![]() Hey! I’m Mary the Dog Girl and I’m a Jesus Freak. (And if you didn't know that is my real dog as my avatar. Isn't she cute?) I love dogs and I love God. It’s a win win situation. I am a total nerd and proud to be one. My favorite color is purple and I love hanging out with my friends. Also, I love movies and I love a good laugh. If you like my stories, thank my friends. Somehow I ended up with friends that can edit like a professional (cough...cough… Likes to Smiles…cough…Tori…cough). They are amazing. I give them this piece of crap (my writing) and they turn it into something incredible. I suggest you read the story Hinata’s Unhappy Life if you like Naruto. Personally I don’t watch Naruto, but if you want a good story it’s an awesome read. It’s by my friend Likes to Smile and it’s rated T. Things about me This is a list of things you’d probably like to know if you knew me. 1. I love dogs 2. I love God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. (Amen) 3. I love milk. (Go Cows! Moo!) 4. I hate Chinese food and I am allergic to bananas. 5. I am allergic to cat spit mixed with cat fur (stay away hairballs). 6. My favorite color is purple and I want to be an architect when I grow up. 7. I call my sister "Lamby". 8. I like the oldie stuff (music, movies, ect.). 9. I don't like odd numbers. 10. I am absolutely sarcastic (sure…) and I like making people laugh. 11. I like scary movies (My friend got me hooked). 12. I could’t spell to save my life. (See? Thank-you spell check) 13. I love to be organized, but I am a really messy person. 14. I am a multi-tasker to no end (Tori: “You’re finishing the warm-up and saying the Pledge of Allegiance at the same time. That says a lot.” Me: “Don’t care” (I ‘m not even left-handed)). 15. I hate skinny jeans. (That may because if I wore skinny jeans, they wouldn’t be so skinny) 16. My favorite sayings are “I told you so…” and “You’re a…”. 17. I like cold condiments (I will not eat something with warm ketch-up). 18. I pop my fingers and toes a lot. (I can pop my finger in eight different ways. (Some people call it sick I call it a talent.)) Alright, I consider myself weird. And so do my friends. And once you read this list you will too. 1. I hate soda and love milk so much that I asked for it for my birthday. (I got 2 ½ gallons!!) 2. When someone tells me a habit, I somehow end up getting it too. (My pastor told me when he talks about anything he doesn’t like, his toes scrunch up. Now mine do too.) 3. I have an alter ego. 4. I have a million nicknames for my friends and sister. (Lamby, Clammy, Spamy, Hammy, Eggs and Hammy, Salmon, and the list goes on...) 5. I will not eat beef for two reasons; Global Warming (look it up) and I love milk too much (How could I kill a cow?). 6. I am a girl (which part of my username gave it away?) and own only 3 pairs of shoes if I include my slippers. 7. If you pinch/poke a certain part of my back my legs give out. (Tori figured that one out. Shocking.) 8. When I look out of my car window, I look at things and try to figure out how there made and how the got there. (dork) 9. My friend (cough…Tori…cough) already arranged me to marry her unemotional sarcastic cousin because she says were so much alike. (whatever…) 10. I make up words and acronyms on a daily basis. (loti-laughing on the inside; another acronym for lol, otvod-another acronym for emo; on the verge of death, yever- combination of yes and whatever, and yokey- combination of yes and okay) Random or Cool Stuff Try reading this… I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosnt mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! Funny Stuff (\)_(/) TOP TEN Excuses - If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work: 10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to." 8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white-out. You probably got here just in time!" 7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm." 6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance." 5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?" 4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 3. "The coffee machine is broken..." 2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..." And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk. 1. " ... AMEN!" They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled 'BANG', I don't think you'd kill to many people. I'm not with stupid anymore! Education is important, school however, is another matter. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them. Don’t mess with me I've got a stick. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow. Boys are like knives, usefull but they'll cut you eventually. (cough, cough Edward cough, cough) If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't. I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either. Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it. She Said: You wear pants don't you? "mommy?" "yes honey?" "why does the bride where white to her wedding?" "Because white is the colour of happiness sweetheart" "then why does the groom where black?" Come to the darkside--we have cookies I don’t suffer from insanity…I enjoy every minute of it! I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive "Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the word 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?" "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'" I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, geez! 25 Things my Mom Taught Me 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them, they die. I'm not asking you what you want. I'm telling you what you need. And what you need is a banana. Thanks to Twilight...if that certain boy seems to ignore me...it's only because he's a vampire and he's polite enough to resist my blood. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously over looked something. If I remember it, it's important. If I don't...then it's sure as hell not important to me whatsoever. I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Or a game of fake heart attacks. -Demetri Martin. Why do pyschics have to ask you for your name? I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Quiz 1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex. 2.Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, or yellow? 3. Your first initial? 4. Your month of birth? 5. Which color do you like more, black or white? 6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours. 7. Your favorite number? 8. Do you like California or Florida more? 9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more? 10. Write down a wish (a realistic one). Are you done? If so scroll down (don't cheat- -) THE ANSWERS 1. You are completly in love with this person 2. If you choose Red: You are alert and your life is full of love. Black: You are conservitive and agressive. Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. Blue: You are spontaneous and and love kisses and affection from the ones you love. Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down. 3. If your initial is: A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is is soon to blossom. S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good. 4. If you were born in: Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relashonship that will not last long but the memories will last forever. July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experiance a major life changing experiance for the good. Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soulmate. 5. If you choose... Black: Your life will take on in a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change. White: You will have a friend who completely confides with you and would do anything for you, but may not realize it. 6. This person is your best friend. 7. THis is how many close friends you will have in a lifetime. 8. If you choose California: You like adventure. Florida: You are a laidback person. 9. If you choose... Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved. Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people. 10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come before your next birthday Some Serious Stuff A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it? Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Girls You can copy and paste any of this stuff. I hope it made you laugh. Thanks for reading... |
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