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![]() Author has written 1 story for Warriors. Salutations! (Sorry I just finished watching Charlottes Web.) This is my profile. No, I'm not the best writer, but I love to write! Anyway, Before you read my profile, which probably will not interest anyone at all, here is somethings about me. Favorite Book: Warriors Series Favorite Singer: Taylor Swift, duh. Or Adele. huh... Favorite Animal: Kangaroo Rats (Yeah, that was quite random.) Favorite Dog Breed: Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever (That isn't even the breed of dog I have I have, I just think they're pretty) Favorite Movie: Pocahontas (A Disney Classic can never be beaten) Hobbies: Playing Video Games, Typing on my Computer, Reading My Dog: Lab/?, Her name is Gemini, because she was born on May 7th Quick! write down 12 random cats from Warriors! 1. Firestar 2. Sandstorm 3. Leafpool 4. Greystripe 5. Longtail 6. Mistyfoot 7. Squrrielflight 8. Tigerclaw 9. Bramblestar 10. Bluestar 11. Ravenpaw 12. Tallstar 1) Have you ever read a six/eleven fanfic before? Ravenpaw and Mistyfoot? Nope. 2) Do you think four is hot? How hot? Greystripe? Um, on a scale of one to ten... six. 3) What would happen if twelve and eight started going out? Tigerclaw and Tallstar? (Besides the fact they're both toms...) I think Tallstar would realize pretty fast that he was breaking the warrior code and leave his sorry butt. 4) Do you recall any fics about nine? Bluestar? Yes, too many to say all of them. 5) Would two and six make a good couple? Sandstorm and Mistyfoot? (Besides the fact they're both she-cats...) I think Mistyfoot is too, I don't know, serious... 6) Five/Nine or five/ten? Longtail and Bramblestar or Longtail and Bluestar? Longtail and Bluestar. 7) What would happen if seven walked in on two and eight kissing? Squrrielflight: OMG, MOM WTF. Sandstorm and Tigerclaw: MUAH MUAH *KISS KISS* Squrrielflight: Mom, stop, right now. Sandstorm and Tigerclaw: *KISS KISS SMOOCH SMOOCH* Squrrielflight: OMG I'M TELLING DAD! *RUNS AWAY* 8) Make up a summary of a three/ten fanfic. When Bluestar suddenly appears at the clan, no cat believes it's her. But, Leafpool does. Bluestar is ran from the clan and Leafpool frantically follows her. After they leave the clan, Bluestar and Leafpool finds their destiny. (Hey, that was pretty good huh?) 9) Is there anything as one/eight fluff? Firestar and Tigerclaw? You know... 10) Suggest a title for a seven/twelve hurt/comfort fic? Comfort and Hurt... 11) Does anyone on your friends list read three? No... My friends don't read warriors X( 12) Does any Friendzone on your friends list draw or write eleven? No, as I said before no one reads warriors X( 13) Would anyone on your friends list write two/four/five? NO! 14) What might ten scream at a great moment of passion? Bluestar? "Great Starclan!" Omg I don't know. 15) If you wrote a songfic about eight, what song would you use? Forget you. 16) If you wrote a one/six/twelve fic, what would the warning be? Their is going to a light convo so if you don't like that don't read it... 17) What would be a good pick up line for ten to use on two? Bluestar: Hey Sandstorm? Are you a one direction fan? Sandstorm: No... Bluestar: Because you light up my- Wait what? *Walks away annoyed* Sandstorm: I'm sorry try again! Bluestar: NO THE MOMENT IS RUINED YOU RUINED IT, GREAT JOB. PLEASE READ. I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her." I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'' "OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!'' "I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' "My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Repost this message. 2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart Warriors Fan Oath I'll remember Brightheart, When I see a scar on someone's face. I will think of WindClan, Every time I win a race. I'll remember Silverstream, When I see a young mother. I'll remember Violet, When I worry about my brother. I will remember Goosefeather, When nobody believes me. I will think of Scourge, When someone's teased for being tiny. I'll remember Mothwing, When I find it hard to believe. I'll be reminded of Princess, When I see someone, who seems naive. I'll always think of Heathertail, When someone wants to be 'just friends'. I will think of StarClan, When I am near the end. I will think of Tawnypelt, Whenever I feel judged. I will think of Darkstripe, When somebody holds a grudge. I promise to remember Cinderheart, When I climb a tree. I'll remember Midnight, Whenever I'm at sea. I'll remember Leafpool, When I must follow my heart. I will think of Hollyleaf, If I ever fall apart. I'll remember Brambleclaw, When I must prove myself. I'll remember Spottedleaf, When I'm suffering from bad health. I'll remember Lionblaze, When I am felling strong. I'll remember Tigerstar, If I choose the path that's wrong. I'll remember Dovewing, When I hear something far away. I'll remember Cloudtail, When a kitten catches their first prey. I'll remember Bluestar, Whenever I must choose. I'll remember Crowfeather, When the one I love, I lose. Feathertail will be on my mind, Whenever I must be brave. And I'll remember The Tribe, When I'm in a cave. I'll remember Ashfur, When somebody breaks my heart. I'll remember Barley, When me and my siblings are far apart. I'll remember Ivypool, When I try to be the best. I'll remember Firestar, When my loyalty's put to the test. I'll remember Crookedstar, If someone abandons me. I'll remember Ravenpaw, If I ever have to flee. I'll remember Jayfeather, When I have a strange dream. I'll think of Cherrytail and Sparrowpelt, Whenever I eat cream. I'll always think of Cinderpelt, When my leg is sore. I'll remember Longtail, When I can see no more. I'll remember the many battles, When I see conflict or strife. I promise to remember all these cats, For the rest of my life. Mary had a little Lamb, His fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, that Lamb was sure to go. He followed her to school each day, wasn't even in the rule. It made the children laugh and play, to have a Lamb at school. And then the rules all changed one day, illegal it became; To bring the Lamb of God to school, or even speak His name! Every day got worse and worse, and days turned into years. Instead of hearing children laugh, we heard gunshots and tears. What must we do to stop the crime that's in our schools today? Let's let the Lamb come back to school, and teach our kids to pray. AMEN TO THAT!!!!! 1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex. 2.Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, or yellow? 3. Your first initial? 4. Your month of birth? 5. Which color do you like more, black or white? 6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours. 7. Your favorite number? 8. Do you like California or Florida more? 9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more? 10. Write down a wish (a realistic one). Are you done? If so scroll down (don't cheat- -) THE ANSWERS 1. You are completly in love with this person 2. If you choose Red: You are alert and your life is full of love. Black: You are conservitive and agressive. Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. Blue: You are spontaneous and and love kisses and affection from the ones you love. Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down. 3. If your initial is: A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is is soon to blossom. S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good. 4. If you were born in: Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relashonship that will not last long but the memories will last forever. July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experiance a major life changing experiance for the good. Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soulmate. 5. If you choose... Black: Your life will take on in a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change. White: You will have a friend who completely confides with you and would do anything for you, but may not realize it. 6. This person is your best friend. 7. THis is how many close friends you will have in a lifetime. 8. If you choose California: You like adventure. Florida: You are a laidback person. 9. If you choose... Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved. Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people. 10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come before your next birthday ()_() This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. Hey, Here is a few of my OC's Sandflood A sandy- ginger she-cat with a short hair. She has pretty dark eyes. Shes nice, but foolish. She doesn't know how self-centered she is either. Mothflower A gray medicene cat with long hair. She has long legs and a bobtail. She is kind and understanding and is againest breaking the warrior code 100% She likes being the med cat, but would really love to have kits. Rabbitears A light brown tom with unusually long ears. Hes childish and playful, he hates to fight and argue and whimpers a lot. Moongaze A pure white she-cat with long fur. She has dark, gray eyes and a gray tip of her tail. She is flexible, good at swimming, and amazing at fighting. But, she is a complete clutz. 101 Fun Things To Do In Walmart 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 7. Leave cryptic messages on the computerse 8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. 9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles. 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens. 11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10″. 12. Play with the automatic doors. 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment. 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk, anyway?” 15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department. 16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.” 17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department. 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field. 19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!” 20. Put M&M’s on layaway. 21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas. 22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath. 23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles. 24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Bat cave!” 26. Run around as much of the store as possible. 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down. 29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?” 30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?” 31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. 32. Take bets on the battle described above. 33. Hold indoor shopping cart races. 34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.” 35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him “I need some tampons!!” 36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department. 37. Try on bras over top of your clothes. 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. 39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. 40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?” 41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store. 42. Two words: “Marco Polo.” 43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc. 44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics. 45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms 46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. 47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. 48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!” 49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. 50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. 51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible “sex and candy” 52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your head and walk around the store casually. 53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins. 54. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics. 55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!” 56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!) 58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible. 59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the rest room. 60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone’s jaws drop when you attempt to buy them. 61. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels. 62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “the fat man walks alone,” and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them 63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling.” Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions. 64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out. 65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good bessie.” 66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles. 67. Ask other customers if they would like to join in your tag game. 68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. “hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign? (giggle).” When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. “hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign? (giggle).” 69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don’t realize it! 70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front of your nose and saying “Oh god, your over powering the perfume!!” 71. Hit on the elderly. 72. Hit on 5 year olds. 73. In the food aisle, pretend like there’s a little bug, slowly move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left as if you’re trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like crazy. Then finally yell out “Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was the biggest Cockroach I’ve ever seen, I think it was pregnant!!! Hey look, there’s another one!!!” Then Repeat. 74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray. 75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that you’re a cat. Meow when people walk by rub up against their legs, etc. 76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that you’re a prissy English Man. Say things like “Cheerio, good man” to people who walk by. And don’t forget to have perfect posture. 77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don’t know you. 78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying. 79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and “accidentally” hit the people instead of your friend. 80. Excessively use anything thing that says “Try Me”. 81. Start pocketing any and all free samples. 82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins. 82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say “Hello, how may I help you?” say “Yes, I’ll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of French fries and a diet coke.” And when they start to talk, say “Oh, to go”. Then when they say that they can’t give it to you say “Oh, This is because I’m gay isn’t it? I’d expect this from Caldors, but not Walmart/Kmart. People who are gay are just like everyone else your know. You disgust me” Then walk away mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl- like as you can. 83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too. 84. When you’re alone, have loud conversations with your “multiple personalities”. Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. 85. Start “dancing” like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like you’re having some kind of massive seizure. 86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store. 87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if you’re suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn’t go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see whose watching and run away as fast as your can. 88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song. 89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department 90. Put lingerie in the men’s department. 91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn around. 92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that someone is trying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over, start crying and saying “All I ever wanted was a little attention” Then run away crying. 93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink every time it blinks. Don’t look away, just stay mesmerized. 94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say “Help me. The voices in my head are telling me to do naughty things.” Then clap your hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming “NO!!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO NO NO NO!!!!” Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the eyes, and Calmly say “I…will start…a fire…” The pull out a zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don’t light the zippo, just hold it closed. 95. Light a match under a sprinkler. 96. Walk up to someone and say “Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun”. Then walk away. 97. Walk up to a guy and say “Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!!!” Then kiss him. Then slap and him say “Why didn’t you ever call me??” Then walk away. Much more affective if you’re a guy. 98. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that you’re a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. “Finally, my shift is done. I really don’t get paid enough to do this” 99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone. 100. Act like your about to cry and ask people “Have you seen my mommy?” 101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless. 90 FUN THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR!
16 Fun Thins to do at the Movies 1. Wear a top hat. 50 FUN THINGS TO DO IN COMPUTER LAB 1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt. 2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. 3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the instructor on duty that you can’t get the damn thing to work. After he/she’s turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour. 4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly. 5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it’s set up with. 6. Write a program that plays the “Smurfs” theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again. 7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk. 8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files. 9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don’t know. 10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on. 11. Bring a chainsaw, but don’t use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say “Just in case…” mysteriously. 12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing. 13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they’re crazy while typing. 14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting. 15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, “Oops, I forgot.” 16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray “Oh please oh please oh please oh please,” and scream “YES!” when it finishes. 17. “DISK FIGHT!!!” 18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends). 19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw. 20. If you’re sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” whenever there is processing time required. 21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless. 22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it doesn’t work, get the supervisor. 23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudlywhere the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those. 24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line. 25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you. 26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you. Grinds some more. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, 27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor’s keyboard as you leave. 28. Put a large, gold framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you. 29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic 30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions. 31. Laugh hysterically, shout “You will all perish in flames!!!” and continue working. 32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking. 33. Assign a musical note to every key (i.e.. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way. 34. Attempt to eat your computer’s mouse. 35. Borrow someone else’s keyboard by reaching over, saying “Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?”, unplugging the keyboard & taking it. 36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun. 37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best. 38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab. 39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn’t affected). Then look at your neighbor’s keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: “Does *your* delete key work?” Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you’ve deleted about a page of your neighbor’s document. Then, suddenly exclaim: “Well, whaddya know? I’ve been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn’t deleting! Ha!” Print out your document and leave. 40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab instructor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.) 41. Stare at the person’s next to your screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say “You did that?” loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go. 42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell “COVEEEEERRRRRR!” peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. “Oh, good. It worked this time,” and calmly start to type again. 43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them. 44. See who’s online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you’ve known them all your lives. Hang-up before they get a chance to figure out you’re a total stranger. 45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it’s the computer and look really lost. 46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn’t work. 47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim “You’re such a marvel!!”, and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out. 48. Run into the computer lab, shout “Armageddon is here!!!!!”, then calmly sit down and begin to type. 49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, “Give me that computer or you’ll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week”. 50. Two words: Tesla Coil. 45 FUN THINGS TO DO ON AN ESSAY 1. Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts. 2. Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual. 3. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor’s door. 4. Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada. 5. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn’t. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas. 6. Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style. 7. End the paper with “This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds”. 8. Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it. 9. If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can’t do the paper because you’re not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious. If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the paper actually exists. 10. If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right? 11. Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn’t retrieve the original. 12. Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography. 13. Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor’s desk. 14. The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that you can’t turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military information and is only available on a “need to know” basis. Insist that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an ‘A’. 15. Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you were trying to get the feel for the period. 16. Turn in a letter you wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper mixed up. Say that you’ll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back, but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while. (This is a nifty way to get an extension.) 17. When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices. 18. Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won’t see you until the next full moon. 19. Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on the way to class, you dropped it in the street and it got run over by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road. 20. Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the professor, act like it’s nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include footnotes. 21. Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the Gods to bless the paper and correct all your typos. 22. Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera-style, and hand that in. 23. Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that might cause a person to prefer anchovies. 24. Hand your paper in a sealed envelope with postmarks from several different countries on it. Say that you wanted several different perspectives on your work. 25. TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee. 26. Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such an emotional one for you, and that mere words couldn’t possibly express what you had to say. 27. Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the other is King Lear. Say that Worf is Ophelia. 28. Carve your paper on the bathroom wall. 29. Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments. 30. Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the words of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the time. 31. Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it’s only a few pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading. 32. Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows on the way to class. 33. Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had. 34. Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is “less filling” or that it “tastes great”. Also explain why Aristotle would have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both philosophers’ reactions to Spuds McKensie. 35. Draw pictures of your professor in the margins. 36. Make your paper one long, never-ending sentence that goes on for pages and pages and pages; use a lot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example), an interesting one: the colon] but never ever end the sentence {_-\/??!]}. 37. Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the picture as a resource. 38. On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and screaming, “I have a paper! I have a paper!” Run around the class a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell, “There’s my paper!”, then run outside to get it. Repeat this all through the period, or until the professor throws you out. 39. Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it. 40. Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman empire collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists. 41. Refer to all prominent historical figures by nicknames. For example, call George Washington “Georgie”. Call Ben Franklin “Sparky”. 42. Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w’s whenevew you weawwy want to type r’s ow l’s. 43. Ol, switch alound arr the l’s and r’s in youl papel, rike Monty Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild. 44. When your professor asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in. 45. Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in a bar so that you could see “sociology in action”. 25 WAYS TO DRIVE YOUR ROOM MATES CRAZY 1. Every time you wake up, start yelling, “Oh, my God! Where the hell am I?!” and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don’t know what he/she is talking about. 2. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, “I can’t live in the same room with you,” storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again. 3. Buy a Jack-in-the-box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes. 4. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, “Okay, your turn.” 5. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, “Oh, he’s around here somewhere.” 6. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan. 7. Punch a hole in the TV Set and watch it anyway, complaining about the poor picture quality. 8. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate’s potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate’s potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, “He just didn’t belong.” 9. Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as your normally would. 10. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern. 11. When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, “That was your mom. She said she’d call back.” 12. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then, look up and say, “I think this game goes a lot faster with two players.” 13. Talk back to your “Rice Krispies.” All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, “No, I want to watch them suffer”. 14. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Play loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, “Well, it was fun while it lasted.” 15. Unplug everything in the room except for one toaster. Pray to the toaster. Bring it gifts. Throw some of your roommate’s possessions out the window. Say that the toaster made you do it. 16. Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complain that your feet hurt. 17. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of new light bulbs. 18. Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Take notes. Write a paper on it, and circulate it around campus. If Your roommate protests, say, “The people have a right to know!” 19. Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find one that looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain, “It had to be done.” 20. Read the phone book out loud and excitedly. (“Frank Johnson! Oh, wow! 837-9494! Holy cow!) 21. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say nasty things about your roommate at the funeral. 22. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she protests, tell him/her that it’s all for charity. 23. Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you’d like to have a conversation. 24. Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your roommate walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the plants. Whisper to them, “We’ll continue this later,” while eyeing your roommate suspiciously. 25. Keep some worms in a shoebox. When doing homework, go and consult with the worms every so often. Then become angry, shouting at the worms that they’re stupid and they don’t know what they’re talking about. |
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