Hello, fellow readers! The name's P.Jay13, or just P. Jay--once known as Penny ToughGirl. I am one of many fans of fanfiction, and love to see what great stories people can write. Sorry it took me so long to get one. Here are some some things about me.

Name: In case you missed it, it's P.Jay13. You can still call me Penny (it's what the "P" stands for), or Jay/P.J./PJay. No, my real name isn't Penny, I just like the name. Ha, if I told you my real name you probably wouldn't believe me...

Gender: Yes, people, I am a CHICK. It'd be pervy of you to think otherwise o.O'

Age: Not-so-recent teen.

Race (not that it matters): I'm an AfriCAN American, not an AfriCAN'T:)

Appearance: I've got long, blackish-brownish hair, brown eyes, a height of 5'6, milky-chocolate skin, & wear my trademark glasses. But I got contacts last year. Next best thing if you think you look less dorky without them. :P

Favorite color: Baby blue & lime green

Personality: I'm a tom-boy at heart (hence the penname), but definitely have a girly side. I typically have more guy friends than I do girls, but I am really close to both sides. For example, sometimes I feel like talking out my problems (with my girl-friends), & sometimes I feel like taking out my frustration on virtual zombies (with you-know-who). See what I mean? In addition, I can usually be seen wearing tennis shoes or DC shoes. I can't help but love the brand. Anyways, I am fun, smart and I love a good laugh. I'm a hardcore percussionist & lover of food, too. I usually joke around with people, sometimes just being friendly with complete strangers. I'm really nice, but I don't take any unnecessary crap from people. I'm the ultimate love doctor and love to help my friends out with their crushes. Couples I've helped get together: 5. Not bad. I also love anime.

To be honest, part of the reason why I never got an account is because I didn't have the talent to publish good stories; (the other reason being that I was too young -.-'). I like to read people's fanfictions more than write them. Don't get me wrong, I love to write, I just didn't think my stories were all that great. I'm not super self-conscious, but still... But after I was done booing myself, I decided to suck it up & try. Besides, there are dedicated and awesome writers out there to help and give pointers, right? So the only way to find out how good I am is to try. I'll do my best, give credit to suggestions, answer PMs, & thank reviewers. If there's something I can do to help my story, feel free to let me know, just don't flame please:)

Games:

Harvest Moon: Island of Happiness- Sooooooo fun & addicting! It was the first HM game that I ever got. Next was Sunshine Islands, then Animal Parade, and later A New Beginning. Out of these games I have to say I like Animal Parade the most though. Chase and Gill FTW *heart*

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess - EPIC!

Pokemon- Loved it when I was little, & now I'm hooked on some fanfictions about it. I loved Pokemon Ranger: Shadows of Almia. It had a great plot.

My favorite Harvest Moon couples: I've only played Harvest Moon IoH and SI (sadly), but I know some things about the characters from the other games. But still, here the couples for IoH.

1. ChelseaXMark: I can't help myself - the guy's a hot, blonde, emerald-eyed farmer who was practically made for Chelsea! What's not to like?

2. ChelseaxVaughn: Yes, I'm a Vaughn fangirl - guilty as charged. Even though I'm a HUGE ChelseaXMark fan, I still need my daily dose of cowboy.

3. DennyXLanna: The fisherman & the popstar... Don't ask, I just think they're cute together. I couldn't wait to hook them up in the game.

4. JuliaXElliot: Utterly adorableXD

AngelaXChase/Gill: Either way I'm happy. X)

Favorite TV shows:

MAD- HILARIOUS! XD

Invader Zim- Gir is SO CUTE! I fell in love with him from the start:)

Young Justice- Ruined after YJ: Invasion. Who's sick, cruel, and inhumane idea was it to make Kaldur evil? That made me just wanna find a nice, cold rock to crawl under and die. X(

Favorite anime:

Hetalia: Axis Powers- Fun-NY! XD

School Rumble- A love-triangle that's totally giggle-worthy:)

Spice and Wolf- A wolf goddess? AWESOME!

Fruits Basket- I LOVE KYO! X3 He makes cats look sexy. Kyo deserves Tohru more than Yuki. I like him, but I just don't fangirl for him.

Princess Tutu- Adorable!

Ouran High School Host Club- So hilarious and adorable that I can't form it into words. Well, maybe just one: GREAT. Mori - "Sometimes referred to a piece of furniture. Sexiest dang sofa I've ever seen." No truer words have ever been spoken. *u*

Clannad/Clannad After Story - Most dramatic anime I've ever seen. They're total tearjerkers, but I love them anyway.

Fullmetal Alchemist - Be one with the Miniskirt Army! Gotta love Roy Mustang. X)

Please enjoy wasting your time with some of my favorite sayings:

Peace, love, and chocolate!

I may be a flirt, but your boyfriend likes it. (So true. lol.)

Caution: blond thinking.

I guess you're playing stupid again...looks like you're wining too.

I know I'm not perfect but I'm so close that it scares me.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Inside me is a skinny girl trying to get out. But I usually shut her up with chocolate.

I didn't slap you, I just high fived your face. (duh.)

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side, and the right side.

Every woman should have four pets in her life: a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jack ass who pays for everything - Paris Hilton

"You don't love a girl because of beauty. You love her because she sings a song only you can understand."- James (Secret Vampire.)

(\ _ /)
(O.o )

This is Bunny.
Copy Bunny into your profile to help him on his way to world domination

TGWF: Thank God We're Female

If you truly believe, there is a John Quinn or Ash Redfern or James Rasmussen or Morgead Blackthorn or a Galen Drache somewhere for you (doesn't mean his name has to be the same) copy this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and/or werewolves and would like to be one, copy and paste.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile.

REDFERNS ARE THE BOMB!! copy and paste if you agree.

If there are times when you want to annoy people just for the hell of it, copy this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a (short) bus, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. (I have multiple)

If you hate people who swear because they think its cool, copy and paste to your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever ran into a wall, copy this to your profile.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not aloneIheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocker, Fangalicious, Bellafan123, Vampire-cutie18,Maru-chan 101, White Rose Of Oddity, Naruhinagirl94, SammywithSwagger, Artemis Nox, Midnighter67, lidsworth, AkaruiTenshi, HorseGirl784, Penny ToughGirl

If you want fan girls to SHUT UP AND REALIZE EDWARD CULLEN IS NOT REAL AND STOP SCREAMING IN MY EAR, copy and paste this to your profile

If you think Night World Vampires are better than uh..Twilight ones, Copy and paste this to your profile

If you get irritated/angry when you run into a rival girl on Harvest Moon, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get jealous when you see a rival girl standing near/talking to your favorite bachelor on Harvest Moon, copy and paste this into your profile.

How to Tell if You're a Writer

If you talk to yourself.
-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. 'I wonder why I talk to myself ch?')
-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. 'Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word 'deliver' could mean removing someone's liver?')
-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, 'Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!'
-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
-If, when replying to someone else's e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
-If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:

When she walks away from you mad, follow her
When she stare's at your mouth, Kiss her
When she pushes you or hit's you, Grab her and dont let go
When she start's cussing at you, Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet, Ask her what's wrong
When she ignore's you, Give her your attention
When she pull's away, Pull her back
When you see her at her worst, Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying, Just hold her and dont say a word
When you see her walking, Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared, Protect her
When she lay's her head on your shoulder, Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steal's your favorite hat, Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she tease's you, Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesnt answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay
When she look's at you with doubt, Back yourself up
When she say's that she like's you, she really does more than you could understand
When she grab's at your hands, Hold her's and play with her fingers
When she bump's into you, bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tell's you a secret, keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does
When she misses you, she's hurting inside
When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away
When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers
When she repost this bulletin, she wants you to read it
Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
Tease her and let her tease you back
Stay up all night with her when she's sick
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid
Give her the world
Let her wear your clothes
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
Let her know she's important
Kiss her in the pouring rain
When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"
If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :
Call you.
Love you.
Text you.

YOUR GIRL SIDE:

You wear lip gloss/stick.
You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink
Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheer leading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance.
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne
You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of every thing

Total: 8

YOUR GUY SIDE:

You love hoodies.
You love jeans.
Dogs are better than cats.
It's hilarious when people get hurt.
You've played with/against boys on a team.
Shopping is torture (unless it's for video games)
Sad movies suck.
You own/ed an X-Box
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You watch sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun.
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night.

Total: 13

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together.

Your a book-aholic if...

You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on.

Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading.

You write fanfictions about the book.

You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else in the entire world) to read it.

Everything reminds you of the book.

You quote random lines all the time.

You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. (Like trying to lick your elbow!)

You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class

You've read a book more than five times.

You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days.

You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like.

You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional

You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional.

You've found yourself trying to impersonate a character.

Your idol is a character from a book.

IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Try Not To Cry:

read this poem:

mommy...johnny brought a gun to school he told his friends that it was cool and when he pulled the trigger back, it shot with a great, huge crack.

mommy i was a good girl i did what i was told, i went to school, i got straight A's i even got the gold!

when i went to school that day, i never said good bye.

I'm sorry that i had to go, but mommy please don't cry, when johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another.

And all because johnny got the gun from his brother.

mommy, please tell daddy: that i love him very much, And please tell Zack my boyfriend that it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; that she is the only one now, And tell my dear sweet grandmother; i'll be waiting for her now.

And tell my wonderful friends; that they're always the best.

mommy; I'm not the first, I'm not better than the rest.

mommy tell my teachers; i wont show up for class, And never forget this, And please don't let this pass.

mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one deserves this though.

but mommy it's not fair i left without a kiss.

And mommy tell the doctors i know they really did try. i think i even saw one doctors trying not to cry.

mommy i'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest, But mommy please remember that i'm in heaven with the rest.

when i heard that great big crack i ran as fast as i could, please listen to me if you would.

i wanted to go to collage, i wanted to try things that were new.

i guess i'm not going with daddy, on that trip to the new zoo.

i wanted to get married i wanted to have kids.

i wanted to be an actress, i really wanted to live.

But mommy i must go now, the time is getting late.

mommy, tell my Zack, i'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you mommy i always have, i know you know it's true.

And mommy all i need to say is "mommy i love you"

that always makes me sad...

in memory of the cloumbine & virginia tech students who were lost:

please if you would,

dont smash this on the ground.

if you pass this on,

maybe people will cry,

just keep this in your heart,

for the people who didnt get to say 'goodbye'

now you have two choices,

1) pass this on and show people you care, repost as 'try not to cry'

2) dont send it and you have just proven how cold-hearted you really are..

I love this:

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS:Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS:Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS:Would be sitting next to you saying "CRAP! We messed up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

Friends: Bring you a tissue to dry your tears.

Best Friends: Have a shovel ready to bury the asshole who did this to you.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

(and my personal favorite):

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

Did you know...
Kissing is healthy.
Bananas are good for period pain.
It's good to cry.
Chicken soup actually makes you feel better.
94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.
Lying is actually unhealthy.
You really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.
It's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.
89 percent of guys want you to make the first move.
It's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.
Chocolate will make you feel better.
Most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.
A good friend never judges.
A good foundation will hide a hickeys...not that you have any.
Boys aren't worth your tears.
We all love surprises.
Now...make a wish.
Wish REALLY hard!
WISH WISH WISH!
Your wish has just been recieved.
Copy and paste into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...your wish will be granted

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

This is weird, but interesting! If you
can Raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too Can you raed
this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod
aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the
hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it
dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny
iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit
a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter
by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas
tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it
COPY AND PASTE ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT --

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's just a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with colds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On artificial bacon:
"Real artificial bacon bits".
(So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no, we get real fake bacon.)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Reality is for people who lack imagination.

More funny quotes: (Yay!)

Don't follow in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUH! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

Shit happens. But mostly to me, so don't worry.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care

The only reason I'm here is because heaven wouldn't have me and hell was afraid I'd take over.

A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught.

Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid?

There are three types of people: those who can count, and those who can't.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you !

Never go to bed angry; stay awake and plot your revenge

I'm the type of person that can watch hundreds of horror movies and not get scared but would scream at the top of my lungs when toast pops out of the toaster

Pickles are cucumbers soaked in evil

Homework hurts trees

Muffins are ugly cupcakes

Broken Bones are better than Broken Hearts

Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes

Fireworks-by Katy Perry, Dynamite- by Taio Cruz, Grenade- by Bruno Mars...I'm starting to get a feeling that hot celebs like explosive weapons...

One day your prince will come...mine? oh well, he just took a wrong turn...got lost...and is to stubborn to ask for directions

I wish that life was a dream...I really want to wake up...

Love me, love me not.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" And then it hits me.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

A secret admirier is only a stalker with stationary.

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.

You say physco like it's a bad thing...

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it. She Said: You wear pants don't you?

I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.

Cute but psycho - things even out.

Hell issued a restraining order on me...oh the fun to be had!

I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me.

What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.

If you're color blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on starbursts, give me red!... LEMON, DAMNIT!"

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Love your enemies. It pisses them off.

The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...

Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

One day we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

I intend to live forever...so far so good

Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again

Sure I have super powers! I just don't wanna show you

When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that jerk upside the head

They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly I think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," I don't think many people would be dead...

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed,destroy all evidence you tried.

Sometimes a road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.

When you cry, I'll cry,you laugh, I'll laugh,you fall down a ski slope, I'll laugh even harder.

Forgive your enemies,but remember their names.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.\

The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me " HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them

I'm not a complete idiot.Some parts are missing.

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!

I got all of this stuff from lizzyclaire, a truly amazing writer. Go check out her fanfics to see what I mean!:)