![]() Author has written 1 story for Danny Phantom. (to those that have created or posted these: YOU'R ALL FREAKIN GENIUSES) If you are starting to like darkness more then light, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you want to be the type of girl that makes the devil go "oh crap, she's up!" when your feet hit the floor in the morning, copy and paste this. If you ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this in your profile. A world without Light would be dark but a world without L is just a word. If you have ever considered murdering someone and actually found yourself plotting their demise copy this to your profile Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile If you and/or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile. If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile. If 2 of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you be standing there laughing your ass off. If you are copy and paste this If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile! There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. If Edward Cullen was on top of a building about to jump. Copy this if you are in the 5% who brought popcorn, a chair, and shouted "DO A FLIP!" Repost if you'd do the same thing if it was Justin Bieber. Copy and paste this if you are obsessed with Fanfiction You have the right to swing first. However, if you choose to swing first, any move you make can and will be used as an excuse to beat the shit out of you. You have the right to have a doctor and a priest present. If you cannot afford a doctor or are not presently attending a church of your choice, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand what I just told you, Asshole?? You laugh because I'm a little different; I laugh because I rigged your house with explosives. When you drink, you get drunk. When you get drunk, you sleep. When you sleep, you commit no sin. So let's all get drunk and go to heaven! Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them. You're a great friend but if the zombies chase us I'm tripping you. It's shiny and in video game rules, it's important. I Googled you today and I'm disturbed with what I found. There's two kinds of people in the world, those who have a plan prepared for when the zombies take over the earth, and those who don't... We call those last people, dinner. Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas. Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done. Why would I steel something that doesn't involve money...? Wait, that didn't come out right. What I meant to say was 'why would I steal something at all'. I'm a good girl. "An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough." -Colbert Irony: Falling down the stairs due to distraction by the "watch your step" sign. "Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway" -Elbert Hubbard You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. (Unless no one knows that you're responsible for it; then it's probably best to lie low and wait for it to blow over.) When you lose, don't lose the lesson. (And the lesson is: "Vengeance!") "The older you get, the sooner it ends." Insanity is just a word for "eccentric genius" A wise man once said, "Ask a girl." When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with! Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. When in doubt, push random buttons! You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft! I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid. , of course I'm perfectly civil, but that's only because I choose to direct my anger towards such fruitful pursuits as plotting your untimely and gruesome death. Have a nice day, now. "We've just witnessed what I like to call 'misdirected rage'. I believe the technical term is 'being an ass'."- Shigure (Fruits Basket) "A hero has the power to move the world. A true hero has the power to destroy the world but chooses not to despite what the world thinks of them." -Joseph Patrick Lyons “my boobs give me super strength!” "The one who smiles the most is the one who's the most broken. The one who fights the most is the one who wants to find peace. The one who encourages others is the one who always feels useless. The one who seems insane is the one who is just following a life no one else understands, or will ever believe. Nor do they want to." "They laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at them because they're all the same." "Sometimes people put up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to tear them down." "Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss." "Smirk, it makes people wonder what you’re up to, while scaring the crap out of them at the same time!" "True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." "Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door." "When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!" "They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly I think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," I don't think many people would be dead..." "Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED!! Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing." "'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUH! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!" "You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear." "I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!" "Heaven doesn’t want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over." "When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you" "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face" "Tired of living and scared of dying" "Scared to remember, terrified to forget" "Education is important, school however, is another matter." "Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more" "Don’t mess with me I've got a stick." "I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends." "Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't" "I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either." "Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls." "Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." "Death is but our next great adventure." When all else fails crowbar the fucker! Say no to drugs, there are better things, like anime :3 I'm smiling because they haven't found the body yet! The problem with reality is that there's no background music. I'm not paranoid! Which one of my enemies told you this??? I'm not weird; you're just too normal. Ever get the feeling that your being watched. Dinosaurs aren't extinct, they're shy. Don't judge a book by its movie. Me? Sarcastic? Noooo... A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. Sometimes when I'm alone I try and move stuff with my mind. Unfortunately, I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. Some of my worse mistakes were haircuts. It's not like someones going to bring you happiness on a silver platter...oohhh cookie!! Don't play dumb with me - I'm better at it! When in doubt - poke it with a stick Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect BOMB SQUAD: If you see me running, you better catch up. I would be a morning person if it wasn't so early. The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity ATTENTION: Due to recent budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been shut off If loving some is putting them in a straitjacket & then kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people. I don't just embrace insanity, I feel it up, French kiss it, and then buy it a drink Heavily armed, and easily pissed I had a best friend, but then the rope broke, then that fucker got away! WARNING THIS PERSON IS. Evil, Crazy, Insane, And Fucking Naughty. I do have some good traits. I just don't dwell on them. ALSO STAY OUTTA MY SHED! *Muffled screams can be heard from my shed* YOU HEARD AND SAW NOTHING!*runs in shed, leaving door unlocked but closed enter if you dare* FEAR - Fuck everything and run you ever wished you would talk to animals, copy and paste this into your profile. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation." "You mean to tell me that me and Yugi are denstined to play card games for all of eternity? (Beat) Best. Destiny. Ever." "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." "Go fuck yourself with a lead pipe." "All power is the same. Magic. Physical strength. Economic strength. Political strength. It all serves a single purpose-it gives its possessor a broader spectrum of choices. It creates alternative courses of action." "Dude, this is fucking weak." "Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories." "I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away" "What do you want to do tonight Brain? ""The same thing we do every night Pinky, Try to take over the world!" Pinky & The Brain "Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them" Office "Any plan where you lose your hat is a bad plan" "The aim of the wise is not to secure pleasure, but to avoid pain." "Knowledge is power, guard it well." "One should respect public opinion in so far as it is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny." "Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe." "Giving money and power to Government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys." "Diplomacy - the art of saying Nice doggie' 'til you can find a stick." "Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn" "Idle hands are the Devil's playthings." "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." "I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In Morse code." "Once you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow" "The only gossip I'm interested in is things from the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured'. That kind of thing." "When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money". "My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes." "And on the eighth day God said, 'Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!'" "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity." "There's no such thing as fun for the whole family." "War is hell and all that, but it has a good deal to recommend it. It wipes out all the small nuisances of peace-time." "It is bad luck to fall out of a thirteenth story window on a Friday." "A Buddhist monk, visiting New York City for the first time in twenty years, walked up to a hot dog vendor, handed him a twenty dollar bill, and said, "Make me one with everything."The vendor pocketed the money, and handed the Buddhist monk his hot dog. The monk, after waiting for a moment, asked for his change. The vendor looked at him and said, "Change comes from within." With a wistful smile, the monk walked away." "I am the hammer, I am the right hand of the Emperor, the instrument of His will, the gauntlet about His fist, the tip of His spear, the edge of His sword!" "Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent." "They are in front of us, behind us, and we are flanked on both sides by an enemy that outnumbers us 29:1. They can't get away from us now!" "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late." "I believe in benevolent dictatorship, provided I am the dictator" "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." "If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn't show up." Dr Seuss "Hear no evil, speak no evil - and you'll never be invited to a party." "Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble." "If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon." "It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one." "If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?" "The two things no man can ever understand; Women and what makes all men complete damn fools over women." "Chaos. I remain, as ever, thy faithful, degenerate son." What's the difference between a dead cat in the road and a dead clown in the road?" "Hey man, love is a beautiful multi-tentacled thing. No need to suppress your feelings. Just get a room first, and clean up after yourselves." "Don't fuck with doctors. They know how to mess you up." "It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "No it's—" "Will you shut the fuck up?!?" "Don't take life too seriously 'cause in the end, you won't get out alive." “Oh, this is me being brave! I wanna be brave at home, locked in my closet, with my teddy bear!” "My Doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing." "Why does Facebook even give me the option to like my own status? Of course I'll like my own status. I'm hilarious. And sexy." "I hate when I'm trying to sleep and my mind's like 'You know what's a great movie? Paranormal activities.'" "My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father." "SCHOOL: 22=4 HOMEWORK: 242=8 EXAM: Omar has 4 apples, his train is 7 minutes early. Calculate the mass of the sun." -Anonymous "One person's freedom-fighter is another person's terrorist." "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you." —Bryan Mills "Looked dead, didn't I? But I wasn't. And it wasn't for lack of trying, I can tell you that. Actually, Bill's last bullet put me in a coma. A coma I was to lie in for four years. When I woke up, I went on what the movie advertisements referred to as a Roaring Rampage of Revenge. I roared. I rampaged. And I got bloody satisfaction. I've killed a hell of a lot of people to get to this point, but I have only one more. The last one. The one I'm driving to right now. The only one left. And when I arrive at my destination... I am gonna KILL BILL." — The Bride "8 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas, 6,000,000,000 people, AND I'M SINGLE." -Anonymous The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. 7 reasons not to mess with kids Reason 1: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”. Reason 2: A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.” Reason 3: A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.” Reason 4: One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?” Reason 5: The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’ A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ”And there’s the teacher, she’s dead. ” Reason 6: A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face..” “Yes,” the class said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.” Reason 7: The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want - God is watching the apples." Uchiha Itachi Facts (the Chuck Norris of Naruto) Uchiha Itachi doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage. Uchiha Itachi doesn't actually write haiku, the words assemble themselves out of fear. When Uchiha Itachi goes out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul. Uchiha Itachi does not sleep, he waits. Uchiha Itachi does not shower. He only takes blood baths. Uchiha Itachi can divide by zero. In the medical community, death is referred to as "Uchiha Itachi Disease" Uchiha Itachi crossed a road. No one dared question his motives. Lightning never strikes in the same place twice because Uchiha Itachi is looking for it. The universe is expanding because it's running away from Uchiha Itachi 10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL 10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks 9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies 8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly 7. Our magazines have horiscopes 6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around 5. Our friends don't say "hi" by punching us in the arm 4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month 3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have 2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket 1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing 20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity: 1: At lunch time, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dry at passing cars; see if they slow down 2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice. 3: Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that 4: Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN" 5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso 6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS" 7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy" 8: Dont use any punctuation 9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking 10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face 11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO" 12: Sing along at the opera 13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme 14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical sounds all day 15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party cause you don't 'feel like it' 16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom" 17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON, I WON" 18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives they're loose" 19: Tell your children (or younger sibling) that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go" 20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile! 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC " Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ." 7. My mother taught me IRONY "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me WEATHER "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me ENVY "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me RECEIVING "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22.My Mother taught me GENETICS "I swear you're just like your father." 23. My Mother taught me about MY ROOTS "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My Mother taught me WISDOM "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you" FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!' FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWESOME" FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'its because your gay isn't it?' FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail BEST FRIENDS: Are next to you saying "Man we screwed up!" FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter BEST FRIENDS: Will re-post this crap! Just scroll down to the end, but while you do, think of a wish. Make your wish when you have completed scrolling. Whatever age you are, is the number of minutes it will take for your wish to come true. ex.you are 25 years old, it will take 25 minutes for your wish to come true). Go for it! SCROLL DOWN! STOP! Congratulations! Your wish will now come true in your age minutes.Now follow this carefully...it can be very rewarding! If you re-post this within the next 5 min. something major that you've been wanting will happen. This is scary! The phone will ring right after you re-post!(or will it) WHEN the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride, When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man, When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws, Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say, Man, a bear in most relations—worm and savage otherwise,— Fear, or foolishness, impels him, ere he lay the wicked low, But the Woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast She can bring no more to living than the powers that make her great She is wedded to convictions—in default of grosser ties; Unprovoked and awful charges—even so the she-bear fights, So it comes that Man, the coward, when he gathers to confer And Man knows it! Knows, moreover, that the Woman that God gave him The Female of the Species by Rudyard Kipling Post this in your profile if you believe Homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it. I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. The Law of Anime The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle. #01 — Law of Metaphysical Irregularity — The normal laws of physics do not apply. #02 — Law of Differential Gravitation — Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit the ground, vehicle, or someone's cranium. #03 — Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics — In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way. #04 — Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion — In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity. #05 — Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion — The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science. #06 — Law of Temporal Variability — Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight. #07 — First Law of Temporal Mortality — "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. NOTE: Sometimes, Anime heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg and the real hero/villain's suspiciously missing in "Mallet-space", or something. #08 — Second Law of Temporal Mortality — It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they don't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain. #09 — Law of Dramatic Emphasis — Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white). #10 — Law of Dramatic Multiplicity — Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a "Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles. #11 — Law of Inherent Combustibility — Everything explodes. Everything. First Corollary Anything that explodes bulges first. Second Corollary Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City". #12 — Law of Phlogistatic Emission — Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds. #13 — Law of Energetic Emission — There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility. #14 — Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude — The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass. First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon. #15 — Law of Inexhaustibility — No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious. #16 — Laws of Inverse Accuracy — The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the "Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss. First Corollary The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage. Second Corollary Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds, the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape. Third Corollary Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers. Fourth Corollary The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he will hit. #17 — Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability — Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs to get out more.) #18 — Law of Hemoglobin Capacity — The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure. #19 — Law of Demonic Consistency — Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work just as well... #20 — Law of Militaristic Unreliability — Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song. First Corollary Whenever a single war machine (mecha, star-ship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses. #21 — Law of Tactical Unreliability — Tactical geniuses aren't... #22 — Law of Inconsequential Undetectability — People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle. #23 — Law of Juvenile Intellectuality — Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying. #24 — Law of American thromorphism — Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy". First Corollary The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect) Second Corollary The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors. Third Corollary Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome "Good Guys". #25 — Law of Mandibular Proportionality — The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating. #26 — Law of Feline Mutation — Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: 1) be female. 2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation. 3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any. #27 — Law of Conservation of Firepower — Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort. #28 — Law of Technological User-Benevolence — The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity. #29 — Law of Melee Luminescence — Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil. #30 — Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism — All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason. #31 — Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability — Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation. #32 — Law of Follicular Permanence — Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons! #34 — Law of Probable Attire — Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them. First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) — All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow. Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage. Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence) The clothing on the hero is indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows, or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48) #35 — Law of Musical Omnipotence — Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they've never attempted these things before. #36 — Law of Quintupular Agglutination — Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are: 1) The Hero/Leader 2) His Girlfriend 3) His Best Friend/Rival 4) A Hulking Brute 5) A Dwarf/Kid Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include: 1) Extreme Coolness 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible Irritation #37 — Law of Extradimensional Capacitance — All anime females have an extra-dimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice. This mysterious dimension is commonly called "Malletspace". First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule) The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas. #38 — Law of Hydrostatic Emission — Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid. #39 — Law of Inverse Attraction — Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get and vice-versa. First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world... #40 — Law of Nasal Sanguination — When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region. #41 — Law of Xylolaceration — Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper. #42 — Law of Juvenile Omnipotence — Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst. #43 — Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia — There is no Law #43. #44 — Law of Nominative Clamovocation — The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect). #45 — Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis — Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. #46 — Law of Flimsy Incognition — Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives. #47 — Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission — All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry. #48 — Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism — If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won't have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect"). First Corollary When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44. #49 — Law of Female wrath — If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today's society. #50 — Law of Artistic Perversion — Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression. #51 — Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation — This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they've seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave Phenomenon") #52 — Law of Telepathic Obliviousness — Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO'S TELEPATHIC! The reasons for this are: 1) They forgot that the person is telepathic. 2) They just don't give a damn. The reasons the telepathic person doesn't react are: 1) They're preoccupied with doing something else. 2) They'd rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic. 3) They just don't give a damn. #53 — Law of Chromatic Diversity — Air can be any color of the view-able spectrum. #54 — Law of Old Man Comic Relief — Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits. First Corollary If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid, etc., there will invariably be an old woman to wham him over the head with a frying pan or something. #55 — Law of the Wise Old Man — Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything. #56 — Law of Omnipotent Unreliability — Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late. First Corollary All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use it against the "Good Guy". Second Corollary No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military device without one of the following events occurring: a) The control device being broken. The control device being taken by the "Good Guy". c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just "fooled" by the "Good Guy". d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device. #57 — Law of Minimum Corneal Volume — Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face's total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman. #58 — Law of Electrical Charges in Hair — Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes: a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me look. A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look. #59 — Law of Ammunition Accuracy — When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods) #60 — Law of Active Female Attraction — In a comedy series, a male character's attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn't get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.) #61 — Law of Sweat Pore Variability — When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11. #62 — The Law of Inverse Training Time — A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month. #63 — Law of Needs to Few and Many — The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one. #64 — Law of Bad Humor — Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall. (The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.) #65 — Law of Extreme Anger — Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy's face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49) #66 — Law of Differentiated Gravitation — First Corollary If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least 500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping". Second Corollary The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb. of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential. #67 — Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension — In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy's" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy's" Style Coefficient. #68 — Law of Coercive Vehicular Control — No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis. First Corollary — Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and lethality of the maneuver. Second Corollary — It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character's consent. This does not always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension. #69 — Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension — In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy's" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension. #70 — Law of The Rushing Background Effect — Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion. #71 — Law of Interdimensional Hammers — Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and 65) #72 — Law of Instant Band-Aids — Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character's next scene. #73 — Law of Universal Edge Defense — Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime. #74 — Law of Intractable Sanity — There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either: a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and exposition), Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a position to ravish beautiful girls. b) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling. #75 — Law of Celestial Body Control — At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette. #76 — Law of Aura of Forgetfulness — Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise? #77 — Law of Cool Hair Factor — The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48) #78 — Law of Inverse Coping — Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it. #79 — Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability — The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn't work in real life... #80 — Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics — If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain's cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician. #81 — Law of Shades/Coolness Factor — Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you're normally a klutz. #82 — Law of Hentai Plot — The proper response to any change in the plot-line of a Hentai anime is to start having sex. #83 — Law of Understatement — Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible. First Corollary Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that's impossible!" whenever the hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he is wrong and will invariably be toasted. #84 — Law of Dormant Powers — Anytime a hero is somehow out-powered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did! #85 — Law of Style Coefficient — In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84) #86 — Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor — Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they've never won against the "Good Guy" (because they're Eeeviill!). They usually get so cocky, they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack. Usually this results in: a) The hero escaping. Clean-up for the underlings. c) The villain getting toasted. #87 — Law of Tableware Nonexistence — There IS no spoon! #88 — Law of Goofy Turn-On's — In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up. #89 — Law of Penile Variance — All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it... #90 — Law of Hentai Female Characteristics — All Hentai women have the following characteristics: 1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples. 2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas. #91 — Law of Vaginal Variance — Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina. #92 — Law of Hero Identification — All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves. #93 — Law of Cute Mascots — Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death! First Corollary If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following him around is there because: 1) It's his girlfriend's. 2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so. 3) Chicks will dig him more. Second Corollary If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by a cat, cute lil' mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because: 1) It's her boyfriend's. 2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so. 3) It makes her look cool. #94 — Law of The Force — Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks. #95 — Law of Naughty Tentacles — All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She's 18! No! Really, she is! I'm not lying!...") First Corollary Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is, but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the skin of the tentacle... Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also known as the Goofy Meter Red-line Effect). Third Corollary Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again. #96 — Law of Cat-Fighting — Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur. First Corollary A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko Thing") #97 — Law of Healing — Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".) #98 — Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics — All ships, either waterborne or space-borne, have the following crew members: 1) The captain 2) His Lieutenant 3) Various female technical staff 4) A hotshot pilot 5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not) 6) The Doctor 7) The Doctor's assistant (either a spy or not) Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include: 1) Extreme coolness/luck 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible irritation 4) Extreme cuteness 5) Irresponsible drunkenness 6) Homophobicness 7) Emotionless (Idiots.) #99 — Law of Sparklies — Whenever a character of the main character's interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so... #100 — Law of Anime Events — Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen. OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intention-ed but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. RIP We shall remember |
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