![]() If Fanfiction is your way of escaping reality and the rest of the boring people in the world and truly "unleashing your imagination" then paste this on your profile. If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed. I'm the girl that when my feet touch the ground in the morning the devil says; "OH CRAP SHE'S UP!" People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs. If you can't convince them, confuse them. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. What happens if you get scared half to death... twice? Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous. I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling? When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk! Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. I smile because I have no idea what's going on! One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door... Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there! I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me? When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch them! I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead. Stressed is Desserts backwards :) Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most. You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then? I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. There's a light at the end of every tunnel...let’s just hope it's not a train. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? I am in shape...round is a shape. I don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in my pool. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, and I laugh even harder. Boys are like trees – they take fifty years to grow up. Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is. Forecast for tonight: darkness. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die. Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the heck are you scared?! Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drank my water! Dear bullies, See that boy doing his homework in homeroom? Last night he Talked His friend out of suicide. See that girl you just called fat? She is starving herself. See that old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars? He fought for our country. See that young boy you must made fun of for always being sick? He has to walk home in the snow cause his family is too poor. Re-Post this if u r against bullying. I bet 95% of u won't. Your life would probably not be as harsh as theirs. Bullies should stop bullying people. That is one cause of suicide! Bullies don't know what other people go through. If you really are against bullying please re-post this on your profile. Dumb Store Labels On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (Hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation...) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.) Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over. I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile When life gives you lemons, you throw them right back and tell it to make their own damn lemonade. If you have ever wished you could materialize a hammer/frying pan/giant fan/ wrench/etc./ out of thin air to beat someone with, put this into your profile. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends grab those knives and stab those bastards back for you. The words 'Can you get up and do this simple thing for me?' never seem to register in my brain. Deja vu- when you've done something you think you've done before, it’s because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends to see. Would you like a cookie? So would I. Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck. My mullet is better than yours . . . it's been blow torched, and it comes OFF! Knowledge is power and power corrupts. Study hard; be evil. I googled you today and I'm disturbed with what I found. The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face. I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking too good, either. STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk that desperately deserves it. (Amen to that!) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak. This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence. They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. REMEMBER WHEN getting HIGH meant swinging at a playground? the worst thing you could get from a boy was COOTIES? ' m 0 m' (was your hero) and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry? when your W0RST ENEMIES were your siblings and RACE ISSUES were about who ran fastest? when - WAR- was a card game and life was simple and care free? remember when all you wanted to do WAS GROW UP? Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: Hiding from you. Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were dropped on your head repeatedly as a baby? Guy: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Girl: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Guy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Guy: I would go to the end of the world for you. Girl: But would you stay there? Ah, marriage: Before marriage: Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get. Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Heck no, are you crazy? Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yes! Girl: Darling! After marriage (read it backwards) If something goes without saying, why do people say it? Please note : Christmas is cancelled - apparently you told Santa you were good this year ... and he died laughing. Kids Are Quick TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. TEACHER: Glen, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLEN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLEN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher. "It's always in the last place you look" Duh! If you had already found it, why would you keep looking? Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and then the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Whoever said "anything is possible" never tried to slam a revolving door. Come to the dark side, we have cookies! I ran with scissors and lived! ( i seriously think that one should be put on a t-shirt) You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff ... I laugh even harder I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive Life isn't passing me by - it's trying to run me over! Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun! A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. I swear to officer, I'm not god Mr.drunk! When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide. I don't obsess! I think intensely. Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. Music is love in search of word. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it! If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. Remember in third grade when the teachers said we need to learn cursive because we're going to use it for the rest of our lives? Haha they lied Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die. If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because you're a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, put this into your profile. You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying 'Man, that was fun!' When you fall: A friend helps you up; a best friend keeps walking and says,"Walk much dumb ass?" My favorite word is sarcasm. I didn't just hit you. I just high-fived your face. This is 'evil me'. 'Evil me' locked 'nice me' in a closet years ago. Never suffer from insanity, enjoy every minute of it. While waiting at a bus stop, if someone asks you, "Has the bus come yet?" reply, "If the bus had come, I wouldn't be standing here now would I?" Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with a pissed off me, I'll drag you down to the floor and beat you with a baseball bat. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. TRY THIS!: Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't. this is this cat this is is cat this is how cat this is to cat this is keep cat this is a cat this is retard cat this is busy cat this is for cat this is forty cat this is seconds cat Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on (or at least, smiling) She's my best friend. Break her heart and I'll break your face. (Say to a boy:) Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder. I'm the type of girl that manages to plan a whole world domination in History class. I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago. It's us versus the world...we attack at dawn! Real friends don't let you do stupid things... alone. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them? FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?" FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to bury the body of the person that made you cry. FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain. BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and runs. FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the cell with you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room or am punished? Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world. I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive. I will temporarily rule the world, forever. Lottery: a tax on people who don’t understand statistics. If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done. The problem with reality is a lack of background music. I laugh in the face of death...maybe not laugh more like a snicker...a quiet snicker, and I wouldn't do it directly in death's face so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back. I know at least three people who would love to push me down the stairs. This is weird, but interesting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!Paste this to your profile if you can read this! Name meaning thingy: A: hot I'm that girl who cries without anyone seeing it. I'm that girl who hurts herself without anyone knowing it. I'm that girl who smiles but is hurting inside. I'm that girl who guides but doesn't know what's right. I'm that girl who shines but doesn't glow in the dark. I'm that girl who's kind but never feels the mark. I'm that girl who'd fight for someone else's rights. But I'm also that girl who can't sleep at night. Outside I'm pretty, I'm glowing, I'm strong. But inside, I'm hurting, knowing I don't belong. I think of that weight that just hangs above me, Dropping onto my shoulders ever so slowly. I don't fight it, I don't struggle, I just hold it up. The force on my shoulders, I'm begging it to stop. But I just hold it together, And keep the smile on my face. Just hoping that one day, Someone can take my place. Help me take that burden off her shoulders, Look past the barriers and help me get hold of her. Take my hand and it'll weigh no more, For us girls together, can be stronger than before. Month one Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favourite lullaby. Month Two Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here. Month Three You know what Mommy I'm a boy!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me. Month Four Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too. Month Five You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion? Month Six I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me! Month Seven Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus’ arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy? Girls What a Boyfriend should do: When she walks away from you mad When she stares at your mouth When she pushes you or hits you When she starts cussing at you When she's quiet When she ignores you When she pulls away When you see her at her worst When you see her start crying When you see her walking When she's scared When she lays her head on your shoulder When she steals your favorite hat When she teases you When she doesn't answer for a long time When she looks at you with doubt When she says that she likes you When she grabs at your hands When she bumps into you When she tells you a secret When she looks at you in your eyes When she misses you When you break her heart When she says its over When she re-posts this bulletin Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.- Tease her and let her tease you back.- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.- Give her the world.- Let her wear your clothes.- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.- Let her know she's important.- Kiss her in the pouring rain.- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is; The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them? Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. I get plenty of exercise; jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines. Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust? People who say it can't be done should not interrupt those of us who are doing it. Being mature is overrated. Don't follow in my footsteps; I tend to walk into walls. 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that? Never break the heart that truly loves you Live as if you were to die tomorrow WARNING: SAD STORY AHEAD. DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANNA BE SAD. Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school He told his friends that it was cool And when he pulled the trigger back It shot with a great crack Mommy I was a good girl I did what I was told I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold But Mommy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye I'm sorry Mommy I had to go, but Mommy please don't cry When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another And all because he got the gun from his older brother Mommy please tell Daddy that I love him very much And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush And tell my little sister that she is the only one now And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best Mommy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest Mommy tell my teachers I won't show up for class And never to forget this and please don't let this pass Mommy why'd it have to be me, no one deserves this Mommy warn the others, Mommy I left without a kiss And Mommy tell the doctors I know they really did try I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry Mommy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest But Mommy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest Mommy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack Mommy listen to me if you would I wanted to go to college I wanted to try things that were new I guess I'm not going with Daddy On that trip to the new zoo I wanted to get married I wanted to have a kid I wanted to be an actress Mommy I wanted to live But Mommy I must go now The time is getting late Mommy tell my Chris I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date I love you Mommy I always have I know you know it's true Mommy all I wanted to say is "Mommy I love you" In memory of the Columbian students that were lost Please if you would Pass this around I'd be happy if you could Don't smash this on the ground If you pass this on Maybe people will cry Just keep this in heart For the people that didn't get to say "Goodbye" Now you have two choices: 1). Re-post and show you care 2). Ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart END SAD STORY |
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