And tonight, I close my eyes and dream that she

I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE Twilight. I LOVE Robert Pattinson. I HATE Jacob Black.

Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901

I read Eclipse and wanted to smack Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD. Then Bella did it for me.

If you want to slice out Jacob Black's organs, throw them into a fire, and do a native dance around the fire, for what he did in Eclipse,

If you think Jacob is pathetic and needs to give up on Bella, plus go jump off a cliff (or whatever he has to do to die), copy and paste this in your profile

╔══╦══╦══╗ I have been diagnosed
║╔╗║╔═╣╔╗║ with Obsessive Cullen
║╚╝║╚═╣╚╝║ Disorder. Put this on your
╚══╩══╩══╝ profile if you've caught it too... ...Put this
...E...On your
...D...Profile
...W...If
...A...You
...R...Have
...D...That crazy
... ...Obsession over Edward

ILoveEdwardCullen,
ILoveRobertPattinson,
ILoveTwilight,
ILoveNewMoon,
ILoveEclipse,
ILoveBreakingDawn,
IHateJacobBlack

30 Things I have learned from Twilight

1. You can enjoy the boquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

Something Sweet

A Girl asked her boyfriend;

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you choose me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says:

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, you know that, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love

Abortion is wrong.

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his friends,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THAT'S HER!

A guy gets a girl 11 real roses and one fake rose. When he gave her the 12 roses, he said,"I'll love you until the last one dies

is still the one, laying there beside me

I'd walk a thousand miles

I'd swim across the sea

What do I have to do, please just tell me

“Farewell To Friends” - Matchbook Romance

I just got myself to blame

Is everything up to fate

When there's choices I could make

When there's choices I could make

Yeah, my heart needs a polygraph

Always so eager to pack my bags

When I really wanna stay

"I believe in symmetry" - Bright Eyes

But I'll try to breathe in meaning dig deep through every gasp of air.

I saw a young girl who didn't die

I saw a glimmer from in her eye

I saw the distance, I saw the past

And I know I won't awaken,

it's a dream that can last

"A Dream That Can Last" - Neil Young

ow you did the same thing for as long as you can bear.

I guess everything just circles 'round to where it was before.

So I hope I'll see you soon in some other form.

"Reinvent The Wheel" - Bright Eyes

Sometimes I wish I could save you,

And there's so many things that I want you to know.

I won't give up 'til it's over.

If it takes you forever, I want you to know.

"Save You" - Simple Plan

On the ground I lay

Motionless in pain

I can see my life flashing before my eyes

Dead I fall asleep

Is this all a dream

Wake me up; I'm living a nightmare

"Time Of Dying" - Three Days Grace

Fun Things To Do On An Elevator. (:

1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker"

2) When the elevator doors shut, assuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!"

3)Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4) Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.

5) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

6) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

7) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

9) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

11) Meow occasionally.

12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

13) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

14) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

17) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"

18) Say "Ding!" at each floor.

19) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

20) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

22) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

23) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?"

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

-If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

-If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you've ever known you were in mortal danger but decided to go through with the stunt anyway, copy this into your profile

-If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile

-If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile

-If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

-If you think Edward Cullen is hot, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you want to slice out Jacob Black's organs, throw them into a fire, and do a native dance around the fire, for what he did in Eclipse, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

-If you are on Team Edward, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you are absolutely in love with Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever wanted to be that little hyper pixie of Alice, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you think that Emmett absolutely ROCKS, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you cried, screamed, or threw a fit when Edward left Bella in New Moon, copy and paste this onto your profile. (I screamed and threw a fit, haha. i also cursed Edward)

-If you think that the Twilight books are the best books known to woman and man, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you are addicted to FanFiction, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you agree with Bella that life without Edward is useless, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you've ever acted like a paranoid fool because you believe (or wish) that the Twilight characters exist, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you've started having dreams featuring Twilight characters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If several inanimate objects hate you, post this on profile.

-If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile

-If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever tripped over air, copy and past this into your profile.

-If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

-If you've reread TWILIGHT over ten times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

-If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

-If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

-If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

-Copy paste this to your profile if you'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of pushing the button on the TV.

-If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.

A girl died in 1933.A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive.The murderer chanted , Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. Lucillia

If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think of vampires playing baseball...copy/paste this into your profile.

-If your friends are considering torturing you because you won't shut up about the Twilight series, copy and paste this in your profile.

-If you are in love with a Twilight character, copy and paste this in your profile.

-If you flip whenever you see someone reading a Twilight series book and you want to talk to them all about it, copy and paste this in your profile.

-If you are Team Edward, copy and paste this in your profile

Bella: Do I ever cross your mind?

Edward: No

Bella: Do you like me?

Edward: No

Bella: Do you want me?

Edward: No

Bella: Would you cry if I left?

Edward: No

Bella: Would you live for me?

Edward: No

Bella: Would you do anything for me?

Edward: No

Bella: Choose--me or your life

Edward: My life

Bella runs away in shock and pain and Edward runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did
What I was told,
I went to school, I got straight As',
I even got the gold!

But Mommy, when I went to school that day,
I never said goodbye,
I'm sorry Mommy, I had to go,
But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun,
He hit me and another,
And all because Johnny,
Got the gun from his older brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy;
That I love him very much,
And please tell Chris; my boyfriend;
That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister;
That she is the only now,
And tell my dear sweet Grandmother;
I'll be waiting for her now,

And tell my wonderful friends;
That they always were the best,
Mommy, I'm not the first,
I'm no better then the rest.

Mommy, tell my teachers;
I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this,
And please don't let this pass.

Mommy, why'd it have to be me?
No one deserves this,
Mommy, warn the others,
Mommy, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy, tell the doctors;
I know they really did try,
I think I even saw a doctor,
Trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying,
With a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy, please remember,
I'm in heaven with the rest.

Mommy, I ran as fast as I could,
When I heard that crack,
Mommy, listen to me if you would,
I'm not coming back.

I wanted to go to college,
I wanted to try things that were new,
I guess I'm not going with Daddy;
On that trip to the new zoo.

I wanted to get married,
I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress,
Mommy, I wanted to live.

But Mommy, I'm must go now,
The time is getting late,
Mommy tell my boyfriend,
I'm sorry, but I had to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have,
I know; you know it's true,
And Mommy all I wanted to say is,
"Mommy, I love you"

--In Memory Of The School Shootings--
If this poem touched you in any way, please pass it
on. And even if it didn't, pass it on just for the
memory of the innocent children

My name is Chris
I am three . . .
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I cant do a wrong
I cant speak at all
Or else im locked up
All day long.
When im awake im all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home
When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe ill just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlies bar
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes
Im so afraid now
I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault
He suffers at work
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door
Hes already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
'Im sorry!', I scream
But its now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor
My name is ChrisI am three,
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me. . .

At least 5 children each day

from around the world

die from child abuse

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!"

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high-school /college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost.

BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down.
BEST FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because she tripped me.

FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with me.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kidnap the band with me.

FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops.
BEST FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they're after me in the first place.

FRIENDS: Get angry at you for calling them late in the night.
BEST FRIENDS: Ask why it took so long for you to call

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Wonder about your love life.
BEST FRINDS: Could blackmail you with it

FRIENDS: Lets me make an idiot of myself in public.
BEST FRIENDS: Are up there with me making an idiot out of themselves too.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Help you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Tells you she knows how you feel.
BEST FRIENDS: Just sits down and cries

Way to know you are obsessed with Twilght!

You start eating 'Bella's' food.

When your maths teacher says your gonna lear trig you look at your friend and say 'TRIG'

Ditto Biology

You have twilightous, a disease that makes you addictied to twilight

When you go to the doctor's you tell your mom that you want a different doctor. When she asks why you say 'Cos' his name's not Carlisle, he doesn't have a wife called esme, or adopt any children and he's NOT A VAMPIRE'

When you watch hospital programs and someone is dying you scream 'CARLISLE SAVE THEM!'

You have the whole official twilight soundtrack on your iPod/ MP3

You have read loads of these lists

And reviewed them

And realized that they were pretty much all true

Twilight has bought you and your best friend so much closer

You growl a lot more

And have learnt how to pounce

You insult your brother/ sister by saying there a werewolf/vampire (depending on what you are)

And by saying they smell like werewolf/ vampire

You insult your friend by saying she's a dog

And she growls at you

You hate the fact that you have to wait a year for New Moon

But in a way don't want to see it

Cos' your gonna cry SOOOO much

When you told your friend she laughed at you

Cos' she's team Jacob and said it was her movie

You have pictures of the twilight boys around your room

When you did a geography project you wanted Kellan Lutz to be your sponser

But your stupid friends said no =(

You go on fanfiction like everydoor to see if the twilight story's you have subscribed to have any updates

And get sad when they don't

You looked for Wuthering Heights in you library

And got sad when they didn't have it

But are now happy cos' you found it today =)

When you saw the film 'The Lost Boys' you kept saying 'Keh soo stereotypical!'

You were so happy when they announced that they were gonna keep Taylor Lautner as Jacob

In fact you screamed

You can relate ANYTHING to twilight

Whenever you see/find glitter you pour it over yourself

And everyone else

When you were in history and saw a husky on a video you and your friend went 'IT'S JACOB!'

When someone says vampires and werewolves aren't real, you shout at them and give them a lecture

You leave your window open for Edward at night

If you ever get a dog you know your gonna call it Jacob, Quil, Embry, Seth etc...

You search EVERYWHERE for silver Volvo's or any of the other cars in twilight

And told your dad you want a yellow Porsche for your 18th birthday

And he laughed at you

And you sulked for days

You want to buy contacts in the colour of; butterscotch or red

Apple's are now your favorite fruit

And whenever you have one you hold it the twilight way

On your bebo, facebook or whatever you put your location as Forks

Or Isle Esme

Or La Push

You and your friend want to go to twilight college

And if one doesn't exist...well it should

And if you did got there you would totally get A in like EVERY area

You wrote on you science work Lauren Ashley Cullen (or your name lol)

When you watched P.S. I love you, you screamed at the women cos' one of her job options was vampire slayer

You think van helsing is Gay!

And he obviously never met Edward Cullen

You got jealous of your friends mom because she read twilight but your mom refuses.

Cos she knows how obsessed you are

And reefer's to twilight as 'That vampire thing'

When your in the car and your parent's are driving you say 'Why are we going so slow'

And they look at you weirdly cos' there going at 70MPH

You think they could have cast bella better

By picking you!

You have random conversations by yourself with the twilight characters

And have to admit that they do give a good conversation

And when you tell your mom she laughs at you

Ditto with the rest of your family

One day, I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, Then it hit me

Two men walk into a bar, The third one ducks.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

Boys are like slinkeys. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would you keep looking after I found it?

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and let the world wonder how you did it.

If life gives you lemons, throw them back, and yell I WANT EDWARD CULLEN

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?

Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control

If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your 3 best friends. If it's not one of them...it's you.

We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You just jumped off a bridge...damn, I'm gonna miss your sorry ass.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family. So it's one of them. It's either my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu...I think it's Collin.

A good friend will bail you out of jail, a great friend will be sitting next to you in your cell going, "We fucked up, huh?"

Keep staring I might do a trick.

All things considered, insanity be the only reasonable alternative.'s

-Let flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.

-Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

-Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

-Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

-Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?

-There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.

-Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

-I'm going to live forever, or die trying.

-If I had something good to say, I would have already said it.

-Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a looser at the same time.

-Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.

-Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

-If you get a low enough SAT score, you should be able to park in the handicap space.

-Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.

-I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

-Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

-When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

-Education is important; school however, is another matter.

-Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

-You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder!

-Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.

-They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

-I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!

-That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.

-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

-Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

-I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn't exist.

-If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.

-Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?

-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

-There are no stupid questions - just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.

-Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.

-High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.

-It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

-People say satire is dead. It's not dead. It's alive and living in the White House.

-I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-I do not deny everything.

-Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go the store for a quart of milk.

-The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it is unfamiliar territory.

-Always proofread to make you sure you don't any words out.

-I'm not short I'm fun sized.

-Love me or hate me personally I could care less

-Unless you've lived my life, don't judge me because you don't know, never have & never will know every little thing & detail about me

-You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then.

-When you get caught looking at him, remember he was looking back.

-Girls are like phones, we love to be held, and talked to but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

-I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago : )

-Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us

-Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.

-Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over

-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year.

She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, she asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to cry.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.

The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before.

When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked her for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her.

She asked if they would ask the man one question.

She was curious as to why he had not attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

You're never alone...

93 Percent Of the people who read this won't repost it.

Don't be one of those people.

Believe in God and he'll always be there to protect you.

I am for Team Edward... Jacob doesn't SPARKLE!

You know you're obsessed with Twilight if... You start going up to random people to tell them you want an Edward! You think your next door neighbor looks like a vampire, or he really is a vampire. You try to control your thoughts because Edward might hear them. You've read Twilight and New Moon at least 5 times each! You check on this site 5 times (or more) a day to see if there's any new Twilight news. You think your best friend's crazy for not reading Twilight or New Moon. You give your teachers Twilight and/or New Moon for Christmas. When you see a box labeled "Forks" at a restaurant you think there's something imported from Forks, Washington in there. Twilight has ruined any and all future reading for you. You use Twilight for every single school project that pops up. You break up with your boyfriend because he doesn't glitter in the sun like Edward does. You watch the show Moonlight and imagine Beth as Bella and Mick as Edward. Now it's me writing again and I'm sorry about the whole thing that there isnt much thats really me in my profile but it's been a long day and my first profile I had I forgot to save.

You know you live in 2007 (2008) when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

Funny isn't it!

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

This is true

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd out "u" and "i" together.
Woman: Really, I'd put "f" and "u" together.

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:
What Makes 100? What does it mean to give MORE than 100? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100. How about achieving 103? What makes up 100 in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96
But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl:Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy:No, this is fun.

Girl:No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy:Then tell me you love me.

Girl:I love you, now slow down!

Guy:Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy:Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live.

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two million people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blviee taht I cloud aulactly

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanig. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in wht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be tatol

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wohle.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipomorantt! Tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile

-If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

-Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

-If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

-If you have ever dreamed or imagined being a vampire or a werewolf, put this in your profile.

-If you have ever dreamed or wished that a book character was real (Edward!) copy and paste this in your profile.

-IF YOU LOVE EDWARD CULLEN, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND SCREAM!

-If you want Bella to turn into a vampire, copy this into your profile.

-If you hear voices of the Twilight characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

-If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile

-If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck fan-girl of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile

-If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you've ever fallen down the stairs and laughed because it's something Bella would do and then cried because Edward wasn't there to catch you, copy and paste this in to your profile

Dear Mommy,

I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus' lap. He loves me and
cries with me; for my heart has been broken. I so wanted to be
your little girl.

I don't quite understand what has happened. I was so excited
when I began realizing my existance. I was in a dark, yet
comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty
far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my
surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping.

Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between
you and me. Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with
you.Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard
Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better
soon. I wondered why you cried so much.

One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I
couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy. That same day,
the most horrible thing happened. A very mean monster came
into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I
began screaming, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe
you never heard me. The monster got closer and closer as I
was screaming and screaming,"Mommy, Mommy, help me
please; Mommy, help me."

Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I
thought I couldn't anymore.Then the monster started ripping
my arm off. It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain. It
didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror
as it ripped my leg off. Though I was in such complete pain, I
was dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you
say how much you love me.

I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans
to make you happy. Now I couldn't; all my dreams were
shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain
of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything
to be your daughter. No use now, for I was dying a painful
death. I could only imagine the terrible things that they had
done to you.

I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I
didn't know the words you could understand. And soon, I no
longer had the breath to say them; I was dead.I felt myself
rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful
place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.

The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap. He said He
loved me, and He was my Father. Then I was happy. I asked
Him what the thing was that killed me. He answered,
"Abortion. I am sorry, my child; for I know how it feels." I
don't know what abortion is; I guess that's the name of the
monster.

I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I
wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted
to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too
powerful. It sucked my arm and legs off and finally got all of
me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I
tried to stay with you. I didn't want to die.

Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster.
Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through
the kind of pain I did. Please be careful.

Love,

Your Baby Girl

SniffSniff SoOo SaD

If you think that abortion is wrong and as terrible as it really is
then you will send this to everyone you know to inform them
of how terrible it is if you dont, you're heartless. Please send
this too anyone you can.

Dear Friend,

I just had to write to tell you how much I love you and care for you. Yesterday, I
saw you walking and laughing with your friends; I hoped that soon you'd want
Me to walk along with you, too. So, I painted you a sunset to close your day and
whispered a cool breeze to refresh you. I waited; you never called. I just kept on
loving you.

As I watched you fall asleep last night, I wanted so much to touch you. I spilled
moonlight onto your face trickling down your cheeks as so many tears have.
You didn't even think of me; I wanted so much to comfort you.

The next day I exploded a brilliant sunrise into a glorious morning for you. But
you woke up late and rushed off to work-you didn't even notice. My sky became
cloudy and My tears were the rain.

I love you. Oh, if you'd only listen. I really love you. I try to say it in the quiet of
the green meadow and in the blue sky. The wind whispers My love throughout
the treetops and spills it into the vibrant colors of the flowers. I shout it to you in
the thunder of the great waterfalls and composed love songs for birds to sing for
you. I warm you with the clothing of My sunshine and perfume the air with
nature's sweet scent. My love for you is deeper than the ocean and greater than
any need in your heart. If you'd only realize how I care. I died just for you.

My Dad sends His love. I want you to meet Him. He cares,too. Fathers are just
that way. So please call Me soon. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait because I
love you.

Your Friend,

Jesus "through this world i stumble
so many times betrayed
trying to find an honest world,
to find the truth enslaved."

Who'll Take the Son?

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art.
They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to
Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great
works of art.

When the Viet Nam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He
was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another
soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only
son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock
at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large
package in his hands.

He said, "Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for
whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and
he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the
heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your
love for art.

The young man held out his package. "I know this isn't much.
I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have
wanted you to have this."

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son,
painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the
soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting.
The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled
up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay
him for the picture.

"Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a
gift."

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors
came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son
before he showed them any of the other great works he had
collected.

The man died a few months later. There was to be a great
auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered,
excited over seeing the great paintings and having an
opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the
platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his
gavel.

"We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will
bid for this picture?" There was silence. Then a voice in the
back of the room shouted. "We want to see the famous
paintings. Skip this one." But the auctioneer persisted. "Will
someone bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding?
100, 200?" Another voice shouted angrily. "We didn't come
to see this painting.. We came to see the Van Goghs, the
Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!" But still the auctioneer
continued. "The son! The son! Who'll take the son?"

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was
the longtime gardener of the man and his son. "I'll give 10 for
the painting." Being a poor man, it was all he could afford. "We
have 10, who will bid 20?" "Give it to him for 10. Let's see
the masters." "10 is the bid, won't someone bid 20?"

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of
the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their
collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once,
twice, SOLD for 10!" A man sitting on the second row
shouted. "Now let's get on with the collection!"

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the auction is
over." "What about the paintings?" "I am sorry. When I was
called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation
in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this
time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned.
Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate,
including the paintings. The man who took the son gets every
thing!"

God gave his son 2,000 years ago to die on a cruel cross. Much
like the auctioneer, His message today is, "The son, the son,
who'll take the son?" Because you see, whoever takes the Son
gets everything.

HOMOPHOBIA IS STUPID!!

I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday.
I am the girl kicked out of her home, because I confided in my mother I'm a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets, because no one will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of 27 years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had.
I wish they could adopt me.
I am not one of the lucky ones.
I killed myself weeks before graduating high school.
It was just too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us because she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not even allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised.
The court says I am unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to trach gym until somebody told me only lesbians do that.
I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't always have to deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most: love.
I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
I am the boy tied to the fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson".

THAT'S MESSED UP! IF YOU BELIEVE HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG...REPOST THIS