
I don't really like profiles. They're such a hassle. Whatever. I feel the need to write one anyways.
My name is Martha. Well, no, it actually isn't. My real name is Rebecca. But my friend felt weird calling me the same name as her TWIN SISTER (How cool is that?) so she gave me the name Martha. I'm fourteen years old. I love to read, like to write, and LOVE playing cello. I live in Arkansas, the natural state. It's so beautiful. :D And here are some things I felt like posting. Enjoy! ;D
123 WAYS TO ANNOY VOLDEMORT:
1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'
2. Laugh at him.
3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'
4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.
5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.
6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.
7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
8. Dance the Funky Chicken.
9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.
13. Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.'
14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.
16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.
17. Be cheerful.
18. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'
19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.
20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'
21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that - a washing detergent?'
23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there...
26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?
27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.
28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'
29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, O Dark One' whenever he starts to talk of what caused him to become who he is.
33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
35. Mock his choice of Quirrell as a 'host.'
36. Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways.'
37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.
38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions, 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you thought you were helping!
39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
40. Buy him a stress ball.
41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.
42. Call him Tommy-boy.
43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.
44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.
45. Say he 'looked better under the turban.'
46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.
47. Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.
48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.
49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
50. 'Imperio' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful.'
51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry.'
52. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.
53. Throw him a 'Carebears'-themed birthday party.
54. Tell him what Snape's really up to.
55. Politely exclaim now and again that you don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles.
56. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment.'
57. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.
58. Ask him to dance a polka with you.
59. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.
60. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'
61. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.
62. Tell him you know this great therapist in London...
63. Throw Tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.
64. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.
65. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.
66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.
67. Steal, snap and bury his wand.
68. Tell him Lucius did it.
69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.
70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.
72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause.'
73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling.'
74. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.
75. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'
76. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.'
77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.
78. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy.'
80. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.
81. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric aquaintance.
82. Cuddle him at random moments.
83. Sign him up for Little-League.
84. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.
85. Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.
86. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie.'
87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.
88. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.
89. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.
90. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.
91. Write sonnets for him.
92. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
93. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.
94. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie.'
95. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak.'
96. Mock his baldness.
97. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')
98. Get him drunk.
99. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah.'
100. Let him catch you trying on Death Eater robes.
101. Be Harry Potter. Be alive.
102. As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like 'Not gonna work, or 'stupid.'
103. Call him 'Champ' or 'Tiger.' Refer to yourself as 'Coach.'
104. Three words: Potter Puppet Pals.
105. Ask him where he gets his garlic-scented soap.
106. Ask him to dye Easter eggs with you.
107. ..at Christmas.
108. Make him dance in the rain with you.
109. Insist that this is to cleanse his soul.
110. "Accidentally" schedule him a him a haircut.
111. ..even though he's bald.
112. Be offended by everything he says.
113. When he gives you an order, stare at him blankly and drool.
114. Invite him to go streaking.
115. Kill Harry.
116. On the next Valentine's Day, decorate his lair.
117. ..make sure the decorations are pink and frilly.
118. Tell him that getting the same plastic surgeon as Michael Jackson was definitely a bad idea.
119. Paint his fingernails hot pink while he's sleeping, then place a permanent sticking charm on them so he can't remove the color.
120. Whenever you look at him cover your eyes with your hands and scream "IT BURNS!!!"
121. Bake him scar shaped cookies, but insist it wasn't purposeful.
122. Trade his black robes in for pink pajamas.
123. Insist that it's opposite day and paint a lightning bolt on his forehead.
139 WAYS TO ANNOY YOUR THERAPIST: (not that I have a therapist)
1) Insist that one of your other personalities already paid last month’s therapy bill.
2) Lie down under the couch.
3) Express concern that you are not narcissistic enough.
4) Bark.
5) Shout “Eureka!” after your therapist makes an interpretation.
6) Play dead.
7) As your therapist hands you the therapy bill, put on a pair of latex rubber gloves to accept it.
8) Run around screaming, ‘Zoloft! Prozac! Paxil! Celexa!’
9) Meow.
10) When the people at the waiting room ask you if you know where you are, snap, ‘Why, don’t you know?!’
11) If your therapist doesn’t have a couch, ask if you could lay on the floor and BE the couch...
12) Bring in a “blow up” couch.
13) Bring a picture of a couch with you, set it on the floor and lay on it... (Or under it.)
14) Keep referring to the chair as your couch...
15) Tell them you will no longer be able to see them as they don’t have a couch you can lay under...
16) Tell the therapist the only reason you’re in therapy is because “the voices” told you to go.
17) Take notes during the session, and when your therapist says something, mutter “interesting” under your breath and scribble more notes.
18) Ask “And how does that make you feel?” when your therapist suggests something.
19) Sit in a lotus position on the couch, under the couch, in the chair, on the floor, wherever you usually don’t sit.
20) Print out a long roll of paper, roll it up tightly and bring it to your session, explaining to your therapist that this is a list of things you DON’T want to bring up in therapy that day.
21) Stand on your head during therapy.
22) Wear a toga (or alternately don’t wear one if it’s your usual form of dress).
23) Claim you are the reincarnation of Whoopie Goldberg. When your therapist points out that she’s still alive argue vehemently that since her career is dead you can darned well be her reincarnation if you want.
24) Wear duct tape over your mouth.
25) Claim that they look like your fav tv star. Don’t let it drop.
26) Sit with your back to him/her. For the entire session.
27) Bring snacks, stare at them, and state that for the size of your bill, you expect to be entertained.
28) Spend an entire session talking about your goldfish.
29) Talk to the couch.
30) Ask if there is anywhere you can wash your socks.
31) Knit. A pair of sleeves.
32) Keep looking into your purse (or pocket if you’re a guy) and asking “You ok in there?” When the therapist asks you what you’d like to talk about today, launch into a full review of the last movie you’ve seen, even if it was a documentary about sex in your psychology class.
33) Stare at the ceiling and randomly yell out the names of constellations, i.e. “Look! There’s Orion’s Belt!”
34) sit cross legged on the floor, rocking, and facing a corner muttering “anti-biotics anti-depressents anti-psycotics” under your breath, and randomly burst into the Columbian national anthem
35) Speak only in a “robot” voice.
36) Reply to everything your therapist says with “that’s what YOU think.”
37) Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.”
38) Practice making fax and modem noises.
39) Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
40) Sniffle incessantly.
41) Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
42) Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
43) Drum on every available surface.
44) Carry alarms in your bag and set them for random times.
45) Wear your pants backwards. (or inside out)
46) Repeat everything you therapist says, as a question.
47) Begin all your sentences with “ooh la laa!”
48) Inform your therapist of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
49) Repeat the following conversation dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
50) Demand that you be addressed as “Conquistador.”
51) Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.”
52) In the memo field of all your checks, write “head shrinking”
53) Inform your therapist that they exist only in your imagination.
54) Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing your therapist that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”.
55) Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
56) While talking, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
57) Ask your therapist for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.”
58) Never make eye contact (or) Never break eye contact.
59) Make appointments for the 31st of September.
60) Follow a few paces behind your therapist, clean everything they touch with Lysol.
61) Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room
62) To every question they ask you answer “ah wouldn’t you like to know”
63) Claim not to speak English (or whatever language you do speak normally)
64) Answer every question with “mmm interesting question” and don’t elaborate.
65) Screw up your face, look puzzled, and ask “You mean that’s not normal?” and watch them backpeddle.
66) Reply to every question asked by saying “wibble”
67) wear two baseball caps on facing forward and the other facing backwards - and if asked ‘why have you got two caps on - just reply that your not sure about which way to go
68) Bring your dog (cat, mouse, hamster, goldfish, etc) and insist that your pet has problems too and that you share everything.
69) Pull your last piece of gum/candy out begin eating it~look sheepish for not offering the p’doc a piece then insist that they have the piece that is currently in your mouth.
70) After each statement that the therapist makes, nod your head wisely and utter “Hmm, another Freudian slip.”
71) If it is your first or at the beginning of your visits, insist that you did not commit those murders and that those finger prints they found belong to Charlie Manson, your other persona.
72) Play tic tac toe with an imaginary partner, all the time, muttering quite loudly that you are only letting them win because the therapist told you that you needed to learn how to be less competitive/driven, etc.
73) Go dressed in a wig, dark glasses and a trench coat, search the room for hidden bugs and inform the therapist that you have information that they are out to get you.
74) choose a commonly used word like ‘so’ and every time they say it, twitch, uncontrollably. Sit down, then leap up, claiming the chair/couch is trying to eat you, then eye it up suspiciously, mumbling at it throughout the session.
75) walk at the wall as you leave the room, turn to avoid it at the very last minute, claim its so that you fool ‘them’ - “you know, the ones following me”
76) THERAPIST: “We have to finish because we’re out of time.”
REPLY: “Really!? I thought it was because the hover craft full of eels had arrived.” or something equally ridiculous!
77) If you enter and leave thru the one door, at the end of the session insist that you CANNOT go out the in door. {be flustered checking windows and man holes in the ceiling for any alternative escape}
78) Speak only in the third person, e.g., T says “How are you today?” answer “Jenn is doing well today, how is T’s name doing?”
79) Walk into the room before the T does and sit in the chair he/she normally occupies.
80) Insist you will only communicate in semaphore.
81) Make a tape of the “Jeopardy” song and play it every time the T asks a question. Phrase your answer in the form of a question and make a wager with it.
82) I thought you could do the occasional Karma, you know, the that 3 second delay after he’s heard something, then his crazy seizure like motion...particular good perhaps when you first enter the room see you T
83) When you go in, turn any photos face down, or if there are pictures on the wall take them down and face then against the wall -Why? any reason, you were receiving subliminal messages from them, the picture was trying to swallow you into them, last time you saw a picture like that it flew across the room and hit you over the head...whatever
84) Go in and light a cigarette. When your T asks you to put out your cigarette, reply ‘No it’s ok it’s a joint anyway, would you like some?’ - you could also take that further if they say no, you can say ‘oh yes you do.’ T: ‘no I don’t’ You: ‘Yes you do, I know you do’ etc, ect ect...
85) Get some kind of lollie or candy, similar to that of your medication, (or any prescription med bottle), as long as they can’t read exactly what it is; and put the candy [to use the american term] in your real medication container or substitute. Then every time you T asks something hard or stressful, say ‘oooh no, here we go again’ and reach for the “meds” and pop another one.
86) wear face paint and when asked why...say that you wanted to make the mask you put on everyday all pretty!!
87) when they ask you a question say “I’ve often asked myself that exact same thing.” Then don’t elaborate.
88) sit and quietly boogie, ignoring everything they say. Then tell them you’re sorry but you can’t hear them over the little people having a party in your head/or you were dancing to the music in your head.
89) Every now and then, scream suddenly “Oh my God!” or “What the Hell?!”. And when they say: “What’s wrong” etc, just say “Huh? I didn’t hear anything. What are you talking about?”
90) Sing really loudly whenever they try to speak. ”Fa la la” randomly.
91) Say: “Let’s play ‘poke the therapist with a stick’” and then go: “poke, tee hee, poke, tee hee, poke...”
92) play the mirror game...repeat everything your T says
93) Go into the office and stand facing the wall and continue the therapy session like that. When asked why you are facing the wall, thell them 1. the wall is your friend 2. The wall is prettier than His face..
94) Randomly grab an imaginary “something” off your shirt while yelling, “Get off of me!!!.” Then throw it to the ground and stomp on ‘it’.
95) make up totally off the wall situations like: Well, see, I have a habit with always picking my nose in PUBLIC and I don’t know what to do about it! and when they try to help you, go No! You’re judging me! You don’t UNDERSTAND!
96) Walk in and turn the chair so that it is back to the wall and not directly facing her... The funnier version would be to turn it around and not face her at all.
97) When we get to a lull in the conversation and she just stares at me and I stare back I used to just sit and wait till they finally said something but the silence makes me so uncomfortable I ask “so, are we playing the silent game again?” - who is winning I wonder?
98) analyze her body language and ask her is she is nervous when she touches her face or plays with her hands, etc... Also I tell her what her looks, routines, etc tell me...
99) When she asks me what we should talk about I ask her what she thinks I should talk about... Ok, not all that funny but I always turn the questions back on her when I am stuck to get the conversation going so it’s helpful as well... And I did ask her once, well how does that make YOU feel. Smile
100) absolutely gut myself laughing and stop suddenly and frown at them as if they’ve done something to offend you
101) stare at the t until they become really self conscious
102) every time they ask you a question reply with “i dont know”
103) ask if its ok to roll a joint and when they say no sit and refuse to answer any questions and glare at them
104) make farting noises and then stare at them disgusted
105) fiddle with as many of their ornaments n stuff as possible
106) randomly sing songs as they’re mid sentence
107) say stuff bout them that’ll offend them but say it as if your just stating a fact
108) run behind whatever large pieces of furniture there is and claim the Tasmanian devil is after you
109) try and be seductive to make them nervous
110) take your cd player and ignore them the whole session
111) take your note pad and pen and get all excited and at the end of the session produce a picture of your t the resembles a farm yard animal and demand to see theirs because they sit drawing every week and you never see them
112) shout cowabunga at random moments.
113) whisper into your labels (like a secret service agent) comments like “are you getting all this?”
114) Take a clipboard with you, tick boxes and say you’re doing a mystery customer survey
115) As they start to doze off, make a slight farting noise, so they aren’t sure and will try to stay awake for the next one.
116) Tell him/her that because of your strict religious upbringing you never got an education in sex and if they could give you some advice by telling you about their own experiences.
117) Have a little bottle of water and just as the session is coming to an end, place your arms behind you, unscrew the bottle and spill the contents on the chair. Then both the therapist and next patient will get a surprise. I wonder if he will confront you at the next meeting for peeing in the chair?
118) Stare directly into their eyes. If they blink, jump out, yelling “yes! I win, I win!” and start laughing hysterically. If you blink, make a noise of frustration, shake your head and start staring again.
119) When talking to them, look slightly to the right of their eyes.
120) Look at all the stuff they have on their desks and around their room and ask what they’re for.
121) Don’t accept any of their explanations and insist they tell you the “real” purposes.
122) Pretend you developed a sudden case of toretts syndrome
123) Every day, show up to the appointment eating massive amounts of marshmallows. Then, one day while waiting in the waiting room for your T, dump large amounts of softened cool-whip on to the floor in a pile. When your T comes in, tell the you got sick
124) Start singing “I know a song that will get on your nerves”
125) Walk in the room and shout “Humpty Dumpty was pushed”
126) Nod and smile
127) Say uh huh to ever comment the T makes
128) Hum and act as if no one else is in the room
129) tell her/him you have an acute temper and you enact criminal tendencies when ignored
130) If asked so have you cut? Go into a long discussion about how, the only reason those ‘simple scratches’ are there is because you were taken capture by the enemy troops and they tortured you until you told them were all of the pirates gold is kept. Works even better if you say it in a monotone.
131) If they start talking about something and you don’t want to have to talk about it, look at your watch or wrist if you don’t have a watch and then move one of your fingers in a circle as to say “hurry up and finish” and stare at them like they are insane.
132) Upon entering the office, cough three times. Every time a noise is made cough three more times.
133) Start doing your pilates or yoga work out (or any kind of workout) in the middle of there office and if they have a small office like mine does ask if you can move the furniture around. I did this once and my t looked at me like I am insane and I just started moving around furniture. Then left it were it was at the end of the session.
134) Show up 30 minutes late for an appointment and then if they say something about it comment on how they are never punctual and say you wanted to give it a try. (MY t is always late this might not work with all t’s)
135) Bring along a goldfish in a plastic bag and put it right up to your T’s face and say, “Well? Does he look happy to you?”
136) Memorize heaps of quotes and song lyrics and keep saying them in answer to questions.
137) Buy several little electronic pets and keep them in your bag, making sure you attend to their every desire insisting they are ‘the reason you stay alive’.
138) Talk about something that happened to you, then when your T says something about it say, “But you’re not listening to my side of the story!!!” And then keep changing the story.
139) Fake a panic attack.
Favorite color combination: Green and brown. My love for these two colors started when I was arround 6 or 7 years old. Me and my family were going over which colors don't look good together. The one everyone agreed on except me: Black and brown. I thought it was brown and green. But no. Who cares what some little kid thinks. They don't know anything. Even if they are going into first grade and, therefore, a big kid. I was sulking in the back seat when my mom took enough pity on me to stop accusing me of being wrong (never works on a little kid. Don't try it) and instead she explained why brown and green looked good together. "Tell that to the trees," she said. And there you have it. I looked out my window, saw some trees and that's when it hit me. Brown and green combined was truly beautiful. Of course, Every once and a while my friends would argue against me saying that, 'Poopie is that color.'
Favorite color in general: GREEN. It's the COLOR of NATURE. Bootiful.
Favorite TV show: The Nine Lives Of Chloe King. Most people who know me would be shocked. Yes, I found something I like MUCH better than Big Time Rush.
Favorite food: COOKIES. And Mac and cheese but cookies look better in bold. :)
Favorite Name: Kendall for BOYS only
Favorite Number: 42
Fovorite Country: Japan or Israel
State: Arkansas
Dog: Aussie or Corgie
Cat: Orange Tabbie (Simon) or all Black with white paws (Ahab) or Gray with yellow spots (Sister) or PORVELOINE!!! :D:D:D:D I'm pretty sure I spelled it wrong.
Accent: British. Duh!
Body Part:Eyebrows
Youtube video: Julian Smith: What happened to Chris?
Place to eat: Burger King
SOME INCREDIBLY COOL/FUNNY SAYINGS:
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
You never truly understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
Always take money from a Pessimist…They never expect it back…
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Thinking is the last thing on my mind!
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
I don't have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups
Teamwork is essential – it allows you to blame someone else.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep
After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $9,000,000, which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment, and the death of an uncle who left him $8,999,999.50
Don't worry too much about what people think, because they seldom do
You have one choice
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "mommy, why does the girl wear white?" his mom replies, "the bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." the boys thinks about this, and then says, "well then, why is the boy wearing black?…"
When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Okay, so God made man first, but doesn't everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?
If the early bird catches the worm, what about the worm?
What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes?
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There’s no use in being a fool about it.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better
If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success
SOME HILLARIOUS QUOTES BY POLITICIANS:
"I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear."
-Woody Allen
"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. "
-Casey Stegal
"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." -Bush
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." -Bush
"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." -Bush
"Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." -Bush, talking about Iraq
"Do you have blacks, too?" --to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001 -Bush
"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." --as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23 -Bush
"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe -- I believe what I believe is right." --Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001 -Bush
"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on --shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again." --Nashville, Tenn., -Bush
xD Bush is so easy to make fun of. Here's some Sarah Pailin:
"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." --Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience
"All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." --Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads
"He who warned, uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin' sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed." --Sarah Palin, botching the history of Paul Revere's midnight ride
Huh. Not as much Sarah Pailin as I thought. Whatever. The point is, She's an idiot.
DIDN'T THINK POLITICIANS COULD BE FUNNY? THIS SHOW'S YOU! Sure, you may argue that they didn't mean to be funny. Nor did they mean to be terrible people. They just were. Deal with it.
One More Fact About Me: I AM A DEMOCRAT...AND JEWISH...AND I LIKE WEARING FLIP-FLOPS...AND I HAVE A LOT OF DOGS...AND ONLY ON CAT THAT HASN'T GONE MISSING... AND I LOVE PUMPKIN PIE.
Like, REALLY love pumpkin pie. REALLY.