![]() Author has written 6 stories for Naruto, One Piece, Lucifer and Biscuit Hammer/惑星のさみだれ, and Harry Potter. Well, my heart's beating, and my lungs are breathing, so I guess that means I'm alive. Hi. I'm one of those people with a crappy self-referential name. But yeah, to answer the question that wasn't on anybody's mind, any song I hear, I can play back in my mind with perfect fidelity. That does not include vocal partsw, only melodies. Hence the name. Anyway, I'm on this site because I have a few ideas that seemed to me to be to good to be condemned to the graveyards of oblivion. Project Listing The First Flame - Naruto Regarding what I want to accomplish with this story, I want to write an AU that: Is superficially faithful to canon up to VoTE, explains why ninja can screw with spacetime while lacking basic infrastructure, why the hell the Sharingan is so damn broken, why the Jyuubi's eye looks like a giant three-ringed Sharingan, develops characters well, doesn't make the female characters useless, has a kickass Danzou and Madara, ejects the fanon bullshit about Konoha's Council(Konoha is a military dictatorship you idiots), kicks ass, takes names, and ends in an... what, you expected me to give that away? No. But, if you think it sounds like it might be THE MOST EXCELLENT FANFICTION EVER WRITTEN: Read this story, fave it, review it, and hold on, because it is going to be one hell of a ride. Currently looking for an excellent beta. Devil Fruits: A Report - One Piece Currently working on reports 2&3, but my muse has fled for the time being. FILE - Hoshi no Samidare Currently working on novella-length prologue. I've completed most of the end, but only parts of everything before that. Upcoming Harry Potter and the Balanced Mind - Obvious Gryffindor, fear of oneself, what one could be capable of. PEERLESS - Fairy Tale No Info. Tips on Writing On Dialogue Here's a real simple rule of thumb. Write dialogue like someone would talk, but emphasize clarity (ie, "I don't understand." as opposed to "I'm not sure I know the idea you're talking about?" And yeah, the second quote is taken from the real world. Some people talk like that.). Try reading your dialogue aloud if you're unsure. If it sounds unnatural, refactor it. On "Bashing" Don't do it. If you hate a character, minimize their role, or alternatively, make them slowly become monsters of the very worst sort. In a way that makes sense. Bashing might get you an amused smirk from some of your readers, but it is not ever conducive to writing a story to turn a character into a caricature. On Action Scenes Intersperse the doing with the characters reacting to the doing. Namely, even if you have really, really nice descriptive imagery of the-blow-by-blow, a battle will burn down to this in the reader's eyes. I punched him. Because really, it doesn't matter if you describe the attacks in the most purple way possible, that's all you're really saying, and that's all they're really reading. Compare. Type-Boring: No reactions. I punched my foe, but he held his ground, absorbing it and countering with a punch of his own. I tried to dodge, but I couldn't make it, and a rib cracked. My nemesis tried to follow up with an axe kick, but I managed to flow around it, and I was able to land a fireball into his face as he was off balance. Type-Entertaining: Plenty of them. I punched my foe, and he grimaced, but held his ground, absorbing it and countering with a punch of his own. I tried to dodge, but I couldn't make it, and pain shot through my chest as a rib cracked. I grit my teeth, but no-- I wouldn't let a splintered rib stop me. Not after coming this far! My nemesis tried to follow up with an axe kick, but I managed to flow around it, and gathering a little of my will I was able to land a fireball into his face as he was off balance. He screamed out in pain as the left side of his face melted under the heat, and I allowed myself a moment of grim triumph... Of course, Type-Entertaining isn't very entertaining as I put no thought into it whatsoever, but we can both agree that it's superior to Type-Boring, yeah? Generally speaking, a fight scene is never about the moment-to-moment so much as the clash of wills between characters. Now, an anticipated objection: "Why do so many films have minutes long fight scenes with no dialogue?" Answer: BECAUSE THAT IS A DIFFERENT MEDIUM. The motion of the human body in the real world has it's own poetry, and in visual mediums, that can be used, because only a blind person is incapable of seeing it. By comparison, unless the reader is trained (Note: What I mean here is not only physically trained. Someone who has taught themselves to recognize the various strikes, blocks, stances, and other elements of an art is also trained in this usage.) in the martial arts, a lot of technical descriptive text will be useless for them. 'I assumed a Horse Stance.' For example. It might be something the reader can interpret if they know something about specific Asian martial arts. But wait, what if the user is trained in fencing, but nothing else? Actually, I don't have a clue if fencing has a horse stance, or if it does, if that stance corresponds to the eastern martial arts' Horse Stance, and that is the point. In visual media when someone assumes a horse stance, they just do it, and anyone can see exactly what they've done. The written word does not work like that in good writing. You can, of course write something like, 'I moved my feet outwards until each were parallel on the horizontal axis, in line with my body, and separated by about one and a half shoulder widths. The effect was to marginally increase my stability. This is called the horse stance.' You can write something like that... But if you're in the middle of an action-packed fight scene, what do you think that will do to you pace and flow? On Morality While morality is a flexible thing with different characters, as a rule of thumb, you should never have your protagonist be capable of brutality without emotional reaction after the fact or true provocation before it. (Caveat: Stories told from a villain's perspective, et al. Most fanfiction is not exceptional enough to qualify for the "et al".) It will obliterate in an instant the sympathy you're readers have for your character, unless your readers are as amoral as your protagonist... Which may or may not bother you, but really, I don't want to write for the school shooter demographic, accidentally or otherwise. Do you? Anyway, because you as the writer are on the "side" of your protagonist, it might be a little hard to tell when you crossed the line. As a rule of thumb, if there's a random antagonist of no real importance present, and your character kills them in the most gory way possible in front of a crowd of first graders, that's a pretty good sign you've crossed the line. Remember, though, "of no real importance". What I mean by that is that the antagonist is more or less just standing there, maybe doing nothing, maybe ranting about evil, etc. If they're holding a gun to one of the first grader's heads, slowly pulling the trigger? That there's called justification. You should still try to keep the violence from being unnecessarily gratuitous, but you can have your hero murder(kill, eliminate, pick a synonym that makes you comfortable, but never forget that it is murder) the antagonist without loosing audience sympathy. On Exposition Do it naturally, and do as little of it as possible. What I mean by naturally is not "during conversations, when it is needed" but, "when it has an excuse to appear". For example, if Harry is sitting in History of Magic, and if your story has an important plot point about goblin rebellions, say, a goblin-controlled magical city that will be pivotal in your plot... "In the one thousand three hundred and thirty first Year of the Lord, the Goblin Overking Bloodfang rose up and took the magical city of Somdamton, which was never reclaimed..." Harry tuned out the professor's rambling lecture, and turned to Ron/Hermione/Someone. Bam. You've just introduced your magical city, and established the fact that it is under goblin control. You also made it look as if you weren't shoving important information into your reader's brain. Instead you used a character, and demonstrated them in character to make your main character talk to another character... And also gave them plot critical information when they didn't realize it was being given. Was that necessary? Absolutely not. But, and this is a big but, I think a lack of this type of exposition is the reason why FFNET holds so little truly original content in the most-read stories. I mean, think about it: You're a writer and you've thought up an AU that you (admittedly biasedly) think is the best goddamn thing since sliced bread. Then you write your first couple of chapters, basically shoving most of the "need to know" things into those couple of chapters, after which the plot doth begin to moveth. After which you're story goes unnoticed because your readers came here for a Harry Potter story, not a history of Troll Empires on the planet of Alternia. Do you want even more circumstantial evidence of how bad an idea this is? Why don't you go read the first chapters of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone? Or any other popular work, really. Now, compare everything you know about the world of whatever you just read, to what you've just read in the first chapters. It's surprisingly little, no? That's because these popular writers know that, no matter how great your setting is, you can't shove it down a reader's throat or they will choke to death and die(ie, put down the book and not buy it). Now, authors of Fan Fiction, by necessity, write for free. Reviews are the sole motivating factor. Or a desire to tell the story that transcends all logic. I'm a member of the latter group, but how common are we, really? ...and before someone accuses me of trying to be elitist, you know another writer that belongs to this illustrious group? Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Ravenway. If that name doesn't ring a bell for you, google "My Immortal fic archive" and brace for a sort of horrified, disgusted, fascination. Moving on. How many readers abandon a story written by someone who uses blunt exposition? Oh wait, that's probably unanswerable. Let me rephrase that. Why are stories that despite huge changes(to characters, to circumstances, to anything) follow canon events closely with no respect for the butterfly effect whatsoever, so common? On Spelling All right, you're probably ready to skip right over this beacuase you think you've got it in the bag. You might be right, but wait, please, because what I'm going to talk about here is not something stupid in the vein of HERP DERP YUSE SPALLCHOCK. What I'm talking about is a more sensitive issue. You can't assume you know a word, because that leads to facepalm-worthy stupidity that you won't even be able to catch. English is not an intuitively simple language. All right. Are you not skipping? Excellent. There's a word pronounced "more-ail". Say that fast. Now you know exactly which word I'm talking about, correct? How do you think that word is spelled? Moral? Morail? Morale? If you chose the final option, good job. If not, you were part of a rather large minority that had that problem. You see, there are some words that are common in spoken laguage, but rare in written language. And because the sound-to-text pattern of english is horribly inconsistent, this can happen. Look up a word you've only heard spoken but never read, lest you misspell faux pas as foe pa. God knows I have experience with the inverse of this problem. Weird Fanon Shit 1. Naruto - Naruto's Henge no Jutsu is Unique. For some reason, in a world where space is malleable and immortals stride the ground in company of demons split from a beast whose body is imprisoned upon an artificial moon, the idea that people can change their mass at will seems insane unless they have a demon that violates the second law of thermodynamics in their gut. Please reread that sentence. Slowly. 2. Harry Potter - Sattelites Can Detect Wizard Stuff! AEROPLANES. 3. Harry Potter - Aeroplanes Can Detect Wizard Stuff! 1903. Specifically, if wizards haven't figured out aerial photography after eighty-something years, then they are sub-morons. And while they are closeted, I doubt that a group so obsessed with secrecy wouldn't figure out where their security was broken. 4. Naruto - NaruHina - [ONLY APPLIES IN CANONLIKE STORIES] It's like deciding to date your stalker. Do note that this does not apply to Naruto/Hinata romance written in stories that heavily diverge from canon where one of the divergences is the negation of Hinata's stalker tendencies, either by a plot-enforced direct meeting or alternative character development paths. 5. Harry Potter - The Dursleys are Nazis, The Potters are Jews, Voldemort is America, Murder is Moral, This Metaphor No Longer Makes Any Sense. I'm not saying they aren't abusive, but it's way too damn common for that abuse to cross over into over the top beatings and from there into what can best be described as outlandish-- because when Vernon repeatedly shoots Harry with his shotgun and Harry manages to get up a few hours later... Well. Anyone who knows the kind of horrific damage a shotgun actually inflicts-- which is to say anyone who has seen a shotgun used outside of a game-- will understand the Harry is apparently the reincarnation of wolverine. Or something equally stupid. Anyway, to complete the chain of stupidity, Voldemort inevitably shows up or is sought out, and then either harry becomes a serial killer or we venture into the hitherto unknown-- and they should have REMAINED unknown-- territories of geriatic paedophillic love between a boy and a snakeman and oh god Freud shut up I do not want to know. 6. Naruto - Konoha Civilian/Ninja/Both Council It doesn't exist in canon. There are not even hints of it in canon. The only reason that I can think of for this bit of idiocy's existence is that the author wanted a strawman they could attack or use to initiate the conflict with minimum effort. Of course, stories where the council aren't a pile of raving insane illogical shortsighted sub-moronic fucktards exist, but they are damn rare. And now for something completely different. I am the philosopher-king. To Know is my purpose, I call myself by no name, Searching for a single truth, For Contradiction is my nature, And for every path not taken, The truth is horror and madness, |
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