3mily on a sugar high
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Joined 03-05-09, id: 1856704, Profile Updated: 05-01-10
Author has written 10 stories for Twilight, Chronicles of Narnia, Supernatural, Inheritance Cycle, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and Misc. Books.

your visiting my profile...lets celebrate!

So do you like my stories, if you do I am greatly pleased but if you dont its alright. Some people have different tastes to thers.

About me:Im an average person, check, go to school, check, i AM REPEATING MYSELF, check.

I like the colours purple, green and yellow, have two pet dogs and are a great reader, I love books! I am a BIG book fan and looooooove reading. My fav books are the twilight saga and that leaves my fav character to be Jasper and Alice. and Emmett.I also like the new tv series 'merlin' but when reading merlin stories on fanfiction i discovered that it is mainly stories of merlin and arthur being gay and sharing kisses. Seriously, i dont see that in the characters and i find it a little weird, most of the stories on those two characters are gay ones. I also enjoy watching supernatural with my favourite characters being Castiel and sam, Dean is still too cocky for my liking and after screwing an angel(anna) I still dont like him.

Many ideas for my stories come from real, they are cut down to fiction and are used for plots and other ideas in the stories.

If you dont like racism, read this:

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up.

He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism

A stranger stabs you in the front

A friend stabs you in the back

A boyfriend stabs your heart

Best Friends only poke each other with straws

Take Time To Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line

~Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.~

~My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.~

~When they put "unknown" at the end of a quote, it's probably because they don't know how to spell "anonymous"~

~Don't get high on Life; cereal hurts when you put it up your nose.~

~I'm not a vegetarian because i love animals; i'm a vegetarian becaus i hate plants~

~Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge.~

~Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?~

~A tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him!~

~If swimming is so good for your figure, then explain whales!~

~There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.~

~Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.~

~Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?!~

~Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.~

~I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. -- George Bush~

~"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush~

~Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?~

~Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.~ (so THAT explains it...)

~The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.~

When it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip n' slide.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile.

If you talk back to the TV (or the computer, or a book), copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been the only one to think some really stupid joke was funny, copy this into your profile.

I don't know whats wierder. the fact that your fighting a stuffed animal, or the fact that he seems to be winning.

TGWF: Thank God We're Female

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Boy, I didn't fall for you, you tripped me!

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

I DON'T SUFFER FROM INSANITY, I ENJOY EVERY FREAKIN MINUTE OF IT!

If you think normal people are boring, copy and paste this on your profile.

You don't need a reason to be happy, you only need a reason to be sad.

Kids Are Quick
_

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
_

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
_

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
_

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
_

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
_

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
_

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
_

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
_

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
_

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES
Say the words out loud.
1) That's not right... ...Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive? ...Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP... ...Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man... ... Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse... ...Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the Beach?...Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table...Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift...Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here...Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet...Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone...,No Pah King
12) Our meeting is next week...Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight...Le i Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile...Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive...Yu Stin Ki Pu

Funny sayings, Funny Words of Wisdom

1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

3. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

4. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

6. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

7. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

8. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

9. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

10. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

11. My Reality Check bounced.

12. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

13. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

14. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

15. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

16. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

17. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.

18. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

19. If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you.

20. If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good

21. The family that sticks together should bathe more often.

22. The fridge light DOES go out. Now let me out of here!!

23. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

24. I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

25. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

26. Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely

list of stuff

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright

until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something

right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be

stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the

fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those

who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he

will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12

people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

fRIENDSHIP

1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry @#&!!

2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

7. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.

This is my oath. I pledge it until the end. "Why?" you may ask. Because you are my friend. Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can truly feel its warmth.

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap!

quotes:

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

42.7 of all statistics are made on the spot.

If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you
don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls

Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

The past is just the future with the lights on.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

"Secret Admirers" are just stalkers with stationary.

Sarcasm is your mind's natural defense against stupidity.

Death is God's way of saying "You're fired."
Suicide is our way of saying "You can't fire me! I quit!"

If you know me, chances are, you hate me.

Sticks and Stones can break my bones,
But words can hurt my inner child.

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

"The one over there who looks like he's in pain, thats Jasper."

"Omigod, Edward Cullen is totally staring a you."

"He looks at you like youre something to eat."

" 'is she even italian?' 'her name's Bella."

Thank you, Tonto.

'Um, Angel, can Total talk?' I asked. 'yes. dont tell him, but he's not that interesting.'

I'm in trouble, im not troubled.

I don't know whats wierder. the fact that your fighting a stuffed animal, or the fact that he seems to be winning.

witness the hotness of Edward Cullen!! Bow down before it!!

I hate six-word memoirs. See? I cant even turn that into six words! Or that!

Tell Suzie she is a lucky cat.

Lead me not into temptation...I can find it myself.

It's just that...it's just...I was saving that bacon...

I've got your back if you've got my hand, this isn't over it just began.

Childbirth is like being shot, stabbed, and run over, and all they tell you to do is breathe differently.

Oh this? We send it to people we don't like...out of idol curiosity, what's your E-mail address?

All memories are lost in time, like tears in rain.

"Hey, could you send someone up here to light my fire? IMEAN...SHOOT..Uh...IGOTTTAGOBYE!"

There are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.

"Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Me!" I yelled. Mrs. frowned at me, because we're not supposed to go ooh ooh me me me.

You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain.

Men are the only living creatures who can think of absolutely nothing and still breathe.

The world is quiet here...

I didn't know what to bring to the science fair, so I brought a cup of dirt hoping she would just realize I'm an idiot and walk on by...

For my first trick, I will run 20 ft and pick this tennis ball up with just my mouth! Then, I will go back to this very position, but first I'll meander about like I've forgotten what I'm doing. But I will eventually end up in this general area...and drop the ball to the floor!

Children are like pancakes, the first few you throw away.

No life goes forever, the dead men rise up never, even the weariest river, winds somewhere safe at sea.

Worry is like a rocking-chair; it gives you something to do, but it doesn't go anywhere.

Question: if a tree fell in a forest, and no one was around to hear it, and it landed on a mime...would anyone care?

75 percent of Americans are either obese, asthmatic, or diabetic. Any other country could conquer us with fast runners and a bag of Skittles.

Heroes aren't braver than anyone else, they're just braver for 5 minutes longer

If you were thinking "Holy shit, holy shit, a swordfish almost went through my head," then yes, we are thinking the same thing...

Look! An angel!...wait, he's still breathing. Don't worry, he'll be an angel soon..

And he looked over at me and asked, "Why so serious? Why so SERIOUS?!"

Everything in this room is eatable. Even I am eatable. But that, my dear children, is cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

History doesn't repeat it's self, it just yells "Didn't you hear what I just said?" and lets the hammer fly...

Cats are smarter than dogs. You couldn't get nine cats to pull a sled.

If we didn't have war, we would have heroes.

You can't spell 'funeral' without 'fun', nor 'manslaughter' without 'laughter'.

Some men do it for money or power, but some men are evil just to watch the world burn.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Cats were once worshiped as Gods by the Egyptians. They have not forgotten this.

I thought I thought but the thought i thought wasn't the thought i thought i thought...

To say of what is that it is not, or of what is not that it is, is false, while to say of what is that it is, and of what is not that it is not, is true.Aristotle

When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.

I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.

"You know it's a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor."

"I'm the master of low expectations."

"Nothingness is made of... nothing. It cannot be moved, right? Nothing can move through, over or under it, either, because of its nature--nothingness is nothingness on all levels. So, nothingness is nothing, and it can't be moved, nor can anything move through it, by definition. So, would something bump into nothingness? That's doubtful, since there's nothing to obstruct it--would it pass into nothingness, and simply disappear? The laws of physics say that this isn't possible--so this can't be right."

if u understand say u understand if u dont understand say u dont understand but if u do understand and u say u dont understand how do i understand that u understand,understand?

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.

A girl died in 1933.A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive.The murderer chanted , Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. Lucillia

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (Alot meaning all the time...)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (ie 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (ie 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of these descriptions)

And there you have it. My hackin' awesome profile. Peace out!!

Ten things to see before you die

1. A vegetarian being eaten by an animal.

2. An emo kid talking about happy bunnies.

3. Homer Simpson saying something intelligent.

4. Taxes disappearring.

5. Voldemort destroying one of his Horcruxes.

6. Michael Jackson being stalked by children.

7. Children taking over class and teaching teachers in kid subjects, such as: armpit farts, skate-boarding, real music, etc.

8. Wrestling people forgetting their moves.

9. The coyote catching the road runner.

10. The reaction of the (general) teen population if Abercrombie was closed and it was illegal to wear their clothing.

150 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

1. I will not poke Hufflepuff’s with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colours indicate that they are “covered in bees”.
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class
3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not “an extra credit project for Herbology”.
4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.
5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch’s office is not appropriate.
6. I will not go to class skyclad.
7
. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
8. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write “I told you I was hardcore”.
9. I will stop referring to showering as “giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful”.
10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.
11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm.
12. House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
13. Staring a betting pool on the fate of this years DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

14. I will not start every potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
15. “Liften Separatis Crotchum” is not a real spell.
16. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.

18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as “bookends”.
19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as “bookends”.
20. I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
21. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts.
23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.
24. I will not place anything by Silver Ravenwolf on the library shelves.
25. Tricking the school house elf into stripping does not mean they are now mine even if I yell “Owned!”
26. I am not a sloth Animagus.
27. I am not a tribble Aimagus.
28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or a piranha.

29. I do not weigh the same as a duck.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
31. I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

32. I will not lick Trevor.
33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.
34. The Ravenclaws are not “Mentals in training”.

35. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazghul is coincidental.
36. I will not change the password to the prefect’s bath to “Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty”.
37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.
38. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as “Admiral Naismith”.
39. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” is only funny the first time.
40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.
41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.
42. “42″ is not the answer to every question to the O.W.L.’s.

43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.
44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.

45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.
46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make “Love Potion Number Nine”.
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not teach the first-years to sing “A Wizard’s Staff Has A Knob On The End”.
49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.
50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

51. I will not go to meals dressed as Choda Boy.
52. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp.
53. I will not draw an “H” on Percy Weasley’s forehead.

54. My name is not Captain Subtext.
55. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients and I will not resell their products as “Veela Pheremones”.
56. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as a “Big Black Sex Auror”.
57. I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion.
58. Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda.
59. I am not the Defence Against the Boring Classes Professor.
60. I am no longer allowed to use the words “pimp cane” in front of Draco Malfoy.
61. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I
should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the
result would be.

62. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labelled “Firewhiskey”.
63. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not
permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes.
64. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
65. A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.

66. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape’s personal postbox.
67. I will stop referring to Hufflepuff’s as “cannon fodder”.

68. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
69. First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.
70. Novelty or holiday themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.
71. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot.
72. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I
will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can be only ONE!”.
73. I should not refer to DADA professors as “canaries in the coal mine”.
74. I will not say the phrase “Dude, get a life.” to Lord Voldemort.
75. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.
76. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth house at Hogwarts.
And I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

77. I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The Force”.
78. Albus Dumbledore’s proper title is “Headmaster”, not “My Liege”.
79. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death.
80. I will not use Slytherin first years as Christmas decorations.

81. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
82. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling “It Does
DEATH!!” may be correct but it is not the manner in which one should
answer.
83. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.
84. I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.
85. Ravenclaw’s do not find a sign saying “The library is closed for and indefinite time period” amusing in any sense.
86. I will not attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class.
87. A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars.
88. I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.

89. I will not charm Hermione’s time turner to rotate every half-hour.
90. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
91. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are “Auror Training Videos”.
92. When being interrogated by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my
hand and announce “These are not the droids you are looking for”.
93. I am not a member of the Spanish Inquisition.
94. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.
95. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

96. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what
happens.

97. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts: A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
98. “OMGWTF” is not a spell.
99. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
100. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
101. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.
102. I will not cast the occasional Obliviate spell on Dumbledore, even if it would be amusing.
103. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixie Stix.
104. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive.
105. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals.
106. I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
107. I will not sing The Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.
108. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
109. I will not douse Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak with lemon juice to
see if he will become visible wearing it and standing near the fire in
the common room.
110. I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell.
111. I will not yell “Believe it… or not!” after any of Dumbledore’s speeches.
112. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit.

113. My name is not “The Dark Lord Happy-Pants” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
114. There is no such thing as the Chamber of Double Secret Probation.
115. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps.
116. I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.
117. Voldemort is not Ganandorf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.
118. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy exams.
119. I will not charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of “Knights of the Round Table” for the Christmas feast.
120. I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.
121. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sound with my wand.
122. “Draco Malfoy Takes it Up The Arse” is not an acceptable Quidditch chant.
123. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

124. I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! shirt to school.
125. I am not allowed to re-enact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor.
126. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug A Slytherin Day.

127. I am not allowed to introduce myself to the first years as Tim the Enchanter.
128. I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance into any classroom.
129. I will not try and start Naked Thursdays in the Common Room.
130. It is not necessary for me to yell “BAMF!” every time I Apparate.
131. I will not steal Gryffindor’s sword from Dumbledore’s office and use it to patrol the hallways.

132. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
133. I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”.
134. I will not teach the first years to play “The Penis Game” in the Great Hall during dinner.
135. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue.
136. I will not organize a Hogwarts Fight Club.
137. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

138. I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
139. I will not dress up in a Dementor suit and use a Dustbuster on Harry’s lips to get him to do what I want.
140. I will not start food fights in the Great Hall.
141. I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
142. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an appropriate career choice.
143. I will not sing “We’re off to see the wizard” when sent to the Headmaster’s office.
144. The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.
145. It is not necessary to yell “Burn!” everytime Snape takes points from Gryffindor.
146. “Y’all check this-here shit out!” is not an appropriate way to announce
that you are about to perform an experimental spell.
147. I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout “I have the power!”
148. I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
149. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights Who Say Ni have challenged
him to a duel and then have students yell “Ni” from various directions.

150. Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do the Time Warp will not earn me any house points.

151. I will not teach the front doors to recognise Filch and not let him in.

152. I will not give Voldemort a toupee to hide his baldness.

153. I am not allowed to tell first years that there is a playground in the forbidden forest.

154. Giving Professor Snape a ton tongue toffee is unacceptable.

155. Singing ‘pop goes the weasel’ when Professor Dumbledore is giving a speech is not permitted.

156. I will not introduce Slytherins to ‘my pet dog Fluffy,’ no matter how tempting it is.

157. Shouting ‘How COULD you betray me like that?’ whenever Snape removes house points is forbidden.

158. I will not steal veritaserum from Snape’s store and add some to the teacher’s morning tea.

159. I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his ‘happy place’

160. I must not convince first years that the new password to Gryffindor tower is ‘Petrificus Totalus’ and must be said with their wands pointed at themselves.

161. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that my teacup says she’s lying.

162. I am not allowed to dress up like Neville’s grandmother when going to a Halloween party in Snape’s dungeon.

163. The forbidden forest is forbidden because it contains werewolves and acromantula, not because there is a secret cave with the answers to every test, and I should refrain from telling the first years that there is.

164. A bludger is not a bowling ball, and Professor Snape is not a bowling pin. I will not attempt to prove otherwise.

165. I will not tye-dye all of the owls.

166. I will not shave Mrs. Norris

167. The house elves are not there to do my homework

168. There is no bring a muggle to school day

169. I must stop telling 1st years about the time the Hogwarts Christmas tree ate a student

170. I must not throw Mrs Norris out windows

171. Telling Draco Malfoy to 'Make like a ferret and bounce' is always a bad idea.

172. I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of a class and blame that someone put the Imperious Curse on me.

173. I must not throw Hermione’s Hogwarts: A History out the window and then claim that it wanted freedom.

174. I must not leave shampoo on Professor Snape’s desk with directions on how to use it.

175. I will not tell first years that the best way to study is to stay up all night balancing your textbook on your head, as gravity will cause the information to sink through the skull and into the brain.

176. I will not take a hippogriff to the Summer Olympics to get an unfair advantage at the Equestrian competitions

177. I will not use magic to change test questions into those I can answer

178. The proper way to report to my Teacher is “Yes, Sir” not “You can’t prove a thing!”

179. A hug is not all Snape needs

180. When I see Professor Umbridge, I will not say, “There you are, Trevor. Neville has been looking all over for you.”

181. I will not tell Snape he is emo/goth just because he likes wearing black.
182. Harry Potter is not my 'Protection Shield' to carry around to ward off evil.
183. I will not introduce Peeves to IM.
184. I will not introduce Snape to IM.
185. I will not tell McGonagall that she is bad luck because she can turn into a cat.
186. I will not introduce Peeves to a T.V.
187. I will not tell Filch that he needs to bathe once in a while.
188. I won't sign my homework as 'Snaperdoodle'
189. When answering questions in Snape's class, I won't finish my sentences saying: 'dear Snaperdoodle'.
190. I will not hand out slips of papers asking students to answer the following question: Do you think Snape is evil?
191. I will not make a 'Too sexy for my shirt' slideshow full of Snape pictures and show it during all of my classes.
192. I will not tell the first years, who are waiting to be sorted, that in order to be sorted, you must confess your deepest secrets aloud while wearing the hat.

193. The "I Hate Snape" Club is not a valid after-class activity.
194. Making Harry Potter action figures without his permission is wrong.
195. I will not tell Grawp that "Hermy" will give him a kiss if he eats certain
members of the faculty

196. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "my little pony."
197. I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves.
198. I will not attempt to set up a satellite dish on the Astronomy Tower
199. There is no Interpretive Dance course offered at Hogwarts, and I should stop
signing up for it every year.

200. Yes, the Great Hall is extremely large, but Quidditch is an outside sport.
201. I will not demonstrate how to juggle using two Bludgers and the Snitch

202. I will not enter the great Hall running and yelling “We’re gonna Die” each time Snape comes to a meal.
203. I will not make farm animal noises in the back of Care for Magical creatures
204. I will not tell first years that divination is their 5th sense
205. Looking after a virtual pet is not a way to gain extra marks in care for magical creatures.
206. In the annual battle between death eaters and Hogwarts I will not sing “99 death eaters alive in the war, 99 death eaters alive. You shoot a spell they hit the ground. 98 deaths eaters alive in the war” as we fight.
207. Harry does not wish to wear a tutu to lunch and I should not make him.
208. I will not put black circles over Harry’s lenses and tell him he has gone blind. No matter how funny it could get.
209. I will not sing “ebony and Ivory” whenever I see Dean and Seamus together.
210. I will not tell first years Fang is a hell hound.
211. I will not post notices in common rooms saying that tomorrow is a theme day,
wear a costume. Even if it may be vegetable day.

212. “Another one bites the dust” is not a song to sing during quidditch matches.

213. The first few lines of Mama by MCR is not the best song to be singing during first year sorting,
214. I will not tell students singing the fat Albert theme song is a way to gain extra points on potions
215. I will not laugh at Sirius if he changes his middle name to 'Lee'.

216. I will not laugh at Lupin’s 'time of the month'.

217. I will not offer Crabbe and Goyle a cupcake with Veritiserium.

218. I will not make fun of Harry and his 'Potter Senses Tingling'.
219. I am not allowed to reenact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor
220. I will not cast 'Petrificus Totalus' on myself in order to avoid going to classes.

221. I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history in my Muggle Studies class.
222. All's fair in love and war" is not an official rule of Hogwarts
223. I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names.

224. Even if I myself to do not believe in it, I will respect that the school observes daylight savings time.

225. Watching "The Food Network" is not equivalent to sitting NEWT-level Potions classes.
226. Mr. Weasley's flying car is not to be taken apart piece by piece and rebuilt inside Snape's classroom
227. I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwart's smartest student is in another house
228. It is not appropriate trade first years between houses.
229. I will not tell first years that "any true wizard or witch" can see Thestrals, and that if they can't they "obviously aren't cut out for this school".
230. Draco Malfoy is not the secret identity of "Ferret Boy".
231. I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond.
232. The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.
233. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.
234. I will stop pasting happy face stickers on Snape's office door
235. Hagrid's skin is not green and I should stop calling him 'The Jolly Green Giant.'
236. Breaking into song during Potions class is not acceptable
237. Teaching first years to chorus in unison "The amazing bouncing ferret" whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is just wrong, funny, but wrong.
238. Bungee jumping off the astronomy tower is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere.
239. Yelling BOO! at Professor Moody is not wise.
240. I am not allowed to use the superglue spell to stick Harry and Draco's hands together
241. I will not sing "Defying Gravity" during Quidditch practice.
242. Saying the Dark Mark should be the Slytherin Crest is wrong.

243. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt.
244. It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte".
245. I will not swap Draco's broom with one out of Filch's broom cupboard.
246. I will no longer wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real father.
247. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
248. I am to stop asking Professor Snape to Yule Ball.
249. Mad-Eye Moody knows his eye is creepy, he does not need to be told... again.
250. Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.
251. I am not allowed to predict the end of the world more than once.
252. I will stop substituting Professor Lupin's Wolfsbane with Polyjuice Potion containing hairs from Mrs. Norris.
253. Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow.
254. I will not attempt to graft a transplant from the Whomping Willow onto the Hogwarts Christmas Tree in Herbology class.

255. I will not try to make a new basilisk for the Chamber of Secrets
256. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as “Kitchen Stadium”.
257. “Potter 6, Voldemort 0″, is not a valid T-shirt slogan
258. I will not pay Peeves to rewrite the school-anthem!
259. If Lupin requests something of me, it is considered very rude to refuse by replying, “Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!”
260. Telling Umbridge cardigans are so 1994 will get you in trouble.
261. I must never tell Ron he looks like a puffer fish.
262. I am not allowed to sing "Holding Out For A Hero" whenever Harry Potter enters the room.
263. Putting fake spiders around Ron’s bed isn’t funny. Especially when he tries to jump out of the window.
264. It probably isn’t smart to ask Draco Malfoy if his hair glows in the dark.
265. No matter how cool it sounds I will not release pixies into the school - it will just end badly.

266. I will not use muggle hair dye to dye Draco Malfoy's hair red.
267. It is not a good idea to charm the furniture in the potions classroom to be pink and fluffy.

268. I will not owl Voldemort a bottle of anti-depresents.
269. I will not make Snape an appointment with a muggle psychiatrist.
270. It is not a good idea to ask Snape if he is off his medication when he is angry. Or ever.

271. After using the hair dye on Malfoy, I will not attempt to claim him as the long missing Weasley brother.
272. I will not tell the first years that it is customary to dye their hair in their house colours for their first day of lessons.
273. A lightning bolt tattoo is NOT the 'Light Mark'.
274. Selling memorabilia with photographs of the 'ferret incident' is not allowed.
275. There is no annual 'Dress Like Dumbledore' day.

276. I will not re-enact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall.

277. I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood.

278. I am not allowed to wear Death Eater robes to dinner and shout Long live Lord Voldemort because I think its funny.

279. I will not replace Professor Snape’s pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.

280. I may not speak Latin in front of the books.

281. I may not mock Professor Umbridge in front of the press.

282. I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady MacBeth

283. Neville is not my valet.

284. There is no “open-mic night” at Hogwarts

285. It is not a good idea to give Malfoy a “love note” from Ginny and vice versa,
286. It is not a good idea to show the notes to Pansy Parkinson and Daphne Greengrass
287. It is a horrible idea to introduce “colour war” to Hogwarts with Slytherin as green, Hufflepuff as yellow, Gryffindor as red and Ravenclaw as blue.
288. On no circumstances can you introduce rabid fan girls to Harry potter.
289. You must not mix Ravenclaws with muggle geeks or Slytherins with popular people that are muggles. Or Blair Waldorf.

290. I am not to make a waterfall in the astronomy tower so I can surf down after class.
291. I am not allowed to change the Slytherin banner in the Great Hall to a pink and blue banner with a teddy bear on it.
292. Easter in Hogwarts is not to be celebrated by releasing hordes of pink rabbits and making the first years chase them.

293. I am not God.

294. Professor Dumbledore is not God.

295. Despite being near-omniscient, Professor McGonagall is not God.

296. Neither is Harry Potter.

297. I am not the founder of a new religion, in which Snape is the devil and Weasleys are the chosen people and are to lead the followers to the light.

298. I cannot make the followers of Weasleyity have red hair and freckles.

299. The Thriller is not the school dance.

300. I may not borrow an extra wand and watch DRUMLINE too many times. The results are too unpredictable, and Professor Flitwick would like his nose back some day.

- If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE!

- So I was all like Avada Kadavra and he was all like Dead

- I will not ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.

- Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret.

- Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar

- I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month.

- I will not say 'dude, get a life' to Lord Voldemort

- I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape

- This icon is off trying to shut Percy in a pyramid.

- I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the headmasters office

- I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy!

- Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda

- I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination class

- I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds when using my wand

- Sirius Black: Escaped askaban...Evaded death eaters...Outwitted the ministry...Killed by drapery.

jUST REMEMBER TO SAY HI TO MALDYWART FOR ME!

Emmett's the strongest.
Rosalie's the hottest.
Edward's the fastest.
Bella's the clumsiest
Alice's the quirkiest.

But only Jasper can sit in a corner and STILL make everyone feel jealous.

For people that hate stereotypes, put this on your profile.

(the BOLD the ones you are.)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'M RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil (So people have been told)
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too. (just one, not all of my friends)
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT so I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s

I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.

I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant

I’m FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be a alcoholic
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST be obsessed with boys and gossip

You know you live in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5 isn't there.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

Pick the month you were born:
January--I kicked
February--I loved
March--I kissed
April--I licked
May--I jumped on
June--I smelled
July--I did the Macarena With
August--I had lunch with
September--I danced with
October--I sang to
November--I yelled at
December--I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1--a birdbath
2--a monster
3--a phone
4--a fork
5--a snowman
6--a gangster
7--my mobile phone
8--my dog
9--my best friends' boyfriend
10--my neighbor
11--my science teacher
12--a banana
13--a fireman
14--a stuffed animal
15--a goat
16--a pickle
17--your mom
18--a spoon
19-- - a smurf
20--a baseball bat
21--a ninja
22--Chuck Norris
23--a noodle
24--a squirrel
25--a football player
26--my sister
27--my brother
28--an ipod
29--a surfer
30--a llama
31--A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White--because I'm cool like that
Black--because that's how I roll.
Pink--because I'm crazy.
Red--because the voices told me to.
Blue--because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green--because I think I need some serious help.
Purple--because I'm AWESOME!
Gray--because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
Yellow--because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange--because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway.
Brown--because I can..
Other--because I'm a Ninja!
None--because I can't control myself!

Two best friends were riding on a motorcycle. The motorcycle belonged to the boy driving it-a 16 year old boy named Chris. It was his first time driving it, and he convinced his best friend, a 16 year old girl named Laura, to ride on it with him. Halfway through the ride, disaster struck.

Laura: "Slow down, I'm scared!"
Chris: "No, this is fun!"
Laura: "No, it's not! Please slow down? It's way too scary!"
Chris: "Then... tell me you love me."
Laura: "I love you... now slow down!"
Chris: "Now, give me a hug..."
Laura wrapped her arms around Chris and closed her eyes, smiling. She realized then that she loved her best friend. Truly. Chris smiled, a tear rolling down his cheek. This went unnoticed by Laura, however.
Chris: "Can you... take off my helmet & put it on yourself? It's bothering me..."
Laura: "I told you I didn't want a helmet..."
Chris: "Please, Laura. Please."
Laura sighed and did as she was told.

-In the newspaper the next day, there was an article describing a motorcycle accident. Apparently, a motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on the vehicle, but only one survived.

The truth was that halfway down the road, Chris realized that the breaks were out and he didn't want the Laura to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then, he had her put his helmet on so that she would have a greater chance to live even if it meant that he would die.

10 Ways to Annoy the Cullens

10. Visit Carlisle at the hospital for every papercut, hiccough, and scrape imaginable.
9. Have ornate coffins delivered to the Cullens for Christmas with a note saying "Just in case you get tired".
8. Replace all of Bella's jeans and t-shirts with pink lace and frilly dresses.
7. Every time Esme starts a redecorating project tell her "That's not how Martha Stewart would have done it."
6. When Emmett is trying to watch a game on TV, talk the whole time, keep asking him what is happening, or just keep babbling.
5. Lock Alice's closet…and give the key to Jacob.
4. Start a food fight….with Rosalie as the target.
3. Show up at the Cullen house as Dracula on Halloween and run around yelling "I vant to suck your blood!"
2. Get Edward a BeDazzler for Christmas.
1. Ship mood rings to Jasper and ask him to test them for accuracy.Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,

Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,

Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,

Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,

Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,

Calling me FAT wont make you PERFECT,

Calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,

So why bother?

9 Things I Hate About Everyone:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 10 to come to the movies and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What the fuck can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Therapist = the/rapist... scary thought.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Tell the truth and run.

Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.

Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.

Set sail in a general that way direction.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

SOME FUNNY THINGS:

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Being mature is overrated.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!

Whose cruel idea was it to put "S" in the word "Lisp"?

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid a--.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901

Bella Cullen: Luckier That You since 1987

Some random stuff I think is funny. =DYou cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it.
She Said: You wear pants, don't you?

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.

Occifer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!

I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

There is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Be a loser! Because being cool is so overrated!

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

whos god:
Edward is a perfect angel: God created angels: Carlisle created Edward into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. That and everyone of us woke up, saw Carlisle and thought he was God.

All the good guys are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books.

Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, my dear children, but that is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

My goal in life is to have everyone I ever come in contact with to fall in love with the Twilight series, and, more importantly, JASPER!!

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.GIRL COMEBACKS!!Boy

Girl

"Where have you been all my life?""Running away from you.""Are you an angel from heaven?"

"No, I’m a vampire from hell.""Your place or mine?"

"Both, you go to yours, I go to mine.""Your feisty, I like that."

"Your smelly, go away.""My dad owns the Café. I could get us really good seats."

"My dad runs that hospital, and that’s where you’ll be if you keep hitting on me.""I have magic fingers. And they love to give massages."

"I have a high kick. And they love to land on…"

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your nec k!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

FIND YOUR NAME: COPY AND PASTE INTO YOUR PROFILE AND CHANGE ANSWERS!:

A FEW lots RANDOM FUNNY SENTENCES THAT I LOVE:

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

"People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door."

I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Your mom looks like Voldemort (oooooh burn)

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

Don't call me emo or I'll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain and then I'll die and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT!

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Tell the truth and run.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

"When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade"

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Don't mess with me I've got a stick

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the

best in you.

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it."

"Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else"

"Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real."

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not."

"Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?"

"What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy."

"Guns don't kill people. I do."

"A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying 'Man, that was fun!'"

If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.

Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

I'm not paranoid...WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. Success = Failure!

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Guns don’t kill people. Bullets kill people. I mean, DUH!

When life hands you lemons, chuck 'em back at the guy who was demented enough to give them to you.

When life hands you lemons, Throw them back and demand he throws you Jasper!

Liar, liar, pants on fire, hanging from a cellphone wire

Things we all wonder about

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?(scary)

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why is their Braille on the drive up ATM machine??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why do we park in the driveway and drive on the park way?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Have you ever been captured by evil squirrels and taken to their secret squirrel hideout, but rescued by your vampire love, who ran around with a machine gun shouting die squirrels, die?

Are you ever worried about the fact that your stalker isn't stalking anymore?

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

If you blow in a dogs face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a car ride, and the first thing he does is stick his head out the window!

Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear brighter before you hear them speak?

Why does an 'X' stand for kiss?

If olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from? 0.0 I wonder...I'm going to go and get my little 4 yr old sister...OH! Did you just read that? If so...BACK OFF SUCKA

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while your ahead?'

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If a fork were made of gold would it still be called silver ware?

Can you make a candle out of your earwax?

"Cute as a button." Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?

Are marbles made of marble?

Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?

If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? I mean DUH!

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your pee is hotter when you use the restroom?

Can mute people burp?

What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?

Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why do you go "back and forth" to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?

Why do dogs sniff other dog’s butts to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?

Which way does a compass point in space?

Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked? ~Also, aren't we always naked like 24/7? I mean, the clothing is just so no one can see us in our nudity, so technically, we are running around naked outside.~

Why do all superheroes wear spandex?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why did Mary own a little lamb?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

Why are Pringles curved?

What happens if your snot freezes in your nose?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are? Do they lie?

If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?

Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be "under par" in any thing else?

If your scared to swim but love water, how does that make sense?

Soap Opera Name(middle name and current street name): GRACE SPINNER

Super-Hero Name(favorite color and favorite drink):PURPLE VANILA MILKSHAKE

Star Wars Name(first three letters of last name, first three letters of first name, last three letters of mother's maiden name): CHREMIMAN

Arabic Name(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and last letter of your moms middle name): MRGAMEA

Goth Name(black and the name of one of your pets):BLACK GUINESS

Witness Protection Name(your mother and fathers middle name)EILA JAMES

Nascar Name(first name of your mother’s mom, father’s mom): PAM NANCY

Fly Name(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name): EMER

Gangsta Name(first 3 letters of first name plus izzle):EMIIZZLE

Detective Name(favorite color and favorite animal): green fox

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long?!)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

FACTS

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. (...no comment)

A melcryptovestimentaphiliac is someone who compulsively steals women's underwear. (Or, for an easier word, pervert)

A mismomania is someone who hates everything.(EMO)

Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is frowned upon in most societies. ~Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

"Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that."

Ways to make sure you're insane and maintain a healthy level of insanity

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom. don't disguise your voice.

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy"

Ask your dog if it's comfortable with it's name. Repeat with cat, until people ask if you're alright.

As often as possible, skip rather than walk
.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go"

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme
.

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because your not in the mood.

When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON! I WON!"

When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives! they're loose!!"

Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!!

Things to do on an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

23. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

27. Put police tape in front of the door before entering.

28. Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you.

29. Hold an auction.

30. Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.

31. Ask every passenger coming if you can borrow a tampon. Especially effective if victim is male. Even more effective if you yourself are male.

32. Throw a rave.

33. Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not feng shwei."

34. Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".

35. Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.

36. When you brush past someone, whisper "Was it good for you too?"

37. Lean over to another rider and whisper 'Noogie patrol coming!'"

38. Have a heated debate with yourself.

39. Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.

40. Drum on every available surface.

41. Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.

42. Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.

43. Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.

44. Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.

45. Propose to the other passengers.

46. Challenge people to duels.

47. Sell girl scout cookies.

48. Bring a large pile of ice. Build an igloo on the floor.

49. Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."

50. Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.

51. Stick your tongue out. Act like it's a cigarette, and ask someone for a lighter.

52. Pitch a tent on the floor, and "camp out" for the weekend.

53. Play "I've got your nose" with the other passengers.

54. Shout "Food fight!"

55. Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"

56. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

57. Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back.

58. Elevators were practically MADE for river dance!

59. Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"

60. Make sushi.

61. Press your nose against the other passengers, and say "You know, this is what the Eskimos used to do before having sex."

62. Shave.

63. Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved when it stops moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.

64. Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection.

65. Practice your kung fu.

66. Make race car noises when people get on and off.

67. Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?"

68. Fly a model airplane.

69. Do yoga.

70. Play the accordion

71. Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat.

72. Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit.

73. Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.

74. Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure."

75. Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word.

Random Questions

If the sky is the limit, then what is space? Over the limit?
Are children who act in 'R' rated moves allowed to see them?
Why is it when an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in a asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out." ?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt."?
Isn't Disneyland just a people trap operated by a mouse?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are crazy?
Why is it when some products you have to turn upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn down?
Why do people say ,"you can't have your cake and eat it too" when no one would have a cake if they can't eat it?
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's
only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra
penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the
clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we
figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on
luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still
called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being
would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool
lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that
ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
come from morons?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a
car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Can Bald people have Hairline fractures?

If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.

Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?

Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?

In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?

Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?

If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?

Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?

You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?

If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?

If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?

If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant, do they have to wear hairnets?

How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?

If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?

When the French swear do they say pardon my English?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?


Random Quotes

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns
"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton
"I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage, Mythbusters
"Man must wait long time with mouth open for roast duck to fly in." ancient Chinese proverb
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" –Unknown
"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown
"We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box."-Unknown
Dealing with Television network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks."- Eric Sevareid
“I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for." --Jasper Carrott
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." --Will Rogers
I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it." –Unknown
"Perfection is a waste of time." --Kim De Coite
Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work?' Liberal Arts:'Do you want fries with that?'" –Unknown
"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable." –Unknown
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein
That is the truest sign of insanity--insane people are always sure they are fine. It is only the sane people that are willing to admit that they are crazy." --Nora Ephron
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." --Rich Cook
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.” – Unknown
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Unknown
“Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.” – Unknown
“He who laughs last didn't get it.” – Unknown
“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown
"A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~Herm Albright
"Americans worship money. I have been looking for god all my life and he is right in my pocket." -Chris Rock
Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster.
Confusius say: Man who eat jelly beans fart in Technicolor
"Dance my little puppets, Dance!" – God
We're on a bridge CCHHAARRLLIIEE.
We are going to Candy Mountain Cchhaarrlliiee! A land of sweets and joy... and joyness.
Oh god! They took my freaking kidney!
It's a Leoplurodon Cchhaarrlliiee. A magical Leoplurodon
"There's no such thing as a stupid question, until you ask it." -That-Guy-With-The-Glasses


Man: I would go to the end of the world for you!
Woman: But would you stay there??
I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas, used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "Your next" "Your next". Well they stopped doin that crap when i started to do it to them at funerals.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
ur parents lied. ur not special. ur just stupid.
Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fucker upside the head

Random Randomness

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
I’ve got problem for your solution…
Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.
The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade.
Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship.
Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
Don't mess with me I've got a stick.
I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet
One way to figure out how things work: push all the buttons!
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have
Somebody needs a Happy Meal.

Being normal is overrated.
Never hide the bodies in the same place, your closet gets full after a while.
"I'll hold it and you light the fuse."
"So, you're a cannibal."
"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!
I could tell you what happened in the first chapter of Breaking Dawn, but then I would have to kill you.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
"When all else fails blow shit up."
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.
Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!
"I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly"
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
"You say tomato...I say fuck you."
When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow
"Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again
To put it nicely, I hope you choke
"True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream"
Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them
I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care
True love isn't free, but i'd pay anything to have it
real life isn't full of happily ever afters, just bursts of happiness that don't last very long
If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
The world is cruel... get used to it!
Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal.
If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.
The evil gnomes poked me in the bum wit a stick.
Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things and no good thing ever dies, except my dog scruffy, he got hit by a car.
Welcome to the world of very scary fearies!
For those who think fearies are innocent little creatures...
Killing gnomes with sporks!
Would you like a cookie? So would I.
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

Don't take it personally.. but you smell like an ice cube
Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.
A day without sunshine is like... night.
A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?"
A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water!
Behold the mighty...chihuahua?
Busy polking my neighbor with a spork. shes really old and wrinkly this is fun muahahaha
Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot
Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!
Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.
Feeding my pet old person right now...!
Hello. You have reached The Autopsy-profile. If you are already cut open, Press 1.If you are ordering a new body, Press 2.If you are ordering a cut body, Press 3.If you are picking up a body, Press 4.If you chose none of the options above, please stay on the profile. You will soon be tracked down and picked up in a nice cozy black 'sleeping-bag'.Have a nice day and thank you for choosing Autopsy-profile!
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I?
I do what cheerios tell me.
I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.
I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my hande, here is my...other handle? Shit. now i'm a sugar bowl
I'm bartending at an AA meeting
I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you! (haha just like Edward Cullen!! :D)
I'm knocking on heavens door.. voice in back round Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! me That wasnt my fault!! It was poor constrution... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that...
I'm out driving with my keys in an electrical outlet...
If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.
My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet...
Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions.
The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole.


If at first you don't succeed, try walking around the brick wall.

You have more chance of dying by an asteroid collision than in a plane crash.

The dimensions of the Space Shuttle, one of humanities greatest achievements, were specified over 2500 years ago by a horse.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

My favorite word is sarcasm.

Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again

A piece of cheese could come up with a plan more cunning than that.

I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to.

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.

When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash, honey; I don't live to please you.

You know, there are poor people in Africa who can’t afford sarcasm, and yet you abuse it!

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids
do you want?

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind
yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.

Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby"
has never tried it.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.


Signs:

Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP!

Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached.

1. He's dead Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me

2. Oh yea? If you're so smart, why don't I understand you?

3. Oh, I'm sorry, were the voices in my head bothering you?

4. I can't remember the last time I forgot something.

5. Time is the best teacher, but it kills all its students.

6. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

7. Why remember quotes when you can make them up?

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR
MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF..

Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS...
YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT

Sign on a famous beauty parlor window:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your Grandmother.

Notice in the toilet
This urinal is out of order - Kindly use the floor below.

Advice:

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

Stay away from prunes.

Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.

Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.

Never try to baptize a cat.

Ways to annoy people:

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Ask people what gender they are.

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

If you have a glass, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Speak only in a "robot" voice.

Blow your nose when some one is eating.

Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "eat away your food " !

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Name your dog "Dog."

Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Drum on every available surface.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Set alarms for random times.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

only type in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.


Things you really shouldn’t say:

That shirt makes you look fat.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Gosh, why don’t you kill me already and put me out of my misery?

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

No, that does not look good on you.

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

some of my favourite qoutes from some fanfics:

What would carlisle, with all his human love and compassion, do in a fight? Love his enemys to death?!some fanfic

Now Bella, there will be no murder under my roof," Charlie looked at me sternly. "But as long as it’s outside and you hide the evidence so I can’t trace it back to you, then you will be fine."some fanfic

"What would you do if your ipod ‘accidentally’ flew out the window?" he smiled an innocent smile, his eyes shimmering in his taunting."You put that down right now!" It came out more whining than threatening."What, Bella?" Mock shock played on his face. "I would never do something like that.""Edward, I’m going to come back there and bitch slap you.""But you’re driving.""I’ll pull over.""You sound like a mom.""And you sound like a guy who is about to get bitch slapped." some fanfic

In that moment, all I cared about was that Bella had turned them down. She didn’t sound anymore excited about being subjected to the drunken advances of hormonal males than I did. some fanfic

Sure.” After filling in the rest of the blanks, she handed the paper to him. “I’m pregnant,” he read. “Isn’t that that new Adam Sandler movie coming out on Friday? It looks funny, I wanna see it.”
She sighed and rolled her eyes for the millionth time that night. “No, Seaweed Brain. I’m pregnant.”
He was silent for a while, then he looked at her stomach and his eyes went wide. “Holy shit! There’s a baby in there!?”
She was extremely confused by his reaction. Was he excited? Angry? “Yeah,” she said, cautiously.
“How did it get in there!?”
“Are you seriously asking that question, Seaweed Brain?”hangman by ?

Thursday night, I stepped out of the shower and toweled myself off. I wrapped the towel around my torso and padded down the hallway to my room to change into my pajamas so I could get ready for bed. Suddenly, I heard a rustling sound coming from the dark living room. I stopped dead in my tracks and sucked in a breath as I caught a glimpse of a shadowy figure by the couch. My brain went into overdrive, trying to quickly formulate some sort of attack plan. Run into the bedroom and grab my phone to call the police. Sprint back to the bathroom for the hair dryer, so I could club the intruder to death. Or remove my towel and frighten the sicko with a view of my scary, pale naked self. some fanfic (i would so do the last one if i was her)

would have been all over his ass like a fat kid looking for cake in a kitchen.idk were this is from - Alternative Universe

“What’s so funny?” Bella asked as we stood there watching the tanning bed waiting for Emmett to emerge.
“Poor Emmett, he still thinks this is a good idea.” I laughed.
“What exactly is going to happen to him?” Rose asked becoming irritated.
We all stood there not wanting to explain to her that her husband was going to become a giant Swarovski Crystal.
“What does the sun do to you?” Bella asked Rose.
I put my hand over my face pinching the bridge of my nose. I didn’t want to see Bella in the middle of Rose’s fury.
“He’s going to sparkle?” Rose laughed. The smile faded as she quickly realized that humans used tanning beds for long term tans, her mind was racing as she quickly realized her husband would be sparkling for a while.
“How long is it going to last?” Rose shouted.
“About two weeks.” Alice giggled.
“Two weeks, what the fuck? How bad is it going to be?” Rose asked
“Well you know that Swarovski necklace Emmett bought you a few years ago. Multiply the sparkle factor by ten.” She laughed.
Rose ran over to the tanning bed. “Enough.” She screamed as she flipped open the top of the tanning bed.
“Babe?” Emmett growled removing the eye protectors “What are you doing? I was going to look sexy for you!”
“Your going to look like a freaking oversized retarded diamond.” Rose shrieked pulling him out of the tanning bed.
“Diamonds can’t look retarded.” Emmett scoffed as Rose drug him out.some fanfic. twilight

“Actually I’m guarding Christian again so he’s my new roomie. Sorry,” I said as soon as I thought of it, which was quick seeing as I had just spoken about it with Eddie and Alberta. Christian groaned. “Cheer up, Sparky, you just get to spend lots more time with your favorite smart ass.” I smiled and he began banging his head against the table. I laughed. aftermath by pandoralovey

“hey no fighting on my birthday and to make sure if you do you have to jump in the pool butt naked” Christian chin dropped so far I think it hit the ground.
“Lissa you cant make me—“
I cut him “ yes she can because its Her birthday DUMBASS” I said opening the door of the car. I heard him and Lissa arguing about me so I just had to stick my head out the window.
“I can hear you and don’t pretend you weren’t talking about me because you were and Christian...” I wait him to answer.
“yes Rose”
“go die in hole EMOBOY” I yelled as I lock the door and duck so he could see my laughter. RoseChristianOMG by lovelips

“So you see Mason, or think you do, and that is what has you scared half to death?”“I’d prefer it if you didn’t use the word ‘death’ but yea...”
“Well if I said ‘scared half to watermelon’ it wouldn’t make sense.” Christian said, deciding that I really didn’t want to talk about it. A GHOST SEEING TRU LOVE

AH - All Human
OC -
Original Character
OOC -
Out of Character
IC -
In Character
WIP -
While in progress
Lemon -
Graphic sex scene
Lime
- Intense fluff (but not a sex scene)
Fluff- A sweet moment shared between characters (like a kiss)

Before You Ask...

AU

Your One and Only Wish. Do it one by one; don't look ahead!

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, and green, yellow?
3. Your first initial?
4. Your month of birth?
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number?
8. Do you like California or Florida more?
9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

THE ANSWERS

1. You are completely in love with this person.

2. If you chose:
Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black: You are conservative and aggressive.
Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

3. If your initial is:
A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

4. If you were born in:
Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you will fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good.
Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.

5. If you chose...
Black: Your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.

8. If you chose...
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laidback person.

9. If you chose...
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

10. This wish will come true only if you REPOST THIS BULLETIN in one hour! Do so and it will come true before your next birthday!

This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

Repost this if you truly believe in God

1.Jasper

2.Alec

3.Emmett

4.Carlisle

5.Esme

6.Alice

7.Felix

8.Jane

9.Rosalie

10.Aro

11.Seth

12.mind rapist...OOPS!

1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

No, I have not.

2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

ummm...I dont actually know...

3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

Apart from it not being possible, I would want to anger those kids...bloody red headed midgets!

4. Can you recall any fics about Nine?

Many.

5. Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Height wise and 2 would be able to stop her shopping, cant shop without senses...

6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?

5/9 would be a gay couple ( no ofense) and a 5/10 would probably be a bit weird (5 is too kind to hang around a creepy crackpot)

7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?

Dunno, with whats happening 7 would probably join in.

8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.

Is that possible...

9. Is there such thing as a one eighth fic?

Yes, there are three

10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.

Im not creative enough to make up titles...

11. Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?

I dunno, my friends dont use fanfiction.

12. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?

see eleven

13. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?

Again, see eleven.

14. If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?

Just a little girl-Amy Studt (check youtube)

16. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

months ago.

17. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (7). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).

Jasper and Felix are in a happy relationship untill Rosalie runs off with Felix. Jasper, brokenhearted, has a hot one night stand with seth and a brief unhappy affair with mind rapist, then follows wise advice of esme and finds true love with emmett. WOW! That is soooooo messed up!

some truly wacky things to try:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layby/lay away

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

If you thought those were cool, copy and paste them into your profile.

ODD THINGS TEST. PASTE ON PROFILE WITH AN ASTERIX () BEFORE THE STATEMENT IF YOU HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THAT ISSUE.

Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.
Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking.
You have ran into a glass/screen door.
You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.
So far: 5

You have ran into a tree.
It IS possible to lick your elbow
You just tried to lick your elbow.
You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm.
You just tried to sing them

So far:9

You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
You have choked on your own spit.
You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.
Your hair is blonde.
People have called you slow

So far: 14

You have accidentally caught something on fire
You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes.
You have caught yourself drooling.
You've fallen asleep in class(I did that to go home in the first class one day...the longer time at home the better!)
If someone says "fart" you laugh

So far: 17

Sometimes you just stop thinking.
You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about
People often shake their heads and walk away from you
You are often told to use your "inside voice".
You use your fingers to do simple math.
So far: 22

You have eaten a bug.
You are taking this test when you should be doing something important
You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it
You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand or pocket (i hate it when that happens!)

So far: 24

You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don't even when you know it won't happen to you
You break a lot of things.
So far: 25

Your friends/family know not to use big words around you
You sometimes tilt your head when you're confused
You have fallen out of your chair before

So far: 27

When you're laying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling
The word "uhhhh" is used many times a day.

So far: 29 wow i mustbe stupid LOL!! :p

If I ever met my favourite book/movie character (jasper), I would have many, many things to say, but right know the number one thing I would say is:

''I've got a litre of blood for anyone who can write me a civil war essay!''

Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane

10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just kidding.
6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!
5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his brake wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book.

I am the girl that people look through when I say something.

I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal.

I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face.

I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone.

I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year.

I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.

BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things.

Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Dancer4Life15,Marigold Winters, SparklingTopazEyes, FairyNinjaPrincess, MyImmortal01, Twilightxfanatic21, Twilightloverforeverandever, VampireChic666, Emmelee

/l、
(゚、 。 7
l、 ~ヽ
じしf,)ノ

kitty!

This is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your
signature to help him gain world domination

(\)_(/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny.
(")_(") Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination!

IF YOU JUST READ MY ENTIRE PROFILE I AM VERY SORRY! IT MUST TAKE SOMETHING LIKE A WHOLE HOUR TO DO SO! I WOULDNT BE BOTHERED...SO I AM SORRY IF JUST READ THE PROFILE!

please, spread word of my stories (jokes...only if you wish...I dont control you...but please review)

from the one,

the only,

Emmelee :)

If you review my storys( only if you want to) I will add more chapters and plaese give me a few ideas of what you like and I might be able to get a good story out of it that you would like. What the point in writing storys if no one likes them. Remember, masterpieces dont happen on there own.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

190 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts by Cliodhna reviews
190 tales of rules Fred and George broke during their time at Hogwarts. Ten new tales including 'There is no 'bring a muggle to school day' and 'I am not allowed to start the Minerva McGonagall Fan Club.' R&R!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 69,588 - Reviews: 752 - Favs: 1,624 - Follows: 775 - Updated: 20h - Published: 9/27/2008 - George W., Fred W.
In Which Hermione Granger Becomes Lethal by ladyofnite reviews
Summer after Fifth Year. Hermione's family is murdered and she is out for revenge. In order to help calm her, Albus appoints Severus as her Guardian. Unfortunately, Snape has no intentions of reigning the girl in. Severus-Mentors-Hermione fic, AU, OOC
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 78,265 - Reviews: 467 - Favs: 765 - Follows: 1,055 - Updated: 9/1 - Published: 3/31/2009 - Hermione G., Severus S.
A Memory's Curse by fanpire.x reviews
With the Cullens gone, Bella can return to the Wizarding World for her Fifth Year at Hogwarts. But with a horrible DADA teacher, seven surprise guests, a new love interest and Voldemort growing stronger, will she make it through unscathed? *Bella/Harry - during NM and OotP*
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 35 - Words: 57,630 - Reviews: 769 - Favs: 892 - Follows: 746 - Updated: 11/28/2017 - Published: 7/15/2009 - [Harry P., Bella] Sirius B. - Complete
Never Good Enough by HayloHato reviews
Jasper is haunted by suspicions of Edward and Alice, it's all he thinks about these days. So when he finally gets the proof he wants, he's relieved and now more haunted than ever. When the truth is finally out in the open, what happens to the two people that were left behind? BellaxJasper
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,457 - Reviews: 507 - Favs: 398 - Follows: 485 - Updated: 4/27/2017 - Published: 2/6/2008 - Bella, Jasper
The Secrets Out by AndyBCM reviews
The Cullen’s existence relies on one secret... What happens when the secret comes out? Will the world accept vampires? Will Bella’s and Edward’s relationship survive? How are the Volturi going to react? Will their lives ever be the same again?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 54,378 - Reviews: 241 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 87 - Updated: 2/2/2017 - Published: 5/4/2009
Obsidian by x-Punch-Buggy-Red-x reviews
When a dragon egg hatches for Katharean, her entire world is turned upside down. After fleeing the home of her oppressive, Galbatorix-loving father, she meets the mysterious Murtagh. Can he help her reach Eragon and the Varden before Galbatorix's men find her? Or is he really all he seems? AU MurtaghxOC. Rated T for now...this summary is abysmal.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 50 - Words: 116,594 - Reviews: 340 - Favs: 200 - Follows: 234 - Updated: 7/21/2016 - Published: 12/31/2008 - Eragon S., Murtagh
Emmett's Guide to Survive High School by TheBoleynLegacy reviews
With these tips invented by Emmett you are guaranteed to survive the most agonizing, miserable and painful years of your life, otherwise known as high school.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 58 - Words: 21,809 - Reviews: 325 - Favs: 142 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 1/5/2016 - Published: 3/29/2008 - Emmett - Complete
Teddy's Lily by merdarkandtwisty reviews
Teddy/Lily drabbles Never ending every type of subject r/r after harry/ginny this is the best couple so give it a chance.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 160 - Words: 34,766 - Reviews: 469 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 91 - Updated: 10/8/2015 - Published: 5/18/2009 - Lily Luna P., Teddy L.
Fire & Ice by PlonkerOnDaLoose reviews
Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. Ginny Weasley burns for revenge and Tom Riddle is frozen in time. When two forces of nature collide, destruction is assured.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 66,204 - Reviews: 694 - Favs: 383 - Follows: 440 - Updated: 7/16/2015 - Published: 1/6/2009 - Ginny W., Tom R. Jr.
Bella Potter: The Unknown Twilight Chronicles by Lunarity2013 reviews
Just another HP/T fanfic. Full sum inside. I do not own. Chapter 15 up: The Sorting Hat's New Song, Part 1 Happy New Year!
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 19 - Words: 27,268 - Reviews: 207 - Favs: 199 - Follows: 209 - Updated: 6/8/2015 - Published: 6/21/2009 - Harry P., Bella
Vixen by SLovingLecter reviews
After her parent's deaths Hermione is bound and trapped in her Animagus form, first for her own safety, then to ensure the safety of others during the war. Who is she bound to? Severus Snape, of course..
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 52 - Words: 101,386 - Reviews: 2462 - Favs: 2,425 - Follows: 936 - Updated: 3/31/2015 - Published: 7/9/2009 - Hermione G., Severus S. - Complete
Surprise! by FirePhoenix86 reviews
Now that Harry is free, he gets another Bombshell revelation about his past that was kept from him, and apparently everyone else as well. Can he finally live his life the way he's always wanted? Parents, his Godfather, and a real family? J/L, HP/GW
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Angst - Chapters: 73 - Words: 320,833 - Reviews: 1576 - Favs: 1,136 - Follows: 942 - Updated: 3/7/2015 - Published: 7/27/2009 - Harry P., James P. - Complete
The Disappointing Journey by Rose Dragonfly reviews
Well, I got stuck in Alagaesia,& I thought it would be fun & all, but it's kinda hard to keep your mouth shut when you've read all three of the Inheritance books. Will I be able to keep quiet, or will the whole story go wrong? Beware of Spoilers! Book 2: Paolini has written his fourth book... what will now change in the Alagaesia that I helped mold?
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 33 - Words: 104,247 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 2/4/2015 - Published: 5/28/2009 - Brom, Eragon S.
Angels and Wolves by TragicallyMagical reviews
Alyssa Harris is a cancer survivor who, after two years of chemo and treatment, finally has the chance to live again in her hometown La Push. But what has changed? She will find out that not only she has changed, but the people have as well. Imprint Story
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 40,471 - Reviews: 132 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 99 - Updated: 6/12/2014 - Published: 4/7/2009 - Embry
Tear You Apart by Arciere reviews
Hermione's life crumbles when Death Eaters attack her home and murder her parents. But Severus Snape has some interesting news for this witch, and Hermione was never one to go down without a fight. CAUTION: fluff, shenanigans, and seriousness. Some OOC and OCs Picks up after events in OotP-ish. Alternate 7th year. Edited and continued. UNDER MAJOR CONSTRUCTION.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 12,856 - Reviews: 368 - Favs: 228 - Follows: 308 - Updated: 5/23/2014 - Published: 6/25/2008 - Hermione G., Draco M., Severus S., Ginny W.
Rose's high moment by Jappa reviews
Lissa found Rose high on Caffeine. This is the events of the day and the days after that. Set after Shadow-kiss. Dimitri never got changed.
Vampire Academy - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,199 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 4/12/2014 - Published: 9/14/2009 - Rose H., Dimitri B. - Complete
Identity Crisis by Beanacre0 reviews
Hermione finds out she is not really a Granger. She's adopted. The biggest shock is when she finds out she's a Malfoy. Narcissa and Draco know of her previous identity and they have to keep it secret from Lucius. But how long can that last? Please R&R
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,114 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 237 - Follows: 263 - Updated: 3/14/2014 - Published: 4/14/2008 - Hermione G., Blaise Z.
Into Another World by alaska-young reviews
I just wanted a place where we'd be together. Hell, that was just wishful thinking. I did NOT mean this!
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,633 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 7/5/2013 - Published: 6/5/2009
Erasing History by padawan lynne reviews
When his family is killed by someone he once called a friend, Harry is devastated. Thrown back in time, he decides to change history and save his family. After all, no one ever said what time the Prophecy had to be fulfilled in.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 49 - Words: 267,681 - Reviews: 2412 - Favs: 3,683 - Follows: 3,764 - Updated: 2/10/2013 - Published: 4/3/2008
Purosangue by crazyflyingsheep reviews
Hermione is a pureblood, daughter of Mrs Zabini. Blaise is her twin brother, Draco is his best friend. Takes place going into seventh year. After war.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 25,074 - Reviews: 174 - Favs: 252 - Follows: 257 - Updated: 1/11/2013 - Published: 6/9/2009 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Shackled By Blood by purplehairedwonder reviews
After the battle at Gil'ead, Murtagh and Thorn struggle with Galbatorix's power over them. But when Roran is captured by the Empire, Murtagh and Thorn must decide once and for all where their loyalties lie.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 20 - Words: 80,940 - Reviews: 357 - Favs: 168 - Follows: 175 - Updated: 8/24/2012 - Published: 12/3/2008 - Murtagh, Roran
Don't Touch My Mudblood by SkyeSloane reviews
Okay, so I thought that being part Veela would be a damn good thing. But having that Mudblood Granger for a mate has proved to be deplorably dangerous to my health. DM/HG COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 75,748 - Reviews: 756 - Favs: 1,885 - Follows: 788 - Updated: 8/20/2012 - Published: 9/28/2007 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
The Misadventures of Bella and Emmett by Ninja.At.Heart reviews
Emmett wins the job of baby-sitting Bella. But he gets bored quickly. Emmett chooses to have a little fun with Bella. Will Emmett regret his choice? Will Bella survive without a scratch? How will Alice and Edward react to emmett's choice. Attempt of humor
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 33,373 - Reviews: 167 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 88 - Updated: 6/25/2012 - Published: 3/15/2009 - Bella, Emmett
The Ultimate Betrayal by EddiesGirlx reviews
When Bella and Jasper find out Alice and Edward cheated on them how will they react? T but contains sexual themes. Please read! Jasper/Bella later on.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 22 - Words: 17,090 - Reviews: 367 - Favs: 308 - Follows: 207 - Updated: 3/27/2012 - Published: 6/20/2009 - Jasper, Bella - Complete
Oh My Veela! by Charmed Sweetly reviews
Warning: Veelas are strong, passionate and possessive. Don't get in the way. DMHG
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 68,833 - Reviews: 1561 - Favs: 2,025 - Follows: 2,125 - Updated: 2/26/2012 - Published: 8/18/2007 - Draco M., Hermione G.
Cullen Wife Swap by BMC1984 reviews
What happens when Emmett and Jasper sign the Cullen's up for wife swap. How will Esme deal with being with a new family? How will the Cullen's deal with a Human living in the house? Post Breaking Dawn Includes Nessie, Jacob, Edward Bella, normal pairings.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 57 - Words: 82,417 - Reviews: 1503 - Favs: 975 - Follows: 322 - Updated: 2/12/2012 - Published: 4/21/2009 - Edward, Emmett - Complete
Italian Love by DriverPicksMusic reviews
Something happened. Bella left Edward, she goes to the Volturi to join them and to make them kill Edward. Will she find more than vampirism? Will she find love? Will Edward be her only problem? How many trials must she overcome to find happiness?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 23 - Words: 52,464 - Reviews: 628 - Favs: 531 - Follows: 492 - Updated: 1/29/2012 - Published: 9/9/2009 - Bella, Alec
Nail Polish by Pulele Hua reviews
Sometimes nail polish reveals plenty. NOW BETA-ED
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 535 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 1/6/2012 - Published: 9/14/2009 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Of Feathers and Friends by WYgirl9 reviews
As a professor at hogwarts Hermione Granger is going through many trying times. Can her fellow professor help her. Will they find love along the way?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,308 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 1/5/2012 - Published: 6/27/2009 - Hermione G., Oliver W.
Classic Cullen Moments by Sarahgotbored reviews
(Discontinued. Only reason this hasn't been deleted is because I'm a sentimental freak and like to look back on things I wrote when I was 13. Quite frankly it's awful, Stay away!)
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 58 - Words: 52,818 - Reviews: 1316 - Favs: 372 - Follows: 202 - Updated: 12/28/2011 - Published: 12/9/2008 - Complete
The Life And Times of Sirius Black by whoneedsusernames reviews
"To whom it may concern: this is an account of my life- my memoirs, if you like". the life and loves of the pureblood 'Black' sheep; rebellion, betrayal, and the destructive love story that ruined it all. opposites attract, but they weren't opposites R&R
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 221,218 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 12/22/2011 - Published: 1/21/2009 - Sirius B., OC - Complete
Another Veela Fic! by Vintage Ginger reviews
Yet ANOTHER Veela Dramione....BUT WITH A TWIST!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,078 - Reviews: 137 - Favs: 143 - Follows: 246 - Updated: 12/20/2011 - Published: 12/28/2007 - Hermione G., Draco M.
The Plan by 4Padfoot reviews
The male Cullens have forgotten Esme's birthday and how Esme, Rose, Alice and Bella get even with them. Told from Bella's point of view as it is her plan.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 19,879 - Reviews: 210 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 126 - Updated: 12/11/2011 - Published: 11/16/2009 - Edward, Bella
Thing's They Wouldn't Say by buckwolvhoosier reviews
My sister and I made these up when we were bored one night. They are random statements and spoofs that the inhabitants of Alagaesia would not normally say. I think it's really funny, but I want to know what you think :
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 8 - Words: 5,234 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 9/27/2011 - Published: 8/3/2009
Fourier's Flaw by SiriusBlacksGodDaughter reviews
Theoretically, let's say you can stop this war at its' core, Miss Granger." Dumbledore said with a smile. "Kill Lord Voldemort?" asked Hermione. Dumbledore shook his head, "Not all battles end in fight, Miss Granger." AU
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 13 - Words: 90,991 - Reviews: 332 - Favs: 586 - Follows: 266 - Updated: 8/9/2011 - Published: 11/1/2008 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Mischief Managed by Emmy9394 reviews
The story follows the lives of the Marauders, from the first time they step onto Platform 9 3/4 until the deaths of Lily and James.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 16 - Words: 20,696 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 8/8/2011 - Published: 11/20/2008 - James P., Sirius B.
The stars and the sun by IsabellaDangelo reviews
What would happen if a human from our universe ended up in the Twilight universe? What would she really think? Do? Feel? And what if our universe was the “fictional” one? New Moon continuing through BD, AU, Canon couples, Longest Twilight FF!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Family - Chapters: 104 - Words: 500,356 - Reviews: 1772 - Favs: 599 - Follows: 277 - Updated: 4/20/2011 - Published: 6/4/2009 - Complete
Define 'Family' by ladyofnite reviews
AU after fourth year. Hermione finds out her whole life as a Muggle-born was a lie and struggles with her newfound family even as the Trio has to deal with the loss of their families. Main pairing is NOT romantic.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Family - Chapters: 18 - Words: 60,463 - Reviews: 334 - Favs: 317 - Follows: 399 - Updated: 2/10/2011 - Published: 3/11/2009 - Hermione G., Severus S.
More Than They Know by Lilly Linderman reviews
Twilight Supernatural cross over after breaking dawn but where ever in supernatural I'm not good at this so just read it.
Crossover - Supernatural & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 9 - Words: 6,122 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 1/25/2011 - Published: 5/19/2009
Breaking the Fourth Wall by pandorathexplora reviews
Sam wakes up to a room full of mysterious strangers that all call him a strange name....his real one. Confused!Sam Confused!Dean Awesome!Story. Loosely based on Monster at End of Book
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,731 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 12/20/2010 - Published: 4/9/2009
RoseChristianOMG by xXFaLlEnArChAnGeLXx reviews
well Rose is having fun pissing off christian and christian takes way to far...RE-WRITEN
Vampire Academy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 9,473 - Reviews: 101 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 12/7/2010 - Published: 7/27/2009 - Rose H., Christian O. - Complete
To complete my soul: I need you by DiamondEnchantress reviews
DRACO VEELA! DMHG Draco has to convince his mate he can be trusted and also escape from his father and the dark lords sphere of influence. hermione has trust issues and when secrets are revealled about her life before Hogwarts, will it change them.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 8,322 - Reviews: 100 - Favs: 118 - Follows: 167 - Updated: 11/18/2010 - Published: 8/9/2007 - Draco M., Hermione G.
Dress Up With The Cullens by Lolabri reviews
All of the Cullens Plus Bella are playing dress up! But what happens when they go on a quest to find Stephenie Meyer? They go to Arizona of course! Edward as a Muffin? Bella as a banana? Jasper the Kung Fu master? Better watch out?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 6,018 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 10/30/2010 - Published: 1/1/2009 - Complete
Miranda by Shadow-whispers reviews
Miranda is a girl working in Galbatorix's palace as Murtagh's personal maid. When he begins to grow fond of her he takes her to see the last dragon egg. However what he doesn't antisipate is Miranda being the next rider! BASED ON THE BOOKS NOT THE FILM!OC [ON HOLD.]
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 12,298 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 8/28/2010 - Published: 1/20/2009 - Murtagh
Parachutes by reincarnatedcrazybutterfly reviews
Bella is an angel of death but she hasn't always been. She used to be someone's guardian angel – that is until, that someone turned immortal 108 years ago. A match made in heaven? Or will Death conquer all?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 37 - Words: 137,248 - Reviews: 800 - Favs: 719 - Follows: 370 - Updated: 8/17/2010 - Published: 12/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Hi nice to meet you AgainI'm Isabella Volturi by The Real Alyssa R. Cullen reviews
2 weeks before the wedding Bella finds out that Edward cheated on her.She then goes to Italy and I think we all know where she's headed.But will she find the tottaly un expected on her first day there.Then 60 years later the Cullens come for a visit.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 18,184 - Reviews: 348 - Favs: 497 - Follows: 376 - Updated: 8/5/2010 - Published: 9/13/2009 - Alec, Bella
Finding Family Once Lost by Brittany1224 reviews
SEQUEL TO WELCOME BACK JASPER: Selena, Harris, Jazz, and Bells are going to South Africa. After Selena found out that Alice was her long lost sister, she is determined to reunite. Can Bella and Jasper's love withstand the wrath of Edward and Alice? VAMPS
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 8,682 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 121 - Updated: 8/5/2010 - Published: 4/15/2009 - Bella, Jasper
Twilight Twins by Raven Jadewolfe reviews
Bella and Carlie are twins with mysterious powers.What's the fallout after they are abducted by a psychotic vampire? OOC! mostly canon pairings some OC's NOW COMPLETE! BEING INTERMITTENTLY BETA'D AS OF 9/19/10
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 42 - Words: 262,683 - Reviews: 501 - Favs: 343 - Follows: 109 - Updated: 7/29/2010 - Published: 5/30/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dark Blue by Madeline Cullen reviews
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? With blind eyes that see all, and a useless voice box. She never knew anything outside the Facility, so when she makes a messy escape and meets the Flock, what happens? Why does she look so much like Fang?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 54 - Words: 120,392 - Reviews: 562 - Favs: 175 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 7/26/2010 - Published: 3/8/2009 - Iggy - Complete
Potions with Bella by enlightened reviews
What happens when our favourite vampires attend classes at Hogwarts? Bella in a potions class is bound to be a hilarious disaster, expecially when her partner is none other than Neville Longbottom! Series of one-shots, Twilight/Harry Potter Cross-over.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 10,228 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 7/17/2010 - Published: 6/14/2008
The Amazing Adventures of Aro the Arotastic! by sassyblackfish reviews
A new reality TV series following our Arotastic friend with hidden cameras to truly discover the secrets of the Amazing Aro. Rated T for mention of grown-up stuff and whimsicality. Insanity is rational in an insane world. Permanent Hiatus.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 36 - Words: 64,278 - Reviews: 146 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 7/6/2010 - Published: 5/25/2008 - Aro
the marauders map by rumours4 reviews
How Fred and George manged to get the map in the second chapter but read the first chapter .
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 3,471 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/5/2010 - Published: 7/27/2009 - Fred W., George W.
Change me back! by iCan'tHardlyWait reviews
After hunting one day, Carlisle and Edward swap bodies. What issues shall arise in this awkward situation? All canon pairings
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,490 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 6/28/2010 - Published: 1/9/2009
Godric of Brigantia by KnoxMare reviews
Just a little OneShot between Godric and Sookie back at their rooms in the Hotel Carmilla. Where is Godric from, and why is he so mysterious? Takes place after Timebomb, but before I Will Rise Up. A little AU. K just to be sure.
True Blood - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,617 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 27 - Published: 6/3/2010 - Sookie S., Godric - Complete
Jane and Alec: The Twins of Torture by AliceWhitlock19 reviews
about Jane and Alec's life before the Volturi. *All rights go to Stephenie Meyer.*
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Fantasy - Chapters: 14 - Words: 12,555 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 5/19/2010 - Published: 1/26/2009 - Alec, Jane - Complete
Secrets of Magic by VampireDingo reviews
An ancient rider awakes from an enchanted slumber to find the land of Alagaësia in turmoil under Galbatorixs' rule.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Suspense - Chapters: 18 - Words: 21,017 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 4/28/2010 - Published: 7/29/2009 - Eragon I, Saphira - Complete
Fred Weasley, Underworld Detective by Shinoko reviews
Fred died. One would think that would be the end for him. And then he's given a second chance...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 41 - Words: 310,009 - Reviews: 133 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 4/26/2010 - Published: 7/21/2009 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
Don't Touch My Archangel by Colored Pencil Klepto reviews
Just a horrid little thing I wrote after "Hammer of the Gods." Pure , a bunch of fangirls beating up on Lucifer. Spoilers for "Hammer of the Gods." Rated T for and some pretty dirty humor. Exactly 1000 words. O o; Not planned, I assure you.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,010 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 10 - Published: 4/23/2010 - Complete
Misplaced by wee-lepricauns-Inc reviews
It's 7th Year and Hermione is Head Girl and Draco is Head Boy. A huge mistake has occured and the sorting hat reveals that Hermione is not supposed to be in Gryffindor at all... how will she survive the year?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 53,753 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 140 - Updated: 4/8/2010 - Published: 8/9/2009 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Only Human by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Complete. A wish sends Bella back in time to Chicago, 1918, and to a human Edward. This story is baby-free.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 60,635 - Reviews: 6056 - Favs: 10,444 - Follows: 2,747 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
51 Ways to Annoy Murtagh by silver-nightstorm reviews
When Mercury discovers the internet, it creates a VERY bad scenario for Murtagh... Rated for some topics in later chapters... DISCONTINUED.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 6,266 - Reviews: 100 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 6/8/2008
A New Sun by Zaiden Jace reviews
Laurent tells Bella her best friend's secret.Victoria is trying to get Bella but that doesn't stop Embry and Bella from getting close.This wasn't the best time for Jake to imprint. What's going to happen now that Alice has come back?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 30,272 - Reviews: 185 - Favs: 174 - Follows: 205 - Updated: 4/4/2010 - Published: 11/12/2008 - Bella, Embry
This is Home by Faara reviews
Movieverse. Susan can t handle beeing back in England again. She misses Narnia, and Caspian, more then ever. But when she gets hit by a car and passes out she wake up in Narnia again. But this time she s alone.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,218 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 4/1/2010 - Published: 6/10/2009 - Susan Pevensie, Caspian X - Complete
Bothering Alagaesia by Emerald Tiara reviews
Saturnina and Michelle go to Alagaesia and annoy the crap out of everyone... when two girls from 2006 meet two guys from Alagaesia, you know some crazy stuff is gonna happen.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 43 - Words: 57,985 - Reviews: 774 - Favs: 132 - Follows: 97 - Updated: 3/27/2010 - Published: 3/11/2006
Lucifer's Spawn by I-Like-Pie-Too-Dean reviews
When Dean sees something very disgusting, just what is it?
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 419 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 13 - Published: 3/24/2010 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Above and Beyond by ginnyjaffa reviews
What happens when Lily and James die and go to heaven? How do they feel about being in heaven while Harry is on earth, fighting Voldemort alone? This is the story of their afterlife, and the people who arrive over time.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 19 - Words: 77,083 - Reviews: 572 - Favs: 755 - Follows: 191 - Updated: 3/12/2010 - Published: 8/24/2009 - Lily Evans P., James P. - Complete
Nudge Ends the World! by penspunk reviews
Max gets into a rant about how Nudge is going to bring about the end of the world. Oneshot. Hilarious. Read on.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,258 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 2/24/2010 - Published: 6/2/2009 - Max, Nudge - Complete
You Know You're a Child Of by Dolphingirl32173 reviews
Just some traits the kids of different Greek Gods, Goddesses, and Titans might have to recognize their parents by. No pairings, just humor. No real order of Gods or Titans, just name them as I think of them.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,368 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/17/2010 - Complete
Enemies in Love by Petite Moineau reviews
A poem fic that evolved into a full-on fanfic about the girl who loved her enemy. MurtaghXOC
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,091 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 2/16/2010 - Published: 6/28/2009 - Murtagh
112 Masen Lane by barefootduchess reviews
Bella and Charlie move to Chicago pre-Twilight and Bella becomes fascinated with the grand old abandoned Victorian house across the street from her own. She'd be quite surprised to know the original owner is still alive... sort of. AU, Cannon pairings
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 25 - Words: 56,773 - Reviews: 395 - Favs: 340 - Follows: 182 - Updated: 2/7/2010 - Published: 4/6/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Perceiving Pigment by Emery Wright reviews
It took a girl-child to save his life and cure his heart. He had been colorblind so long and now the world unfolded before him in an array of color, taste and texture.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 12,141 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 1/24/2010 - Published: 9/2/2009 - Hermione G., Severus S.
Emmett and Bella's Adventures by Hope-Hazard reviews
A series of crazy days starring Emmett and Bella. All of them are after Breaking Dawn, unless stated otherwise.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 31,032 - Reviews: 270 - Favs: 151 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 1/16/2010 - Published: 1/2/2009 - Bella, Emmett
Meeting the Real Supernatural Experts by Harknessgirl reviews
When Edward leaves Bella, Victoria decides to come back. To save the her friends and family Bella decides to leave Forks, where she meets two men who will open her eyes even more. Canon Twilight pairings. Some Sam/Dean, mainly pre-slash.
Crossover - Supernatural & Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,916 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 1/6/2010 - Published: 4/12/2009 - Bella
Penmanship Smitten by HeyLookTheSnitch reviews
There were four things that I was incredibly certain of— 1. Prongs was a troublemaker. 2. He very well could be lying and really was a female. 3. I had no clue who he was. 4. I one hundred percent fancied the pants off the bloke.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 97,919 - Reviews: 990 - Favs: 997 - Follows: 430 - Updated: 1/4/2010 - Published: 6/17/2008 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Gym Class Woes by Stella Ann reviews
Bella and Edward are in gym class together when they discover they will be going on a field trip where Bella will be armed. But with what? And what will this fatal day bring?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12,165 - Reviews: 118 - Favs: 112 - Follows: 133 - Updated: 12/31/2009 - Published: 3/28/2007
Dumbledore's Wish by Ravensnake reviews
Set after HBP. Dumbledore's last wish was for the Golden Trio to return to Hogwarts for their last year. Hermione is made Head Girl, and as such, must display role model behavior, even if it's cooperating with a sworn enemy. T for safety. HG/DM : R&R plz
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 76,154 - Reviews: 193 - Favs: 287 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 12/29/2009 - Published: 8/13/2009 - [Hermione G., Draco M.] - Complete
Oliver Wood & the Reluctant Contestant by bookworm1993 reviews
Oliver Wood has gotten tricked by his team mate's on Puddlemere to be on a show much like the Bachelor in the Muggle World. He could care less about it but had signed a binding contract his so called mates tricked him into that if he failed to comply every time he got on a broom, it would disentigrated into ashes.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 39,544 - Reviews: 460 - Favs: 764 - Follows: 239 - Updated: 12/29/2009 - Published: 3/4/2009 - Hermione G., Oliver W. - Complete
Me and My Brothers by LycaWolfe reviews
Angel Winchester has dealt with Monsters, Demons, and the death of her father now she has to deal with a buding Romance, Dean going more Cuckoo, and Sam thinking he's evil. She wonders what she did wrong in a past life to deserve this! I'M BACK! ReadEnjoy
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 60 - Words: 38,271 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12/8/2009 - Published: 11/17/2009 - Complete
Back to the Future by Kari Twilight Mist reviews
A vampire with the gift to transport others through time accidentally sends Edward the vampire to his human past. T for a reason! DISCONTINUED
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 15 - Words: 12,641 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 12/6/2009 - Published: 4/10/2009 - Edward
Guarding It All by Cherette reviews
Five years after Edward left, Bella finds herself in the hands of the Volturi. The thing is, she is still human. When the Cullens visit Volterra, how will they react to finding Bella working for the Volturi? Will she accept them back into her life? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 44 - Words: 177,960 - Reviews: 2871 - Favs: 1,237 - Follows: 933 - Updated: 11/24/2009 - Published: 10/21/2008 - Bella, Edward
Thrice Defied by Rae Kelly reviews
Snape's last request was for Harry to listen to Lucius Malfoy and to trust him...but what Lucius has to say will change his life forever. AU. Post DH.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 41 - Words: 53,403 - Reviews: 981 - Favs: 615 - Follows: 308 - Updated: 11/20/2009 - Published: 5/14/2009 - Complete
It's a Magical Life by Fated Faerie reviews
Bella was planning to tell Edward the truth, but he left her. What was her secret? She’s a Witch. Heartbroken, she decides to go back to England to continue on her education at Hogwarts. But soon the Cullens come back into her life. Summary Inside. BxE
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 10 - Words: 44,335 - Reviews: 666 - Favs: 515 - Follows: 526 - Updated: 11/18/2009 - Published: 7/30/2009 - Bella
Emmett Cullen Adventures by Hannahcopter reviews
See into the mind of The Cullen Family's Brother Bear as he takes you on an adventure only Grizzly Bears could handle. All One shots! Some actually really happened! find out more inside! :
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 9,935 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 11/18/2009 - Published: 2/19/2009 - Emmett
The Portal of Time by illusionlove reviews
Sent back in time with a secret mission, Hermione Granger finds herself facing 17-year-old Tom Riddle alone. Then, unexpectedly, Hermione fell in love and must learn to listen to her own heart. [On Hiatus]
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 26,770 - Reviews: 164 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 126 - Updated: 11/18/2009 - Published: 2/14/2009 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.
daybreak by xSirenSongx reviews
Edward isn't the only one who can hear thoughts. Bella can also, but like Edward there is that one exception...him. What happens when she learns their secret? And what happens when the Cullen's find out that she already knows? A retelling of Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 26 - Words: 94,529 - Reviews: 660 - Favs: 1,408 - Follows: 515 - Updated: 11/5/2009 - Published: 5/28/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Manin! Wyrda! Hugin! by Amirea reviews
When Amiréa decides to take her fate in her hand, it starts such a chain of events nobody had dreamt of. Eragon and Arya are getting closer, the Vardens get both hope and despair, while Murtagh gets more and more desperate. And the war continues...
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 21 - Words: 53,348 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 10/25/2009 - Published: 8/30/2009 - Arya, Eragon S. - Complete
Enchanting Melody by MadDelight reviews
Bella's blood is singing, but to the wrong vampire. Bella/Alice suggestiveness. Takes place sometime between Twilight and New Moon.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 11,775 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 10/23/2009 - Published: 10/15/2009 - Alice, Bella - Complete
No Way by TwiHard24 reviews
Ah! The monkey stole my bananas!""Don't let the squirrel touch my nuts!""My wand! I thought Esme threw it away after I tried to shove it down Jasper's throat!" The Cullen's are back to school. Can Bella resist helping Emmett with his pranking? Hilarious!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,740 - Reviews: 503 - Favs: 324 - Follows: 279 - Updated: 10/12/2009 - Published: 3/7/2009 - Emmett, Bella
Stuck by liquidbanana reviews
Due to a certain humorous angel, Dean and Castiel are now stuck together.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,286 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 10/9/2009 - Published: 7/6/2009 - Dean W., Castiel
Possession is Nine Tenths by reanwood reviews
Max and Alec were always fighting about something. This time, Max decides that since she gave Alec his name, she owns him, and Alec retaliates in a somewhat… unexpected manner.
Dark Angel - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,560 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 18 - Published: 10/4/2009 - Alec, Max - Complete
Ten Ways to Die by WrtrGrl reviews
Galbatorix thought he was invinsible... but you can't think of everything... LoL, randomness ensues
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 3,787 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 9/30/2009 - Published: 3/31/2009 - King Galbatorix - Complete
Ferret and Mudblood by Wings-Of-Water reviews
Ron's a pig, Draco's a git and Harrys just wierd....What's Hermione to do? Non-graphic snogging eventually...Dramione YAY This is my first fanfic, so pls read and review and be nice...thanks
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,644 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 9/28/2009 - Published: 7/4/2009 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Believing is Seeing by Lord Rebecca-sama reviews
The Cullens go to Hogwarts and the Volturi have teamed up with Death Eaters in their quest to recruit the Cullens. The Trio and Draco repeat their 7th year and aid the Cullens. DISCONTINUED.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Family - Chapters: 20 - Words: 56,873 - Reviews: 408 - Favs: 173 - Follows: 195 - Updated: 9/27/2009 - Published: 4/12/2008 - Bella - Complete
The Dinner by Fifa reviews
Eragon and Islanzadí do NOT get along...
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Family - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,150 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 9/27/2009 - Published: 9/18/2009 - Eragon S., Islanzadí
Because I love you by Raven-Skype reviews
OC, why is murtagh always the good guy? sure he's hot, but hey, he's not hercules. here's a poem about the only girl who didn't think the sun shone out of his ass. well, most of the time.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 139 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 5 - Published: 9/26/2009 - Murtagh - Complete
Two Worlds:One Future by TonksTwilight reviews
CHAPTER 10 IS UP! After Edward left Bella in New Moon, Bella goes back to Hogwarts where she sees some familiar faces. When the Volturi and and the Dark Lord join forces, Hogwarts is in danger. This is an E/B Draco/OC story.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 4,459 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 125 - Follows: 156 - Updated: 9/26/2009 - Published: 6/30/2009 - Draco M., Bella
Blood Moon Rising by Kate Mac reviews
What happens when Edward really left Bella for Alice, and they all abodoned Jasper. He stayed behind to claim his true mate. How will things go ? Far different than you can imagine. Yes they will be together... And they will be real Vampires.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 56,108 - Reviews: 198 - Favs: 291 - Follows: 206 - Updated: 9/26/2009 - Published: 5/16/2009 - Jasper, Bella
Ice Witch by Emerald Tiara reviews
Miranda grew up in secret from the world. Finally escaping, she struggles to overcome the legacy left by her father, Galbatorix, as she travels Alagaesia, makes friends and enemies, and is caught up in a fierce and deadly war.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 14,596 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 9/25/2009 - Published: 9/29/2006
Decode by WanderingGrad reviews
An undying love between Rowena Ravenclaw and Salazar Slytherin leads to something much more and Hermione is about to find out. Tom/Hermione
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 11,240 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 150 - Follows: 207 - Updated: 9/20/2009 - Published: 11/16/2008 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.
Hunter's Grace by elusivemuse reviews
Charis Winchester gives up her life as a nurse to help her brothers hunt. When Dean goes to Hell, Charis and Sam find their lives spinning out of control and when Dean returns, they find themselves faced with a war to fight and an angel on their shoulder
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 8 - Words: 25,926 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 9/16/2009 - Published: 7/6/2009 - Castiel, Dean W.
Health Class 101 With the Cullens by Akako Akina reviews
Bella and Edward have left for college, leaving the 4 Cullen siblings in health class...together...When Mr. Molina starts a brand new baby program...Uh Oh! Rated T just in case, latter chapters.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,564 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 9/7/2009 - Published: 6/12/2009
Passing the Torch by ScribbleWorld reviews
Fred and George Weasley are in their fifth year at Hogwarts, and have decided it is time to pass on a certain trouble-inducing map. Unknown to them, a Marauder/DADA Professor is listening in... George POV, Oneshot
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,821 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 14 - Published: 9/7/2009 - George W., Remus L. - Complete
The Heart of Things by FicklePen reviews
A romantic drabble series based on Hermione Granger and Severus Snape’s relationship post-war. DH compliant but EWE.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 4,276 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 9/5/2009 - Published: 3/15/2009 - Hermione G., Severus S.
The Art of Slytherin Napping by Sara's Girl reviews
Draco is rubbish at sleeping. Sort of. Foundations!verse, utter fluff. Short oneshot. HPDM slash.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,760 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 447 - Follows: 48 - Published: 9/4/2009 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
The Hybrid Witch by WorthMeltingFor reviews
Renesmee takes on the path of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and finds a whole other life at Hogwarts. Romances bloom, danger arises, dark evil returns again. Where is her true home? Rated T for language.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 8 - Words: 18,306 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 9/3/2009 - Published: 7/30/2009 - Teddy L., Renesmee C./Nessie
The Fight by AntoinetteD reviews
Harry and Draco have a fight that could end their relationships. Can pansy and Hermione show their bestfriends how much they love each other before its too late? HP/DM Light slash.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,412 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 9 - Published: 9/2/2009 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
The Secret Keeper by A. E. Giggle reviews
When Bella is alerted to dangerous events unfolding at her old school, Hogwarts, she has no choice but to inform the Cullens of her true, magical identity. To put it simply ... she's a Witch. AU, OOC.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 51,058 - Reviews: 438 - Favs: 1,276 - Follows: 368 - Updated: 9/1/2009 - Published: 7/24/2009 - Complete
Fred and George at the Ministry by EternalEarth reviews
15-year old Fred and George are sent on Work Experience for two weeks to the Ministry,in the hopes of them taking education more seriously.Will they embrace the opportunity or cause havoc? Read to find out...Now completed.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 16,848 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 8/30/2009 - Published: 6/2/2009 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
Could it be love? by Meagan Malfoy reviews
Dumbledore gets a crazy idea.. Hermione meets Draco in a library.. H/D a lot of mixed feelings between the two as the story progresses.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 15,020 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 8/28/2009 - Published: 12/6/2001 - Draco M., Hermione G.
The Mystery of the WellKnown by Selyss reviews
An accident or fate? A family legeng or the biggest secret of the wizarding world? A miracle or the truth revealed? And how will Hermione face Riddle in his own times? All alone, with no friends or allies. Or not? Is she in danger or deadly? Well?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 9 - Words: 40,837 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 8/25/2009 - Published: 12/28/2008 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.
The Game's Afoot by Fox Murphy reviews
Feet pounded on the stone floor, sharp rhythm matching the harsh, panted breaths that belonged to the two teenage boys racing down the corridor. Another spell arched toward them, and Remus sincerely wished Sirius had just stayed in the common room.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 25,789 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 8/25/2009 - Published: 8/15/2009 - Remus L., Sirius B. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Godfather that Lived by KappaIota reviews
Sirius is acquitted when Peter is not allowed to escape. He fulfills his promise to give Harry a home. However, Harry has never had a father and Sirius may be in over his head. Later chapters will contain strong language and discipline of a teen.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 22 - Words: 103,029 - Reviews: 381 - Favs: 730 - Follows: 330 - Updated: 8/23/2009 - Published: 7/5/2009 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
Your Heart's Desire by Musings of a Writer reviews
Fred and George are wandering around the corridors at Hogwarts one day when they make a very interesting discovery...
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,201 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/23/2009 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
Closet Raid by figlia di Atena reviews
When Edward goes out hunting, Bella, Alice, and Rosalie decide to see what Edward is hiding in his closet.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,868 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 8/23/2009 - Published: 7/7/2008
Code Cracking for Gryffindors by Sara's Girl reviews
Harry should know better than to conceal mysterious body art from dorm-mates who pay no heed to what happened to the cat. Oneshot. AU, 7th year fluffy!verse. Cracky. HPDM.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,483 - Reviews: 317 - Favs: 2,134 - Follows: 332 - Published: 8/22/2009 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Impossible by vuarapuung reviews
What if Snape had a little surprise for Harry at the end of Half-Blood Prince?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,007 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/22/2009 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Brown vs Silver by PlanetPisano reviews
Hermione is appointed Head Girl and Draco is Head Boy. Living in the same tower brings them closer. But this relationship goes through many struggles. D/H rated T for language
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,154 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 8/17/2009 - Published: 8/7/2009 - Draco M., Hermione G.
A Sunlit Aperture by Loonystar reviews
When a sudden upset Hermione Granger runs away from her house table, the Slytherin prince is curious to what could ever bother her. Could Draco make things worse? Or possibly turn Hermione's thoughts around and make everything better?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 46,465 - Reviews: 393 - Favs: 265 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 8/15/2009 - Published: 7/7/2009 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete
The Magician Games by lady-in-spain reviews
Now, I knew I had been right. There was no ounce of happiness left to consume. Nothing could fix the state I was in. Nothing would save me. Nothing would save this world. Utter destruction was coming, and the Magician Games was only the start.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 21,683 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 8/14/2009 - Published: 7/26/2009 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Face Full of Snow by Runey9 reviews
The Weasley twins realize the consequences of one of their pranks. Takes place the summer before CoS. This is something I realized while reading the first book out loud to a friend of mine, and it made me laugh.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 340 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/11/2009 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
25 things at hogwarts by girl.next.door1009 reviews
Lists of 25 things people aren't allowed to do at hogwarts. Starting with Fred and George, but if you want more or oneshots to go with them, tell me.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 947 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 9 - Updated: 8/10/2009 - Published: 8/9/2009 - Fred W., George W.
The troublesome two meet Emmett Cullen by thetonksyteddy reviews
Fred and George Weasley are in for excitement!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,191 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 8 - Published: 8/6/2009 - Fred W., George W.
Bean Stalker by Ophium reviews
Chuck's books mustered a good number of fans. One of them turned out to be the wrong kind of fan. When an obsessed woman finds out that Sam and Dean are real, the consequences for one of them are anything but nice. 'Misery' style. Complete.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 53,555 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 8/5/2009 - Published: 6/1/2009 - Dean W. - Complete
I Know You're Going To Hate Me by SwailaThorneBaflow reviews
A dangerous creature of night and music, searching for a fleeting sense of self on this seemingly endless, dark road.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 32,317 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 8/1/2009 - Published: 1/29/2009 - Rowena R., Salazar S.
Never Died by xxxsalie reviews
After the battle ended Harry set off to find Ron and Hermione. On his way, he noticed someone inside an empty classroom... Fred,George SLASH!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,904 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 18 - Published: 7/31/2009 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
What's A Period by OMG My Library's On Fire reviews
Mike and Tyler in a Math's class
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 433 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 7/30/2009 - Published: 3/20/2009 - Mike, Tyler - Complete
Cullen Family Camping Trip by LeesaM reviews
Charlie insists Bella go camping with the Cullens in order to acclimate herself with the great outdoors. After all, the Cullens are practically revered in town for their family camping trips, so they must know what they're doing, right? *Post Eclipse
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 33,754 - Reviews: 605 - Favs: 872 - Follows: 247 - Updated: 7/28/2009 - Published: 12/27/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Never Ever Tell by tic tac toe 03 reviews
On the day they leave Hogwarts Fred and George Weasley compose a list called Never Ever Tell.......... Please Read and Review. Disclaimer: I own nothing everthing belongs to JK Rowling
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 3,745 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 7/25/2009 - Published: 10/22/2008 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
Things I'm Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts by Thr girlzzzz reviews
It's the twins last year and they decide to do everything they can to bother their Professors. When they make a list of the things they will do and with they help of their girlfriends they will make it a year to remember.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,649 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/23/2009 - Fred W., George W.
Of Cupboards and Slytherin by ElMangoTango reviews
Founders Era. Fanfiction Fanfiction. For my long-lost. Love lots xxx. "Well, hello Rowena. I thought it might be you. You always pop up when I’m hiding in a cupboard. What is this, the fourth cupboard rendezvous we’ve had in the past half-decade?"
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,971 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/22/2009 - Salazar S., Rowena R. - Complete
Noises or You Shouldn't Believe What You Hear by hell.bent.wings reviews
“Go deeper! Yes, right there!” Ginny’s brown eyes widened as she processed the fact that her brother George was in the boy’s washroom at midnight with Fred and they were making unbelievable sounds. God,she was going to need some extensive therapy.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 880 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/15/2009 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
Hacked and 'Stolen' By Alice by hoot13 reviews
There's a file on everyone, everywhere. But what happens when Alice decides to hack into the system and steals but also alters the files? 'ALICE! You evil, evil, bad, bad, Pixie'
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,510 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 7/14/2009 - Published: 6/6/2009
Orange is the Anti–angst by Silver pup reviews
One shot — Murtagh broods and mourns over his tragic fate. Or at least tries to. If only Eragon would stop interrupting him…
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 714 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 9 - Published: 7/12/2009 - Eragon S., Murtagh - Complete
Cheating at the Future by XXCrazylySaneXX reviews
first fic.As murtagh grows up he discovered a secret ability, and tries to master it;suck at summaries R&R please. Rating may change.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 9 - Words: 6,344 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/8/2009 - Published: 3/28/2009 - Murtagh
Everything I Learn In Life… by Jay Winchester reviews
…I Learn It from the Winchesters. - Very simple statements that you should learn about life, hunting and about our boys! Totally Crack!Fic!
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,480 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/4/2009 - Published: 7/2/2009 - Dean W., Sam W.
Fred receives a howler by chcheers reviews
Fred Weasley recieve a howler one morning. What it says and who sent it? You'll have to read to find out. Oneshot. An idea I came up with years ago and only just wrote down.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 498 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 8 - Published: 7/4/2009 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
I Am The Night by Oku Moku reviews
Dean thinks he's Batman, Castiel is confused, and Sam stages an intervention. Crack!fic, written for a prompt at comment fic on LJ.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 742 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Published: 7/3/2009 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
The Glamour of Humanity by M. D. Jensen reviews
Castiel tries his hand at eating. Naturally, it does not go well. Cas/Dean friendship. Probably could be rated K but I guess it could turn your stomach if you have a weak one. Castiel's perspective added July 3!
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,881 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 7/3/2009 - Published: 6/27/2009 - Castiel, Dean W. - Complete
An Unexpected Romance by Mishelledor23 reviews
For JuliaAurelia, Dean is tired of Anna constantly hitting on him, so he and Sam attempt to direct her attention to someone else. Not that easy, it turns out. Warnings: Silly, some OOCness and some light Anna bashing
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,005 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 6/28/2009 - Published: 6/22/2009 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Big Brother : The Cullen Season by Amanda Hazel reviews
Co-writen with Tilted-halo, this story will have you grabbing your desk to try to stop yourself from falling on the floor laughing. Join the cullens as a prank lands them in the notorious Big Brother house! Remember to Expect the unexpected! R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 15,030 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 3/10/2009 - Alice, Edward
Carry On Wayward Son by Loki's-Phantom-x reviews
Sam comes back to the motel room and gets the shock of his life, which involves drunk!Castiel, drunk!Dean and a karaoke machine. Dean/Castiel, rated T, for safety. R & R, x
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,550 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 6/26/2009 - Published: 6/12/2009 - Castiel, Dean W. - Complete
The Asylum by Brittz303 reviews
Alice, Jasper, Bella and Edward go to the Asylum in Biloxi, Mississippi to find out about Alice's past. What happens when they run into Sam and Dean who happen to be there on a hunt? Is it a coincidence or something more?
Crossover - Supernatural & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,472 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 138 - Follows: 188 - Updated: 6/21/2009 - Published: 4/14/2009 - Dean W., Bella
Documentary by magnolia-bunny reviews
While bonding with Charlie over an animal documentary, Bella finds a new nickname for Edward, or just all vampires in general. Oneshot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,463 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/21/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Paper Birds by Whylite reviews
The moment Hermione enter potions class she could feel someones eyes upon her. "Stop it!" she hissed, but he only stared back at her blankly, an odd smile on his lips. B&H
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 18,126 - Reviews: 100 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 6/20/2009 - Published: 11/12/2008 - Hermione G., Blaise Z.
Feel Good Drag by Alex Asylum reviews
New title. This is my first fanfic, set in the time of New Moon. It is also a Supernatural/Twilight crossover. Bella joins a band with the pack and one night meets the dangerous and sexy Dean Winchester. Not B/E. R&R, flames welcome.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 14,281 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 6/19/2009 - Published: 11/2/2008 - Bella
In Which the Screen is Blurry by sparrowlove reviews
Post-Apocalypse, Dean/Cas established relationship or as close as it gets Sam is completely on board with it ; the three of them go to a drive-in to see My Bloody Valentine.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 743 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 5 - Published: 6/17/2009 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
Like It's Impossible to Fly by lil-rock14 reviews
Dean rolled his eyes. He stood up and headed toward the door. He opened the door and was surprised to see Castiel standing on the other side. “Since when do you knock?”
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,967 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 6/16/2009 - Published: 4/21/2009 - Dean W., Castiel
Getting Even by kmihara reviews
Tired of getting dragged around by Castiel Dean comes up with a way to get Even.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,189 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/14/2009 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
Vacation, I really need a Vacation by Eediva reviews
Where was God through out season 4? Spoilers for season 4. sequel to Beloved of God, but you don’t really need to read BOG that much, I’d just like it if you do… CRACK! BLASPHEMY!
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,236 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 6 - Published: 6/7/2009 - Castiel, Dean W. - Complete
Events of the Cullens by fairyfloss101 reviews
Edward leaves Bella for someone else, who is it? Can they become friends again? Jasper saves Bella from emotional breakdown, but it turn into something more.What crazy things can the Cullens get up to? How can Carlisle and Esme get them out of trouble?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 15,032 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 6/7/2009 - Published: 5/29/2009 - Bella, Jasper
My Sweet angel by XxMidnightMoonxX reviews
Bella i need you" he said with nothing but confusion and anger in his eyes "i know" I sighed"but you broke my heart Edward, and i cant let that happen again besides i love him not you, Good-Bye" B/J Eventually untill then B/E
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 10 - Words: 6,536 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 6/6/2009 - Published: 2/27/2009 - Jasper, Bella
Soothing Comfort For The Soul by Shadow Of Castiel reviews
Castiel comes to offer Dean comfort when Dean is ill with flu, and ends up getting comfort himself. Dean/Castiel
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,498 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 6 - Published: 6/6/2009 - Castiel, Dean W. - Complete
Sam and Uriel Make A Bet by Lassroyale reviews
am and Uriel make a bet to see who has the best stamina: Dean or Castiel. Things get intense. There could be eye-sex. (**NOTE** Story has been UPDATED as of 3/11/13: Edited and tweaked from its original form, for blatant epithet abuse and flow.)
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 764 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/4/2009 - Castiel, Dean W. - Complete
A Veela Oh No by soccer-vampire-girl reviews
Hermione and Draco are starting their 6th year at Hogwarts as the Heads, they will be sharring a common room! What kind of trouble can they get into when ones a Veela and has a mate? Read to find out! Draomine Veela fic!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,335 - Reviews: 143 - Favs: 193 - Follows: 261 - Updated: 6/3/2009 - Published: 10/25/2008 - Hermione G., Draco M.
For The Love Of A Bacon Cheeseburger by Loki's-Phantom-x reviews
Dean decides it’s time that Castiel was introduced to the wonder that was a bacon cheeseburger. Dialogue only. Dean/Cas implied. Small name spoiler if you haven’t seen ‘The Rapture’
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 584 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 6 - Published: 6/3/2009 - Castiel, Dean W. - Complete
Beloved of God by Eediva reviews
Castiel's Creation
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 956 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 148 - Follows: 19 - Published: 6/3/2009 - Castiel, Michael - Complete
Time Travel Sucks by Eediva reviews
crack. Castiel isn’t that great with time travel when God isn’t helping.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 390 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 7 - Published: 6/2/2009 - Castiel, Dean W. - Complete
sam the cat by TuckersSweetheart reviews
sam turns into a cat.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 148 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/1/2009 - Dean W., Castiel
Desperate Measures by Ptrst reviews
The BoyWhoLived lives no more. Going against the Prophecy and the law, Hermione goes back 54 turns on the Time Turner to change what happened and possibly save the world. IN-PROGRESS
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 31,826 - Reviews: 406 - Favs: 187 - Follows: 242 - Updated: 5/31/2009 - Published: 12/4/2004 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.
To Whom It May Concern by Ele84 reviews
Set after the season 4 finale. Dean is praying. Sort of. No Pairing, rated T just to be sure.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,615 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Published: 5/29/2009 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
Tripping on Angel Dust by RealGuitarHero93 reviews
*singing* i was gonna prevent the apocalypse untill i got high! basically what i just sang. castiel's a bit incapacitated. lol i own nothing *shifty eyes*
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,083 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 17 - Published: 5/27/2009 - Castiel, Dean W. - Complete
Rivalry by Mummyluvr reviews
When Cas gets drunk, he vents about his family to someone who can understand annoying little brothers. Even if Dean’s and Castiel’s happen to be the exact opposite of each other.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,137 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 148 - Follows: 18 - Published: 5/26/2009 - Castiel, Dean W. - Complete
Edward the Prankster by Char.loves.to.write reviews
Edward Cullen has a little pranking streak in him that none of us knew about...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 13 - Words: 10,966 - Reviews: 113 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 5/23/2009 - Published: 5/26/2008
Teaching the king a lesson by E-J99 reviews
Somebody is angry at Galbatorix and for good reason. Has Galbatorix found his match? It's crazy It's random. A way to empty my mind! So read enjoy and review!
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,317 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/23/2009 - King Galbatorix - Complete
Books of Death: Eragon by girl4christ1092 reviews
Heather made a deal with Death allowing her to enter into the worlds of her favorite books. But is it what she always wanted?
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 19 - Words: 18,424 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 5/21/2009 - Published: 1/28/2009 - Eragon S., Saphira
Touched By An Angel by fiorae reviews
Dean has a conversation with Sam about how violated he feels by Castiel's odd, angelic touching. Dean/Castiel randomness.
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 441 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 10 - Published: 5/20/2009 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
You Won't Forget Me by StuffRocksInnit reviews
Katrina has been left to rot in a dark, dank cell in The Helgrind. At least, that's what she thinks, until a young dragon rider arrives to take her to the palace...Is he what he seems? And, of all things, could she have feelings for him?
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,786 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 5/20/2009 - Published: 6/5/2008 - Murtagh, Katrina - Complete
Of Manservants and Their Scarfs by once and future appleheart reviews
Arthur wonders exactly how attached Merlin is to his neckerchief, and decides to try a little experiment to find out. Brief oneshot.
Merlin - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 490 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 135 - Follows: 23 - Published: 5/18/2009 - Arthur, Merlin
The Painted Turtle of Healing by Daylight reviews
Castiel tries to deliver a message at three in the morning and there is much confusion.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 500 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 426 - Follows: 33 - Published: 5/17/2009 - Castiel, Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Water Bottles and Angels by writergirl94 reviews
E/O Drabble Challenge of the week. Challenge word: 'sheet'. Castiel needs to learn how to knock, especially when it's three in the morning.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 148 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 16 - Published: 5/17/2009 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
Cullens Exposed: Twilight Style by smileyfriees reviews
What would happen if the Cullens went to see Twilight the movie and were recongnized? This is our take on that. All Cullens Jake Post Breaking Dawn R/R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,390 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 5/17/2009 - Published: 11/22/2008 - Bella, Edward
Emmett Annoys Lord Voldemort by Jessikinz reviews
Okay, so, we know that Emmett is one Mischievous vampire, well, what happens when he finds a list of ways to annoy Lord Voldemort? Read and find out. Chapters probably won't be long, cuz, this is just 'fun way to pass the time' story.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,126 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 5/15/2009 - Published: 5/8/2009 - Voldemort, Emmett
The Lion, the Witch and the Emmett by leopardspotz17 reviews
It’s moving day for the Cullens, and Emmett decides to take a look around the new house. Chaos is unleashed when he finds a way into Narnia.
Crossover - Chronicles of Narnia & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,547 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 5/4/2009 - Published: 3/31/2009 - Emmett
What IS that smell? by JustOnePogostick reviews
What is that smell and where is it coming from? And why is Esme googling boarding schools? Ah, it must be that time of year again: Summer Vacation. Three glorious months of fewer cloudy days, cabin fever, and much mayhem. Poor Esme.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,034 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 5/3/2009 - Published: 4/25/2009 - Emmett
Two men and an angel are sitting at a bar by Dark Austral reviews
What happens when alcohol, Franklin's "Chain of Fools", hunters and angels all collide in a small bar? Blame the movie "Michael" for this one-shot.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,704 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/29/2009 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
Unexpected Lover by colortheskiesblue reviews
Traveling back to time isn't as easy as it is... Hermione soon finds out that she needed to pick.. friends or her unexpected lover?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,016 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 4/28/2009 - Published: 4/27/2009 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.
Post Mortem by don't-look-for-me5 reviews
One-shot. After Brom's death he finds himself conversing with two loved ones he had not talked to in a very long time about his son and his sons brother. Brisngr spoilers. Please review.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 815 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 20 - Published: 4/27/2009 - Brom, Saphira I - Complete
Never Broken by FallingInLoveAllOverAgain reviews
Murtagh shares a moment with his love. MurtaghOC This takes place after the war, and the world is living is peace. Disclaimer: I do not own the Inheritance Cycle. One-shot is SO much better than the summary..if you call that 7 word sentence a summary :
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,791 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/23/2009 - Murtagh - Complete
The Still Beat by Anlynne reviews
What if you learned that the person you thought was your soul mate was only a path to his brother?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 48,537 - Reviews: 391 - Favs: 598 - Follows: 269 - Updated: 4/18/2009 - Published: 3/12/2009 - Jasper, Bella - Complete
Maria Returns by Eimin - The Eternal Sleep reviews
Does what it says on the can. Maria discovers where Jasper is and decides to try to force him to come back by kidnapping the one thing he cares about, Alice! JxA obviously... R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 18 - Words: 12,861 - Reviews: 145 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 4/18/2009 - Published: 2/2/2009 - Jasper, Alice - Complete
End of Book 4 theory by Kallypso reviews
Wrote this awhile ago, so read at your own risk. Only up here for archive purposes. Me and my friends were bored and we think we've figured out how book 4 will end. Warning: Incredibly random! If you think we are weird... well we are. Enjoy and please comment and tell me what you think!
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 500 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/17/2009 - Eragon S., King Galbatorix - Complete
WifeSwap Vampire Edition by ipoked-KiraandEdward-andlived reviews
Ok so Emmett has an idea to do wife swap because it's summer and he's bored lol I'm crap at summarys sorry. Erm its set after Eclipse and before Breaking Dawn
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 34 - Words: 15,857 - Reviews: 267 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 4/12/2009 - Published: 1/2/2009 - Complete
Shadebusters! by The Green Pilgrim reviews
Eragon has a business proposition for Arya...
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,432 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 13 - Published: 4/11/2009 - Eragon S., Arya - Complete
The Wrath of Emmett by Lady-0-Twilight reviews
What happens when Emmett is in the mood for pranking? How will he make even the bravest of the Cullens curse and scream? And will he prank Bella? Will the others think up a prank for Emmett? Read to see what happens! Rubbish summary, the story is better!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 10 - Words: 7,670 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 4/8/2009 - Published: 2/25/2009 - Emmett, Bella - Complete
Trading Spouses Vamp Style by EdwardLuvr22 reviews
Lovely Esme doesn't bet right? Emmett decides to change that. What would happen if this bet landed the entire Cullen family into a popular TV show known as Trading Spouses? Well let's find out...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 85,550 - Reviews: 871 - Favs: 233 - Follows: 245 - Updated: 4/5/2009 - Published: 7/8/2008
Blighty Blunders by Lion.Lovin.Lamb reviews
Carlisle's had another of one of his not so brilliant ideas.This time the Cullens are off to vacation in Britain. Expect madness, randomness, hyperness & overall fun.With appearances from Harry Potter, Sir Alan Sugar, Dr who, Rob Pattinson & so many more!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,589 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 4/4/2009 - Published: 4/3/2009
Snack Shack by Midnight Memories reviews
Something dangerous and mysterious attempts to swipe at the Volturi leader... wait... "Is that a sheep?"
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,222 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/3/2009 - Aro, Marcus - Complete
The Daily Life of the King by brandfarliga reviews
Ever wanted to know how Galbatorix lived his life? How does he answer mail, eat dinner, interact with people amongst other things? All these questions can be answered by reading this wonderful work of fiction. :D
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,752 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 3/31/2009 - Published: 3/23/2009 - King Galbatorix
Revenge Of The Girls by MagicByMerlin reviews
Arthur is very unappreciative of Morgana and Gwen's stew and the girls decide a little revenge is in order... BEWARE, contains a partially naked Arthur.
Merlin - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,196 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/30/2009 - Arthur - Complete
The Irrevocable by Prismaa reviews
A nosy reporter has filmed some of the Volturi’s less human activities. He tries to get more information but is killed, the footage is aired, vampires are exposed and the Volturi falls apart leaving the world in chaos. Mostly B Pov. T for safety’s sake
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,154 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 3/29/2009 - Published: 3/27/2009
Wreckage by Zemera reviews
Oneshot. Sam crashes the Impala and breaks the news to Dean, short but hopefuly sweet. Rated T for language.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 192 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/21/2009 - Sam W., Dean W. - Complete
Supernatural by Scouse reviews
My thumb searched desperately for the ‘off’ button on the remote in my hand before she could see, but I was a fraction of a second too late…” - Bella remembers a guilty pleasure from her human life and before you know it they're all addicted!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,915 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 3/21/2009 - Published: 3/9/2009 - Bella, Edward
Jazz and Em go to the Supermarket by Still-Obsessed reviews
Bella is pregnant and has a lot of wierd cravings. Jasper and Emmett are all helpful and sweet when they tell her that they’ll go buy all the food she wants for her. Problem is: they had no idea there would be so many kinds of food! COMPLETE! Yay!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 13,831 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 124 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 3/21/2009 - Published: 1/26/2009 - Jasper, Emmett - Complete
Vampires in the Hunger Games by daydreamingxxx reviews
What would the Cullens do if entered into the Hunger Games? Read to find out. Please review
Hunger Games - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 284 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 5 - Published: 3/20/2009 - Complete
Waíse Heill by The Adventures of T and B reviews
Two young woman read the Eragon book and find themselves whisked into the world and the adventures of the story. They find that they may be more connected than has ever happened before
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 79,735 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 3/14/2009 - Published: 6/6/2007 - Complete
IceCream by Frappuccin0 m0nkey reviews
Bella is a vampire why the hell does she want ice-cream?
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 207 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/9/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Plan B by Isabella120 reviews
When everything else has failed Dumbledore sends Hermione Granger on the ultimate mission, Plan B. Disguised as Rosalie Robberts, a transfer student from America's Hathaway Acadamey, Hermione must change the past to change the fate of the wizarding world.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 11,767 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 3/7/2009 - Published: 1/13/2009 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.
Future Foe Scenarios by ideophobic reviews
When the Dark wins and two thirds of the Golden Trio are dead, Hermione is pulled back in time to when Tom Riddle is hunting for a young girl with curly hair and caramel eyes. He thinks she is to be his Dark Lady, not knowing who or what she is. Discontinued because I wrote this when I was twelve and that should explain everything.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,933 - Reviews: 164 - Favs: 251 - Follows: 337 - Updated: 3/2/2009 - Published: 11/1/2008 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.
The Worst Day of Jasper's Immorality by fadedloveletters941 reviews
Jasper has a really bad day. He uses hair removal cream in his hair, he's forced to go to depression group sessions and is made fun of by many people. extremely funny. Read and Review.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,889 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/19/2009 - Jasper, Edward
Love Is A Funny Thing by FuglyJiminyCricket reviews
Crossover with SPN, no prior knowledge required although it will help. Bella and Edward are perfectly happy and soon to be married then somebody from Bella's past comes back and things change. AU Set after Eclipse Twilight and after Lazarus Rising SPN
Crossover - Supernatural & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12,410 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 300 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 2/19/2009 - Published: 2/12/2009 - Sam W., Bella - Complete
Blue Blood by barney-mugger reviews
It's been 80 years since the Cullens stood against the Volturi, and won. But the Volturi don't forget easily and will return..but is it time the vampire world had a new 'royal' family?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,899 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 2/12/2009 - Published: 1/12/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Burning Tent by StuffRocksInnit reviews
Roran's tent has been set on fire. Who could have done such a terrible crime? Murtagh knows...and he's going to share it with you...Very AU and OOC, hopefully funny.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,802 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/8/2009 - Murtagh, Eragon S. - Complete
Changing by Chocolate Chip Cookie reviews
He'd destroyed everything she'd loved in her life; her friends, her family, her home, everything. She knew that somehow, she'd have to go back in time and change the future, even if she'd never be able to come back. She'd change him. ON HIATUS.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 28,466 - Reviews: 136 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 99 - Updated: 2/1/2009 - Published: 5/4/2008 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.
Saphira refuses to fight by LoveIchigo reviews
Saphira decides she has had enough and chains herself to a tree. Humor hopefully ensues....Read and Review!
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 682 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/31/2009 - Saphira, Eragon S. - Complete
The New Angel by QueenReggie reviews
Castiel introduces Dean to a new angel. The new angel is different to Castiel and there is a mystery surrounding Castiel and the new angel.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,966 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1/31/2009 - Published: 11/16/2008
Wife Swap by AlicexWonderland reviews
Alice decides one day it will be "fun" if she signs the cullens up for wife swap. The TV show where you... well... swap your wifes with another families wife.... Who will they get paired with?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,094 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 45 - Published: 1/16/2009
Mothering Class by teamedward240 reviews
The Cullens must do a project for health class. It involves three hormonal girls, three fake pregnacy bellies and three mechanical babies. Humor in future chapters.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 5,467 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 1/16/2009 - Published: 8/16/2008
Huddling for Warmth by netgirly2k reviews
“If they find us like this I will haunt all of you throughout the afterlife.”
Merlin - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 438 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 7 - Published: 1/12/2009 - Complete
You Held the World by netgirly2k reviews
Merlin, I order you to throw food at Morgana
Merlin - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,090 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 24 - Published: 1/9/2009 - Complete
A Riders Tale by Adurna Eldrvarya reviews
Follow the story of a girl named Ariana on her path to becoming a rider. Please r&r
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,075 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 1/5/2009 - Published: 8/28/2008 - Murtagh
Dean VS Castiel's Trenchcoat by JeffersonStarship reviews
This story follows Dean on his quest to rid Castiel of his own trenchcoat ....
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 593 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 4 - Published: 1/4/2009 - Castiel, Dean W. - Complete
After It Rains by pot kettle black reviews
Hermione and Draco accidentally fall back in time while escaping a Death Eater initiation. In the future, Hogwarts is invaded by Voldemort for its own good? Features personable Slytherins, too much plotting, HGTR, DMHG, comedy, drama, and boyBlaise fun
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 23 - Words: 97,596 - Reviews: 245 - Favs: 168 - Follows: 138 - Updated: 1/3/2009 - Published: 7/21/2004 - Tom R. Jr., Hermione G.
Hush by Drowned Hopes reviews
The day she found out, she calmly excused herself, went up to her rooms, and threw the nearest chair through a window. Nasuada x Murtagh.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,875 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 20 - Published: 12/28/2008 - Murtagh, Nasuada - Complete
Joakes on you by MizzAliceCullen reviews
Emmettes Joakes unleashed!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 443 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/27/2008 - Emmett, Rosalie
Movie Madness by Soccerdog12 reviews
Bella and the Cullens have a movie night! But some of the characters seem oddly familiar...
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,511 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 12/10/2008 - Published: 6/6/2008 - Bella
Waiting For Dawn by Magick reviews
And there was nothing but blood, and breath, and time…" When two people have nothing left to desire, when they have lost the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes it takes another person to relight that candle. TomHermione, TRHG. COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 38,311 - Reviews: 342 - Favs: 426 - Follows: 134 - Updated: 12/10/2008 - Published: 8/25/2007 - Tom R. Jr., Hermione G. - Complete
Drunk Bella,Dust Bunnies,and Jasmettisle's by Carlisle'sPetiteDefenseur reviews
Bella gets drunk because of Emmett. Hilarity ensues and strange things happen. R&R? :
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,482 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 13 - Published: 12/1/2008 - Complete
Alice gone Emo? by LovingCullens333 reviews
Alice and Bella go shopping. What could possibly happen?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,549 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 6 - Published: 11/9/2008
Bella passes her history sa by Jo's Crab Shack reviews
bella needs help on her civil war paper. hpw better to ask then some one how was in the war. this is a bad story i have no talent in writing but i was really bord but pleas read & revewi just to be nice
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 466 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/8/2008 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
Babysitting Bella by GoldenEyes4 reviews
What will happen when Emmett and Jasper are left to watch over Bella when the Cullen's go on a four day hunting trip? Only a hilarious disaster that will cause them to be chased and hunted down.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 34,750 - Reviews: 642 - Favs: 386 - Follows: 181 - Updated: 11/5/2008 - Published: 8/19/2008 - Complete
The Scales Have Changed by nutshak reviews
In which Eragon attempts to explain to Saphira the meaning of the expression: The Scales Have Changed.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 375 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Published: 11/3/2008 - Complete
Emmett at Build A Bear by edwardsbella99 reviews
Just a random story. I was bored. No, it is not a one-shot. Will update soon. Read and Review please.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 288 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/8/2008
History With Jasper by kentuckydreamer6 reviews
Its just an ordinary day in history class with Edward and Jasper,but what happens when the teacher insults the Confederate army?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,671 - Reviews: 179 - Favs: 99 - Follows: 149 - Updated: 8/18/2008 - Published: 6/16/2008
Random Crap by randomness-4life reviews
Some random stuff to do with Twilight. Including: Emmett's asshole, vampires afraid of Bella, and Cullen's discovering Fan fiction. First Fanfic. Please R&R. Rated T for some language.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 250 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/14/2008
Too Good to be True by Always in This Twilight reviews
Wait, was it all a dream? Edward… the Cullens’? Was it all just a dream?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,156 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 8/12/2008 - Published: 4/26/2008
Kingston Ranch by selflessXroseX1915 reviews
Emmett's "BRILLIANT" idea to get away from the stress leads to all the Cullens on a.... ranch! Vampires Animals 1 clumsy Bella DISASTER!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,902 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 7/23/2008 - Published: 3/25/2008
Tomorrow Can Wait by GitaMerah reviews
Formerly known as "Murphy's Law". Thanks to a potions accident, Hermione is thrown into the Founders era, where she meets none other than Godric Gryffindor himself. HermioneGodric.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 21,418 - Reviews: 157 - Favs: 158 - Follows: 232 - Updated: 7/8/2008 - Published: 2/23/2007 - Hermione G., Godric G.
Sock Therapy by Korie.Moore reviews
Emmet has finally gotten on Jasper's last nerve! And how does Carlisle handle it? Very maturely I'm sure. From Edward's point of view.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 739 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/30/2008 - Jasper, Emmett - Complete
Deception & Concealment by KissThis reviews
Voldemort is dead; Harry bitter. In order to save him and her world, Hermione does the unimaginable and the illegal - disguised as a boy she goes back to the Marauders' Era, but finds herself in a sticky situation of love. [OT3: JP x HG x SB]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 109,072 - Reviews: 1416 - Favs: 1,684 - Follows: 1,713 - Updated: 6/29/2008 - Published: 4/30/2005 - Hermione G., Sirius B.
Vulnerable by Santi911 reviews
The Cullens go hunting leaving Bella and Jasper to have a little bonding time. What happens when emotions go haywire and They start having feelings for each other? What lengths will Bella and Jasper go to in order to stay together? R&R BxJ LEMONS
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 26,606 - Reviews: 725 - Favs: 435 - Follows: 331 - Updated: 6/19/2008 - Published: 11/3/2007 - Complete
The Joys of Fanfiction by intastella burst reviews
Emmett discovers fanfiction, much to Edward's annoyance. Need I say more?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,412 - Reviews: 186 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 82 - Updated: 6/3/2008 - Published: 4/29/2008
College Reunion by LionClaw reviews
He left 20 years ago, but Bella still loves him. When Bella sends her daughter to college she isnt expecting her to fall in love with Edward and get into deep trouble with werewolves. But the real question is who will Edward choose, mother or daughter?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 21,806 - Reviews: 253 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 5/13/2008 - Published: 9/8/2007 - Complete
Blond Haired Madness by bookworm-booklover reviews
This is just a little thing I came up with when I got writers block and thought I'd write something to do with Jasper... I couldn't think of a name and Jasper had blond hair so it's called blond haired madness, there's a full summary inside.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,104 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 4/14/2008 - Published: 9/27/2007
Short Stories of Bella and Edward by FreakyTwilightLoverO.O reviews
Title says it all. But they are random stories
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 1,902 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 4/8/2008 - Published: 3/4/2008
Over the Wall by Meddlesome reviews
the great Eragon Shadeslayer can’t even climb a wall and needs the help of his older brother. just an idea that came to me about the riders sneaking for some fun without any guards.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 661 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/13/2008 - Complete
Sirius and the Squirrel by BiteMeSilly1606 reviews
funny oneshot with Sirius and a squirrel
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 692 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/4/2008 - Sirius B. - Complete
Little Cullens by Math hime reviews
All the cullens have been turned into 5 year olds! bella and werewolf gang have to babysit them.trouble!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,462 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 3/2/2008 - Published: 2/16/2008
Bonding by Araya Phantom reviews
Jasper is left with the responsibility of Bella Swan one night. A simple trip to the grocery store, plus an unwanted vampire visitor, changes their awkward relationship for the better. Jasper x Bella friendshipXsibling story. Rated to be safe.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,267 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 2/6/2008 - Published: 8/25/2007
King of Yesterday by Put My Earmuffs On The Cookie reviews
COMPLETE "Get off Hermione, or I will kill you." Voldemort looked up at Harry, his human features rapidly unfurling revealing the old Tom Riddle. "Kill me then."A TRHG story.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 57,276 - Reviews: 809 - Favs: 1,041 - Follows: 365 - Updated: 1/29/2008 - Published: 9/3/2007 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
A Brief Encounter by HeavenlyAngel14 reviews
In 1861, before Carlisle changed Edward, Carlisle leaves the Volturi to help confederate soldiers, who have been wounded in the American Civil War. While working in Texas, Carlisle treats a young blond Major by the name of Jasper Whitlock.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,247 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 19 - Published: 1/22/2008
Emmett Goes Prettyboy by Zukaddy reviews
SEQUEL TO EMMETT GOES EMO! Emmett goes prep, nuff said.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 16 - Words: 8,035 - Reviews: 175 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 1/21/2008 - Published: 11/5/2007 - Complete
Trippy Bella: UNLEASHED by EdwardIsMyLover reviews
Sequel to Trippy Bella. Bella has been declared insane. The Cullens think its bad enough in their own house, but what if she is unleashed on the unsuspecting folks of Forks? How will they fare now?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,423 - Reviews: 217 - Favs: 219 - Follows: 255 - Published: 1/14/2008
Damn Veela Blood by ShadowFairy101 reviews
DMHG:I thought turning 17 was a good thing not a curse!Its a corny summary but a good story. Please R&R! NEW CHAPTER 6 IS UP!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 10,473 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 95 - Updated: 12/27/2007 - Published: 5/28/2005 - Draco M., Hermione G.
The Haunted by Kiss My Fang reviews
Sequel to I Will Haunt You. My invisibility gave me a whole new level of temptation. It was the monster of me. sequel to first ending, not the alternate ending
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,955 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 12/10/2007 - Published: 10/22/2007
Even Cullens have their days by DreamsAreMadeOfVampires reviews
This is a chronicle of all of the crazy messed up issues the cullens have. Read to find out about Emmett's problem with being deserted on an island and Jasper's inability to detemine which gender a bathroom is for! Please R&R
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,677 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 12/6/2007 - Published: 11/14/2007
Veela Magnetism by greenikat89 reviews
Oneshot, MWPP: Sirius is not a veela. Remus is most definitely not his mate. Remus would very much like to smother his best friend with a pillow for waking him up at the crack of dawn. Unfortunately that's not the way Remus' life works.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 708 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 34 - Published: 11/24/2007 - Remus L., Sirius B. - Complete
I Will Haunt You by Kiss My Fang reviews
Bella's jump off that cliff was a bit more fatal than she had thought it would be. Now she is a ghost, and no one can see her. Will Bella save Edward from the Volturi? More importantly can she? And what will happen to her afterwards?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 19,325 - Reviews: 254 - Favs: 128 - Follows: 67 - Updated: 11/13/2007 - Published: 8/3/2007 - Complete
Emmett Goes Emo by Zukaddy reviews
Emmett Goes Emo... nuff said... rated T just in case....
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 11 - Words: 7,200 - Reviews: 220 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 11/1/2007 - Published: 9/19/2007 - Complete
Smoke and Mirrors by Chip-n-Dale reviews
After Harry and Voldemort disappear, a depressed Hermione desires nothing more than a place to forget herself. She believes she's found a simpler time, that is, until she meets Tom Riddle. It is then that she learns appearances can be deceiving. HGTR
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 28,839 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 67 - Updated: 8/16/2007 - Published: 10/3/2006 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.
If You Give Dean A Paperclip by dudeurfugly reviews
Oneshot based on the children's book If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. Please read and review.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,296 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/11/2007 - Complete
Dark Queen by BeautifulBlackRose reviews
After being betrayed by Ron and Harry, Hermione seeks revenge. But who would guess she would make the perfect Dark Queen.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,283 - Reviews: 126 - Favs: 246 - Follows: 291 - Updated: 7/25/2007 - Published: 6/20/2007 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr.
A Sister's Life by tona234angel reviews
The life of Katie Winchester in her own words
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 58 - Words: 60,562 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 6/19/2007 - Published: 4/29/2007 - Complete
Dry Cornflakes by Georgiana1234 reviews
Bella finds it odd that she never has milk on her cornflakes when she is at the Cullens' house. You can find out why this is.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 494 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 5 - Published: 1/31/2007
HermioneMalfoy by Raindust34 reviews
Hermione finds out shes adopted and her real family is the Malfoys...Will everyone accept her? Is Pansy her new best friend? Why is Ginny spreading bad Rumors about her? Is Blaise Zabini her new light in life? HGBZ
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 90,858 - Reviews: 1036 - Favs: 914 - Follows: 410 - Updated: 12/24/2006 - Published: 9/19/2005 - Hermione G., Blaise Z. - Complete
Life with Zabini and Malfoy by whiteSerenity reviews
As part of muggle studies, a must take subject for year 6 and 7, all pureblood students are to live with a muggle student and his or her family for two month. And guess whom Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini had the good fortune to get paired up with? None o
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,231 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 10/6/2006 - Published: 9/6/2006 - Hermione G., Blaise Z.
Veela Hell of a Week by cheeky splash reviews
Draco has been told he is a veela a week before his 17th birthday Now can he convince his mate Hermione Granger to help him live past age 17 or is he going to die early? AU
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 12,812 - Reviews: 255 - Favs: 604 - Follows: 192 - Updated: 7/7/2006 - Published: 5/31/2006 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
Loving a Veela by Ms ITK reviews
UPDATED Draco is a Veela. Hermione is part of a secret organisation. Will Hermione learn to love him all while war is looming over Hogwarts?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 17,957 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 127 - Follows: 164 - Updated: 6/2/2006 - Published: 6/28/2005 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Mistletoe Mischeif by MarauderMischeif reviews
The Marauders plan a payback prank.. But really the prank's on them.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,099 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 5/5/2006 - Published: 4/26/2006 - James P., Sirius B.
Sing To Me the Song of the Stars by readyformycloseup reviews
After running away from home, Hermione stays with the Zabini's, and finds herself falling for the person she least expected to. One problem, they're on different sides of a war.CHAPTERS BEING REVISED AND REWRITTEN.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 10,185 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 71 - Updated: 4/16/2006 - Published: 12/3/2005 - Blaise Z., Hermione G.
Truth of Words by Silver pup reviews
One shot — Words could never express your feelings to your brother. But then again you never needed to. He already knew them.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,918 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 13 - Published: 2/8/2006 - Eragon S., Murtagh - Complete
To Prank or not to Prank by followyourbliss22 reviews
Parody to Hamlets sililoquey. To be or not to be... Only Fred and George To prank or not to prank...
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 368 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 13 - Published: 11/27/2005 - George W., George W. - Complete
Best pranks by Trixie's girl reviews
fred and George pull pranks. What pranks are they
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 305 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/28/2005 - George W.
Silverhope's Veela by Keikokin reviews
Poking fun at Veela fics, with Draco as the Veela. This is very campy. Dedicated to Silverhope. COMPLETE SLASH malemale relationship
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,885 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 27 - Published: 8/12/2005 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Paddie and the PMSer by Green Day's British Babe reviews
It's interactual and FUNNY!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,199 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/20/2005 - James P., Lily Evans P.
The Missing Clue by granger2malfoy reviews
Final Chapter AddedDumbledore arranges the students sixth year and higher that stayed during the Christmas holidays to partake in a character masquerade party. At the party they will come to solve a mystery, which Hermione finds missing clues. COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,607 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 11/14/2004 - Published: 10/25/2004 - Hermione G., Blaise Z. - Complete
Listening and a Hearing by Joulez reviews
Full summary is inside but it is funny exteremly funny it had my fmaily in peals of laughter.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 550 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 5 - Published: 8/30/2004 - Harry P., Sirius B.
Tyler's Secret Weapon by redcognito reviews
Short rewrite of the axe scene in Dark Reunion. Silly.
Vampire Diaries - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 451 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/6/2003 - Tyler, Stefan - Complete
Even Vampires Need A Steady Income by redcognito reviews
Damon's questionable methods of income. Short, silly.
Vampire Diaries - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 315 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 5 - Published: 7/6/2003 - Damon, Stefan - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Tulip reviews
Not actually a book, just a poem. I have watched way too many sad movies.
Misc. Books - Rated: K - English - Angst/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 236 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7/8/2010 - Complete
Fangirls reviews
And He Jesus asked him the man , "What is thy name?" And he answered, saying, "My name is Legion: for we are many. Gospel of Mark 5:9
Supernatural - Rated: K - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 358 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/20/2010 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
A mix reviews
When you are bored, anything can happen, just dont add sugar drinks. WILL BE ADDED TO SOON.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 237 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 2/20/2010
When curiosity messes with time
Hermione Granger stumble upon a book, silly right, well this book leads to a series of events that end hermione up in a pickle. I am still playing with this idea so bear with me. May become a HGRL or HGSB vote if you have a specific chioce, majority rule
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,137 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/3/2009 - Published: 11/2/2009 - Hermione G.
Name change reviews
How Murtagh changed his true name and freed himself.
Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 800 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/2/2009 - Murtagh, Eragon S.
Special
Read inside: prologe! have tried my best to keep to the basic story line of the show, I you think something is not right then tell me More reviews will get more chapters and I cant make chapters if the reader dont like it, need to know what you think.
Supernatural - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,224 - Updated: 7/7/2009 - Published: 7/2/2009
Related reviews
Who am I related to?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 749 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 5/24/2009 - Published: 5/23/2009 - Bella, Edward
EMMETT reviews
Edward has to go hunting, Emmett has a plan and Bells is in the middle of it all! canon pairings, sticking to basic story line, happening while Bella's human reviews appreciated!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 310 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/23/2009 - Emmett
My story, My life reviews
searching for my brother....I end up comforting his ex.....trying to save him....living with the family....where will this lead me.......who knows? ps: reviews more chapters!DISCONTINUED! Brother ran out of ideas for his story.....he asked me to write it!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,234 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 4/3/2009 - Published: 3/7/2009 - Bella
edmunds idea reviews
pevensies andd caspian are board, edmund has an idea, something wierd happens....but what? PLEASE REVIEW!
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 2 - Words: 431 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 3/7/2009 - Complete