![]() Author has written 1 story for Warriors. So. First off. Hi. My little lists of favorites. I promise. Kinda. Favorite Songs- Fire and Gasoline, by Sia Summer, by Calvin Harris Lights, by Ellie Goulding Chandelier, by Sia Cell Block Tango, from the musical Chicago Anything Pink. Avril's non-depressing stuff. Anything Imagine Dragons. Pretty much anything mainstream pop. Fandoms- Artemis Fowl The Sisters Grimm Warriors Doctor Who Maximum Ride The Selection Marvel Disney Probably more. I forgot a lot. Funny Stuff- On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with colds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.) You Know You're a Book Addict If: You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on. You read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading. You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else) to read your favorite books. You accidentally call everyone by the character's names. Everything reminds you of the book. You quote random lines all the time. You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class. You have pictures of your favorite characters on your iPod. You've got a book basically memorized. You've read a book more than five times. You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days. You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional. Warriors Have Taught us These Things Violence doesn't solve all problems, but it does solve some. And they should be solved very violently. Cats can have accents. Old people are funny. If your girlfriend dies, the default response is to sleep with her sister. No matter how right you are, you're still wrong in some way. Your logic doesn't have to make sense if you're angry enough. Killing your half-brother solves all of your problems for 6-12 months. Having fangirls gives you the right to do virtually anything without being considered evil. There are no limits to how you can kill your own brother, half-brother included. Casual racism is socially acceptable. More severe racism is less approved of, but still allowed. Only outright genocide crosses the line. Most children in southern England will squeal when they see a cat. Good is cute, maybe handsome; Evil is sexy. Highly organized colonies of feral cats have been living in the English countryside for over 60 years without being noticed by anyone. Cats are really good at cleaning up massive bloodstains. If you eat too much fish, your blood tastes fishy. It's possible to complain about anything. The object that cats should fear the most is a purple pen. All barn cats are weird. Happy endings are completely unrealistic. No matter how depressed you get, there is always a way to become more crazy. Plans that rely on the cooperation of others have a tendency not to work. Gaining nine lives causes you to die nine times as frequently as everyone else. Major antagonists have a tendency to die the most slow and violent deaths imaginable. Life: You don't win. You break even. At best. The general public doesn't know anything. Anything. Yourself included. The default response to being dumped by someone is to devote yourself to making them watch their family die slow, painful deaths. People named after plants tend to be red herrings. People named after animals are the real deal. Don't fight the system, no matter how messed up it is. Stars are really the spirits of dead cats. Just because someone has gone to that dark place down under doesn't mean you don't have to deal with them anymore. The width of someone's shoulders is a good indicator of how strong and experienced they are. Don't mess with beavers. Thunderstorms are inherently dramatic. Someone is angry at you when clouds cover the moon. Forbidden relationships happen about as often as socially legitimate ones. Breaking the rules is bad. Bending the rules is good. If you're ever near death or dying, you will survive anyway. Most people would listen to Hitler if he was nice to them. If you start to see a red haze, stop what you are doing! Lying is the most evil thing ever. The happier your relationship, the more tragically it will end. People who secretly like you make the best evil minions. It's possible to not notice that you are pregnant. If you try hard enough, you can be pregnant and give birth without anyone noticing. If you play with your food, an owl will come and eat you. Incest doesn't count if it isn't immediately noticeable. If you're related to anyone important, chances are you'll have superpowers. If you're against stereotypes, copy and paste this into your profile, and bold the ones that you identify with. Stereotypes I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a b*. I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell. I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be prude. I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. I'm SINGLE, so I MUST be ugly. I'm CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hate homosexuals. I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self- control. I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive. I couldn't hurt a FLY, so I MUST be a wimp. I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. I'm INTELLIGENT, so I MUST be weak. I am AMERICAN, so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed, and arrogant. I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future. I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser. I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against abortion. I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST. I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED. I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast. I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic nut. I don’t want a BOYFRIEND, so I MUST be Lesbian. I can't help pointing out mistakes, so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist. I'm a PERFECTIONIST, so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake. (Erp. Kind of true.) I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life, so I MUST be having problems. I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life. I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian. I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life. I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up. I’m a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports. I like CATS, so I WILL grow up to be a crazy old cat lady who lives alone. I'm a FEMALE, so I MUST not SWEAR. I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant. I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. I am an HONOR STUDENT, so I MUST be a NERD. I can't help but BLUSH when I'm around a cute guy so I MUST be a dumb s*. I'm QUIET so I MUST be stuck-up. I sit ALONE at lunch so I MUST be snobbish. I'm HARD TO FIGURE OUT so I MUST be impossible to get along with. I DON'T wear make-up so I MUST be an outsider. I COPIED AND PASTED THIS INTO MY PROFILE, so I MUST be a plagiarist. I am POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher's pet. I like to READ, so I MUST be a nerd. I don't wear MAKEUP, so I MUST look ugly. I'm QUIET, so I MUST be anti-social. I'm SHY, so I MUST be insecure. I can play the VIOLIN, so I MUST be ASIAN. I have a great MEMORY, so I MUST be smart. I like to CLEAN, so I MUST be a neat freak. I have a FACEBOOK , so I MUST think I'm GROWN. I don't go to the MALL, so I MUST not have a LIFE. I like RAINBOWS, so I MUST be GAY. I think MILK is disgusting, so I MUST be lactose intolerant. I like going to RESTAURANTS, so I MUST be fat. I hate the subject of SEX, so I MUST be prude. I actually LAUGH during HORROR MOVIES, so I MUST have no SYMPATHY. I love KID MOVIES, so I MUST be CHILDISH. I don't support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST be a HOMOPHOBE. I chose MCCAIN, so I MUST be WHITE. 1. Lionblaze 2. Gray Wing 3. Jagged Peak 4. Cinderheart 5. Bumblestripe 6. Willowshine 7. Crowfeather 8. Sandstorm 9. Leafpool 10. Storm 11. Jayfeather 12. Mistystar Have you ever read a six/eleven fanfic before? Jay x Willow. YUSH THEY'RE AWESOME. Do you think four is hot? How hot? Umm... No. What would happen if twelve and eight started going out? Misty x Sand? I would tear out my eyeballs and Firestar would scream "DISLOYAL!" Do you recall any fanfics about nine? A couple. Would two and six make a good couple? Gray Wing X Willowshine? Probably not. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? O.o Bumble x Leaf or Bumble x Storm? //backs away What would happen if seven walked in on two and eight kissing? Crowfeather walks in on Gray Wing and Sandstorm kissing? Hopefully not die. Make up a summary of a Three/Ten fanfic. Jagged x Storm: Jagged Peak tries to, unsuccessfully, remind Storm of the good things in life. o.o I had no idea. Is there such thing as a One/Eight fluff? If you were really, really messed up. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fanfic. CrowMisty Angstfic: The Forgotten Mistakes Does anyone on your friends list read three? Umm... No? Does anyone on your friends list write or draw eleven? Yes. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five? Hope not. What might ten scream at a great moment of passion? "#NeverWantedToDie! #LuvYaClearSky!" If you wrote a songfic about Eight and Nine, what song would you use? Sandstorm and Squirrelflight. Apologize by One Republic. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fanfic, what would the warning be? Lion/Willow/Misty: Yes, I was totally delirious. Sorry. What would be a good pick-up line for ten to use on two? "Hey, Hey, you you, I know that you like me!" Avril works every time, Storm. 1 and 8 are in a happy relationship until 5 runs off with 9. After 8 dumps 1 for 2, 6 retaliates by dating 12. Alone and brokenhearted, 1 travels in search of a friend. Finally, 1 meets 4 and 7. The three loners meet 10, who tells each of them to look for love. 4 finds 3, 7 gets 11, but now 1 is stuck in a never-ending love triangle with 6 and 12! Lionblaze and Sandstorm are in a happy relationship until Bumblestripe runs off with Leafpool. After Sandstorm dumps Lionblaze for Gray Wing, Willowshine retaliates by dating Mistystar. Alone and brokenhearted, Lionblaze travels in search of a friend. Finally, Lionblaze meets Cinderheart and Crowfeather. The three loners meet Storm, who tells each of them to look for love. Cinderheart finds Jagged Peak, Crowfeather gets Jayfeather, but now Lionblaze is stuck in a never-ending love triangle with Willowshine and Mistystar! Okay, how many pairings was that? Lion x Sand, Bumble x Leaf, Sand x Gray Wing, Willow x Misty, Cinder x Jagged Peak, and Crow x Jay. Incest. Incest everywhere. YOUR GUY SIDE: (x) You love hoodies. TOTAL: 10 YOUR GIRL SIDE: (x) You wear lip gloss/chap-stick. Total: 17 Today, we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies such as don't spend more than you can earn, and reliable strategies like adults, not children, are in charge. His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Neosporin, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, places of worship became places of business, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home without having to worry about the burglar sueing you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded $3,000,000 when she sued the McDonalds that had given her the coffee. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. If you've been on the computer for hours on end reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this to your profile. If you ever wished you could live in a story, copy and paste this to your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, copy this into your profile If they are right...copy and paste this into your profile If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you're a girl and get sick and tired of guys assuming that you're weak and can’t fight, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. If you hate girly-girls or people who think that they are everything, copy and paste this into your profile (I hate the ones that are like "oh my gosh she looks like so ugly!", the ones that are really nice and sweet are the ones I like) If you are a nerd and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. You call me crazy like its the ultimate insult but I just stare at you blankly and say "So" I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. Less than 1 percent of female teenagers don't use make-up. Are you one of those who don't? BE PROUD AND GLUE THIS THING IN YOUR PROFILE! If you love writing, copy and paste this into your profile If you know sugar is the greatest plant ever grown, copy and paste this into your profile If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?" I am not that girl, The one that is super popular. The one that is rich. The one obsessed with Twilight. The one that will lie to get her way. The one that doesn't care about your feelings. The one that wears her Team Edward or Team Jacob shirt proudly. The one that has a new boyfriend every week. The one that hates her life because she wears size-two jeans. The one that would cry over a boy. The one that loves Justin Bieber. The one that will give up because she broke a nail. The one that started wearing makeup at nine years old. BUT I am that girl, The one who likes books more than boys. The one who pretends not to be sad, just to make others happy. The one who reads and writes to escape. The one who just wants to help. The one that really wants to make a difference. The one that sticks to her values. The one that doesn't look at race or homosexuality. The one that cries when she feels alone and helpless; it only shows she's strong. The one that knows she's beautiful, no matter what others say. The one that refuses to believe that this is it. The one that doesn't care if she eats too many cinnamon buns...they taste good. The one that people like, because she's crazy. The one that doesn't care if she looks like a retard, because if looking like a retard is what it takes, go for it. The one that will do anything to make a better tomorrow. The one who won't give in. The one won't give up. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master... He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher... He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer... He had no army, yet kings feared him... He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world... He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him... He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today Feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us... If you believe in the triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit then copy and paste this in your profile If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says... "If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..." Mary had a little Lamb, His fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, the Lamb was sure to go. He followed her to school one day, t'wasn't even against the rule. It made the children laugh and play, to see that Lamb at school. And then the rules all changed one day, illegal it became; to bring the Lamb of God to school, or even speak his name! Every day got worse and worse, and days turned into years. Instead of hearing children laugh, we hear gunshots and tears. What must we do to stop the crime that's in our school's today? Let's let the Lamb come back to school, and teach our kids to pray. Amen I say to that. Why do we SLEEP in church, but stay awake for the two hour MOVIE? Why is it so HARD to talk about God, but so EASY to gossip? Why are we so BORED when we look at a Christian magazine, but find it EASY to read Playboy? Why is it so easy to IGNORE a Godly Facebook post, but we REPOST the nasty ones? Why are CHURCHES getting smaller, but BARS and CLUBS are growing? repost if you truly believe in GOD. When you carry a Bible, the devil gets a headache When you open it, he collapses When he sees you reading it, he faints When he sees you living it, he flees Just when you try to re-post this, he will try to discourage you. Can you hear that voice that says this is silly and so are you if you re-post this? I just defeated him. Copy and paste this on your profile if you're in God's army and strong enough to pick up the sword. Did you know that 98% of teenagers won't stand up for God? and that 93% of the people who read this won't re-post this? If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. - If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile. - 93 percent of Americans would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile. - If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer! - If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. Girl Comebacks; Guy: Where have you been all my life? Guy: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Guy: Is this seat empty? Guy: Your place or mine? Guy: So, what do you do for a living? Guy: Hey baby, what's your sign? Guy: I would go to the ends of the world for you. Guy: Your eyes- they're amazing! Guy: I'd like to call you. What's your number? Guy: I know how to please a woman. Guy: I can tell you want me. Guy: If you were a hamburger at McDonalds you would be McGorgeous. Guy: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Guy: Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Guy: If we were the last people on Earth, then will you be mine? Girls, copy and paste this on your profile The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen, sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, when you're born you're PINK, when you grow up you're WHITE, when you're sick, you're GREEN, when you go in the sun you turn RED, when you're cold you turn BLUE, and when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Repost this if you are against racism. Amazingly, we're never alone. Did you know 98 percent of teens will not stand up for God, and 93 percent of people won't repost this? Re-post if you truly believe in God, and even if you don't, God and Jesus are heroes! If you believe in Jesus Christ, put this in your profile, and DON'T IGNORE THIS because in the Bible it says, "If you deny me on Earth, I will deny you in front of my Father at the Gates of Heaven." If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like cats more than dogs copy and paste this onto your profile. (Cat lovers UNITE!) If you swear your half-cat copy and paste this onto your profile (The doctor is wrong, I know it!) If you love the warriors series copy and paste this onto your profile (My all time fav, refuse to read any other series, series!) If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile (my parents think I live in my room now) If you think Erin Hunter should've made a "Last Hope" epilogue, copy and paste this on your profile! ONLY IN AMERICA (POST THIS IF YOU LIVE THERE) Why America has some Issues: 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures' 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile! If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, hyper or anything similar, copy this into your profile. If you're hopelessly addicted to chocolate, paste this into your profile. (My greatest weakness next to my incompetence at math!) If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever thought of something funny and started laughing aloud copy and paste this into your profile. (my mind is strange) If you've ever wished you could go into a book, and join the fun in the adventure copy and paste this into your profile. (WARRIOOOORRRRRRZZZZZ!!!!!) If you have ever laughed at something that you wouldn't normally laugh at because it was really late at night, copy this into your profile (my foot) If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy this into your profile. If you think your insane because you say so, copy and paste this into your profile Admitting you're weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile. If books are your life and you couldn't possibly live without them, copy and paste this in your profile. (MY PRECIOUSSSSSSSEESSSSSSSSSS) If you have a profile, paste this on your profile. If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile. If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile. (I got 31 bites at one time -_-) If you ever want to be a cat copy and paste this into your profile (Everybody wants to be a cat!) If you hate obnoxious, snobby people PLEASE copy and paste this in your profile. If you've gotten completely zoned out of a conversation that you don't even remember what you were talking about copy and paste this in your profile. If you ever got zoned out for more than five minutes copy and paste this in your profile. (record, 21) If you think that looks don't matter copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away then remembered, copy this into your profile. (every day!) If you have a really bad memory, copy and...what was I doing again? If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. (I like to have conversations with my reflection, she totally gets me!) If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile. (TUNAFISH JAM JARS HOUSE LOVECAKE BARF) If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile (Twenty-seven of them, thank you very much) If you don't fit the description of the non-existent word of 'normal', then put this into your profile right now!! ("normal" people are the weird ones!) If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do... If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Reasons. Who needs em?) If you ever threatened a computer or video game console, add this to your profile (Dumb laptop. Why does it have so many problems!?) If you have ever threatened inanimate objects, copy and paste this into your profile. (whenever I accidentally kick something and hurt myself, it's THEIR FAULT!!!!) If sometimes you just read and tune the people around you out, copy and paste this into your profile. (My mom hates it!) If sometimes you got in trouble by your teacher for reading in class, copy and paste this to your profile (Dumb teachers. they're just jealous I have the coolest books around!) If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile. (I'M GONNA GROW THEM SOMEDAY!!!!!!) If you're reading this instead of doing something you really need to do, copy this into your profile. If you have every tripped on a flat surface, copy and paste this into your profile. Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, C&P! If you like fire and fireworks and explosions and things that go boom, copy and paste this to your profile. If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile. If you love ice cream, copy this and paste this into your profile. (CCCHHHHHOOOOCCCOOOOLLLAAAATTTTEEEE!!!!!!!) There are three kinds of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who don't know what the heck is happening. (somehow, I can be all three at the same time) I'M A SMIDIOT (smart-idiot) AND PROUD OF IT! If you are a smidiot, paste this on your profile. Fire [x] You have a short temper [x] You often act on your emotions without thinking first [x] You are very competitive [x] You like to play with fire ] You are not a strong swimmer or you can't swim at all ]You prefer warm weather over cold weather [x] You often lose control over yourself [x] You can be quite reckless ] You sometimes hurt people without realizing it [x] People have often called you insane 7/10. Water ] You have a calm, laid-back personality [x] You like to go to the beach [x] You rarely get angry ] When you do get angry, you know how to control it ] You think before you act. [x] You are good at breaking up fights. (Erm, by yelling "Shut up!") [x]You are a great swimmer. [x] You like the rain. ] You can stay calm in stressful situations. ] You are very generous. 5/10. Earth ] You are physically strong. ] You have a close connection with nature. ] You don't mind getting dirty. (Ew. No.) [x] You form strong opinions on issues that concern you. ] You could easily survive in the wild. [x] You care about the environment. [x] You can easily focus on your work without getting distracted. ] You rarely get depressed. ] You aren't afraid of anything. ] You prefer to have a strict set of rules. 3/10. Air [x] You have a free spirit. [x] You hate rules. ] You prefer to be out in the open rather than in small, enclosed spaces. [x] You hate to be restrained. [x] You are independent. [x] You are quite intelligent. [x] You tend to be impatient. [x] You are easily distracted. [x] You can sometimes be hyperactive and/or annoying. [x] You wish you could fly. 9/10 Darkness ] You spend most of your time alone. (only when I'm writing!) ] You prefer nighttime over daytime. ] You like creepy things. ] You like to play tricks on people. ] Black is your favorite color. ] You prefer the villains over the heroes in movies, TV shows, video games, etc. [x] You don't talk much. ] You are atheist. (Umm, no thank you.) [x] You don't mind watching scary movies. [x] You love to break the rules. 3/10 Light [x] You are very polite. [x] You are spiritual. [x] When someone is in trouble, you never hesitate to help them. ] You believe everything you see or hear. [x] You are afraid of the dark. ] You hate violence. [x] You hope for world peace. [x] You are generally a happy person. [x] Everyone loves to be around you. ] You always follow the rules. 7/10 So, I'm Air and Fire. Hmm. You Know You're a Writer When; You have the last chapters of a story done before even thinking of the characters names. 1) Are you in a relationship with someone? Nope. 2) Do you hate more than 3 people? WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY more. 3) How many houses have you lived in? Ermm... Three? 4) Favorite candy bar? Three Musketeers! 5) Favorite shoes? Converse and Nike. 6) Have you ever tripped someone? Umm, yes. Actually, I tripped someone running through the halls today. Sadly, it was on purpose. 7) Least favorite school subject? Choir. Maybe P. E. 8) Favorite school subject? Literature or Math. 9) Do you own a Britney Spears CD? I hate her, so no. 10) Have you ever thrown up in public? No. But some kid did in October. Major ew. 11) Name one thing that is always on your mind. Food. 12) Favorite genre of music? Pop 13) How many pets do you own? One cat, one frog, four fish. 14) What time were you born? 9:30 P.M. 15) Do you like beer? No. And I never will. Plus, I'M A MINOR! 16) Ever made a prank phone call? Yes, to strangers and my best friend. 17) What is the most embarrassing CD you own? I don't buy embarrassing music, sooooo... 18) Are you sarcastic? No //she says sarcastically// 19) Is anyone in your family famous? Errr... no? 20) How many watches do you own? Two or three. I think they broke. 21) Summer or winter? SUMMER!!! 23) Favorite color to wear? White, I guess. 24) Pepsi or Sprite? Sprite FTW! 25) What color is your cell phone? I only have an iPod, sadly. 26) Where is your second home? My BFF's house. 27) Have you ever slapped someone? Yes! :D Okay, maybe it's not the best thing. 28) Have you ever had a cavity? Once. 29) How many lamps are in your bedroom? One. 30) How many video games do you own!? A bazillion, but I don't have an Xbox or a PS. 31) What was your first pet? Fidget Oswald Richard Tuna Mango T. I know, real original for a cat. 32) Ever had braces? Right now, actually. 33) Do looks matter? Sure...? I mean, I try not to look like a TOTAL slob. Just like a person. 34) Do you use chapstick? Yes. 35) Name 3 teachers from your High School. Mrs. Not, Mr. In, and Ms. HIGH SCHOOL. 36) American Eagle or Abercrombie? AE? I guess? 37) Are you too forgiving? No, not at all. In fact, I tend to hold grudges for too long. 38) How many children do you want? Two or three. 39) Do you own something from Hot Topic? No. 40) Favorite breakfast meal? Cereal & bacon. 41) Do you own a gun? No. 42) Ever thought you were in love? No. 43) When was the last time you cried? Last... Night...? 44) What did you do 3 nights ago? Sleep. 45) Olive Garden? La Panera? Umm, umm, umm, Both? 46) Have you ever called your teacher mom? Nope. 47) Have you ever been in a castle? No. 48) Nicknames? None that I'm telling you. 49) Do you know anyone named Bertha? Bertha?! Erm, my GRANDMA. 50) Ever been to Kentucky? KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN! …No. 51) Do you own something from Banana Republic? What in the fudge? 52) Are you thinking about somebody right now? No... 53) Have you ever called someone Boo? Boo? Teasing, yes. I don't use it like that, though. 55) Do you own a diamond ring? Nope. 56) Are you happy with your life right now? No comment. 57) Do you dye your hair? Sadly, no. 58) Does anyone like you? Umm... No? 59) What year were you born? That would be giving away my age, so nope! ;) 60) What were you doing in May of 1994? I don't wanna go in-depth about that… Oh, wait. I didn't exist yet. 61) Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD? What in StarClan?!?! 62) McDonalds or Wendy's? McDonald's. 63) Do you like yourself? HAHA… HAHAHA… Ha… Um… 64) Are you closer to your mother or father? Er… Um… Hmm… …My cats? 65) Favorite physical feature of the preferred gender? Hair, probs. 66) Are you afraid of the dark? No, but I like daytime better. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: Always take the time to smell the roses...and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee. It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely. I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else. Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows. Stupid is just a 5 letter word. Don't ask me to think inside my head, because I lost my inside voice. No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning. If UFO's are supposed to be so intelligent, then why have they abducted humans? Anyone who says "As easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it. That that is, is. That that is not, is not. That that is is not that that is not, and that that is not is not that that is. If you got a problem, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it. I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself. Work is blackmail for survival. Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys. When all else fails, use duct tape. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. My Reality Check bounced. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing If... The Jonas Brothers (or JB, or One Direction) were standing on the top of an eighteen story building, 95 out of 100 girls would be standing there screaming and crying. Copy and paste this into your profile you're the 5 that would be dragging a lawn chair over there with popcorn and some soda, shrieking: "Jump! Jump" For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumb-war with yourself (i find that i am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out, nor wants to be. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Harry Potter, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. If your one of the teenage girls that has to be pinned down in order to have makeup put on... copy and paste this onto your profile (Say to a boy:) Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder. I'm the type of girl that manages to plan a whole world domination in History class. I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago. It's us versus the world...we attack at dawn! Real friends don't let you do stupid things... alone. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face. WHO ARE YOU MOSTLY LIKE?(The sentences in bold apply to me!) KATNISS You would do anything to protect your family. You have good aim. You hate cats. You like to wear your hair in a braid. You find sticking to instructions tough. You aren't too fond of people in general. You hate being indebted to people. You hold grudges. You wouldn't describe yourself as a warm, friendly person—you've got about as much charm as a dead slug. When you sing, the birds fall silent. 8 PEETA You're an artist. You love to bake. You can decorate well. Manipulating people comes naturally for you. (Not that I always do it) You're clever. Your favorite color is orange. People tend to be charmed by you. You're a fantastic liar. You're a hopeless romantic. You have a strong sense of self. 8 GALE You question everything. You're very defiant. You're spontaneous. You're a rebel with a cause. You would do absolutely anything for justice. People would describe you as being good-looking. You’re very intelligent. If your friend was in trouble, you'd do anything to try and help them. You hate your Government. You don't mind providing for your family 6 FINNICK You like sugar cubes. Others often describe you as sexy or gorgeous. You've been used for your looks. You're a skilled swimmer. When you're anxious, your hands have to be occupied—with knots or something of that nature. You're popular, but don't want to be. You're protective. When the person you love isn't with you, you feel lost and lonely. There's more to you than what people see. You hate it when people judge you or others before getting to know them. 6 PRIM You're innocent. You have blonde hair. You adore animals. You love helping people in need. People seem to be fond of you. Over time you've become quite wise. You are nurturing. When you're older, you want to be a doctor or a nurse. You have an older brother or sister who would do anything for you. You are very forgiving. 5 CINNA You're creative. You root for the underdog You dress simply. You stand up for your cause. Your hair is simple and easily manageable. You tend to have brilliant ideas. You would be willing to die for a cause. You are brave. Your ideas are very 'out there' and they stand out from the rest. You aren't like anybody you live with. 8 EFFIE You're somewhat materialistic. You've dyed your hair a wild color. You're somewhat naïve. You're chirpy. You're punctual and hate lateness. Etiquette is important to you. You're rich. (Well, my dad is, and I live with him, sooo.) You can be considered an airhead. While you may seem shallow, you have hidden depths. You hate where you work. 4 HAYMITCH You’re very sarcastic. You get drunk often. Outsmarting others is a talent of yours. You're very lonely. You're very intelligent. You tell it like it is. You're dependent on something/someone. You're grumpy. You're cunning. 6 JOHANNA You're a bold, gutsy person. People might call you crazy. You want things to be fair. You've had a rough time in life. You really don't like most people. You have short hair. You don't like being in water. You're defiant. You're lonely. You have bad memories which you can't seem to let go of. 5 RUE You love music. You're small and graceful. You hum often. You inspire others. You’re always hungry. People underestimate you. You're innocent. You're smarter than you look. You're an underdog. You're a good singer. 9 Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver! When in doubt, push random buttons! There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. Some people are like Slinky's. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs. Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to. Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run--he hates that. Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from. Come to the dark side. We have cookies. Dear math, I am not a therapist, solve your own problems. When life gives you lemons, keep them cause hey, free lemons. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. I have not yet begun to procrastinate. Sometimes I wonder "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" then, it hits me. I don't suffer from insanity . . . I enjoy every minute of it. WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps . . . I tend to walk into walls and off the occasional cliff. There are three kinds of people in the world: those that can count, and those that can't. The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader. You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us. Slinky escalator = endless fun People tell me I'm weird and I say "You just figured that out?" Best friends are the people that know all about you and still put up with you. It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. I dream of a better tomorrow- where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned. I don't have a short attention span, I just - ooh, a kitty! I'm not insane . . . I just do whatever the voices tell me to. I don't obsess; I think intensely. At my lemonade stand, I use to give the first glass free and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote. If you can't convince them, confuse them. The statistics of insanity is that one in every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If it's not them, it's you. The buddy system is essential to survival; it gives the enemy something else to shoot at. If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving. Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you. Whoever said words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before. I do not deny everything. Always proofread to make you sure you don’t any words out. You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then. When you get caught looking at him, remember he was looking back. I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago. Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls. Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and heck is afraid I'll take over. I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive. Who ever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious mental problems. I'm not lost, I'm exploring. Last night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING? Do you still believe the Saturday sub auto pilot malfunctioned and crashed all by itself when I was 7?- Zak -Dear China, Where do you dig your holes to? Sincerely, A Curious American. -Dear Lost Keys, Touché. Sincerely, Lost Phone on Silent. -Dear kids, Give the silly rabbit some Trix already! Sincerely, concerned about the rabbits mental health. -Dear black hole at the bottom of my backpack, Please stop eating my pens and pencils and homework. I kind of need those. Sincerely, unprepared Student Okay, I just got a pet rock, and here's how to take care of it: Your pet rock and you. Your pet rock will be a devoted friend and companion for many years to come. Rocks enjoy a rather long life span so the two of you will never have to part-at least not on your pet rock's account. Once you have transcended the awkward training stage your rock will mature into a faithful, obedient, loving pet with but one purpose in life-to be at your side when you want it to, and to go lie down when you don't. A pet rock is perfect for people who hate animals, are allergic to animals, or who are not allowed to keep animals. When you own a pet rock you haver have problems with leash law violations, you'll never have to clean up nasty messes, and your pet will haver keep you and the neighbors awake at night. Pet rocks are welcome anywhere! SECTION ONE Simple obedience. Come. It is essential that your pet rock learn this command. A rock that doesn't come when it's called will cause its owner endless embarassment. To teach the command COME, place your rock on the floor or ground and take a few steps backward. Next, bending over from the waist, place your hands upon your knees and face your rock. Now, with firm authority, say COME PEDRA. (If you have not named your rock Pedra you may wish to say something else.) Repeat the command, COME PEDRA. Assuming your rock is normal, it will probably now respond. Start again. Bending over from the waits, face your rock, clap your hands, and let your face light up as you cay, COME PEDRA, C'MON FELLA, HERE GIRL, and stuff like that. Now, start walking slowly towards your rock. Incredibly, as you walk toward your rock, you will notice that it actually is coming closer. This means your pet rock is learning to command, COME. Praise your rock and give it a pat of approval. Stay. The next command to teach your rock is STAY. It is very important that your pet rock learn this command as it is dosconcerting to have a rock that will wander around while you are shopping for groceries or having your hair done. Return to your training area and set your rock upon the floor or ground. Look at your rock intently, like you really mean business, and give the command, STAY. Surprisingly, most rocks have no difficulty learning this command and respond quite obediently the first time they hear it. Repeat the command, STAY, and slowly back away from your rock. If your rock should move, and this is highly unlikely, shout the command while gesturing dramatically with the palm of your outstretched hand. In no time at all your pet rock will be responding to this obedience command each and every time. With further patience you can train your rock to STAY by using only the hand signals. Sit. This is not a difficult command to teach a pet rock as most rocks spend the bulk of their time sitting around anyways. However, a refresher course is certainly in order since you will want your rock to sit when you want it to, not when it wants to. Place your rock in its training area and give the command, SIT. Many rocks will attempt to deceive you by lying down, thinking that you won't know the difference. This should not be encouraged! If you say, SIT, then your rock should sit, and that's all there is to it. Here is a simple method to ensure your pet rock always obeys your commands: Repeat the order, SIT, and slowly walk away from your rock. Now, hide in another room and, from time to time, peek in on your rock to make sure it hasn't moved. If it lies down, when it should be sitting, storm into the room and shout, BAD ROCK, BAD ROCK! Your pet rock will know it has displeased you and will return to the sitting position. It will also know who's the boss! Once your pet rock learns the command, SIT, add the command, STAY. Your rock will now remain sitting until further notice. Down. It would be cruel to leave your rock in the sitting position forever. Therefore, it is necessary that you teach it the command, DOWN. After sitting for a long period of time your rock will appreciate the chance to relax. It is also nice, when you have house guests, to own a pet rock that will lie, unobtrusively and lovingly, at your feet. Teaching the command, DOWN, is best accomplished in conjunction with the command, SIT. After your pet rock has been in the sitting position for a while, give it the command, DOWN. If you've made a big fuss about your rock sitting properly it may be reluctant to move. Place your foot upon your rock and push it firmly into the carpet or dirt. It won't take long before your rock understands what you want it to do. DOWN is another of the training commands that most rocks respond to with a minimum of teaching. It is in a pet rock's nature that it learns to get down so easily. Praise your rock and give it a gently, reassuring hug. Stand. You're a little confused if you think a pet rock can be taught to STAND. A rock has no feet. Heel. It is extremely unusual to see a rock strolling around unaccompanied. There's a very good reason for this. Most pet rock owners have had the patience and good judgment to teach the command, HEEL. To teach your pet rock to HEEL, simply follow these easy steps. First, place your pet rock on the floor or ground directly behind your right heel. Next, give the command, HEEL, and stand aboslutely still. Slowly, without moving your feet, turn and look down at your rock. You will be both pleased and amazed to see it is still there, right where you want it to be, directly behind your right heel. Your pet rock has learned the command. Praise your rock. SECTION TWO Amusing Tricks. Few pets are more anxious to please their masters than are pet rocks. It is surprisingly easy to teach your rock cute little tricks that will entertain you and your friends for hours. Roll Over. Your pet rock will learn this trick the very first time you give it a lesson. That statement may be hard to believe but it is, nevertheless, quite true. The best place to teach your pet rock to ROLL OVER is on the side of a hill. Place your rock on the ground at the top of a hill and give the command, ROLL OVER. Now, let go of your rock. It's that simple! Your rock will roll end-over-end and will not stop until it tires of the game. Pet rocks usually get tired of the game when they reach the bottom of the hill. Follow your rock and praise it profusely. This praise will make your pet rock very happy and it will repeat the trick as soon as you return it to the top of the hill. You will tire of this trick long before your pet rock does. Play Dead. Your pet rock will take to this trick like a duck takes to water. It is one of the most entertaining tricks a rock can learn, and a trick that is sure to get many affectionate laughs and approving glances from you and your friends. Take your pet rock to its training area and, when you have its undivided attention, give the command, PLAY DEAD. If your rock is like most rocks it will not have to be told more than once. Immediately, it will go completely stiff as though rigor mortis has set in, and will remain in this posture until you give a different command. Rocks enjoy this trick so much that often, when you're not even looking, they'll actually practice it on their own. It's not unusual to walk into a room and see a pet rock playing dead. Shake Hands. Don't be ridiculous. You can't teach a rock to shake hands. Fetch. To teach your pet rock to FETCH, throw a stick or a ball as far as you can. Next, throw your pet rock as far as you can. Rarely, if ever, will your pet rock return with the object, but that's the way it goes. Attack Training. A rock is a loyal, devoted pet that can easily be trained to protect you and your family. Woe be to the burglar or prowler who ventures into the home guarded by a pet rock-or the mugger who attempts to accost a pet rock's master. There are two basic attack methods to teach your pet rock. 1.) Long Distance Attacks 2.) Close Range Attacks Long Distance Attacks. In those instances when your adversary is at a distance (such as when a bully kicks sand in your face on the beach and keeps on running), your pet rock will respond to the challenge instantly and effectively in assuring that it never happens again. First, wipe the sand from your eyes. Next pick up your pet rock. Shout the command, ATTACK!, and throw your rock at the bully with all your might. This method of protection is sure-fire and results are guaranteed, although you may want to practice your aim before attempting this maneuver. Close Range Attacks. If you are threateded at close range always use the Close Range Attack Method; it is the ultimate form of personal protection. The element of surprise enters into this attack method, thereby making it doubly effective. When the adversary approaches within arm's length and demands all your money, credit cards, and other valuables follow these easy steps: Reach into your pocket or purse as though you were going to comply with the mugger's demands. Extract your pet rock. Shout the command, ATTACK. And bash the mugger's head in. Pet rocks really seem to enjoy this exercise and, in most cases, come away from the attack little the worse for wear. NOTE: Owners of Attack Trained pet rocks have a responsibility to society to use their dangerous pets for protection only, and not for instigating trouble of any kind. In closing... As the owner of a pet rock you have assumed a responsibility to love and care for this new addition to your family. If your rock should misbehave, be patient.If it should cause your problems, be forgiving. Under no circumstances should you turn your pet rock loose. The world is already overcrowded with discarded, unwanted rocks, and millions must be destroyed each year. These poor, unfortunate rocks meet brutal ends in roadbeds, cement mixers, or as land fill. Don't allow your pet rock to meet an untimely demise at the bottom of an obscure pile of rubble. Remember; if you take care of your pet rock, your pet rock will take care of you. | |||||||
Apprentice and Pregnant 2 by malicent reviews
Catmint Glow by malicent reviews
Broken Heart, Broken Mind by Keeper of the Forbidden Cities reviews
Shank, I'm Fabulous by Absolutely Taylor reviews
Apprentice and Pregnant by malicent reviews
The Trouble With Rain by Empress Tansy reviews
Jayfeathers Room of Lightning 2 by malicent reviews
Jayfeathers Room of Lightning by malicent reviews
The Sisters Grimm FF University by Sensei of Awesomeness reviews
Avoiding Cliches Like the Plague by Socks-With-Stripes reviews
The Warriors Movie by Elisafairy reviews
Warriors Wipeout reviews