If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile

If you can Raed tihs, you hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Can you raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can stlil raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed tihs forwrad it. COPY AND PASTE ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?) (Me: Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Most of this stuff was put on these labels to make sure the idiots who use them won't sue when they make an obvious mistake. If you know this, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. (More like social anxiety...)

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bastard.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.

I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.

I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.

I CRY EASILY, so I MUST be a wimp. ( I cry when I get frustrated and cant express how I feel...)

I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we … but that shit was fun!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the out!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: Will re-post it

My Mother Taught Me
1. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"
3. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
6. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
14. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."
15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."
18. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
19. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
21. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
23. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
24. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING.
"You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more.
25. My mother taught me CONSEQUENCES.
"If you don't tidy your room, there'll be hell to pay."
26. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

I used to be normal, until I met those freaks I now call my best friends.

You know its going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

Education is important. Although school is another matter entirely.

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends," is like your dog dying, and your mom saying you can keep it.

Always forgive your enemies, it's the best way to annoy them out of their minds.

I ran with scissors and lived!

I don't obsess. I just think intensely.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Never knock on Deaths door. Ring the doorbell and run away; he hates that.

The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.

WARNING: Do not follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls and off cliffs.

Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real.

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have. (I don't have ADD, I have SAS: short attention span)(I have all of the above along with pr...)

What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man? (I truly wonder this now…)

I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you... you're just not laughing.

Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home. (Yes father. Remember that.)

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Note to self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines. (you must have an odd washing machine...)

My favorite word is sarcasm.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Sarcasm doesn't work on a sarcastic person. (Nope!)

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. (I swear I didn't write this.)

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. (This seriously seems like something I wouldn't write but would write.)

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen. (Two of them. The rest would just be roasting marshmallows with me)

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss. (every. day.)

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. . . if well-aimed.

One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition. (True.)

If at first you don't succeed, change the rules. (I wish)

Tell the truth and run. (Story of my emotional life...)

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Friends come and go while enemies never do; they just multiply.

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.

Generally, generalizations are wrong.

Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. (Great job guys...)

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional . . . (HERE'S TOO NEVER GROWING UPPPPP! Oh I'm a nerddd)

If you find any poisonous plants in your tea, just to let you know, it wasn't me. (To be honest… It probably was me!)

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done. (Mwahahaha!)

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. (Yup)

I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver. (Yes, brother. You shall know that if ya don't shut yer pie hole)

Be insane- well behaved people never made history. (My mom has a magnet that says something similar to this.)

I can only please one person a day. Today's not your day, and tomorrow's not looking good either.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that thing up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!" (I am sooooo using this... #Thank-You Llama)

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up. (Especially the shut up part.)

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water!

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

The voices may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

Why be difficult, when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

"Sir, we're surrounded!"
"Excellent, we can attack in any direction!"

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. (How much longer 'til I can drive?)

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. (If they say yes I will say: "Oh wait, I forgot to rbing mine with me..."

Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." (This will definitely work. "Hello friend, in accordance with the prophecy.")

Tell your children over dinner; "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Person: Happiness is just around the corner!
Me: Too bad the world is round!

I guess being smart and having opinions freaked guys out.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

Oh crap she's a morning person.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

Ooooo . . . A life. Where can I download one? (Seriously, though. Where?)

I apologized. Wait, you actually want me to mean it too?

Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor"--a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck, my friends, for I may not return alive.

Are you seriously telling me in that freaking utility belt, you don't have something useful?

Music is my life. The only life that I have. Besides the wonderful and very much weird friends that I love very much.

llama is love, llama is life.

ily:)