LissaKins
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Joined 03-10-09, id: 1862520, Profile Updated: 11-11-09

Hi! Welcome to my peachy profile!

About Me:

Name: Alissa

Band(s) of the Moment: Hollywood Undead, MGMT

Favorite Shows: House, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, CSI:LV, The Mentalist, Lie to Me, NCIS, Bones, Psych, Burn Notice, Mental

Favorite Movies: Pirates of the Carribbean 1,2 and 3, Stardust, The Spirit, Yes Man, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, Empire Records, Anything Disney, Finding Nemo


Quotes

"Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?"

"Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"

"After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist finally said to me 'Maybe life isn't for everyone'"

"You wanna know how I got these scars?"

"You are a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day"

"You're like our brother... half-brother?... weird kid that lives down the street and eats nothing but mayonaise on saltines?"

"They could build monuments to your self-centeredness"

"Let's shoot him!... No, let's cut out his tongue!... No, no, no let's shoot him, cut out his tongue, then shoot his tongue!"

"Now I'm being followed by a rock... lovely"

"I hate funerals. They're depressing, they play organ music, and six times out of ten there is a snake in the casket!"

"Muffins are just ugly cupcakes, but we love them anyway"

"What's the fun in being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?"

"We're so cool ice cubes are jealous"

"I like running with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous"

"Sometimes I creep myself out"

"Come to the darkside, we have cookies"

"If you choke a smurf what color would it turn?"

"Are people born stupid or do they have to work at it?"

"I have lots of ideas. Trouble is most of them suck"

"The problem with reality is that there's no backround music"

"If you think things can't get worse, than you lack suffiencent imagination"

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it"

"Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them"

"You're just jealous 'cause the voices only talk to me"

"When life gives you lemons, squirt them in your enemy's eyes"

"I can set ants on fire with a magnefying glass... at night"

"I like my coffee black, just like my brain-damaged neurologists"

"No one grows up in Florida unless they're an orange"

"It usually starts with a holla and ends with a cremesicle... and if there's time in between...THUNDERCATS!"

"This conversaion is now over because I have officially run out of things to call the guy"

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch and we came to see if you would share"

"How do you tell when someone's a compulsive liar? Assuming their pants aren't already on fire?"

"Nice job partner! You drove through those obstacles like a...ferret...on roller skates"

"You're pocket knife is still in my back incase you're wondering"

"Put that in your pipe and smoke it"

"How 'bout them apples?"

"We have come to the conclusion that it was Colonal Mustard, in the conservatory, with the wrench!"

"Did you know before he stabbed a guy he was actually a life coach?... Who would hire him as a life coach?... The guy he stabbed"

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming like the passengers in his car"

"Flying is learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss"

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me in kickboxing"

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, but because I hate plants"

"I love to go down to the school yard and watch the little kids jump around and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks"

"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the refill. The refill contained the antidote"

"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend"

"I used to think the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I relized who was telling me this"

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."

"Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons."

"What side do you put it on?"

"For a while, I really wanted to be gay. But it didn't work out for me."

"I heard they're not letting you guys get drunk. Sucks for you!"

"I have guy friends of the female gender"

"But if you put ice cubes in it, my water will get all watery"

"I'm English,we don't use guns, we use our foreheads"

"Your the type of moron who goes to jail for a crime you didn't commit. See, what I should do is shoot you and tell the cops you attacked me after confesseng to the murder"

"Legally, since it was with my stuff, can I claim it as my own and toss it into a volcano?"

"He probably figured Vincent here would panic and throw it out because, well, he's English"

"You know I'm straight, right?"

"I'm not afraid of heights! However I am afraid of falling out of this tree"

"Ring, ring... Hello"

"Shit, I mean shoot. No, actually, I mean shit. I really do"

"I wish you were here...in my room...on my bed...the lights are off...we go under the blanket...and I show you my new watch that glows in the dark!!..."

"I'd like to take a stab at you with my very large dic...tionary"

"Fish are friends, not food"

"Hello...I'm Batman"

"When I have a kid, I want to put him in one of those strollers for twins and then run around the mall looking frantic"

"Don't get high on life, cereal hurts when it gets stuck up your nose"

"Can you help me find my puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room"

"Never laugh at a clown with a gun"

"I think that the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game charades...or a game of fake heart attack"

"If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged I'd probably start calling out letters"

"If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half"

"I like parties, but I don't like pinatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey there's a donkey with some pizzazz...let's kick his ass. What I'm trying to say is don't make the same Halloween costume mistake I did"

"Long lay the world, in sin and error pining, til he appeared, and the soul felt it's worth"

"Tastes like tinfoil"

"Eat my shorts!"

"I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat"

"If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered"

"Years of love have been forgotten in the hatred of a minute"

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If Every Word I Said Could Make You Laugh by carmelinagunn reviews
Bella moved to LA and has found "sisters" in 2 of her school mates. They meet 3 brothers in their new apt building & experiences love in more ways than one, in more depth than she knew was possible. Zip up your love. Read IEWIS. AH, regular pairings.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 46 - Words: 291,233 - Reviews: 5129 - Favs: 5,435 - Follows: 1,517 - Updated: 5/29/2014 - Published: 7/9/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Welcome to Drama Academy by twilightluver001 reviews
All the girls in East Coast Academy wanted one thing- the king, the playboy of the school,EDWARD CULLEN. What happens when the beautiful Isabella arrives and Edward is determined to make her his? Will she fall for the playboy? All HUMAN.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,055 - Reviews: 13068 - Favs: 6,126 - Follows: 2,784 - Updated: 11/7/2011 - Published: 12/31/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Welcome to the Real World by twilightluver001 reviews
Sequel to "Welcome to Drama Academy". As Bella and Edward continue pursuing their careers, they find life isn't as easy as they thought it would be. How will they overcome the pressure from work and family together? Takes place 6 years after Drama Academy
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 163,948 - Reviews: 5867 - Favs: 2,650 - Follows: 2,493 - Updated: 8/20/2011 - Published: 9/27/2008 - Complete
Bella Hale by JulesSC reviews
Six year old Isabella Swan was orphaned after a car crash took her parents away, and Edward and the Cullens find her. Alice decides to keep her, and Edward tries to protect her. Family drama and hilarity ensues as Bella grows up and ExB happens.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 51 - Words: 386,995 - Reviews: 13636 - Favs: 8,608 - Follows: 6,363 - Updated: 7/8/2011 - Published: 11/21/2008 - Edward, Bella
Between Two Trees by carmelinagunn reviews
A story about Edward told through Bella. A love story. A loss story. A fantasy story. "When I grow up I want to be nothing at all" No vamps, canon pairings, AU.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 54,940 - Reviews: 506 - Favs: 255 - Follows: 372 - Updated: 7/2/2010 - Published: 9/25/2009 - Edward, Bella
Once upon a December by Wish-Eleven reviews
Bella just moved to Forks when she meets a group of unlikely kids…. will friendship blossom or perhaps something more. All human…. All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 60 - Words: 77,201 - Reviews: 1279 - Favs: 523 - Follows: 401 - Updated: 4/5/2010 - Published: 7/26/2007 - Complete
Alphabet Weekends by the-glory-days reviews
Bored with their dismal love lives, best friends Edward and Bella come up with the idea of exploring the world of sex using the alphabet for the next twenty-six weekends. What happens when things go from two friends having fun to something serious? AH OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 34 - Words: 124,991 - Reviews: 11480 - Favs: 11,908 - Follows: 6,021 - Updated: 3/13/2010 - Published: 3/12/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Controlled Burn by staceygirl aka jackbauer reviews
Summary: Bella has always joked about marrying Alice’s much younger brother so she could be a part of her best friend’s family, but now he’s all grown up and hot. Bella tries to control the burn for him, but it quickly becomes a raging fire. ExB AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 124,722 - Reviews: 11578 - Favs: 5,116 - Follows: 2,385 - Updated: 2/25/2010 - Published: 9/13/2009 - Complete
Kismet by Annilaia reviews
AU AH "I want to fall in love with you" was all the postcard in his hand said.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,308 - Reviews: 437 - Favs: 385 - Follows: 479 - Updated: 2/8/2010 - Published: 10/6/2009 - Bella, Edward
I Hate You with an Insurmountable Passion by Crittab reviews
Bella Swan would like to think she truly hates Edward Cullen. Of course, that's what makes sex with him so damn fun. E/B, All Human, AU. Rated a hard M for Lemons. Complete. NEW: An outtake auctioned off in support of Haiti!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 16 - Words: 53,981 - Reviews: 1539 - Favs: 2,294 - Follows: 973 - Updated: 1/26/2010 - Published: 10/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
More More More by carmelinagunn reviews
This is the sequel to If Every Word I Said Could Make You Laugh. You do need to read that to understand this. Zip up your love one more time and read More!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 248,187 - Reviews: 5896 - Favs: 2,915 - Follows: 1,893 - Updated: 1/18/2010 - Published: 9/29/2008 - Complete
I Hold It All When I Hold You by itsonlylife12 reviews
Edward is in his third year of college when his sister starts at the same school. What will Edward do when he meets Alice’s beautiful roommates and what kind of crazy trouble will the six get themselves into? All human, first FanFiction, R&R, M for later.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 40 - Words: 122,780 - Reviews: 695 - Favs: 676 - Follows: 354 - Updated: 11/2/2009 - Published: 4/30/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Faking It by spanglemaker9 reviews
Half of Hollywood's most famous couples are faking it. That's how Bella Swan's publicist convinces her to pretend to date troubled Hollywood bad boy Edward Cullen. And she'll do anything for her band and her music.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 32 - Words: 144,679 - Reviews: 6020 - Favs: 10,466 - Follows: 3,428 - Updated: 10/30/2009 - Published: 6/20/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Across the Ocean by Annilaia reviews
In one quick and thoughtless act, Bella Swan sends a letter in a bottle across the ocean. It reaches England, where Edward Cullen finds it, and begins their correspondance, one that leads to more than either of them could expect. AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 54,489 - Reviews: 3679 - Favs: 5,651 - Follows: 1,407 - Updated: 10/6/2009 - Published: 12/31/2007 - Complete
Youth, Caesar, and the Neverending Needles by ahemyywe150 reviews
Roommates at the age of 17. More like jail mates. And you don't fall in love in jail. Well, you do if your father's a suddenly hospitable cop who takes in a dangerously beautiful deliquent as a favor to said deliquent's father. All Human. Summary inside.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 9 - Words: 41,073 - Reviews: 823 - Favs: 332 - Follows: 496 - Updated: 7/14/2009 - Published: 5/2/2009 - Bella, Edward
I'm Gonna Bite You! by ahemyywe150 reviews
Edward and Bella have known each other since they were little. Before freshman year of higschool, Edward moves away. Two years later, Bella moves too, and finds Edward at the same school she is going to. Can you say clashing? I can.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 71,547 - Reviews: 1361 - Favs: 829 - Follows: 960 - Updated: 7/12/2009 - Published: 7/22/2008 - Bella, Edward
Maria by ahemyywe150 reviews
All human! Bella is aspiring towards her dream job but when a family crisis hits her, she has to adapt. This means getting a job as a babysitter for a cute little kid. Except there's one little snag: the kid's brother, Edward Cullen. BxE R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 100,004 - Reviews: 3041 - Favs: 2,648 - Follows: 1,394 - Updated: 5/2/2009 - Published: 6/22/2008 - Complete
Meyer University by Sh.C reviews
Bella moves to college where she meets and befriends the Cullens and Hales. Edward Cullen goes through many girls he meets Bella & sees something he likes. Much better Summary Inside. All Human. Adventure, mystery, humor & of course,a little romance! AU
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 63 - Words: 184,281 - Reviews: 8396 - Favs: 6,110 - Follows: 2,269 - Updated: 1/8/2009 - Published: 11/2/2007 - Complete
Total Eclipse of the Heart by ashel-13 reviews
Actress Bella Swan has been getting mysterious letters making her enlist the aide of body guard, Edward Cullen. But will he do more than protect her body? She finds there's more to the SWAT officer than meeets the eye, and wants him all the more. OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 161,936 - Reviews: 4268 - Favs: 4,219 - Follows: 1,790 - Updated: 1/7/2009 - Published: 7/18/2008 - Complete
Once Friends, Now What? by Just Call Me Mrs Cullen reviews
Bella and Edward were childhood friends, but Bella moved away. 6 years later they meet again at college. Bella is no longer the tomboy she once was and Edward has become quite the ladies man. What happens when they reunite? ALL HUMAN Full summary inside
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 93,523 - Reviews: 4285 - Favs: 2,771 - Follows: 1,464 - Updated: 10/20/2008 - Published: 2/10/2008 - Complete
A World Without Sound by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
AU, BxE. My name is Bella Swan; good at sign language and karate. My best friend is deaf, and you know what? It doesn't matter. Won twice at Twilight Awards, and has been nominated more. Please review!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 22 - Words: 105,849 - Reviews: 7809 - Favs: 9,739 - Follows: 2,783 - Updated: 9/27/2008 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
My Aphrodisiac by technically a lie reviews
Bella is an Exchange student sent from Florida to live In Forks for a year...What happens when she meets her amazing house brother Edward? They say Teenage boys have a need to use their libido...what about teenage girls? All HUMAN BXE
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 31,284 - Reviews: 1650 - Favs: 1,449 - Follows: 791 - Updated: 6/11/2008 - Published: 3/10/2008 - Complete
This Lullaby by jojoStarr reviews
Bella leaves her home in Phoenix, AZ and goes to Cullen University in Seattle, WA to pursue her dream as a musician. What happens when she meets the principal's son Edward Cullen? But most importantly, what sort of threat does an ex pose to her life?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 66,560 - Reviews: 1814 - Favs: 1,523 - Follows: 559 - Updated: 5/15/2008 - Published: 2/6/2008 - Complete
Love Thy Neighbour by BookMe reviews
Alice and Rosalie work at Vogue and need an interesting topic for their next month's article. Edward moves into town, and Bella has two weeks off work. What will happen when a pair of sneeky Cupids come out to play? All Human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 63,134 - Reviews: 746 - Favs: 727 - Follows: 273 - Updated: 4/22/2008 - Published: 3/24/2008 - Complete
Bellatouille by cookybabe reviews
AU: All human. Bella is a chef in a classy restaurant. She learns that passion for food and another chef can whip up one tasty and incredible recipe. Filled with fun tales of the restaurant life, a giant splash of romance, and a dash of clumsiness. BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 36,036 - Reviews: 595 - Favs: 1,059 - Follows: 346 - Updated: 4/20/2008 - Published: 12/10/2007 - Complete
All Aboard by BookMe reviews
Rosalie, Alice and Bella win a 3week luxury cruise around the Caribbean where they meet Emmett, Jasper and Edward. Pleanty going on in this story. Also my personal favourite; All human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 80,563 - Reviews: 1207 - Favs: 1,473 - Follows: 445 - Updated: 4/2/2008 - Published: 2/17/2008 - Complete
I Don't Trust Myself With Loving You by kirstie23 reviews
Through the wonderful use of Myspace, Bella, living in Florida and Edward, living in Forks, become the best of friends. Once she moves to Forks things change and Bella knows her life will never be the same. Feelgood romantic story. ALL HUMAN.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 11 - Words: 18,506 - Reviews: 528 - Favs: 618 - Follows: 262 - Updated: 12/22/2007 - Published: 11/4/2007 - Complete
Hey There Bella by Annilaia reviews
Hey There Delilah, as a story. Bella moves to the city to live with her cousin, and Edward can't help but fall head over heels. Once they're together, it's nearly impossible for them to be apart, despite protests from his best friend. [Short Story]
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 33,190 - Reviews: 449 - Favs: 599 - Follows: 157 - Updated: 11/5/2007 - Published: 9/23/2007 - Complete