Hi, my name is Zero, I'm sixteen, from Adelaide in South Australia, and I write fanfic. Nice to meet you!

I mainly write fanfiction of Team Fortress 2 so far, but I'll probably end up writing for many other fandoms. I like doing this. It's my hobby.

Things I don't like: bullies, psychopaths, people who talk at the theater, Twilight, the words YOLO and SWAG, overzealous vegans, badly written stories, the smell of cigarette smoke, homophobes, racists, coffee, pigeons and lime-green hatchbacks. Everything else is okay in my book.

NB: IF FROM AUSTRALIA OR NEW ZEALAND, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THIS.

So, I've found when reading TF2 fanfic that some of the insults and slang words that Sniper throws around (apart from the ones that are canon) are a little... unimaginative and in some cases inaccurate. This is a little disappointing (to me at least), as a lot of the average Aussie dialect is based around slang (except at very formal events like dinner parties or job interviews). So I've decided to give a little hand to those attempting to write in Strine, as being from Australia I do consider myself to be pretty qualified. I call this section...

ZEN AND THE ART OF AUSSIE SLANG

Right, so let's get our arses into gear, shall we?

"Arse" means ass. We use the british pronunciation down here, so ass becomes arse and asshole becomes arsehole. Unfortunately, because of this, words like asshat and jackass lose their potency when spoken aloud. To get one's "arse into gear" is to "get going" or "get started" on something. "Can't be arsed" means "can't be bothered".

"Bloody" is used as a cuss-word-adjective, so "bloody hell" is an example of such use, also "fan-bloody-tastic". We get quite a few of our slang words from the British, if you may have already noticed by now.

"Bogan" is similar to "redneck" in America or - I think - "pikey" in Britain. Usually seen as the stereotype of the average Aussie. Not usually the case.

"Bugger" has a different meaning to the British usage, out here it's similar to "bloody". So "Bugger off!" - "Go Away", "Buggeration" or simply "Bugger" are used on their own as exclamations of dismay. "Little bugger" can be used as a noun to describe an annoyance (any annoyance) or theoretically as an affectionate term for pets/small children (but that's extremely rare). Also, to "buggerize around" means to do nothing, or at least, to do nothing useful. "It's buggered" means "it's broken", "we're buggered" means "we're screwed". "Buggery" is hell, essentially; so "gone to buggery" is "gone to hell"

"carked" or "carked it" means broken or dead.

"Pissed" does NOT mean angry as in America. It means drunk.

"Pissed off" means annoyed or to have gone away. Like wise, the exclamation "Piss off!" means "Go away!"

"On the piss" also means drunk. "To get on the piss" is to get drunk.

"Piss" is a slang word for alcohol, or urine/urination.

To "take the piss" out of someone is to make a joke at their expense. Example of "taking the piss": ordering a Fosters at the pub. Most Australians don't drink that stuff these days. Seriously. Order a VB instead. Or a glass of wine when down here in South Australia, it's great stuff. Even according to the most hard-nosed wine lover.

Another thing about taking the piss: we love doing this to people when we're overseas. This ranges from telling wild stories about ourselves and our country (especially the law/politics) to poking fun at other people. It's always meant to be in jest, but sometimes it gets a little out of hand and could lead to a "punch-up" (fistfight), due to people getting "toey" (annoyed and melodramatic, like a tantrum.)

"Root" is to have sex or a sexual partner, but it's pretty archaic and not used much anymore. Very important note: we don't "root" for our favorite teams, we "barrack" for them.

"Rack off" means "Go away", as does "get stuffed" or "go stuff yourself".

"We're stuffed" means "we're screwed".

"To pass over the great divide" is to die, specifically it means to have died of old age. Any euphemisms for death from Monty Python's dead parrot sketch also apply.

"Love", as in "You alright, love?" is a bit of a grandma-ish affectionate term used in the same way as "sweetie"

"Mate" means a friend or is used for anyone who you don't know the name of but want to be informally polite to. If we want to be formally polite to someone we don't know the name of, we ask for their name and/or use "Mr." "Ms" or "Mrs." in conjunction with their last name; or when we don't know their last name, "Sir" or "Madam" is used. We aren't all uncultured roughnecks, you know. Another funny thing about the word "mate" is that it's also used when addressing someone you hate, it's usually spat out vehemently in this case.

"Sheila" means any woman who you don't know the name of, or anyone actually called Sheila. Yes, it's a name. Welcome to Australia.

"Heaps" is a very South Australian term that means "very". Another important note, South Australians like myself are usually said by the rest of the country to be "more English than the English". I can't imagine why... *sips tea from Union Jack mug*

A "Pom" is anyone from England.

A "Yank" is anyone from the US, even if they're from the south (sorry guys from the south, we still love you).

Names for the outback - some of which are a little archaic - "where the crows fly backwards", "the bush", "Woop Woop" or "Woopie", "beyond the black stump" (also the name of a comic strip), and "the outback" ('Nuff said.)

If someone is said to be "like a shag on a rock" (a shag is in this case a kind of lizard) they are said to be lonely, but this phrase is a bit out of date and not used anymore.

If something is able to "choke a brown dog" it's so disgusting that nobody could ever eat it, not even a brown dog that would eat anything. Why said dog has to be brown I have no idea. Again, not often used.

if something is "going to be apples" it's going to be fine. Again, archaic.

"Grouse" means great, but the word is not used much.

"Too right" means "yeah", exactly, or "you don't say?"

"My oath", "Bloody oath" and "My colonial oath" - see "too right". Not used much anymore.

An "esky" is... well, I'm not sure what it's called in America, but I think it might be called a "cooler". It's basically a portable insulated box that keeps stuff cold and our sheep-loving cousins in New Zealand call it a "chillybin". Every Aussie worth their salt has at least one somewhere.

"Uni" is short for university.

Some of you may know this, but a "billy" is a tin-can type affair that you cook things in in the outback, like tea or stew.

Milo is a sort of chocolaty malt mixture that is usually mixed into milk, but it's also quite nice with vanilla ice cream.

Vegemite is a concentrated yeast spread with a peanut-butter sort of texture and a dark brown (almost black) colour. It's good with butter on toast, (spread very thinly) and that is eaten for breakfast, or when sick. It's very very strong and salty, so much so that if you eat a tablespoon of it you'll most likely be retching the stuff up. Not a feat for the faint hearted, but a piece of piss for those of us who are from here.

"Sauce" in general means ketchup, not any specific condiment or actual sauce used on steak or fish or whatever. Some of us drown food in it that is "guaranteed to choke a brown dog", to make it more palatable.

A "snag" is a sausage, often cooked on the "Barbie". Snags are cooked on said Barbie more often than the stereotypical shrimp/prawn, as is steak and other assorted cuts of meat.

"Thongs" are flip-flops and not skimpy underwear. The skimpy underwear is called a "g-string".

A "dunny" is an outdoor toilet that consists of a deep hole with a toilet over the top. It's also known as a long drop and, whilst absolutely disgusting and possibly full of ticks and venomous spiders, it'll do in a pinch.

Everybody and their mum knows what "wanker" means.

Note on Kangaroos - they may be a national treasure, but for farmers they're pests and often shot and/or skinned and eaten. I've had kangaroo before, it's quite nice, though everywhere else in the world this entire practice is seen as barbaric. But it's true.

Okay, that's all I've got for now at least. A few afterthoughts: I make mention of the South Australian terms because the Sniper from TF2 is from South Australia, and this'll help in writing dialogue for him by making it a little more authentic; likewise that's why I've made mention of the archaic phrases that come to mind as well, because TF2 is set in the late 60's and early 70's. I hope this helps in writing any Australian characters, and if there are any queries or things I've missed, feel free to tell me.

PS Another reason why I talk about my home state is because tourist sites and tv tell you absolutely nothing about it. Ever.