A letter of gratitude and apology to my readers

I would like to thank each and every reader of this story of mine who has stuck around even after years of nothing but silence on my end. Your words have encouraged me to try again and again to write something, to put my thoughts and ideas into words and sentences so that each of you can read it and hopefully enjoy it.

Unfortunately... this is no longer the case.

In recent years, I have simply put... lost the spark.

I no longer enjoy writing as much as I did in the years past, at this point it just feels tedious and pointless because every time I look back at my scribblings my perfectionist side screams that it reads like it was written by a spastic retard and someone whose seriously autistic that should be ashamed they ever published something so bad. But then again, most fanfiction seems like that to me these days.

In addition, when I first began writing I only really had to worry about putting the most minimal effort into school work since I had only began taking my first steps into higher education and didn't have as much work during the day as I have had in the past year or two.

Then... during the summer of 2015 I had some serious cases of depression and loneliness, I spent almost the entirety of July cooped up all by myself in the upper floor of our family's summer cottage, staying up all night and barely managing to get out of bed during the day, even then doing so only to eat.

It was one of the hardest periods of my life and eventually after I decided to seek help, a psychologist diagnosed me with mild to mid-severe depression.

When the summer came and went, I went to study at an open university because I didn't have any real options in terms of employment with my level of education and I hadn't managed to get a passing grade for further studies earlier in the year.

After the year of study in OU I had to only two options really since I hadn't even bothered to apply for further studies, begin my service in the army as a conscript or the public sector through Alternate Civilian Service, which is what I've been busy with since October of last year.

I got a job at my hometown's school where I used to go myself when I was younger, It was the only place I could get I had because every other realistic option was already exhausted by the time I could look for the job itself.

You would not believe how stressful working at a grade school is if you haven't experienced it yourself, I hated almost every day of it mostly because I simply can't stand little children and their antics. Like in the army, I didn't have any vacations besides the few national holidays when everything was closed or the ones I could use freely but had a limited amount of.

Sorry if that felt a bit like a long and pointless rant but I really want you all to understand where I'm coming from.

I simply can't force myself to do this shit anymore, and it breaks my heart that I have to do this because I really wanted to bring something new to the fanfiction community. I wanted to bring a fresh perspective to old ideas and hopefully inspire others to innovate as the genre as well.

As a last request I only ask for understanding that I don't do this because I have writer's block which will just go away or that I'm afraid of criticism or that I dislike fanfiction as an artform or some other silly reasoning. I do this because I fundamentally no longer can enjoy writing it to a wider audience that has hopes and expectations that wary wildly from my own.

People change and this is reflected in how they think, how they act and in this case how they write. I look back at my stories and see a younger, more inexperienced version of myself reminding me of how much enjoyment I used to get out of simply writing my random ideas down on a keyboard and seeing how people reacted.

But I grew up, matured and got interested in other things and over time I almost completely stopped even visiting this site.

I would like to give special thanks to two people who helped me with my stories over the years despite the fact I rarely stayed in contact, ResurgentClone, revan193... thank you, both of you. For sticking around, for giving me ideas and inspiration to keep writing through the years.

In any case... I suppose this is goodbye then.

To quote Dr. Seuss, however cliched it may be:

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

This is MarxistFIN,

Signing off for good.