Irresistable Malaria
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Joined 05-30-06, id: 1056671, Profile Updated: 12-31-08

The Illustrious Irrestitable Malaria, Queen of the North Kingdom: Completely Sagittarius with a Rising Sign of Aquarius. Is all the way an Archer, her inability to beat around the bush and sweet talk people has bitten her in the ass on several occasions. Entertains a passion for erotic literature and newly intriduced to the Wonderful World of S/M, B/D, and D/S. I am: Combustible, volcanic, excitable, fractions, perverse, a hothead, an awesome redhead, impatient (if patience is the ladder of philosophy, I am forever the slave of this tower) convulsive, agitated, a third-generation hippie, passioinate, BUT I AM NOT MUDEROUS, of savage intelligence, of disorderly emotions, I DWELL IN THE BELLY OF THE WIND. of acute mind, animated, inamored of the OPPOSITE EXTREME OF EVERYTHING easily exhilarated, when despondent, profoundly so, tempestuous glavanized by a look, an idea, or memory, imprudent, OF CONTRARY DISPOSITION, grotesque (although of good features), the eternal friend of a fearless and thoughful being, A dreamer who has only one true love- Larwence. A libertine who loves the moon as much as she loves the lantern. An agnostic who could not care enough to who created this earth. A WOMAN WHO HAS NOT BEEN REPRESSED TO GROVELLING LIKE AN ANIMAL. "Not that the story need be long, but it will take a long while to make it short." -Thoreau "Whatever sentence will bear to be read twice, we may be sure was thought twice." -Thoreau ~It is illegal for a man to surf naked with a sock over his genitals in Margate City, New Jersey. ~FUN FACT: In 1988 two Texas women were found fighting in a parking lot armed with a hammer and a tire iron. They were arguing over who had the biggest breasts. "I write of the great eternal truths that bind all men together the whole world over. We eat, we shit, we fuck, we kill, and we die." -Marquis de Sade -Irresistable Malaria.

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God Save the King by BayouWraith reviews
Sequel to Softly As I Leave You and set 16 years later. As the worst war the Underground has ever seen comes to an end, Jareth begins the task of picking up the pieces of his world and his life. JS Chapter 34 up
Labyrinth - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 108,916 - Reviews: 526 - Favs: 228 - Follows: 201 - Updated: 3/2/2012 - Published: 3/14/2005 - Jareth, Sarah
Broken but not shattered by the gentle lamb reviews
Claire experiences abuse from her current bf. Will Quil be there to pick up the pieces?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 15 - Words: 19,063 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 8/23/2011 - Published: 5/18/2010 - Claire, Quil Jr.
New Beginning by don'teatmycookie reviews
Bella uses Edward's laptop to start a journal.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 128,459 - Reviews: 1735 - Favs: 941 - Follows: 885 - Updated: 2/12/2011 - Published: 1/31/2008
Psychotic SuperPowered Vampirism by Pastiche Pen reviews
Uh, "Edward never came back," and Bella goes crazy. Not just "hearing a hot voice in my head" crazy but medically insane. Yeah, and she has a superpower and wants revenge. AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 13 - Words: 27,644 - Reviews: 815 - Favs: 425 - Follows: 267 - Updated: 3/15/2010 - Published: 9/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Life of a Sex Slave by EvaXephon reviews
Warning: This story contains sexual slavery and rape.
Fallout - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 9,047 - Reviews: 132 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 68 - Published: 9/29/2009
The Nymph and the Waterfall by Pastiche Pen reviews
Someone is spying on Bella at an "inconvenient" time. There's a gnome and a crap ex-best friend. All-human.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 83,768 - Reviews: 3141 - Favs: 3,327 - Follows: 1,116 - Updated: 6/15/2009 - Published: 12/3/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Red Line by WinndSinger reviews
Edward is an exotic male dancer. Bella is a college student studying psychology and needs a subject to do her thesis on. Bella pays Edward to belong to her for 2 weeks so she can study him. Things soon get very interesting between them.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 40 - Words: 351,671 - Reviews: 19645 - Favs: 12,776 - Follows: 5,807 - Updated: 5/1/2009 - Published: 1/26/2009 - Edward, Bella
Stephenie Meyer and the Glitter of Doom by browniechadowes reviews
Take 2. The characters of the Twilight series are back, and they are kicking butt and taking names commenting/altering New Moon. Rated M for general lack of a language sensor.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 28 - Words: 32,347 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 4/20/2009 - Published: 1/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Chronicles of Voldemort by CalixB reviews
Ever imagine what Voldemort's personal life was like? Well look no farther. Chronicles of Voldemort provides you with all the information you ever wanted to know about your favorite dark lord.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 30 - Words: 5,039 - Reviews: 172 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 7/5/2008 - Published: 8/11/2006 - Voldemort - Complete
Blowin' in the Wind by MidnightBlue88 reviews
In 1964, 5 teenagers [a hippie, a feminist, a preacher’s daughter, a war hero’s son and a shy writer] arrive at school to serve Saturday detention. What happens in that room changes everything, for themselves and for their children. [Challenge Response]
Breakfast Club - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 36,232 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 5/14/2007 - Published: 7/23/2006
Life after Labyrinth? by Nonsuch reviews
Sarah hasn't had a great life after Labyrinth, and the reason is basically encapsulated in one word, Jareth.
Labyrinth - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,252 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/6/2007 - Complete
How it feels to fail by Nonsuch reviews
Jareth takes defeat badly, but rejection far, far worse...
Labyrinth - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,290 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/31/2007 - Complete
Life before Sarah? by Nonsuch reviews
Jareth did not have a happy life before Sarah, no, his life mainly consisted of listening to his psycotic horse loving cousin and trying to deal with the total and utter illiteracy of his subjects. But then Sarah came... FINAL CHAPTER UP! COMPLETE!
Labyrinth - Rated: K - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 15 - Words: 27,797 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 1/28/2007 - Published: 10/24/2006 - Complete
Labyrinth II: Sarah's Return by returntolabyrinth reviews
You know the tale. A girl who fell in love with a story. A king who fell in love with a girl. The adventure. The fear. The heartbreak..... But what came next?
Labyrinth - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12,306 - Reviews: 344 - Favs: 334 - Follows: 337 - Updated: 1/14/2007 - Published: 10/29/2006
The Possession by PaisleyRose reviews
This is a slightly darker Labyrinth tale. The Williams Family are to die, can Sarah save her brother and new little sister? Will the right words still be the right words? Will anyone hear her? Does a rejected King still care enough to save them? ahhhh,
Labyrinth - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 78,495 - Reviews: 495 - Favs: 891 - Follows: 154 - Updated: 12/18/2006 - Published: 12/2/2006 - Complete
Misery Loves Company by xtotallyatpeacex reviews
Laugh. Cry. Be embarrassed as Katie Bell and her friends make their way through O.W.L. year with detentions, boyfriends, Quidditch and drunken nights out.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 110,028 - Reviews: 300 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 11/10/2006 - Published: 12/11/2005 - Katie B., Lee J.
Trusting You by DreamsofSpike reviews
Buffy says she could never trust Spike but how far is he willing to trust her?
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 32 - Words: 95,470 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 8/10/2006 - Published: 6/7/2006 - Buffy S., Spike - Complete
The End of Days by dansemacabre reviews
19 year old Sarah believes the Labyrinth is behind her, nothing more than a childish fantasy. When she realizes her adventures were real, how far will she go to save the Labyrinth... or the Goblin King who rules it? JS. COMPLETE.
Labyrinth - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 28 - Words: 99,808 - Reviews: 1410 - Favs: 2,169 - Follows: 444 - Updated: 2/15/2006 - Published: 8/25/2005 - Sarah, Jareth - Complete
The Surf Between the Waves by NeOnShArPiE reviews
“You killed them all,” I breathed. “I could’ve killed you, too.” Tavington’s eyes pierced deep into my soul his pistol aimed at me. “I wish you had.” Better summary inside.
Patriot - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 20,065 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 10/28/2005 - Published: 7/13/2004
The Stag and the Dragon by Kenya Starflight reviews
Crossover and OoTP AU. It's Harry's fifth year, and a desperate Dumbledore hires a new Dark Arts teacher who might prove to wreak more havoc than Umbridge ever could... Darth Vader.
Crossover - Star Wars & Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 21 - Words: 76,240 - Reviews: 711 - Favs: 1,103 - Follows: 304 - Updated: 5/6/2005 - Published: 10/21/2004 - Darth Vader, Harry P. - Complete
Sunlight by cyropi reviews
You can’t remember how to breathe or think because there is nothing but the pain, and you want your sunlight back.' Contains violence, Dark Arts and abuse.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,287 - Reviews: 132 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 17 - Published: 4/6/2005 - Draco M., Lucius M.
Van Helsing: the Microwaveable Pop Tart Version by Yrch Monger reviews
A “slightly” abridged version of the film Van Helsing. In which Gabriel has the intelligence of a swallow, Anna turns into Mufasa, and Carl is unable to distinguish which movie he’s actually starring in.
Van Helsing - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,849 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/11/2004 - Complete
Stockholm Syndrome by BlueSchmoo reviews
What really happened between Imoen and Jon Irenicus before she broke free from the dungeons BGII? What is the real reason for Jon's lust for power? Please R & R! Rated R for mature content, torture. New chapter to come soon!
Baldur's Gate - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 6 - Words: 16,933 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 3/30/2004 - Published: 3/8/2004
That Which Could Never Be by cyropi reviews
It was a difficult mission - stealing evidence to imprison Narcissa Malfoy - but Hermione didn't expect to be captured and imprisoned in the Malfoy dungeons, completely at the mercy of her enemies. Meanwhile, her friends are planning her rescue...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 16,814 - Reviews: 126 - Favs: 135 - Follows: 27 - Published: 3/26/2004 - Hermione G., Draco M.
AntiStumpy's Anti Stumpy Society's The Patriot by Duchess of Inkling reviews
This is a revised and improved edition of The Patriot, as approved by Anti-Stumpy's Anti Stumpy Society, who produced this in their own studios at Wet and Weedy Productions. And no, don't take it too seriously.
Patriot - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,698 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/26/2004