Team Jacob HA HA HA
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Joined 07-08-10, id: 2438368, Profile Updated: 08-07-10
Author has written 1 story for Twilight.

Team Jacob!

See that poll up there? VOTE! PLEASE! Also, if you have any ideas for me to use as a future chapter for my story, PM me with it or tell me in a review! I'll probably use it!

So, About Me:

Location: USA!!! Not telling which state.

Name: My first name is Holly, that's all you need to know.

Age: Uh... between 12 and 20.

Gender: Female (No duh...I'm on team Jacob here!)

Sports: Volleyball, tennis

Books I like: Twilight (except when Edward is kissing Bella), Maximum Ride, Percy Jackson, Alex Rider (sometimes), Harry Potter.

Feel free to PM or email me randomly! I have one story up that I update...um, when I finish writing the chapter.

My Story:

Team Jacob Triumphs!

Rated K+ (any language there would happen to be is extremely mild and no "references" as of yet...)

A collection of oneshots, all ending in Jacob kicking sparkly vampire butt! It's supposed to be funny, and judging from the reviews I've been getting, it is hilarious. I'm really proud of it. And I love all my reviewers! As of now, I have twelve faves! I'm really happy about that!

The story is updated when I get around to writing the chapter, which has been about every four days. There are five chapters so far:

Chapter 1: Shattered! Jacob pushes Edward out of a tree. Edward...shatters?

Chapter 2: The Attack of the Chainsaw Edward and Bella have an extremely melodramatic breakup. Then Jacob swoops down from a tree with a chainsaw...

Chapter 3: Sporks Make Lousy Weapons Jacob tries to attack Edward with a slice of extra garlic pizza. Eddie defends himself with a plastic spork. Guess who wins?

Chapter 4: Epic Toothpicks Edward and Bella are on a date at McDonalds. Jacob takes a toothpick and stakes Edward...

Chapter 5: The Epic Explosive Wedding Cake I'm really proud of this chapter, inspired by Rachel Mategna. It takes place before and during Bella and Edward's wedding. The cake, however, holds a nasty little surprise...

Top 80 Most Annoying Things To Do In An Elevator

When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

Ask, "Did you feel that?"

Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

Swat at flies that don't exist.

Tell people that you can see their aura.

Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

Put police tape in front of the door before entering.

Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you.

Hold an auction.

Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.

Ask every passenger coming if you can borrow a tampon. Especially effective if victim is male. Even more effective if you yourself are male.

Throw a rave.

Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not fung shwei."

Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".

Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.

When you brush past someone, whisper "Was it good for you too?"

Lean over to another rider and whisper 'Noogie patrol coming!'"

Have a heated debate with yourself.

Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.

Drum on every available surface.

Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.

Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.

Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.

Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.

Propose to the other passengers.

Challenge people to duels.

Sell girl scout cookies.

Bring a large pile of ice. Build an igloo on the floor.

Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."

Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.

Stick your tongue out. Act like it's a cigarette, and ask someone for a lighter.

Pitch a tent on the floor, and "camp out" for the weekend.

Play "I've got your nose" with the other passengers.

Shout "Food fight!"

Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back.

Elevators were practically MADE for river dance!

Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"

Make sushi.

Press your nose against the other passengers, and say "You know, this is what the Eskimos used to do before having sex."

Shave.

Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved when it stops moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.

Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection.

Practice your kung fu.

Make race car noises when people get on and off.

Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?"

Fly a model airplane.

Do yoga.

Play the accordion

Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat.

Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit.

Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.

Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure."

Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word.

Sing really annoying songs at the top of your lungs.

Stand by a passenger and stare at them intently. Then turn your head and say, out of the blue, "If someone shaved your head, you would look like a british man." Especially effective if they are a woman.

Keep asking everyone really personal questions like "Are you a virgin?" "How big is your penis?" "Have you ever masturbated?" Etc.

Go through all of your cell phone ringtones and ask their opinions on each. More effective if you act very indecisive and have to go through all of them several times.

Everytime someone new comes into the elevator, say welcome in at least 17 languages

MR quotes

"South America. It'll be warm. They have llamas. You like llamas." -Max-MAX

"I feel like pudding, Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -Iggy-AE

"I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahs!" -Gazzy-STWAOES (I nearly died laughing at this part)

"Have you guys been playing in the toxic waste again? Been bitten by a radioactive spider? Struck by lightning? Drink a super-soldier serum?" -Fang-FW

"Your middle name is 'Charging Off.'" -Total-MAX.

White is the colour of little bunnies with pink noses.

White is the colour of fluffy clouds fluffing their way across the sky.

White is the colour of soft serve ice cream in a cone.

White is the colour of angels wings and Angel's wings.

White is the colour of brand new ankle socks fresh out of the bag.

White is the colour of crisp sheets in schmancy hotels

White is the colour of every last freaking gol-danged thing you see for endless miles and MILES if you happen to be in Antarctica trying to save the world, which now you aren't so sure you can do because you feel like if you see any more whiteness- Wonder Bread, someone's underwear, teeth, you will completely and totally lose your ever-lovin' mind and wind up pushing a grocery cart full of empty cans around New York City, muttering to yourself.-Maximum Ride

"Holy (insert swear word of your choice here.)"-Fang

"I look like prep school Barbie. Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just one of her friends." -Nudge

Jeb turned to her. "She's incorruptible." Bully for me. "At least by power." I said. "You haven't tried chocolate or cute shoes" ~Max and Jeb

“Now, let’s say they come and get us.” –Max
“And, like, the halls are full of zebras.”-Ig
“And suddenly tons of bubbles are everywhere.” -Gazzy
“And then everyone starts to eat beef jerky,” -Nudge
“Yeah. I’ll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent, so people are choking and gagging: and let’s throw beef jerky right into their eyes! Now, that’s a plan!” –Ig

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Everything I'm Looking For by NOT.ALL.BLONDS.R.DUM reviews
Harry asks Hermione to the Yule ball. Ron leaves her crying on the staircase. Harry's the one to comfort her. with a kiss in front of the entire school, strange things start 2 happen. Full summary inside. H/Hr R&R.ADOPTED BY ASimpleBeauty
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,212 - Reviews: 108 - Favs: 225 - Follows: 241 - Updated: 10/10/2011 - Published: 6/20/2009 - Harry P., Hermione G.
WWWT by Every1sBeta reviews
What's wrong with Twilight? These are just some of the few things I noticed about Twilight that are... questionable at best. No FLAMES... the title tells you what this story is about.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 10,218 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 9/24/2010 - Published: 6/24/2010 - Complete
My Weekend With Emmett by Vampiregirl1711 reviews
Why would they EVER leave me with YOU?" "Because I'm awesome." "AWESOME! YOU'RE THE REASON I LOOK LIKE THIS!" "Sorry..."
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,778 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 8/1/2010 - Published: 2/13/2010 - Bella, Emmett
Did it Ever Cross Your Mind? by i am veeery bored reviews
SongFic Did it Ever Cross your Mind by Vanessa Hudgens. After Fang so, obviously contains spoilers. Oneshot. Um...can't thiink of anything else to put here...
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 758 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/21/2010 - Max, Fang - Complete
Eclipse Parody by Annie Cullen xx reviews
With the movie due out in one month time, I thought I'd treat you to a Parody of it. Bella's euphemisms and Jacob crying over a pen?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,986 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 7/17/2010 - Published: 5/8/2010
Nudge & Twilight by Ohglorygenius reviews
Nudge reads twilight, and the following ensues. Bit of FAX, coz I know people like that stuff XD. R&R?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 13,653 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 7/7/2010 - Published: 3/19/2010 - Max, Nudge - Complete
Eddie is Brutally Staked By The MI6 by CyanideMangoOfMassDestruction reviews
Pretty much what the title says.
Crossover - Alex Rider & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 873 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/5/2010 - Edward
Saving A Life by musicloverx26 reviews
Alice has a vision.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 623 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/17/2010 - Published: 2/10/2010 - Alice, Bella
Turn It Off by 2000fordexplorer reviews
During an accidental kiss, Jacob imprints on Bella. Edward is crushed, but is there new love around the corner? B/J E/OC A/J Em/R C/E No Renesmee. Takes place in the begining of Eclipse, Victoria is still alive. Someone take it off my hands and finish it how they wish. I no longer have the time nor interest. copy/paste and make your own. Will be deleted in a few days.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,570 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 22 - Published: 11/7/2009 - Edward, Bree
Team Jacob Triumphs! reviews
A collection of rather short, funny oneshots, all ending in Jacob winning and Edward epically killed by chainsaw, garlic pizza, explosive wedding cake, etc. I'm aiming for 100 reviews!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 2,643 - Reviews: 106 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 8/15/2010 - Published: 7/11/2010 - Edward, Jacob - Complete