Once upon a time I promised a bad quality fic to everyone who reblogged a post on tumblr. On the advent of 210K reblogs of that post, I have promised in turn a 210K word fic of the poorest quality I can manage. So here it is. I can promise ducks, long rants about architecture, and Kevin Tran falling in love with a Dalek. Nothing has been edited. Everything is bad. Good luck.