Poll: Who Do You Guys Think Will Win The Games in "The Center Of The Compass?" (I will slowly pull characters names off if/when they die.) Vote Now! |
![]() Author has written 48 stories for Twilight, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Hunger Games, Shake It Up!, Hetalia - Axis Powers, Supernatural, and Walking Dead. Well, I'm my FictionPress account: ArsinoeTheQueen Open mind:Open Mind a link to my Quotev profile: (link is broken, just google it) Twitter: DeviantArt: Youtube: ArsinoëHunter Google Plus: Tumblr: animentrohetaliate.tumblr.com My AO3 Account: (;link is broken, just google it) Wattpad: link is broken, just google it) Skype: Arsinoethecatlovingqueen Kik: ArsenicArsinoe Nothing really else in here is important so if your interested go on ahead. If not just read the next two sections and then skip to the stories My Stories Status (Non-One-Shot Stories only): Aro's Revenge: Sequel to Renesmee? I'm Angel, finished. Under Construction Behind These Crimson Eyes: Finished, Sequel WIP The Center Of The Compass: WIP Milky O Awesomeway: Working on Meme 51. Should be done by tomorrow. the Forbidden Fruit Trilogy. Finished. Under construction Gold Turns to Crimson: Temp. Hiatus. ISTTYDMT: WIP Kashmir Kathleen Volturi: Daughter of Wisdom: Under Construction. As of now finished. May add more.My Sparkly Stalker: Finished, Under Construction Not In Our Favour: WIP These Are The Moments: Finished These Little Vents: WIP(never have inspiration or time to do these) Renesmee I'm Angel: Finished, Under Construction Revelations: Finished, needs construction (Hello Chapter 18) Yes, You Are So Right: Temp Hiatus see These Little Vents Ze Awesome Gingerbread Man: Finished Story Priorities 1. The Dying Ember (Fictionpress story) 2. The Center Of The Compass 3. Dying Ember Character Backstories Unpublished (Quotev and ArchiveOfOurOwn) 4. Lost In A Lifetime Book One (Fictionpress Story) 5. My new unpublished one-shot 6. I'm Starting To Think That You Don't Know That 7. Burning Trilogy Book Two Unpublished 8. Gold Turns To Crimson 9. Not In Our Favour 10. Milky O. Awesomeway 11. Lost In A Life Time and The Dying Ember Soundtrack Unpublished 12. Revelations Chapter 18 Revisions. So Yeah I have too much going on rn. NEW POLL BTW For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.) I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.I'ma CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.I'M RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no moralsI'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugsI'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriendI'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandalsI'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one". (I'm assuming this is something I don't have anyway, you know... since I'm a girl, and I'm assuming this is a male part)I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.(am I pretty? i don't even know!)I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.I'm INTO THEATER ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOOI'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceitedI'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedyI'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazyI'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamasIm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong directionIm a VIRGIN so I MUST be a prudeI'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuffI'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHAI'm MORMON so I MUST be perfectI'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm blackI'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self-control.I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie Hollister.I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve.I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelonI'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too. (not all of my friends)I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.I read Comics, so I MUST be a loserI hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horseI’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a SatanistI’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheepI’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. (I bolded this cause I hate steak when its well done. rare, medium rare or medium is good steak)I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!(I wish. It would be awesome to be albinoI'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and futureI’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loserI care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippyI'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick..I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELEDI DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcastI like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childishI'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroosI write LEMONS, so I MUST be a twisted pedophile.I wear GLASSES, so I MUST be a dork or nerd. I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head.I am QUIET and POLITE, so I MUST be a pushover.I'm a GUY with LONG HAIR, so I MUST be a hippie/druggie.I'm good with COMPUTERS, so I MUST be a nerd/geek.I don't STUDY much but still get A's, so I MUST be cheating.I don't buy DESIGNER CLOTHES, therefore I MUST be poor.I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.I like TWILIGHT so I must love EDWARD CULLEN(or Jacob) Actually I hate Bella, Edward and Jacob. I like Twilight only for the Volturi, the Clearwaters, Embry, Renesmee, Bree, Diego, and Fred. And Victoria. And Zafrina. And Benjamin and Tia. Okay, pretty much everyone but Jacob, Paul, Sam, and the CullensI DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trashI SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetishI'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actressI’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s assI’m a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbianI LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogantI’m FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexualI’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addictI LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarianI’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugsI’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my lifeI'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDSI'm ASIAN, so I MUST love mathI'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries.I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfareI'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wristsI'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terroristI'm a TOMBOY, so I MUST be a lesbianI'm ITALIAN, so I MUST eat spaghetti and meatballs everydayI'm an OUTCAST, so I MUST be a jealous loserI'm a GIRL, so I MUST be obsessed with boys and gossipI'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be frigidI'm SHY, so I MUST NOT have any friendsI have BOOBS, so I MUST be a ho. .I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have no clue.I use GOOD GRAMMAR, so I MUST be a snob.I prefer FANTASY and SCI-FI, so I MUST be out of touch with reality.I love TO LEARN so I MUST be boring.I'm WHITE, so I MUST be a racist.I'm NOT RELIGIOUS so I MUST be treated like crap until I pray to your god.I am a GIRL, so boys MUST be better than me at sports.I am a GIRL, so I MUST only be good at work.I am WHITE and I like to DANCE, so I MUST be lame.I am SKINNY, so I MUST be sensitive about my weight.I am a CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST go to church every Sunday.I am a CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST not do anything on Halloween.I am POOR, so I MUST not have good hygiene.I am a HOUSEWIFE, so I MUST have no self respect.I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat..I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak. I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. (not fully a fangirl... Somewhat of one)I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see. I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake. I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.I’m HOMESCHOOLED so I MUST be a SOCIAL REJECT with no friends, or a SPELLING BEE winner. I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistakeI can't help but BLUSH when I'm around a cute guy so I MUST be a dumb slutI'm good at SINGING so I MUST need attentionI'm QUIET so I MUST be stuck-upI sit ALONE at lunch so I MUST be snobbishI still have SLEEPOVERS with my female friends so I MUST be lesbianI'm HARD TO FIGURE OUT so I MUST be impossible to get along withI sometimes say I LOVE MY FRIENDS so I MUST be gay/lesbianI wear MAKE-UP so I MUST be uglyI DON'T wear make-up so I MUST be an outsider I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY. I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED Your Godly Parent is...(bold what you are) ZEUS You like being in charge. You often wish you could just zap someone with a thunderbolt. You were voted Class President. You try to do what’s best for everyone. You think you have what it takes to run for President. You think every problem has a solution. You love showing off. You like plane rides You are hydrophobiac 2/10 POSEIDON You feel at home in the water. Your favorite vacation place is at the beach. You enjoy snorkeling, scuba diving, surfing, etc. You want to do something about the marine species being abused today. You visit the local pool on a regular basis. You swim professionally. You hate seafood. You never get seasick. You’d rather ride a boat than a plane. You are acrophobic 4/10 HADES You’re not that much of a people person. You like staying in the dark and writing poems. You experience bad moods on a regular basis. You like listening to loud, angry music. You spend most of your time alone. You think parties are sometimes loud and annoying. You like to keep to yourself. All your closets are padlocked. You write in diary/journal. You feel most active at night. 6/10 DEMETER You own a garden. You like the great outdoors. You have a green thumb. You’re an environmentalist. You have a special connection with animals. You’re a vegetarian. You like going hiking, camping, and looking at the natural wonders of the world You always check a product if it’s environmentally-friendly. You love going to flower shops. You think global warming is a threat that must be dealt with. 3/10 ARES You often start fights. You’re a very aggressive type of person. You like watching wrestling. You’re competitive. You like reading about war. You don’t take crap from anybody. You have anger management. You never back away from a fight. Everyone does what you say. You don’t always think before you do something. 4/10 ATHENA You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge. You’re probably the only person who visit the library on a regular basis. Half of your Christmas presents last year were books. You like reading about war, mostly about the reasons and controversies behind it. You’re the valedictorian in your class. You’ve never gotten a grade below 90 in your report card. You get political jokes without asking people to explain them. You think it would be better if you were the President. You have a huge shelf of books at home. You think vinyl pocket protectors are useful. 4/10 APOLLO You’re very creative and artistic. You like listening to all kinds of music in general. You always feel sunny and optimistic. You are talented at drawing. You like writing poetry. You can play at least 3 musical instruments. You like going to art museums. You almost always win 1st Place in Art Contests. You have straight As in Art on your report card. Your school notebook has more doodles than notes. 4/10 HUNTER OF ARTEMIS You dislike boys in general. A deer is one of your favorite animals You can shoot targets You like silver. You like the moon better than the sun Zoe Nightshade is awesome You love wild animals You spend most of your time outdoors. You love to move around the place Hunting is not cruel if it's to hunt down monsters. 7/10 HEPHAESTUS You have a way with tools. You build awesome things during your free time. You’re the best at Woodshop in your class. Metalworking is your forte. You have your own toolbox. You often search the Internet to look for pictures of robots. You’re a techie. You often have carpentry projects. You dream of being a carpenter. You aren’t afraid of fire. 2/10 APHRODITE Every guy/girl swoons for you. You like putting on makeup. You naturally smell good. You never experience a bad hair day. Your favorite activity is clothes-shopping. You’re always at the front of every trend. You’re the popular girl/guy at your school. You’re often invited to parties. Your motto is ‘It’s never a party without me.” You look at yourself in the mirror on a regular basis. (sort of have to pass the mirror everyday) 1/10 HERMES You like pick pocketing your friends. You’re a prankster. You’re a speed demon. You consider yourself restless. You’re the best speaker in the class. You like thinking on your feet and using your wits. You’re inventive and resourceful. You often start arguments. You’ve never lost a debate. You like making witty and sarcastic statements. 5/10 DIONYSUS You’re the life of the party. You like wine. You’ve probably tasted every alcoholic drink out there. You can finish a martini in less than a minute. You have a happy, cheerful disposition You’re a foodie. You like going to social events and mingling with people. You like trying out new food. You feel that you’re abundant in life. You think that too much of anything is bad. 2/10 What's your element? Fire You have a short temper(only around my youngest brother) You often act on your emotions without thinking first You are very competitive You like to play with fire You are not a strong swimmer or you can't swim at all You prefer warm weather over cold weather You often lose control over yourself(only around the aforementioned) You can be quite reckless You sometimes hurt people without realizing it People have often called you insane 5/10 Water You have a calm, laid-back personality You like to go to the beach You rarely get angry When you do get angry, you know how to control it(except for around you know who) You think before you act. You are good at breaking up fights. You are a great swimmer. You like the rain. You can stay calm in stressful situations. You are very generous. 6/10 Earth You are physically strong. You have a close connection with nature. You don’t mind getting dirty. You form strong opinions on issues that concern you. You could easily survive in the wild You care about the environment. You can easily focus on your work without getting distracted. You rarely get depressed. You aren’t afraid of anything. You prefer to have a strict set of rules. 4/10 Air: You have a free spirit. You hate rules. You prefer to be out in the open rather than in small, enclosed spaces. You hate to be restrained. You are independent. You are quite intelligent. You tend to be impatient. You are easily distracted. You can sometimes be hyperactive and/or annoying. You wish you could fly. 9/10 That sucks, I’m dead! I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everydayI am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had.I wish they could adopt me.I am not one of the lucky ones.I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school.It was simply too much to bear.We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised.The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.I am the woman who died when the EMT s stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson" ow let’s see how many stupid things I've done!!( bolded) 1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand9. Tried to push open a door that said pull10. Tried to pull open a door that said push11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name 20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle23. Have run into a closed door24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard39. Walked into a pole40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up48. Have poked yourself in the eye49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test52. Have stabbed yourself with a pencil53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions67. Corrected someone else then figured out that you were the one that was wrong68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb73. Ran into a door jam74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it76. Have purposely licked playground sand77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off82.Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs97. You have spelled your own name wrong before98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class.100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth. On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5-year-olds off the fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation...) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief! Things to ponder... Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? W hy is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? So what's the speed of dark? How come abbreviated is such a long word? A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.. How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable? Things You Do NOT Wanna Hear On An Airplane Intercom: 1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore 2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know 3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does? 4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Just kidding. 5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin' 6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory... 7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you? 8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on? 9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another... 10. This is your captain speaking: I'm depressed, suicidal, and I'm taking you all with me. By the way, I've already killed the co-captain. If you find yourself reading fanfiction more then you write, add your name then copy and paste this to your profile: TeenageCrisis, Kirathis-Chan, Spazz8884, xXxJaycee81196xXx, Ino Y. Uchiha, RokuShion-number-1-fan, sonicdisney, Roxanna123, The Utterly Fabulous Z, Milk Of Awesomeness If you sigh at the fact that because your profile is so long there is little chance someone would actually take the time and read it, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile funny Quotes: It's OK to prick your finger, just don't finger your prick. (this one is so dirty. ) I am not going back in the closet. Too cramped, and the skeletons aren't much company - even with the huge collection my family has! of all objects, batteries are the worst of all...objects can break but be fixed...batteries DIE! "I am never late...so time better slow the fuck down!" "Ow"--whats wrong--"i swear someone just snacked on my ankle" "You think he'd notice if we turned his cat pink?" "You better not pout, you better not cry, hey guess what I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is Dead." "They always say that a murderer is a loner; Well of course he is a loner! HE HAS BEEN KILLING PEOPLE!!" "Absolutely NO ONE is too refined to tell you where to shove it, pal!" "You can't fight the fangirls! - JUST LET ME KILL THE ANNOYING ONES!! Aww, you should be so happy you have any!!" I'm a compulsive liar, honest! I want a jacket that lets me hug myself. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. Please don't interrupt me while I’m ignoring you. There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." "You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them." If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? When life gives you lemons... When life gives you lemons, throw them back at life and say, "Give me chocolate!" When life gives you lemons, throw them back at life until life falls down. When life gives you lemons, squirt lemon juice at people you don't like. When life gives you lemons, demand to speak with life about their ripeness. I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole! I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. When in doubt, push random buttons! There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train. There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people... The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good. The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck. Stupid people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs. Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to. Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. I wish you were here.. In my room... On my bed... The lights are off... We go under the blankets... AND I SHOW YOU MY NEW WATCH THAT GLOWS IN THE DARK!!... What on earth were you thinking?! YOU PERVERT!! X3 Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'? Who's the fool who said "nothing's impossible"? They never tried slamming a revolving door... Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to. "Are we fighting?" "No, if we were fighting, you'd be on the floor, bleeding." boys are like purses, cute, full of crap, and easy to replace. My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway A day without sunshine is like... night. "Go forth and set the world on fire." screw the metaphorical, literal all the way It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it? I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. I’m not clumsy…the floor just hates me. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. If the doctor's cute, screw the fruit. Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! I smile because I have no idea what's going on! Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin? Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to. The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. Normal is just a setting on washing machines. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. "I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! " Dear girl talking about how "that stupid deaf retard will never get a girlfriend", He may not be able to hear you, but I can. Sincerely, his girlfriend- who's about to punch your face in. Dear cat, Please tell me how when we were both locked out you were still able to get back in the house. Sincerely, we don't even have a cat door Dear people giving me judging stares, Yes I am 14 with 1 year old twins, I support myself by whoring around on street corners and make all of my purchases at dollar stores and walmart Sincerely, just kidding I'm babysitting Dear purple crayon, Why must you look EXACTLY like the blue crayon? Sincerely, my ocean is now purple Dear girl in my biology class, Yes, I'm pale. Yes, I have above average grades. Yes, I occasionally miss school. Yes, I rarely speak. No, I am not a damn vampire! Sincerely, I hate this generation.Dear parents, So Santa has the same wrapping paper as us, the same handwriting as you, and an elf named China that makes most of the toys? Sincerely, seems legit... Dear world , Why do you only blame girls? Sincerely, it takes two to get pregnant Dear parent giving me a dirty look because their six year old saw me making out with my boyfriend in the movie theater, Well, maybe you shouldn't have brought them to an R-rated movie in the first place... Sincerely, I cannot have possibly scarred him as much as Paranormal Activity 3. Dear one-year-old brother, You are staring right at me. I can see you taking that chocolate chip cookie. Yes, even though you are slowly backing away, I can still see you. No, putting it into your mouth and chewing as slowly as you can does not help. Ah ha! Finally noticed I caught you, didn't you? Wait, what are you...? Oh, this cookie is for me? Is this our agreement not to tell mom? Sincerely, you fit right into the family! Dear Moms Everywhere, When you say we will leave in a minute, we think we are going to leave soon, and not in a half-hour. Sincerely, Teenagers Everywhere Dear son, Girls are red, guys are blue if you make purple I will kill you. Sincerely, your loving father. Dear Homophobics, Gay also was originally used to refer to feelings of being "carefree" or "happy". Sincerely, Are you against happiness too? Dear 4,153,237 people that got married in the past year, Sorry, but shouldn't that be an even number? Sincerely, who kept count?! Dear Mother, Please stop saying that bisexuals don't know what they want. It's a real orientation, and you saying otherwise hurts. Sincerely, secretly bisexual Dear guy who took down the sign about my lost puppy, Really? Sincerely, is a wet t-shirt contest really more important? Dear English Teacher that just gave me a D on my exam, Why did you have to assign me to the seat next to your pet salamander AND your giant coffee mug? Sincerely, Attention Deficit ...IS THAT A LAVA LAMP I SEE? Dear Boys who wish they could understand girls, So do we. Sincerely, Girls Dear boyfriends, Only we are supposed to hook up behind your girlfriend's back. Sincerely, Bras Dear Fairy Godmother, So where were you when both my parents died, the only family I had left enslaved me, abused me and hid me away from the world for years? But hey - thanks for the pretty dress! Sincerely, Cinderella Dear Period, Oh my god you're late! What if I'm pregnant? What will my parents say? I'll have to drop out of college! I'll have to tell my boyfriend!! Oh wait... Sincerely, virgin Dear chemistry teacher, Why is the class amused? I believe it's quite self-explanatory... Sincerely, "Rutherford concluded that his balls could be tiny or massive." Dear Nutrition Facts, Please stop lying about serving sizes. Sincerely, this is definitely a one-person box of mac and cheese. Dear sisters's boyfriend, Please keep in mind before you cheat on her, that I am one of the only people in the world who could kill you and get away with it. Sincerely, her forensic scientist older brother Dear Movie Makers, Please stop changing important thing when you make a book into a movie. Sincerely, we like the book for a reason Dear "drink plenty of fluids", OK, I'll try not to drink too many solids or gasses. Sincerely, what else would I drink? Dear students, So... all your printers break the night before you have to hand in your assignment? Sincerely, amused teacher. Dear Jocks, Being a single guy who likes musical theater doesn't make me gay. Sincerely, you strip in front of 20 guys while I'm backstage with 30 girls. Dear windshield-wiper making companies, You seriously can't figure out how to get that one little triangle? Sincerely, annoyed Dear world, Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have no Jobs, no Cash and no Hope. What are you going to do when I die?! Sincerely, Kevin Bacon. Dear Dad, If I answer the home phone it's a pretty clear indication that I am, in fact, at home. Sincerely, Why did you ask? Dear Dryer, Please don't steal my partner... Sincerely, lonely single sock Dear online website that asked if I was human, What do you think I am? Sincerely, a tiger with thumbs Dear teenagers buying condoms, Trust me, I am not judging you. I am, however, judging the 22 year old mother who buys three bottles of vodka and two bottles of baby formula. Sincerely, your cashier Dear band teachers, Please don't look at us weird when we laugh after you say, "Use more tongue and blow harder". Sincerely, students cracking up Dear God, Please send some clothes to the poor ladies on my dad's computer. Sincerely, 6-year-old daughter Dear Optimist Pessimist and Realist, While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it! Sincerely, the Opportunist Dear people I don't like, Please stop having good names. Sincerely, I wanted to name my kid that Dear girl with only one hand, Thank you so much for holding the door for me. Sincerely, you are the nicest person at our school. Dear dad, Did you really just ask me if I wanted to go spin donuts in the local grocery store parking lot at 9 at night? Sincerely, I like when mom is on vacation. Dear Judgemental Shop Assistant, Yes I am buying a pregnancy test because I think I might be pregnant. Sincerely, I'm 23 ... and married Dear Embarrassed Boy buying tampons, Relax...I know they're not for you. Sincerely, I think it's cute Dear health teacher, Please don't take off points because my oral presentation didn't include any images. Sincerely, my topic was pornography Dear older brother singing loudly in the shower when he thought he was home alone, I was going to complain, until I caught the lyrics,. Sincerely, your Timone is wonderful but your Pumba needs work. Keep it up. Dear little girl, Thank you so much for grinning and saying, "You've got a robot's leg!" when you saw my boyfriend's prosthetic leg. It's the first time his laugh and smile have been genuine since he came back from Afghanistan. Sincerely, his girlfriend who's eternally grateful. Dear ignorant person that told me that clarinets are gay, Elton John is gay, a clarinet is a clarinet. Sincerely, I'm a band student, and you're an idiot. Dear girls that are afraid of blood, What do you do during your period? Sincerely, curious... Dear iPod, I named you, Titanic. Sincerely, syncing you now... Dear Facebook, Congratulations on becoming a verb! Sincerely, Google. Dear guy who accidentally dialed my number, Just because a young female answered the phone does NOT mean you have permission to text me back to ask if I'm single. Sincerely, "you have the wrong number" is not a flirtatious statement whatsoever! Dear cat, Please explain to me why you are so happy and purring one second and the next your claws are in my skin and your hissing uncontrollably. Sincerely, someone has mood swings. Dear Disney Channel Original Movie "My Babysitter's a Vampire", Original, huh? Sincerely, Disney Channel Original Movie "Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire". Dear Edward Cullen, You stay young forever and sneak into the rooms of young girls? How original. Sincerely, Peter Pan. Dear Adele, Writing whole albums about boys who break hearts is kinda my thing... Sincerely, Taylor Swift. Dear Stephanie Meyer, No, it is not okay to make your characters fall in love with infants and toddlers and say "But it's alright, because he's a mythical creature and it's true love". Sincerely, human pedophiles claim it's love, too... Dear Ke$ha, I sparkle too! Sincerely, Edward Cullen. Dear underage partiers, Do you really think that when you post a picture of you at a party holding a beer can and blur out just the beer can that that suddenly makes a difference? Do you think we are all going "oh there's a little blurred out spot on the picture that just happens to be placed over everyone's hand in every picture, well that couldn't possibly be a beer can. Nah, it was probably soda and they just didn't want people to know what kind." Sincerely, laughing at your pathetic attempts. Dear mom, I have been sick off-and-on for years now. The doctor may not know what's wrong, but I do... Sincerely, throw away your cigarettes before one of us dies! Dear parents who name their kids "Christian", I'd like to introduce you to my son Muslim, my daughter Jew and my cousin Athiest. Sincerely, it is the same thing... Dear Facebook, Please add a "nobody cares" button. Sincerely, I don't care what you ate for breakfast. Dear teacher who says "I don't know CAN you?" after a I ask if I can go to the bathroom, When I was using can, I was using it's secondary modal form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought that since you were a teacher, you would know that. Sincerely, schooled. Dear Americans, Remember how you said a black guy would be president when pigs flew? You're welcome. Sincerely, swine flu. Dear "it's the thought that counts", What exactly were your thoughts when buying me this gift? Sincerely, no, you're right, I DID need a new ladle Dear mom, Yes, of course I'm pregnant. What did you expect? Sincerely, you were at the wedding... Dear teacher, When you say "Write in complete sentences", the majority of the class assumes you are saying "write incomplete sentences". Sincerely, minor formalities. Dear kitten, Yes, it is super cute how you can attack and shred a roll of toilet paper in 15 seconds. However, I am super sick and needed it. Sincerely, now I have to blow my nose on your fluffy tail Dear inspirational posters, Yeah, there's no "I" in "TEAM", but there's a "ME"... Sincerely, better rethink that one. Dear boyfriend, If you're going to act like a tool, you can sleep in the shed. Sincerely, girlfriend. Dear boy who just asked me to sit on his lap, Boy you ain't no Santa Claus, I don't wanna be yo ho ho ho! Sincerely, that might have been the cleverest thing I've ever though of on the spot! Dear GAP clothing, Do you really think someone is going to buy a shirt that says "69" all over it? Sincerely, observant customer. Dear group in California..., So, you want to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death? That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper. Sincerely, how dumb are you? Dear NASA, Your Mom thought I was big enough. Sincerely, Pluto Dear fellow schoolmates, I was so proud when all four hundred of us left the gym when the DJ played a Justin Beiber song. Sincerely, Never been prouder Dear Microsoft Word, No, I did not spell my last name wrong! Sincerely, anonymous. Dear person who just said that "we make a cute couple", He's my brother. Sincerely, you disgust me... Dear teens, Go to school, get married, THEN have kids. Sincerely, don't do it backwards. Dear clueless mom who just told me my scarf looks gay, Thanks! I found it when I was in the closet! Sincerely, proud homosexual son. Dear Glee, Ruining good songs was OUR idea! Sincerely, Kidz Bop Dear doctor, For the tenth time, yes I'm sure I'm not pregnant. Sincerely, lesbian. Dear mother, It doesn't matter if you have the same parts as me. Sincerely, your daughter that would like to get dressed without you walking in. Dear girls Dear girl in my civics class, Did you seriously just ask the teacher why Alaska is so cold if it's next to Hawaii?! Sincerely, Trying to conceal my laughter and wondering how you made it past the 2nd grade at the same time... Dear world, Today in class the girl next to me was trimming her split ends and the two people in front of me were having a breath holding competition. Sincerely, I'm in med school... Meet your future doctors. Dear dad, Please stop criticizing my 30 minute showers when you leave the TV on all day for the dog. Sincerely, your daughter. Dear humans, You are just my over sized Sims game Sincerely, God Dear Geometry, Pi r not squared. Pi r round... Cornbread r squared. Sincerely, sarcastic Dear parent suspiciously looking over my shoulder as I browse a baby name website, Please realize that it is not what it looks like. Sincerely, aspiring author who needs names for her characters. Dear boy's everywhere, Since girl's bra's are called 'over the shoulder boulder holder'...does that mean your underwear is called an 'under the butt nut hut'? Sincerely, Just curious Dear Prince Charming, Come on...I danced with you all night and the only thing you could remember about me were my glass slippers? Sincerely, Cinderella Dear adults who tell teenagers to stop 'whining' about our lives because we 'have no real responsibilities', I go to school for 7 hours a day, then go to work for another 5 hours, then go home and do my homework for 4 more hours! I have to get good grades to get into a good college and then decide on a major, and find a way to pay for it all. Don' tell me that I have no responsibilities. Sincerely, clearly you've either forgotten the stress or were just too big of a slacker to notice it all Dear rewind button, Thank you for making Jaws the quirky comedy about a bulimic shark that barfs up so many people the town has to open a beach. Sincerely, life is nicer backwards. Dear Bella, He forbids you from seeing your best friend, he intimidates you into doing whatever he wants, and he won't give you anything in return. Sincerely, honey, that's an unhealthy relationship. Dear Mom, Next time you're lecturing me and ask, "Do I look stupid to you!?" make sure you aren't wearing that sweater with the penguins all over it. Sincerely, just being honest. Dear people who "love music so much", Listening to whatever is popular and then forgetting about it a month later, declaring it sucks because it's old, and repeating the cycle a month later shows how much you don't appreciate music. Sincerely, real music fans. Dear Pinocchio, If you said ,"My nose will grow now," and it doesn't, that would mean you were lying. But if you were lying, that would make your nose grow. Thus, making your nose grow by telling the truth. Sincerely, ultimate paradox. Dear Secret Life of the American Teenager, Having Nike sponsor your show with the slogan "Just Do It" probably isn't sending the best message... Sincerely, yet another reason to laugh at that show Dear butt, You managed to turn on my phone, decipher my screen lock code, put it on speaker, AND call Pizza Hut in the middle of class? Sincerely, I'm impressed. Dear character in movie about to be hit by a car 20 feet away, Instead of just standing there with a gaping O face, how about running? Sincerely, seriously, what are you waiting for? Dear church women, Please stop disguising gossip in your prayer circle... Sincerely, "let us pray for Tanya who is now pregnant at age 15 with no father in sight..." Dear English teacher, How can I get a question wrong that was asking for my opinion? Sincerely, fed up Dear person who invented salt, What made you decide to combine two deadly poisons and put it on your food? Sincerely, NaCl. Dear mom and dad, Please stop shouting at each other and take a look at your daughter. You can see the scars on her arms, right? Sincerely, a worried older brother. Dear world, Fortune cookies aren't from China, Swedish Fish aren't made in Sweden, Danish rolls aren't from Denmark, French bread isn't from France, German chocolate cake isn't from Germany, and French fries are actually from Belgium. Sincerely, what is wrong with this picture? Dear Egnslih tecaehr, Did you konw taht as lnog as the fsrit and lsat lteter are in the smae palce, hmauns are albe to raed the wrod? Sincerely, slpelnig is not taht ipmrontat. Dear elderly driver, Red means "stop," green means "go" and yellow means "slow down." Notice that there is not a color or a light for "please run over the teenage girl because you can't see over the dash." Sincerely, the girl that you almost ran over today. Dear Facebook, I do in fact know those people on the side of my page, and there is an excellent reason I have not added them as friends. Sincerely, I don't like them. Dear mom, Stop telling me to, "turn off my phone and be social!" Sincerely, I'm talking, just not to you. Dear Pythagorean Theorem, Because I can't wait for that moment in time when I will have a ruler to measure two sides of a triangle but not the third. Sincerely, oh, wait... Dear ice at the bottom of the cup, Please stop surprise attacking my face every time I try to take the last sip of my drink. Sincerely, you get me every time. Dear people who ask questions during movies, The awesome thing about movies is that they tend to make sense and answer the questions you ask if you watch for 5 more seconds. Sincerely, seriously, I just want to watch the movie in peace. Dear iTunes, $1.29? Really? What is the extra $0.30 for, shipping and handling? Sincerely, you jerks. Dear dad, There IS a difference between butt dialing and a booty call. Sincerely, just so you know. Dear parents, You scream at me when I don't answer the phone... I've called you eleven times now. Sincerely, your annoyed child. Dear mom, If I knew where I last saw it, I wouldn't have asked you where it was. Sincerely, annoyed teen. Dear PETA, People Eat Tasty Animals and they always will. Sincerely, stop making me feel guilty about it. Dear mom, So... You're a doctor, and you can't even tell when I'm faking a sickness? Sincerely, should I be worried about our healthcare system? Dear Spoon, Tell me that nursery rhyme all you want, I know the Dish isn't my real dad. Sincerely, Spork Dear Shakespeare, Poetic talent is easy to fake when thy sentence doth no freaking sense make. Sincerely, unconvinced English student. Dear douche bag, You're mean to gay boys, but think it's awesome when two girls make out? Sincerely, confused. Dear Kardashian family, Remind me again why you're famous? Sincerely, confused TV watcher. Dear parents, Please realize that those clothes on my floor are part of my new invention... the horizontal closet. Sincerely, your teenager. Dear Richard, Please explain why your name is shortened to Dick. Sincerely, confused. Dear Skittles manufacturer, What rainbow are you tasting that doesn't include blue? Sincerely, confused consumer. Dear unborn son, Please note that your name will be Luke purely so I can say "Luke, I am your Father" when you question my authority. Sincerely, soon to be father. Dear parents who tell your kids, "That’s why you go to college" when they see the pizza guy, I have this job so I can pay for my textbooks FOR college. Sincerely, the educated pizza guy. Dear one-eyed-one-horned-flying-purple-people-eater, Are you purple and eat people, or eat only purple people? Sincerely, confused child. Dear people judging me on the bus, Please stop. This 8 month old baby is my nephew. Sincerely, 16 and still a virgin Dear Wicked Witch of the West, So... how exactly did you shower? Sincerely, Curious Dear parents, Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named Aladdin. Snow White lived alone with 7 men. Pinocchio was a liar. Robin Hood was a thief. Tarzan walked around without clothes on. A stranger kissed sleeping beauty and she married him. Cinderella lied and snuck out at night to attend a party. Sincerely, it's not our fault; it's how you raised us Dear mom, I've known 'what happens when two people love each other' since third grade. Sincerely, just let me watch my PG-13 movie Dear people who name their kids after places they were conceived, That is by far the worst idea I have ever heard... Sincerely, Back O. Car Dear math teacher, If there are 11 students in the algebra class and 9 of them are failing, how long will it take for you to realize that you suck as a teacher? Sincerely, how's that for a math question? Dear students, You can't read my handwriting on your papers because I needed an entire bottle of vodka before your paper made any sense. Sincerely, your professor Dear How, You really need a W. Sincerely, Who, What, When, Where, and Why Dear dad, How can you be mad at my report card when it spells your name twice D A D D A D??!! Sincerely, your failing son Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what's your plan? Sincerely, not very well thought out Dear George, If you're so curious, why is it you haven't figured out my real name yet? Sincerely, The Man in the Yellow hat Dear Everyone, CARROT TOPS ARE GREEN! Sincerely, Gingers Dear hormone-crazed teenage boys, I hope you still appreciate slutty Halloween costumes when they start showing up on your thirteen-year-old daughters. Sincerely, Karma Dear Google Image Search, That WAS NOT what I was looking for. Sincerely, Scarred for Life Dear Math Teacher, Your ceiling has 86 1/2 tiles, 9 mysterious black stains on said tiles, 4 sprinklers, and 4 lights. Oh, and I forgot to mention... 2/3 of your students aren't paying attention. They're trying to figure out what I'm staring at. Sincerely, Your Bored Student Dear DJ who played 'Love the Way You Lie', It's probably inappropriate to play a song about domestic abuse at a wedding. Just my two cents. Sincerely, a concerned cousin of the groom Dear Vegetarians, How many plants had to die to make your salad? Sincerely, An Honest Carnivore Dear Angry Parents, Please stop getting mad at us when we answer your question. Its not backtalk, its called answering your question. Sincerely, Pissed Off Grounded Teen Dear Philosophers, If actions are stronger than words, then why is the pen mightier than the sword? Sincerely, Deep thinker Dear Carmen, This isn't funny. I can't find the baby... Sincerely, Waldo Dear people who say "it's cold as hell", What part of "fire and brimstone" don't you understand? Sincerely, Satan. Dear jerk ex-boyfriend, Please continue to tell me repeatedly that I'm never going to find anyone else like you. Sincerely, that's kinda what I was hoping for when I dumped you! Dear mom, Taking the TV remote doesn't stop me from watching TV. I can manually turn it on and change the channel as I please. Sincerely, just because I'm from the age of technology doesn't mean my IQ is 40. Dear countries who like boys better than girls, Where do you think boys come from? Sincerely, girls who want some credit. Dear Mr. Left, She doesn't want you because you are never around. Sincerely, Mr. Right Dear guy who shouts "not appropriate!" every time you see me hug my boyfriend, Look who's talking! Sincerely, saw you eating your girlfriend's face five minutes ago. Dear friends with benefits, Not dating but lots of sex huh? How original. Sincerely, no strings attached. Dear Edward, Did you ever think that maybe the reason you can't read Bella's thoughts is because SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY? Sincerely, makes sense to me... Dear morons in charge of our school system, Please explain why you say high school students need the most sleep, but insist on tasking us with hours of homework and making us wake up before our parents. Sincerely, something is wrong with this picture Dear world, Red hair: redhead, brown hair: brunette, white/yellow hair: blonde, no hair: bald. What do you call someone with black hair? Sincerely, a "black-head?" Dear MTV, I was wondering if I could get my "M" back... you know, since you're not using it? Sincerely, _usic. Dear boys in my Geography class, No, London isn't a country. Sincerely, this would be funny if you weren't in high school, and completely serious. Dear vampires, Humans are annoyed with you too? You drink blood? You follow people around when they don't want you too? Join the club! Sincerely, mosquitos. Dear fans, If Kayne managed to steal the mic, is Taylor really swift? Sincerely, curious. Dear guys, Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one. Sincerely, you don't see me being a boob. Dear schools, Don't ban Wikipedia. You say it's horribly wrong, but still give us A's on our papers... Sincerely, where do you think that information came from? Dear pregnant friend, What's the difference between you and a lightbulb? Sincerely, a lightbulb can get unscrewed. Dear SpaghettiO's Alphabet Version, Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of SpaghettiO's? Sincerely, just wondering... Dear people staring, Yes I am 22, and have four little girls with me at the zoo. Sincerely, get a grip I am babysitting and the oldest is 10! Dear people who think my 5 year old brother is my son, I'm fourteen. I hadn't even hit puberty when he was born. Sincerely, how old did you think I was? Dear people staring, I am 15. The kid I am with is 8. Of course she's not my daughter. She's my sister. I was not pregnant at 7. Sincerely, you're all idiots. Dear girlfriend of two years, You're confused as to how you are pregnant?! Me too... Sincerely, virgin boyfriend. Dear teenage girls, You wear a neon green pin saying FREE HUGS! then look at my 6-year-old sister like she's crazy when she asks for a hug? Sincerely, she just learned how to read... Dear person who previously had my biology book, It was really hard not to laugh when I opened the front cover on the first day of school. Sincerely, Name: Michael Jackson. Issued: Black. Returned: White Dear metabolism, My lunch - salad with no dressing and an apple. Result? Fat. Boyfriend's lunch - three double cheeseburgers and a milkshake. Result? skinny.. Sincerely, seriously? Dear long distance boyfriend, You said you started loving me because of my honesty, so I'll be honest. We've never had sex, so it is defintly NOT my bra I can see on the floor. Sincerely, yeah, whoops is right. Dear ladies, If your man only wants your breasts, legs and thighs send him to KFC. Sincerely, don't waste your time with him. Dear manly 6 foot 7 older brother, ... you do know I can hear you singing from outside the bathroom door, right? Sincerely, you're a Barbie girl? in a Barbie world? Dear Justin Bieber, Please don't teach our kids that they can be in love when they're only 13. Sincerely, just told my daughter the normal time to have sex was when she was in love! Dear Pinochio, So all I have to do is lie? Sincerely, Lord Voldemort! Dear deadbeat mom, Stop using "I never had a mother" as an excuse. Sincerely, nor do I. Dear Miley Cyrus, Well this is awkward you actually weren't invited to the party... Sincerely, the USA. Dear Candace, Why dont you just take a picture of Phineas and Ferb? Sincerely, common Sense... Dear boyfriend, I liked you when you didn't ask me for anything that night I slept over. I fell in love with you when you kissed my cheek when you thought i was asleep. Sincerely, girlfriend who was nervous about sleeping at your house. Dear dictionaries, Please stop putting such big words in your definitions. Sincerely, we already looked up one big word, we don't need to look up another! Dear Lucky Charms, Please change the marshmallow to wheat ratio from 1/10 to 10/1. Sincerely, everyone. Dear New Orleans, Seriously, I'm not allowed to tie my alligator to a fire hydrant? Sincerely, where am I supposed to tie her now? Dear child, Don't use logic against me! Sincerely, I'm trying to be the parent here! Dear owner of the shoe in the lost and found, Please. How do you manage to leave school with 1 shoe? Sincerely, confused.Dear world, Please never say "grapes" in pig-Latin. Sincerely, "rapegays." Dear teens, Next time your parents ground you for lying, look them straight in the eye and say, "Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny." Sincerely, parents lie too Dear Facebook, Please never make a legitimate "who's viewing your profile app." Sincerely, my ex boyfriend would get a restraining order. Dear Edward and Jacob, I have to tell you two setting important... I recently found this out... I'm... A lesbian Sincerely, Bella Dear parents who tell me not to talk to strangers, So now you want me to sit on this random old man's lap, and tell him what I want. Sincerely, rethinking this whole mall Santa thing, aren't you? Dear Justin Bieber, The country music awards? Really? Sincerely, and how are you country? Dear guy in my Social Studies class, Please think before asking what Obama's last name is... Sincerely, even the teacher laughed. Dear parents who say looks don't matter, If looks don't matter, then why do you get upset when I go out to dinner in sweats? Sincerely, teenagers everywhere. Dear guy I like, I was so disappointed when I heard you say "I love you" to someone else on the phone... Sincerely, ...then you ended the sentence with "Mom." :) Dear relatives, Please stop telling me, "you're next" at weddings. Sincerely, or I will start saying the same thing to you while we are at funerals... Dear girl who says she wants a guy like me, I'M A GUY LIKE ME. Sincerely, I've had a crush on you for three years... Dear who ever said "just picture the audience in their underwear", Not the easiest thing to do with your crush in the front row. Sincerely, nervous and turned on. Dear peoplewhotalklikethisallthetime, Can you not find the spacebar? Sincerely, it is the biggest button on the keyboard... Dear girl wearing a white dress to prom, I am taking you to prom and not to the alter, right? Sincerely, your scared, prom date. Dear math teacher, Now I lay me down to rest, a pile of math books on my desk, if I should die before I wake, that's one less test I have to take! Sincerely, bored student. Dear Canada, You gave us Nickelback, we gave you Miley Cyrus. You gave us Justin Bieber, we gave you Rebecca Black... Your move. Sincerely, America Dear Girlfriend, Of course I will love another girl! Sincerely, ...in ten years, and she'll call you "mommy." Dear boys, It's said that the most common way a woman kills a man is with food posioning. Sincerely, you still want that sandwich? Dear girlfriend I just killed the spider for, I hope you realize now how much i love you. Sincerely, your boyfriend who's also afraid of spiders. Dear teacher, If you know the whole class is going to see your computer screen, it would be smart to delete the email verifying your eHarmony account. Sincerely, we all know that you have a wife. Dear girls, Just helping you reel in a vampire boyfriend. Sincerely, your period. Dear "Secret Life of an American Teenager" writers, I WANT TO HAVE SEX, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX, SHOULD I HAVE SEX? SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX!! Sincerely, maybe try mixing up the script sometime? Dear tough guy that isn't afraid of anything Boo!! Sincerely, pregnancy test. Dear non-virgins at my high school, I can be like you in less than five minutes, but you can never be like me again. Sincerely, still a virgin and ok with it Dear "two wrongs don't make a right", Two negatives equal a positive... Sincerely, just saying. Dear son, I know what you were doing... Sincerely, nobody just stares at Google. Dear People who say "real vampires don't sparkle, Really? Sincerely, real vampires don't exist. Dear girl in my class, "What's an IQ?" Sincerely, clearly something you're missing... Dear women who complain about sexism, Isn't it a little sexist to say that boys can't hit girls but girls can hit boys? Sincerely, a reasonable woman. Dear old ladies, Please stop looking so disgusted. I'm just holding him while my mom finishes the grocery shopping. Sincerely, THIS IS MY BABY BROTHER Dear Y, Please make up your mind. Sincerely, A, E, I, O, and U. Dear A E I O and U, I never liked you guys anyway... Sincerely, Y. Dear car full of guys driving around campus with the windows rolled down, Thank you for singing "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry at the top of your lungs. It made walking in the rain a little more bearable. Sincerely, amused. Dear jerk who asked my clearly anorexic 16 year old little sister when the baby's due, This morning, for the first time in nearly two years, she willingly ate half a grilled cheese. Thanks to your cruel, ignorant comment, she is again refusing to eat and won't come out of her room. You had better hope I never, ever see you again. Sincerely, little brother just trying to help her. Dear Facebook, Please never, NEVER, create a way for users to see who visits their profiles...or how many times. Sincerely, not a stalker, just curious about my crush. Dear 4 year old who just asked his friend if I was his mommy, Contrary to what MTV might have you believe, even as a 17 year old, I still don't have kids. Sincerely, am I flattered or disturbed? Dear Mom, Just because you saw me naked as a baby, and we have the same parts, does NOT make it okay for you to just walk in to talk to me while I'm in the shower. Sincerely, your freaked out 17-year-old daughter. Dear parents, I'm so sorry, but I need to get this off my chest. I was home alone with my boyfriend, and, well...I disobeyed you. I know you've told me time and time again to never do it, and you always tell me how wrong it is, but we couldn't resist. We had everything we needed. And, it wasn't my first time, either. ...the taste in your mouth is something you'll never forget. I can assure you though, it won't affect my health. I feel terrible for going against your rules, but I can't promise that it won't happen again. Sincerely, ate a whole bowl of raw cookie dough with him. Dear classmates, Yes, I will get mad when you call me a spoiled brat for having a new iPad. Sincerely, works 40 hours a week and decided to treat myself. Dear teacher who asked the class whore to stop wearing her work clothes to school, Thanks. Sincerely, you made my day. Dear world, It's sad when I can't take my 4-year-old brother out places without me getting stares or being called his mom. Sincerely, sixteen-year-old girl. Dear son, Yeah, we knew you were gay when you told us you were going to make another boy your "wife" when you were in preschool... Sincerely, you didn't have to hide it for so long... Dear Karma, I bought a Michael Jackson album, he died. I watched the Dark Knight, the Joker died. I bought an iPad, and Steve Jobs died... Sincerely, I just bought a Justin Bieber album... Dear Urban Dictionary, Thank you SO much. Sincerely, I was not about to ask my parents that... Dear Grandma, Thank you for saying "Yeah, like YOU'VE never done that" to Mum while she was screaming at me! Sincerely, her face was priceless. Dear person whispering stuff behind me in the store, No, the newborn in the cart is not mine, she is my moms. Just because I am the one pushing the cart doesn't mean that i gave birth to her. Sincerely, im only 14... Dear "I could never get tired of that song" , Challenge Accepted. Sincerely, radio stations. Dear 30 tabs and counting, One of you is playing music... Sincerely, BUT WHICH ONE?! Dear elderly woman that says we look cute together, Thank you. So much. Sincerely, the gay couple holding hands Dear Mom and Dad, Please stop saying "Don't play with your food!" You spent the first two years of my life convincing me this spoon was a plane... Sincerely, your fault. Dear Facebook, Why is there an option for an expected child as a family member? Sincerely, do you really think my unborn baby has a Facebook? Dear 16-Year-Old Sister, Why won't you tell me your boyfriends name? Sincerely, I see the bruises on your arm and the way you flinch when I raise my hand... Dear Dad, If you wanted to "straighten me out," an all boys boarding school was not the way to do it. Sincerely, your gay son. Dear "Are you pregnant?", Not that I'm aware of... Sincerely, a 16 year old boy who just wants a sports physical. Dear Americans, "Gay" means happy or jolly, "queer" means odd or strange, "retarded" means slowed or hindered, "dumb" means unable to speak, and "lame" means incapable of walking. Sincerely, go read a dictionary. Dear Sound of Music, So the kids' mother's been dead for seven years and the youngest child is five? Sincerely, Sneaky, Captain von Trapp. Dear Pringles, Do you want me to eat your chips or not? Sincerely, how am I supposed to eat them when my hand doesn't fit into the container. Dear kids who bully the quiet girl in class, It's ironic how I am the only one who can hear her cry for help. Sincerely, deaf kid who can see the scars on her wrists. Dear stereotypical "mean girl", Thank you for sitting with me in the back of the class and asking me about myself, saying how cool of a person I am, and even commenting on my heavy metal music. I won't judge you since you didn't judge me. Sincerely, the stereotypical "goth chick." Dear Facebook addicts, If Facebook shuts down, are you going to be roaming the streets shoving pictures in people's faces saying "DO YOU LIKE THIS?! DO YOU?!" Sincerely, just asking. Dear parents, "Because I said so" does not qualify as a reason. Sincerely, it just makes us more angry. Dear people who hate gays because it says so in the Bible, Please tell us all about how you were a virgin until after marriage, didn't lie, and never disrespected your parents. Sincerely, I'm sure your not perfect either. Dear old lady Wal-Mart cashier who told me she doesn't approve of teen moms, Good thing that little girl's my niece then, huh? Sincerely, but seriously... you work at Wal-Mart. Dear homophobic dad, You hate gays? Phew, thank goodness, I thought I was in trouble. Sincerely, I'm bisexual! Dear parents, Wait, so you named me after bread? Seriously? Sincerely, Peeta Dear people who think friend-zoned is bad, Try cousin-zoned. Sincerely, Gale Hawthorne. Dear "you're just wearing that braid because of the Hunger Games", Yes, I love the book. Yes, I saw the movie. Sincerely, No, Katniss did not invent the French braid Dear "All the good guys are gay", Are you kidding me? All the good guys are straight! Sincerely, gay men everywhere. Dear celebrities, Do you ever Google your names and look at all the things people say about you? Sincerely, curious. Dear fat lady at McDonalds, Yes, people were watching when you told your son he could only eat his carrots if he finished his chicken nuggets first. And you didn't have to yell at him for it. Sincerely, thanks for contributing to the obesity problem in America. Dear nosy neighborhood moms, Yes, I'm 19, and the three year-old girl who lives with me? She's not my daughter. She's my little sister. Sincerely, I adopted her when our parents died. Dear 4 year old sister, When I asked what you wanted to be when you grew up, I expected you to say princess. Sincerely, but you're right... who wouldn't want to be a duck? Dear people, Yes. My name is Bella. Yes. My husband's name is Edward. Yes. He is older than me. Yes. I am from Arizona. The difference is, I'm 64 and have been married to Edward for 43 years. Sincerely, Stephanie Meyer stole my life! Dear boys who won't buy tampons for their girlfriends, It could be worse - they could be asking you to buy a pregnancy test. Sincerely, amused girl. Dear "friends", Yes that call was from my mom. Yes I call her mommy. Yes I said "I love you" before hanging up. No I'm not a "retard." Sincerely, teenage boy who doesn't care what you think. Dear woman who told me "there's a place for girls like you", This is my brother, not my son, I'm 17 he's 4, I'm taking him to the zoo so he can draw the monkeys. Sincerely, yeah there is a place for me, it's called awesome town! Dear Parents, No my bed did not break from me having sex. Sincerely, jumping and dancing on it. Dear girl who my boyfriend was flirting with over text, Thank you! I have so much respect for you! Sincerely, just looked through his texts and saw you telling him to piss off and love what he has. Dear Identical Twin Sister, Maybe you should rethink saying "I'm so ugly" in front of me. Sincerely, you just ruined my self esteem. Dear teacher who just yelled at me for using my phone in class, Actually, I was texting my little brother, wondering how his first chemo treatment is going. Sincerely, may I continue? Dear guy who called me gay for being in a musical, Just wait till opening night. Sincerely, Your girlfriends an awesome stage-kisser Dear Mother, Please locate the nearest dictionary. Now look up the definitions of mom, mother, and parent. Then proceed to look up the definition of dictator. Please note that they are not the same. Sincerely, Your irritated second-born. Dear girls who wear lots of glitter eyeshadow, You leave me no choice but to rate you from Ke$ha to Edward. Sincerely, seriously, tone it down. Dear 50 people who have posted on my Facebook wall for my birthday, I wonder how many of you actually KNEW my birthday? Sincerely, considering changing my Facebook birthdate for fun. Dear Disney, Maleficent taught me that when the popular kids snub you, make your own party. Cruella taught me to express myself. Jafar taught me never to let go of my dreams, even if they're as big as being sultan. Dr. Facilier taught me that you're lost without your friends. And Yzma taught me never to lose my flair. Sincerely, ...wait, I learned all the WRONG lessons, didn't I? Dear judgmental woman, I am twenty-seven and happily married with a wedding ring I can't wear because this pregnancy is making my fingers too swollen. Sincerely, the "knocked-up teenager" you were warning your kid about. Dear movie theater worker who just asked me if I'm old enough to see a PG-13 movie, I'm short not FIVE! Sincerely, 16 year old girl Dear teammates, Stop making fun of the marching band or I'll beat you with my French Horn. Sincerely, Head QB Dear Manufacturers of the Straw, Please make your straws longer than the bottles Sincerely, reaching for it with my tongue like a retarded chicken Dear World, You know something's wrong when calling someone a Virgin is considered an insult. Sincerely, Virgin - And Proud of It! Dear teacher who called me a spoiled brat in front of the entire class, You eavesdropped on me venting to my best friend how pissed I was that my mother got me a Tiffany necklace for my birthday. Here's what you didn't hear: What I had asked for my birthday present was to spend more time with her. Instead my mother bought the necklace. Sincerely, a spoiled nobody. Dear family who won't let me attend the funeral, I'm a lesbian, not a leper. Sincerely, I loved her, too... Dear doctor, The longer you leave me unattended in your office, the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar. Sincerely, where are you?! Dear girlfriend, Please be so kind as to explain to me how on earth you are pregnant. Sincerely, your infertile boyfriend. Dear mom and dad, Please don't hang up rainbow flags everywhere. I get it, you'll love me no matter what. Sincerely, wanting to go back in the closet. Dear strippers, If you are called exotic dancers then shouldn't drug dealers be called exotic pharmacists? Sincerely, makes sense to me... Dear teacher who asked me what I was day-dreaming about, boobs, BOOBS, sammich, boobs, SEX, hooters, dieing puppies, failing a test, OMG BOOBS, sammich, is she winking at me? Sincerely, should I have lied? Dear mom and dad, Why am I in trouble for jumping on my bed? I hear you jumping on yours every night... Sincerely, innocent eight year old. Dear people who say they just had a newborn baby, The newborn part is implied. No one thinks you just popped a 12-year-old out of your snatch. Sincerely, irritated by your redundancy. Dear little sister, I am so glad I took you to the library to help you learn sign language so you could befriend the deaf kid at school. Sincerely, just watched you sign "I do" to him. Dear guys in the locker room I apologize for checking you out during gym class, but try to understand my situation. If you were in a room with twenty naked chicks, you would look too. Sincerely, still in the closet Dear doctor, I'm not pregnant, I am not sexually active, nor have I ever been. I am not being bullied, I'm not anorexic and I don't make myself puke to get thinner. I have friends, my teachers aren't mean, my parents are not abusive and the absolute only thing stressing me out is all your stupid questions! Sincerely, can't a girl just have a stomach ache? Dear people, Please help, I'm 20 years old and I can't get a better job than at a fast food place. I'm socially awkward, and my only co-worker hates me. I'd complain, but my boss only cares about money. I'd leave, but I can't pass my drivers test, or any test I've ever taken. I'm in love with one of my only friends; she's a smart, athletic, gorgeous southern belle, but, I'm stuck in the friend zone. My only other friend is this guy who i'm pretty sure only talks to me, because he's mentally handicapped. To top it all off, I live in a freaking pineapple. Sincerely, Spongebob S Pants. Dear Christians who protest everything, Please go back and reread your Bibles. It's "love thy neighbor" not "condemn thy neighbor to hell just because you don't agree with them on something." Sincerely, a loving Catholic girl. | |||||||
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