1. I love you not because of who you aOut of my mind. Back in five minutes As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep Your kid may be an honor student but YOU'RE still an IDIOT!" Smile - it's the second best thing you can do with your lips I took an IQ test and the results were negative Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes I souport publik edekasion Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles Before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them... you are a mile away from them... and you have their shoes. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things Age is a very high price to pay for maturity Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2 If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them I date this girl for two years-and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name." Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is. I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight. Never moon a werewolfre, but because of who I am when I am with you.. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism. Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day: A motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and one survived. The truth: Halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love. Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, Who calls you back when you hang up on him, Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, Who holds your hand in public and in front of his friends and family. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he loves you and how lucky he is to have you. FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in. FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain. BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!" FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up! FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste! FRIENDS: Would read ignore this. BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shit! If people mistake you for a vampire (cough cough or you are one cough cough)...copy and paste this onto your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If they are right...copy and paste this into your profile If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. 92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile. If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. (asked how much a 6 burger was they were like think about a 6 burger I was like oh ... I'm retarded) If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile (See above) If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile. If you don't believe life is fair shit...copy and paste this into your profile. If you're a girl and get sick and tired of guys assuming that you're weak and can’t fight, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever sung a song you hated so much, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do... If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile If you don’t dance to avoid injury to yourself and those around you, copy this into your profile. If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile! If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile. If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile (I have done 5 time my bro my friend gave me a WTF!? look and started laughing) If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile. If you've ever imagined yourself killing off a fictional character so that you could steal her fictional boyfriend, copy this into your profile If you know what a lemon fly is(for those who dont, it is a mythicle lemon with wings. ha! now you know!!) If you have a problem with counsoluers, copy and paste!! If you've ever misspelled your own fanfic screenname, copy and paste this onto your pro If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder. AV is Addicted to Vampires ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile. If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile. 98 of teenagers do drugs, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels. If you think the semi-colon is completely usless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro! If u think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in ur pro! if you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile. If you have ever been pushed into an ice-cold pool copy and paste this into your profile If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile. If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile! (Especially the FREAKING CAPS LOCK!!) If you horrible at taking direction... copy and paste to your profile... If you've ever read/started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile. If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile. If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile. If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile. If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE! If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've reread TWILIGHT over four times...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile. if there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile if you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've met your not-blood related twin (in resemblance or personality), copy and paste this in your profile. (dude, it was weird) If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile. If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever gotten a paper-cut on your lips from kissing Twilight, copy and paste this onto your pro If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile. If you don't watch Laguna Beach, O.C., House, or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever stayed up all night just to watch the sunrise, copy and paste this onto your pro If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. Drugs are bad news. Copy this into your profile. 98 of teenagers have participated in underaged drinking and drugs. If you're one of the 2 who hasn't, copy this into your profile wearing a smirk of pride. If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings when you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile. If you ran up a down escalater copy this into your profile If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile. If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile If you hate selfish, racist, homophobic, biased assholes, put this in your profile Man: Where have you been all my life? Copy this into your profile if you're a procrastination addict. (It's okay, you can do it later...) Dear Mommy, I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus' lap. He loves me and I don't quite understand what has happened. I was so excited Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap. He said He I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster. Love, Your Baby Girl SniffSniff SoOo SaD If you think that abortion is wrong and as terrible as it really is WOMEN'S VOCABULARY Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments. Five Minutes - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. Nothing - This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine". Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". Go Ahead - (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. Loud Sigh- This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". Soft Sighs- Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content. That's Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow". Please Do - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "You're welcome". Thanks A Lot - This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing" Ways to maintain a healthy leval of insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In." 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso . 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds" 7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 8. Don't use any punctuation 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!" 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!! Annoying things to do in an elevator 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, 2) STAND silent and motionless in the 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passenger for a 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look 12) TRY to make personal calls on the 13) DRAW a little square on the floor 14) WHEN there's only one other person 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they 16) ASK if you can push the button for 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're 18) DROP a pen and wail until someone 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of 20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it. Sakura: Do I ever cross your mind? Sasuke: No Sakura: Do you like me? Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth 1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. You are special and unique. 8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. 9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 10 When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look. 11 Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. So... If you are a loving friend, send this to everyone, including the one that sent it to you. If you get it back, then they really do love you. And always remember... when life hands you Lemons, ask for Tequila and Salt and call me over! Good friends are like stars... You don't always see them, But you know they are always there. I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truck load when I'm gone. Forward to all your friends. And don't tell me you're too busy for this.. Don't you know the phrase "stop and smell the flowers"? See how many "bouquets" you end up with! Can you cry under water? Remember: 'A good friend will come bail you out of jail... But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying WE screwed up, but we had fun! ' Proud to be your Friend! Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence, and don't skip ahead. I've learned...that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned...that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. I've learned...that money doesn't buy class. I've learned...that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. I've learned...that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. I've learned...that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can? I've learned...that to ignore the facts does not change the facts. I've learned...that the less time I have to work, the more things I get done To all of you...make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence. It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends. HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!! YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I am honored. What Starts with "F" and ends with "K" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister Is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9." Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36." And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and te lls her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs." Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets." Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants." Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?" Harry: "Coconut." The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum." Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Harry: "Fire truck." The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong!!" There is no beginning or end.. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it our “present”. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Twilight Oath I promise to remember Bella XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 24 Things I owe to my Mother 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 3. My mother taught me LOGIC. 4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 6. My mother taught IRONY. 7. My mother taught me about THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS. 8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 9. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 10. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 14. My mother taught me about ENVY. 15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 17. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE. 18. My mother taught me about ESP. 19. My mother taught me HUMOR. 20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 21. My mother taught me GENETICS. 22. My mother taught me about MY ROOTS. 23. My mother taught me WISDOM. 24. My mother taught me JUSTICE. It's funny how 'hello' is always accompanied with 'goodbye'. by Unknown YOUR GUY SIDE: the ones i do are highlighted in bold 1 You love hoodies. Total: 8 YOUR GIRL SIDE: 1 You wear lip gloss/stick. 15 It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. 16 You smile a lot more than you should. 19 You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne. Total:15 I don't think I believe this but it's weird, i have seen dead people, but they never try to kill me:This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. 7 reasons Not to Mess with small children A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: Great sayings lol Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway. If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored. If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost. Not only do I fall down stairs, I trip up them as well - now that takes talent. He says I love you, I sneezed and said "Sorry I'm allergic to bullshit." I used to be normal until I met those losers I call my friends. I'm the kind of girl that walks into a chair and apologizes. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not. A good friend lets you dance with your boyfriend, a best friend yells at him and screams "NO SHE'S MINE." Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it all together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that is true strength. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history If you can read this message, you are blessed beacause over two million people in the world cannot read at all: I cdnuolt blviee taht I cloud aulactly uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanig. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in wht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be tatol mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wohle. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipomorantt! Tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile! Everything in life changes you in some way, Remember there is always tomorrow :D The Six Truths Of Life 1. You can't lick all of your teeth with your tongue. 2. You just tried to do the above. 3. The first truth is a lie. 4. You're smiling now because you're realizing you're an idiot. 5. You'll copy this into your profile for some other sucker to read it. 6. There's still a stupid smile on your face. Johnny brought a gun to school, Mommy, I was a good girl, I did But Mommy, when I went to school that day, When Johnny shot the gun, Mommy, please tell Daddy; And tell my little sister; And tell my wonderful friends; Mommy, tell my teachers; Mommy, why'd it have to be me? And Mommy, tell the doctors; Mommy, I'm slowly dying, Mommy, I ran as fast as I could, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to get married, But Mommy, I'm must go now, I love you Mommy, I always have, --In Memory Of The School Shootings-- My name is Chris At least 5 children each day from around the world die from child abuse In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost Please if you would, If you pass this on, Maybe people will cry, Just keep this in your heart, For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye". Now you have 2 choices, 1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as You'll see why at the end. Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one. It Does Make You Feel Good, especially #35. 31. Watching the sunrise. Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth 1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. You are special and unique. 8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. 9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 10 When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look. 11 Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. So... If you are a loving friend, send this to everyone, including the one that sent it to you. If you get it back, then they really do love you. And always remember... when life hands you Lemons, ask for Tequila and Salt and call me over! Good friends are like stars... You don't always see them, But you know they are always there. I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truck load when I'm gone. Forward to all your friends. And don't tell me you're too busy for this.. Don't you know the phrase "stop and smell the flowers"? See how many "bouquets" you end up with! Can you cry under water? Remember: 'A good friend will come bail you out of jail... But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying WE screwed up, but we had fun! ' Proud to be your Friend! Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence, and don't skip ahead. I've learned...that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned...that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. I've learned...that money doesn't buy class. I've learned...that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. I've learned...that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. I've learned...that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can? I've learned...that to ignore the facts does not change the facts. I've learned...that the less time I have to work, the more things I get done To all of you...make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence. It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends. HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!! Flying Blind A WOMAN was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes. All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! Things aren't always as they appear. A day without laughter is a day wasted!! 15 Things to do when your in Walmart! 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. FEMALE COMEBACKS!! Man: Where have you been all my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: So, what do you do for a living? Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Man: Your body is like a temple. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Man: Your eyes they're amazing. This has got to be one of the most clever PRESBYTERIAN: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE : SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: FUNERAL: Beware! For my place of employment has given me a NEW weapon...THE BUBBLE WRAP! 'I wished upon a falling star to make me stronger. It came true because the next day I was able to stand while watching you walk away.' Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils" If you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing Two wrongs may not make a right, but three rights make a left. I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it. The worst time to have a heart attack is when you’re playing charades. No one will believe you. I’m not sleeping. I’m just looking at the insides of my eyelids Hear no evil. See no evil. Make some evil There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM... Tu madre! Yes, you just got burned in Spanish. Would you like some ice for that Spanish burn? Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then! I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation? I am a fruit-loop in a world full of Cheerios. You can't wait for inspiration; you have to go after it with a club It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. after a year in therapy my psychiatrist said "maybe life isn't for everyone" I smile because I have no idea what's going on! Life was so simple when boys had cooties I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator! We're all a little weird. And life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up in mutual weirdness and call it love. Want to know who your real friends are? Mess up and see who is still standing beside you. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. With everything that you can do, the real question is what will you do? Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer. Directions to Llama-land: heads or tails? heads: your mine, tails: im yours When the world is ending, I'm throwing the party! Having the love of your life say, "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. if payback's a bitch and revenge is sweet then im the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet i know you're probably thinking...OH NO SHE DIDN'T! but i just totally did ;D All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned." They say greener grass on the other side but its probably just artificial turf. Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for. Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you. If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words. Education is important, school however, is another matter. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." 'Make a bet with me, and I will win. Fight me, and you will loose. Tell me I can't, and I will. Tell me to, and I won't. Dare me, and I'll do it. Say I can, and I will.' 'Try and run from me and I'll trip you before I kick your ass.' 'If I had a baseball bat I'd hit you with it.' 'Try me and see what you get.' 'Hurt the ones I love about again and I will show you the meaning of hell on Earth' 'Touch me and you will loose your life.' 'You really shouldn't have pissed off the person who can make your life a living hell.' 'I'll protect my friends because I know they're worth protecting.' 'I don't give crap what they said because everybody has a talent. they are wrong and I know you can be the best you are.' 'Do you really want to try and hurt me?' "He who laughs last didn't get it." What happens if you get scared half to death twice? It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility agree with me now- it will saw sooo much time Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." "People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door." Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics. Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message. They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. P.S I never changed, I just got tired of pretending I was happy. Being mature is overrated. Being weird is like being normal, only better. Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. I'm not random, i just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL! You call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark grows on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful, thanks for noticing. We're not sarcastic, we're hilarious. We're not annoying, we're just cooler than you. We're not bitches, we just don't like you. We're not obsessed, we're just best friends. I'm not afriad of Death. What's he going to do, kill me? It doesn't matter whether the glass if half-full or half-empty. Just drink the damn thing and get it over with. Remember, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, twenty-eight to smile, but hey, it only takes four to reach out and to punch someone. Advice is what we ask for when we already have the answer but wish we didn't. Don'y play games with a girl who can play better. Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is not. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame The past. It's done. It's unchangeable. Move on. Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it all together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that is true strength. No one was perfect...well, there was this one guy, but we killed him. The best things in life are unseen. That's why we colse our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream. There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who never will. So don't worry about the people in your past. There is a reason they didn't make it to your future. Judge me and I'll prove you wrong. Tell me what to do, and I'll tell you off. Say I'm not worth it and watch where I end up. Call me a bitch and I'll show you one. Screw me over and I'll do it to you twice as hard. Call me crazy, but you really have no idea. If it wasn't for physics and the law, hell, I'd be unstoppable. Fear nothing. Risk everything. Growing old is mandatory...but growing up my friends, well that is optional. Light travels faster than sound. That's why people appear bright until you hear them speak. With everything that you can do, the real question is what will you do? I intend to live forever. So far, so good... Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell. Suicide is Man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me, I quit.' Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Forever isn't as long as it use to be. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars. To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. I see regular people! I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. FINE= the real definition: F.reaked Out I.nsecure N.uerotic E.motional It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face Things to do on an Elevator 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons. 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift. 20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers. 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it. Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL, Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART, Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG, Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY, Calling me POOR won't make you RICH, Calling me FAT wont make you PERFECT, So why bother? Really Good Questions Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs? I don't really believe this but it's weird:This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. "They hurt her..." About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them. FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off. Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true. If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you. NO CHEATING! 1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex. 2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow? 5. Which color do you like more, black or white? 8. Do you like California or Florida more? Alright, answer time! 1. You are completely in love with this person. 10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday 44 things a girl would die for 1-touch her waist 2-talk to her 3-share secrets 4-give her your jacket 5-kiss her slowly and touch her face. are you remembering this? 6-hug her 7-hold her 8-laugh with her 9-invite her somewhere 10-let her be with you when you're with your friends keep reading 11-smile with her 12-take pics with her 13-pull her onto your lap 14-when she says she loves you more, deny it. fight back 15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. Are you thinking about someone? 16-always hug her and say "i love you" when you see her 17-kiss her unexpectedly 18-HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST 19- NEVER ignore her. 20-tell her the way you feel about her! oh, and on that last one... u need to show her you mean it too 21-kiss her on the lips 22-Tell her she means everything to you 23-tell her what feels good 24-make her feel loved 25-kiss her in front of other girls you know 26-don't lie to her 27-dont cheat on her 28-take her anywhere she wants 29-instant message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her 30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you are you still reading this? u better be, its important 31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold you too. 32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her. 33. Kiss her on the cheek (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her). 34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly. 35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her remember this next time you are with her 36. when people diss her, stand up for her. take her side no matter what. 37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her. (if you mean it) 38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you. 39. When walking next to each other grab her hand. 40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED 41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams. 42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears. 43. Take her for long walks at night. (she'll feel safe, if you put your arms around her.) 44. Always Remind her how much you love her. youll never know when she needs just a lil more love repost this in 20 sec. or you will lose the one you care about the most!! Guys Repost: "i would do this for her" Girls Repost: 44 things a girl would die for Lessons Learned in Twilight: “Penguins. Lovely.” Edward, Eclipse "Next time you want to hit me, use a baseball bat or a crowbar, okay?" Jacob, Eclipse "Stupid shiny Volvo owner."-Bella, Twilight “I’m really glad Edward didn’t kill you. Everything’s so much more fun with you around.” — Emmett Cullen “This hostage stuff is fun.” — Alice Cullen “I can’t imagine how awful that must feel. Being normal? Ugh.” — Bella Swan "Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior." Bella "Go fetch a space heater... what am I a St. Bernard?" -Jacob "I've been tortured, Alice painted my toenails!" -Bella Swan "It's a good thing you're bulletproof." -- Bella Swan Emmet: "Fall again, Bella?" "You are bizarrely moral for a vampire." -- Bella Swan |
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