kittkatkatie13
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Joined 01-10-09, id: 1799953, Profile Updated: 11-06-09
Author has written 1 story for Twilight.

Hi, my name is Katie Yauch. I love twilight, and i love fanfiction, so.

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so
that she could live. If you would do this for a loved on, copy and paste onto your profile.


Rock, Paper, Scissors

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole."

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your asses off.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

Regular lions say ROAARR.
Angry lions say BLARGAROARIMMAEATYOU
Sad lions say roooaaar.
Mountain lions say: OMGEDWARDCULLENRUN!

I Ran with scissors, and lived!

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.

Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I see regular people!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

Don't yawn in the shower. You might drown. -Bill Cosby

There's a ME in AWESOME but there's also a WE.

I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun

Palm Reader: -gasp- "You're going to die. But don't worry, you'll live through it."

Therapist = The/rapist (scary thought -shudder-)

I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy! -Dory from Finding Nemo

I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork."

Music is my boyfriend.

Edward Cullen made every girl want a bloodthirsty vampire instead of a knight in shining armor.

“You and Billy gossip like old women.” Bella, Eclipse.

“Penguins. Lovely.” Edward, Eclipse

"Amazing, How can someone so tiny be so annoying?" Edward, Eclipse

"Next time you want to hit me, use a baseball bat or a crowbar, okay?" Jacob, Eclipse

"I guess I could throw in a few extra homicides, if it will make Jasper happy. Why not." Bella, Eclipse.

"Stupid shiny Volvo owner."-Bella, Twilight

"Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that in movies."-Jacob, Eclipse

"How strongly opposed are you to grand auto theft?"
-Alice, New Moon

"Oh! I get it! You love me!"
-Bella, New Moon.

“I’m really glad Edward didn’t kill you. Everything’s so much more fun with you around.” — Emmett Cullen

“Edward’s only human, Bella. He’s going to react like any other boy.”
— Angela Weber

“This hostage stuff is fun.”
— Alice Cullen

“Fall down again, Bella?” — Emmett Cullen

“I can’t imagine how awful that must feel. Being normal? Ugh.” — Bella Swan

"I hear voices in my mind and you worried that you're the freak."-Edward

"Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior." Bella

"Go fetch a space heater... what am I a St. Bernard?"
-Jacob

"Afraid of a needle." he muttered to himself under his breath, shaking his head. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand..." -- Edward Cullen

"I've been tortured, Alice painted my toenails!"
-Bella Swan

"It's a good thing you're bulletproof."
-- Bella Swan

Emmet: "Fall again, Bella?"
Bella: "No Emmet, I punched a wear wolf in the face."

"You are bizarrely moral for a vampire."
-- Bella Swan

"Stupid unreliable vampire!"
-Bella

“Which is tempting you more, my or my body?”
-Bella

"Do you have a multiple personality disorder?"-Bella Swan

They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

Girl Talk
Did you know...
kissing is healthy.
bananas are good for period pain.
it's good to cry.
chicken soup actually makes you feel better.
94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.
lying is actually unhealthy.
you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.
it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.
89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.
it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.
chocolate will make you feel better.
most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.
a good friend never judges.
a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.
boys aren't worth your tears.
we all love surprises.
Now... make a wish.
Wish REALLY hard!!
WISH WISH WISH WISH
Your wish has just been recieved.
Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...
Your wish will be granted.

whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Can a fire truck park in the fire lane?

"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?

Are marbles made of marble?

Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?

If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

1. Repeat everything the person says in a question.
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World." incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
4. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh no, not now, damn motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally. (Brian can do this and actually sound like a real cat... him and bolly started speaking cat back and forth and it was hysterical!)
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say, "I wonder what all these do." and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
25. Ask every passenger that goes up if you can press the button for them.
26. Log on to a computer, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream: "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
27. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
28. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the dang thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
29. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
30. Bring a chain saw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
31. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
32. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
33. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, and then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
34. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
35. Send e-mails constantly to the person next to you.
36. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
37. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
38. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
39. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
40. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
41. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
42. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
43. Swat at flies that don't exist.
44. Dance, while drumming noisily against the walls.

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

98 percent of teens have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent that hasn't, copy and paste this on your profile.

95 percent of teens worry about being popular. If you're one of the 5 percent who doesn't, copy/paste this on your profile.

95 percent of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5 percent that would shout "Jump assholes, jump!"

If you think being unique is way cooler than being cool, copy/paste this on your profile.

If you are one of those teenagers who never smoke, copy/paste this on your profile.

If you don't do drugs and never will, copy/paste this on your profile.

If you think cancer is awful, copy/paste this on your profile.

IF you set aside a portion of the day to reading/writing, or a combination of the two, copy/paste this on your profile.

Don't click here!


You Can Hate Me, After You Pay Me by sambeam reviews
Bella Swan is a high school prostitute from Arizona, the new dangerous girl in town. Edward is bored with normal life and is obsessed with finding pure beauty in anything. All Human, OOC. Normal pairings. Lemons. Angtsy deliciousness.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 12,423 - Reviews: 172 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 182 - Updated: 4/1/2009 - Published: 2/15/2009
Bella used to have a best friend reviews
when bella still lived in Arizona, she had a best friend named Rachel. she comes to visit bella 4 years after breaking dawn. story is better than it sounds i promise:
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,690 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 11/4/2009 - Published: 11/3/2009 - Bella, Rachel