Hey! My name's Colleen. What's there to say? My favourite colour is red, my favourite book is Fahrenheit 451, my favourite T.V. shows are CSI: Crime Scene Investigation(the original), Star Trek: Voyager, Big Bang Theory, Pokémon, Adventure Time, and Corner Gas.

Random Quotes:

"A man is like a fraction whose numerator is what he is and whose denominator is what he thinks of himself. The larger the denominator, the smaller the fraction."Leo Tolstoy

"There are two types of pedestrians: the quick, and the dead."can't remember who said that :P

"Never is just Reven spelt backwards"Greg House

"They recharge? I just keep buying new phones."Greg House

"I swear to DRUNK, I'm not GOD!"

"Last night I dreamt I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, when I woke up the pillow was gone." Tommy Cooper

America's Intelligence:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(But no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Here are some poems I like (I didn't write them):

Her name was Auroura
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endore

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly crys
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
" God, why? Why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
" You deserve to die
You worthless pest! "

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

If you hate child abuse then repost this on your profile.

My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,

I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long

When I awake
I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.

I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm sradishing to cry.

He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.

He's already locked it
And I sradish to bawl,
he takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,
Murdered me.

child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

How Didnt They Know?

When Billy was 6
One fine Easter day,
He received a gift
With which he could play.

It was a sweet little bunny
With hair to the floor.
What could have happened
When it was found dead by the door?

Accidental, they said.
Billy's just a child.
He just played too rough.
He got a little bit wild.

When Billy was 10
At a neighbor's house,
He poured some bleach
On a friendly pet mouse.

Boys will be boys
Is what they said.
Be careful, they added
As they patted his head.

When Billy turned 12
They found some deep cuts
On the face and the neck
Of the sweet family mutt.

No harm was done.
The dog's not hurt bad.
He didn't mean to do it.
He truly feels sad.

When Billy was 16,
He took a gun to school.
He fired upon them
While calling them fools.

When Billy was finished
Having his fun,
He smiled at his carnage
And lay down his gun.

The town went on weeping
All through the trial.
He showed no remorse.
He showed not a smile.

What happened, they asked,
To a boy so fine?
How could it be
He showed not a sign.

What about me?
Said the ghost of the long dead mouse?
And I the rabbit
Who was found dead in his house?

And the elderly dog
With scars that still showed
Softly whined and wondered,
HOW DIDN'T THEY KNOW?

(animal abuse help stop it! show you care post this on your profile if you do!!)

Writing Tips:

Do not put statements in the negative form.

And don’t start sentences with a conjunction.

If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.

If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.

Last, but not least, avoid cliche’s like the plague.

(\ _ /) This is bunny.
(='.'=) Put him on your profile
(")_(") so he can take over the world!

"I have so many unanswered WHYS:

Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

Why do they call it research, when looking for something new?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are you using the words on my t-shirt as an excuse to stare at my chest?"

got it from danceoftheheart's story 'Adagio' (on Sara's T-shirt)

Man Falls Asleep At Church (Funny Joke)

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.