Hermione Granger was born a Parselmouth. She arrives at Hogwarts with less trust in authority (after all, muggle science somehow missed snake sentience), and a mission to prove snakes are people too. And Goblins. And Acromantulas. And… oh Merlin. Hogwarts isn't prepared for this, the Wizarding World isn't prepared for this, and Voldemort is *especially* not prepared for this.

Just how will Dumbledore cope with a Harry who is smart, knowledgeable, sticks up for himself and, worst still, is betrothed? A Harry who has a penchant for losing his temper? Ravenclaw/Smart(alek)/Lord/Harry Almostcanon/Dumbledore Non-friend/Ron Harry&Daphne (Haphne). No Harem. Rating is for language and minor 'Lime' scenes.

COMPLETE. Two years after defeating Voldemort, Harry falls into an alternate dimension with his godfather. Together, they embark on a new life filled with drunken debauchery, thievery, and generally antagonizing all their old family, friends, and enemies.