Heya I am Alice Wolf, my other half (which i talk to and it actually answers) is Fireheart.

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two million people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blviee taht I cloud aulactly

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanig. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in wht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be tatol

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wohle.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipomorantt! Tahts so cool!

When a doctor says: this won't hurt...It will

When a doctor says: This may hurt... It will... allot

When a doctor says: This will hurt... Brace for the pain

When a doctor says: In the long run this will help you... Start SCREAMING NOW!!

Parents spend the first part of our lives teacing us how to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

"Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs."

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable if chocolate comes from the cocoa bean and all beans are vegetables?

If silence is golden, then why is duct tape silver?

I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Boys are like lava lamps... hot... but not very bright.

Guys should be like lattes - rich, strong, and hot

You're jealous cuz the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 17 to smile but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

92 percent of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you are one of the 8 percent who would be laughing their heads off.

On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside."
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought...??)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause
drowsiness."
(And I am taking this...because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)

On packet of Nobbys' Peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash)

On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)

On artificial bacon:

"Real artificial bacon bits".

(So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

Take Time To Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line :)

A friend...

...tries to help you when you get hurt, a true friends sits there laughing their butt off saying, 'Dude, you're an idiot!'

...helps you up when you fall; a best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much smart one?"

...gives you their umbrella in the rain; a best friend takes yours and says, "CATCH ME IF YOU CAN!"

...wipes your tears when your rejected; a best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

...will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL

10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks

9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies

8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly

7. Our magazines have horiscopes

6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around

5. Our friends don't say "hi" by punching us in the arm

4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month

3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have

2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket

1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost
Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive
Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down
Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail
Best Friend: Will give me up to the police for his freedom

Friend: Will go to a concert with me
Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Asks me for my number
Best friend: Asks me for his number

Friend: Hides me from the cops
Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public
Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade
Best Friends: Are FOREVER

If you have ever started humming a song that you have absolutely no idea what it is, put this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

My name is sarah I am but three,

My eyes are swollen I cannot see,

I must be stupid I must be bad,

What else could have made My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up All the day long

When I awake I'm all alone

The house is dark My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound! I just heard a car

My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse My name he calls

I press myself Against the wall.

I try and hide From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more,

I finally get free And I run for the door.

He's already locked it And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much too late

His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops And heads for the door

, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy, Murdered me.

Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

All the good men in this world are either gay, taken, or fictional characters.

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going
to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of
the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and
break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something
to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth
and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt
on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that
spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if
a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told
you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like
your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY." There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get
home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when
you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing
your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I
know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don't come running to me. "

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do
you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll
understand."

Friends will always be like "Well, you deserve better." Best friends will be prank calling him in the middle of the night, saying "You will die in seven days."

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

The evening news always starts off by saying Good Evening and then procede to tell you exactly why it isn't.

When life gives you lemons make grape juice and let the world wonder how you did it.

Life comes around once, so share it with the right person

find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot

who calls you back when you hang up on him

who will stay awake just to watch you sleep

wait for the guy who kisses your forehead

who wants to show you off to the world when your in sweats

who holds your hand in front of his friends

who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you

who turns to his friends and says 'that's her'

when a girl is quiet...millions of things are running through her mind

When a girl is not arguing... she is thinking deeply

when a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions... shes wondering how long you'll be around

when a girl says 'im fine' after a few seconds... she is not at all fine

when a girl stares at you shes wondering why you are lying

when a girl lays on your chest shes wishing for you to be hers forever

when a girl sees you every day she wants to be pampered

when a girl says i love you she means it

when a girl says she misses you no one else can miss you more then that

Girl: Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?
Boy: No
Girl: Do You Like Me?
Boy: Not Really.
Girl: Do You Want Me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Would You Cry If I Left?
Boy: No.
Girl: Would You Live For Me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Would You Do Anything For Me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Choose- Me Or Your Life.
Boy: My Life.
The Girl Runs Away In Shock And Pain And The Boy Runs After Her, holds her in his arms and Says:
The Reason You Never Cross My Mind Is Because Your Always On My Mind
The Reason I Don't Like You Is Because I Love You
The Reason I Don't Want You Is Because I Need You
The Reason I Wouldn't Cry If You Left Is Because I Would Die If You Left
The Reason I Wouldn't Live For You Is Because I Would Die For You
The Reason I'm Not Willing To Do Anything For You Is Because I Would Do Everything For You
The Reason I Choose My Life Is Because You Are My Life!

Isnt It Ironic?
We Ignore Who Adores Us.
Adore Who Ignores Us.
Love Who Hurts Us.
And Hurt Who Loves Us

25 THINGS I MUST NOT DO AT HOGWARTS:

1. I will NOT sing “We’re off to see The Wizard” when I am sent to the headmasters office.

2. Dobby is NOT Yoda is disguise.

3. He is NOT Gollum either.

4. I will NOT bring a magic-8-ball to Divination Class.

5. My homework was NOT eaten by a werewolf. Especially when my teacher is Professor Lupin.

6. I will NOT tell the first years to make a tree-house in the Whomping Willow.

7. I will NOT give Lupin a flea collar.

8. Nor will I leave dog-biscuits on his desk.

9. If a classmate falls asleep I will NOT take advantage of this and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

10. Starting a betting-pool on the fate of this year’s Defence against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky. It is NOT a clever money-making concept.

11. I do NOT have a Dalek Patronus.

12. I will NOT teach House-Elves to impersonate Jar-Jar Binks.

13. Shouting “To Infinity and Beyond!” was only funny the first time I took off on a broom.

14. I will NOT refer to the summoning charm (Accio) as “The Force”.

15. “Springtime for Voldemort” is NOT an appropriate title for the school production.

16. I will NOT greet Prof. McGonagall with “What’s new Pussy-cat?”.

17. I will NOT send shampoo to Snape’s office, no matter how badly he needs it.

18. "Potter 6, Voldemort 0" is not a valid T-shirt slogan.

19. Even though they are easier to use and probably more effective, I will not use guns against the Death Eaters.

20. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "My Little Pony."

21. No matter how funny it is I will NOT leave kitty litter in Prof. McGonagall’s office.

22. I will NOT dress up as Lord Voldemort for Halloween.

23. I will NOT ask Harry Potter if his “Scar-Senses” are tingling.

24. I will NOT call Dumbledore Santa Claus. Even if it is Christmas.

25. I will NOT tell Voldemort to “Get a life”.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my readymade fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you moron!

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?"

Annoying things to do on an elevator: read this!:) Very funny!!

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
peer inside and ask "Got enough air in
there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the
corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
and strain to yank the doors open, then
act as if you're embarrassed when they
open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE at another passenger for a
while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
for a while, then announce: "I have new
socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the
emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor
with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person
in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
give you a shock. Smile, and go back for
more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for
other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
waiting for your friend. After a while,
let the doors close and say "Hi Greg,
How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
reaches to help pick it up, then scream:
"That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it that everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?.

If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Guys NEED to know this...;

When when we walk away form you, mad
We want you to follow us

When we stare at your mouth
That's your cue to kiss us

When we push or hit you
Grab us and don't let go

When we start cursing at you
Kiss us and tell us you love us

When we're quiet
Ask us whats wrong

When we ignore you
Give us your attention

When we pull away
Pull us back

When you see us at our worst
Tell us we're beautiful

When you see us start crying
Just hold us and don't say a word

When you see us walking
Sneak up and hug our waist from behind

When we're scared
Protect us

When we lay our head on your shoulder
Tilt our head up and kiss us

When we steal your favorite hat
Let us keep it and sleep with it for a night

When we tease you
Tease us back and make us laugh

When we don't answer for a long time
Reassure us that everything is okay

When we look at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When we say that we like you
We really do more than you could understand

When we grab at your hands
Hold ours and play with our fingers

When we 'Accidentally' bump into you
Bump into us back and make us laugh

When we tell you a secret
Keep it safe and untold

When we look you in the eyes
Don't look away until we do

When we miss you
We're hurting inside

When you break our heart
The pain never really goes away

When we say its over
We still want you to be ours

Got a problem with me?
Solve it.
Think I'm trippin?
Tie my shoe.
Can't stand me?
Sit down.
Can't face me?
Turn around.
Love me?
Great!
Hate me?
Even better!

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live.

Ways To Get To A Girls Heart--

1. Hug her from behind.

2. Grab her hand when you guys walk next to each other.

3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.

4. Cuddle with her.

5. Don’t force her to do ANYTHING!

6. Write little notes.

7. Compliment her.

8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.

9. Say I love you...and MEAN IT!

10. Brush the hair out of her eyes

11. Comfort her when she cries.

12. Love her with all your heart

Holdin Hands-
Girls : If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

Cuddling-
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold.
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

Movies-
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

Loving each other-
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into
her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too...
And mean it.

Laying below the stars-
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers. Now make a wish about something you would like to happen Between you and your crush..

I know at least one person who would love to push me down the stairs

I have started laughing for no reason

I have tried to explain why I was laughing, but was laughing too hard

I have tried to stop laughing uncontrollably, and ended up laughing harder

I have laughed at someone who insulted me

I am not afraid of the dark,

I am afraid of what is lurking in it.

I am not afraid of heights,

I am afraid of falling.

I am not afraid of falling in love,

I am afraid of not being loved back.

If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your fashion sense is "is it comfortable?", copy this to your profile.