Yo, I'm Dejah Thoris. That's with a long E (DEE-jah), but feel free to crack a few jokes about deja-vu or dijon mustard if you must.

I'm not the good guy, but you'll probably like me anyways.

My characters regularly participate it violence, intermittent torture (of themselves and others), dirty language, inappropriate and often racey jokes, they don't always play nice, they do enjoy dirty, steamy sex, and they have no guilt or remorse for their actions. They may be seen drinking, smoking, or using various illegal substances. The creative apple does not fall far from the tree.

I don't write a lot of fan fiction anymore because I'm working on a book I want to get paid for. Most of my stuff is somewhere near eight years old or older but may have been updated since then.

Don't mind the mess. It sure as hell doesn't mind you. I'd love your feedback, though. I'm a whore for your love, or hate whatever the case may be, just because I'm sick like that.

For the record, if you're looking at my photo and thinking I look way too young to be writing this shit, rest assured I was born in '83 and I've "been around". I know that term tends to make you think of all sorts of dirty things, and you'd be right.

:OTHER STUFF: If you'd like to follow along with the rough draft of the science fiction novel I'm writing, you can find it here: http://www.fictionpress.com/~dejahofmars. You'll also find my cheesy poetry and some other things I've written outside the world of fanfiction. Also, you can find me on RangeWoman Enterprises Yahoo! Group: . Come join the fun and I'll whisper in your ear how much I love your feedback. See how I picture Stephanie and the gang on my Photobucket: .

:DISCLAIMER: This is fanfiction.net, so it should go without saying that if you recognize a character, I don't own them, I'm just fondling them inappropriately. Further more, I am not getting paid for anything I'm posting on this website. Never have, never will. So take your law and shove it.

:CURRENT NEWS:

01.11.2016 How have six years gone by? This is like a time pod. That dating thing led to marriage, which led to disaster. Even worse than the last time I took the marriage-coaster for a ride. Let that be a lesson to you, kiddies. Over these six years I have continued to get so much positive feedback for Plum Dirty and Santos Slide. It's because of you guys that I haven't given up my dream. I still plan on finishing Santos Slide and Mysterious Mallory. They're always knocking around in my head, especially of late. The writing bug is working itself up again, and just being here, writing to you (if there ARE any of you reading my profile) is kinda giving me the chills. I've missed this. Anyway. Enough emotional bullshit. I have Templars to kill in Assassin's Creed 3 and weed to smoke. xoxo darlings.

08.28.10 I know, I'm terrible, but summer vacation, kids, dating, and my handmade businesses have been eating all my time. I have NOT abandoned Santos Slide or Mysterious Mallory, but they will be on hiatus for another week or two at least. I know, I miss them too. But don't give up on me! I'll be getting out some fresh chapters soon. If you'd like to see what I've been working on while I haven't been entertaining you, check out my etsy shop. & .

07.01.10 Santos Slide Chapter Six of is up and running, finally. Hopefully you'll think it was worth the wait. It' weighed in at just short of 9,000 words, so it's a beefy one for your reading enjoyment. Should have the next chapter of Mysterious Mallory posted soon, so stay tuned for updates. Thanks for sticking around, folks. I appreciate it.

06.23.10 No updates, but Chapter Six of Santos Slide is going to be a really long one. I've already got about 5,000 words written up and I'm planning a panty-ruining smut scene for this chapter and I haven't even gotten to that part yet. This one could knock in at around 10,000 words, so hopefully you'll think it was worth the wait. I hope to have it up this weekend at the latest, tomorrow night at the earliest. Keep checking back ;)

06.11.10 Santos Slide & Mysterious Mallory Finally! Chapter Five of Santos Slide is officially posted for your reading pleasure and hopefully doesn't have too many fucking mistakes, but I'm really too dazed right now to do much more with it. I hated writing this chapter. I hope you don't hate reading it. It's one of those 'set-up' chapters, so there's not a lot going on (sorry), but I guarantee a better time for Chapter Six. Also, posted the first companion piece chapter of the new Mysterious Mallory. Chapter One is set between chapters four and five of Santos Slide. I hope you enjoy it too. Thanks for your patience, everyone. Hopefully Chapter Six won't take nearly as long. I've got a fair chunk of it already written out and the details have been beating me up for a while, waiting for me to get Chapter Five out of the way so I could write the much more entertaining Chapter Six. I hope it doesn't take too long.

06.05.10 Santos Slide I'm sorry, everyone. I meant to have this next chapter up, but it's kicking my ass. I only need about 2,000 more words to round it out, but this final scene or two just doesn't want to come out. I've got a bunch of the next chapter planned, but this is one of those awkward to write numbers necessary more for relationship set-up than anything else and it just doesn't want to cooperate right now. I've got a bunch of stuff to do tomorrow, but if I get home sober and early enough (unlikely, honestly), I'll try to pump it out, but the odds are looking like it won't be up until Monday night at the earliest. If I get a chance, I'll try and finish it up before I take off tomorrow afternoon. Who knows, it could happen... but don't count on it. Sorry. Don't worry, I'm not abandoning this story and I'll have chapter five up very soon.

06.02.10 Santos Slide I'm about a third of the way through the fifth chapter of Santos Slide. Sorry it's taken me so long to bust this one out. I've already got a portion of Chapter Six (at least, I think it'll be Chapter Six) written, but real life has had me running wild the past couple of weeks and it's going to be a busy month, but I'll try and have Chapters Five and Six up and running this week (Chapter Five could come out as early as tomorrow night) and next. Also, I'm going to be doing a companion piece from Mallory's POV. It won't be necessary to read it, but the first chapter is already written and will be going up as soon as I post Chapter Five of Santos Slide. It's entitled Mysterious Mallory and will be little mini-chapters between chapters of Santos Slide.

05.22.10 Santos Slide Chapter Four is up and running and not half bad to look at. I hope you enjoy it. Check out my Photobucket account for photos of Mallory's Mustang and the floor plan of her house.

05.18.10 Santos Slide Chapter Three is finally up. Sorry for the wait. Also, I updated my Photobucket () for those of you that would like to see how I picture the characters. I changed my choice for Ranger, but I've still got it bad for the first guy I chose, so I'm going to have to figure out a way to get him back in the cast. Any ideas on who he'd be good as? I've got an idea, but a guy that hot needs smut...

05.11.10 Santos Slide Chapters One and Two have been posted. Forgot to do this update when I posted Chapter One earlier, but now there's two. Santos Slide takes place about nine months after the end of Plum Dirty. Enjoy ;)

05.09.10 Plum Dirty: The final chapter/epilogue is up and running and this story is now complete. I so look forward to your feedback and hope you'll enjoy the upcoming and very-soon to be posted Lester FF that will be titled Santos Slide. Thanks for sticking around. Your support and replies have been the very, very best part.