Seth'sGirl23
Name: Alyssa Age:16 Birthday: September 23 Zodiac Sign: Libra How i look: Brown Hair and Eyes Favorite song: Poison by All Time Low Favorite bands: Theory of a Deadman, All Time Low, Boys Like Girls, Simple Plan, The Maine, Mayday Parade, Forever the Sickest Kids, Love Automatic, The Automatic Loveletter, Nickelback, We the Kings, 3OH!3, The White Tie Affair, and Cute Is What We Aim For Favorite books: Twilight!! I also like Gossip Girl, It Girl, Pretty Little Liars, Hunger Games, The Host, The Clique, 1-800 Where-R-U, The Mediator, Dreamland, Sweethearts,Vampire Kisses, Generation Dead, Dead Is..., and a bunch more I Love Singing, Dancing, Talking, Shopping, Reading, and Doing Hair and Make Up. I'm a Total Girlie Girl. I'm Almost Always Happy. I Love Kellan Lutz and Chace Crawford. My Favorite Color is Dark Purple, The Color Of Royalty. I Hate When People Can't Get The Hint That There Not Wanted. Number: 4 --Do You-- Have any siblings: Yes, a sister --Love & All That Crap-- Ever cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend: No --This or That-- Fruit or Vegetable: Fruit --Have You Ever-- Danced in a public place: Yes Talked to someone you don't know: Yes Been out of the country: Yes --Random & Silly Junk-- Are you a virgin: Yes --What Comes To Mind With The Word-- High: School --Would You Ever-- Sky dive: Maybe 50 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME UNTIL YOU READ THIS: 1, What color is your toothbrush? Purple! 2, Name one person who made you smile today alot of people made me smile but i'd go withmy friend Katie 3, What were you doing at 8 am this morning: sitting in homeroom studying for a gym mid-term :( 4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago? looking at people's profiles 5, What is your favorite candy bar? take 5 6, Have you ever been to a strip club? no 7, What is the last thing you said aloud? uumm i don't remember 8, What is your favorite ice cream flavor? chocolate chip cookie dough 9, What was the last thing you had to drink? water 10, Do you like your wallet? i guess 11, What was the last thing you ate? cheese!! 12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week? no but i got clothes as a gift 13, The last sporting event you watched? umm... i think it was a football game 14, What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? does carmel count? 15, Who is the last person you sent a text message too? my friend marina 16, Ever go camping? yeah right! i would never go camping 17, Do you take vitamins daily? nope 18, Do you go to church every Sunday? nope 19, Do you have a tan? no it not sunny 20,Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? no pizza 21, Do you drink your soda with a straw? i dont drink soda 22, What did your last text message say? where ru? 23, What are you doing tomorrow? taking midterms 25, Look to your left, what do you see? a wall 26, What color is your watch? dont have one 27, What do you think of when you hear Australia? my family (some of my fam. lives there) 28, What is your birthstone? sapphire 29, Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru 30, What is your favorite number? 4 31, Who's the last person you talked to on the phone? my friend marina 32, Any plans today nope 33, How many states have you lived in? one 34, Biggest annoyance right now? a bunch of people who annoy me 35, Last song listened to? dance hall drug boys like girls or dont trust me 3OH!3 36,Can you say the alphabet backwards? no 37, Do you have a maid service clean your house? no but it would make my life a lot easier 38, Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? my black flats 39, Are you jealous of anyone? i dont think soo... 40, Is anyone jealous of anyone? huh? 41, Do you love anyone? my family and friends 42, Do any of your friends have children? no 43, What do you usually do during the day? school, homework, fanfiction, eating, reading, talking 44, Do you hate anyone that you know right now yup a lot of people actually 45, Do you use the word 'hello' daily? no usually hi 46, What color is your car? don't have one 47, Do you like cats? nope cats are scarey 48. Are you thinking about someone right now? nope 49, Have you ever been to Six Flags? no 50, How did you get your worst scar? i got hit in the face with a a swing 1. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair 2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Black 3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yup 4.Do you plan outfits? Sometimes 5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Bored 6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? My Staples easy button 7. Do you say aim or a-i-m? aim 8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? It was about Twilight :) 9. Did you meet anybody new today? Nope 10. What are you craving right now? A twinkie! 11. Do you floss? Not often 12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Lettuce 13. When was the last time you talked on aim? Like 15 minutes ago. I'm almost always on 14. Are you emotional? I guess 15. Would you dance to the taco song? umm i dont no 16. Have you ever counted to 1,000? No. 17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Bite into it 18. Do you like your hair? Sometimes. 19. Do you like yourself? Yup. 20. Have you ever met a celebrity? No :( 21. Do you like cottage cheese? I don’t know. 22. What are you listening to right now? The TV 23. How many countries have you visited? None 24. Are your parents strict? Yes. 25. Would you go sky diving? Maybe 26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? No 27. Would you throw potatoes at him? That would be a waste 28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? Saddly no. 29. Have you ever been in a castle? Does Disney count 30. Do you rent movies often? Not really 31. Who sits in behind you in your math class? Depends if i sit behind John or next to Nidhi, then no one. otherwise Ryan sits behind me or if i sit in the seat i was moved to then some kid whos name i dont remember 32. Have you made a prank phone call? Yeah. 33. Do you own a gun? What do you think 34. Can you count backwards from 74? Yeah but i would probably mess up 35. Who are you going to be with tonight? My family 36. Brown or white eggs? White 37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? Nope 38. Ever been on a train? I dont think so. 39. Ever been in love? No 40. Do you have a cell-phone? Yes 41. Are you too forgiving? I guess, but i do hold grudges. 42. Do you use chap stick? I use lip gloss more 43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? Going to school? 44. Can you use chop sticks? Not at all 45. Ever have cream puffs? Yeah. my mom's are the best! 46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? I have no idea what that is 47. What was the last question you asked? Whatcha doing? 48. What was the last CD you bought? The Twilight soundtrack 49. Boys or girls? Boys 50. What is your bus number for school? I dont take the bus. 51. Is your hair curly? its kinda wavy 52. Last time you cried? I dont remember 53. Ever walked into a wall? Yup 54. Do looks matter? Yes 55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? Yup. Skinny leg jeans 56. Have you ever slapped someone? Yes. 57. Favorite time of the year? Fall 58. Favorite color? Purple 59. Are you sarcastic? Yup 60. Do you have any tattoos? No. 61. The last person you held hands with? I dont know 62. Do you sleep with the TV on? No. 63. Where was your default picture taken at? Huh 64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? Yes 65. Do you like your life right now? Yeah lifes good 66. How often do you talk on the phone? umm not that often i text everyday tough 67. What is your favorite animal? Tigers 68. What was the most recent thing you bought? Water 69. Do you have good vision? Nope 70. Can you hula hoop? Not at all 71. Could you ever forgive a cheater? Depends. 72. Do you have a job? Nope. 73. Can you handle the truth? Depends 74. What are you wearing? My PJs Your One and Only Wish 30 Good Reasons why GIRLS are always the BEST 1. We got off the Titanic first 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, free dinners, free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. Its possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We have ways of getting what we want easily. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We have style. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. There's the saying "Ladies first." 15 Things to do when your in Walmart! 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. ( I love this one! ) 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here! 15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!" Top 75 Most Annoying Things To Do In An Elevator When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on. Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment. Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. Ask, "Did you feel that?" Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!" Swat at flies that don't exist. Tell people that you can see their aura. Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!" Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on". Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!" Put police tape in front of the door before entering. Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you. Hold an auction. Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved. Ask every passenger coming if you can borrow a tampon. Especially effective if victim is male. Even more effective if you yourself are male. Throw a rave. Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not fung shwei." Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral". Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again. When you brush past someone, whisper "Was it good for you too?" Lean over to another rider and whisper 'Noogie patrol coming!'" Have a heated debate with yourself. Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers. Drum on every available surface. Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter. Give psychotherapy to the other passengers. Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them. Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it. Propose to the other passengers. Challenge people to duels. Sell girl scout cookies. Bring a large pile of ice. Build an igloo on the floor. Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..." Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror. Stick your tongue out. Act like it's a cigarette, and ask someone for a lighter. Pitch a tent on the floor, and "camp out" for the weekend. Play "I've got your nose" with the other passengers. Shout "Food fight!" Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!" When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back. Elevators were practically MADE for river dnce! Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!" Make sushi. Press your nose against the other passengers, and say "You know, this is what the Eskimos used to do before having sex." Shave. Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved when it stops moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat. Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection. Practice your kung fu. Make race car noises when people get on and off. Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?" Fly a model airplane. Do yoga. Play the accordion Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat. Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit. Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone. Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure." Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word. remember when... judge me & ill prove you wrong There comes a time when you miss someone so much you hear their voice echo in your head, you hear the names they used to call you and the words they used to say, you memorised their laugh, their smile, and all their silly little ways, you feel their arms around you and you don’t want to let go, even though you know its an illusion, but it hurts a little less. Before you my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there was stars-points of lights and reason... And then you shot across like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed. But my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no reason for anything All that stuff is SO New Moon! Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. she puts the helmet on In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Dumb scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. Checking away messages. It's like stalking, but no one knows you are doing it. I even have people's names on my buddy list that I don't know, but I hear they have really good away messages. Some people really put their all into away messages. There are the people who document their every move: "I am taking a shower, but when I get out, I am going to pee, shave, and then iron my pants. Call me if you need me before I go to the mall at 2pm." Then there's the creative one: "I am away from my computer right now." And of course there's that one from the really cool guy: "Yo its friday night, I am drunk, and not sittin up lookin at away messages" Funny how that guy never seems to go idle. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive. There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. Excuse me...have you seen my sanity? ...I think I lost it. I keep trying to kidnap Jasper but every time I try Alice is at his window with a bat waiting for me. How does she kn- oh...right Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey? If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that? How is it possible to have a "civil" war? To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door... Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. Be insane...because well behaved girls never made history. I'm not insensitive, I just don't care I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else Cracks on sidewalks are reminders that you never too strong to fall apart When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back. I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the water washed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and forever it will stay. Sometimes, people just build walls up not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break through Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect so whats the point of practicing? if nobody’s perfect I must be nobody Keep smiling- it makes everyone wonder what you’re up too A girl only need 3 things: love to make her weak, alcohol to make her strong, and friends to help her up when the first 2 make her hit the ground. I don’t mind if you sleep in class, but please do not snore, you are disrupting those who are sleeping Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. When there's a will, I want to be in it. He who laughs last didn't get it. The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars. To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality. Lifes Tough, get a helmet Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you. I’ve stopped listening, why haven’t you stopped talking? I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me? It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it? I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either. They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. Be Loved, but Never Love. Attach, but Never Combine. Trip, but never fall. To be Broken is better than shattered. Be Trustworthy, but don’t trust. Only tell him your strength, not your past. Be Cracked, but never opened. Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916 Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843 Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901 Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916 Edward Cullen: Sexier, hotter and spicier Than You since 1901 Emmett's the strongest, Edward's the fastest, But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make people jealous. Do that again and ill give you a papercut in front of Jasper. If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it's NOT even funny anymore, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever dreamed or imagined being a vampire or a werewolf, put this in your profile. If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think of vampires playing baseball...copy/paste this into your profile. If you are in love with a Twilight character, copy and paste this in your profile. If you flip whenever you see someone reading a Twilight series book and you want to talk to them all about it, copy and paste this in your profile. If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile. If you think that TWILGHT is the best book known to man...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think Kellan Lutz is sexy, copy and paste this into your profile If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward, Bella, Alice, or any other Twilight names, copy this into your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said "pull" or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile. Put this in your profile if you didn't know the ABC's song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune. If you have someone you love as a sister, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile. If you've ever asked a stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this to your profile. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this to your profile. If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile. If you are obsessed with TWILIGHT fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If you think the Cocoa Puffs Turkey-Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile. If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking Trix, copy this into your profile. If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that Emmett absolutely ROCKS, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've started having dreams featuring Twilight characters, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think Emmett is wayyy Better than Edward, copy and paste to your profile! If you've ever tried putting your hair behind your ears, and ended up poking yourself in the eye...copy/paste this into your profile. I cdnuolt blveiee ta Take Time To Read Each Sentence This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now read the THIRD word of every line In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's just a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowentairon: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.” -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs. "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron. "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists. "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On a fireplace lighter. "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater. "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old. "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm. "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." (but not normal mice)-- On a box of rat poison. "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV. |
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