Victor van-Dort, Cosmo, Troy Bolton, Chad Danforth, Ryan Evans, Logan Reese, Chase Matthews, Pharaoh Atem/Yami, Joey Wheeler, Seto Kaiba, Duke Devillin, Jafar, Severus Snape, Harry Potter, Danny Fenton/Phantom). jafarjasmineforever2005: Jafar, Aladdin, Frollo, and lot's more (There's been tons).Takara410 (Itachi,aladdin,snaraku,seshomaru,sasori ,dei -dei kun Jack sparrow, will turner ,crazy steve, freddy, micheal myer swhen he was younger,hao, zuko and tons more ooh CHASE YOUNG a sexy beast.), OutcastToReality(L from Death Note, and THE BEST FRICKIN' VILLAIN TO EVER WALK THE EARTH: THE JOKER from Dark Knight) Holly Quinn (The Joker -sigh-)Dalia N'Shard (Joker, Dark Walter, Hans Gunsche, Jack Sparrow, Severus Snape, Erik, Atem, 2005 Riddler, Ghoul, and presently, Joker), Mam'zelleCombeferre(Dr. Watson, Sherlock Holmes, Edward CullenIM SORRY, Sydney Carton, Combeferreobviously, Jehan Prouvaire, and Enjolras) Firebird's Song (Joker, Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Jace Wayland from City of bones, Jason voorhees(Duh) and Seth Clearwater from Twilight, oh and Dorian Grey and Tom Saywer, from LXG), The Shrubbery (Gaara, Kyo, Yuuki, Gale, L, too many more!), MPHknows (Han Solo, Gale, Fang, Iggy(i dont have a crush on him, i'm in love with him), Vladimir Tod, Max off of Wizards of Waverly Place), rocketdog791 (Fang, Gale, Jacob, Jace, Sam, Harry, Kishan, and many many more!!), It’s Fnicking Awesomeness (FANG!!!!!!), FaximumRideForever72734,Maxlight(Fang, Harry Potter, Jake Black)

335 ways to get kicked out of Wal-mart--super funny--

1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart

2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment

3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham

4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."

5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _

6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!"

8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"

9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"

10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"

11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men

13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them

14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice

15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts

16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens

18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department

19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap

20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor

21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

22. Open a pack of Yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"

23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation

24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live..."

25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool...

26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it

27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing, just say "I changed my mind."

28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing the Surfin' USA theme song

29. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?"

30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" Then run out of the store screaming

31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called Wal-mart? Or what's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can't you all remember your own names?

32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles

33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them

34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out

35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it! Or say "You got chicken legs!"

36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

37. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room

38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food"

39. TP as much of the store as possible

40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing screaming the voices!! then get back up & act normal

41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say "The rooster is in the nest" Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper "use this wisely."

42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke

43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off

44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day

45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department

46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom

47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"

48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free... & see what happens

49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts 50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners

51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!!

52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night 5

53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras

54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items... the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand

55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face 5

56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by

57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."

58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a McChicken 59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That's better"

60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"

61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name

62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters

63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans

64. Take all the CD's put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again

65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you

66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!!

67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing

68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!!!"

69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head

70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted"

71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell "ROLLBACK!!!"

72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say... sir or madam... don't think that.

73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there."

74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman.

75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song

76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store

77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead

78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you

79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles

80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous."

81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down

82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham

83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags

84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle 85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions

86. Swing on the half price banners

87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask what and walk off like you're annoyed

88. Burp and say mmmm, tasty 89. Hold Barbie for ransom

90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen's "We Will Rock You"

91. throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone's cart

92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying "Let's bust this joint!"

93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"

94. Do your own radio show over the intercom

95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your darth vader mask

96. Glue pennies on the floor 'heads' side up

97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming 'EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!

98. find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you

99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices

100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over

101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund

102. get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby

103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel..."

104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded

105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items

106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!!!!"

107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!"

108. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!"

109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit

110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!"

111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around

112. Grab some pampers Pull-Ups and while buying them yell at the clerk "Mommy, guess what? I'm a big kid now!!"

113. Go into the bedding department and with cookies in your hand lay on a bed then pretend you're having a nightmare about cookies and yell " COOKIE!! COOKIE!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!" Then start rolling around

114. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering, "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..."

115. Go to the cafeteria area and buy fries. Then stand by the door and when people walk through throw the fries above their head like there getting married

116. look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!"

117. Get a tent ( With holes preferably ) and tell people to come in your lair. When they do chuck popcorn at them and ask them who invited them in

118. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.

119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.

120. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.

121. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.

122. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Wal-Mart

124. Get popcorn and throw at customers, sneaking up on them in an un stealth-like way, while yelling random things

125. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.

126. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone fromNew York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.

127. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.

128. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.

129. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can.

130. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.

131. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink every time it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.

132. Light a match under a sprinkler

133. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun". Then walk away.

134. Buy something that is like $5 and give the cashier all pennies.

135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.

136. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"

137. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.

138. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.

139. start hitting on the mannequins.

140. Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up.

141. Switch the price tags with something expensive and something really cheap.

142. Put women's clothes into men's carts.

143. Put preppy stuff, like short skirts and whatnot, into old men's carts when they aren't looking.

144. Run around in front of a mirror screaming "COPYCAT!"

145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you nock something over, subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won.

146. Find a couple. Run up to the one who is an opposite gender from you, slap them, and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!!"

147. Go up to an assistant and ask for mayonnaise. When they say they don't have it, start crying and scream, "Now how am I supposed to paint my toenails?!?"

148. Lay on the floor and do a ground angel

149. Steal their ketchup, go on the counter, smear ketchup all over you and say HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE HOTDOG KILLED ME!

150. Start jumping on one of their beds attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!!!"

151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused.

152. Ask for Goat Milk

153. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened.

154. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!"

155. Dress up as a ninja and go around the store karate chopping people

156. Ride a horse on a stick toy thing and have your friend pull you around the store on a skateboard while you scream, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

157. Turn a cart over and put towels over it so they can't see in. when someone starts to open it, start yelling "Hey, I'm Using the Bathroom in here!!!"

158. Buy a chocolate bar, go to the bathroom, smear chocolate on your hand, reach under the next stall and ask, "Can I have some toilet paper?"

159. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a dollar, and go fishing for humans!

160. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer.

161. Get a mirror and put it on top of a cart so it lay across it. Get on top and have someone push you down an isle, and Sing "Surfin' USA"

162. When the intercom comes on, fall on your knees and scream in tears of joy, "God has spoken!!!"

163. Get on a bike and ride around and crash into everything and everyone who gets in your way.

164. Pour a bunch of lemonade from the entrance to the bathroom and come out saying someone should have told me where the bathroom was quicker! 1

65. Steal guns and ammo and shoot all the TV's you can find. whoever blows up most wins

166. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head.

167. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3.

168. Go into one of those employees only doors and go behind some food shelves. when people reach out to grab food, grab their arm and start to pull on it.

169. eat all the ice cream boxes and then blame it on a worker with ice cream all over your face

170. Pour carrots on the floor so the employees have to pick it up. Continue doing it for a long period of time.

171. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg.

172. Start playing the violin. 173. Stare at a blank T.V, for an hour and when somebody asks what your doing, answer, "Shh, this is my favorite show!" 174. Stand on the conveyor belt at the check out with a barcode on your forehead.

175. Start saying stuff like argetrargrehargenstartgen to everyone who walks in.

176. walk around in dirty cloths and eat all the produce like a bum

177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!!"

178. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily

179. Beat your chest and run around screaming like Tarzan.

180. Throw stuff on the floor and start yelling at an imaginary friend.

181. Shoot spit wads at people and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically

182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!"

183. Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!"

184. Dress up as an old man and start stealing stuff

185. Start a fire, then sit around it with your friends in Indian clothes.

186. Walk around in a court jester costume

187. Run at people with a pitch fork

188. Pretend that you're having a heart attack

189. Throw tomatoes at people and then tackle them 190. Get on the intercom and calmly say, "Attention shoppers. I would like to inform you that the world is about to end, and that there's a sale on isle two."

191. Buy a carton of vanilla ice cream, run up to the cash register, tell the cashier you forgot your money, then start dancing like Napoleon Dynamite, screaming, "Where's my chap stick?!"

192. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people

193. Claim isle three as your 'Secret Lair'

194. Run around the store singing the My Little Pony theme song as loud as you can.

195. Get a giant Christmas stocking and hop around in it like it's a potato sack on field day

196. Build a wall out of stuffed animals

197. Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera

198. Yell curse words at people

199. Knock down as many displays as you can

200. Go up to a random old guy with white hair and say, "I want Bratz for Christmas! Thank you Santa!" and then give him a hug and run away.

201. Dress up in a super villain costume and then go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people

202. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and say you wanna fight? And when he pushes back start to cry and run away

203. Point to a cash register and ask the cashier, "How much is that?"

204. Get a tent and campout with the Barbie dolls in the toy isle

205. Chew gum loudly in people's faces

206. Throw a poke-ball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!"

207. Turn on all the flashlights, hang them from the ceiling, stand under them, scatter confetti at your feet, and start singing, using a Barbie as a microphone.

208. Play baseball in the middle of the store, then score a home run and run around the store screaming.

209. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes.

210. Get a cart and pile it high with items. When the cashier tells you the price, exclaim, "What a rip off!" And walk out of the store.

211. Start singing, "Tinkle, tinkle, little star! In a toilet that's real far! Up above us in the sky! It's weird to learn that pee does fly! Make sure it does never land! In my, my, my, my, my hand!"

212. Find all the beans you can and put them in your cart, and then tell random people that it's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple years.

213. Pay for your stuff with all pennies, and then come up one too short.

214. Scream, "Look! Someone's stealing an old lady's purse!" and when they look away, take all the stuff in their cart and throw it around the store shouting "I'm a terrorist!"

215. Run out of the dressing room screaming, "Michael Jackson has my dad!"

216. Go to the pet isle. Point to a fish and say, "I'll have that one. And that one. And that one..." Keep going until you've pointed to every fish they have in stock

217. Tap dance through the store

218. Change the music on the intercom to Mexican

219. Rip open every package you see

220. Get on a bike and have your friend chase you. Pretend you are going to run over somebody and then move out the way.

221. Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically)

222. Scream "SECURITY!" as loud as you can. When they come up act all panicky and say "This is really important!" Then smile and say, "Hi."

223. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" as loud as you can in the music section, then smile and say "Well, it's the music section so I thought you might like some live music." Then sing it again.

224. Run around with underwear on your head, screaming, "I am Captain Underpants!"

225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are.

226. Go to the toy isle, set up the GI Joe figures and yell, " Then it's WAR!!!"

227. Pull down your pants next to a flower display and "water" the flowers.

228. Go to the bakery section and yell "I LOVE PIE!" to everyone you see.

229. Take all the pets out of their cages, including the fish.

230. Grab a strawberry shortcake doll and go to the bakery section. Tell the baker "I'd like to buy strawberry shortcake!" and hold the doll in their face.

231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you.

232. Announce that there's a huge sale at Target

233. Throw a party in a busy isle

234. Test drive lawn mowers

235. Have a tennis tournament in the middle of the store

236. Throw all the bouncy balls in the toy section everywhere and let them bounce around

237. Carry a bomb and make it explode

238. Eat a bunch of candy and refuse to pay for it

239. Go to the in store restaurant and order anything. When receiving it tell them that this was not what you wanted. Refuse to pay and go tell the manager

240. Hide in a pile of plushies and then jump out at people who walk by

241. Act like an old lady and scream, "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!"

242. Pretend to be a life size Barbie. When someone wants to buy you, run away screaming that someone was trying to kidnap you.

243. Take a marker to all the happy faces. Then change the prices. That will start an uproar

244. When a clerk stops you and asks your name read their name of their id card. When they say it's not your name scream, "IDENTITY THEFT!!!"

245. Throw jelly sweets at the cashiers

246. Steal a shopping cart(As in take it out of the store and put it in your car)

247. Ride on the back of the carts. (they hate it when you do that) Run into other carts yelling like a maniac.

248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them ever so often. When the snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!"

249. Pretend like you're a person who works there and walk around saying, "Can I help you find anything?"

250. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it

251. Pretend like you're blind and can't find what your looking for. Go up to random people and ask, "Will you help me find some cat food for Fluffy?"

252. Bowl with bottles full of open soda

253. Run around with a bowl of cheerios yelling, "It lowered my cholesterol!"

254. Order a pizza from the cashier

255. Ask to have your pizza shaken, not stirred

256. Start a food fight

257. Go up to a fat woman and say, "Taxi?"

258. Put underwear over your shorts, get a blue shirt, yellow paint, and red paint, paint an s on the shirt, go to the material section, cut a red cape, then get an umbrella, open it, and jump off the tops of shelves.

259. Take the spray paint and paint all the people around you

260. Go up to random people and hug them while putting a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of their shirt

261. Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious"

262. Flip off the manager

263. Go to the food section, take all of the boxed items out, and stack them up to make a fort. Glue can help. And creating a 'distraction' elsewhere for the employees to handle while you work does too...

264. Drop a pen and let someone else go and pick it up for you. When they do try to pick it up yell to them, "HEY THATS MY PEN THEIF!"

265. Bring a slip n' slide blast some Music and bring some random people to it and kick their back so they slide across the slip n' slide and scream "PARTY IN THE HIZ HOUSE!!!!!!!"

266. Throw a dance party

267. Write on the floors

268. Pull all the clothes off the racks into a pile on the floor and hide under it, and when someone tries to pick the clothes up, leap out cackling madly and run down the aisles, still cackling.

269. Go up to someone and say "look over there" Then pull down their pants. And, if you're lucky, their underwear.

270. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them. Or pretend to faint.

271. Get a bag of chips and walk around the store eating them. When an employee tries to stop you or make you pay, tell them that they're your chips! Keep screaming it.

272. Spray a customer with pepper spray and scream, "Help! Help! He's a rapist!"

273. Pretend to be a rabid dog and run around growling at people. Then if someone tries to stop you, bite them.

274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out.

275. Take toys and put them on the floor and take a cart. Start running over the toys screaming, "Monster Truck Mania!!!"

276. Climb up the shelves/storage units, then refuse to come down.

277. Take red juice Pour it on your face make streaks or stripes then layout on the floor with a flower in your hand when a crowd of people come stand up and walk like a zombie!

278. Grab a bowl, spoon, milk, and cereal. Eat it right there and tell them you'll pay when your done.

279. Stand on the conveyer belt when your checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase

280. Wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra

281. Follow a stranger around and mimic them. Continue doing this for a long period of time.

282. If you are in Target, say there is a code yellow

283. Get some candy corn form the candy aisle put two on your canine teeth and go around the store biting peoples necks

284. Flirt with the manager's husband

285. Walk calmly to the CDs, when u see one that has Hilary Duff, yell (if you're a fan) OHMIGOD! HILARY'S LATEST! OHMIGOSH, I, LIKE HAVE TO HAVE THIS! (if you're not a fan) Find a hammer, take the CD, gently put it on the floor, then mash it like a madman.

286. Run around spinning and say you're the Tasmanian devil

287. Run around in circles and yell, "I'M THE CIRCLE MAN!"

288. Announce a sock-sliding contest and take off your shoes and start sliding. It's actually really fun...

289. Go up to a employee ask for a application and where it says goals write down 'to take over Wal-Mart' and turn it in

290. Get a water gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register."

291. Take a soda, shake it up, and then spray it at people.

292. Hide in the clothes so when someone comes to look you yell, "PICK ME!"

293. Request that an employee find you an imaginary product, then keep saying: "I know it's here somewhere, just keep looking!" Eventually the employee will run out of patience, so then you say: "You've been punked!" And run out screaming and laughing. (Maybe you won't get kicked out, but you'll freak an employee out...)

294. Print out a bunch of advertisements for Target,Marshalls, etc... Then calmly go around taping/gluing/stapling them to products, people, and walls. It helps to have a WHOLE lot of them.

295. Move things around. (Put frozen food in with the barbies, etc...)

296. If a fat person has a twinkies in their cart take it out and start eating it and spit it out on them and yell, "That crud is sick!"

297. Point at an old man and yell, "LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!"

298. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a fake sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!"

299. Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint

300. Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, "I'm pregnant!"

301. Put on a long wig and claim to be Pocahontas

302. Break some glass, then accuse a flying monkey

303. Threaten a cashier with a candy bar

304. Bring in scissors and glue. If anyone asks, tell them you are fulfilling your dream of giving Wal-Mart a Make Over.

305. Buy a bag of candy. Start to walk away, then ask if you can exchange them. Repeat until they get angry.

306. Go to the dairy section and protest against milking cows. Say things like, "What if the cows aren't ok with us milking them? Cows have rights too!"

307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes.

308. Go up to the manager and ask where the nearest K-Mart is.

309. If you see a couple holding hands, run through their hands and scream, "RED ROVER!"

310. Grab a gnome, then hide in a clothes rack and when someone picks out a shirt or whatever jump out and yell "The gnome did it! The gnome did it!" Then throw the gnome and run.

311. Put up free sample signs all over the store and watch people leave with their "free samples."

312. Run around the store screaming, "OMG! HELP! PINTO BEANS ARE TAKING OVER COSTCO! AHHH!"

313. In Wal-Mart, they give out free stickers. Take them and decorate your body with them.

314. Get a bunch of your friends, about 10 or more, and go up to a lady who looks like she's in her 20's. When there are lots of people around, ask, "Mommy? Can we have some ice cream?"

315. Spit in the manager's face

316. Stare at a customer for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad

317. Go to customer service and say, "Your fat valet guy stole my car."

318. Put an "Out of Order" sign on the manager's butt

319. Go up to customers and whisper, "Seven Days..." and if they turn around, pelt them with Skittles

320. Melt chocolate, then scream, "Free face masks!"

321. Wear a pair of bright yellow pants on your head and run around screaming, "They Got Me!!"

322. Slap the manager and scream, "He's alive! He's ALIVE!!!"

323. Put a lot of matches and gasoline in your cart, then smile at people

324. Run around the store five times, and when you are done, scream, "I WIN!" and do a victory dance

325. Let a collie lose in the store, then scream, "Lassie, come home!"

326. Make your friend that's a guy try on girl clothes and then have him run around like a crazy person.

327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!"

328. Grab lots of G.I. Joe action figures and Water Bombs and yell, "ITS WAR!!!" whenever someone walks by and throw the bombs at them.

329. Put a Dora toy on the floor and when someone tries to pick it up, yell, "Swiper No Swiping!"

330. Buy a fake but expensive looking vase. (ex. a cheap glass pot.) Fill it with some ash and soot. Then take it to an employee, bump into him and drop it so it shatters. Then keep screaming at him that it was your mother and you will sue him for every thing he owns, and tell him he has to pick it up then and there or he will be cursed for 10 years.

331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed Elmo’s hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!"

332. Drive around in a kiddie car singing the batman theme song.

333. Run around with underwear on your head screaming, "I'm Blind!!

334. Make a path with tomatoe juice leading to the womens bathroom.

335. try to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

The stupid test:

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out.

2 Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails

3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it

4. x Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking

5. x Choked on your own spit while you were talking

6. x Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head.

7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself

8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand

9. Tried to push open a door that said pull

10. Tried to pull open a door that said push

11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion

12. x Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else

13. x Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs

14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave

15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair

16. x Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble.

17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it.

18. x Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard

19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name

20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot

21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on

22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.

23. x Have run into a closed door.

24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else.

25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it.

26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke..

27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer

28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan

29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk.

30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock.noono'clock/noonthirty o’clock.

31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it.

32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside.!

33. x Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else.

34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property.

35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot.

36. x Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on.

37. x Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in.

38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard.

39. x Walked into a pole.

40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident

41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house

42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on.

43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small

44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it

45. x Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.

46. x Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it

47. x Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up

48. x Have poked yourself in the eye

49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on

50. x Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair

51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test

52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil

53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it

54. x Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.

55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were

56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on

57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.

58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it

60. x Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie

61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa

62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it

63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence

64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person

65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side

66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions

67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong

68. x Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it

69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out-

70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught

71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face

72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb

73. Ran into a door jam

74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid

75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it

76. Have purposely licked playground sand

77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band.

78. x Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't

79. x Have been so hyper you actually scared people

80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out.

81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off

82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again

83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.

84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about

85. x Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair

86. x Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone

87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird

88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people

89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria

90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.

91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil

92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them.

93. x Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper.

94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours

95. x Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story

96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs.

97. You have spelled your own name wrong before

98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.

99. x Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class.

100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth

A WEEKDAY:

Monday: Everyone HATES Monday because they either have to go to work or school.
Tuesday: Everyone HATES Tuesday because they’re still getting over Monday.
Wednesday: Everyone HATES Wednesday because it’s only the middle of the week.
Thursday: Everyone HATES Thursday because they wish the week would be just over.
Friday: Everyone HATES Friday because the weekend took so long to get here.
Saturday: Everyone LOVES Saturday because it’s a free day.
Sunday: Everyone HATES Sunday because Monday is tomorrow.

MAXIMUM RIDE FAN QUESTIONS:

1. Do you think Iggy is hot?

Yep

2. Did you cry when Ari died?

Yes!!

3. Do you think Fang is hot?

:D Soooooo sexy

4. How do you pronounce Ari's name?

Air-ree

5. Do you laugh every time you read the name Mr. Chu?

Yah

6. -SPOILER ALERT- In MAX, did you laugh hysterically when Total started talking about marriage?

Yes

7. -SPOILER ALERT- Did you squeal at all the faxness in MAX?

Oh my god!!! YESS!!!!

8. Did you angrily throw your book across the room when the flock split up?

Yes. And cried.

9. Who is your favorite character?

Fang :D :D :D :D and Max

10. Do you like Jeb?

NNNNOOOOO! He's a traiter

11. -SPOILER ALERT- Were you making a genuine "WTF" face when Max and Fang grew gills?

It was very odd. But it made Fang even more awesome :D

12. Did you think MAX was better than TFW?

Yes. plus fax technically got together in MAX.

13. -SPOILER ALERT- Did you get slightly fed up with Nudge and Angel's slight attitudes in MAX?

Angel can just go die in a hole. Nudge just has issues with loyalty

14. Which book is your all time favorite?

TAE- the original and best. But there’s not enough Fax :(

15. If the flock had a theme song, what would it be?

Weight of the World by Evanescence

16. Have you ever imagined the flock as a band playing whatever song comes up when listening to your iPod?

Uh huh.

17. Who do you think the Voice should be?

Jeb, total, director, drMartinez or max's owninstincts.

18. Do you think one or more members of the flock should learn to play an instrument?

When? How? Where? Wouldn't make sense

19. What bugged you the most about TFW?

Brigid and the low action

20. MIGGY or FAX?

FAX FAX FAX FAX

What have you pulled?

If you have pulled a Max: You have made a snap decision and decided to do it without thinking it through first.

If you have pulled a Fang: You have sneaked up behind someone without them noticing, making it seem like you came out of nowhere.

If you have pulled an Iggy: You have run into an inanimate object without realizing it was there. This could include, poles, wall, doors, tables, etc.

If you have pulled a Nudge: You have talked about something nonstop for the past five minutes, not allowing anyone else to speak. This is also known as rambling.

If you have pulled a Gazzy: You have farted in a big group of people really loudly, and everyone could hear it and smell it.

If you have pulled an Angel: You have invaded someone else’s personal space, without any consideration for that person. You can also pull an Angel by gaining a whole lot of useless powers that you don't really need...but I highly recommend the first one.

ºø„ºø„„øº„øº ºø„MAXIMUM RIDE„øº„øº ROCKS!!ºø„„øº„øººø„º

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .sSS... ... ..sS... ... ... ... ... ... ... . If you're a girl and you've ever
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... sSSS? ... ... .s..sS ... ... ... ... ... . beaten a guy in an arm wrestle,
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..sSSS. ... .sS.. sSS.. ... ... ... ... ... ... . copy the Flaming Heart
... ... ... ... ... ... ..sSSSS.. ... .sS.. .SS . ... ... ... ... ... ... ... into your profile!
... ... ... ... ... ... . SSSSS... ... ... sS... S.. ... ... ... ... ... ... . (sorry guys, girls only)
... ... ... ... S. ... .SSSSSSs ... ... .sS... ,
... ... ... ...sS. ... SSSSSSSs. ... .SSS.. ... .
... ... ... ... SS ... .SSSSSSs.. ... SSs ,
... ... ... ...S. ... .SSSSSSSs .sSSS.. ... ..
... ... ... ... SS... ... SSSSS..SSSS... s
... ... ... ... SSs ... ...SSSSSSSSS ... sS
... ... ... ... .SSs... ... ..SSSSSsSSSS ... sSS
... ... ... ..s...SSSS ... ..sSSSSSSSS. ..s SS
... ... ... .SS.. sSSSS..sSSSSSSSSSSSSS S
... ... ... sS.sSSSSsSSSSSSSSSSSSSS S
... ... ... .sSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
... ... ...sSSSssssSSSSSSSSSSsssssssSSS
... ... SSssSSSSsSS
... ...sSs
... ..s... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..

Images for coming home with surprises.

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 bras and randomly put them in Men's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in houseware"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.

...because good things happen too:

I am the guy who came out to the entire school in his senior speech and got a standing ovation for his courage.
I am the girl who kisses her girlfriend on the sidewalk and laughs at those who glare.
We are the couple who planned and studied and got a damn good lawyer and BEAT the state that wanted to take our child away.
We are the ones who took martial arts classes and carry pepper spray and are just too dangerous to gay bash.
I am the transgender person who uses the bathroom that suits me, and demands that any complaining staff explain their complaint to my face in front of the entire restaurant--and shares with my other trans friends which restaurants don't raise a stink.
I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner.
I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag.
I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God.
I am the girl who did not learn the meaning of "homosexual" until high school but never thought to question why two men might be kissing.
I am the woman who argues (quite loudly and vehemently) with the bigots who insist that you do not have the right to marry or raise children.
We are the high school class who agrees, unanimously, along with our teacher, that love should be all that matters. I am the child who was raised going to gay marriages and civil unions, becuase my parents never taught me to hate.

I am making a difference. Hate will not win if we do not let it. If you agree, repost this.

Check this out...

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile

1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. MEOW occasionally.
6. STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7. SAY -DING at each floor.
8. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9.MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. STARE, gri nning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16. ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21. SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22. CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
23. MAKE car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. CONGRATULATE all for being in the same lift with you.
25. GRIMACE painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. WALK on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. WHILE the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. LET your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. WALK into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. TAKE shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. ASK people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. ALSO in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. ASK, "Did you feel that?"
34. TELL people that you can see their aura.
35. WHEN the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. ANNOUNCE in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. DRESS up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."
38. START breathing heavily and grab your chest when someone walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air
39. WHEN someone comes in ask them to press 5 or 6 different floors
40. GET in and don't press any buttons. Wait for the elevator to be called somewhere and repeat 39.
41. IF you are the only one in the elevator, press all of the buttons and stand, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come.
42. LAUGH maniacally whenever anyone looks at you and say you're here for the mental health convention.
43. Get a friend and make up a stupid rhyme. Then one of you is in there and the other comes in and you do the rhyme until either you have finished or the security had come to get you out.

Things I can't do at Hogwarts

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand
11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it
16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Kinghts of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways
28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers
34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion
35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"
37) I will not call the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice

1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in
bees".
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures
class.
3. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
4. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch's office is not appropriate.
5. I will not go to class skyclad.
6. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
7. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore".
8. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".
9. I will not insist the house elves serve fried snake to the Slytherins.
10. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
11. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
12. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a
clever moneymaking concept.
13. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".
14. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".
15. I will not tye-dye all of the owls.
16. I will not reenact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall
17. Or anywhere else for that matter.
18. I will not shave Mrs. Norris.
19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends".
20. I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood.
21. I will not ask Lupin if it his time of the month.
22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast to Coast AM transcripts.
23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.
24. I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.
25. I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.
26. I am not a sloth Animagus.
27. I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
28. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or pirahna.
29. I do not weight the same as a duck.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
31. I am not allowed to wear death eater robes to dinner and shout Long live Lord Voldemort because I think its funny.
32. I will not kiss Trevor.
33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.
34. Skiving Snackboxes are not a suitable gift for first-years.
35. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental.
36. I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snapes private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as
it is disturbing.
37. I will not mock Dumbledore with exaggerated limb movements.
38. I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my arm and tell everyone its the new Dark Mark.
39. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.
40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.
41. I will not insist that the trees in the Forbidden Forest are Ent wives.
42. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.
43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.
44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.
45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.
46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not ask Ginny how to properly strangle a chicken.
49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.
50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
51. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.
52. I will not draw an H on Percy Weasley's forehead.
53. Filch does not have a sister named Magenta.
54. I will refrain from wearing black leather gloves at all times and saying "Hogwarts is mother, Hogwarts is father".
55. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients, and I will not resell their products as "Veela
Pheremones".
56. I will not refer to the Slytherin dorms as "the Tremere chantry".
57. The Malfoys are not Draka.
58. Hogwarts does not have a student council. Even if it did, they would not wear the rose seal. Therefore I will cease
going after the prefects with a sword.
59. Richard Upton Pickman did not paint The Fat Lady.
60. I will not refer to Umbridge as Queen of the Toads, even if she really is.
61. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt.
62. The Giant Squid has never made an appearance in any hentai film.
63. It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte".
64. Professor Flitwick's first name in not Yoda.
65. I will not refer to the hippogryph as "Horseybird".
66. I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.
67. -Or any other Slytherin.
68. I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves.
69. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor.
70. -Nor am I the Care of Witches Underwear Professor.
71. -I am not a Professor, at all.
72. I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
73. -I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
74. -It was not an honest mistake.
74. I will not swap Draco's broom with one out of Filch's broom cupboard.
76. I am no longer allowed in the student laundry.
77. -Or the teacher laundry.
78. Nor am I allowed to ever cast an Invisibility charm again.
79. While wand safety is an important issue, I am no longer allowed to distribute any pamphlet, which makes reference to
Belinda the Buttless.
80. It is generally accepted that Cats and Dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory,
no matter how wicked the result would be.
81. I will not give any girl a one half of a set of two-way mirrors as a Christmas present.
82. -Especially if I don't tell her what it is.
83. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled firewhiskey.
84. -Charming the label does not change anything.
85. I am not allowed to eat Chocolate Frogs in Potions class.
86. -Even if I brought enough for everyone.
87. -Emptying a bag full of them onto Professor Snape's desk to prove this last is unacceptable behavior.
88. Peeves may not countermand any of my professors' or prefects' orders.
89. No matter what Professor Umbridge may tell me to the contrary, I am not authorized to form press gangs.
90. Chemistry and Potions don't mix.
91. -Testing this last is not funny.
92. Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins, and I should not test that.
93. May not mock Professor Umbridge in front of the press.
94. I may not speak Latin in front of the books.
95. The proper way to report to Professor McGonagall is "You wanted to see me, Professor?" Not "I have it on good
authority that you have no evidence."
96. May not insinuate that all beautiful American exchange students to Gryffindor or Slytherin House in Harry Potter's
Year are Lockhart's misbegotten heirs, even if it's true.
97. I am not possesed by the ghost of Lady MacBeth.
98. -Neither is The Fat Lady.
99. When someone accuses me of not wearing any drawers, I should ignore them. Attempting to prove them wrong is
indecent.
100. -Especially if I can't.
101. If someone's House Badge is green and mine is purple, it means they are in Slytherin House. It does not mean "The
Sorting Hat thinks they're dumber than me."
102. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on the school grounds, not even for
entertainment purposes.
103. Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums".
104. -Neither does he respond favorably to "Sev", "Snapey-Poo" or "Debbie".
105. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
106. Hagrid does not have relationships with magical creatures, and I should stop implying that he does.
107. I am not authorised to sell incriminating pictures of the faculty to students.
108. -Giving the same pictures out free of charge is also frowned upon.
109. Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in June.
110. House Elf stew is not on the Hogwarts menu, neither is Niffler Curry, so I should stop asking.
111. A wand is for magic only; it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I
become.
112. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape's personal postbox.
113. I will stop referring to Hufflepuffs as "cannon fodder."
114. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
115. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"
116. My headmaster's name is Albus Dumbledore, not "Gandalf."
117. Neville is not my valet.
118. When given a directive by my house prefect, I should not insist that "we don't need no stinking badges."
119. First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.
120. I will not threaten the Fat Lady with Dip.
121. House ghosts do not regularly "slime" anyone.

122. Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.

123. There is no "open-mike night" at Hogwarts.

124. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot.

125. There is no bring a muggle to school day.

126. And I should stop insisting there is.

127. I should not ask Professor McGonagall if, while in cat form, she has ever coughed up a hairball.

128. I must not spread rumors that Lucius Malfoy is, was, or ever will be known in Death Eater circles as "Dobby's
Homeboys."

129. The fact that Draco Malfoy is short, blond, pale-eyed and rat-faced is no reason for me to tell the Slytherins that
Peter Pettigrew should be paying Narcissa child support.

130. I will not say that Harry Potter's godfather has "taken the veil."

131. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout,
"There can be only ONE!"

132. I will not refer to any Death Eaters as "Trixie.

133. -Even if it is a legitimate nickname.

134. I will not tell the Muggleborn first-years that the Forbidden Forest's real name is Mirkwood.

135. I must not start a "Vetinari for Minister of Magic" campaign.

136. I am not to conjure the words "DRINK ME" onto the vial of any potion in Snape's classroom.

137. I should not tell anyone that Dean Thomas's nickname is John.

138. I will not go to any fundamentalist websites and argue that Voldemort is a direct contradiction of the concept of
"intelligent design.

139. The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.

140. Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from "Phantom of the
Opera.

141. I should not refer to DADA professors as "canaries in the coal mine.

142. I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life." to Lord Voldemort.

143. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.

144. I will not send pictures of magical creatures to the Weekly World News.

145. I will not cover myself in ectoplasm and walk out of a fireplace, saying I took the "Flu Network".

146. I will not refer to "The Grim" as a nice doggy.

147. I will not refer to Professor Lupin as a nice doggy.

148. I will not ask Professor Sprout where the Jolly Green Giant is.

149. I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The
Chamber of Secrets".

150. I am not permitted to utter the line: "Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a _ out of my hat!" during Charms class.

151. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I
its founder.

152. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as
my greatest influence at Hogwarts.

153. Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.

154. I am not allowed to ink my owl's feet, have it walk across a parchment, and sell the result as cheat sheets for
Ancient Runes, even though Crabbe and Goyle keep falling for it.

155. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "The Force".

156. I will no longer wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real mother.

157. I will not enchant the telescopes on the Astronomy Tower to display non-existent constellations during O.W.L.
exams.

158. Albus Dumbledore's proper title is "Headmaster", not "My Liege".

159. A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.

160. Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

161. Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.

162. Professor McGonagall does not have an inappropriate relationship with Mrs. Norris.

163. I will not create a pin-up calendar of the Slytherin girls and call it "Voldie's Angels".

164. Professor Flitwick has heard all the "swish and flick" jokes before, and is very, very tired of them.

165. I will not send Professor Snape toothpaste and Shampoo for Christmas.

166. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.

167. I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.

168. I will not refer to Professor McGonagall as Catwoman, no matter how funny she would look in tight leather.

169. -Nor will I ask her if she is Catwoman in disguise.

170. I am not to ask if Lord Voldemort is secretly Hitler or Osama bin Laden.

171. I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.

172. I will not die the Death Eaters robes pink.

173. Humming/singing/referring in any way to Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" around Professor Lupin is
inappropriate. It's best not to bring up "Thriller", either.

174. Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a
quill and parchment is sufficient.

175. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

176. Taking red paint and writing creepy messages on the walls is not funny, either.

177. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling "It does DEATH!" may be correct but is not the manner
in which one should answer.

178. Not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.

179. I am not allowed to eat lollipops within Professor Snape's sight ever again.

180. I will never again use the spell used to enchant bludgers on peas.

181. -Or tomatoes, plums, oranges, or any other food item. Or any other item that is not a Bludger.

182. I may not have a private army.

183. -Not even if it technically belongs to someone else.

184. I should not encourage the house-elves to unionize.

185. I must stop referring to the professors by the embarrassing nicknames they acquired in their school days.

186. I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.

187. Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.

188. "Y'all check this-here shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an
experimental spell.

189. Portable Swamps are not funny.

190. Revel fires are to be danced around. It is not appropriate to dispose of old love letters or other sensitive
documents in them.

191. Bubotubers are not filled with tasty honey, and it is wrong to tell First Years that they are.

192. Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying, "The library is closed for an indefinite time period" amusing in any sense.

193. Mad-Eye Moody knows his eye is creepy, he does not need to be told... again.

194. Stealing first-years' clothing and then tossing it into and around the whomping willow is highly frowned at.

195. Mrs. Norris does not like playing with blast-ended skrewts.

196. Sneaking slugs into Ron's food is not funny. He does not like being reminded of his incident.

197. Trying to out-argue a Slytherin will lead to no good.

198. Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.

199. I am not the wicked witch of the west.

200. -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.

201. I will not melt if water is poured over me.

202. -Neither will Professor Umbridge.

203. I do not have a Cyberman Patronus.

204. I am not a Wirn animagus, either.

205. I will not ask Aragog if he came from Metabelis III.

206. -Or if he has any pretty blue crystals.

207. "Nessie is actually a cyborg created by the Zygons" is not an appropriate thing to say in Care of Magical Creatures
Class.

208. While it is appropriate to refer to Voldemort as "Master" while in his service, Voldemort and The Master are not
one and the same.

209. I cannot substitute Prydonian robes for my Hogwarts uniform.

210. -Nor can my winter scarf be longer than standard issue.

211. I cannot attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class.

212. -Or transform a pepperpot into a Dalek.

213. Lucius Malfoy is not my "sugar daddy" and I will not claim he is.

214. -That goes double when Draco Malfoy is within earshot.

215. A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars.

216. "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

217. I will not levitate everywhere in a big pink bubble.

218. My professors have neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Sugar Quills.

219. No part of the school uniform is edible.

220. -Not allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible.

221. Not allowed to take house points from firsties for "being too goddamned short".

222. Never, ever, attempt to correct Professor Moody about anything.

223. I must not refer to Headmaster Dumbledore as "Mum".

224. -Nor Professor Snape.

225. Not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.

226. -Not allowed to use silencing charms my Prefects.

227. -Not allowed to use silencing charms, period.

228. Not allowed to prophesy the end of the world more than once.

229. Will not offer to sell Hagrid new creatures.

230. -Especially not if I actually have them.

231. Madame Hooch's name is just that, a name. Will not ask her to share.

232. -Also will not ask her to fly under the influence.

233. Will not try to recreate the Whomping Willow in herbology class.

234. Astronomy class will not cause me to be abducted by aliens.

235. Will not charm Hermione's time turner to rotate every half-hour.

236. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do
it.

237. I am not allowed to charm the words Ferret Boy onto Dracos forehead.

238. I will not sell tickets to get into the Chamber of Secrets.

239. Especially if it is only a one-way ticket.

240. Singing 99 Bottles of Potion on the wall nonstop repeatedly will result in a detention.

241. Playgirl and Playboy are not on the reading list for muggle studies.

242. Woad and other camoflage/body paints are not needed for DADA.

243. I may not challenge prefects to Meet me on the Quidditch field, at dawn.

244. I shouldn't throw Fanged-Frisbees in the Great Hall.

245. I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.

246. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born, even if I have access to a time turner.

247. I should not show up at the front gate wearing part of another houses uniform, messily drunk.

248. -Even if my prefect did it.

249. I will not only wear "Wizard hat, open robe & tie" and call it an authorized uniform.

250. Teaching exchange students to taunt other Hufflepuffs is not nice.

251. When detained by dementors, I do not have a right to a strip search.

252. Do not dare first years to eat bugs. They will always do it.

253. I will not refer to McGonagall as "the cat-girl.

254. - Nor will I attempt to stop her transformation part way through.

255. - The same goes for Hermione.

256. I will not hand red shirts to the new DADA professor and claim that they're the standard uniform for the position.

257. I will not use invisibility charms on anyones clothing.

258. I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.

259. I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much
they injure themselves diving for cover.

260. I will not test my Potions assigments by spiking Snape's drink with them.

261. - Especially not all of them at once.

262. I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."

263. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos.

264. It doesn't matter if he is going on vacation; I will not comment about how the Minister of Magic is "packing.

265. The Giant Squid is not to be referred to as 'my lord Cthulhu', nor am I allowed to sacrifice first years to it on
the new moon.

266. I will not attempt to set up a mobile phone mast on the Astronomy Tower.

267. - Likewise the satellite dish.

268. The Slytherin Gift to Virgins is fictional, and I should not be asking Draco Malfoy or any of the other Slytherin
boys if they've mastered it yet.

269. The Muggle known as George W. Bush is not related to or working for Lord Voldemort in any way, and I am to stop
insinuating that he is.

270. I will stop sending Professor Snape forged love notes that appear to be from Professor Lupin.

271. I will stop asking Professor Lupin exactly what goes on between him and Professor Snape when he brings him the
Wolfsbane potion every month.

272. Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as 'Galadriel'.

273. Lucius Malfoy also does not have pointed ears, nor is he to be addressed as 'Haldir'.

274. Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as
'Spock'.

275. I will stop substituting Professor Lupin's Wolfsbane with Polyjuice Potion containing hairs from Mrs. Norris.

276. I am not to stare at the Great Hall ceiling during dinner in the winter and cry 'My god, it's full of stars!'

277. I am not to sing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!' when sent to the Headmaster's office'.

278. - I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.

279. -Especially not with kazoos.

280. The research and manufacture of mind-altering substances will not gain me extra credit in Potions.

281. I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass
and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.

282. When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you
are looking for'.

283. Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.

284. I am not to hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout 'I... GOT... THE... POWER!'

285. I am not a Vampire Slayer and Professor Lupin is not my Watcher.

286. -I am not to attempt to stake Professor Snape.

287. When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout 'To the Batmobile, Robin!'

288. - Or 'Thunder, Thunder, Thunder, THUNDERCATS, HO!'

289. Professor Flitwick is not to be referred to as the 'Dungeon Master'.

290. I will not try to convert my housemates to Christianity.

291. -Or Wicca.

292. -This does not mean that my religious rights are being violated.

293. I am not allowed to hit Bludgers at spectators.

294. -Or the referee.

295. I will not commit crimes and then say I was under the Imperius curse.

296. I will not insult people and then say I was given Veritaserum.

297. -I will not give people Veritaserum.

298. The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters.

299. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.

300. -Neither is Professor Snape.

301. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

302. The house elves are not there to do my homework.

303. Neither are the ghosts.

304. I am not a magical creature.

305. I am not the reincarnation of Merlin.

306. I am not Voldemort's illegitimate love child.

307. Professor Snape did not kill my father and does not deserve to die.

308. Seamus Finnegan does not have a pot of gold under his bed.

309. -Or under his robe.

310. I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order 'to see what happens'.

311. Grindewald is not my role model.

312. -Neither is Voldemort.

313. I will not cast 'Petrificus Totalus' on myself in order to avoid going to classes.

314. I am not allowed to Accio the clothing of any person while they are wearing it.

315. -Including my own.

316. I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history
in my Muggle Studies class.

317. I will not accept anything edible from a Weasley.

318. "All's fair in love and war" is not an official rule of Hogwarts.

319. I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names.

320. I will not attempt to make Professor's Trelawney's predictions come true.

321. Professor Snape's problem is not that "he needs to get laid".

322. Draco Malfoy is not a ferret animagus.

323. Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.

324. -Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.

325. Even if I myself to do not believe in it, I will respect that the school observes daylight savings time.

326. Providing Peeves with a case of dungbombs was a socially irresponsible action, and I will not do it again.

327. Shouting random Latin phrases while waving my wand is not acceptable charms research.

328. Regardless of how much Professor Snape's hair might annoy me, it is inappropriate to sneak into his room at night
and shave it off.

329. -Likewise, it is unkind to make the aforementioned hair into a wig and wear it to potions class.

330. -Nobody cares that it makes me feel "pretty".

331. Robes are appropriate school wear. Bathrobes are not.

332. Hogwarts does not require a karaoke machine.

333. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.

334. I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.

335. "OMGWTF" is not a spell.

336. Cornelius Fudge does not appreciate being called "Fudgie the Whale.

337. Shouting "Accio Dobby!" is not the proper way to get house-elf assistance.

338. I will not go into Dumbledore's pensieve looking for graphic faculty smut.

339. It is not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

340. "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first-years.

341. The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much
forgivable".

342. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
343. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
344. I am not allowed to scare the first-years by screaming "I'm melting! I'm meeeeeeeeeeeltiiing!" while they are in
the showers.
345. I am not allowed to forget my Omnioculars in either the boys' or the girl's bathroom. Especially not while they are
in recording mode.
346. I am not allowed to leave the catnip out in Professor McGonagall's class.
347. I will not speak to Professor Snape with a Transylvanian accent.
348. I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.
349. I will not give Professor McGonagall catnip, hairball medicine or string for Christmas, no matter how much I think
she will like them.
350. I will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore. Even if it would be amusing.
351. -Not even if I want to try to convince others he's going senile
352. I will not ask if Professor Lupin has had all his shots, such as rabies. Nor will I ask it of Professor
McGonagall.
353. I will not start a rumor saying that Professor Snape sings "I'm too sexy for my robes" while showering. Or for that
matter doing any other activity.
354. Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other Klingon house is forbidden.
355. Telling people that Professor Snape is an animagus and turns into a snake is not recommended.
356. Please do not tell 1st years that the fried chicken is really Kentucky Fried Owl.
357. I will not get a muggle tattoo artist to tattoo the Dark Mark on any part of my body.
358. I will not tell 1st year Hufflepuffs that the Dark Lord eats Hufflepuffs for breakfast. Or any other meal. And then
tell them that if they inform anyone of the warning the Dark Lord will choose them next.
359. Singing "Wild Thing, you make my heart sing" whenever you see Professor Lupin is not allowed, even though he likes
it.
360. Please stop telling 1st years about the time the Hogwarts Christmas tree ate a student.
361. I am not to "walk on water" in front of muggles.
362. I will not compel Seamus Finnegan to pursue people asking them for their Lucky Charms.
363. I am not to tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights of Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have my friends/other
people to call Ni from various directions.
364. Draco Malfoy is not a vampire.
365. -Especially not a vampire named 'Spike'.
366. Watching "The Food Network" is not equivalent to sitting NEWT-level Potions classes.
367. Pinning Confederate flags to the backs of Death Eater masks is not wise.
368. Voldemort does not wish to appear in a Visine commercial.
369. -Or as the 'before' for a line of cosmetics.
370. Hogwarts is in the UK, thus the United States Constitution does not apply to any of its students. Therefore, 'Avada
Kedavra' does not fall under First Amendment freedom of speech rights.
371. The ceiling of the Great Hall would not look better as an Omni IMAX dome.
372. Calling Voldemort "Baldemort" is inappropriate.
373. When called upon in class, I shall not insist that the correct answer to everything is '42'.
374. I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.
375. Asking Professor Snape if a house ever fell on his sister is wrong.
376. -So is asking him where he keeps his flying monkeys and if I could touch them.
377. Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.
378. I cannot be a Heffalump animagus.
379. Cannot lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on which house will come out alive.
380. Mr. Weasley's flying car is not to be taken apart piece by piece and rebuilt inside Snape's classroom.
381. Cannot charm all dictionaries to have: "Gryffindor" as the definition of "gullible.
382. Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles.
383. Robes are not optional.
384. Announcing "Remember: Save a broomstick! Ride a wizard!" is not an appropriate way to conclude a Quidditch match.
385. There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man".
386. -Even if I do conjure him up.
387. Leaving mash notes signed "Your secret admirer, Harry" in Neville Longbottom's books is both unfunny and cruel.
388. I will not sing the "Beverly Hillbillies" theme song when the Weasley family passes by.
389. -Or the "Hee-Haw" theme song.
390. -Or "Eight is Enough".
391. Asking the Weasley twins, "So do you do everything together?" is ill advised.
392. Telling Lucius what he could do with his staff... is not advisable.
393. I will not ask the school to sponsor a break dancing crew.
394. Voldemort, after being defeated, did not get served.
395. Getting Colin Creevey drunk and steering him toward a sleeping Harry Potter is just a bad idea all around.
396. -Then using his camera to take incriminating photos is not nice.
397. Coming up behind Harry while he and Draco are glowering at each other and saying "Oh, go on and kiss him already!"
is not funny.
398. -Even if Luna Lovegood does say, "Yes, I thought so too."
399. I am not a Balrog animagus.
400. The house never did fall on Professor Umbridge's sister, nor is she suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder
as a result.
401. I may not try to find out if any of the owls are David Bowie in animagus form.
402. I will not ask people what their daemons are.
403. I will not offer Professor McGonagall lasagna.
404. I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwart's smartest student is in another
house.
405. I will not call Pizza Hut and ask them to deliver to the common room.
406. I will not poison first years. No matter how much I think they need it.
407. It is not appropriate trade first years between houses.
408. I will not tempt Ravenclaws with apples. I will also not say that the Slytherins have tempted other students with
apples.
409. Frankenstein is not required reading for DADA classes.
410. -Neither is Dracula.
411. I will not try to explain the laws of physics, not even for the sake of argument.
412. If I even look like I might sing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" I will be Obliviated.
413. Using the 'Petrificus Totalus' curse on Draco Malfoy and dumping him in the Gryffindor common room as a Christmas
present to the House means you should watch your back until June.
414. -Especially if the Weasley twins were staying over break.
415. -If Lee Jordan was there too, you're going to need a bodyguard.
416. I will not claim to be able to see the Thestrals if I cannot.
417. -I will not tell first years that "any true wizard or witch" can see Thestrals, and that if they can't they
"obviously aren't cut out for this school".
418. I am not to tell Muggleborn first-years that Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans taste better when one eats a whole
handful simultaneously.
419. I will not take out a life insurance policy on any Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.
420.I will not attempt to repel Dementors by covering myself in chocolate body paint.
421. I will not sneak up behind Draco and Harry while they are in their Staring Snarky Yelling Matches and yell, "SLASH
SLASH SLASH! LET'S SEE SOME SLASH!"
422. I will not give Hagrid Pokmon cards and convince him that they are real animals
423. -Likewise, I will not tell First Year Muggle-borns that Pokmon battles are a part of the Care of Magical Creatures
curriculum
424. I am not qualified to perform exorcisms on Hogwarts ghosts, and attempting to do so will merely offend them.
425. Draco Malfoy is not the secret identity of "Ferret Boy".
426. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".
427. Telling Draco Malfoy to "make like a ferret and bounce" is always a bad idea.
428. The Crucible is not summer reading for History of Magic, and I should not tell First Years that it is.
429. "You might be a Pureblood if..." jokes will get me in trouble, especially in front of Slytherins.
430. I will not play the Darth Vader theme for Professor Snape.
431. - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.
432. The bludger is not a bowling ball, and Professor Snape is not a bowling pin. I will not attempt to prove
otherwise.
433. If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a
nom-de-plume.
434. - I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.
435. The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror.
436. -Transfiguring Draco Malfoy's uniform into a gold thong is inappropriate.
437. -Especially if he's wearing it.
438. Crabbe and Goyle should not be referred to as "Bulk and Skull". "Dumb and Dumber" is equally inappropriate.
439. -I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.
440. Comparing Draco Malfoy to Alex Krycek, Lindsay McDonald, Lex Luthor or any similar character is not an appropriate
subject for a Muggle Studies essay.
441. I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond.
442. Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle's first names are, respectively, Draco, Vincent and Gregory, not Larry, Darryl and
Darryl.
443. The Slytherin Quidditch team should not be referred to as "Draco Malfoy and a moderate amount of cross-dressing".
444. -Even if that is an accurate description.
445. The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.
446. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.
447. I am not allowed to spank others.
448. -Even if Malfoy liked it.
449. No matter how vast the uses and entertaining the results, I will not indulge in fun with duct tape.
450. -This goes double for superglue.
451. I am not to dance naked in the great hall.
452. -Or on the grounds.
453. -Generally, dancing naked is wrong.
454. Despite the appearances of the employees and the vaults, Gringotts is not the entrance to the Labyrinth.
455. -While in the company of goblins, I must not demand that I be taken to Jareth.
456. -Nor shall I tell them "You remind me of the babe.
457. Draco Malfoy no longer requires a nanny, nor does he need tucking in and "a bit of a cuddle" at bedtime.
458. - Not even if he insists that he does. And that his father has hired me to provide said service.
459. I am not to call Hogwarts "the most covert anti-Death Eater organization on the planet.
460. The Easter Bunny is not Jesus' Animagus form.
461. I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother
and sister?"
462. I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.
463. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
464. I will not write forged letters home to the parents of Muggleborn first years detailing the Satanic rituals they
are learning.
465. I will not ask Dobby why he doesn't look more like Orlando Bloom.
466. - Nor will I ask him if he works for Santa Claus in the off-season.
467. I will not invite Professor Snape to a midnight showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show".
468. -The same goes double for Voldemort.
469. -Likewise, I will no longer be permitted to refer to Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange as Riff Raff and
Magenta.
470. -Especially to their faces.
471. I will stop pasting happy face stickers on Lupin's office door.
472. Draco Malfoy does not appreciate being called 'Ferret Boy'
473. -Or 'The Blond Boy Wonder'
474. Hagrid's skin is not green and I should stop calling him 'The Jolly Green Giant.'
475. Sending love notes to Professor Snape and signing them 'With Love, Draco Malfoy' is not appropriate.
476. -Neither is signing them with: 'I had a great time last night, Argus Filch.'.
477. Breaking into song during Potions class is not acceptable.
478. -Especially if the song is 'I feel pretty, oh so pretty'.
479. Or 'I'm too sexy'.
480. I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal
times.
481. Lucius Malfoy's cane is not a 'pimp cane'.
482. I must never sneak up behind Draco Malfoy and coo "How's my Blondie-Bear?"
483. Teaching first years to chorus in unison "The amazing bouncing ferret" whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is
just wrong, funny, but wrong.
484. It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says All the good-looking ones die young with a picture of
Cedric Diggory on it.
485. I am not to tell Draco that I know all about his affair with Hermione Granger.
486. -Especially if it's not true.
487. -I also cannot sell the story to Rita Skeeter.
488. -Or owl Lucius, Narcissa, or Bellatrix with the imaginary details
489. A ferret is not a proper Christmas gift for Draco Malfoy.
490. -Asking Mad-Eye Moody to turn Malfoy back into a ferret so I could keep him as a pet was not appropriate, either.
491. -Giving Draco a bowl of ferret pellets with his dinner was not an act of kindness, nor was it funny.
492. Voldemort is not my homeboy.
493. No matter how creepy and abandoned some of the towers are, I will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in
any of them.
494. Asking Harry how his parents are doing is just cruel.
495. Repeat: Draco and Harry are not secret lovers. Draco and Harry are not secret lovers.
496. Dont tell Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs that Lucius Malfoy goes around singing "Dance, Dark Lord, Dance".
497. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to get a room every time they start fighting.
498. -Nor will I say this to Harry and Snape.
499. -Or Harry and Draco.
500. Draco Malfoy does not smell almost subliminally of summer peaches.
501. Bungee jumping off the astronomy tower is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere.
502. Using Love potion number nine on people are illigal. Therefore I should not make Harry fall in love with Pansy
Parkinson. Again.
503.Draco does not take singing requests, therefore I should stop asking him to sing "Tearing Up My Heart"
504. -or any other songs
505. this list being used as a checklist is inappropriate, therefore i shouldn't do so
506. I will not refer to Voldemort as "Voldie-Poo"
507. I will not enchant Draco so that he looks Emo/Goth to everyone around him except himself
508.I will not Turn myself into Malfoy (Polly juice potion) and tell everyone in Hogwarts my undying love for Pansy
Parkinson...again
509. I did not see Malfoy making out with Cho, Crabb, or Goyle in the girls bathroom, therefore i should not tell Harry
loudly in the great hall.
510. I will not sell the sorting hat for money for ciggerates
511. I will not mix up potions and magic stuff together and make Ron drink it and tell him it is soda that tastes like
that because a bunny made it just for him
512. I will not bring an evil creature from the 8th dimension and call it my pet
513. I won't dress up in a black robe, wear a bald wig and tell people that I'm Voldemort.
514. I won't dress up as the "Dark Magician" or the "Dark Magician Girl" in class.
515. Hogwarts does NOT teach you how to banish people to the "shadow realm".
516. I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade
517. - nor will I yell that there is the dark mark floating over somewhere
518. I will not walk up to Ron and Hermione and say they're the perfect couple
519. - Nor will I tell that to Harry and Ginny
520. - Nor Malfoy and Pansy
521. I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad
bad nightmare about Harry
522. - Nor will I do the same thing with Malfoy and his blanky
523. - Nor Snape with his girly girly bunny rabbit slippers
524. I will not tell Lockheart that he is actually a dancer who stars in Swan Lake
525. I will not write Moogles instead of Muggles
526. I will not ask harry if i can have a thunder bolt scar too
527. I will not ask Malfoy is cole his brother
528. - nor snape
529. Draco is not billy idol's little brother
530. I will not ask draco if i can use his face cream531. Saying voldy is my hero is bad
532. I will not say that Harry has a female counterpart who stars in a kids education show.
533. -nor will I say that her name is Sharry Spotter.
534. I will not steal Draco's blanky
535. I will not yell i saw Draco and snape last night! in the great hall or anywere
536. I will not charm Hermione's cat to jump up and yell Rawr i'm he-who-must-not-be-named!
537. I will not try and get zombies to eat Draco
538. -nor snape
539.I will not follow anyone around saying "pimp hat" at the most random moments
540. i will not refer to Fred and George as Hikaru and Kaouru
541. Pokemon are not real, therefore i will not convince Hagrid that Pokemon are real animals so that he'll have a leson
all about pokemon.
542. I will not call Professor Dumbledore 'Dumbydork'.
543. I will not confuse Voldemort with Xehanort,
544. -nor will I say they are related in any way,
545. -nor mention that their names rhyme.
546. I will not yell, "Harry has a girlfriend! Harry loves Ginny!" in the great hall
547. - nor will I yell, "Ron loves Hermione!" in the great hall
548. I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall
549: Luna Lovegood is NOT always on "physicidelic mushrooms" and i should stop implying that she is.
550:- the same goes for Profesore Trelawny
551:- calling that drug something else changes nothing.
552:-nor does saying they are high on some OTHER drug.
553. I will not tell Dumbledore that there are people outside the books who despise him
554. - nor will I say the same thing to Harry
555. I will not tell Voldemort that he's too freaken lazy to do stuff himself.
556. Cho is not on anti- depresants, nor should i imply that she needs them.
557. Cho's curly haired friend Marietta with her SNEAK pimples is not "before" for a mag.
558. -Rita Skeeter is not "after"
559. Dobby is not Harry's secret lover, no matter how much he wants to be.
560. Saying he's "obviously not good enough..." is just cruel.
561. calling the ASPCA about the way Ron treated Scabbers (wormtail) is pointless, as he is already dead, on the run, or
a accomplise depending on where in the books you
are.
562: I will not send Fainting Fancies to the Slythrin common room without a antidote, and only a card saying "to the
pretty-est girl in the house". Again.
563:I will not blame the Ravenclaw quiditch team for the entire female population of slytherin being unconcience for no
apparent reason.
564: i will not let my owl claw out the eyes of the slytherins
565: i will not let my wand run amok and paint everyones faces purple
566:i am not to call people with freckles "spotted owls"
567: i will not eat liver then throw it up on proffessor snape
568: i will not punch the wandboards until they expload
569. I will stop insisting that Snape and Hermione are secret admirors.
570. - Same goes for McGonagall and Dumbledore
571 Nearly headless nick does not approve of being called Casper the Friendly Ghost.
572 The fact that dudley didnt like his pig tail does not mean i should keep switching to differnt tails to find one he
likes better.
573 If muggle children near the school WANTED their baseballs replaced with bludgers they would have said.
574 i will not convince everyone that girlnextdoor101 is a horcrux, and that for the sake of the world she MUST die.
575 i will not convince everyone that thegirlnextdoor101 is lord voldemort after drinking polyjuice
576 no matter how much i want to, i will not go into slythrin house, where i will without a doubt find
thegirlnextdoor101 and murder her, then say "sorry harry, she was a death eater-in-training. she and malfoy were in this
together,but i figured id leave him to you.
577 i will not ask real-moody if the real him would turn Malfoy into a feret just like the fake moody did.
578 if he says yes, i will not ask him to turn thegirlnextdoor101 into a racoon, a naked mole rat, a vole, or any other
rodent.
579 i will not speak out about how in-humane it is to use vanishing charms on living creatures, because im sure i will
just be told to "get off my soap box"
580 to actualy make a soap box to stand on, is inappropriet.
581 the sorcerers stone is destroyed and even though they are annoying, first year slytherins should not be told its
still down there, as they all want imortality,and the devils snare gets them every time.
582 no one at hogwarts will buy Harry's gravy stained napkins and having proved this i will not try selling at hogsmead
either.
583 even if interested buyers like colin creevy found me at diagon ally, i shouldnt be selling harry's gravy stained
napkin.
584 it doesnt matter that he offered me 2 galleons, eleven sickles.
585 i will not use a time turner to hex Malfoy andthegirlnextdoor101 and then have
eye witness's chip in that they saw me in the place of my alaby
586 i will not bring up neopets.com and say its an informational website about a
unique breed of diversifide creatures, or insist we use the website to learn to care
for them properly

The white man said, "Coloured people aren't allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was Black, when I grew up I was Black, when I'm sick I'm Black, when I go in the sun I'm Black, when I'm cold I'm Black and when I die I will be Black. But you sir, when you're born you're Pink, when you grow up you where White, when you're sick you're Green, when you're in the sun you're Red, when you're cold you're Blue, and when you die you will be Purple. And you have the nerve to call me coloured?" The black man turned around and sat down, and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism.

10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL

10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks

9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies

8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly

7. Our magazines have horiscopes

6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around

5. Our friends don't say "hi" but punching us in the arm

4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month

3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have

2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket

1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing

19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Drugs".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. dont use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane Intercom

1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore

2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know

3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?

4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just kidding.

5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin'

6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory...

7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?

8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?

9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another...

10. This is your captain speaking: I'm depressed, suicidal, and I'm taking you all with me. By the way, I've already killed the co-captain.

11. Dammit, Steve! You're the father of my baby! You know what? I'm-- AAAAHHH!! OH GOD, I'M HAVING THE BABY!! DAMN YOU, STEVE!! IF I'M GONNA HAVE THIS BABY NOW, YOU'RE GONNA FEEL THIS PAIN WITH ME!! Oh shit... is the intercom actually on?

12. This is your captain spreaking: we're about to land, but... uh... does anybody know how? I was kinda weak on that in piloting school...

13.This is your captain speaking I just took 7 bottles of sleeping pills so have a good flight.

If you laugh, copy and paste this to your profile! XD (I know you did!!)

There is a scheme brewing up with the FF staff and they're planning to take down any and every story over the M rated section (stories with yaoi, yuri, het lemons, song based stories, extreme violence, etc) ...

So on June 23rd, there will be an official Black Out. Authors will not log in, read, or review stories. Those who do not have accounts are also affected by FF's decisions too. Please participate and spread the news! If enough authors take part in this event, FF will know we mean business. Also, if anybody has any information on when this purging on M-rated fics will be please contact me. I would like to know in advance.

SPREAD THE WORD!

copy and pate this into your story updates, communities and forums

thanks

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love.

"People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something. You must present something of equal value to gain something. This is the principle of equivalent trade in alchemy." -Alphonse, Fullmetal Alchemist.

"Treat others like you want to be treated." -Me.

"Just because others does it, it does not mean that you may do it." -Me.

"Don't you ever point your gun at your own brother!" -Rin, Blue Exorcist.

"Don't worry. I won't stoob as low as to attack my own brother." -Rin.

A white man enters a bar and sees a black man sitting on a stool. The white man says, "Colored people are not allowed here."

He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK.

When I grew up I was BLACK.

When I'm sick I'm BLACK.

When I go in the sun I'm BLACK.

When I'm cold I'm BLACK.

When I die I'll be BLACK.

But you sir, when you're born you're PINK.

When you grow up you're WHITE.

When you're sick, you're GREEN.

When you go in the sun you turn RED.

When you're cold you turn BLUE.

And when you die you turn PURPLE.

And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Post this on your profile if you hate racism

DEATH TO TWILIGHT AND STEPHENIE MEYER! TWILIGHT SUXS A LOT - HERE ARE A NUMBER OF REASONS WHY:

Meyer dares to call her work the "Twilight Saga" - excuse me?! SAGA?! Even great authors like Rowling and Tolkein had the modesty not to call their epic and awesome works as a "saga", yet Meyer is being far too outrageous with her work.

- Meyer's characters are nothing more but pathetic Mary Sues. Have a look at the heroine, Bella Swan. Her name means: beautiful swan, yet her personality is so bland and dull, it's so stupid that Meyer actually makes her the main character. Bella is a clumsy girl, and seems to have no common sense whatsoever...I mean, who in their right mind would fall for a weirdo vampire that constantly watches you sleep? That's not romantic- that's plain creepy! (YES! I don't think I would find it romantic for someone to be staring at me through my window while I sleep...I would most likely stab them in surprise...I keep my katana right at my bedside...I'm paranoid like that. XD)

-Meyer writes in such complicated terms- a good story doesn't necessarily use such "pretty, colorful, big, wordy" language like: obstreperous...I highly doubt that the high school girls and boys that have read her books even know what that means. Why write a story if you are trying to showcase your "fancy" vocabulary?

- Meyer has the worst plot ever- it is dead BORING. A girl falls in love with a vampire, who she winds up with together forever despite a few minor windups. That's it, really. The rest is fluffy, boring filler. The "climax" takes place in the last two chapters of the books and has nothing to do with the preceding 400 pages. The "conflict" is resolved far too easily. What kind of book/story is that?

- Bella is pathetic without Edward. In the second book, as soon as Edard leaves, Bella enters a I'm-going-to-remain-dead-without-my-vampire-boyfriend mode. That is plain retarded. (Yeah that was annoying)

- Who has ever heard of a vampire WITHOUT fangs and has sparkly skin in the sunlight? That isn't a vampire! Meyer not only destroys the basic definition of a vampire, but she breaks her own rules of "vampirism" at the end of her garbage series! (MAJOR POINT! YES! VAMPIRE'S HAVE FANGS AND BURST INTO FLAMES IN THE SUNLIGHT!)

- The only reason that people like these books are that Meyer has placed NO personality into the characters whatsoever. Even people at Fanfiction.net do a better job at Fanfics of Twilight than Meyer herself! Any loser can put themselves into Edward's/Bella's shoes and act like them! (Wow, I wonder if this means there are more people being born with no personalities now-a-days? XD)

- Bella Swan teaches all females to let men do everything. IF WOMEN HAVE BEEN DEFENDING THEIR RIGHTS AND EQUALITIES FOR THE PAST CENTURIES, ARE THEY GOING TO LET SERIES LIKE THIS DETROY THEIR WORK?! Will girls even need to go to school anymore? WAAAAH! Damn you Meyer, you might just crush womans' rights and equalities!!

- Bella's Father is the worst father out there. He develops some suspicion about Edward, then just completely leaves Bella alone. That isn't being a good parent- that's being plain ignorant and oblivious about your child. I don't think my dad would let me hang out with a bunch of vampires!

- Bella started out as a useless, clumsy, whining doll that has suddenly become the idol for girls everywhere. Same with Edward and Jacob- WHY PEOPLE? WHY? DO YOU WANT TO BE A MARY-SUE TOO?!

- Have you noticed that Meyer has been describing characters EVERY two pages? I think we've heard enough about Edward's Flat Toned Chest, thank you very much Meyer...

- The books are predictable and childish. There isn't even proper sex in the series to deem it as a "vampire novel". Sure, there's vampires, but where's the romance?

- Vampire Baseball is a disgrace. Here you are, a mythical being, a vampire. You are a creature of the dark, and you play BASEBALL?! I wonder whether Meyer was mentally ill when she was writing these books. (...Okay I am ashamed to admit I did think Vampires playing baseball was hilarious...and I have to admit that the baseball scene was the only worthwhile thing to see in the first movie actually...)

- Do any guys like Twilight? Why is it all fangirls who are so blinded by their "love" towards Edward and Jacob that they don't see the true realities: their personalities suck, and THEY DON'T EXIST!

- Bella and Edward fall in love way too quickly. Even teenagers don't do that nowadays. Besides, what is the chance of a young highschooler girl falling in love and the boy actually returns her love? UNLIKELY. (I agree with the first part! Especially the first part)

- There is something very disturbing about how Carlisle turning tennagers into vampires. Very disturbing.

- The only Reason Edward can't read Bella's mind is that she doesn't have one. (MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE! XD)

- Harry Potter and other cool characters can easily own Edward and Jacob- they suck!

- Bella gets brainwashed all the time. It's not like she has the will to stop herself- Oh no, whatever her darling Edward will do, she'll do it too! Yeah girl, go and chuck yourself off a cliff, YOU DESERVE THAT!

-The guys are completely unrealistic, boring, and wimpy. Edward is too perfect, and hardly has any flaws. That isn't a vampire at all- that's a Mary Sue, and a pathetic writer who can't write properly.

- Why is it called the "Twilight Series" If the first book itself is call "Twilight"? Give me a break woman, just get out of our lives. You've caused enough damage already- don't make it any worse!

- Every page in Meyer's books contains at least 22 grammatical errors. HOW DARE SHE CALL HERSELF A WRITER?!

- Edward relies on the school faculty to "get out of classes". So, Meyer, are you teaching kids now to rely on your rich parents to bribe the school faculty so that you can skip school and get good grades all the time? I high doubt that Edward even knew his biology at all.

- Bella has no goals or future plans at all. She constantly revolves it around Edward. As soon as she turns 18, instead of thinking about at least college, it's all: Oh no! I'm one year older than Edward darling! What am I going to do? I have to become a vampire now!

- Jacob, who has been so nice and sympathetic towards Bella is cruelly dumped by her and she prefers Edward. That is sad, pathetic, yet amusing in my opinion. Too bad Meyer is completely incapable of implying logic into her work whenever she writes.

- Why is Bella starting to use Edward for her own advantage? As soon as she starts to flirt and date with him, he's driving her around, he's the one who does this and that for her- whatever happened to her simple and humble life in the beginning?

- Edward looks too pale in the movies. He looks like a skeleton freak who hasn't been sleeping for the past 10 years. He and Bella need A PROPER LIFE.

- The conclusion to the "Twilight Saga" was completely stupid and abrupt. It took Meyer 4 books to write such boring, garbage romance, and it could've taken easily 2 books.

- Meyer chases the dreams of a 4 year old of trying to be famous. Well, look at her now...rich, and famous, all thanks to the stupid fangirls and boys that dare to read her books and purchase her work. DEATH TO MEYER'S WORK!

- This series are the biggest insult to the human race itself

PASTE THESE REASON INTO YOUR PROFILE AND JOIN THE MOVEMENT! SPREAD THE WORD AND STOP THE WORLD FROM BEING CONSUMED INTO THE MOST OFFENSIVE WORK OF ENGLISH LITERATURE! MEYER DESERVES TO BE SHOT AND HANGED! ( 0_0 wow...I wouldn't go that far, but hey whatever floats your boat! XD) HER WORK IS SO BAD! BURN THOSE TWILIGHT BOOKS AND POSTERS RIGHT NOW! ADD YOUR NAME TO THE LIST, AND BE PROUD OF YOUR SUPPORT TO END THE WORLD OF THIS RIDICULOUS GARBAGE THAT HAS DEVOURED EVERYONE AROUND THIS PLANET! DEATH TO MEYER! DEATH TO EDWARD AND BELLA!

I am hoping/praying the below is true:

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are at
the top of the tree.The boys don't
want to reach for the good ones because
they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

My name is Tiffany

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren’t ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can’t do a wrong

I can’t speak at all

Or else im locked up

All day long.

When im awake im all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren’t home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe ill just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie’s bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I’m so afraid now

I’m starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He’s already locked it

And i start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"I’m sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted

Into a unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While i lay there motionless

Brawled on the floor

My name is tiffany

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me

And you can help

Sickens me top the soul,

And if you read this

and don’t pass it on

I pray for your forgiveness

Because you would have to be

One heartless person

To not be effected

By this Poem

And because you are effected,

Do something about it!

So all i ask you to do

Is pass this on!

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE

Please pass it on.

The girl you just called fat? She is overdosing on diet pills. The girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. See that man with the ugly scars? He fought for his country. That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is dying. Put this on your profile if you're against bullying. I bet 95% of you won't put this on your profile, but I'm sure the people with a heart and backbone will. Which percentage are you? 5% or 95%?

Series I've seen so far (and love):

Wolf's Rain

Fullmetal Alchemist.

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood

Ouran High School Host Club (mostly for girls, unless you're the gay type or whatever).

Fruits Basket

Death Note

Angel Beats

Familiar of Zero

Vampire Knight

Vampire Knight Guilty

Blue Exorcist.

Blue Exorcist the Movie

Inuyasha

Beezlebub

Ghost Hound

Black Blood Brothers

Elfen Lied

Black Butler

Black Butler Season 2

Deadman Wonderland

Highschool of the dead(gory and not for younger ages)

Code Geass;Lelouch of the Rebellion (both amazing. definite watch) :):):):):):)

Code Geass;Lelouch of the Rebellion R2 (both amazing. definite watch):):):):):):)

Nabori no Ou

K project (amazing definite watch)

Mirai Nikki (amazing/ very gory caution not for younger ages)

Togaino no Chi (not for a younger audience)

Hotarubi no Mori e(its a film)

First Squad- the moment of truth (its a film)

Soul Eater(amazing. definite watch)

My Little Monster

Sword Art Online

Tales of the abyss

Say I love you

Wolf Children Ame and Yuki

Btooom

Danganronpa: Kibou no Gakuen to Zetsubou no Koukousei - The Animation (first series)

Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan(amazing!)

Koisuru Boukun

Kirepapa