![]() Author has written 1 story for Mortal Instruments. Ooh, I haven't written a bio yet... But I don't know what to fill it with... So I'll leave it for now. And now I can be bothered to write a bio... So I shall. Let us begin... I ship a serious amount of people... MALEC FOREVER! JALEX FOREVER! I have a thing for bad guys. *cough* The Joker, Loki, Khan *cough* Ummm... What else...????????? Oh yes. I'm married to at least 200 different men, all in different parallel universes and I share these men with my good friend ApolloNico24601. R.I.P. Heath Ledger, one of the greatest actors and men to have ever lived. I felt that you needed to know this random shit about me. That reminds me of another thing. I'm really rude and tend to swear a lot. And I have a filthy mind. I can't write to save my life. I would post a whole ton of things all the time, but this goddamned real life gets in the way... It's pissing me off now. This is way more important than real life... Apologies for that, caffeine high... I need to sleep... I'm so sorry everyone who follows these crappy stories about not updating in ages. I've been really busy and lost all inspiration, so I apologise so much, and thanks for sticking around. Unless you haven't, and have given up on me. Which you all probably have. I've deleted all my stories apart from The Child because all the others were crappy. So yeah. And APOLOGIES for the lack of update on The Child, I am working on it, but it isn't working... My brain refuses to co-operate... RIGHT!!!!!!! That's in capitals so you notice it. I did send out a couple of messages to people, but then i realised that I had to do 58 messages. So I'm so sorry for lack of updating, and I feel you all deserve an apology. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't. I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrist. I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz. I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed. I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat. I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell. I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell. I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world. I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals. I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not care about being resposible. I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay. I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash. I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants. I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem. I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store. I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore. I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut. I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob. I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo. I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars. I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy. I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore. I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut. I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals. I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one". I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST! I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. I HAVE STRAIGHT A's, so I MUST have no life. I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention. I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player. I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe. I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll. I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi. I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO. I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT. I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited. I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13. I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy. I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas. I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction. I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude. I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent. I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly. I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid. I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7 I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up. I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist. I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork. I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect. I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil. I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty. I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control. I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister. I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive. I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border. I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat. I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot. I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis. I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay. I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich. I don't like the sun, so I MUST be albino. I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party. I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo. I couldn't hurt a FLY, so I MUST be a pussy. I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone. I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too. I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't. I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch. My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills. I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch. I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs. I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser. I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself. I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse. I’m a CROSSDRESSER, So I must be gay. I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak. I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted. I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled. I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak. I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant. I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep. I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts. I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent. I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend. I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers. I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare. I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth. I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid. I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER! I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future. I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE. I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy. I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue. I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex. I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins. I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan. I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion. I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian. I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see. I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED. I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST. I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST. I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick. I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY. I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish. I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE. I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard. I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean. I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid. I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s. I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times. I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around. I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian. I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting. I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak. I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life. I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too. I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp. I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist. I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake. I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems. I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist. Favorite Quotes: Love your enemies! It really pisses them off. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. Guns don't kill people. I do. Mwuhahaha. People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual. Smile. It confuses people. Taste the rainbow- EAT CRAYONS Being normal is overrated. Never hide the bodies in the same place, your closet gets full after a while. YOU GAY FAG!!!! HAHAHAHA I just called you a happy bundle of sticks! You laugh because I'm little different; I laugh because I rigged your house with explosives. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas. I'd tell you to go to hell, but I live there and don't really want to see you everyday. Stalkers are your best friends, they just hide behind trees more. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every last minute of it! I'm such a REBEL. I leave a message BEFORE the beep. Don't walk in my footsteps, I walk into walls. I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my handle, here is my...other handle? Shit now I'm a suger bowl. Rules For Hogwarts: - If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE! - Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar - I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month. - I will not say 'dude, get a life' to Lord Voldemort - I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape - Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda - I am not to refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'. - The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. - If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 10 minutes, I shall assume that I am not allowed to use it. - It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate. - "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge. - Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey." - I am not allowed to paint the House Elves blue and call them smurfs - No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. - Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in May...June...or July... - Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such. - I am not allowed to sing 'we're off to see the wizard' on the way to the headmaster's office...I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group... Especially not with kazoos. - The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable". - Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other house is forbidden. - There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man"...Even if I do conjure him up. - Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow. - The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate... Especially in reference to Professor Umbridge. - I will not write "Wizzard" on my hat in sequins. - I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?" - I am not allowed to dress exactly like Snape and ask him to call me "mini me." - Snape does not want bleach, laundry detergent, or new underwear for his birthday or Christmas. - Murmuring “I see dead people… ” every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny. - Yelling “to infinity, and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom. - I am no longer allowed to sing my “own personal spy music” when I wander around the hallways. - I should not remark that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” when Snape gets angry. Ever. - If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell “MORPHIN’ TIME!” every time I change... I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either. - I must not shout "beam me up Scotty" before disapparating. - I will not give Hagrid pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals. Copy and paste if you're still waiting for your Hogwarts letter to arrive, the owl just just got lost |
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